


Anything Could Happen

by theglamourfades



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Chance Meetings, F/M, Fate & Destiny, Meet-Cute, Romantic Comedy, Some angst, based on the film Sliding Doors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-10-03 03:33:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 35
Words: 256,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17276315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theglamourfades/pseuds/theglamourfades
Summary: In the space of a few hours, Anna Smith's life is turned upside down. Can a chance encounter on a Underground train change everything for the better, and guide her to where she is meant to be? Modern Anna and Bates AU.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this fic in 2013/2014, my first modern!AU Anna x Bates fic. It's based on my favourite film of all time, Sliding Doors. A story all about what would be if one little thing did or didn't happen in your life, and how it would change the course of fate. (of course now I can't watch the film without thinking of this fic)

" _District Line information. Due to a derailment at Victoria, District Line trains are subject to extensive delay. We apologise to passengers for any inconvenience caused."_

Anna Smith stood on the platform, letting out an exasperated sigh at the shrill tannoy announcement. Around her a few other commuters were gathered, playing aimlessly with their phones and personal gadgets, letting the news pass them by completely as they were absorbed in their own little world. She took a few steps forward to gaze hopelessly into the yawning black hole in the distance, gave up after a few seconds and instead pulled back the sleeves of her coat and jacket to glimpse the hands upon her watch. Why she did that, when the time was emblazoned in bright orange on the announcement board above her head taunting her eyeline, she wasn't quite sure. Perhaps it was because she'd convinced herself that everything ran in a different dimension on the Underground and looking at her watch, which would give her the real time in real life, would convince her that she couldn't possibly be running that late. As she took in the too-fast ticks, she let out a sigh so loud that it made the eyes of those drowning in the sounds of their iPods swivel towards her sharply. Not for that reason, she felt herself shrink considerably.

It was late. Very late, indeed. She was quite disastrously late.

Anna rolled her eyes at the inconvenience of it all. It could have been worse, she told herself. The meeting wasn't a major one, the fashion show was still a couple of months off, but she wanted to be there to make sure her ideas were heard. She had come up with some really good stuff and being the only woman in the department, she dreaded to imagine what ridiculous things could have been discussed and agreed upon in her absence. It hadn't helped that she'd had to stop off at the off-licence on the way, and had proceeded to stand waiting for ten minutes until they opened. She was just thankful that there hadn't been many people around in the street to wonder who the desperate wino was, itching for booze at eight o'clock in the morning. The bottles clinked in their plastic bag as she shuffled desperately on the platform.

A distinctive screech sounded, metal colliding with metal, and the wail of the Tube train's arrival bounced from the walls. She breathed a sigh of relief as she boarded hastily, appearing to be the only one who discerned the usually abrasive noise. It stayed echoing in her ears, lulling her somewhat strangely as she was finally able to make her way towards work.

She had barely been in the room a minute when the sound was replaced, deafened by the sudden force of another.

" _I'm sorry, Miss Smith, there really is no other option but to let you go."_

The words took a few moments to register in her head, though she didn't mistake the subtle sneer in Simon O'Brien's voice. Anna's eyes glanced around the table as her body remained frozen to the spot. She had never felt as small and exposed in her life, met with the stares of several blank but undeniably self-satisfied faces, regarding her from head to toe. For too long, she could muster no reply, not even a breath in response.

Fired. She couldn't comprehend it. She hadn't been fired in her life, not even from the first Saturday shop job she had when she was fifteen. She certainly hadn't expected to be fired from the PR job she'd been in for the last four years, the career she'd built up steadily with more than a few successes, in no small part boosting the profile of the company. And yet now, it had all come down to this; one single moment erasing every bit of hard work before her eyes. Surely, it couldn't have been because she'd been late that morning. In the end it had only been fifteen minutes, and there hadn't been a day before then that she hadn't been the first in the office, bidding goodbye to the cleaners as they left. The fashion show was in its earliest planning stages. She could only think that it might have had something to do with the two bottles of vodka she'd taken when she'd been running late for Gwen's birthday party on Friday night, which she'd already paid for and had been on her way to replace. God knows some people there had done much worse in the past, and hadn't even acknowledged. She wasn't to know that there'd be an after-hours meeting when she left, already an hour and a half after she was due to.

No, they were all just excuses. Unbelievably silly ones, yes, but good enough to be convenient. Deep down, she shouldn't have been surprised, although she would have liked to think that she could be. They'd wanted rid of her for months. A creative, ambitious and successful woman rather upset the atmosphere at a testosterone-filled, all-male PR company that was determined to stay behind the times. The place was achingly sexist, despite her best efforts to change things. Gwen, ever the feminist, had complained about it enough. Now she was feeling quite frankly stupid not to have heeded the warning signs from her best friend. They had been flashing relentlessly in her mind, too, but she'd chosen to be blind.

This was a good thing, she repeated to herself as her feet somehow took her from the room and down the corridor. Did she really want to work somewhere like this? Could she ever really be happy here? Okay, so she was the top performer now, but she would never be able to go any further, not when they'd be intent on curbing her. She should have walked long ago. But it's easy to get comfortable. Besides, it was the principle. There was no reason that she should have walked, or that she should have been sacked. She secured the most high-profile clients, worked the hardest and reaped the rewards. It was an injustice, plain and simple. To think that this kind of attitude still persisted made her blood boil. It was like she was living in 1912. The Suffragettes would be turning in their graves. God, she'd been spending too much time with Gwen lately. Had she really told them all before she walked out of the room that they could shove their job up their arses, that was if they could take their heads out of there for a millisecond? She had definitely spent too much time with Gwen lately.

Turning the corner, Anna bristled to see a figure leaning against the doorway, crossing his ankles and eyeing her with a smug smirk tugging at his lips.

"Bloody shame that you're on your way, it really is. Like that, an' all. That has to hurt."

Thomas Barrow wore a thin veil of empathy over his crisp suit, fumbling in the depths of the pockets. He produced a tobacco paper, wetting it with his tongue before he made the effort to say anything more. Folding his arms, he sighed.

"Just as well I'm here to step into your shoes." A snort emerged from his nostrils as he folded the paper between his fingers. "Not literally."

Anna resisted the urge to throw a sharp remark back, knowing it wouldn't make her feel any better. She'd known that Thomas had been angling for her position for a while, and wouldn't have been shocked if he had put in a few words to O'Brien. He had wormed his way a lot closer to the boss in the past few months. Instead, she adjusted herself, throwing her head and shoulders back just a little. She wasn't going to give him the satisfaction, not now.

"Good luck with it all. I'm sure you'll do just brilliantly," she affirmed.

Thomas shot out another dismissive laugh.

"Yeah, don't pretend you care."

"I mean it, Thomas. I don't wish you ill." She shuffled on her heels, leaning forward. "I wish you all the luck in the world working here. I couldn't do what you do. It's bad enough being a woman here, but there's nothing I can do to disguise it, and I wouldn't want to. It's really not worth hiding who you are all your life, just for some PR job."

He looked down defensively for a second, before raising his head again a little too quickly. "What they don't know won't hurt them."

Despite herself, Anna's gaze softened.

"But it'll hurt you. It already is."

She sighed, feeling truly sorry for him, perhaps against her better judgement. She didn't even want to imagine how he'd be treated if the others ever found out about his sexuality, knowing the matter wouldn't be taken kindly.

"Whatever," Thomas snarled, shattering the compassion. "I don't need your sympathy, Smith. I've already got your job." The smirk grew as he made to turn in the opposite direction, flicking the discarded paper to the floor. "See you around. Or probably not."

Anna shrugged slightly, clutching her bag to her as she set off again down the never-ending corridor, which seemed an even longer distance today. Some people would never change.

Before she turned the corner, she heard the bell of the elevator reverberate. Though it didn't really matter much, she rushed her steps to be able to catch it. The sooner she was out of this place for good, the better. Making a dash, she squeezed her slender frame behind the doors in time, exhaling the breath she had been holding for what seemed like hours as it came to a brief halt and then resumed its dip downward.

On the split second that the movement of the lift made her stomach drop, Anna felt something else fall from her. Her hand flew instinctively to her face, moving just behind her left ear. She'd lost her earring. It was her favourite, a white-gold knotted stud, a graduation present from her grandmother. She always wore them, and they were forever coming loose. She thought of what her mother told her:  _Anna May Smith, you're so clumsy sometimes._ It was the tiniest, most stupidly sentimental thing, but the thought that she may have lost it made her want to burst into tears on the spot.

Crouching down awkwardly in the crowded elevator, her hands began to roam across the centimetres of space available, fervently hoping that her fingers wouldn't get trodden upon. She caught sight of a small gleam not far from her feet. It disappeared as her hand reached out, covered by the long, large fingers of another.

"Yours?"

The hand, delicately holding the stud between two fingertips, reached out to her as she straightened herself up in the little space. She was standing incredibly close to the tall man who possessed it, her arm almost brushing his. Anna had to move to the side a little to take in his face, his eyes that were smiling warmly towards her.

"Thank you."

"No problem."

She took the stud, the pads of her fingers touching his just a little too long before she had the sense to pull herself away swiftly. She offered a small, thankful smile, which was met with a bigger one and nod in reply. As she secured the earring back in her ear, the elevator ding came once more, its occupants pouring out onto the ground floor.

Leaving the building, Anna was happy the heavens hadn't decided to open as she strode along in the direction of the Tube station. Not stopping, she took her bag from her shoulder, scrambling around for her phone. Locating it, she pulled it free, scrolled through her contacts and dialled. Instead of the voice she was hoping for, she was met with the clipped tones of the answering machine.

"Hey, only me. Just calling to let you know I'll be home soon, at least I hope so. Nothing to worry about, I'm fine…well, no, I'm terrible, really, but it's nothing…I'll bore you with all of the details when I get in. See you in a bit. Love you."

She sped up on entering the station, huffing impatiently while she waited for her ticket to allow her through the gate. Habit took her right, down the slowly chugging escalator towards the platform. Staring into space, the announcement pierced her senses.

" _The Circle Line train to Gloucester Road is on the platform and will be departing in approximately 1 minute…please note that delays to the District Line are ongoing and will cause significant disruption to the service…"_

Her heart began to beat faster, distinct panic setting in. If she missed this train, she really would be buggered. She began to move down the steps, manoeuvring past tourists and a little girl walking her Barbie down the handrail, rushing down the platform as fast as she was able. Under her breath, she cursed; she really shouldn't have worn these heels today.

" _The Circle Line train to Gloucester Road is now departing…"_

_No, no, no…hold on, please._

Anna could see the train beginning to inch away, and screamed silently for time to stop. She was at the edge of the platform before she was aware, her hands flat against the doors. There was no way. By some unbelievable effort, she was able to suspend their close just in time. She heaved, standing behind them as they shut, grasping a hand against the rail to steady herself, closing her eyes for a few moments as the train retreated fully away from the station. At least one tiny thing had gone in her favour.

Though rush hour had passed, the train was still full of people; indeed, she could see only one empty seat in the carriage, directly opposite the doors she had entered. Still feeling a touch too hot from her frantic dash to board, Anna shrugged her coat from her shoulders, folding it on her lap underneath her handbag as she sat down. Having glanced at her phone screen, still absent from notifications, she retrieved the paperback book from inside her bag, letting out a tiny sigh as her fingers rifled the pages.

"Good choice. I've been meaning to read that for a while, myself, but never seem to get round to it. Too many books, not enough time."

She had hardly registered the person sitting next to her, other than being another passing presence on a Tube train. It took her some time to figure out that their words were directed at her.

"And an actual book too, not one of those screens. I mean, I've got nothing against them if they get people reading, but you just can't beat the weight of a book in your hands. For me, anyway. I'm glad to see I've not been completely left behind."

"Hmmm? Oh, yes."

She mumbled a vague reply, glancing up from the page momentarily to notice the man sitting at her side. From the corner of her eye, she could see that he was wearing a smile quite uncharacteristic for your average commuter on a Tuesday morning.

"I think I may just stop off at the bookstore on my way, pick up a copy." He leaned further towards her, or maybe it was just the jolt of the tracks. "I'm in a bit of a good mood today, so why not treat myself, eh?"

She'd read the same sentence five times already. "Mmm."

His head turned in the opposite direction for a few seconds.

"It's certainly a better way to pass the time than to subject everyone else to your audition for Britain's Got Talent."

At the other side of them sat an oblivious teenager, eyes screwed shut with huge headphones covering his ears, squeaking out what he believed was a falsetto to rival Justin Timberlake.

"I suspect my ears might be bleeding, but I'm too scared to check."

There was a hearty chuckle, then an almost-silence fell. Anna shifted the book in her hands, bringing it nearer to her face, exhaling deeply, hoping she'd be able to get onto the next paragraph.

"It is funny, isn't it, how nobody talks on the Tube. Or in lifts. I rarely catch them myself, but it doesn't take much to notice it. Confined spaces…open spaces…we all just shut off. Maybe that's just how it is now, but it's a bit strange really, when you think about it. Perhaps we've been conditioned to think that everyone out there is a drunk, or potential psychopath. So the best plan of action is to plug up our ears, divert ourselves." A little pause interrupted the flow. "Pretend to read a book."

Anna felt a pair of eyes upon her, regarding her with a knowing smirk. She caught their gaze with her own, moulding her expression into a polite, slightly strained half-smile.

"Look, I'm really glad that you're in a good mood, and I don't think you're a psychopath. But I'd just like to read my book." She didn't think she sounded too harsh, not to a complete stranger who seemed intent on sharing his life story with her, when she was really not in the right frame of mind to listen.

"Of course, I understand. I apologise, unreservedly."

"There's no need."

She smoothed her hand across the print. That seemed to do the trick, or so she had thought.

"Have we met before?"

Anna rolled her eyes, lifting them from the page to the metal ceiling above, her hair bouncing upon her shoulders as she jerked her head back.

"Sorry, sorry…you just seem familiar, that's all." The man's voice had become softer, sincerely apologetic.

"I don't think so."

He sighed, setting his head to one side before clicking his fingers towards her in sudden recognition. "Yes, yes. You were in the lift just now. You dropped your earring, I picked it up."

She turned round, looking at him properly for the first time since she'd sat down next to him. Indeed, it was the same man who had come to her rescue in the elevator. The same warm, dark eyes; a lock of loose dark hair falling just above an eyebrow; the same soft smile upon his lips. She let her own smile relax in acknowledgement.

"Oh yes, you did. Thank you. I really did appreciate your help, it meant a lot."

"My pleasure," he said in that same rich, sincere tone that set a strange warmth stretching across the blades of her shoulders. "Do you work there?"

He couldn't have known what would lie behind his innocent question, so she tried her best not to sound cutting.

"I did, until I was fired about…forty five minutes ago?"

"Oh God. That's horrible, really bad. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, you didn't do it."

He ran a hand through his hair, looking rather awkward. "You must think I'm the biggest arse in the world for going on about how great I'm feeling. Sorry. This is why I usually don't say anything. Well, that should teach me."

Anna couldn't help but smile at his rambling.

"I don't think that, really, you weren't to know." She glanced at him with her own sincerity, and saw him start to loosen up once more. "It's the way of the universe, isn't it? One person having the perfect day, the next having to wade their way through a ton of crap someone decided should be dumped upon them. Yin and yang."

"That's one way of looking at it."

They exchanged a look, a quiet smile at one another.

"Still, I'm sorry. At least you know it can only get better from here on in."

"I hope so."

The way he was smiling, true and embedded, made fine lines crinkle at the corners of his eyes. "I'll leave you to read your book in peace."

"Thank you."

The rest of the journey, all two minutes of it, passed in comfortable silence, until just after the announcer finished informing them that the next stop was approaching, his voice piped up again.

"I'm getting off at this stop. I'm only telling you in case you happen to get off here too, and you get off before me, and you think I'm following you. Which obviously, I'm not. I mean, I wouldn't, you know?"

He faltered, stifling an awkward burst of a laugh that transformed into a cough. Anna felt herself grinning under the cover of her book.

"I didn't mean any offence. Please forgive me. I'm really not a nutcase. I just wanted you to know." He smiled down at her, towering as he stood, turning to make his way towards the sliding train doors. "Goodbye."

"Goodbye."

She smiled back, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, watching as he disappeared through the doors, onto the platform in the open air. Anna ducked her head back down into her book for a second, before she stopped, threw it back into her bag hastily and got up herself, running the little way and jumping off, her heels making a loud click against the concrete of the platform. His head shot around upon the sound, the clicking increasing as she jogged towards where he was.

"Excuse me. I'm sorry," she uttered a little breathily, standing in front of him. "I'm sure you're not a psycho or nutcase, or anything like that. It's just that I felt like…I'm not very good at…"

"Constructing sentences?"

His eyes twinkled at her, and she shook her head, letting out a small giggle.

"Sorry, that was a bit cheeky of me."

"No, I do seem to be having trouble navigating the basics of life today." She smiled back at him reassuringly. "I just wanted to apologise, if I seemed rude in any way. I'm really not like that."

"Oh, don't worry," he waved one of his hands around distractedly in the air. "You're completely entitled." He looked markedly at her, the way her hands were toying sheepishly with the strap of her bag, and smiled. "Besides, I didn't think that about you. Not at all."

In the steady breeze that settled about them, Anna felt her cheeks flush. She gazed back up towards him, noticing the tiny flecks of green in his irises as the light fell over his face, before she swivelled her head sharply away, the wind sending her hair flying all over as she looked about her aimlessly.

"Well, I feel like I know so much about you already. That you've been unfortunately fired, that you have impeccable taste in literature. Yet I don't even know your name." He stretched out a hand towards her. "I'm John."

She quickly touched her palm to his. "Anna."

"Lovely to meet you properly, Anna."

"You too, John."

They shared another smile, and strangely, she didn't feel quite as uncomfortable as she should have done revealing her name to this man who was all but a stranger to her, on a near-empty train platform in the middle of the city of a mid weekday-morning.

They would have likely stood there for some long minutes, just smiling at one another, until he made to move, pointing an arm ahead of them.

"Shall we? As nice as this is, I do have to be getting somewhere."

Anna shook herself, starting to set off in a stride towards the stairs alongside him. "Of course."

They made their way down the trail of steps that led to the exit of the station side by side, talking away about trivial details of their lives, where they lived, how unusually nice the weather was turning out for a late February day. They went on chatting easily, and Anna laughed at his remarks more than once, which she felt quite surprised for doing given the wretched state she was in. It was a nice distraction though, and for a few minutes she felt content, as if it were merely just another morning in her life, with no disasters having occurred to send her life spiralling out of control. In fact, she almost felt it was somehow quite more than just another morning, in a different way altogether. Being in this moment seemed significant. It was utterly senseless, of course. She lived with her fiancé, she'd just told him as much, and he was still really unknown to her. You couldn't feel that good about a total stranger appearing suddenly from nowhere. Yet, Anna was feeling just that.

She wore a funny smile upon her face as they exited the station, turning to head in different directions.

"Well, this is me. Thanks for the chat, it was nice to get to know you. Sort of."

"And the same goes for you." She looked up at the sky briefly, biting her lip to stop a laugh emerging. "Now that I know you're definitely not a nutter."

"Thanks," he chortled, and once he did so, Anna didn't hold back. "You know, I have people I consider soulmates who don't confide in me this much."

She coloured as his gaze burned into her, and shrugged her head to the side. "Sorry. You should have told me to stop going on."

"No, it was fine. Honestly." John let his smile widen while he kept looking at her. "It was payback." He chuckled lightly. "It's good to get to know someone in this little closed off world, even if it was only for a while, even if you won't meet again. Unburdens you. Gives you the feeling that everything isn't going to ruin after all."

Anna heard herself sigh.

"And it isn't, believe me. I am sorry about your job, Anna. It's their loss. Something else will come along. There's plenty more fish in the sea. Oh great, now I'm getting my horribly overused clichés mixed up."

She burst into an impromptu fit of laughter, and he simply smiled in response, his eyes genuine and full of comfort that betrayed any flippant remarks he might have been making.

"Really, it'll all be fine. It's something I've learned."

Before he made to turn down the road, he tucked his organiser under his arm, throwing a hand out once more into the air.

"Remember what the Monty Python boys say."

She looked temporarily puzzled. "What, ' _Always look on the bright side of life'_?"

" ' _Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition'_."

All she could do was scrunch up her nose confusedly and chuckle in reply, watching him recede further away.

"Goodbye, Anna. Take care of yourself."

She waved at his back, a little stupidly, relaxing her shoulders and smiling before she turned into the street awaiting her. It took a few seconds to realise that she was two stops away from her usual one, and she shook her head again, thinking how very silly she was being. Coming to her senses, she hailed a cab that was travelling down the road, deciding it wasn't worth going back into the station, not when the next train would be God only knows when.

Settling herself into the back, placing her coat and bag at her side, Anna looked out of the window, watching the world whirl by. She brought a hand up to her face, biting at a nail briefly before she realised the habit she was prone to while daydreaming. Taking it away again and staring in front of her, she let her mind drift not all that far.

Though it really shouldn't have done, a sliver of a smile settled upon her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to turn O'Brien into a man, haha. Also, I know John seems rather OOC but they had to get chatting somehow...


	2. Chapter 2

"First left, please."

Anna had to shout the command feverishly, clutching on to the handrail as the cab took a sharp swerve around the corner and then jumped over a speed bump. It was lucky that she had noticed she was in the right neighbourhood just at that moment, otherwise she could have very well ended up on the other side of the city with a humongous fare. She had been in a daze for most of the journey, and was still partly drifting amongst her many and varied thoughts. She twisted the earring fixed on her left earlobe around a few times, shifting in her seat to keep her eyes on the road ahead while her mind still wandered.

She'd lost her job. She was officially unemployed. What was she going to do?

How was she going to tell everyone? Would they think she was a failure? She knew she shouldn't have felt that way, but she couldn't help feeling that there was something she could have done, a way to fight her case. If only she could have done things differently…

The wedding would definitely have to be pushed back. Just until she found something else steady, whenever that would be. God, her mother would be fussing even worse now.

_Really, it'll be fine. Nobody expects the Spanish Inquistion._

His voice was so soothing, his eyes so kind. If she hadn't have caught that train, she wouldn't have got to speak to him. Would never have known his name.  _John._ The way he smiled at her. Nobody had ever smiled at her quite in that way…

Anna glanced down into her lap, catching sight of the ring studded with three small diamonds resting on her finger. The corners of her lips curled into a slight smile, which grew as she ran the fingers of her other hand briefly over it. Laughing to herself, she shook her head as if to shake away the silly fantasy that had somehow started there. She kept her eyes upon her engagement ring for some time, feeling like someone had placed a reliable safety blanket around her shoulders, the light not quite hitting it, only barely touching the edges. She adjusted her hand to try and catch the reflection, but it was proving difficult in the back of the cab, so she settled to modestly admire it instead.

The realisation made her reach for her phone; she hadn't checked it since she'd boarded the train. A sudden wave of panic washed over her, until she saw the screen's light flash to life. No messages, no missed calls.

Anna laughed again to herself. It was typical, really. He'd probably gone back to sleep the moment she left, and was most likely snoring away right now. Totally oblivious, he could stay sleeping through an earthquake.

Jeremy was more than a little absent-minded, he quite often forgot to buy milk or bread until they'd ran out completely and swore blind that the date of their anniversary was different from year to year. When he said he was going down to the library to get cracking on his epic novel, she knew that really he'd be in the pub for a bit longer than usual. It had taken him seven years to get round to proposing. But that was just his way, and though sometimes it was irritating beyond belief, really she found his procrastination quite endearing, really. He was thoughtful, in his own manner. Whenever she was down, frustrated or thoroughly pissed off with things, he'd insist she drop everything and make her an extra sugary cup of tea or, more often, drag her out to get very drunk. He'd tell the corniest jokes to raise a smile from her, even though she'd heard them all a thousand times before. He wouldn't ever be the first to call, but Anna knew that he'd always be there in the end, to make her feel better. And really, that was all that mattered.

Having clambered out of the cab, Anna reached in to place a note in the driver's hand, telling him to keep the change. The engine whirred and the exhaust fumes danced at her ankles as the vehicle drove off, leaving her standing still on the pavement. She took in a gulp of air while she craned her head to look towards the row of town houses, slanting upwards on a little incline. For some reason, gazing upon the window that was gaping out at her, she felt an anxiety gnaw away, a weight laying heavy upon her shoulders. She had expected that the sight of home would instantly balm her in relief, but still there was this strange air around her, and she felt as though any moment she'd be knocked from her feet.

She tried to think that it would only be a few minutes longer. She would have poured her heart out in a frenzy, maybe let herself sob a little, and then she'd be sitting on the bed, duvet wrapped round her and heels kicked off, mug of tea scalding her hands. Jeremy leaning against her back, one arm draped around her waist and the other reaching to stroke her hair away from her neck. All of the troubles she'd had to face that morning would melt away, would cease to be real if just for a little while. The thought quelled her considerably.

Urged on by what would be awaiting, she clicked up the steps, fishing her keys from the depths of her handbag. She took a steadying breath as she fumbled and then secured it to the lock. The key twisted around a few times before the door opened. It had still been locked, just as she had left it.  _Lazy sod, he hasn't even got up out of bed_.

Stepping inside, she had been tempted to shout out something about it being Tuesday, and that meant she was here, his mistress come to screw him senseless. But she really wasn't in the mood, her mind still clouded over. Not to mention that she was puzzled straightaway by what had greeted her in the hallway; two glasses were lying on the hall table, one half-full with an amber liquid, lipstick stain upon the rim. She'd only drunk a glass of wine the night before, and was quite certain she didn't own that shade of lipstick. Oh bloody hell, what if she had become that delirious that her mind was now playing tricks on her, setting up mirages before her eyes?

She reached out to the glass to make sure she wasn't going round the bend, until another of her senses was distracted. The strains of James Blunt were blasting at considerable volume from above the ceiling, accompanied by a steady, repeated thudding. Now, that really was weird. If there was one thing that he told her enough whenever she was scanning their CD collection for something to play of an evening, it was how much he despised James Blunt. Anna's confusion grew as she ascended the staircase and her stomach lurched when she clearly distinguished other sounds, getting louder and more distinct the further she approached. As much as she wished she could have believed they were being conjured up by some sadistic corner of her mind, there was no mistaking the chorus of guttural groans and soft moans that sounded horrifically against her ears. Reaching the doorway to their bedroom, she wanted to shut her eyes tight but found she couldn't avert them even an inch away.

"Oh, ohhhh, yes…"

His face was contorted, his eyes screwed up in concentration, and he looked, quite frankly, ridiculous. Anna felt her features crumple in contempt and crushing distress, and then his eyes flickered open.

"Oh, Jesus!"

"Well, I rather hoped you'd be screaming my name…"

The porcelain curve of her back arched as she tossed her head, her auburn locks tumbling over the bare skin while she remained very tightly straddled to his thighs, her legs seeming to go on forever. This woman, whoever she was. Whom she could only assume really was his mistress. Anna's eyes were transfixed to the ripple of ivory skin, the bed still shaking, the tap of his hand that had turned into a firm slap upon her back to get her to take notice of what he had done seconds ago. Very slowly, her head turned to look over her shoulder to the other side of the room, fiery curls bouncing over her eyelids. Anna noticed she didn't look in the least bit ashamed, or indeed portrayed any discernible emotion at all.

"You know, you really shouldn't stop so suddenly. Sets a girl back a week, doing something like that."

She was surprised at how easily the words left her, how nonchalant they sounded and how comfortable they felt in her mouth. Standing there, her limbs stuck rigid, she felt anything but at ease. Her insides tightened as she cast her gaze just to the side, seeing the bodies unfold; the woman picking up the discarded negligee and dress from the floor and wrapping them lazily around her, Jeremy hunching up his shoulders like a scolded little boy with the sheets pooled around him as he continued to lay there. She didn't want to move a muscle and yet wanted to charge out immediately, run a million miles away from the sordid scene. This was her house. Her bed. She felt sick to her stomach.

Her voice remained measured but low when she spoke again after a long, painful silence. "Who is she?"

" _She_  is Claudia."

Claudia sauntered across the floor, flexing her long legs, rolling her shoulders and clutching her shiny leather stilettos in her hands. Anna was incensed at the nerve of the woman, as she watched her passing from the corner of her eye. She wouldn't look at her fully. The way she strolled around the room as though she owned the place made Anna seethe. Jeremy rubbed a hand over his face and didn't make a sound. Oh, he'd be pleading in a second, if she had anything to do with it. She wished she couldn't look at him either, but she was determined.

"Well, I've had an awful morning. I got the sack." Her eyes wandered over the crumpled bedsheets, the covers barely draped over his body. She shot out a bitter laugh suddenly. "So did you, it would seem."

He kept his gaze down, studying the fibres of cotton intently, his cheeks burning. At least he had the decency to be shamefaced. Yet he still seemed so pathetic. Why hadn't he jumped up, fallen to his knees in front of her, begged for forgiveness? That wasn't his way. She wasn't sure whether she would have been comforted or even more repulsed. He could at least offer her something; he hadn't even been the one to give her the woman's name. She had an American accent. Where could he have met her? Did it really matter? Probably not. Anna kept staring at him, mistakenly thinking the longer she did that that he would eventually break. But there was nothing.

She shifted upon the ball of her foot, her eyes swivelling to the wall briefly before fixing back upon him, sitting amidst the sheets. She made the most flippant remark she could think of, somehow hoping that it would wash all this from her memory.

"Cup of tea?"

His voice came out in a whimper. "That'd be nice."

She couldn't stop her mouth dropping open in disbelief. In a second, she was across the room and on top of the bed, flailing her fists, aiming blows at his curled body but predominately hitting the air.

"You absolute, bloody bastard!"

Her shouts were ragged, fighting for space against her exerted breath and the sobs that had started up despite her best efforts not to let them escape. She let her hands pound against the edge of the mattress, with gradually lessening force. It really wasn't worth the wasted energy. One of his tentatively reached out towards her wrist as he lay on his side, but she wrenched her body away with lightning speed. Anna paced around the centre of the room, her eyes dropped to the floor, her head working desperately to take this all in.

"My god, Jez, I don't…" she began babbling to herself in confusion, her now heel-less feet padded by the pile rug. "I don't even know where to begin."

"I'm…I'm sorry."

She barely heard him speak, his voice was so small. The words sounded so hollow and her head hurt like hell. With them, her demeanour changed completely.

"It's not bloody good enough!" She screamed, taken aback by the force of her own voice. The frustration started to pour from her. "I am slaving away, working all hours to support you while you write your first novel…or at least that's what I thought you were doing, but evidently you were up to other things entirely. I should have known. How bloody stupid I am…"

"You're not stupid, Anna."

"I don't know, I've been with you ten years, haven't I? I think that classifies me as certifiably insane, never mind just stupid."

_Ten years._ The realisation hit her like a ten-tonne weight. How many of those years had actually been hers alone? She'd never thought before, but now she couldn't picture anything else. Of him, his limbs tangled up with who knows how many…

"How long?" She came to a stop, her hands and her voice shaking. She choked back a sob contemplating her next words. "Do you love her?"

There was the slightest pause.

"No, don't tell me, because I'm really not interested." She turned to walk out, then her steps wandered back. "Or maybe I am interested." Her hands flew from her sides aimlessly, and then settled once more. "Really, I just want to know how big a mug I am."

She stayed staring at him, seeking an answer, as he simply did nothing more but look straight ahead at the wall. He couldn't even look her in the eye. To Anna, that said it all. She sighed heavily, brought her hand to her mouth for a second to stifle a cry, then turned and walked out of the bedroom.

"Anna…"

Her name followed her as she went the short distance to the bathroom, muffling when she shut the door firm behind her. She thought she might have slumped down instantly onto the cold tiles, but she managed to stumble along to perch herself on the edge of the bath, the porcelain still shockingly cool against the fabric of her skirt. Her hair fell around her as she buried her face in both of her hands, allowing the tears to fall, finally unrestrained. Strands of hair began to stick to her damp cheeks. She was never one to feel sorry for herself, always found the resolve to pick herself up, dust herself off and carry on. But now she felt there was no other choice. She felt like she was well within her rights to wallow, if only for a couple of minutes.

Of all the things that could have happened…she was still having trouble comprehending, even though she had seen it before her as clear as day. The blackness behind her eyes as she had screwed them firmly shut was beginning to make her feel dizzy, and she clutched tighter to the bath's edge. Bringing her free hand up, she rubbed the wetness away from her opened eyes and slowly lifted her head upwards. She had intended to meet her reflection in the mirror, to discern how terrible she looked, but the first thing she came across instead was the pair of boxer shorts that had been left strewn upon the floor. The room was still hazy with mist from the shower and a certain musk hung heavy in the air. Heat rose in her throat and she could feel the palms of her hand slip, slick with sweat, as a kaleidoscope of images flashed through her mind. Her stomach dropped to her feet and she couldn't stop shivering. She almost couldn't remember the last time she had had a panic attack, it must have been just after she had left university. The distant, familiar sensations were enveloping her entire body and mind once more, as furious as they had ever been. It was funny how a few moments were all it took, to set you hurtling back so far, and yet it was so easy to recall. How she wished she could block it all out, go numb on the spot.

"Anna, Anna."

His voice came through the crack from the other side of the door. She made to shout at him to go away, but it seemed she had momentarily lost the ability to speak.

"Let me explain…it's not what you think, honestly."

A snort rasped from her, echoing in the room.

"Oh, let me guess – she's your long lost cousin, is she? She just wanted you to check a mole? Give me some credit, Jez. It looked incredibly clear from where I was standing."

She could hear him shift, could see him crouching awkwardly even with the barrier keeping them apart. He coughed once or twice.

"You want to know how long it's been going on…"

The hairs on the back of her neck prickled.

"Not long at all, I swear. It's nothing."

Another voice came echoing from the distance, laughing abruptly.

"I don't think you can call eighteen months  _not long_ , Jeremy. At least tell her the truth. I told you you should have told her months ago. Put us all out of our misery."

_She_  was still in the house. Strolling around, taking her time, telling her how she should be feeling. Anna was absolutely enraged. At once, she flew up, flinging the door wide open, nearly breaking its hinges in her fury.

"Anna, please, don't listen to her…"

She went straight past Jeremy, not even seeing him as she charged out onto the landing, grasping Claudia by her bare upper arm. She wriggled underneath her fingertips, auburn hair flying around.

"Get off me!" Claudia screeched, as Anna stayed stony silent, walking them both down the stairs. When they reached the bottom, she immediately did as Claudia had commanded, making her stumble a little with the brevity at which she released her grip. The other woman looked quite dishevelled, her tight black dress barely yanked over her hips. Her eyes were wild upon Anna as she calmly opened the door into the street.

"Get out."

Claudia seemed at a loss for words. "But I haven't got my coat, or my purse."

"Get out," Anna repeated mechanically, refusing to let any of her emotion show, to let this woman win over her in this instance.

Perplexed, Claudia stumbled outside. Before she could watch her walk down the steps, Anna closed the door quietly shut, taking in a deep breath.

"Oh, thank God, Anna."

She flinched just marginally to feel his presence at her back.

"Now we can sort this out."

She turned sharply on her heels, almost not believing what she was hearing.

"Are you joking?"

The beseeching look he fixed her with told her quite clearly that he was not.

"This is not something that can be sorted out, at least not in a moment's notice. You've been unfaithful, Jez. For eighteen months." The notion slowly sunk in with each word she spoke. "That isn't  _nothing._ "

He moved ever so slightly towards where she was, but she backed away like an animal that had been hurt, hopping up onto the first step of the staircase.

"You really expect me to just open my arms to you, say it doesn't matter, that everything's alright? It doesn't work like that." She fought to keep her voice contained. "I can't even bear to look at you right now, let alone let you touch me."

He wouldn't give up that easily. "Anna, please."

She raised a hand into the air, her other clutching the stair rail. "I mean it, Jez. If I had any sense, I'd throw you out onto the pavement right now. But for some reason, I can't even care." Her words wavered slightly. "I just can't."

He stood at the foot of the stairs, watching as she rose up. "You don't mean that."

She stopped on one of the steps, turning round just slightly at the waist to see him looking up at her forlornly.

"I really do."

On autopilot wandering around their room, she pulled out two bags from the closet and began to take random articles of clothing down from their hangers, stuffing them in without even looking into the empty bags. They filled up quickly as she grabbed a few other pieces, and she strained and struggled but finally managed to get the zips closed. She wobbled slightly, pulling her towering heels back on, and threw her coat over her shoulders. She took one last look at the room, and then made a definite exit.

Jeremy was still standing there, his arms folded and hands splayed at his elbows, as she arrived at the door. The silence was thick surrounding them, him giving up on any last attempts to explain and instead just letting his eyes roam over her. Before she braced the handle, she sighed and turned to him.

"You wouldn't have said anything," she uttered in a low tone.

It took him a few seconds to reply. "What?"

"If I hadn't have been fired, if I hadn't come home early…you wouldn't have told me. And I would have gone on forever, thinking you loved me, waiting to be your wife." She was trying so hard not to cry, her voice crackling and her eyes watering. "Being a perfect fool for you."

His own voice was hardly a whisper. "You wouldn't."

Yet, standing there in their hallway, they both knew it was a lie. In the aftermath of the silent revelation she was gone, making her way down the street and away from him, not looking back for the briefest of seconds.

* * *

She must have walked for miles, but she'd barely felt it. The only way she'd known was that the edges of the sky were beginning to darken and sink ahead of her as she stared out over the Thames, standing with her hands draped across the steel of Hammersmith Bridge. Turning her head she noticed groups of tourists walking by, snapping photos of the London skyline. Further down there were a few couples, huddled close together against the cold wind that had picked up, staring at one another absorbed and completely oblivious, inclining their heads to one another to steal kisses. Feeling stung at the innocent sight, she whipped her head swiftly back the other way.

It had been an instinct to come here. Ever since she came to London, it was the one spot she had loved more than any other. There was something about the river, especially at the end of the day, that held her enraptured and this was the place that seemed to mark so many significant moments in her life. She'd run along the bridge laughing with Gwen on the evening after they'd graduated, excited for their lives to begin. She'd walked arm in arm with Jez as they made their way home from sipping champagne on the London Eye, one of their more extravagant dates. She'd stood near enough in this very same spot, utterly lost for words when he held out the little box in front of her, asking her if she'd marry him, almost three years ago now.

And for half of that time, he'd been having an affair with another woman and she didn't know a thing about it.

Unable to hold back any longer, Anna burst out crying. A few people passed by, and she was certain they could hear her loud sobs as they did so, but nobody bothered her. She was trapped in her own world. Through her tears, she glimpsed the blurry vision of her engagement ring, the diamonds twinkling tauntingly in the falling light. She held it on her finger between two fingertips from her other hand, frozen for a few moments, before she tugged it over her knuckle and slipped it off. Rolling it in her fingers, she hovered over her coat pocket for a few moments, pondering what to do. Then, without a second thought, her hand flew up and out, the ring falling from her grasp, plunging into the waters of the Thames far below. She had no regrets, only relief to be rid of the thing that had been keeping her down, unbeknownst, for so long. Still, she couldn't stop the wracking sobs seeping from her.

In the space of just a few hours, Anna Smith's world had collapsed completely, and she hadn't the faintest clue of how to rebuild it. Instead, she was totally lost amongst the waters.


	3. Chapter 3

"What an utter, despicable, sodding, useless, brainless, no-good, no- _balls_ …complete arsehole!"

Gwen was pacing the sitting room, weaving around the coffee table, her head thrown back to the ceiling and hands waving about wildly. Anna sat sunk onto the sofa, hugging her knees to her chest, passively listening to her best friend as she went on, inventing new and colourful turns of phrase to trash her now ex-fiancé.

After walking yet more aimless miles, she'd ended up at Gwen's the evening before, sitting and waiting on the hard stone step for her moments before she returned from her shift. She hadn't had to say a word, only gave a glance up with watering eyes full of despair while she was slumped, bags at her feet, to confirm everything. Gwen had scraped her off the ground and scooped her up immediately, hugging her for what seemed like hours. They'd been up half the night, Anna talking and talking, frequently stopping to promptly break down, Gwen throwing in assurances and some very choice comments. As the sun was beginning to come up they'd collapsed into fits of tipsy giggles, wine glasses turned up by their feet, sprawled out on the sofa draped in blankets. Anna's neck was sore and her temples pounded faintly as she screwed up her eyes, taking in the three empty bottles standing on the tabletop a little disbelievingly. She wished Gwen would dial down the volume a little, but there wasn't much that could stop her once she got going.

"I mean, he's capable of many idiotic things, but this takes the biscuit, it really does…"

Despite the rapid flow at which her rant was gathering, Gwen's words fell away from Anna. She sat staring unseeing ahead, everything dull and echoing around her, sucking her into some strange void. It took some seconds before she was able to blink and claw her way back into the here and now by her very fingertips. Gwen's figure became solid again, stopped blurring at the edges. She had come to a standstill with her arms folded, and was regarding Anna with a worried expression. Anna shrugged her head and shoulders to silently reply that there was no need.

"I always knew it," she exclaimed softly yet with utter conviction. "That you were too bloody good for him. And that's putting it lightly. I knew it from the moment he walked over in the student bar, so full of himself, using those terrible pick-up lines. I thought,  _God, what a knob._  And he's never changed."

"Really not the time for I-told-you-sos, Gwen." Anna groaned a little.

Gwen sighed, her face turning a shade of pink.

"Ahh, I'm not saying that. I'm just bloody annoyed, and I have been for a long time. I mean, I'm not as petty to say he stole you away…but he did do something to you. Being all…" She scrunched up her nose and waved her hands in the air, unable to find the precise word, "… _him_ , and putting you under his spell. And it makes me furious, because I could have stepped in. It was my idea to go out that night!" She looked incredibly guilty and exasperated all at once. "You think some boffin would have figured out time travel by now, because I would be the first one to volunteer."

Anna managed a smile at her friend. "And I'd push you head first."

She started to laugh as Gwen fixed her an apparently indignant look, and then let her head fall into her palms.

"Oh god, Gwen. I know you're absolutely right. All the times I've been tearing my hair out in the past few months, trying to keep calm, not saying a word when he didn't say anything, wouldn't even think for a second about our future. Maybe I did wonder, in moments, but I never really thought…"

Her breath hitched as Gwen padded over, perched on the edge of the sofa beside her.

"I know it's been a waste, all these years."

She fiddled her fingers against the toe of her tights, picking at a loose thread there with her gaze cast down.

"I can't even comprehend it, really. And the saddest thing of all is that I still love him." Anna glanced up to see Gwen staring at her with wide, sympathetic eyes. "I know, I'm the most ridiculous, stupidly sentimental doormat living."

Gwen planted a warm hand upon her shoulder, a contrast to her fiercely emphatic tone of voice.

"Hey, you are anything but ridiculous, or stupid. You are the polar opposite of all of those things. You're smart, and kind, and funny, and really, sickeningly gorgeous. If you weren't my best friend then I would be insanely jealous and, honestly, would just want to give up on life."

Anna let out an embarrassed chortle.

"I know it's alright me saying this, but you're better off without him. Now you can go and find someone who knows exactly what you're worth, who worships the ground you walk on and will do the impossible for you. You know I'm not one for all that soppy stuff, but you like it and it's just what you deserve. And you'll get it, with someone a million times the man Jez is." A knowing, sure smile lit up Gwen's face. "Someone caring and chivalrous, honest, loving…someone who will sweep you off your feet, marry you, give you babies and actually keep it in his pants. Except for you, obviously."

Anna rolled her eyes heavily at Gwen. She was doing so well to make her feel better until that last bit. Gwen realised her mistake in an instant, grimacing and hunching up her shoulders.

"Sorry!" she squeaked. "Me and my mouth. But you know what I mean."

Anna relented, tilting her head to the side and trying not to smirk at her friend's exaggeratedly protruding bottom lip pleading towards her.

"Just give me a hug and all will be forgiven."

Gwen threw her free arm around Anna, pulling her close and scrunching her into an almost crushing embrace.

"Jesus, Gwen, I don't know if I can feel my ribs."

"What's the point of a hug otherwise? You need this."

Eventually, her tight grip slackened, though they remained firm in the hug, Anna's hands mirroring Gwen's upon her back, chin lolled against her shoulder. She could never underestimate the overwhelming comfort that came from a hug from her best friend, and Anna felt contentedly wrapped in warmth. Slowly, she blinked at the clock on the wall facing her.

"Gwen, I don't want to ruin the moment, but I think you'd better be going soon."

"Oh, bugger." Gwen broke away, pulling on her sneakers before scrambling to her feet and dashing across the room. "Bloody job."

Anna curled her legs beneath her on the sofa, dropping her elbow against one of its arms. "It's not that bad, really."

A snort escaped Gwen, rolling her eyes as she twisted her hair up into a bun hastily. "Yeah, my glittering career serving city boys coffee. Three years doing a business degree, this is not what I expected the outcome to be. If I had that time machine, I'd jack it in in the first week."

She laughed at her friend's complaining, nothing she hadn't heard before. "At least you're in employment."

"Don't you guilt-trip me, Anna Smith." Gwen jabbed the end of the hairbrush sharply in the air. "You don't know how good you've got it, being a lady of leisure." Her face softened, splitting into a smile that Anna had to reciprocate, even if she didn't share the enthusiasm. Gwen turned back to regard herself in the mirror, fixing pins to her hair. "Speaking of which, what are your plans for the day ahead?"

Anna sighed deeply. "Oh, I thought I'd put on my baggiest lounge clothes, eat many biscuits, watch mind-numbing daytime TV for a bit. That's just before crawling back into bed, clutching the duvet over my head and pretending that the world doesn't exist."

"Sounds perfect to me." Gwen swivelled on her heels and grinned, far too wide for Anna's liking. "Well, if there's one thing I know, it's that you won't have this to distract you."

Jumping forward, she snatched away the phone that was resting in Anna's hand.

"No, come on," Anna protested, glaring pleadingly up at her friend, who was skipping on the spot before her. "I need my phone." She held out her palm desperately, but Gwen shook her head firmly.

"No, you don't. Too many completely regrettable things have occurred because of a call or text that is made in the heat of the moment, when you're not thinking straight. And I am not going to let that happen to you, because I know  _exactly_ who you'll call."

"I won't. Cross my heart."

Anna drew her finger back and forth across her chest, edging up on her knees to stretch out, making an attempt to grab back the handset and nearly falling head first off the sofa.

"Uh-huh. It's been surgically attached to you all night, and I am making an intervention," Gwen commanded. The phone disappeared from sight as Gwen dropped it in her bag, snapping the clasp shut and Anna sat back, defeated. "And don't think about using the landline either, because I've already unplugged it and hidden the wire."

Anna tutted in response.

"You'll thank me later."

Gwen stretched into her jacket, keys jangling in the pocket.

"I'm sorry I can't go out tonight. I've missed so many classes this semester that if I don't go in, they'll kick me off the course." She frowned, shuffling on her feet. "I promise I'll make it up to you though. I'll call Daisy and Ethel, we'll do a mega girls night at the weekend."

Anna waved a hand in dismissal. "No, it's alright. I don't think I'll bother tonight anyway." Her voice trailed off in a mumble as she sunk further down into a slouch, bracing a hand against her aching temple.

The volume went up a few notches again as Gwen hurried to screech a reply.

"Nooooo, Anna, don't be like that, come on." She crouched down at the side of the sofa, putting a hand out to stop Anna curling onto her other side away from her. "Don't let him win. Out of all the places in London, is he really going to be there? I don't think so."

"Oh, but Gwen…" She hated how whiny she sounded, like a child who hasn't got its own way.

"No buts. You are going out tonight, looking great, and that is that. You were so up for it last night."

"I'd had several litres of wine last night."

"See? Wine is the answer."

She took her gaze from the rug that Gwen was kneeling on, and pinned a half-hearted smile to her lips.

"I'll see how I feel."

"You're going," Gwen sprung up on her heels. "Seriously, I don't want to see you here when I get home. Or I'll chuck you out, and then you'll really be buggered."

Anna kept smirking as Gwen bounced to the front door, grinning and waving furiously at her. When it banged shut, the smile fell rapidly, as did her head against a cushion.

* * *

Stretched out the length of the sofa, Anna picked up the remote control from where it lay in her lap and pointed it without any real effort and to no effect at the television screen. She had hardly moved from the spot for hours, only at intervals to change the DVD, draw the curtains and retrieve a new tub of ice cream from the freezer. She scooped another bit of Cookie Dough from the half-empty tub, the mixture melting on her tongue as the credits of Pretty Woman rolled before her eyes. Placing the spoon down and leaving the remote thrown beside her, she shifted to the edge of the chair, sighing. Several DVD cases lay piled on the floor. For someone who proclaimed not to like anything lovey-dovey in the slightest, Gwen certainly owned an extensive selection of romantic comedies.

Just as she found the energy to push herself forward, pondering what the next choice of viewing would be, she caught sight of herself in the mirror at the other side of the room. As dejected as she felt right then, a surge of horror shot up in her. Clad in a scruffy old hoodie and pyjama pants, her hair sticking up in all directions, the colour almost completely absent from her face. She was certain that she could see the reflection meeting her recoil in shock. It had been a little over a day and already she was a shadow, a complete and utter mess.

Eventually tearing her eyes away from the sorry sight, Anna took in the time. It was only quarter past seven. The night had barely started. She could still go upstairs, fix herself up, and be in town for a little before nine, she reckoned. Since Gwen had left this morning, she'd put the thought firmly out of her mind. She still wasn't a hundred per cent convinced, but the alternative left her so depressed it wasn't worth even contemplating. She let the idea linger for a second then decisively jumped to her feet, the remote control clattering to the floor in her wake.

Smoothing down the silky top, she took in a breath as she turned on her toes, studying herself in the mirror. A little frown grew on her lips; perhaps that skirt was just a little too tight at the back. She didn't want to draw attention to herself, after all. Her hand hovered hesitatingly over the tiny creases in the fabric.

_Sod it. You look good. When was the last time you wore this? Why shouldn't you dress yourself up a little?_

Tucking the top into the band of the skirt, she exhaled a little shakily and then smirked at her reflection. Clutch-bag in one hand, she scrambled through the desk drawer as she squeezed into a pair of heels. Being phoneless, she scribbled a note for Gwen before her burst of confidence escaped her. She carefully placed it upon the table, adding the final flourish of a smiley face at the bottom. She made sure the smile was pinned to her face as she headed out of the door.

* * *

The centre of London was always busy, even on a night right in the middle of the week. People would seem to flood straight from work into the hundreds of bars and restaurants that were dotted across a small radius, spoilt for choice and swiftly changing modes. Anna had passed several pubs tonight that were packed to the rafters, their closed doors just about containing the throngs that had gathered, yet unable to stop a series of snatched shouts and cheers from spilling onto the streets. She carried herself away from the commotion of them all on her way here to one of her favourite haunts. The bar was set away from the main street a little but still well-placed, sleek and modern without having any pretension. Warm spot-lamps bathed the place in a light that was just bright enough and a comfortable heat settled around her where she sat on the stool, her knees brushing the sideboards of the bar. The faint music of the band playing across in the other corner broke the silence which had been strangely consuming, only just now occurring to her. Shifting a little on the stool, her fingertips toying with the scarf settled against her collarbone, she took a quick glance around. Aside from the members of the band, there were only three or four other people in there, separated off into pairs, huddled into nooks. It was never an incredibly busy place – that was what Anna liked about it – but she had never seen it this deserted. On this night, when every other place was buzzing with the usual atmosphere of the city after dark, it was very much the exception to the rule.

Exchanging a slightly awkward smile with the barman as she scooted back around, Anna felt a little disquieted, though she wasn't quite sure why. She hadn't wanted to deal with the hustle and bustle tonight, didn't want to be pushed around in a sea of people or risk being noticed or approached. A couple of quiet drinks on her own was all she had expected and desired, just a change of scenery for a few hours. This was exactly what she was after. Though she conceded there was a good chance that she didn't have a clue what she really wanted anymore, if the last day was anything to go by. Perhaps she would have felt better going to a club filled with crowds and pulsating music, spinning herself around and dancing until her heels broke, until nothing else mattered. The second pear cider that she'd ordered was placed in front of her and she mumbled thanks to the barman, pushing coins across the counter. She angled her head to meet the straw popping up from inside the bottle and took a slow, considered sip, getting lost in her thoughts once more. She'd stay long enough to finish it, and then make her way back.

A slight draught travelled over to meet her uncovered shoulders, and she heard voices climbing down the stairwell at her back.

"You're such jammy sods. The final kick of the game…"

"Hey, you can't argue with the genius that is Rooney's right foot. It's a wonder that no man can fathom. And it's called skill, not being jammy."

"I don't know about that. You know as well as I do that should have been a sending-off."

"Now, now, we're bigger men than this. It was a good game, they were just unlucky. I tell you what, I'll get the first round in if it'll soften the blow."

"I'm a man of my word; loser buys the drinks. As much as it pains me to say it."

"Call it a goodwill gesture against slightly questionable referees. I insist…Anna?"

At the sound of her name she started, turning and noticing the figure now by her side. She shook most of the stupor away when she came to realise who it was. He didn't have to make it clear, but he did so all the same.

"John. Rather annoying chatty bloke from the Tube?"

Seeing his eyes search her out in the way she'd quickly and unexplainably become accustomed to, she was temporarily lost for words. His eyebrows quirked up a little and a smile stretched across his face as he watched for signs of recognition.

"Yes," she uttered softly and slowly at first. "Of course. Hello."

"Hello," he echoed in a tone of voice that set a warmth spreading deep in her stomach. His eyes flickered down to the bar, her hand that was resting on the glass bottle and then slowly made their way back to her own. He exhaled a little.

"You look nice."

The genuine smile he was wearing sparked up into his eyes and Anna's glance dropped before she could see his shoulders hunch up in the second afterwards.

"Sorry. Really should try harder to stay away from the 'weird' line. Haven't quite perfected it as yet."

A ghost of a smile played at the corners of her mouth, and she raised her head again, playing with the edge of her scarf as she spoke.

"Don't worry about it. Thank you. A girl always likes hearing a compliment."

Though she truly meant what she said, she couldn't stop the smile from fading.

"And it's deserved."

A lull remained between them, Anna's gaze drifting away once more subconsciously. His body quivered just perceptibly, half-wanting to move away, but reluctant to do so when she looked so downcast.

"I know it's easy for me to say," he began, "but you really shouldn't worry about your job. It's not worth it. You'll find another one sooner than you think."

She hardly moved or made any signal to say otherwise before he noticed.

"It's something else, isn't it?"

As comforting as his voice remained, the words cut into her. She looked up to see that his eyes remained upon her, wrapping her up in silent, unknowing consolation.

"You know, sometimes it helps to say whatever it is out loud. Quick and painless, rip it off like a plaster." There was a little rise in his tone, aiming to cajole her gently, and looking at him she knew that he only had good intentions. As she kept staring slightly through him, his eyes shadowed. "It also helps if people mind their own business and leave you alone. I'm sorry, Anna…"

His hand slid from the top of the bar and his body made to start away. She piped up hurriedly to stop him from going.

"When I left the station yesterday and got back home, I...," her voice shook a quaver and she dropped her eyes to her lap for an instant, "...found my fiancé in bed with a woman. A woman who obviously wasn't me."

The smallest laugh accompanied the end of her confession; really, it was funny. In a little while, she could see herself roaring with laughter at the whole scenario, without wanting to break down. John was looking at her with more concern and empathy than ever, and it was hard not to burst into tears.

"My god. That's just…I can't believe it. I don't know what to say. Apart from what an idiot he is. Sorry, it's not my place to say."

"It's okay. I agree with you." She managed a bigger smile than she had all day, bringing a hand up to brush the hair from her eyes. "Really, I'd be much less bothered if it wasn't quite so totally pathetic."

"Hey, it isn't pathetic at all. It's absolutely understandable."

Anna lifted her eyelashes and swirled the straw around the bottle in a demeanour of disbelief. John sidled closer to where she was perched.

"Look, if it makes you feel any better, you see that bloke over there?"

She leaned in, dangerously close to touching his arm as he pointed to the further end of the bar, pointing out the other man he had entered with who was eyeing up the bowls of snacks that lay on the counter.

"Not only has his team just crashed out of the Champions League, but he owns more than one pair of Crocs and has a not-so-secret addiction to America's Next Top Model." His breath fluttered against the side of her cheek. "Solid proof that there's always someone out there much sadder than you."

Anna stifled giggles as John's companion noticed them and gave a little salute over to where they were. On the action she was lost and erupted into laughter, John chuckling in harmony with her.

"Do you love him?" he suddenly asked as the hilarity began to cease.

"No," she replied, a little breathless. "I could never love someone who watched America's Next Top Model." Then she began to laugh again, her hands coming up to cover her mouth, shuddering against her.

"You made a joke in the midst of your emotional turmoil," he chimed. "The signs are very good."

Anna gradually calmed herself from her hysteria, seeing him smile warmly at her side. She smiled back at him, unable to take her eyes from his, until she heard a call from behind his back.

"I'm dying of thirst here, John. Hurry up."

He glanced over his shoulder, breaking their contact. "Sorry, Rob, be right there."

Anna gulped in a breath as he turned back towards her.

"Listen, if you decide you want company, we're right over there, okay? If you're fed up of me, I'll understand, but he's really not as bad as I make out. Not even for an Arsenal fan."

Anna smirked. "I can't say I have much experience of them."

"Count yourself lucky. I really am sorry, Anna."

She nodded amiably and smiled at him before he turned his back, walking away the little distance to the table where his friend was waiting. She shifted a little, going back to her cider, trailing her finger against the condensation upon the cool glass, sighing subconsciously. It didn't take her long to hop down from the stool, pick the bottle from the counter and wander, a little nervously, over. She studied the back of his neck, his broad shoulders, his hands that were jutting around in the air before she made to speak.

"I think I will join you after all, if that's alright?"

He answered with a wide, warm smile.

* * *

The hours flew by unnoticed as the three of them sat around the table, John and Robert doing most of the talking, Anna being an eager listener. She couldn't help herself from getting swept up in their banter about football and life in general. Robert regaled her with stories of their friendship and the old days, and though she noticed John reddening and burying his head in his hands more than once, it was all good natured. It was testament to their easy company that she didn't feel at all like an outsider. Every so often at a remark or anecdote, they'd erupt into gales of laughter, bringing the whole place to life. The few other people there must have surely thought they'd gone insane. Anna's face actually ached, she'd laughed so much.

After getting a call from his wife, Robert had left, a little shamefaced, and for the past forty minutes or so it had just been the two of them. They carried on chatting about anything and everything, happy to remain in each other's company. Anna thought she could see a very particular smile in his eyes at certain moments when he looked at her, but amongst the haze of drinks she'd got through it was easy to mistake for something else.

She reclined against the leather-backed seat, clutching the flattened straw in her fingertips, staring off somewhere in the glow of the distant lights, deep contemplation upon her face.

"You alright there?"

Anna snapped back to the moment, catching sight of his gaze once more.

"Yeah. Just fine and dandy." A lazy grin engulfed her face as she turned to him, proving to be infectious as he returned it back to her with fervour. "I was just thinking about how I wasn't going to come out tonight. I'm not really used to venturing out on my own, at least not of an evening. I thought it might be a bit sad."

John's face veiled in seriousness and his voice took on a matter-of-fact tone. "Well, it's a slippery slope once you start. Next thing you know you'll be going to karaoke bars."

"I promise you, it'll never get that bad," she assured, then thought again. "Though I don't know, I don't seem to be responsible for my actions right now. If you ever happen to see me in one, you have my permission to haul me out at once, no questions asked."

He laughed heartily. "You have my word."

Anna smiled, watching the crinkles set around his eyes as he laughed and then gradually fade again. Her stomach lurched a little.

"I'm glad I did though," she said sincerely. "I've had so much fun, honestly. I haven't laughed like this in ages."

"Me neither. Rob's jokes do seem a lot funnier when he's telling them to someone who hasn't heard them a hundred times before." He chortled again, leaning back in his seat, and then a sure smile settled on his lips. "It's been a great night. Made even better with such wonderful company."

She felt the heat creep up her neck and the curve of her jaw, flushing onto her cheeks in the warm bar. As he turned his head to the side momentarily, her eyes narrowed, focusing on the pulse point in his neck.

"It is funny, though," she pondered. "You do seem to have a habit of turning up out of nowhere, coming to the rescue. If I didn't know better, I'd say there was something going on."

John held his hands up at either side of him. "I know nothing, I swear." She had to smirk at the expression on his face, the picture of innocence. "They do say it's a small world. Let's just be happy for impulsive decisions."

"I'll drink to that." She ducked her head down and proceeded to jab herself squarely in the cheek with the straw that poked out of her glass, missing her mouth completely. "Oops," she giggled in delayed response, rubbing her hand over her face.

John shook his head in amusement, standing from his seat. "Probably time to call it a night."

Anna groaned, throwing her shoulders back. "Oh, come on. I thought you were fun."

"As much as I'd like to celebrate in the small hours, I won't be much use in the morning. I need to be making tracks, I'm afraid."

She slumped her elbows onto the cold table-top, squinting at him as he made his way to the bathroom.

"I won't be a minute."

Her vision became a little cloudy, losing sight of him disappearing into the distance. She slid her eyes closed, her head falling onto the palm of one of her hands, the other swirling the bitten straw around the empty glass, seeing a faint dotting of star-like specks before her. A few moments later, she felt a tap on her arm.

"Thought I might find you here."

Anna blinked twice, finding a mass of red hair forming before her.

"Gwen!" she shouted joyfully, louder than was really needed in the near silent-bar. Her friend recoiled slightly, scrunching her nose and bringing a hand to her ear. "I'm so happy to see you. I missed you." She swatted against the arm of Gwen's leather jacket, smiling.

"Yeah, I missed you too," Gwen replied, sounding a little confused. She cast her eyes down to the table Anna was propped against, taking in the crowd of empty glasses that covered the top. "Looks like you've been having fun without me though."

Anna giggled, hiccupping once. "I have. Lots of fun. Ooh, how was college? Did you have fun? What did you do this week?" She leant closer, near clambering upon her friend. "I did like you said, went out, all by myself. Aren't you proud of me?"

Gwen rolled her eyes faintly, wrapping an arm about Anna's waist as she stumbled to her feet. "I'm very proud." She turned to look at Anna, who was smiling and waving to the other side of the bar. Puzzled, she followed her friend's gaze across the room.

"Who's that?"

"My friend," Anna sighed, still waving towards the tall, dark-haired man standing a few feet away.

Gwen simply shook her head, tightening her grip upon Anna. "Come on, lady, let's get you home."

"I'm not a lady and I don't pretend to be." Anna burst into giggles once more, nearly tripping over her feet and falling against Gwen's side as they slowly made their way to the stairs.

"Right now, I'm inclined to agree with you," Gwen sighed, trying her best to keep a hold on her friend's weight as she flopped around.

"Can I give you a lift anywhere?" The man from across the bar was now at their side. "I've ordered a cab, it should be outside."

"That'd be great, thanks, if it's no bother. I'm not sure I'll manage more than five minutes with this one in tow."

John smiled, going to stand the other side of Anna, who automatically draped an arm around his neck. "Not at all."

The three of them went up the stairs and out into the street, Gwen and John keeping Anna held steady on her feet. She shuffled a little to the right side, sighing softly, her head dropping against John's chest as Gwen let go of her to open the cab door. He secured his arm tighter just above her waist.

"Sorry," Gwen turned, holding the door open to let them bundle in. "Put a wick in her mouth and she'd burn for a fortnight."

"It's fine." John looked down with wistful eyes at Anna, snuggled down onto the seat. Carefully, he drew the seatbelt over her, fixing it in place. "As long as she'll be alright."

"Oh, don't worry, she'll be fine," Gwen assured, unfolding the seat at the driver's back. "7 Highclere Avenue, please."

As the cab took off, the silver shine of the passing streetlights fell upon Anna's face, keeping her as safe as the presence not that far from her side.

* * *

"Don't be ridiculous, Gwen," Anna spluttered, her faltering steps being aided into the room. "He didn't fancy me. He was being a gentleman." She flopped herself down onto the soft surface waiting beneath her. "He was just concerned, that's all."

Gwen's dismissive laughter ricocheted off the walls. "Well, let me tell you, if he'd been that concerned about me, I wouldn't be helping you into bed right now."

Anna glanced about in the dark, only able to make out a few shadows and Gwen's face in front of her. "Am I in bed?"

"Blimey, how much have you had?"

"Not nearly enough."

Gwen sighed as she pulled the shoes from Anna's feet, hauling her legs up into the bed while Anna's head collapsed onto the pillow. She tucked the duvet comfortably around Anna, who clung onto it, stretching it up to meet her chin.

"It's really nothing," she barely whispered, her head just poking out from underneath the covers."It was just nice to forget…for a little while."

The underlying sadness in her tone couldn't be missed and Gwen was sure she could see Anna blinking back a few tears when she shifted her head on the pillow to look back up at her.

Anna's voice quivered. "You do know that I'm thankful, Gwen? I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you."

"Course I know," Gwen shrugged, fussing with the bedcovers. "Now get some sleep. Then in the morning I'll remind you in precise detail just how embarrassing you've been."

Anna flipped to lie on her stomach, letting out a loud sigh while she buried her face down into the pillow. Making a final check that all was well, Gwen crept out of the room on her tiptoes, stopping at the doorway. She smiled to see her best friend, her limbs splayed out against the sheets, apparently dead to the world. As she was about to leave, her attention was caught by Anna's mumbling. Gwen remembered from their time in university halls that Anna could occasionally be prone to talking in her sleep, and she always found it amusing. This time around, there was only one word that could be heard. As she thrashed round onto her side, it slipped from her again.

"Hmmm…John."

A smirk flew up onto Gwen's face, her hand against the doorframe.

" _Nothing_ , indeed."


	4. Chapter 4

Anna clattered around the little kitchen, bringing two mugs down onto the counter and casting her eye over the contents of the cupboards. Her friend seemed to survive on thin air. There were only a few bits and pieces here and there; a few lonesome-looking tins, half-eaten packets of biscuits and the odd jar of spice that had never been opened. She made a note to herself to do a thorough shop when she ventured out later on. Putting tea into one mug, honey and lemon mixture into the other, she hummed to herself as she waited for the kettle to boil. After the tell-tale click, she swiftly poured and stirred, clinking the spoons against the china. She smiled to herself, satisfied with her efforts, and carefully balanced the drinks in her hands as she padded into the sitting room. She arrived to see Gwen stretched out the length of the sofa in an oversized sweatshirt and pyjama pants, flicking through a magazine, her nose glowing red.

"How are you feeling?" she enquired gently, placing the cold remedy in its mug down on the table within Gwen's reach.

"Rotten, no thanks to you," Gwen replied, her voice hoarse. "Spreading your germs around here." There was a touch of jest in her words, just about noticeable. Still, Anna felt guilty.

"Aww, I'm sorry. I think when I stopped working, my immune system decided to crash too."

The morning after she'd headed out on the town, she'd woken up with a terrible sore throat; it felt very much like she'd gone to sleep on top of a barbed-wire fence. At first she put it down to the inevitable hangover but when that lifted, the cold kicked in full effect. A week later, she was feeling nearly enough back to normal and now had an obligation to nurse Gwen, who sulked much more than she did when unwell.

"I'll make it up to you by buying an everlasting supply of Lemsip and chocolate that you can look forward to once you get your taste buds back."

Gwen smiled as best she could under heavy eyelids. "It's good for one thing at least," she sniffled before she took a sip of the hot drink. "It was my day off tomorrow anyway but I called up and managed to switch shifts about." She smiled and then glanced towards a looming pile of textbooks and papers resting next to the sofa momentarily. "I should really be getting on with that assignment while I've got the time, but sod it. I can always get an extension. I can't face writing when my head feels like it's stuffed with cotton wool."

Anna perched on the arm of the chair opposite, cradling the tea in her hands. "From what I recall, you got some of your best grades when you were worse for wear."

Gwen poked out a pale tongue in response and Anna chuckled. She stared down into her mug, watching circles swirl round in the milky liquid thoughtfully while Gwen went back to the pages of her trashy magazine.

"I was wondering," Anna started, running her finger over the hairline crack that ran up the side of the china, "whether there are many shifts going in the café? I've been looking but apparently there are no PR jobs within a thirty mile radius, so I thought it was worth asking."

A deep frown covered Gwen's face as she glanced back up. "Oh god, Anna, don't do that to yourself. You'd be absolutely wasted there. Not to mention bored out of your skull."

"But I'm bored now, Gwen," she said insistently. "That's exactly why I'm asking. It won't be forever, just while I find something else. Hopefully that'll be sooner rather than later, but you never know." She was aware she was pouting out her bottom lip, looking rather imploringly at her friend. "Please?"

"Alright, I'll have a word when I'm back in."

Anna smiled brightly. "Thanks, you're a star. I just feel like I'm climbing the walls a bit, not doing anything. It's starting to drive me mad."

As she swapped the mug of tea for her phone, Gwen quirked her eyebrows upwards. "So I see." Hardly a few seconds passed with Anna scrolling through the device in studied silence before Gwen erupted.

"Anna, I swear to God, if you look at that thing much more…"

"What?"

She looked up from the screen, her voice going up several octaves high in defence. Gwen only shook her head fiercely and rolled her eyes at what Anna believed was a perfectly acceptable question.

"So you were with him for ten years, and he was sleeping with some bimbo behind your back. Big deal."

Gwen flung her legs off the sofa, planting her feet squarely into her slipper boots while she gave an exaggerated shrug of her shoulders. Now it was Anna's turn to roll her eyes, her expression setting to a shocked scowl briefly before it broke when she saw Gwen's lips curl into a smirk.

"It's no cause for you to be picking that up every five seconds, sitting here like suicide on a stick."

Anna looked to the side of her, half-smiling at Gwen's turns of phrase, before she tossed her head back defiantly, throwing the phone away from her in a swift action.

"It's been nine days.  _Nine days_ , Gwen. And there hasn't been so much as a text." She huffed in exasperation. "I mean, why hasn't he even called to see if I'm okay? To admit how much of a knob he is?  _'Hello, Anna, it's Jez. I'm a knob. Please come home. I love you…'_ and all that rubbish." She sunk back against the chair for a brief moment before jumping forward again, throwing one leg over the other and waving her hand in front of her rapidly. "Oh, I don't care anyway. Bollocks to him. I'm over him."

Gwen clicked her tongue. "Oh, you're  _over_ him."

"Yes, I am. Completely and utterly over him."

"No, you're not."

"I am."

"You're not."

Anna's cheeks reddened in annoyance as she watched Gwen casually flick over the pages of the magazine lying on the chair.

"Gwen, I'm over him." Her voice sounded a little harder. "What do you mean I'm not? How do you know I'm not?"

Gwen let out a lengthened sigh, shifting on the sofa. "Well, two things really. You're still counting how long you've been apart in days, hours, and probably seconds as well."

Anna shot Gwen a pointed look, hoping desperately she wouldn't overhear the clock that was ticking away in her head.

"But the flashing red light way of telling you're not over someone," she went on, "is when you're still reading their horoscope in the hope they're going to get wiped out in some freak nuclear accident."

She'd only just noticed that her eyes had fixed themselves to the page of the magazine that was lying open.

"Smart arse."

Gwen laughed raucously. "What is he?"

"An arsehole." She saw Gwen's face crumple. "Oh, Taurus."

"Taurus…Taurus…" Gwen ran her finger down the page. "Ah, here we go. Well, shows how much I know.  _'With Saturn in the ascendancy, you should be on the lookout for freak nuclear accidents just around the corner, and Anna says bollocks to you.'_  This guy's good."

They collapsed into peals of laughter that were so loud and went on for so long they were almost oblivious to the rap upon the door. Hearing the noise, Anna froze completely, her face draining of colour. She could only think of one person that it could possibly be.  _Speak of the devil._

"You get it," she barked at Gwen as she sprang to her feet instinctively. "No, I will. No, no, you." She hopped around the floor as if there were hot coals underneath her.

"I am  _not_  answering the door like this!" Gwen shrieked, running a hand the length of her to demonstrate.

Anna bent her knees a little, clasping her hands together in desperation. "Please, Gwen, you have to. Say that I'm out. You don't know where, or who with. Especially who with." Her frantic pacing came to a stop, and she looked at Gwen intently. "It won't be him anyway."

"Then it's alright if you go, isn't it?"

Anna tutted, stamping her heel against the carpet lightly, then relented. With each footfall into the hallway, she repeated the words like a mantra out loud, preparing herself.

" _Bollocks to him, bollocks to him, bollocks to him…"_

When she heaved the door open, her mouth hung open in an incredibly unattractive fashion. She certainly hadn't expected it to be him.

"Hello."

John smiled easily, taking a step backwards onto the driveway as if immediately aware she needed space to gather herself.

Anna managed to purse her lips together, moving them effortlessly into a smile after a moment. "Hello."

She brought her arms up, hugging them close against her in the fine breeze that was wafting towards her, and then tucked some of her hair behind her ear, not knowing quite how to act. This was all very unexpected. Though it was obvious and terribly rude, she couldn't stop her eyes from wandering the length of him. He was wearing a light beige mac, a navy suit with a slightly lighter blue shirt underneath. Shiny brown shoes lay at the bottom of his incredibly long legs. Anna had to work hard not to keep staring, and she felt quite ashamed when she raised them to meet his face again. However, he gave no sign whatsoever of having been aware of her rapt attentions, the comfortable smile still there like a badge.

"We've got to stop meeting like this." He laughed a little nervously, touching a hand to the back of his neck. Anna followed suit with a soft giggle, glancing down at the doorstep before she summoned the courage to look up again, their gazes colliding at the very same moment. "How have you been? I hope you didn't feel too bad after the other night."

Anna shook her head a little, the loose strand of hair falling back over her face. "Oh, no. Just a bit of a sore head, but I survived." She smiled to see him regarding her intently, still seeming anxious to make sure that she was alright. "I came down with a cold just after, but I've shook most of it off now."

His brow furrowed in concern. "It comes in threes. As long as you're feeling better now."

"I am. A lot better."

They stayed with their eyes locked on one another, only the sound of the wind and the low hum of passing traffic off on another street surrounding them. Anna searched the corners of her mind for something clever or insightful to say but found that she had absolutely nothing to offer. Yet while their silence was a little awkward, it was a nice kind of awkward.

As though a flashbulb suddenly went off above his head, he held out an arm towards her, a swathe of fabric folded in his palm.

"You left this in the cab," he coughed, holding her scarf out. "The other night. I didn't notice until I nearly tripped over it getting out." A little chortle came from him on reliving the memory. "I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get it back to you. I would have come sooner, but work's just run me into the ground the past week."

Anna smiled, touched by the thoughtful gesture. "It's alright, thank you. You really didn't have to bother, you know."

"Well, it's not really my colour."

He contorted his face in apparent displeasure to accompany the statement, and Anna began to laugh again. Feeling a little shy, she took the scarf up from his proffered hand, her shoulders shuddering a tiny bit when the pad of her thumb brushed the palm through the flimsy fabric. She jerked her head up, wearing another gracious smile and nodding towards him.

He stuffed his hands into his pockets, tapping the pointed toe of one of his shoes against the paving stone beneath his feet and glancing around. "I feel like I should have brought you something else now. A cup of soup, or something. Something that would be more use to you."

Anna giggled, wiping her feet back and forth against the mat. "It's fine, honestly. This is more than enough."

Once again, she'd gone totally blank.  _Oh god, Anna, think. It's not that hard._  Her eyes were riveted to where his hands were covered, billowed in his trousers either side of him. They narrowed further, travelling along to catch the gleam of his belt buckle… _Oh, Jesus, stop it!_ In an instant, they shot back up and she caught her breath a bit too fast. She could have sworn he was smirking at her, quite amused at her erratic actions.

"Um, and how is work? I mean, aside from being really busy, you said that…" She was babbling now.

"Not too bad," he uttered in a relaxed tone. "Just a few meetings this morning. I've finished for the day now, which is nice…"

Before he could finish, a shout came from behind the door, inside the sitting room.

"Bloody hell Anna, are you going to be there all day? I'm going to get hypothermia with that draught…oh, hello."

Gwen appeared at the door, biscuit in one hand, eyeing John from head to toe.

"Hello."

"I don't think I introduced myself the other night," she spluttered through a mouthful of crumbs, holding out her other hand to take his. "I'm Gwen. Anna's flatmate. Well, sort of. She's staying with me at the moment. This is my house. Well, not mine technically, but you know."

Gwen seemed to be having the complete opposite affliction as she talked at ninety miles an hour, and Anna wanted the ground to swallow her. She gave Gwen a gentle nudge on the arm, but she took no notice. John only kept smiling, not perturbed in the slightest.

"It's John, isn't it?"

"It is, indeed." He looked slightly puzzled to how she could have known, and Anna swivelled her head to her friend, equally perplexed. She hadn't mentioned any names.

Gwen grinned, shaking his hand. "Pleased to meet you, John. Properly, that is."

The three of them stood at the door exchanging awkward smiles, Anna attempting to subtly stare Gwen out until she got the hint to move.

After a few moments of silence, Gwen piped up, jumping onto her tiptoes. "You know, wherever you're off to, Anna would love to come as well."

Anna's mouth dropped open again, aghast. "Gwen!" she hissed.

Gwen held her arms out over either side of the doorframe, thwarting any protests. "She's been cooped up inside all week, complaining about it non-stop," she trilled cheerfully. "She's just dying to get out. She needs other company, someone who isn't full of the lurgy."

John looked back and forth between the two, his eyes settling on Anna with a questioning gaze. "If you're sure…?"

"She is," Gwen snapped. "Just give her an hour or so, and she'll be ready to go."

"Okay then," John made to turn back down the driveway, giving Anna another searching look before he left. "If you really want to."

Anna dropped her shoulders, nodding and smiling at him. "I could do with some light on my face. Before I turn invisible."

A smile lit up his features as he went from the door, and he nodded towards her. "Well, I'll see you then."

"You will."

As she shut the door behind them, Anna turned round, hands planted on her hips while Gwen continued to smirk.

"Gwen!" she exclaimed, nearly breathless. "What the hell?!"

"Oh, come on," Gwen tossed her head to the side. "You weren't going to make the first move, not while you're still hung up on Mr. Arsehole. Leave it to you, and you'd have gone round in circles for months."

Anna stood, still in shock at what had just happened quicker than she could get her head around, while Gwen bounced up the staircase.

"And now if Jez  _does_  turn up, I don't have to lie," she shouted gleefully over the banister. "I don't know where you are, and definitely not who with." She winked down at Anna before she scampered into one of the rooms above.

Well, it was a good alibi, she couldn't deny that. And if she was honest with herself, she hoped that the next hour would go very quickly indeed.

* * *

She sat straight against the red leather seat in the booth, her fingers playing with the edges of the menu, her eyes darting around the various neon signs that hung from the walls and ceiling. A slurping sound from across the table caught her attention, and she looked over to see John polishing off the remainder of his banana milkshake. Satisfied, he reclined back and smiled at her, faltering when he couldn't quite read her gaze. She pointed reluctantly to his upper lip, where a faint trail of milk lay sitting just above the curve. Without haste, he wiped the residue away with a serviette from the silver container on the table between them, and she giggled at his conscientiousness strokes.

"Gone?"

"Yep," she chortled, noticing that his cheeks had gone a little pink. "I've got to admit, I didn't really expect you to be the type to frequent an American-style diner."

John laughed, clasping his hands together underneath his chin, elbows planted upon the table. "I know, I know. Rob's wife brought us here a while ago, otherwise I doubt I ever would have set foot in here. She's from America, and she gets a bit homesick every now and then. It's not really much like the ones over there at all, but they do some pretty good stuff." He pointed a finger to the empty glass at the right-hand side of him. "Especially the milkshakes."

"I have to agree," Anna smiled, still tasting the sweet chocolate milk on her tongue, folding her hands over her full stomach contentedly. She noticed a particular twinkle in his eyes as he rested his chin upon one of his palms, leaning himself a little further across the table.

"What is it?"

He smirked at the confused expression on her face.

"Oh, nothing." He waved his free hand in the air. "I was just wondering, I suppose. What it was you did expect of me."

Anna coloured as his eyes pierced her, and she attempted to organise the million thoughts running round in her head. "I don't know," she began, "Just don't ask me to guess, because I'm rubbish at that." He looked a little disappointed. "I could ask you a few questions, if you don't mind?"

He smiled openly. "Fire away."

She contemplated, one particular thing that fascinated her firing up in her mind immediately.

"Where are you from? I can't quite place your accent."

"Ireland, originally. With Scottish ancestry." Somehow it all seemed to make sense now, his appearance, his demeanour. "Inbetween, I've been all over the place, so it's a bit of a mish-mash." A chuckle sounded from the back of his throat.

She was getting more confident. "Starsign?"

He raised his eyebrows in bemusement. "Really?"

"Yes," Anna laughed.

"Sagittarius."

She nodded, her eyes drifting down to examine his hands, the long, sturdy but simultaneously elegant looking fingers. Her gaze honed in on his ring finger, and her heart jumped when she saw that it was bare. No, it'd be far too intrusive, not to mention far too presumptuous, to ask that.

Her head flicked back up to regard him, and a smile that now seemed instinctive bloomed upon her. "Your job? You've spoken about it, but I've realised I don't actually know what it is." She saw his eyes narrow at her, and her lips quirked. "It's not a sore point, honestly."

His expression relaxed. "Just have one guess."

Anna rolled her tongue against her cheek and her eyes upwards, before relenting. "Umm," she drummed her fingers lightly on the table, "Something to do with writing? An editor, perhaps?"

"Very close," he wagged a finger towards her, looking impressed. "I'm in publishing. Head of a publishing company, to be precise."

"Wow," she breathed, "that's very cool."

Those long fingers of his extended, unfurled to brush away any notion of grandeur. "It sounds a lot more impressive than it actually is. I spend most of my time running around after authors, acting like their personal servant. It's quite the life."

He laughed, swatting invisible specks of dust before splaying his hands on the table top.

"This one author is really trying my patience right now. I've spent the best part of the last six months going back and forth to them, trying to dust up a load of fiddly details. They're insisting they're still not ready to go to print, despite the deadline being up a few weeks ago." He swiped one hand across the surface, sighing and shrugging his shoulders. "But what can you do? Just have to grin and bear it."

Anna's brow dropped in empathy. "Sounds trying. Clients can be a pain."

He nodded his head vigorously in agreement, and then lifted his gaze back to her, his irises sparkling anew. "It's funny, I just realised – that author is based in the same offices as your old company." A vibrant grin stretched across his face in recognition. "I've been virtually living there for half a year. It's strange that I hadn't seen you before."

"Well, it was just the base. If we had something on, I was hardly there," Anna explained. "So it's not too unusual." She licked her lips quickly, adjusting the sugar bowl on the counter. "Of course, you won't be seeing me there from now on."

"More's the pity."

His voice was a low rumble, and Anna felt her stomach contract as his hand edged further over the table. She glanced up to see him smiling reassuringly at her, not at all imposing. She doubted he could ever be that way. A wave of unplaced emotion, not quite guilt or even really doubt, rose up within while his unfaltering gaze warmed her.

"Look, John, maybe I shouldn't be here." Her words wavered a little as she said them, as though she hadn't really got them straight in her head yet. "I'm sorry. I'm not being fair."

She gulped in a breath, a fingertip picking up stray granules of sugar laying upon the table and her eyes trailing their course, before she gathered enough poise to look him in the eyes again. His gaze fixed upon her made her smile a little, and gave her the encouragement to go on.

"Under circumstances that weren't so messed up…if I hadn't just got out of a very long relationship…" she stumbled momentarily. "You're very nice, and funny. Gwen thinks you're cute."

"Wait, let me get this straight," he stuttered, "Gwen thinks I'm cute?" In a split second, he snatched up the menu that was lying by his side. "Great, I've just blown…hang on…£3.40 on the wrong girl. Typical."

Anna couldn't stop herself from chuckling, just a little nervously.

"Listen, Anna. Do you believe that things happen for a reason?"

She frowned, twisting her hands together in her lap.

"I'm not sure. I used to want to believe in fate, it seemed such a nice idea. But I'm not sure what I think about having no control over what happens in my life. That's more than a bit scary."

She let out a little sigh and lifted her eyes to the ceiling, the blinking neon sign at the side of her flickering in and out of her vision.

"I do think we're meant to meet certain people at certain times, though. It's happened to me with Gwen, and other people." The corners of her lips involuntarily curled upwards.

"There you go. I agree." John's voice was smooth, soothing, completely measured. "Sometimes we find ourselves plonked in people's lives when they just need to be cheered up a bit. We don't always know the reason why. In your case, it seems to be my job. I'll be honest, the fact that I find you moderately attractive just makes the job easier on my part." He smiled a cheeky grin, which softened in the next second. "It needn't be anything like that, you know. My intentions are completely honourable. I have no desire to overstep the mark."

She believed him resolutely, and relief washed over her as she sank back into the booth, her whole body relaxed. An easy silence fell between them, before she quirked up an eyebrow towards him.

" ' _Moderately_ attractive'?"

He laughed. "Ah, I knew you were listening. Well, you know, lose the sad eyes, the droopy shoulders. Use that smile a bit more. Then we'd be talking."

Anna pursed her lips and scrunched her forehead in mock-offence, and then unfolded her arms, unable to keep up the pretence for long.

"You might get a smile if I can get another chocolate milkshake."

"M'lady, your wish is my command."

* * *

They walked side by side up the street, the sky above them turning a shade of dark lilac, Anna's hands laden with bags. The thought had only occurred to her as they were wandering through the centre of town that she had intended to go to the supermarket today, and though she hadn't managed to do the extensive shop she'd planned, she was equipped with enough. Glancing down, she smiled to see the colourful tulips carefully wrapped up in plastic poking from the top of one of the bags. She'd been admiring them while waiting in the queue and was very pleasantly surprised when John presented a small bunch to her when she'd finished paying, having sneaked off to another till. Because he still felt guilty about turning up unannounced on the doorstep, dragging her out when she wasn't a hundred per cent better, he said. And at least she'd be able to appreciate them properly now she'd regained all of her faculties.

Their synchronised steps came to a halt just outside the gate.

"Thanks for this afternoon, John." Anna shifted the bags in her grasp to run a hand through her hair. "I'm sorry for making you trudge around shopping. It's not the most thrilling way to end things."

He tilted his head to the side, causing the loose lock of hair hanging over his forehead to judder. "Are you kidding? Milkshakes, fries and the wonder of self-service checkouts? Afternoons don't get much better in my book."

She flashed a bright smile. "And thank you again for the flowers. You really didn't have to."

"It's not a problem. I wanted to." His own smile was now the mirror image of hers.

"They're lovely."

Once again, they stood facing each other, smiling and catching each other's gaze. Anna shifted on the spot, giggling almost inaudibly as she looked down at the pavement. She felt like she'd lived this moment a thousand times before, and yet thrilling jolts of electricity she'd never experienced coursed through her.

At the same time, they both opened their mouths to speak, and then laughed at the coincidence.

"You go." John held out a hand in the air, gesturing for her to continue.

She gave a small nod, biting softly on her bottom lip before she begun again.

"I was just going to say, it's been fun. I needed to get out of the house, and really, this did just the trick."

He smiled in a way that conveyed silently to her how glad he was to have been involved in turning the tide. One of her nails poked a small hole in the handle of one of the bags she was holding as she studied his expression.

"It's just, next time, I'd like it to be a little less impromptu."

She could see he was a little taken aback, swallowing his words before he managed to spit one out.

"Really?"

"Yes," she uttered confidently. "I am a walking disaster, after all. I don't know when I might need cheering up next. And seeing as it's your job, I think I should have your services to hand."

The cloud of disbelief lifted and he stood staring at her, wearing a grin that would surely split his face soon enough. Anna beamed back at him, the contact between them broken when his gaze dropped, scrambling around in his pockets and then patting his chest.

"I must have left my phone at work."

"It's alright, you can have my number." She carefully planted the shopping bags at her feet, got her phone and a receipt from her jacket pocket, and scrawled on the back. "Just text me whenever. I'm not going anywhere any time soon."

He folded the paper between his fingertips carefully before placing it inside his coat.

"I suppose I'll see you soon, then."

"You will."

She grinned, the smile staying firm on her face as he set off down the street, turning to stop, stand and then wave at her once before he carried on away.

Anna stopped, losing herself in a fragment of a daydream before she picked up the bags, went in the gate and unlocked the door. This day certainly hadn't come close to anything she was expecting. She chuckled to think of Gwen stretched out on the sofa, oblivious but full of questions. She'd decided that she was definitely going to cook a treat for dinner tonight.


	5. Chapter 5

The sun was shining brighter than it seemed to have done for a while in an unobscured blue sky and a slight, pleasant breeze was playing delicately at her back. Anna smiled to herself as she passed along the shop fronts on the quiet street, glancing upwards to take in the view underneath the shade. It was shaping up to be a perfect spring day, which made for a very lovely Sunday morning. It was so nice she hadn't even had to wear a jacket this morning, and her wedge sandals had been able to make an early appearance. She was surprised that she could hear a chorus of birds chirping away unseen amongst the cityscape and lingered for a little while to let the melody fill her head, until she pressed forth. It was interrupted softly by the tinkle of the bell above as she pushed the door open lightly. No sooner had it sounded and she took a silent step inside did the booming, jolly voice burst into the air. Anna greeted Angelo, the café owner, opening the window blinds slightly to let some of the warm morning light spill through the interior before she shrugged off her cardigan and passed through to the cool storeroom at the back, getting herself prepared.

She had been working at the café for a few weeks now and things were going well. Despite the many points that Gwen had complained about, Anna found it a good place to work. Being taken on as casual staff, her shifts could be erratic and she was often left with the dregs that nobody else wanted to fill – such as early on a Sunday morning – but really, she couldn't make a fuss about it. She was glad to be occupied for a few hours at a time and there were much worse situations she could find herself in. Very occasionally, she'd find herself on a shift that overlapped with one of Gwen's and they were able to work side by side for fifteen minutes or so, passing each other on the floor as they took orders, Gwen whispering offhand comments as they weaved about which made her have to painfully stifle her giggles. It was a little strange to be working with Gwen, but it was nice and her presence there seemed to have a good effect on Gwen, who certainly seemed to moan much less now about how awful and soul-destroying it all was there. Anna laughed to herself; she always thought Gwen had missed her calling in life by not going to that amateur dramatics society in university. The only problem she had encountered so far was a couple of smarmy customers who had tried hard to buy her a cup of coffee while sliding their numbers across the counter towards her, but they had been easy enough to deal with using a gritted smile and a few carefully chosen words.

Carrying the tray of newly made sandwiches out into the front, she glanced around before she started to load them into the cooling rack. Angelo took care of business alone for the first hour on a Sunday before she or any other member of staff came in, but there had been no sign of any customers entering. She was the sole person there. She gave a small shrug of her shoulders as she arranged the sandwiches, sizing up the collection a little consciously. Things would surely pick up in no time at all, and then she'd be wishing for a bit of peace and quiet. The thought that had been circling her mind incessantly came to the forefront again, and made her hope it might stay the way it was, so she may be able to finish earlier than intended.

Over the last few weeks, she'd also seen John as often as their respective commitments would allow. Since they'd exchanged numbers, they'd arranged a number of casual meetings in a few different places. Most of the time they would sit together for a couple of hours over a coffee, or another guilty pleasure of a milkshake at the diner he'd first recommended, and let the time flow effortlessly by them. He'd taken her to a new exhibition at the National Gallery and last week they went to see a film, which had been a nice change, but Anna much preferred when they were able to simply chat, she enjoyed his company so much. There had even been a couple of mornings when he had taken her by surprise as she stood behind the counter, smiling as he stopped in on his way to work to grab something to eat. Now whenever she was on an early shift she found herself craning to look out of the window, her heart thudding a million miles a minute in case the bell tinkled and he suddenly appeared.

It was crazy, really, and she still wasn't sure why she was thinking in such a way, like a teenager possessed by a silly infatuation. She was quite certain that she wasn't ready to enter into anything resembling a relationship, and as well, she didn't really know how John felt about her. He'd made some flattering remarks in passing, which she had to admit had thrilled her from head to toe, but she told herself it was only because he was a good man, and was trying his best to make her feel better about herself in the aftermath of so much bad. Even more stupidly, she felt that if anything were to happen – which it wouldn't, she assured herself – it would be as if she was being unfaithful to Jeremy, and so the mere idea made her retreat. That really was ridiculous, considering that he was the one who had cheated on her, so spectacularly, and had since made no effort to call her or apologise. He clearly couldn't have cared less, so why should she? Yet there still remained something, niggling away. But she resolved that whatever it was, she wouldn't let it drag her down, not when she was feeling so happy and content with herself, dare say more so than she had done in years. She wasn't going to classify whatever was happening with John; all she knew was that it was contributing to getting her life back on track, putting the pieces back together.

She smiled thinking of the suggestion she had made the last time they had seen each other. Spring had arrived and, though she didn't want to tempt fate with her thinking, the weather had been fine for an uninterrupted run of more than a week. It made sense in her head and he seemed to have been pleased by the idea when she uttered it aloud. She said they should go for a picnic, on a day when they both had plenty of time to spare to enjoy it properly, preferably a weekend. They'd settled on this Sunday, which suited her as her shift would finish at midday.

For some reason, she'd woken this morning feeling as if a whole butterfly sanctuary had been let loose in her stomach and, restless anyway, got up a little earlier to allow herself the time to get together what was needed. She'd carried the wicker basket with the blanket nestled inside with her to work, even though the plan was to go back home and change before the afternoon. She'd left it in the back but her thoughts drifted, and she took her eyes from the shaft of light that had fallen across the tablecloth to gaze towards the storeroom, a fingertip running across her bottom lip in contemplation. Then she found herself staring at the rows of sandwiches again, and then the delicious looking cream cakes sitting beneath. She cursed herself silently; she'd never have the time to dash to the delicatessen inbetween leaving here and heading for home.

"Go on then, you can take a few things." The cheery Italian voice came from her back.

"Are you sure? It won't be much."

"It's no problem. Judging by so far, they'll only be going to waste anyway. You take what you need, bella."

Refilling the empty tray with her selections, placing them down with care into the rapidly filling basket, Anna smiled, proudly pleased with herself. Content that there was more than enough to offer, she threw the chequered cloth over the top with a flourish. This would be quite the picnic.

* * *

Anna leaned her head to the side, wisps of her hair gently lifting in the breeze as she tucked her knees underneath her. The rays of the afternoon sun beat down upon her head and she had to squint to look out across the riverbank, the waves of the Thames flowing gently and unhurried by. She really should have brought her sunglasses but after minutes spent scouring the rather minimal amount of her belongings at the house hadn't been able to locate them, and she was already in a panic thinking she was running late without stopping off to buy a new pair. She brought a hand up to shelter her eyes, and focused on an equally enrapturing sight that was directly before her.

John was stretched out on the blanket laying beneath them both, propping himself up by one hand splayed out upon it. Having not come from work, he was more casually dressed than she'd seen him before and dressed for the weather too, in a short-sleeved black polo shirt and dark jeans that Anna couldn't fail to take careful notice of as his legs were lazily draped across, his feet curled some way away from the edge of the blanket. Her gaze was transfixed to his fingers as they perused the still plentiful spread of food that was laid out. They hovered thoughtfully for moments until he carefully plucked an apple, tossing it into the air playfully before it landed firmly in his strong palm and he took a bite. Anna's eyes wandered from his wrist to his forearm, watching the muscles there tighten and flex keenly as he grasped and raised the apple to his mouth periodically. Feeling a little warm, she blinked hard, putting the bottle of lemonade to her lips and taking a hearty swig. The rush of fizz tickled her throat unexpectedly, and she rasped a short cough before she picked up a fat strawberry by its leaf from the punnet.

"You should have champagne to go with those." His voice floated richly upon the air, low and soft.

"Our budget doesn't stretch quite that far," Anna chuckled, savouring the juice from another strawberry and wiping her hands on a serviette. She scrunched up her nose in consideration. "Besides, I've never really liked champagne all that much. It's all bubbles and no substance. I can't really see the point."

"Spoken like a true connoisseur. Ah, who needs it when lemonade does the trick?" John laughed and reached for his own bottle, unscrewing the cap deftly. He reclined a little further back, bringing one of his knees up, and languidly glanced at the scene around them.

"It's a good spot," he began, having taken in a panoramic view. "I've walked down here a few times but never stopped to take notice of it like this. Really makes you appreciate what's on your doorstep."

She smiled, gazing around at the view she'd studied a thousand times before herself, noticing a myriad of different things now. "I love it here," she said, unable to contain the enthusiasm in her tone. "I could happily sit here for hours, watching the water go by, just amusing myself. We didn't live that far from the River Aire when I was little, and I always used to love going down there in the summer, and even when it wasn't that nice. My mum used to have kittens worrying about me staying out there too long, I think she'd convinced herself I'd fall in and be swept away one day." She laughed a little at the memory. "I'm not sure why, but I've always been attracted to the water. Maybe I was a mermaid in a former life."

He chortled loudly at her musing, and Anna loved the sound that came surging from him. Having had her fill of strawberries, her fingers began toying aimlessly with the fringe of the blanket. It amused her to notice that his were a mirror image opposite hers.

"Do you miss home a lot? Would you ever think about going back?"

Anna pondered his question for a moment, fixing the cardigan on her shoulder.

"I don't really give it a lot of thought, which probably means that I don't. When I was a teenager, Castleford seemed like the most boring place on earth and I couldn't wait for the day when I could get out. But I suppose the same goes for most kids, no matter where they're from."

She began to plait two fraying strands between her fingertips, possessed by a sudden wave of nostalgia for her hometown.

"I came to the bright lights of London for university and just stuck around afterwards because it made the most sense for what I wanted to do. It was like you couldn't start a career in PR if you weren't here. And yeah…it's been home ever since. It'd seem a shame to think about moving now, when I've only just got a proper handle on the Tube network."

They both laughed.

"Of course, I miss my family, but going back for a couple of weeks for holidays is enough for me, as it stands. You never know where life takes you though."

John popped a grape into his mouth, chewing thoughtfully. "That's very true. I've got to say, you haven't lost the accent."

"Urgh, I know," Anna frowned. "You can take the girl out of Yorkshire, but you can't take Yorkshire out of the girl. The looks some clients have given me when they've heard me speak."

"I like it," he asserted. "It makes you stand out, which is a good thing. Plus, it's very tuneful." He purred the last word with a very distinct melody of his own.

A giggle escaped Anna unbidden. "Why, thank you for saying so, Mr Bates." The natural way that she lengthened her vowels saying his formal name made his lips quirk up into a unique smile.

"So you've no plans to leave the capital anytime soon?"

"I don't see why I would," Anna stated, smoothing down the blanket with her palm before she sighed heavily. "Unless I don't find another job. There just don't seem to be any going at all, which is really strange. You'd think people would be crying out for PR executives, there's always something new going on. But obviously not." She paused for a moment. "And really, why would I ever want to leave working in a place that makes such great sandwiches?"

She rolled her shoulders, looking up to watch the reassuring flow of the river once more but caught sight of his warm eyes instead, which seemed to be far better at comforting her.

"Have you ever thought of setting up your own company?" The smoothness of his words made it sound as if it were so simple. "I mean, you've got the experience, the know-how, the contacts. It sounds as if you've got tons of great ideas too."

She shook her head in uncertainty. "I don't know…I wouldn't know where to begin. I'm hopeless at budgeting, and that kind of thing. I'd make a disastrous loss in the first six months, and most likely end up bankrupting all my clients."

"You can get someone in to handle that, no problem."

Anna smiled graciously at his thoughtfulness. "I don't think I could, not right now anyway. It's a confidence thing, and I'm running low on that." She sighed again, rolling a grape between her fingers. "I'll just spend the next year or so trailing around the agencies hopelessly, taking anything I can. It's funny, I mean I'm not the most ambitious of people, but you spend years toiling away just to inch a little way along and one tiny thing sends you hurtling back down at the speed of light. It's almost like having nothing to show for anything."

John wrinkled his brow. "Don't talk like that, something will come along soon enough. And even if it doesn't, what's to say you can't do something else?" He fixed a look upon her, and she had to suck in a breath. "You can change your life if you want to. Sometimes you have to be hard on yourself, but you can change it completely." His voice faltered just a little as his words trailed away. "I know."

Anna nodded her head subconsciously, letting what he said sink in. It sounded as though he'd had more than a little first-hand experience of giving life an overhaul and as much as she yearned to know what he was speaking of, her head screamed at her not to intrude. Instead, she shook herself mentally, warned herself not to go on feeling sorry, and smiled warmly at him.

"What about you? Would you ever think of leaving life in London?"

"I don't reckon so," he affirmed. "I think this is me set now. I've seen my fair share of the world with work and the like. I was in Italy before I came back here a few years ago. Only just got the position at the company when I had to move again."

She almost hadn't heard him say the last sentence, and leant herself forward to catch what he said as he went on, shifting slightly and gazing down at the blanket.

"I'd been back two months when I got the call to say my mother wasn't well." He ran a hand that was trembling just slightly through his hair. "So that was me, upping sticks again to Ireland. It was a good job I went when I did, because she only lasted a couple of months longer. I should have gone sooner, really, but hindsight's a wonderful thing."

Anna had the urge to reach out and take his hand, not expecting such a revelation, but instead she left hers twisted in her lap, her head inclining to one side and her eyes wide in sympathy.

"The company gave me compassionate leave, and I ended up staying for gone two years afterwards. I think I just had a longing, like I wanted to be near her, near everything I used to know. I got a little bit lost for a while, and to be honest, it was all a bit of a blur." He cleared his throat, then looked back up towards her. "I eventually came back here about two years ago, got back into the groove again. It took a while, but I haven't looked back since."

She was aware that her eyes were welling a little, her own past hurtling back to meet her painfully.

"I can empathise," she said softly. "My dad died when I was 12. Car accident. I remember it was the school holidays, we got a knock on the door one evening." She pictured her younger self, innocently opening the front door as her mum was busy in the kitchen and being confronted by two policemen. "To be honest, I think it was a big part of me wanting to leave. Nothing ever seemed the same afterwards."

John nodded in recognition. "I was lucky really, having such good ties here. I mean, I've known Rob since we were at university, and then we started working together. It's been like a second home, and I've always had somewhere to go, with him living here." Anna noticed that he looked a little wistful, regret seeming to cover his countenance as he gazed out at the river. "He's been there for me often enough, but I don't think I've done the same in return."

He went quiet, clamming up in deep contemplation. After a little while, Anna salvaged things.

"I'm sure you have. You talk really highly of him, and from what I've heard him say about you, I know he thinks the same." A spark of a smile started on her lips, and grew as she looked in the same direction where his attention was focused. "I suppose that's the main thing. As long as you have good people around you, holding you up, it doesn't matter where in the world you are."

John turned himself back towards her, with a smile embedded on his face too.

"You're incredibly wise, Miss Smith."

She laughed at the way he addressed her, giving a playful little toss of her head in response. He swiped a hand over his face, hiding a shamed expression.

"Oh God, I'm sorry. Here we are having a lovely picnic and I have to sink the conversation lower than the Thames itself." A short, muffled laugh exploded from behind his hands. "I'm sure I have no idea why you want to spend time with me."

"I do," Anna chimed cheerfully, "and I also know exactly what will help brighten things up."

She dug her hands into the depths of the wicker basket and produced a line of little individually boxed cakes, setting them out one by one on the blanket between them.

His eyes sparked to life again instantly, a smirk rising on his lips. "You think of everything."

She smiled, holding a spoon to her mouth, thinking carefully about which one to plump for. After making her mind up, she reached her hand down and felt a jolt charge through her as her fingers landed firmly against his knuckles, already planted on the container. Her heart jumped into her throat, any movements that she was able to make immobilised as their hands stayed placed upon one another for a split second, though it felt like an eternity. He moved his hand away back onto the blanket, and she could begin to breathe again.

"You know, this isn't fair. I need to return the favour," he said, calmer than anything. Anna was a little disappointed that he didn't sound as dizzy and breathless as she felt. "We should get you out of the house for the whole day. How are you fixed next Saturday?"

"Um, I don't think I have plans," she pondered. "I haven't got a shift. My day might just consist of crying about how terrible my life is."

"Excellent. Well, when that's finished, how do you fancy visiting some of my territory?"

Anna quirked up her eyebrows. "That sounds most intriguing, Mr Bates."

"It's settled then." He smiled. "Just as well, because I think it might take a week for us to get through the rest of this."

* * *

Leaning against the kitchen counter, Anna watched as Gwen sorted through the washing.

"I got a 2.1 on my assignment," Gwen casually mentioned as she folded up a pair of trousers.

"Oh Gwen, that's brilliant," Anna exclaimed. "I knew you'd do well."

Gwen huffed, obviously not as pleased with the result. "I was hoping for a first. I really thought I'd get one this time around." She balled up a pair of socks and threw them with force into the washing machine. Anna took a step back to avoid any flying debris.

"Don't be hard on yourself, it's still a great mark. I don't know how you find the time to fit everything in, work and college. And here I am, dossing."

Gwen furrowed her brow and then smirked, holding up a top to assess whether she could get away with not washing it. "You could spend some of your free time writing for me," she laughed. "Oh well, there's always next time."

She banged the washing machine door shut and it soon set to whirring at a low volume, accompanying their conversation.

"Enough about me, anyway," Gwen chirped. "What I want to know about is you and John." Her eyebrows raised towards Anna, as well as her voice going up in a sing-song note as she said the last few words.

Anna shook her head gently, bracing her hand against the worktop.

"Gwen, there is no 'me and John'."

"Yeah, right." Gwen tutted, walking to the cupboard.

"I'm serious," Anna insisted. "It's not like that. It's…"

She searched for the right words to describe the situation, and the longer she took the more she could feel Gwen's eyes burning a hole in her.

"We're having a nice time in each other's company, that's all. Not everything has to turn into something." She gazed down at her hands, picking off a crumbling bit of varnish from one of her nails. "It's just good to have someone else to be with, to talk to."

"Oh, thanks a lot," Gwen flounced her head, pretending to be annoyed.

Anna smirked at the reaction. "You know what I mean. Someone who doesn't know all the ins and outs of everything with Jez and all that. I feel different when I'm with him." She didn't realise how wide she was smiling. "Freer, less wound up. It's just…nice."

Gwen leant against the drawers, her arms folded and wearing a knowing grin.

" _Nice,_ " she repeated, lifting her eyes upwards. "If you say so."

Anna made to march her way over to her friend, intending to make her look less smug, when she jumped a little at her phone buzzing against the counter. Looking down, her lips curled when she saw the name flash up on the screen.

"I wonder who that could be."

Anna stuck her tongue out swiftly at Gwen before she picked up the handset and answered.

"Hey," she said, her voice smiling.

"Hey." He sounded just the same even over a distorted phoneline, his tone rich and smooth. A tiny shiver shot up her spine. "I hope you're well?"

"I am. How are you?"

"Good, good, can't complain." There was a little pause, and she could hear him taking in a breath, considering. "I was just wondering, whether you'd like to go out tonight?"

"Tonight?"

"Yes, you know, the tonight that comes immediately after today." He chortled into her ear.

"John, just hang on a second."

"Sure."

Anna covered her hand over the phone, taking it away from her ear momentarily. "He wants to go out tonight," she mouthed to Gwen, who enthusiastically mouthed the word 'Go' back to her. She nearly broke into giggles at how wide Gwen's eyes had become and how furiously she was nodding her head.

"I'm back."

"Hello again. Yeah, well, Rob's wife has got a gig tonight in a place downtown, a few of us are going along. And I thought it'd be nice if you were there too. I mean, if you don't have an early morning or anything…"

"No. I mean, no, I don't have an early morning, not no, I don't want to come. Yes. Yes, I'd love to. If there's room for a little one."

Anna cursed herself for sounding so stupid, slamming her other palm against her forehead.

John laughed lightly. "Great. I'll see you around eight?"

"Eight'd be great."  _Oh, bloody hell, Anna._

"See you then. Have a good day, Anna."

"You too. Bye."

No sooner had she ended the call did she hear Gwen cooing.

"Oooooh,  _tonight_. Big date."

Anna rolled her eyes at her friend. "Gwen, it's not a date. There are going to be other people there. His friends."

"And that  _isn't_  important?" Gwen emphasised the gravity in her words. "I'd say that's tantamount to meeting the in-laws." She chuckled as a barely audible gasp came from Anna. "Plus, it's the first time you've been out with him of a night time. Big steps, indeed."

As Gwen padded away into the next room, Anna glanced up, looking at the fine droplets of drizzle that had started to fall upon the windowpane. With one hand still braced against the counter, her other flipped her phone about nervously. Though she knew Gwen had been joking, there was a significance in what she said that couldn't be denied. Would it be too much, too soon? What if she did or said something that could be misconstrued? Holding her phone in her palm, she wondered whether she should call him back, make some kind of excuse. The thought of doing so made her stomach burn. Decisively, she put the handset down onto the counter and pushed herself away gently.  _You think too much._  That had always been her problem. She'd just get on with her day, and worry about it later, when the time came around. And perhaps not even worry, but enjoy herself.

* * *

The falling night air was chillier now than it had been a few hours previously, and Anna wrapped her shawl tighter around her shoulders, trying not to shiver quite so much.

"Cora's a wonderful singer," she exclaimed as they passed under the softly glowing streetlamp, taking their time to keep in step with each other. "I thought I was going to cry a few times. She just blew me away."

John smiled softly at Anna's astonishment, nodding his head a couple of times to agree.

"She can hold a tune. One of her many talents, including putting up with Rob."

They both laughed, their breath making visible patterns upon the air. John shifted his feet beneath him, tilting his head to the side.

"I hope it wasn't overwhelming for you. I didn't think there were going to be that many people there."

"Oh, it was fine," Anna's hands danced against her shawl. "Everybody was really nice, at least the ones I got the chance to talk to. And I'm sure everyone else is too." She moved forward a couple of inches, tapping a hand lightly against his arm, and his eyes flickered towards her. "You've got a few talents too. You certainly know how to pick friends."

A wide grin flooded his face, and Anna couldn't help but reciprocate.

"I had a really nice time tonight, John."

He leaned back on his heels, his head tipping and his expression turning apparently displeased. "Oh, did you?" he whined. "Sorry. That's against the rules, isn't it?"

Anna giggled melodiously, wagging a finger in the air. "Yes, it is, so just bear that in mind in future, would you? I'm getting over a major break-up, I can't be seen to be smiling too much in public."

"It's a good job it's dark then, isn't it?"

His breath was warmer against her face now as he was just centimetres away from her. She fluttered her eyelashes upwards to see the side of his cheek before her, as he bent to her left side. She managed to exhale the breath she was holding when his lips grazed her cheek, softer than the fall of a feather, leaving her skin tingling. He lingered in front of her for a few seconds, eyes roaming over her features, before some force intervened to pull him back.

"Good night, Anna. Take care," he uttered, his voice just above a whisper. "Have a think about what I said. About changing things. You can do it, you're stronger than you know."

She smiled and nodded, her hands clasping above her elbows as he started to walk backwards, keeping his gaze upon her in the shadows.

"Wear something warm on Saturday." He shouted a little to reach her as he got further away. "Boots or trainers. No heels."

"Oh god," she rasped, "you're not going to take me on some assault course or something, are you?"

"Do I look like I'm into assault courses?" He chuckled, the sound as vibrant in her ear as if he were standing right by her side. "See you then."

* * *

The next morning, Anna met Gwen on the landing as she tumbled out of her room, rubbing her fists over her eyes.

"Morning," she trilled, surprising herself at how cheery she sounded.

"Good morning," Gwen replied back, a certain look painted all over her face. "And what time did you call that last night, young lady?"

Anna sighed, adjusting the tie on her robe while stifling a yawn. "Don't act like my mother, Gwen. One fussy, overbearing woman is enough for me to deal with."

Gwen sniggered. "Well, she'd want to know I was looking out for you. I was well in bed when you stumbled in. What other things has John got lined up for you?"

She was doing it again, saying his name in a funny little way, the way she imagined her teenage cousins to speak when they were talking about their latest crushes.

"Come off it, Gwen. He's a friend. Okay? A friend. I'm not remotely interested in him romantically."

"You're not."

This was getting tiring now. "No."

Gwen leaned against the doorframe, her arms folded tight against her in defiance.

"So how come you haven't asked me since last night whether anyone had called while you were gone? That's the first time you've haven't done that since you've been staying here."

The thought hadn't even crossed Anna's mind. She hadn't remembered doing that, or not doing that, at all. All she could remember was her laughter as she leant against John in the bar, the music filtering behind them. His hand brushing hers momentarily. His aftershave clinging to her, that she could still smell.

His lips touching her cheek so barely, that she'd believe they had only been there in a dream if she hadn't felt the trace of them pressed upon her still.

She never really liked to admit that she might be wrong, but now, it was becoming increasingly clear that she may have to concede defeat on this matter.


	6. Chapter 6

Saturday morning arrived quickly yet also seemed as if it had taken years to come. Seconds after her alarm had woken her from a comfy, deep slumber, the phone sounded again, jumping from her bedside table. Anna swiped the sleep from her eyes, squinting a little from the sudden, intrusive light of the screen. She ran a hand through her mussed hair while she opened the message. Reading it, she was filled with a warm thrill of excitement combined with a funny ache of anticipation. She felt her nose wrinkle in puzzlement and the cogs in her mind kick into action at once as her eyes raked over the few, slightly cryptic words over and over.

He wasn't giving anything away, aside from the time he wanted them to meet and a command to dress casually. Her fingers hovered over the enter button momentarily, poised to send him the reply she'd composed, playfully pleading for more information.  _A girl has to know a little more if she wants to be fully prepared._ _Like – is this a date…?_

Hastily, she pressed down, deleting the text she'd written, and with a bounce, heaved herself out of bed. In a second, she'd flung open the tiny wardrobe at the foot, searching through the too few items of clothing she currently had in her possession for something suitable. Well, not just  _suitable_ , the entirely giddy voice in the back of her mind chattered.

As she pulled out a couple of choices, the phone buzzed once more, making her start a little as she gazed at the items deep in thought. Walking over to pick it up, her heart plummeted to below the ground.  _What if he's had second thoughts? I wouldn't blame him, I should have text sooner to cancel…_

Her whole body calmed like a boat that had overcome the crest of a crashing wave and had now sailed into tranquil waters when she read the latest message. A smile shot up onto her face and her laugh echoed loudly in the silent room at the exasperation he'd expressed at forgetting to send her directions. Tearing her eyes away, she placed it lightly on the covers of the bed and looked back at the tops that were spread out there too, a finger curling around a strand of her hair.

_This is crazy, Anna. You do know that?_ The other, more rational voice droned from the opposite corner.  _You'd never do something like this, not in a million years. Just stop and think about it for a minute._

So she did. And she could come up with absolutely no argument against it, her head overwhelmed with all the cases for. Maybe it  _was_  crazy, not having a clue how she was going to spend the day with a man she was only really beginning to get to know. But, perhaps, it was just the thing she needed. And she certainly couldn't wait to discover what was in store.

* * *

Anna stamped her feet on the grass, burying her chin further into her jacket and shivering slightly. It was grey, and a mist that was unusual for a morning in April was gradually ascending, melting away on the air. She stuffed her balled hands tight in her pockets, almost unable to feel the tips of her fingers. Her nose must have been glowing bright red. She felt her feet slipping just a little beneath her, her hands exposed to the chill too soon again as they flew out involuntarily, helping her keep her balance. Glancing down, she wished she would have decided to wear some other footwear. Her red Converse were now a shade of deep brown, caked from the toes in mud.

Sighing a little to herself, she cast her gaze upwards and across the fields. Dotted around there were groups of all ages, from over-confident university-age lads perfecting their corner kicks and fancy tricks, to boys barely old enough to have been in primary school, wearing shirts that swamped them, hurling bags of balls nearly as big as they were in size behind their backs. There were a couple of girls also, perhaps about twelve or thirteen, over to her far right, passing a ball expertly back and forth to one another, trying to catch the other out with a swift flick of the inside curve of their feet.

That's where she had gone wrong, she knew, the few times she had attempted to play football with her brother and his friends growing up. The rare occasions that the ball drifted into her direction, she'd always kick with the front of her foot, ending up not only thoroughly embarrassing herself with a poor excuse for a shot but getting very sore toes, too. Her dad would stop what he was doing, pottering about in the kitchen, and crouch down next to her, sitting slumped and sulking on the garden step, filling her head with consolations and important tactics.  _Just remember for next time, Anna Banana. Keep your eye on the ball, and the opposition. Don't get too excited. And don't use your toes if you want it to go far._ She'd roll her eyes up towards him, completely fed up, but he'd simply smile. Then he'd give her a pat on the back, and a kiss on the head, and she'd feel a whole lot better. The buried memory brought a small smile to her lips as it surged back.

It's fair to say that watching football wouldn't have been her first choice, not at any time of day, but especially not of a rather chilly morning. Yet standing here on the edge of the field, her breath dancing upon the air as it left her in bursts, she was reminded of happy times from her childhood. She recalled the Saturdays that her dad used to round them up, both her older and younger brothers, her sister and her, and take them along to the match, in the days when Leeds were actually half-decent. It wasn't really that long, just a couple of years, until her and her sister lost interest and stopped going. The trace of disappointment lingered in her dad's eyes, even with his best attempts to hide it, with the sudden indifference of his girls.

Anna felt a sharp pang flutter in her chest, picturing vividly the same look in her mind's eye. Her brothers went on to many more matches along with the rugby and cricket, and her dad was thrilled to bits that he had someone to share it all with. That was the last time she had actually been to a match, as a child holding her dad's hand in the terraces. Otherwise it had just been on TV, seeming to play on a permanent loop in the background of her life, or occasionally on a screen in the pub, when Jez could be bothered to venture out.

She noticed that men had begun to gather in small groups of two or three not that far in front of her, a couple breaking away from either side to put up goalposts and separate the little patch of land off from the rest of the wide field. Despite the cold, all unzipped and cast off their jackets, revealing themselves to be clad in either bottle green or blue and black striped kits. Anna watched as they chatted and laughed and jostled, taking it in turns to crouch to the ground, stretching and flexing their limbs. She caught the eye of one as he jumped back up rather extravagantly, nearly losing his footing, and a tiny giggle escaped her before she fixed her gaze back to the ground, shrugging her shoulders.

It was more than a little awkward; she was the only one standing by this particular bit of the sidelines, and she didn't look up in case she found a group of parents staring at her, wondering what on earth anyone was doing turning up to watch this band of wannabe football players who were, all things considered, past their prime. But then the thought that she was the lone cheerleader amused and actually heartened her considerably, she herself thinking she was way past the age to play such a role and certainly not dressed in the right attire, in a jumper and jeans rather than a frilly little skirt. Still, she supposed that's what she was today, for one player at least. Stopping herself from bursting out laughing by pursing her lips together, she straightened up confidently, tossing her head back proudly, so much so that her ponytail very nearly gave her whiplash.

And there he was, out of nowhere, right in front of her again.

Her eyes scaled him. It always seemed to take forever; having him there before her emphasised the considerable difference in their heights, especially now that she was in flats. Yet she liked taking her time, appreciated the distance and sheer expanse of him. He was in green.  _Of course._  She hadn't seen him in the colour before, but it was definitely one that suited him perfectly, even in a silky football strip. His shoulders seemed so much wider, and she found that she was rather disappointed that his arms were completely covered. But she couldn't complain for very long at all, not when her gaze travelled lower and she took in the sight of his bare legs in shorts. They were a touch longer than those the others were wearing but there was still enough on show for her to be satisfied, especially as his legs were much longer than anyone else's there. Much longer indeed.

"Enjoying it in your own little world?"

Anna shivered pleasantly at the sound of his voice. There was no way that he hadn't noticed her staring so lasciviously, she never was the most subtle. She let out a little laugh as she met his face once more.

"Oh yeah, the temperature is much more tropical there," she retorted, and he chortled in response. Watching him, everything about her softened instantly. A warm smile spread across her face, and her blue eyes glowed with a certain intensity against the dull day. "It's a good look on you." The words rolled sincerely and effortlessly from her tongue as she stopped squirming around, giving up the losing battle she was fighting against the cold. "Most men couldn't carry green shorts off, but you do it well."

"Most men of  _my age_ , you mean," he shot back instantly, quirking up his eyebrows teasingly.

Even though she knew he was playing, Anna was quick to defend.

"Come off it, that's got nothing whatsoever to do with anything at all."

He smiled at her, appreciation flooding his features. "Well, I know I'm no David Beckham, but I'm glad you think I look alright."

_More than alright_ , she thought to herself. Anna waved a hand in front of her.

"Who needs Beckham?" she shrugged. "I was never that impressed."

"The only woman on this earth, then. Person, come to think of it."

"I could very well be."

She attempted to look very matter-of-fact, but had to grin when she saw the disbelieving look on his face. Honestly, if David Beckham happened at that moment to sidle up to her, she doubted she would have even given him a second glance.

"Well, you are a surprise, John Bates," she said, coolly. "You had me completely fooled. A football player masquerading as a publisher, I never would have thought."

"It's hardly up to Clark Kent's standards," he replied modestly. "And it's a good job I don't have to wear lycra."

Anna shook her head, not even daring to come back with a response. She regarded him as he turned briefly to look out over the field, watching his shoulder blades ripple underneath the silk of his shirt. When he looked back at her, he was smiling softly.

"I'm looking forward to watching you. You'll be man of the match, I'm calling it now."

He laughed, the smile still plastered upon his lips as he did so. "I'll be lucky if I can manage to kick the ball in a straight line. Really, the rest put me to shame. But God loves a trier."

Whatever he said, she knew that she would only be keeping her eyes firmly fixed on him. That's precisely what she was doing at this very moment. She was so engrossed and enthralled by him, she hardly noticed that her shoulders and arms were shuddering with a growing intensity. It was just as well that John did.

"Hey," his voice was a soft, concerned whisper as he leaned closer towards her, "you're shaking like a leaf."

For some reason, she looked down at her arms, held out just a little from her body in front of her, as if only at that minute realising they were there.

"Oh, god. I thought I was prepared, with all these layers."

"Come here."

All of a sudden, his arms were circling the space around her, and all she was able to feel was searing heat. His fingertips were soft against her arms, the sensation reverberating upon her skin like rain clattering on tin even through the layers of clothing, as he tenderly wrapped the heavy jacket he had been cradling in his grasp around her shoulders. She shuddered a little as he settled and smoothed the garment upon the blades of her shoulders, and almost started completely, having to pull the coat against her to prevent it from falling away when he flicked up the collar and brushed the pads of his fingers against the bare skin at the back of her neck. Just after he did so, his eyes locked with hers. Anna was certain that the world had stopped revolving.

Too soon, making her wonder if they'd even been on her at all, his fingers left. She heard him exhale sharply. When she looked up again, he'd regained composure.

"Better?"

She half-smiled. "Much."

Taking a tiny step back, she giggled nervously, encouraged by his own laughter. They were close to losing themselves in each other's little worlds again, before another voice cracked the blissful silence.

"There he is, all kitted out!"

Anna looked to the side to see Robert jogging across the grass, looking rosy-cheeked. Smiling towards him, she glanced back to John, and could have sworn that he was rolling his eyes just a little.

"Sorry I'm late, mate," Robert puffed as he arrived at Anna's side, his hands planted upon his sides. "My daughters seem to think I'm their own personal taxi service."

"It's alright, mate."

"Anna," Robert smiled at her. "How are you? Get home safely the other night?"

"I did, thanks to your friend here." She smirked up at John, who threw a wink back at her. "And I'm very well, thank you for asking."

"Good stuff. Well, we're certainly in for some amusement, anyway."

"Cheers for the pep-talk," John said dryly, before the shrill call of a whistle sounded and three pairs of eyes turned towards a rather stern, self-important looking figure dressed head-to-toe in black.

"Bloody hell, he takes himself seriously." Robert muttered to Anna, nodding his head to the amateur referee who John was now jogging towards, his opposite number from the other team ready and waiting with the ball under his feet. "Alright, John," Robert yelled, his hands cupping the sides of his mouth. "Show them what you're made of. And try to last more than ten minutes before getting sent off this time."

John simply shook his head at his friend on the sidelines, then his eyes drifted over to Anna. He gave her a small, certain smile that set her heart racing a little faster before he turned to shake the hand of his opponent. The whistle called again twice, and the game was underway.

Anna braced her arms against her, arching up onto her tiptoes and feeling a rush of energy flow through her veins, keen to follow each and every movement he made as ardently as any avid football fan would.

* * *

She had quite surprised herself by the enthusiasm that had swept her along the morning. By the end of the match, her throat was hoarse from yelling and screaming and the soles of her feet were aching from not being firmly planted on the ground but elevated instead, as she had bounced around like a jack-in-the-box for most of the time. Every time John had possession of the ball, and even when he didn't, she would go wild, cheering and chanting his name, throwing her arms up into the air. Robert accompanied her whoops with his own encouragement, clapping his hands, shouting and pointing out passes which remained oblivious to John, but he couldn't sustain his zeal on a par with Anna.

She noticed a couple from the other team flashing glares in her direction when they stumbled and had the ball stolen from them, thoroughly distracted by her efforts. She went absolutely crazy when he planted a kick firmly in the net, and almost completely lost any remaining composure she was still clinging onto when in the dying minutes of the game, one of the opposition writhed on the ground and the referee presented John with an entirely unjustified yellow card. Her shouts reached a pitch she didn't know she was capable of achieving, and as her hands flew out, some very colourful words spilled from her mouth. It was only when she flung her body round and saw Robert's wide eyes and startled expression that she caught herself, her face turning red.

Afterwards, with the result being a draw, both teams, with Robert and Anna in tow, headed to a nearby pub for some post-match refreshment. She'd walked past the pub in question a few times before but had never been in; it was on the small side, cosy, traditional. It looked as though it belonged on the outskirts of a village rather than in the middle of bustling London town, and being inside was like being transported to some haven where surroundings and time did not matter; all that mattered was the company that was kept.

They'd barely settled for long before a teammate of John's took to the small portion of floor that acted as a stage and led them all in a chant of a song, which was required to be punctuated at various points by some vigorous movements of particular parts of the body. Starting off slow, the chant gradually speeded up and the actions became increasingly raucous, until she struggled to keep up and instead flailed out her limbs entirely randomly. Near out of breath, she tossed her head to the side to see that John wasn't faring much better, just as uncoordinated as she was even though he clearly had previous experience of this particular game. Before the frantic end of the song, they'd collapsed in fits of wheezing laughter, Anna tripping over her feet and crashing into John's side, which only caused him to roar louder.

A couple of more sedate games followed and the hours had easily passed with the three of them sitting around a table tucked into one of the pub's corners. Robert arrived back from the bar, balancing the drinks in his hands as he heaved himself into his seat once more. He placed Anna's drink in front of her, and she smiled wide as they all raised their glasses, clinking them together in a toast for no real reason.

Having sampled his pint, Robert leaned back and piped up.

"Have you told Anna all about your near-miss at sporting glory, then?" he angled at John, before turning aside to Anna. "Any opportunity he gets, he'll talk your ear off about it."

John remained as modest as ever, as Anna's face lit up in expectation.

"I wouldn't go that far, it's nothing as big as that. Rob does like to exaggerate just a little on my behalf, which is quite worrying really." He pinched the air with his fingers while Robert chortled. "Like most boys growing up, I was well into football. I played for a few counties in Ireland as a lad, worked my way up the leagues, didn't too badly. Kept on playing for some amateur teams and as part of the academy in university when I came here."

Robert interrupted, staring up to the ceiling. "And then, he was plucked from obscurity…"

John laughed, shaking his head. "Well, I was spotted on campus one day, while we were playing a tournament match. I didn't even have a clue there was a scout there, but he was from West Ham. I had a lucky game, a couple of fluke goals, and at the end got approached to try out at some trials. I knew my mother wouldn't be keen on me jacking everything in for a pipe dream, but I thought I'd at least give it a shot. I was a young man, I had nothing to lose."

"That's amazing," Anna exclaimed brightly, taking a sip of her drink. "What happened?"

"This," John patted his right knee, now covered by his jeans but which she had noticed while he had been playing had been strapped up. "Second day of the trials, I was tackled horrendously and broke my leg very badly. Could hardly walk for a month or so. It put paid to any serious chance I had, there was no way I'd be able to play properly with it the way it was." The palm of his hand rubbed over his kneecap. "It still acts up now. But I can get by, play for fun, even manage a goal once in a blue moon."

"Oh, that's such a shame." She tilted her head to the side examining his covered leg, wincing even at the thought.

John shrugged. "I doubt I would have ended up playing for the Premier League or anything. But I suppose you never know what might have been."

He stared down at the table-top thoughtfully for a few moments, Anna catching his intent gaze carefully, before he smacked his hands together and lifted his head, grinning towards Robert.

"Talking of career changes, how's the restaurant coming along?"

Robert slumped, covering his forehead with one of his hands. "Right now, I'm choosing to live in ignorant bliss. Or at least trying desperately to."

John chuckled, shifting his body in his seat a little towards Anna.

"He's opening his first restaurant in three weeks, hasn't got a thing organised."

"Now, that's not strictly true," Robert interjected. "I have got the taps and tiles sorted." He ran his hand up his glass, wearing a sheepish expression and trying to avoid John's accusing glare. "Alright, that was because Cora chose them." He coughed nervously as a burst of John's laughter punctured the air. "It's just a bloody pain in the arse, I had no idea there'd be so much to do. I don't know how other people cope."

Anna nodded in Robert's direction, feeling heartily sorry for the stress that was written all over his face. "It is a tough industry. I remember at my old company, we had wars trying to get Heston Blumenthal's last place open in time."

Robert's eyes bulged from his sockets. He swallowed the drink in his mouth with a fierce gulp and then spluttered, struggling to catch his breath.

"You okay, mate?" Swiftly, John banged a hand against his friend's back, aiming to help.

"Yeah, yeah…" Robert took another, slower sip and coughed a few more times before he was able to speak with some kind of measure. His still wide eyes were fixed upon Anna. "You did Heston?"

"Mmm," Anna affirmed.

"He's my hero," Robert gushed, his voice thick with excitement. "You did his launch? Wow. That was a classy do, or so I heard. People went on about it for months."

Anna shrank a little. "Well, it was a joint effort. I didn't do everything."

"I bet you did more than most," John cut in, his eyes warm and smiling towards her. Her cheeks started to flare and her lips curled themselves upwards as her gaze stayed upon him.

"Do you think you could come down and take a look?" Robert was chattering away at her. "I mean, you know, it'd be great if you could."

She pursed her lips, not wanting to commit to anything she might not be able to see through, and feeling quite rusty having not done anything event-related for a couple of months.

"Three weeks is cutting it a bit fine," she said, tentatively. "I can't promise anything spectacular."

Robert shook his head vigorously. "I wouldn't expect it. It's not on the same scale as Heston." Once again, his eyes clouded over in a haze, and Anna nearly burst out giggling. She gave a nod of her head.

"Okay then, I don't see why not. Would Monday morning be okay?"

"Yeah, brilliant!" Robert exclaimed, nearly springing from his seat over the table towards her. "Oh, that's fantastic, Anna, I'd be eternally grateful. Heston Blumenthal! Wow."

Anna and John shared an amused look at one another while Robert was off in another daydream. After a few minutes, he shook himself, getting up a little unsteadily as his phone trilled in his pocket.

"Oh, Rob," John shouted as his friend made his way out of the door to answer the call, "Can I check the menu first? Not sure I fancy octopus pie with crème brulee or anything weird like that."

They both giggled as Robert made an uncouth gesture at John from through the window.

"Well, look at you, Miss Smith," he intoned with a rasp in his voice. "Got yourself a job."

Anna smiled in satisfaction, and more than a little disbelief. "Not bad for an afternoon out," she chimed, leaning her head back and her hands over the table. "It's been great, John. Really. Thank you. It's lovely here too."

His eyebrows quirked up. "You don't think this is it, do you? I did promise you the day."

Before the look of wonder could fade from her face, he pulled her up by the hand.

"Come on." His dark eyes twinkled. "I've got plans for us."

* * *

They spent the remainder of the afternoon first going for a walk through Ravenscourt Park, as the weather had cheered up considerably. Their stroll had worked up an appetite, and coming a little way out of the park they landed very conveniently by a spacious fish and chip restaurant, which was quite upmarket for such an establishment. The grin that covered John's features as he held the door open for her told Anna that going there was all part of his grand plan.

Staying long enough to enjoy a mini-feast, they tore themselves away and headed for the Tube station as the sun started to sink in the sky. It was dark by the time they had reached the Embankment, and slowly, not caring about where the time was flying to, they walked side by side across the great bridge, feeling the Thames flowing beneath the sturdy, enduring structure.

Casting her eyes out across the water, Anna saw the lights from the bridge bouncing off the black waves, the reflections setting tiny sparkles cresting and gliding, illuminating the night. She sighed contentedly. London by the water was always so beautiful as the day was drawing to a close, everything lit up and glowing, staving off the darkness long into the evening. Yet tonight, it seemed even more captivating to her senses. She felt as though the Thames itself was coursing through her body, all at once calm and crashing, making her feel alive like never before.

As they made their way down to the riverside, she chanced a glance at John, who was smiling roguishly at her. She hardly got the chance to smile back before he was trotting ahead of her, going further to the edge of the water. Anna stood where she was, at a safe distance away, utterly and thoroughly confused.

"John, I don't know if you should be doing that."

She pulled her hair loose from the ponytail, looking around cautiously and holding her hands out as if she could somehow stop him from climbing into one of the tiny boats that bobbed on the water's edge. It was to no avail – he was already standing in it, looking like a giant in the thing, balancing a little precariously.

"It's alright," his smooth voice assured her. "I booked it this morning." He beamed wider at her, his smile another light against the dark water. "Because you're a water baby, and all."

Anna was grinning so much that it was a wonder her face didn't ache. A hand flew up to her mouth, muffling her astonished giggles.

"Oh my god," she managed to stutter eventually. "I don't believe this."

John couldn't help but laugh at her amazement, stunned that he'd produced such a reaction in her.

"Don't tell me you've never been on the River before?"

She shook her head, the smile still plastered to her lips. "No, never. Not here. I've wanted to, loads of times. But Jeremy isn't great with water so we never…" Her gaze dropped to her feet, the perfection of the moment temporarily shattered. She cursed herself inwardly for spoiling things. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to mention…"

Looking back up cautiously, she saw that he wasn't the least bit put out, his expression barely ruffled.

"You don't need to apologise." Even though his demeanour spoke volumes, he spoke regardless. Anna's whole body eased, and the delighted grin made a welcome reappearance. "It's all yours for just over half an hour, give or take a few minutes." He stepped forward in the boat, setting it rocking slightly, stretching his hand into the air towards her.

She took baby steps forward, her teeth gritting uncertainly at the capability of the tiny vessel and the little drop of distance she'd have to go to reach it. Inching at the pace of a snail outwards, she let out a snort of laughter at the frankly ridiculous way she was moving. Her hand hovered, grasping briefly at air before her fingers found his. A shot of static rifled through her as he laced their hands tighter together, and the shock sent her body jolting forward, sooner than she was fully prepared for.

Her feet stumbled and nearly flew from underneath her, and she took a sharp intake of breath to steel her before she hit the deck. Instead, both of his hands clasped onto her forearms, quick as a flash, catching her. Their feet, inches apart, wobbled in the little boat, but they were both still upright. Anna glanced from beneath the hair that had fallen forward over her face to catch sight of his ever reassuring eyes.

"It's alright. I've got you."

She thought she saw the words leave his lips a moment before he uttered them, and they stayed echoing loudly in her head and whispered into her heart.

He relinquished the grip of one of his hands upon her, and brought the other back to link in hers, less tightly this time, but the effect on Anna was in no way lessened. She smiled graciously at him as he gently lowered them both to sit down in the boat. Once they were both settled, he unfurled his fingers from hers and gripped both hands around the wooden paddles resting in the water at the side of the boat. He steered them out a little way, not far at all from the edge of the embankment, the movements of his arms fluid, steady and hardly making any effort.

Anna smiled, pulling the zip higher on her jacket.

"You've got quite the skill, Mr Bates." Her voice smiled as she said his name. "First football, now rowing. Is there no end to your prowess?" There was a mischievous note in her tone when she finished her statement, also reflected in the way in which she was looking at him from across the small boat.

He raised his eyebrows and smirked back at her, measure for measure.

"I've dabbled in my time. Not a great deal, but I reckon I could give the Oxford and Cambridge boys a run for their money."

The boat came to an almost still on the water, rippling gently beneath them as John put the paddles down. At a sudden loss, he planted his hands firmly upon his thighs and smiled at Anna, who mirrored the action effortlessly. She let out another serene sigh, tearing her eyes away from his for a few moments to glance round to the illuminated bridge at their backs.

"It's absolutely gorgeous, isn't it?" She inhaled the fresh, night air slowly, and exhaled in wonder, struck by the glimmer of the lights as well as the parade of stars that spanned the clear dark sky. "I don't think I've ever seen anything more beautiful."

She didn't notice the twinkle set deep in his irises, nor the little spark of a smile on his face as she stayed watching the scene awhile.

"It is quite a sight."

Bracing her heels against the wooden slats of the boat, she shifted herself back to face him.

"You're very thoughtful, John," she said, her voice full of sincerity. "You give out an incredible amount. With today, and everything."

The look on his face was almost bashful as he glanced down to seem to study the knots etched into the wood against the emanating bridge light. Anna noticed the slightest flush upon the skin at the hollow of his throat, and glowed inwardly. Gradually, he gazed back up to meet her eyes again, flooding with honesty.

"Oh, you're the same." He returned her compliment right back to her; it seemed to be the only way he was entirely comfortable receiving them. He chortled once, then his voice became lighter. "I saw you jumping up and down like a mad thing today. It spurred me on." His expression was animated, as much as hers had been previously in the day, and it made her grin. "In fact, I'm sure I wouldn't have scored that goal if it hadn't been for you, screeching like a banshee."

She giggled, shaking her head dismissively.

"I'm serious." His voice became even more emphatic and then dropped a few octaves, lowering to that tone that sent shivers running up and down her spine. "You're very special, Anna, and everyone around you knows it. And if they don't, then they're a fool who doesn't know what they're missing."

The deeper his eyes bore into her, the keener she felt the heat prickling upon every inch of her skin.

"Anyone else would fall to pieces with all that you've had to deal with recently." She could feel him getting closer to her, his words still low yet louder in her ears. "But you soldier on, don't let it faze you. You're incredible, really."

She gazed up to see that he had moved a little forward towards where she was, though there was still some distance between them.

"I've never met anyone like you…"

His torso and head inched nearer and nearer as he leaned into her, his warm breath filling the space between their bodies. She could taste his lips upon hers even as she drew herself back sharply, involuntarily. The stinging hurt look in his eyes couldn't be hidden, even amongst the night, and she felt terrible instantly. He had jumped back almost to the furthest end of the little boat.

"Oh god, John."

The horror washed over his face. "I'm sorry, really, Anna, I…"

She hurried to quell his fears.

"No, I'm sorry. It's just…you know, with everything, and…oh, god!"

She let out an exasperated screech, flailing her hands and throwing her gaze up to the dusky sky. When it returned to earth, she saw him looking at her so comfortingly that she near enough melted. She scrunched one hand into the crown of her hair, while settling the other on the side of the boat, sighing heavily.

"I get that this is an ideal kissing moment," she uttered softly, raising her eyes upwards again momentarily. "Everything's perfect. Night, boat, water lapping, lights, stars…"

_And you._

She looked him in the eye as the thought didn't leave her mind, her breath catching slightly when she found him looking back intently, silent as he waited for her to finish everything she had to say.

"And I'm not feeling that it wouldn't be nice, because I'm sure it would be." Her face coloured, her hands fiddling in her lap. "You know, if it was any other time…I like you, John. Much more than I'm sure I should right now."

She was relieved to find him smiling, a smile that conveyed both deep understanding and an ardent reciprocation of her confession on his part.

"Honestly, I'm utterly hopeless when it comes to this." Her hair flowed upon her shoulders as she tossed her head back, rasping out a short laugh. "It's probably why I've only ever had two proper boyfriends."

"Get out," John tutted, shaking his head. "I don't believe you."

Anna chuckled, not really sure why she was doing so. "It's true. I had a few kisses with a couple of boys in high school, but it didn't mean anything. I had my first boyfriend when I was fifteen, and we were together until I came here for university. Then, I met Jeremy and that happened…and here I am." She tossed her hands out either side of her, shrugging her shoulders. "Nearly thirty, and absolutely disastrous at flirting, or seeing any of the signs."

"I don't know about that." He rumbled, and a million wings fluttered against the walls of her stomach. The tips of his fingers played against his chin as he tilted his head to the side. "There's no way your track record could be as bad as mine."

Her brow furrowed and then lifted, the look on her face telling him she was eager to know more.

"First proper crush, I must have been about ten or so, last year of junior school. Aileen, her name was. I was mad about her. Spent my entire time doing everything to impress her, including playing football. But she was having none of it. Her heart belonged to someone else."

Anna felt herself frowning deeply. "Who was that?"

He sighed, ruffling his hands through his hair. "Only the bloody Bay City Rollers!" he exclaimed loudly. "And don't make it worse by saying you don't know who they are."

"I think my auntie might have liked them," Anna giggled uncontrollably.

His mouth quirked upwards in mock-exasperation before letting out a chuckle. "All my mates were getting left for David Bowie, Marc Bolan…at least they had some credibility." He laughed a little longer, his breath dancing on the air. "That was the beginning of a long road. Every girl I ever liked never liked me back. They'd always want one of my mates, or my brothers…one girl even left me for my brother."

Anna gasped. "No."

"Honestly. We'd only been going out about three weeks. I had my suspicions, and to be honest, I was fine with her fancying my older brother." He paused for effect. "Until I went out to fetch something for my mam, and found my younger brother with his tongue down the girl's throat."

She had to stifle her laughter when she found him looking apparently sombre. "Oh, no."

John nodded resolutely. "I can't lie, it dented my ego. I refused to speak to him for, oh, all of two days."

Seeing the smile bloom soft and sure on his face again set the fire surging through her insides. He only broke it when he parted his lips to speak once more.

"So if we're talking about total romantic disasters, I'm afraid I can't be beaten."

For as much as he was joking, there was a trace of sorrow that could be discerned from the way he sat hunched up and also from deep within his eyes. He lifted his head marginally to look at her from under his brows, and he appeared more striking to her than ever, so honest and vulnerable, and utterly lovable.

Her voice lowered to a whisper as she leaned across the little boat unconsciously.

"I think you're better than you think."

Though time seemed to slow infinitely in those painfully sweet seconds, it still came as a sudden surprise to both of them as her lips crashed upon his, frantic with a rush of urgent desire at first but then growing slower, deeper, as natural as the ebb of the water flowing underneath them. Anna felt the boat rocking and shuddering at her side as her hand clung to the nape of his neck, the tips of her fingers snaking under the collar of his jacket while her mouth continued to work against his, the breath that was sucked clean from her body not missed or noticed as she was completely overwhelmed by the sensations that had been released in a desperate surge, having built up within her for weeks.

Eventually, she pulled herself back slowly, her eyes flickering open what seemed like minutes afterwards. They fell instantly upon his own, which were wonderfully bemused and delighted. Her fingertips hovered over her lips, almost as if she didn't believe what had just been.

"So…I kissed you." Her mouth remembered its other purpose, forming the words listlessly on her tongue.

"Hmm, I noticed that too." There was an unmistakeable ring of joy in his slightly dazed voice. "You weren't going to do that."

Anna licked her lips, feeling a renewed thrill spiral through her. "Umm, would you mind putting that down to a momentary lapse of concentration?"

John sniggered lightly. "Is that what it was?"

"No." She answered without hesitation, then faltered. "Yes? Oh…"

She tossed her hands up, covering them over her face, feeling suddenly shy. She made a helpless, inaudible whimper beneath them. Through her fingers, she peeked out to see his eyes still yielding to her and his mouth crumpled into a lazy smile, before he straightened himself up. He emitted a tiny sigh before he spoke again.

"I don't want to be a confusion in your life, Anna. I don't, truly." His voice was so measured and smooth; if she closed her eyes, it would bathe her completely. "God knows you don't need it. It's just that…"

Now it was his turn to falter. She noticed his large fingers fumbling, the knuckles flexing. Suddenly, he looked up at her, his eyes deep and searching. For some moments, she lost the ability to think, breathe, do anything other than stare into their dark pools.

He gathered enough composure to go on. "Something's happened to me since I've met you that I wasn't expecting." His words were so honest, that she could feel every single sentiment, and when he stopped to smile at her, her heart leapt. "And, I don't really…well…I wasn't expecting…"

He scrunched up his forehead, brought a hand to his face.

"Repetition of expecting. I must buy a thesaurus." He smiled to see her raising her shoulders and laughing melodiously. "Anyway, I suppose what I'm trying to say is…"

Before he could say anything more, she had jumped forward, covering his mouth with hers again. This kiss was more relaxed but contained no less ardour, their lips moulding to one another as by strokes and seconds they both sunk further, lost completely, swimming against the tide. Strands of her hair fell forward against her cheek and the tip of her nose, trying to put her off her stride, but before she could sweep them away, his fingers landed upon her face, strong and still somehow as light as a feather, ghosting over her skin and pulling her closer.

Their breaths stayed swirling, breathless as they broke apart. His thumb was still rubbing gentle circles over her cheek as his eyes half-lidded at her, observing the rosy glaze hazed on her fair skin.

"And what was that in aid of?" He rasped gruffly, his words warm over her face as he was still at such close proximity. "Putting me out of my misery?"

She wrinkled up her nose in delight, giggling as he caressed the curve of her jaw.

"Partly," she intoned, feeling happily light-headed. A wisp of a breeze was welcome, cooling the heat of her face and limbs. "But also because you needed to know." Her voice trailed off a little as she smoothed the tips of her fingers down his jacket. "Whoever they were and how many, they couldn't have kissed you before they turned you down."

She jutted her head forward, leaving a couple of light kisses upon him before he tugged upon her bottom lip and a whimper came from the back of her throat. She was smiling wide when she pulled back again, seeing the bliss on his face.

"I know what you mean, about feeling something happen," she breathed. "I've felt it too."

His eyes lingered, tracing the curve of her lips entranced, before they travelled up to meet her blue irises once more. The pout of his lips softened, and his hand dropped, curling around hers on her lap.

"Anna…"

"Shh," She placed a finger delicately, playfully over his mouth. "Let's not fuss or try to explain. For now, let's just let it be."

And so, with another kiss that had been waiting too long to arrive, the perfect surprise of a day ended perfectly.


	7. Chapter 7

Plastic folders cascaded across the less than spacious sitting room floor, pointing out in all directions. From their mouths, they spilled out reams and reams of paper, adding to the stacks that had accumulated. Balanced on top were open, upturned magazines, catalogues, photographs and, somewhere beneath it all, a battered address book was buried deep, crying for help.

In the centre of the carefully organised chaos, Anna sat curled and cross-legged. She was only vaguely aware of the warm numbness that had started in her little toe and was now spreading up to her calf, and she shifted herself barely a centimetre in attempt to stave the sensation, sheets rustling underneath the slightest touch of her fingertips. Staring down intently at a glossy page, picking up an invoice in her other hand, she didn't have the capacity to notice the shadow of Gwen's figure falling over the covered floor.

"Need anything? Tea, something to eat…another rainforest?"

She took some seconds to mumble her reply, not looking up towards her friend, her brow knitted in concentration.

"Mmm, no, thanks."

"Well, I'm going out, so if you do think of something, just give me a call."

Anna sighed a monosyllabic response, which Gwen took as an affirmative as she shook her head softly. It seemed to have been like this for days, her sitting room entirely invaded, looking like she was living in some kind of modern art installation. She'd almost forgotten what colour the carpet was underneath it all. Still, it meant that she didn't have to hoover up, which could only be a good thing. If there was one thing in the world that bored Gwen to tears, it was the bloody housework. Anna was always so much better at all of that, meticulous to a fault. But for now, at least, she was rather unfortunately otherwise occupied. Gwen groaned inwardly; she supposed she would have to take care of the rising mound of dishes sitting in the sink before they started to grow another lifeform.

Gwen braced her hands either side of her, hopping into the small squares of space that were clear, taking exaggerated leaps as if she were landing on crumbling stones paving a treacherous path to grasp her bag from the other side of the room. At the window, she craned her face further to the glass and smirked.

"Anna, oh my god, look," she shrieked. "George Clooney is absolutely stark naked outside, with a rose between his teeth."

"Hmmm."

Gwen shrugged, a burst of laughter making her shoulders shake as she made her way back through the maze. If she'd said another name, Anna would have been up like a shot, eyes wide enough to burst out of her head.

Anna glanced up a little abruptly, and Gwen nearly stumbled as she pulled on her sneakers.

"I'm sorry, Gwen. I'm miles away." She smiled at her friend, the glazed look fading from her features. Kicking her foot out lightly to stop her toes from curving over, she sent a few pieces of paper flying. "I'm fine, thanks. I've had far too much coffee than is healthy in the last couple of days, so that should keep me going for a little while yet."

Gwen smiled back, tilting her head while she braced a hand against the door.

"I could get you something for a come-down? I'm good with bracing the back streets of London," she sniggered.

Anna gaped in mock-horror before letting out a short laugh. "No, no. I'm on a roll, I should take advantage of it."

"If you say so," Gwen chirruped, turning to make towards the hall. Before she left, she poked her head back through the doorway, giving Anna a small start. "But you should have some fresh air. I don't want to find you tragically drowned in a sea of paper, passed out from inhaling coffee fumes."

She chuckled, rolling her eyes lightly.

"I promise. See you later."

The door slammed and Anna returned to surveying all that was before her. She gave herself a few seconds to recoup and blank her mind completely before she pressed on with renewed vigour, pulling out her poor, forlorn contact book from the depths. Her fingers rifled deftly through, eyes scaling the rows of names, hoping to hit on something ideal.

For the past week, it was fair to say that her life had been taken over by the restaurant launch. From the moment she had first stepped inside, she had found herself consumed. They hadn't been joking; Robert really was absolutely disorganised. She recalled taking in several breaths as she surveyed the place, weaving in and out of half-constructed scenery and ducking from wires that were hanging from all angles. She had to check with him that he did realise she was a PR executive and not an architect, and he simply smiled and nodded.

Since then, long hours had been spent there, consulting with builders and electricians as to when everything would be in some kind of working order (and she was surprised to find that they worked at a very swift pace indeed, taking far less of the average expected run of tea breaks) and talking over plans with Robert. For someone who was adamant that he didn't have a thing in mind and was happy for her to take the reins completely, he wasn't totally flexible. He seemed fixated on ideas of country-house grandeur, chattering excitedly along the lines of Edwardian decadence, wanting some kind of 'lords and ladies of the manor' theme. Anna had grimaced, certain that it would be at odds with a sleek, modern new restaurant in the middle of the city. In the end, they'd agreed on a compromise and were going ahead with a 1920s theme, elegant but exciting, the era seeming to define perfectly being on the cusp of something new while also being in fashion right now.

With all the structural work finished just last night, Anna was now concerned with making layout and seating arrangements, compiling guest lists and sourcing invitations, as well as arranging some kind of entertainment, of precisely which she wasn't quite sure yet. Jazz singers, perhaps; having Charleston dancers hopping about as food was being served could be very dangerous indeed. Where she was going to find any of these things, she currently didn't have the slightest clue. Drawing a blank with her list of written contacts, she reached for her phone, desperately hoping someone within there could provide the answer. Oh, it was all part of the fun, she supposed.

As she was scrolling, the message alert bleeped and the little unopened envelope icon flashed in the corner of the screen. She made a hastily scribbled note of her place in the address book before she returned to retrieve the text.

_\- Can you make an escape, or are you being held to ransom by unending paperwork? I can get away for a bit, let me know. J_

Anna bit on her lip softly, fingers tapping rapidly to work a reply.

_\- Mr Bates, are you trying to distract me? I'm busy! I have to concentrate, there isn't long to go and I've so much to do. I'll speak to you later tonight._

She felt a little guilty as she sent the message, pen clasped at the corner of her mouth. Chewing the lid slightly, she typed once more.

_\- I might see you tonight, instead…? It'd give me something to look forward to :) Talk soon x_

She grinned even to see the singular kiss placed at the end of the text as it disappeared from view, sent his way. It had taken her some moments to decide whether or not to include it, especially as he hadn't used the sign as of yet in response to her, but it ended up being an impulse, guided by her faster-beating heart rather than her head. Still smiling, she rested the phone against her chest, the rapid vibration thudding inside her ribcage.

As she was so wrapped up with the sudden whirlwind of activity she'd been set into, they had only seen each other once since their day together, and that hadn't been for too long at all. Most nights, they talked on the phone for a little bit; it was always around the same time, just after she'd had dinner. She'd be a little uncomfortably full, and exhausted, but the sound of his voice on the other end of the line, like freshly spun silk, instantly lulled her and roused all of her senses, and she'd feel a little foolish as she sunk her feet against the cushions, giggling at some offhand remark he'd make. Over a week now, since they'd been on the river in the iridescent dark. Since they kissed, more than once. Thinking of his lips pressed firm against hers made her feel dizzy still, the memory of the gentle sweep of his fingers across her skin sending her whole body swimming deliriously and delightfully.

She wondered if she'd been too forward, taken him by surprise by pushing on so boldly. In all of her life, she had never made the first move when it came to that, but she found she was quite unable to resist. It wasn't just the moment, either. If he was standing in front of her now it would take more strength than she possessed to hold herself back from sinking her hands into his hair and kissing him senseless, until all the breath had left his body. The thought made her smirk wickedly.

She had no idea whether he had regretted the actions on his part, but she knew she didn't regret what she had done, not one bit. It had made it clear to her, cast all of her doubt aside and confirmed, after so long trying to pretend or hide, that her heart truly desired him. It was no rebound, no form of misplaced revenge. She didn't know if she could call it  _love_ , not just yet, but the sensations were unlike any other she had come across. All of this, the craziness running riot in her brain, stemming from a couple of kisses; though they were utterly wonderful kisses.

She wasn't a hundred per cent sure what was happening with them. Neither had said anything to confirm that they were an item, both walking around the edges and reluctant to take the leap. The last thing she wanted to do was to put him off by jumping in too soon. But Anna was confident of the fact that something had definitely changed between them. She felt it, coursing through her veins. When she spoke to him, he sounded different to her, and she was certain that he felt it too. Even with everything that was occupying her mind at any moment of the day, she found that she could not stop thinking about him, and honestly, she had no complaints.

Before she could place it back on the floor, some picture catching her eye from amongst the blur of images, the phone bleeped in her hands again.

_\- I don't think I can wait. It's lunchtime – come on, you deserve a break. I won't keep you for long, honest. J_

Anna gazed at her watch, a little shocked to see that it was past 1pm. It didn't take her long to decide what to do. In just a few minutes, she'd emerged from the sea that engulfed her, put on her shoes, and was out of the door.

* * *

The skip of her steps speeded up across the path as she caught sight of him, sitting on one of the benches situated amidst the greenery of the park. His hair was slightly unkempt, a few strands swaying just perceptibly in the gentle spring breeze, and he held a paper package close to his chest, his long fingers sloped around its edges. Her heart began to pound relentlessly, the rhythm disruptive and out of time with her feet that bounded over to him.

The corners of his lips curled, only a fraction of the beaming grin she was directing towards him.

"I managed to tear myself away."

His mouth began to widen, and now his eyes were smiling; there was no surer sign of his joy at seeing her.

"I'm relieved you did. It's not good for you, being cooped up inside. You'll drive yourself mad."

"I don't know, I reckon I've been there and am on my way back round."

She smirked, her eyes drawn briefly to the beautiful pink cherry blossom that made a canopy over their heads. They then found their points of finding and fascination once more, and she was gazing deep, letting herself tumble into his glowing irises. She couldn't find the words to say for a moment, and then he saved her.

"How's it all going?"

She tilted her head to the side, not keen to be shaken so soon out of her reverie.

"Not too badly, I guess. There's just a lot of stuff to get through and to prepare, I must have forgotten just how much needs to be done for any sort of event, but especially for a launch. And I don't even know where to start with some things."

A little groan came from the back of her throat, the growing list of tasks revolving on a carousel in her head. She shook it after a second, pinning a slightly weary smile on her face, resolving to let them go for now.

"But it'll all get done, eventually."

Her eyes were once more drawn to his hands, splayed out across the covered item, whatever it was. She studied the curve and curl of his strong wrist, the fine ridges of his knuckles. She would have flushed with embarrassment to see him regarding her, but he was now holding the package out towards her.

"A little something for you. Just to give you a bit of variety in what you're reading."

With anxious fingers, she unfolded the paper, almost tearing it in her haste to discover what lay inside. She gasped as she ran her hands over the smooth, untouched cover of the book, her eyes focusing on the print embossed on it.

"Oh, John," she breathed, the simple and thoughtful surprise leaving her somewhat awestruck. "This is wonderful. Thank you so much."

Anna turned over the subtle weight in her palm, and looked up to see that his eyes were dancing upon her, still seeming a little anxious as to whether she really did like the item. Her heart warmed deeply at the sight, and she spoke to reassure him that his gesture was absolutely perfect.

"I've wanted to buy the latest Audrey Niffenegger for ages. This is really brilliant. I'll start it straight away."

His gaze softened, and he looked fondly at her.

"It's nothing, really. But I'm glad you like it."

"I really, really do."

She arched up on her tiptoes and leaned across closer to him, angling to place a kiss upon his lips. Just before she could reach them, he swivelled his head to the side and she had to make do with his cheek instead. His stubble grazed against her skin as she remained for a moment, and there was a little patch of pink visible at the side of her mouth as she settled back down onto her soles.

His eyes narrowed themselves at her, and Anna coloured, feeling a touch self-conscious.

"What is it?" she almost whispered, her gaze falling away to the side of him.

"You look tired," he said, the concern clear in his voice.

Anna snorted with a little derision. "Thanks. I know that's just a nicer way of saying 'you look terrible'."

John's face fell and he sucked in a breath. "God no, not at all. You could never look terrible." She smiled softly as they began to stroll into the park. "I just meant, you look as though you haven't had a good night's sleep in a few nights. You're a little bit pale."

Anna sighed, shrugging her shoulders. "I have had a little bit of insomnia the last couple of nights. My mind kind of goes into overdrive when I'm working on something." Her eyes rolled up towards the sky, a little ashamedly. "I suppose the many cups of coffee drunk nearing midnight don't help matters."

His expression clouded as he looked at her, his lips setting into a frown. "It's not worth putting your health at risk for."

"John, I'm fine, honestly," she affirmed. "I promise you I'm not going to collapse on the spot or anything. I'm used to this kind of thing."

She heard him sigh heavily, nearly silently. He was always so concerned about her wellbeing, and she couldn't help but find it endearing. It certainly made a change from what she was used to.

"If you're sure," he relented, reluctantly. "But if you do think it's getting too much, I can always have a word with Rob. Tell him to ease off a bit. I know what he can get like, he says he doesn't expect much. But he can say one thing, and mean another."

Anna threw a hand into her hair. "Really, John, there's no need. I appreciate the thought, you know I do. But you don't have to worry." She watched a sparrow flit across the sky, landing on a little branch of a tall tree to the side of him. "I like being busy with all this again. Yes, it can be stressful at times, but it's what I love doing. I'm making the most of it while I can."

She turned her head to see him smiling warmly towards her, the kind of smile that always set sparks flying against her very bones. He gave a little bob of his head to close the subject and they went on, walking side by side, a familiar motion for them now. The sun strained through the clouds as they talked about silly things, the tiny little fragments that made up their day-to-day lives. Even when the conversation slowed and then eventually stopped, Anna felt perfectly comfortable, content just to stroll with him and to be in his presence. She remembered her grandmother used to say that if you found someone you could be completely silent with and still felt that thousands of words flowed amongst you, then that spoke volumes. The statement resonated through her with each step they took together, and feeling it in the depth of her heart, she beamed up at him, squinting slightly against the increasing light. Her smile began to fade a little when she noticed the troubled look imprinted on his face. Now the tables were turned.

"Is everything okay?" she enquired softly. She had to admit, she had been a little worried and quite disappointed when he'd turned away from her so swiftly just moments before.

He lifted his gaze, turning it towards her, his bottom lip curling slightly before he swiped a hand over his face.

"Ah, yeah, it's nothing," he uttered lowly. "Just long hours, deadlines…you know what it's like." He managed a half-smile, gradually notching it up in strength the longer her looked at her anxious face. "Just making a mountain out of a molehill, as usual."

Anna pursed her lips together, not feeling completely assured that his distantness didn't have anything to do with her. "We make quite the pair, don't we?" she said, forcing the smile into her voice.

He kept his eyes upon her momentarily, smiling weakly and nodding slightly, before he had to look away, his gaze falling to the ground again. Anna stopped their tracks, touching a hand lightly to his arm as she stood in front of him. She felt him shudder a little beneath her fingers, and she stuttered herself as she lifted her other hand up to cup his cheek delicately. His eyes flickered up to meet hers, and she kept them as steady as she could while the very tips of her fingers brushed against his skin.

"You are telling me the truth aren't you? Else, I'll only worry."

He smiled at her, small but genuine, closing his eyes for a second before his own hand reached up to cover hers that lay on his face. She inhaled as their fingers touched, his sweeping across hers gently as he lowered her hand. He gave a little squeeze before he released it.

"Well, we can't have that," he rasped, and she smiled to see his eyes brighten. His posture relaxed as he took a long breath out, and he straightened up, giving a little gesture for them to move forward. Anna nodded, stepping to the side.

"Please tell me you've eaten something. There'll be nothing of you soon enough, otherwise."

She gave him a little look, and then her expression eased. "A toasted ham sandwich. Very extravagant, I'm sure you'll agree."

John chuckled, and then held his arm out towards her. She took it without hesitation.

"Come on, I'll take you to that patisserie up the road. You need something more substantial."

Her face lit up impishly. "Aren't I sweet enough already?"

"I don't think you need me to answer that. But you are in need of a sugar rush."

* * *

The next evening, they were sitting side by side in a little bistro out towards the edge of the city, Robert and Cora on the other side of the table. When she visited the restaurant briefly at the end of the day yesterday, Robert suggested that they should go out somewhere else, the four of them. Anna relayed the idea to John during their nightly telephone catch-up and after some initial reluctance, he'd agreed. So long as the whole night wasn't spent talking shop, he said. She assured him that it wouldn't happen on her part, needing some headspace away from the restaurant and launch for a while. It didn't take that long for the smile to surface in his voice.

" _How could I possibly refuse an evening in your company?"_

The bistro chosen – on Cora's part, obviously – was lovely, just the relaxed change of scenery Anna needed after a hectic week. Outside, it had a verandah overlooking lush green gardens, and a small stream babbled away nearby in the ever-lightening evening. The food was delicious, four plates were left completely clean and a lazy, contented smile was set upon her face in the soft light of the place.

"That was absolutely beautiful," Cora exclaimed in her seemingly perpetually enthusiastic tone. "The lamb was so tender. If I wasn't watching my waistline, I would have had another helping."

"I'm with you there," John agreed, leaning back in his chair a little. He waggled his eyebrows. "Worried about the competition, Rob?"

Robert waved his hand dismissively. "Not at all," he uttered with bombastic confidence, before his expression altered. "This place is a few miles away, after all."

The three of them began to laugh raucously, yet the look on Robert's face suggested that perhaps he hadn't made the comment in jest.

"We're so excited about the launch, Anna," Cora mused, her eyes widening and her hands clasping together. "Robert's keeping it top-secret but from the little I've managed to get out of him, it all sounds excellent. I can't wait to see what's up your sleeve. I can tell you have a real talent for these things."

"And it's no mean feat, not with the way that bombsite was," Robert interjected.

Anna blushed, fiddling with her napkin. "I'm looking forward to it too. There's still a bit to do," she sighed lightly, glancing to the right to look at John, who was staring down at his plate. "But I'm hoping it'll all come together."

"Well, you can't rush perfection," Robert reclined, swiping the corners of his mouth. "It'll be fantastic, we're certain of it."

Anna nodded at the couple modestly, smiling sincerely before her eyes sought out John again. Her mind began to wander, occupied by trying to figure out what was going on in his. She noticed when he arrived to pick her up that the tension from the previous day still remained within him, and though he had been amiable throughout the evening, to her eyes his smile had been strained and not quite naturally fitting upon his face. Her fingers began to edge tentatively from where they lay upon her lap, and she continued to turn over possibilities in her head, lost until Cora interrupted her train of thought.

"We were thinking about having a night for friends at the restaurant before it officially goes public. A pre-launch launch, if you will, just for those who have been involved and who we want to show it to first." She smiled warmly towards Anna. "And, Anna, you'd be guest of honour. We'd insist."

"Oh, really, Cora, that's too much." She laughed a little nervously but remained utterly gracious. "But it'd be lovely. I would be honoured."

"And you can tag along too, John," Robert chortled as he poured more wine into each of their glasses.

"Thanks, mate," John retorted, arching his eyebrows and glancing at Anna, his eyes deep upon her as he took a sip of his drink. Her heart stopped for a millisecond and then fluttered wildly in her chest. Twisting his fingers around the stem, he settled his glass back down against the tablecloth.

"So, you've got poor Anna running around after you," he paused to smirk knowingly towards her, "but what about everything else? Are you all ready to go?"

Robert's face crumpled a little as he considered. "I'd say so. The menus are finalised, I can't foresee any major disasters ahead." He looked almost too relaxed as he took a long sip of wine. "But it's like anything, I suppose. There are things you can never expect."

At the very same moment, a grin washed over both of the men's faces.

"Oh, please," Cora touched a hand up to cover her temple. "Don't start…"

"Bom, bom, bom…Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!" they chorused simultaneously, their voices raising several decibels in the peaceful atmosphere.

Cora crouched across the table towards Anna, who was simply smiling, amused and a touch perplexed. "All the time," Cora whispered wearily.

"Our chief weapon is surprise," John boomed, "Surprise and fear. Fear and surprise."

Robert took over the routine effortlessly. "Our two chief weapons are surprise and fear. And a ruthless efficiency."

John swooped in again with faultless timing. "Our three main weapons are fear, surprise and a ruthless efficiency…"

"Seriously," Cora put a swift stop to the hilarity, Robert and John continuing to giggle like adolescents. "You two could do this a million times over – and you have – and I will still not get what's so funny about it."

"You Americans," Robert leaned in to his wife, emphasising her nationality on purpose. "You just don't get our fine humour…"

As Robert and Cora partly playfully bickered about which country had the superior comedy, Anna's searching gaze fell upon John. His shoulders were hunched as he stared ahead from the table, and she could feel the tension emanating from his body even before she touched him. Slowly, gently, she let her fingers creep across, ghosting a careful trail upon the hem of his trousers, until the palm of her hand lay firm on his leg, splayed out above his knee, covered by the tablecloth. She felt the muscles in the limb twitch and his eyes sparked, struck unawares by her touch. Robert and Cora were chattering on still, and gradually, he took his eyes away from the distance and brought them towards hers, blue and open and thoroughly soothing. It took a little time for him to become calm, but Anna kept on smiling, the pads of her fingers moving just a little in a subconscious rhythm over his thigh.

After long seconds, she felt his hand covering hers upon his lap, the tenderness and subtle strength of his touch cascading over her instantly. Her fingers stilled against him as they were captured with his own. Twining their hands together out of sight underneath the table, John began to rub little circles with his thumb over the skin next to hers. Anna had to make the effort to stop herself from sighing aloud as he continued, smiling at her more openly than he had done all night.

"Tell her, John," Robert's voice just about became apparent to both of their senses. "Monty Python is the best comedy in existence."

John kept smiling lazily at Anna, his eyes glazed over with affection.

"Whatever you say, mate."

* * *

Anna walked the length of the bistro, heading to the back entrance in the pretence of wanting a bit of fresh air. John had excused himself from the table some time ago, and she was getting increasingly concerned the longer he was gone. She went out onto the decked verandah, and found his figure underneath a little flowered archway, his face turned from her, yet she saw the cigarette grasped between his fingers, lifting up and away.

"I didn't know you smoked," she stated softly, her arms folded against her as she watched him swivel around.

"In times of weakness," he replied, exhaling a little trail of smoke and stubbing the remainder out beneath the toe of his shoe. "And desperation."

She frowned a little as she sauntered over to him, her hips swaying against the fabric of her dress. "Oh dear," she said in barely a whisper. "I wonder if I'd be able to help with that at all."

Reaching him, newly-budding roses studded over their heads, she couldn't resist circling her arms around his waist, suppressing the groan in the back of her throat as she felt the warmth of his skin upon the tips of her fingers through his layers. She batted her eyelashes as she craned her head to look up at his height.

"Alone at last," she purred, a delicious smirk plastered upon her lips which only moved when she inclined upwards. Moving tantalisingly closer, she darted out her tongue swiftly to moisten them and then puckered them into a loose pout, in fevered preparation to meet with his. Before she could achieve her aim, he arched his shoulders, pulling back sharply. He let out a heavy sigh as her face shadowed with confusion.

"What's the matter?" she asked gently, hoping to veil her bubbling frustration, a palm still placed on the small of his back. "If it's because of that, it doesn't put me off." She smiled, looking down at his feet while her fingers began to very delicately play upon him again, in much the same way as they had done when they had been sitting at the table. She couldn't go long until she fixed her eyes on him once more. "You know, I shouldn't care what I found out. Nothing could ever put me off you."

His voice was lower than hers had become, but significantly less sultry. "You might change your mind."

Even if it was not clear in her face, the puzzlement was set solid within her. He looked as though he had the weight of the world balanced upon his shoulders, and the strain was showing through in his expression.

"Something's not been right for days," she ventured, her voice getting just slightly harsher. "Whatever it is, I wish you'd come out with it. There's no use in being unclear about it." Her eyes softened as they stayed upon him, watching carefully. "I thought you'd know that you could tell me anything."

Under her sure gaze, he eased just perceptibly. He seemed as if he were hovering on the precipice of something insurmountable. Running a hand through his hair, loosening it, he sighed again before he finally made to speak.

"I know I've been a nuisance to you lately. Calling you, trying to pry you away from what you need to be doing."

Anna's insides untwisted, heaved into a comfortable heap. If this was all it was, he was a very silly beggar indeed.

"It's completely selfish of me, and I know it. I shouldn't be distracting you from your work. I'm sorry."

His feet shuffled about awkwardly beneath him, and Anna wanted to smother him in kisses.

"John, don't be silly. It's not a problem." Her fingers ghosted against her lips, acting as a barrier to the giggles that were straining to tumble from her. "I  _like_ being distracted by you."

She thought she saw the faintest sliver of a smile hidden on his face, before it was chased away completely.

"It's not just that."

His voice lowered again, still sounding utterly seductive to Anna's ears and making it increasingly difficult for her not to pounce on him. His eyes, so dark and reaching, tore a hole straight through her. His fingers fumbled in the air; he placed a gentle hand on the span of her waist, making her gasp briefly before he took it away again. Now his gaze was softer, sorrowful almost.

"I worry, Anna. Worry that this is all too sudden."

Her face fell a little as his looked to the ground.

"The last thing I want to do is push you too fast or too soon. Ten years, that's a massive thing. You should have all the space you need, and I'm stupid for not realising that sooner…"

His words trailed off into the air. Shifting into what he believed to be a better position, he cleared his throat before he continued, just a touch more confident this time.

"When we kissed…god, I'm not going to deny it was wonderful. But I don't want you to get the wrong impression, that you feel that you have to, that I should…"

He stumbled once more, exhaling a breath and closing his eyes for a second. Anna watched him intently, almost able to see the cogs whirring intently in his brain. They flickered open again, meeting her irises full on.

"I don't want to scare you, Anna. Please, I don't want you to feel obligated or pressured." Another sigh followed in his series. "I know I should know better."

She couldn't stop the smile quirking the corners of her mouth upwards, even though her heart was breaking within her chest for him. Angling the curve of her body closer to him underneath the little archway, she lowered her voice to a gentle, comforting hush.

"I can tell you, I'm not scared. Far from it," she breathed as the fingers of one hand trailed up his spine, and she smiled inwardly to feel him bristle at her touch. "Do you think I'd be acting like this if I was?"

He quirked his eyebrows up upon his forehead at her, and she giggled at his expression.

"I know what I want," she said, enunciating each word clearly. "And that's more of you."

She glowed to see his eyes and lips smiling down to her. She would have been content to stare at his smile for the rest of eternity, when she wasn't covering it with kiss after kiss.

"But, Anna, you must need time…"

"Time is short," she asserted firmly, her hand now reached up to brush the line of hair at the nape of his neck. "And too much of it is wasted." Her fingers stroked at the soft skin to punctuate her sentence.

"That's a very bold statement, Miss Smith," he managed to stutter out, shuddering slightly under her touch.

She smirked, her eyes sparkling mischievously but not hiding the certainty in her sentiments.

"It is, but it's entirely true." She sighed softly as the tips of her fingers sunk against the bristles of hair at the back of his neck, sweeping back and forth. "For too long I've stood, watching things pass me by. Not even noticing time fading away." Her eyes flitted across to his philtrum, the arch of his upper lip, and she pondered. "Now, I've had enough. I'm learning to be different. I'm learning to change." Her voice dropped again to a sultry whisper as she arched up a little, and he lowered to her. "And I'm learning that I like it."

A flash of a smile lit up on his face. "Just don't change too much. Because I like you exactly as you are."

Anna returned the smile, lacing the fingers of her free hand in his before she used them to guide his hand back to where it had been so briefly before. She glanced down at her hip as she placed his hand firmly on its curve, and thrilled as she saw his fingers curl around her possessively. Her own hand raked through his hair, ruffling the soft strands, teasing his scalp. She could only widen her grin for a second or two before his lips were lowered completely onto hers, the dull ache that had steadily built up within her all night relieved by the tender strokes they were lavishing. His kiss was soft but consuming, and as she parted her mouth to let his tongue slip inside, she could taste spice and red wine and a hint of smoke. She couldn't stop herself from making a little mewl as his other hand stroked down the length of her side while he continued to send heavenly shocks through her with each caress of his tongue upon her lips. Her knees were weakening fast, and she lifted a foot from the ground as he grasped her tight by the waist, not letting her go.

It took her some time to recover, to open her eyes and return back to earth.

"Does that answer your doubts, Mr Bates?"

His voice was slightly hoarse from their efforts. "I believe it does."

They stared at each other for a while, the whole world seeming to ebb away from where they stood circled together in a dream. Realising suddenly how they must have looked, they giggled, and John leaned forward to leave a series of little kisses upon Anna's reddened lips.

"They'll be wondering where we've got to," he whispered against her mouth, watching her eyes flicker coquettishly up to him.

"Let them wonder. I want to be alone with you for a few more minutes."

The grin spreading across his lips said he wanted the very same thing.

* * *

Stretching her limbs underneath the covers, Anna sunk back comfortably upon the propped up pillows, dimming the lamp at her bedside. A half-finished guest list lay in front of her on top of the duvet and she picked up the piece of paper in one hand, scanning the names, reaching for her address book to have another search for new additions. Before she could pick it up, her eyes drifted to the new paperback book nestled at its side, and she smiled. Throwing the guest-list onto the table at her side, she relaxed against the pillows, opening the crisp pages, cracking its spine lightly.

Inhaling deeply, not only could she smell that unique, intoxicating scent of a previously untouched book, but also him. His imprints were left upon the pages, every word and sentence spilling him out. She traced the very tips of her fingers over the book's smallish print, and could feel that she was still touching him.

Before she read on to the second page, the message alert on her phone bleeped loudly, breaking the peaceful silence. Forgetting that it was still even switched on, Anna didn't avert her eyes from the book until the phone screen was illuminated in her vision. She rested the book against her covered lap, and read the text instead.

_\- Sorry I've been such a pain. Didn't mean to worry you. And I'm very glad I don't have to worry about you. Time certainly doesn't stop, but I'm glad we could rewind it a little bit. I had a brilliant night – as ever when I'm with you. J_

Tingles travelled through her, smiling wide as she absorbed the message. Just as she made to turn the phone off, the words still swirling in her mind, another text came.

_\- Forgot something. I'm not sure how, certainly not after tonight. Take care and sweet dreams, Anna. J x_

Sealed with a kiss.

Surely now they had both jumped straight in, feet, heads and hearts first.


	8. Chapter 8

Anna let out a prolonged sigh, digging her heels into the carpet as she stared longingly into the open wardrobe, her eyes raking back and forth. It was no use. There was nothing here that would do, not in the slightest.

She was considering throwing everything from the first floor window and collapsing in a desperate heap on the floor, when Gwen entered, placing a fresh mug of tea down onto the bedside cabinet. Despite herself, Anna huffed once more in resignation.

"It's a code red, then? Wardrobe apocalypse?" Gwen smoothed her hand across the duvet before perching upon the edge of the bed.

"It is. The worst there's ever been." Anna walked back over towards the open door helplessly, running her fingers across what was inside. "God, I didn't know I owned so many variations on the same skirt suit. Remind me, I need to clear some stuff out. Though maybe not at this moment, I'd be walking around in just my underwear."

"I don't think people would complain." Gwen laughed as Anna arched her eyebrows. "You should do it though. Chuck everything out, let go. You're a new you, so you need some new stuff that fits that. Do a Julia Roberts." Her face lit up, and Anna chuckled.

"Yeah, it's just a shame I don't have a Richard Gere to let me buy the whole of Harvey Nichols."

"Don't you?" Gwen intoned a little cheekily. "I mean, John certainly looks the part." She held up her hand to the light, examining her fingernails carefully. "How much money does he make anyway?"

"I have no idea. But it's not  _that_  much."

Gwen bit off a straggle of nail. "Ahh well, never mind. He's got plenty of other attributes to make up for it." She let out a wicked laugh as Anna's mouth set into a stunned gasp, then moved to a smirk that was a touch bashful but decidedly minx-like at the same time. Gwen sprang off the bed suddenly. "You can borrow anything of mine in the meantime, until I can afford to take you on a shopping spree in maybe, ten years?"

Anna smiled. "I'll hold you to that."

"I'll start saving now. And afterwards, I'll take you to Jez's parents' house, because you know he's sad enough to crawl back and stay there. It'd only take a minute, but it'd be totally worth it."

"Gwen, what the…"

"Hat, gloves, dress – the works. While he looks like a hobo who's escaped from a sewer, and doesn't know what's hit him.  _Big mistake. Big. Huge._ "

She shook her head. "You've seen that film way too many times."

Though it had been brought up completely innocently, the shadow of her former fiancé lingered like a bad smell in the room and refused to leave. Sensing the atmosphere acutely, Anna moved to speak about something else, anything else, before Gwen jumped in, prolonging the agony.

"Isn't most of your stuff still over there? There must be loads…"

Anna bristled, bringing a hand up to her temple before squirming and shifting, dropping it to rub briskly against her arm. A whine came from the back of her throat as she bounced down with force onto the edge of the mattress.

"There is. Too much," she groaned, fingering the satiny seam of the duvet cover and cringing to even think, her gaze planted to the floor. "Oh Gwen, I know it's ridiculous, but I just can't face going round there. I mean, it's been what, weeks, months. And it shouldn't even bother me. I mean, it doesn't. Not really. But even thinking about setting foot in there. The smell, the sounds…it makes me want to itch my skin off. It makes me feel completely sick." She ran her hands delicately over her stomach that had begun to get a tiny bit queasy, glancing up hesitantly. "All of it, every bit reminds me how much of a fool I've been for so long."

"I suppose that means you won't be going back then?" Gwen's voice was soft, the expression on her face matching her tone. Her eyes widened as she sat down next to Anna. "Not that I want to kick you out or anything, because you know I don't. Of course I wouldn't."

Anna nodded towards Gwen as her friend wrapped a hand round one of her own.

"But that house is yours, technically. You paid for most of it. You're entitled to go round, storm in and haul his sorry arse out without a moment's notice. It's not right. It's like he's taking something else from you, and it's crap. I just don't want you to be trampled over."

She managed a weak smile, always heartened by Gwen's unshakeable love of principles.

"To be honest, I'm not even bothered about my rights," she admitted. "I'd sell it tomorrow. He can keep it, and the entire contents. It is a bit sad, because it was my first proper house." She looked down at her lap, smoothing a crease out of her trousers. "But it stopped being my home the second I found them there." The acid in her stomach lurched up again and she had to stop her hand from shaking against her knees. "It'd never be the same. I'd never be able to rest. I don't need to go back to know that it would be all I'd ever be able to know, and it'd drive me insane. I wouldn't last five seconds. And if I saw him…" She visibly recoiled.

Gwen nodded, patting her fingers against Anna's hand before releasing her grip. Anna shook her limbs a little, inhaling with a sigh and exhaling with a smile.

"I've started looking for a new place," she announced, with brightness in her voice again. "I haven't got very far what with everything that's going on, but once the launch is done, I can have a proper scout." A little rush of sorrow swept over her as she thought. "I'll use the money I was saving up for the wedding." In the next moment, she let out an almost hysterical laugh. "It was only ever gathering dust anyway, waiting for the twelfth of never."

Gwen's face was a bit mournful, but Anna's growing smile counteracted any possible sadness or regret that she could possibly feel. She was looking forward to it now she'd had time to get over the shock and properly adjust. A new place, a new start. It seemed to be the last piece of the puzzle.

"Don't worry, I won't be leaving just yet," she assured, hoping to coax the grin back onto Gwen's lips as she shot up onto her feet again. "And you'll be paid the rent in full."

"Don't be silly," Gwen shrugged. "As long as you keep baking that lemon drizzle cake, we'll call it even." Getting up too, she smiled as she walked over to stand at Anna's side, regarding the dilemma of the wardrobe once more. "I'll go round after my shift, bag up the rest of your things and bring them here. Absolutely no contact needed."

Anna was a little speechless. "Oh Gwen, would you mind? You're an absolute star. I do have my key somewhere…"

"No worries, I'll find it."

She smiled and threw her arms around Gwen, rocking back and forth and letting out a relieved sigh. Taking a final glance inside and deciding that it really was beyond all hope, she closed the wardrobe when she had let go.

"You know, I'm not sure any of my stuff will do," Anna asserted. "I need something…special. Something that hasn't been worn to a thousand dinners or other events."

"Well, you're going out later, aren't you?" Gwen asked, turning towards the door. "You can find something then."

A smile crept across Anna's lips.

"Maybe."

She was temporarily lost in her thoughts of the afternoon ahead, catching herself just in time before Gwen left the room.

"Oh Gwen, you can leave behind the James Blunt CD. I wouldn't be able to listen to it again without wanting to throw up."

"Welcome to the rest of the world."

* * *

Standing in the shop, Anna was overwhelmed by the rows and rows of different silks that lined the walls, confronting her all at once, bombarding her with choice. Leaning up carefully, she unthreaded one coloured ribbon from its rack and studied every thread and hue as she held it up against the plain invitation card.

She breathed out steadily, exhaling with a great deal of concentration as she tried to come to a decision. The light tickle of his breath was playing at the back of her neck, falling so very softly but discernible in a second's notice.

"You know what I think is a good colour scheme? Red, white and yellow."

Anna turned slowly at the waist, the ribbon curled around a finger almost tight enough to cut off her circulation. The intent expression upon her face drifted into a smile when she took the sight of him before her in, so earnest but still with that keen sparkle glowing in his eyes.

"Of course you would," she retorted, letting the ribbon unwind loosely as her whole demeanour relaxed. She tucked it back into the overflowing rack upon the wall and then quickly turned back to John, barely restrained laughter crinkling at his eyes as he edged a little closer to her.

"Well, you did want my opinion. And that's it." He leant his broad frame over, the span of his arms extending quite remarkably. Delicately, he unravelled a bright red ribbon from its resting place, smoothing the silk of it between his fingertips. Anna found herself transfixed once more, this time not by the deliberation of colour schemes. "Look at that. The colour's completely majestic."

Shaking herself out of the stupor, Anna smirked.

"It might be, but I don't really think it says 1920s elegance."

She could hardly keep her giggles in as John frowned, winding the ribbon around his hand. Struck by sudden inspiration, she picked out another from a little lower down the same column.

"I think I'll go with maroon," she announced assuredly, running the newly selected ribbon against the pads of her fingers, "set off by cream and gold."

John smiled, arching up his eyebrows triumphantly.

"That's still red, white and yellow to me."

Anna shook her head softly, unable to take the grin from her face as she went over to the counter with the three rolls of ribbon. She placed the order, along with one for a lot of matching fabrics, and then bounded over to where John was waiting by the door.

"I think that's everything," she said, smiling at him. "We might just have time for a coffee yet."

John smiled back at her and she could have forgotten that anything else existed in the world, when her thoughts unfortunately interrupted her. Her expression dropped, and his brow furrowed in response.

"There is one other thing. Well, two actually." She looked up at him apologetically. "I need to get two dresses. But you know, it doesn't matter. I can always come back another day."

"What's the point in that? We might as well go now, while you're in fully fledged shopping mode." His eyebrows remained high and the corners of his mouth curled, gently teasing her.

"I don't want to bore you to tears."

"You could never do such a thing."

His eyes softened and smiled towards her, and Anna felt completely assured. He held the door open for her, and she ushered herself out, glancing over her shoulder underneath her eyelashes at him, standing like the perfect gentleman, staring until he joined her outside.

"Lead the way, fair lady."

She took them further down the street, her steps hesitating momentarily as she looked over to the left at the road's turning.

"There's a lovely little boutique not too far that way. I've spent many an hour gazing longingly in its window," she giggled, before her tone changed. "I probably shouldn't though."

John fixed her a look that defied her reasoning and also sent her weak at the knees. "Of course you should." His eyes brightened as he regarded her. "And I'm curious to know what has you so entranced."

She smiled as she took them in the right direction, the solid rays of the sun warm against the exposed skin of her neck as it beat down upon them. The afternoon was incredibly fine, too nice to be spending traipsing in and out of shops on the high street. Anna couldn't help feeling a little guilty that she was taking up his valuable free time in this way. Even though she didn't have to make excuses, she still felt she should say as much.

"I am sorry for dragging you round. I know dress shopping isn't most men's idea of fun."

John gave a shrug of his shoulders as his legs strode across the pavement.

"It's fine, really. I've got quite a bit of experience." He chortled, his laughter floating upon the air as he noticed her looking vaguely perplexed. "I used to babysit for Rob and Cora back in the day, when I had weekends going spare. Trailing from shop to shop was the main pursuit of three girls. The hours of my life I must have spent…"

Anna gazed down momentarily at the pavement, a smile stemming from the bottom of her stomach to think. He must have been so adorable, herding round and keeping a watchful eye on three little girls.

"So you needn't worry about a thing. I'm certain that you can't be as picky as they were."

"I wouldn't be so sure." She gazed back up at him and nearly burst into uncontrollable laughter to see the faintest hint of exasperation in his face, hidden well by his pursed lips and content nod. She hadn't yet met any of Robert and Cora's daughters, though she felt she already knew quite a bit about them from hearing Cora speak, as proud as any mother would be. "How old are they now?"

"Let's see…I'd say Sybil must be about 23, Edith 26, and Mary 28. I think that's right."

She was a bit surprised, and let out the smallest of gasps. "Wow. I don't know why I was picturing them as teenagers. I suppose I just don't think of Robert and Cora having kids of that age."

Suddenly, she felt quite strange and incredibly self-conscious. She hadn't really given it that much consideration, and the gap in their ages certainly didn't faze her, but knowing that he used to babysit someone not that much younger than her made her wonder. How did John see her? She never thought of herself as immature, but he must have been used to dating women that were so much more sophisticated, refined, worldlier than her, of that she was certain. They were only just starting out, and she knew he'd dismiss it flat out if she said anything now, but in time would she be enough for him, she wondered?

"Well, they were young. Cora was pregnant with Mary when we were graduating. It caused a bit of a stir, but Cora just said that she was wearing robes, so what did it really matter." He let out another laugh. "It does seem mad to think though, that they're not little girls running round causing mischief anymore. Time runs away with us all."

She thought she saw him looking a little perturbed contemplating the fact, so she gently touched a hand to his forearm, smiling softly as he started, his gaze falling upon her.

"You must have been so cute, keeping guard over them."

He coloured a little, turning bashful at her comment. "It was nice to have them around. I mean, I was always happy to watch them for however long. Their characters were mapped out from right back then. You could never tell them anything, they'd always know before you." He smiled wistfully as he recalled. "I didn't see that much of them when they were teenagers. I went abroad, and they were off at boarding school as well."

"Boarding school?" Anna's voice raised, surprise returning to her. "God, I'm in a different world from them."

John chuckled. "I felt a bit like that when I met Rob. He's from good stock, distantly related to the seventh Earl of Grantham. From what I know about that period, he was a Lord of some manor in Yorkshire, funnily enough. When we ended up working together after uni, Rob never needed the money. His mother still lives in some big country pile in Berkshire, he's never wanted for anything. I was incredibly intimidated at first, but it all went away when I realised he couldn't be further from all that. He's the salt of the earth, always has been. If I didn't know otherwise, I would have sworn he was really from a little village in County Clare."

Anna warmed to see the wave of nostalgia pass over his face.

"God, I always remember the first time he came over to Ireland, not that long after we'd finished uni. My mother made a point of keeping everything just as it was, being stubborn and insistent as always. She said, 'Just because he's well-to-do, don't you go thinking I'll change myself or any of what we have. He can like it, or very well lump it.' And then on the second day at breakfast, I saw her getting out the best china, hiding it under her apron. Rob had her completely charmed."

His laugh was hearty, coming right from his gut. Anna found herself laughing too, loving how free and happy his memories made him. A gust of wind picked up around them, but it was not the presence of that which put a trace of a tear welling in his eye. He turned his face towards her as they kept on walking, and she felt a touch conscious once more, not wanting him to think she was being intrusive by noticing his swell of emotion.

"She would have loved you, you know."

He said the words quietly, almost a whisper carried away on the wind. Anna looked up, her heart fluttering against the walls of her chest. Even if she hadn't heard it, the sentiment playing strong in the dark pools of his eyes couldn't be denied. She thought her heart might cease to beat right then and there.

John's face remained that way for a second, his deep gaze holding her own captive, before a golden ray of sunlight tempered it. In the light, she could see every fleck of shade and colour in his skin, his hair, his eyes.

"Especially as she enjoyed a good scoot around the shops, too."

* * *

Anna walked the length of the boutique's floor, having a look for anything she might have possibly missed the four other times she had gone round the rails already. Spying a dark blue mid-length dress over in a corner, she went over speedily to snap it up, even though there was no one other than the shop assistant in there, scanning through a magazine at the till's counter.

Holding it up not quite against her frame, she looked guiltily at the label attached, biting her lip before she decided to put it with the others she had picked out to try. Her eyes lifted from examining the fabric to look out across the shop. When they'd first came in, John had been walking around the edges, looking a little sheepish as if he didn't want to study the clothes too markedly, occasionally bringing his phone out from his trouser pocket and scrolling absent-mindedly. Anna had been quickly absorbed in her task, venturing into the thick of it, and the next time she'd glanced up to check on him he'd disappeared from sight and the shop completely. He hadn't returned, not that Anna had really expected that he would. There was a bookshop not that far along which would be holding his attentions much better, and as soon as she'd made her choices she'd pop along and find him, his nose firmly planted in a book, no doubt. She laughed to herself thinking that she should tell him to leave work behind in the pursuit of pleasure, but swiftly realised she wasn't one to talk.

She shut the door of the cubicle behind her, blinking in the harsh light that surrounded her. Having lifted her top over her head and wriggling the trousers from her hips, she sighed lightly as she scrutinised herself in the long mirrors at the front and both sides of her. Why on earth did they make changing rooms as unflattering as possible? She pulled the skin at her ribs taut with one hand before stroking it over her stomach. She had lost weight recently, and no matter how much she seemed to eat, it refused to go back on. Looking down at her knees, she frowned. She hated her legs. Gwen was always going on about how she'd kill to have legs like hers, but in Anna's opinion they were much too short and even a little bit stumpy. Slipping the first of her selections, a silver-grey strapless dress, from its hanger, she fastened it quickly to her body, gathering her hair up against her neck and twisting herself to acknowledge the fit from almost all possible angles.

After longer than she really needed to decide that it wasn't for her, she pulled down the zip, letting it drop to the floor. She did the same with the blue dress she'd selected last, taking far less time to come to a decision about that one. Eyeing the two remaining dresses doubtfully, she had a feeling she may not be leaving the shop satisfied.

"Haven't you made your mind up yet?"

Her shoulders jumped to hear his voice, near enough purring outside the door. She caught sight of her flushed face glowing bright in the mirror opposite as her arms flew up to cross over and cover her chest.

"John!" she exclaimed breathily, feeling the heat creep up from her calves. "I didn't think you were here."

"I'd read everything on the shelves, the time you were taking," he rasped, letting out a low chuckle. "I did wonder if you'd got lost amongst the rails."

Anna raised her eyes to the ceiling, a smile creeping upon the edges of her lips. She was standing in one small spot awkwardly, her knees knocking together as her hands still lay clamped to her arms. Even though the thick door bolted by a lock separated them completely, her body burned ferociously as if he should have been staring straight at her, his searching eyes raking her almost naked form from head to toe.

"Surely you must have tried on everything in here, twice."

Being unable to see his face, his voice was even more affecting than usual, seeming to penetrate her very soul. She shivered a little, uncrossing her ankles where she stood.

"I can't just make a decision so quickly," she stuttered out, the laugh rising in her voice as she continued to speak. "This is a very important matter at hand, you know. There's a lot to be considered."

She giggled to herself imagining the uncomprehending look that must have been lying upon his face, and she finally found the inclination to move and take one of the other dresses from its hanger.

"Oh, I can imagine." His words followed her as she moved, wrapping around her as she stretched out her limbs to slide into the garment. "It's got to be taken very seriously indeed."

Anna smiled as she curled her fingers around to her back, gliding up the zip at the seam, having to leave it a little undone. "Indeed," she repeated, her voice echoing against the compartment. She heard him laugh again, a little louder than before. "What's tickling you?"

He cleared his throat before his voice started up again, filling the space even though he was speaking in a low register.

"I was just thinking of you in a past life, standing in some grand room, the wardrobe fit to bursting. You'd be one of those ladies who would have several people waiting to dress them, spoilt for choice."

"I wish," she laughed, smoothing her palms down the sides of the dress she was now wearing, it fitting her snugly. She smiled assuredly to her reflection, and then wrinkled her nose. "Although, I'm not really sure if I'd want someone to dress me, not all the time. I'd find it quite strange."

"Perhaps," he assented, his tone rising just slightly and resonating in her ears as she wiggled free of the dress.

"That's one down," she announced. "Let's just hope this next one will fit the bill too."

"Fingers crossed," he said smoothly, every syllable sending goosepimples prickling upon her skin. "Though I'm sure you don't need to get anything new just for the occasion. You haven't worn the same thing twice the times I've seen you."

Holding the final, untried dress delicately in her hands, Anna chuckled, rather impressed at his knowledge.

"And what is it you find so funny, Miss Smith?"

"I didn't think men noticed that sort of thing," she replied, her words lilting. She didn't find teasing him half as fun when she couldn't play off his reactions, but she was still going to give it a good try.

"Oh, we do. At least some of us do."

A blaze of fire rose up in her veins, colliding with her pulse.

"Really?" she threw back, half-toying, half-eager to know more. "I'm sure you're just saying that."

"Not at all. We notice all kinds of things." He gave away no signs that he was playing with her, his voice as measured as it ever was. "The dress you're wearing now, I could pick out each detail."

"But you can't even see it."

Anna smirked, and then flushed to realise the state she was currently in. She still had the dress in her hands and was standing in the cubicle in just her underwear.

There was a sigh in his voice before he began to speak again.

"The neckline doesn't show too much so you don't feel conscious about yourself. It curves around your collarbone and sweeps just below your shoulders. You like your shoulders, and this makes them stand out. It's long so it covers up your legs, and makes you look taller than you really are, which makes you stand up straighter, so you actually are taller in it."

She smiled as she gazed down at her ankles, knowing he'd got all her doubts and insecurities spot on.

"The colour. It's got the touch of the Greek goddess about it."

She giggled to think of him getting so expressive. Not bothering that she was still unclothed, that the air conditioning was starting to chill the blades of her shoulders significantly, she crept further to the closed door. "Go on."

"It shines. It makes your hair look like gold, but it doesn't take away from it. It brings out your eyes, which are even bluer and brighter, and they sparkle across the whole room. And that's even before we get to what it's doing for your smile. You smile all the time when you're in it. It's a smile nobody's ever seen and there's a good reason for that. It takes everybody's breath away, the radiance of it."

He stopped to take in a sharp breath and Anna found herself reciprocating the action, leaning her arm against the door, hanging on his every word as if her life depended on it. She was desperate to hear more of his voice, to get closer to him behind the barrier.

"It's a deadly weapon, this dress," he rumbled, "Completely life-threatening to everyone in the vicinity."

She laughed lightly as he did so too, bracing her hand flat upon the plain of the wood, splaying her fingers out to where she imagined his lay on the other side. A sudden itch sprang up all over her body, wanting to be able to touch his skin, to taste his lips. Instead the lone sense she was allowed access to was amplified even stronger. Her head pressed itself to the door to be able to hear him as he spoke soft and low, his words lying awhile unspoken in the air.

"It doesn't matter though, because it doesn't change what's underneath one bit." His voice dripped like honey over her, bathing her completely, playing every string and note that lay in her chest like an effortless melody. "Your eyes will always be the most beautiful of any. Your smile will always light up a room. You'll look sensational, no matter what you wear. Anna, you could wear a sack and you'd still be absolutely breathtaking."

She leaned her back flush against the door, shrinking just a little in the shadow of his words. Seeing herself again in the full length of the mirror, all of her flaws still remained but somehow they didn't seem to loom as large now.

There was a silence, and she thought he may have gone again, but then she heard the steady rise of his breathing as he prepared to speak again.

"Because you're you, Anna. Just you. And that's what I notice above everything."

Slowly, with his voice all around her, her steps fell across the floor. Raising her arms, she slinked the dress over her frame, and sighed as it caressed her carefully. Looking at her reflection, she couldn't help but smile wide at what she saw.

"How does it look?" he enquired, aware that she'd gone quiet.

"I like it," she said, her words smiling just as much. "But you can't see. Not just yet. You'll have to wait." She bit softly upon her bottom lip as she waited to hear his reply.

The smile could be heard in his voice too. "I look forward to it. Even if I don't need to see it to know."

* * *

"That's the last of it," Gwen heaved as she put the final two bin bags down onto the floor of the bedroom before Anna. "Are you sure you don't want a hand going through it all?"

"No, it's alright," she answered without hesitation, opening up another empty sack. "It's best if I do it alone. God only knows what I might come across."

Gwen grimaced a little, and Anna had to laugh.

"It'll be cleansing. Or something."

Gwen tipped her head to the side, taking in the piles that were now covering the floor, before she made to leave again. "Well, just give me a shout if you need me."

Anna nodded, sinking down onto her knees as the door clicked softly shut behind her. A decade's worth of accumulated possessions laid crammed into one small space, what seemed like a whole lifetime, already so foreign to her. She felt suffocated just looking at it all, a heaviness slumping down upon her shoulders. How hadn't she realised the sensation sooner? It was clawing at her insides, washing back and forth over her as she began to pick her fingers through the bags that were nearly coming apart at the seams.

After initial trepidation, for the most part she worked swiftly, dumping most of the contents into the pile that she'd assigned to be thrown away, filling new bags just as rapidly as she was working through the ones that had been carried back. But every now and then, something stopped her in her tracks. A ticket stub, a scruffy little teddy bear clutching a red heart. A few old photos, curling at the edges, of holidays and occasions, of some girl that she couldn't quite remember being smiling fervently at the camera, her arms hugging round a boy who she only now realised looked entirely distracted. She ripped up the pictures into tiny shreds, erasing every trace of herself trapped in that oblivious past.

Digging into the bottom of one of the last half-empty bags, she pulled out a patterned dress that was all tangled up. It puzzled Anna as to why it should have been there. It looked fine, maybe just a little faded, but it was still something that she liked and she thought she could get away with. Unfurling the sleeves, she held it up against her. After a second, a bolt of recognition shot through her.

Seeing it properly she remembered instantly, as if it were yesterday. She'd wore it only once, at a party while they were still at university. The moment he'd saw it, Jeremy had burst out laughing, asking her what on earth possessed her to wear something that awful. It did absolutely nothing for her, he said, especially not its length, which made her legs look even shorter than they already were.  _Little titch_ , he used to call her, thinking it was endearingly cute when really it got on every last nerve she had. Up until now, she'd blocked all knowledge of that dress out of her memory entirely, or at least she thought she had. She hadn't remembered being that bothered about her legs before that night.

From across the room, the shiny gold bag caught her eye, one of the newly bought dresses peeking out of the top. The smile eased back onto her face as she leapt up onto her feet, casting the garment she'd found behind her. Opening up the bag, she took out the dress, holding it gently with the very tips of her fingers. Not for the first time since she'd got back, she pressed it against the length of her body, admiring the way it fell against her, seeing it shimmer softly by her skin in the low light. She breathed out as she turned a little to the side, the grin still fitting her face naturally as she kept on looking, and thinking.

_It doesn't matter. None of it matters. Not to someone who truly notices._

Still, she couldn't wait for John to see her in it.


	9. Chapter 9

Anna paced up and down the narrow hallway, the length of her dress trailing a little behind her and making a hushed swishing sound on the carpet. She felt like she had repeated her steps there for hours, but really it had only been a few minutes. She knew she had gotten ready too early. Gulping to try and relieve her dry throat, she took a look at the clock on the mantelpiece and was surprised to find that it was actually a little later than she had imagined. Her head swivelled to the door at the other end of the dimly lit hall, her eyes staying planted to the panes of frosted glass that she could barely make any shadows out from behind. She sighed in the silence, taking one last lingering look before she swept back into the sitting room.

Though her feet were already aching slightly from the heels she hadn't worn in a long time and the sofa looked particularly inviting in the empty room, she didn't dare to even think about seating herself, not wanting to crumple her dress. Instead she stood rather awkwardly on the threshold, a strip of light from the window stretching just far enough to reach her. She used the little bit of illumination to inch forward tentatively, regarding herself in the mirror. She must have tried it on at least ten times or more in the last week, but now, in the low light, the dress looked quite different. The longer she looked, the more she noticed that  _she_ looked different.

A finger stayed twisting a lock of hair around its length as she continued to gaze at her reflection. Something within her sprang up suddenly and she released the strand, letting the curled end recoil and rest below her shoulder, joining the others. With a shaking hand, she applied a coat of lipstick, pressing her lips together at length as she willed the jittering in her stomach to calm. She ran her other hand over the fabric covering her stomach, the action soothing her a little. In that second she did wonder whether it was all too over-the-top, too extravagant. It was only a little get-together after all, and here she was, dressed to the nines. Perhaps there was still enough time to go and change, if she was quick enough.

The shrill ring of the doorbell echoed, sounding deafening in the quiet room.

Anna's heart catapulted upwards as she moved down the hall again, the tiniest traces of a smile pulling at her lips. Her hand made to grasp the door handle fervently, but before she could prise it open she pulled her fingers away, tottering back beneath the stairs. The bell rang once more and she giggled inwardly as she wriggled into the coat, doing up the buttons hastily, her hair tumbling and bouncing over the collar.

She ran the short distance as best she could, holding herself for a second before the door was opened.

In a second, his head had lifted from the doorstep and his eyes were upon her, absolutely riveted. She noticed him inhaling a sharp breath, his lips parting slightly as he cast his gaze from the top of her head to the tips of her toes and back again, and tingles shivered down her spine. In the darkness, his look was a source of almost blinding light and made an aura glow around her. The smile that had started to spark on her face was now completely ignited.

"Good evening, Miss Smith," he uttered, the fingers of one hand resting upon the door's frame from the outside, his attentive eyes burning into her.

"Good evening, Mr Bates," she echoed, the flush rising on her cheeks as she kept her own eyes on him, delighted to see the soft smile spread across his lips.

He remained standing in the rather mild night air and she gestured for him to step into the hallway. Once he was inside, she clicked the door softly shut and smiled to see him rooted to the spot, following her movements, eyes flittering about the walls and along the stairs before they found their way back to her reliably. She stood only a few inches away from him, blossoming underneath his gaze and brightening by the second with the open appreciation of his smile. The pad of his shoes against the rather worn carpet was soft as he leant closer to her, his hand very lightly touching the brushed velvet of her coat as he angled his head towards her cheek. The anticipation bubbled within her seconds before his warm, soft lips pressed themselves tenderly to her skin, and she was surprised that she didn't jump to the ceiling. He lingered for a moment, seeming to lean his face nearer in to the curls that cascaded upon her shoulders, his breath riveting upon her neck. When he pulled back, Anna felt the loss of contact keenly.

"I hope you didn't mind," he said a little hesitantly, his hands fluttering lost in the air before he planted them into his pockets. "I just found that I couldn't resist. You look beautiful."

Anna knew that she was blushing intensely, feeling the entire length of her body radiating with heat.

"Thank you," she smiled, fingers fiddling with the clasp of her clutch bag. "You don't look too bad yourself."

That was a vast understatement, but for some reason she couldn't help but respond modestly, still slightly embarrassed by his compliment to her. He was all in black; black coat, black shoes, black suit, just offset by a grey shirt underneath and a lighter silken grey tie that sat on top. There was just a touch of stubble tracing his skin and his hair had a little gel in it but wasn't secured too tightly, looking like it could be dangerously close to being ruffled entirely free at any moment. Possibly by her, if she was given the chance. He was incredibly handsome indeed, and though she had always known he was, now she really noticed it.

He smiled back at her, the crinkles at the corners of his eyes just beginning to emerge. Before she could see them deepen, his gaze broke contact with hers, following the path of her body once more. Anna felt coy and triumphant all at once, and grinned when she saw his look linger at her ankles, the edge of her coat covering them almost completely.

"Something wrong?" she asked brightly, but keeping her voice low.

John shook his head very lightly, bringing his hand up to brush his chin.

"Not that I'm complaining, but I was rather looking forward to being the first to see this wonderful dress of yours."

Anna chuckled, turning just slightly to make the full-length coat swirl at her heels, swaying her hips just a little purposely as she did so.

"It's a surprise," she teased, her tone full of mischief. "You'll have to wait just a little longer. And use your imagination in the meantime."

"I've been doing nothing but on the way here."

His irises flashed dark towards her and she felt her skin prickle. In the next moment, his smile turned soft and warm again and her head stopped whirling, the world around her beginning to rotate at its normal speed. She took a steadying breath, and smirked.

"It won't be long, I promise."

"I can live with that," John replied, smoothing his palms over the wool of his overcoat. "It's probably a good thing, really. I'm not sure I'm quite prepared for how bowled over I'm going to be."

She shook her head at his whispered words, sending ringlets of her hair bouncing against her shoulders.

"Ready to go?"

Anna took another deep breath, holding her bag pressed against her figure, curling her fingers against the sleeves of her coat.

"As ready as I'll ever be."

"It'll be fine.  _You'll_  be fine." The sincerity of his smile put her at ease, making her feel a little less petrified, the sureness of his voice enveloping and soothing her. "Just enjoy it. It's going to be a good night."

She smiled up at him, loving how his eyes shined so openly towards her, showering her in affection. It was going to be a good night; much better than that, she already knew that much.

"Your carriage awaits," he leant to whisper in the shell of her ear, and the shivers careened all over her again. "Well, your cab, at least. But if you tilt your head, and squint…"

She laughed, tapping the back of a hand lightly against his covered shoulder. A hearty chortle sounded from the back of his throat and he touched his own hand gently, almost imperceptibly, to the small of her back as he guided her down the driveway.

When they got to the curb, he removed his hand to hold open the cab door for her, offering to take her bag with his other proffered hand. Anna smiled graciously at him, the moonlight making her features glow beautifully before she climbed carefully into the compartment. He followed soon after, leaning over to give the driver the address, so assured and confident, and then settling into the seat next to her, his long legs stretching out across the floor of the cab. Anna swallowed hard as her eyes drifted across them, her hands clasping tight together in her lap. They were already clammy before the cab set off and as it rode down the streets, not going at a very fast pace, she could feel and hear her heart thundering against her chest and in the temples of her head. The cloying, sickening sensation of anxiety was winding its way upwards, clamping itself like an iron vice upon her. She startled as the cab's wheels jumped over a speed bump, one hand clutching to the hem of her coat, the other gripping the edge of the leather seat.

She slowly stole a glance to her right, to the solidness of his figure sitting next to her, only a little bit of space between them. Looking out of the window so casually, completely unfazed, he was her parallel. She had to admit, she felt better just observing his composure, and the smallest of half-smiles showed signs of appearing on her face. He had been looking forward to this evening so much, probably more than she had, and he would be beyond disappointed if she announced that she'd changed her mind, that she'd rather not go. She imagined the expression that would form when she said the words to him a hundred times over in her head. However, in all the pictures she envisioned, she didn't see a hint of sadness or frustration in a single one; only a sympathetic nod and smile, a tender grasp of her fingers in his, eyes sparkling with the deepest understanding.

Realising that her eyes were upon him, Anna watched John turning round, shifting a little against the seat to come face to face with her once more. He wore the same smile that she knew from her daydreams, appearing even more assuring and enchanting in reality. The amber streetlights peeked through the window, bathing his features in their gold. He gave a little nod of his head towards her, a silent question to ask if she was alright. Anna understood implicitly, and bobbed her head in response. He smiled wide, keeping his gaze fixed upon her for a few moments before he returned to staring out of the window. A little wave sunk in her stomach as his eyes left her, and she felt a chill began to itch at her toes as she focused straight ahead.

She didn't feel it for long. A surge of warmth burst upon her, planting firmly in the centre of her chest and tingling at the tips of her fingers as his large hand covered her dainty one completely, resting on the patch of leather that was left between them. It remained planted there for the rest of the journey, his thumb occasionally sweeping over her skin, keeping the comfort and the connection between them. All Anna could do was smile.

She was still smiling, albeit a touch uncertainly, as they arrived at the restaurant. John held his hand out to help her out of the cab and she let go a little too soon once they were both out. She looked up at the sign set outside, the soft low light emanating from the windows and behind the door, and took a slow, deep breath. She was still holding it when he came back to her side having paid the driver.

"You've no need to be nervous, you know." His soft voice filled the air, filled her head. "We're all on your side here. And those who don't know you yet soon will be. I mean, this is all down to you."

Though he did nothing but mean well, those last words sent a fresh jolt of panic soaring in her. She gritted her teeth, looking as outwardly collected as it was possible for her to be.

"I don't know, I just don't like being the centre of attention." She shifted a little on her soles, brimming with nervous energy. "I never have done."

"You could have fooled me."

He let out a little chuckle as she eyed him, the corners of her mouth quirking only a little. She stared ahead at the awaiting restaurant once more and pursed her lips, exhaling slowly.

"Anna."

His speaking of her name brought her back to earth.

"It's okay. I'm here. I won't leave your side for a second all night, if that's what will get you through."

Reaching out, his hand sought hers softly, the tips of his fingers stroking the sides of hers ever so gently before his touch became more certain and he twined their hands together. Anna curled her fingers instinctively, pressing her palm closer to his. She could feel his pulse racing against her own as they collided carefully and it seemed to be going faster than hers was at this moment. The rhythm soothed her, and knowing she was having that effect on him made her thrill. Glancing up to his height, she gave his hand a squeeze and smiled.

"Well, Mr Bates, I hope you know there's a good possibility I might not let you go."

* * *

The first thing that struck her on being inside was the warmth of the place, adding to the slightly unseasonal sultriness, most likely filtering through from the kitchens. The second was Cora appearing in front of her, all of her boundless energy barely contained in her wide smile and outstretched arms.

"Anna!" she shrieked, wrapping her into a hug, pulling back when she was aware she might have been being too much. "It's so wonderful to have you here. We couldn't very well start proceedings without you. You look lovely."

Anna smiled humbly and coloured, already overwhelmed with the flattery.

"Thanks, Cora. So do you."

Cora waved a hand out. "Oh, this old thing. I'm sure I had it when the girls were little."

Anna laughed a little nervously, her fingers dancing upon the handle of her clutch. She noticed a blonde woman standing at Cora's back, with a taller, fair-haired man at her side.

"Speaking of which, I'd like to introduce you to our daughter, Edith, and her fiancé, Anthony."

Anna stepped forward and was greeted warmly by Edith, who gave her a much more restrained, gentle embrace.

"It's so nice to finally meet you, Anna. Mama and Papa have said so much about you."

"Good things, I hope."

Edith simply smiled as she stepped back on her heels and allowed Anthony to move forward, stretching his hand out to give Anna a firm but slightly staid handshake.

"I'm sorry the other girls couldn't be here," Cora announced. "Mary's holidaying with her granny and Sybil's still off gallivanting on the other side of the world. But we're hoping they'll be back for the official opening."

Anna nodded silently, glancing over at John who was still at her side and flashed a smile at her. She returned it at once, not conscious at that moment of anybody else in the room.

"Robert, come on, stop faffing around in the kitchen," Cora shouted, and it wasn't long before he was dutifully at his wife's side.

"Anna, my saving grace. So glad you could make it."

Robert bent forward to give her a friendly peck on the cheek, and then moved to pat John on the shoulder.

"John, my good man. Where would I be without you?"

"You'd probably get by."

Robert extended a hand to offer John a hearty handshake and it wasn't until John made a move to reciprocate the action that they became aware that his hand had found its way back to hers again, and their fingers were laced tightly together. Their eyes locked for a second, acknowledging to themselves, and both let go of the other's grasp instantaneously. Anna cast her eyes to the side as John shook his friend's hand, still sensing his touch upon the length of her fingers. When she looked back again, she saw a telling little look twinkling in Cora's gaze, and felt herself grow hotter.

Before she had time to think more deeply, Cora clapped her hands together.

"Well, now everybody's here, we should get things underway!"

She made to scoot off into the room, leaving Anna and John standing a little lost, until she turned back again suddenly, gasping.

"Oh, you're still in your coats! Please, make yourselves at home."

John moved around to Anna's back, stretching his hands out towards her shoulders.

"Let me," he said, low enough to be heard by Anna's ears alone.

She skipped forward a little on the toes of her shoes, walking out of the waiting circle of his arms purposely.

"It's fine," she announced softly, turning her head over her shoulder just enough to catch sight of his gaze. He looked adorably confused, and Anna felt a little pang of guilt for turning down his gentlemanly advances, but she had a very good reason for doing so. It had been something she had been looking forward to all evening, and she wanted to make sure that she would be able to see his face when she removed her coat.

Deliberately slowly, she undid the buttons, eased her arms from the sleeves and shook her body from the covering, revealing herself in her splendour. Her shoulders hunched up slightly, feeling a sudden chill on her newly exposed skin and a slight apprehension. However, that fell away when she cast her gaze upwards again, and she couldn't stop the smile from easing upon her lips. The display had certainly had its desired effect.

She turned herself round a little, unable to miss the fact that John's eyes had widened a considerable degree in his head, and his mouth was hanging agape, despite his best efforts to control himself. She giggled to herself, arching her shoulders and sending the shimmering gold dress rippling across her back, floating at her heels. His jaw was still dropped near enough against his chest as she swept over the floor, handing the coat into Cora's offered hands.

"Bloody hell," Robert muttered, and then yelped as Cora dug an elbow sharply into his ribs.

"I'll just hang these up, and then show you the seating plan." Cora's voice drifted as she disappeared into the restaurant, the others following in her wake. Anna and John lingered by the entrance for a few moments, Anna revelling privately in John's admiring gaze, hot upon every inch of her skin.

"So, what do you think?" she uttered coquettishly, her fingers playing at the curve of one shoulder, adjusting the fabric slightly. She could have laughed out loud when she noticed that his eyes were immediately riveted to the spot where they were held. "Is it too much?"

"It's…it's…wow," he managed to breath, his gaze drifting up to meet hers after a few seconds, still held utterly entranced. "I truly believe I am lost for words."

Anna couldn't hold back her giggles. "Well, that's good."

John's eyes roamed upon the curve of her cheek, the pinkness of her rosebud lips. He lowered his head so that it was almost nestling in the crook of her neck.

"Anna, you are stunning. Completely amazing. There really are no words."

His whispers fell softly upon the skin at her ear, sending goosepimples springing up in an instant and she could smell his clean, slightly aftershaved scent.

"I just can't believe that I should be the one to be with you tonight."

His words were sincere and they made her buzz with happiness, yet she still detected a hint of sadness there. She reached to take his hand once more.

"Believe," she said, her voice soft and full of conviction. Her fingers caressed and then gently squeezed his and she smiled before she made to turn into the room. There was a tug upon her hand, still entwined with his, and she let herself be led back by him for a moment. She beamed up at him happily.

"What was it you said about not wanting to let go of me?" he uttered, dark eyes dancing all over her. "Now I'm not sure if I'll be able to let go of you."

Anna smirked, loving the cheeky look in his eyes, feeling herself melt inside. One by one, very slowly, she uncurled her fingers from his.

"You'll manage."

She fluttered her eyelashes up towards him, giggling before she sashayed away into the room. She didn't have to glance back to know that he was shaking his head amusedly and watching her adoringly.

* * *

Much to their chagrin, they spent most of the night apart, a fact which was mostly to do with their politeness in the company of others. Thankfully, Cora had seated them together at dinner and they managed to make their meal rather leisurely, stopping every now and then to share looks and brush hands as well as soak up the conversation around them. Everything felt so very natural between them that they hadn't realised that they'd brought their locked hands up to rest on the tabletop together, filling the space between their plates. Anna hadn't noticed that towards the end of the meal she had leant her head against John's shoulder, her hair nuzzling at the crook of his neck and tickling him slightly as she shuddered with laughter, her fingers falling just above his left knee. If anyone else had been surprised at their subconscious displays of affection, they hadn't shown it, taking it simply as par for the course.

The night had rolled on, and now Anna was sitting at the side of Cora, chatting and simply glancing around at the atmosphere about them. John and Robert were seated not too far away in front of them, having a bit of boys' time and catching up with a couple of acquaintances from university who neither had seen for a while, roars of shouts and laughter striking up every so often. Both Anna and Cora laughed too, softly, shaking their heads at the display. Anna got a little distracted by the way John's hands were flailing around in the air as he talked intently about something and had to smile at the action, now so known to her.

"You have done so brilliantly with the place, Anna." Cora's voice intruded on her thoughts. "When Robert brought me in to show me everything, I was astounded."

Anna shrugged, lifting her wine glass. "Oh, I was just bossing people about, mainly. I really can't take the credit," she insisted.

"You British are too modest. You should make a bit of song and dance about it all. I know very well that if it wasn't for you, Robert still would have been procrastinating two years down the line, and we'd be burdened with an empty shell of a place." She laughed almost as loudly as the boys had done, and then turned to smile warmly at Anna, her eyes sparkling. "We're lucky that John met you."

Anna didn't know quite how to react to that, turning the possibility over in her mind. Though it was all hung on a split second, she couldn't even imagine how things would have gone if she hadn't caught the train that day.

As her thoughts drifted, her eyes moved across the room to glimpse the table where Edith and Anthony were sitting, huddled close to one another. They'd been lovely, but quite quiet all night, only seeming really comfortable in each other's company. As he leaned a little closer to whisper something in her ear, Anna noticed the smile erupt onto Edith's face, much bigger than the polite smiles she'd given all evening. Her hand stroked lovingly at his shoulder, the engagement ring gleaming upon her finger. The sight warmed Anna's heart completely.

"Edith and Anthony are very cute together." She couldn't stop the observation from going unsaid.

Cora smiled, looking towards her middle daughter and her fiancé.

"They're kindred spirits," she replied. "Soulmates, really. I used to worry terribly about Edith. She was so quiet, and always overshadowed by her sisters growing up. I was so anxious that perhaps she wouldn't find happiness." She sighed, swiping a hand momentarily over her mouth. "But then there was Anthony."

Anna saw that Cora was so proud, so relieved, her eyes softened as she gazed at the pair of lovebirds, and it was such a delightful thing to see a mother so happy with her daughter's choice.

"Of course, Robert wasn't overjoyed when Edith announced that she was in 'love' with Anthony. He and Robert used to be at school together, and saw each other occasionally. Robert knew that his wife had died a few years before that, quite young. Truth be told, I didn't think too much of it at the time. Edith had just turned eighteen and I suspected it was just a silly crush, that she was getting fed up of Mary and Sybil getting the attention. But she insisted she was serious, and there were quite a few tears when Robert said he forbade anything to happen."

Cora chuckled at the memory, fiddling with her wedding ring.

"But Anthony, to his credit, was a complete gentleman. I remember that he came over to the house and told us that he quite agreed, that Edith was too young and should listen to us. I can still see her glowing bright red, trying to argue her point, and it was that day that I knew how much he really did care about her. The way he looked at her with such obvious love, well, a mother can't mistake that. Nobody can when two people are in love with each other."

She paused for a moment to turn to Anna and smiled a knowing smile.

"When Edith had stormed off in tears, he assured us that he would not do anything to make us ill at ease. He stayed away. My heart broke for Edith, until one day, a letter arrived. I could tell it was good news when she sat reading it, the smile nearly splitting her face. It was from Anthony, and she later confided in me that he told her that he would wait, wait until she was a little older and everything was far more settled. He said that he expected someone else would come along to take her fancy in the meantime, but they never did. Anthony was her first boyfriend, and they've been together five years now. They got engaged last year and I've never seen her more excited than she is planning the wedding."

Cora beamed fondly, her eyes a tiny bit misty.

"I think of all of them, Edith was born to be a bride."

"That's so sweet," Anna cooed, watching Edith flush and giggle as she held on tight to Anthony's right arm, craning herself over to kiss him sweetly on the cheek. A blushing bride-to-be. In all the time she had been engaged, she was certain she had never looked quite so content as Edith did. It was only in the last couple of months that she'd felt anything like the bliss she was witnessing at the other side of the room, and the realisation hit her not so much as a bolt out of the blue, but as a deepening, comforting warmth spreading throughout her.

"I know people do wonder, when they look at them together," Cora said. "I mean, I suppose it is obvious, that he's quite a bit older than her."

Though she didn't show it on her face, there was a touch of concern in the mother's voice. Anna rested her chin on her palm, keeping her gaze on the couple for a while and then turning to look at Cora.

"But what should that matter?" Anna questioned honestly. "Age is just a number, it doesn't say anything about the person. Anyone can see that they're in love, and that's the main thing in any case."

Cora smiled wide as she followed Anna's gaze a little closer, knowing exactly where it would fall.

"You know, I haven't seen John so happy in years," Cora confided in a low voice, shuffling a bit nearer to where Anna sat. "It's like he's been a different person since he met you. Something's just glowing from inside him."

Anna was aware her eyes had become riveted to where John was sitting, the dip of his neck arched and his head thrown back in hysterics as a particularly hilarious anecdote had been shared. He looked so good when he laughed so openly, everything about him seeming to shine. Saying that, he always looked good. She was admiring the strong line of his back as it was slightly curving over his seat when his eyes looked to the side for a moment, and caught her own. Anna had to catch her breath when he smiled such a genuine and affectionate smile at her, a smile that lit up his whole face and made her tingle from head to toe. He lingered in her direction for a while, and she thought he might have been mouthing something to her, until someone tapped his arm and they both returned from the snatched moment.

"I'm sure you must know that he talks about you all the time."

Anna blushed, a little worried. "Oh dear. I hope whatever he says isn't embarrassing."

Cora chortled. "Not at all. He can't speak highly enough of you."

A further glow burrowed its way in her insides, and Cora must have seen it radiating outwardly.

"You've done wonders for him, Anna. You really have."

Taking another look over, Anna grinned, basking in the warmth that just one look of his set charging over her.

"And he's done wonders for me."

* * *

Anna leaned lightly against the cool glass of the restaurant's front window, her coat draped over her shoulders as she gazed unseeing into the night. She was feeling just a touch giddy, probably from the wine she'd drunk most of the night. Cora really had pulled out all the stops and produced bottle after bottle of some grand stuff. She'd had to decline on the last round, wanting to keep a relatively clear head, and had instead stepped outside for a bit with the intention of getting five minutes or so to herself. She'd been there twice as long now and she reckoned that she should make a move, go and thank Cora and Robert for their hospitality and a truly lovely night, but the night air was so soothing upon her heated skin and even propped up slightly awkwardly against the window, she really was quite comfortable and content. The whole evening had made her very content indeed. Closing her eyes for a moment, a lazy smile fell upon her lips as she played everything over in her head.

"Ah, this is where you've got to, then."

The smile widened on her face as she heard John's voice not very far away at all. She opened her eyes deliberately slowly, savouring seeing every bit of his figure form gradually in her vision. She held a hand flat against the pane, steadying herself on her heels.

"Yes, I'm right here. No need to worry," she purred, her body leaning a little closer to him as she balanced herself against the glass. For a minute it looked as if she might precariously topple as she shifted her weight onto her other foot, and he rushed his hands out to catch her, but she recovered in a split second. One of his hands still landed softly upon the arm of her coat, sweeping a little bit of fluff free from it.

He smiled another brilliant smile at her. "So, how's it all been? Utterly terrifying?"

She sniggered, a stray curl fluttering against her cheek as she shook her head.

"Not as half as bad as I thought," she replied. "Once I got the first ten minutes or so out the way, it was fine." Smoothing down her dress underneath her coat, she looked down at her feet for a moment. "Although I'm not really sure I bypassed the whole centre-of-attention thing very well."

"Is it any wonder, looking like that?" he asked softly, and she felt herself burn again with the slightest of his glances. She gazed up to find a smile filling the width of his face, one that mirrored the utterly sincere look in his eyes, a look that spoke of something other than mere lustful appreciation. "I couldn't take my eyes from you all evening."

Anna shrank slightly, still smiling openly under his gaze. "I don't think you were the only one," she said, raising her eyebrows while John laughed.

"I suspect Cora gave Rob what for," he chuckled. "She's got a good aim, he's still in there complaining that his ribs are sore. I just think he's been a bit greedy with the food."

They both shared a cheerful laugh that echoed in the quiet street. Anna's coat had begun to slip from her shoulders as her body shook with laughter and before she could tuck it back round herself, John's hand had snaked upwards, delicately adjusting the garment. His fingers brushed under her hair, touching just gently at the base of her neck and she let out a little sigh, sinking beneath his fingertips. Her skin was burning at the spot he held her.

John averted his eyes for a second, gulping hard as he looked down at the pavement. Anna followed the path of his gaze, unable to tear herself away, finding that any second she didn't look upon him felt like an eternity.

"I fear that this is going to make me sound very silly," he piped up after a few moments, raising his face to meet hers again.

"Go on," she assured, touching her own hand gently to his forearm, seeing him tremble just a little as she began to sweep her fingers back and forth. "It won't be."

His lips quirked upwards at her motions, which gave him the courage to go on.

"Tonight, even though I knew you were in the same room, whenever you weren't next to me, something didn't feel quite right. It felt as if a bit of me was missing."

He looked at her sheepishly, his cheeks turning a little pink. Anna's hand travelled down to clutch his, and with every second she held onto him, she melted a bit more.

"But all the while, I was thinking it was just as well that you weren't by my side all the time. Because I don't think I would have been able to contain myself."

His eyes darkened again now, even in the shadows, and Anna thought she may as well have been on fire for the heat that was shooting and surging in her veins.

John took a breath, and glided his hand reverently over hers where they were joined.

"Anna, I can't stop thinking about you. You do something to me…well, you do so many things to me."

She couldn't help but grin at what he said, her eyes lighting up, their blue a shot of bright light against the black of the night.

He seemed to falter just a little, and for a second, she felt incredibly fearful.

"Please don't think it's only because of the way you look tonight. I mean, you look incredible, of course you do, but that's just a bit of it."

His fingers fumbled for a moment against hers; she felt them shudder and she was certain she had never known a man so remarkably sweet and sincere. Perhaps she hadn't wanted to fully admit it to herself until this very minute but she was falling for him, growing more helpless by the second.

"It runs far deeper than that, and you have to know. It'll drive me mad otherwise."

His voice was just above a whisper, and she was drowning in the sound, drowning in the depths of his eyes.

"You have bewitched me, Anna. And I realise now that I never knew something was missing in my life, until there was you."

She had to gulp against the lump gathering in her throat, her eyes shimmering as he covered her one hand with both of his in the moonlight, his strong but gentle touch seeming to become her completely. She couldn't find the words to say for a few minutes, and his face grew a little concerned.

"You must tell me if I'm being a sentimental old fool."

Anna beamed at him, her fingers fluttering underneath his.

"Of course you're not," she managed to say sincerely. Truth be told, she was still a little overwhelmed by what he said, in the best way possible, and was letting it sink in. Held captive by his eyes, she smiled as the perfect reply came to her.

"All night I've had people say how well I've done with the restaurant, pulling it all together."

She rose her free hand up, running the tips of her fingers so lightly up from where the first button of his suit jacket was closed, onto his shirt and along the silk of his tie. She licked her lips consciously before she went on speaking.

"You were even saying it yourself when you picked me up. But I hope you know that, really, it's all down to  _you_."

She stole a glance upwards as her fingers began to fiddle just a little with the knot of his tie, caressing the silk with her fingers. He was biting his bottom lip ever so slightly and Anna felt a flash of heat spark in her stomach. She kept her eyes on him, smiling all the while.

"I don't even want to think of where I'd be if I hadn't met you. I know I wouldn't be feeling this good. I certainly wouldn't be feeling this way."

The moment had grew so intense between them that she had to break contact for a second, coming to terms with her emotions as she spoke them so candidly.

"I can say that in those ten years, I didn't feel anywhere near what I have been these last few weeks." It was completely the truth. "I thought I knew love, convinced myself I did." Her hands were dangerously close to trailing up to his cheek, his jaw, the curve of his lips. "But what I thought it was, it was nothing like… _this_."

Had she said she loved him? She wasn't entirely sure. The way he was looking at her and the fact that his hands had now moved to brace her hips filled her mind with a haze. The only thing she felt confident about doing was smiling at him, and she only did that for a few seconds before he had smothered her smile in a kiss so incredibly sweet that it actually made her ache. As his lips moved tenderly against hers, his hands travelled up again to cup either side of her face and every part of her shivered as his fingers stroked her skin softly, lovingly, a couple of them tangling carefully in her hair. Though the kiss had been quite chaste, it still left them both breathless as they broke apart.

Her smile had been imprinted upon him as he looked at her dreamily.

"I've been longing to do that all night," he grinned, unable to swipe the expression from his face.

Anna looked exactly the same. "Me too."

She stroked a hand against his cheek, the softness of his skin and roughness of the dots of stubble the perfect contrast underneath her fingertips. His hands were moving down her back, one trailing back and forth as the other cupped her hipbone. From under her lashes, her eyes roamed over every curve of his face.

"I don't think just one will do."

She craned herself up, clinging onto his shoulders, desperate for their lips to meet again. He fulfilled her wish instantly with a series of kisses, starting off gentle and sweet but soon turning passionate, teeming with each of their restrained emotions as they deepened.

Anna ran her tongue over her slightly swollen bottom lip, tasting and tracing where John's had been just seconds before.

"I don't want to go home," she uttered in a sweet, slightly pleading voice.

John smiled, the memory of her kisses still fresh upon his mouth.

"It has been a wonderful night."

She giggled, seeming almost brazen as she looked up at him, finding it so very sweet but also impossible that he could miss her meaning.

"I didn't mean it quite like that." She took his hand, running first her fingers and then her lips over his knuckles. "I meant, I don't want to go back to mine."

His eyes widened slightly as he understood.

"Oh," he breathed almost inaudibly, realisation dawning on him. He hissed as her tongue ran a circle over one of his knuckles. He probably didn't need to ask, but he did so anyway. "Are you sure? I don't want to rush you, Anna. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable in any way."

His sweetness made her want to cry with love for him, and scream out in frustration simultaneously. Instead, she spoke in hushed words.

"I've never been so sure of something in so long," she uttered, her eyes piercing into his. "Please, John."

The look in his eyes spoke volumes, and he bent to kiss her softly, pulling her closer against him for a few moments before he ducked inside, saying the goodbyes for both of them. When he came back out, he circled her hand tight within his, leading her steps into the street as he hailed a cab. She gasped, looking up at him while he held open the door for her to climb inside, watching him carefully as he sat beside her and spoke his address to the driver. The sound made sparks explode within her.

As the cab pulled away from the curb, weaving down the road, Anna looked out of the window, shuddering slightly to feel his hand cover over hers on the seat once more. Her heart hammered wildly in her chest, every beat like the bang of a drum. This time, it was for another reason entirely.


	10. Chapter 10

The cab journey was absolute, sweet torture. From the moment they had climbed into the back, Anna had been itching to lean herself over the leather that was pressing warm through the layers of her coat and dress, take his face in her hands and kiss him senseless. The urge had been so keen building in her that she could actually feel it sparking and prickling over her skin. She supposed she could have been able to kiss him, the compartment being dark and relatively sheltered with the driver not seeming to notice anything but the road ahead, but a large part of her knew that if she did so much as brush against his lips she wouldn't have been able to keep control. She didn't trust herself not to ravish him right there on the seat, and she was a little shocked at her wild imaginings. She had certainly not felt this level of desire in her whole life. Her nails dug into the edge of the seat as the cab turned another corner and she swallowed the air, her breath nearly hitching in her throat. Her heart was pounding in her chest, getting increasingly impatient and slightly irrational. She had to calm herself down.

Aware of her restlessness, Anna felt the pad of John's thumb sweep slowly, gently, over her hand, massaging her knuckles one by one. Her eyes fluttered shut and her mouth hung open just a little.  _Oh god, this was only making it worse. But in the best way possible._  She took in a silent breath as her eyes opened again, her head instinctively craning round. Immediately she was met with his gaze fixed upon her, his soft and sweet smile. A rush of emotion overwhelmed her.

She looked down for a moment at the span of his hand, protective over hers. She marvelled at it, so large, enveloping hers totally. It looked as if it was built to work, to craft, to do so many utterly masculine things. And yet, he always held her own hand so very delicately. She was concentrating so hard on the motion of his fingers that she started just a little when he laced them in the spaces between hers and lifted their hands from the seat, turning them so her palm faced upwards. Time seemed to stand still as he guided her hand across to him and, so soft she was barely able to register it, placed his lips in the centre of her palm. Electricity rifled through her. He lifted his eyes to look at her from underneath his brows and her heart skipped several beats when she saw what was held there. It was subtle, still mixed with his achingly sweet look of adoration, but it was unmistakable. The darkening of his irises that told her that his desire was deepening, was matching her own. The look that told her that he wanted her, so very much.

She wasn't really sure how her feet carried her, everything seeming a daze to her at this moment in time, but they had, and now they were both standing on the pavement just outside his house.

Anna stared at him, a dreamlike haze fallen over her face. Inside her head, she willed for the ticking engine of the cab to swiftly drive away. She couldn't imagine what was taking the driver so long. John's eyes glinted at her in the moonlight and on the very second that she heard wheels tread the road, she threw her body forward, pouncing on him.

Her lips were hungry on his, her tongue plundering his mouth as her hands scrambled across the expanse of his back. She ached for more contact, even as she continued to kiss him, the initial frenzy easing into deeply passionate ardour. She had imagined that once their lips had met that it would be enough to quell her need, for the very moment at least, but if anything it only intensified. As her mouth kept working against his, Anna felt John's strong hands trail down her sides, coming to grasp her waist and steady her, bringing her closer into his embrace. The heat of his body, apparent to her even through all of his clothes, sent her falling further.

He ran his fingers smoothly across one side of her waist as the torrent of kisses came to a conclusion, his eyes heavy and a little dazed.

"I think it's probably best if we go inside," he whispered against his cheek, his breath ragged. "Mrs Berry next door might keel over if she happens to peek out of her curtains."

Even in the pitch dark, Anna's face reddened. Keeping her hold on him, she stole a glance over the fence towards the next house, though she couldn't make anything out. Turning back to see his roguish grin pointed at her, she broke into hushed giggles which were punctuated with soft sighs as his hand moved gently up and down her spine.

She clasped his hand, walking close behind him as he prised the gate open quietly. He had to let go of her when he delved into his pocket to find the key, but no sooner had he located it were his fingers back twined with hers again, staying there as he pushed open the door.

Anna's feet were rooted to a small spot as he secured the door shut behind them and then flicked on the switch to fill the hallway with a soft, gradual light. Hearing him shuffle around at her back, relieving himself of his coat, she couldn't stop her eyes from wandering about the place in fascination, trying to take everything in at once. Why she should be quite so enthralled, it wasn't clear. It was just a regular house, in a suburb of the city, like so many she had found herself in before. But it was  _his_ house, his home. As that simple fact occurred to her once more, a thousand tingles swirled inside of her, making her feel as if she were treading on air even as her feet were planted firmly to the floor, not having moved an inch.

She felt his breath tickle lightly against the hair that covered her neck and shivered to sense him so close to her again. She twisted a little at the hips to be able to see his face. Her knees were at risk of buckling when she found him looking at her, so earnestly. His arms were held out either side of her, hands hovering in the air beside her. It was utterly tantalising; if she angled herself just a little, she would be able to melt into his touch.

"May I…?" he uttered softly, his fingers barely bracing the velvet sleeves of her coat.

She smiled and nodded, letting him slip the garment from her shoulders. As she felt the warm air of the house hit her skin, she curled herself slightly, scrunching a hand in the curls at the tips of her hair as they were shaken free. All of a sudden and for some unknown reason, she was struck with shyness. Her cheeks were simmering with heat.

Rubbing the tips of her fingers against her now bare arm, she gazed up at the staircase a little to the left of her. Closing her eyes for a moment, she attuned herself to the surroundings. She inhaled then exhaled slowly, and felt instantly soothed. There were several different scents hanging in the air, but all of them in their combination were completely and reliably John. A light smile spread across her lips upon the sudden invasion of her senses. He was all around her, wrapping her up, as he had done for so long. But then, it had all existed most vividly in her mind. It was only now that she was truly on the verge of letting herself be consumed by him.

Her eyes flew open with the delightful shock of her realisation, and the first thing she saw was his face in front of hers. She filled up with emotion as she noticed his look of utter concern.

"Is everything okay? Are you okay?" he said, his voice calm and measured even though his eyes were roaming her features restlessly. He must have taken the sudden flutter of her eyelids, the flash in her irises, for trepidation, fear, cold feet about everything.

Anna smiled, the words rolling from her tongue lazily.

"Yes. I'm perfectly fine." She inched herself closer to him, taking a sure step forward. "I'm quite sure I couldn't be better."

He glanced down at the floor for a second, Anna still able to see that his eyes were relieved and smiling. Letting out a little breath, he moved closer to meet her, the tips of their shoes almost touching. That gentle touch was there again, and Anna held her breath as he delicately wrapped his fingers around her hand.

"You know, I won't mind if you say you'd rather go home. I'll see you back there if that's what you want."

The tips of his fingers were dancing over her skin, and Anna shook her head gently, unable to believe what she was hearing.

"And if you do want to stay, you should know that we don't have to."

He sighed, looking down at his thumb tracing over the circle of her curled hand and then gazed up at her, deep into her eyes.

"I don't expect anything from you, Anna. You need to know that."

She flexed her hand against his, dragging her nails softly over his palm. The action made him shudder and he let out a tiny groan as their eyes remained locked, searching each other. She shuffled herself, drawing even closer until there was only the faintest breath between them.

"I know you don't, but I've told you," she breathed huskily, arching herself just a little on her tiptoes. "There's nothing I want more. There's nothing that feels more right to me than this."

Her eyes fluttered, the passion within them so clear. She squeezed her fingers against his softly, her lips smiling before they parted lusciously. Her other hand brushed against the base of his spine, inching dangerously close to his rear.

"I don't want to go," she whispered, her breath hot against his cheek as she leaned further. "I want to stay right here with you. All night." She barely breathed her last two words, and lengthened them deliciously in her mouth.

It seemed to release something in him, as his hands braced the flare of her hips, fingers stretching around to her back. Before there was any time for second thoughts, his mouth had crashed upon hers, capturing her in a dizzying, mind-blowing kiss. He pulled her flush to him and she could already feel each synapse and nerve react to the caresses of his lips, her mouth opening to let his tongue ease in, meeting hers in slow strokes that made every bit of her quiver.

She loved the look in his eyes, the embers fading and then reigniting, as he gazed her at longingly. During it all, their palms had become pressed together again. A sigh escaped Anna as she opened her mouth again to speak, if she were able to find the words.

"Take me upstairs, John."

He smiled, curling his fingers around hers, lifting their hands to leave the imprint of a kiss upon her skin before he led the way, with careful steps, up the staircase. Anna took in a deep breath to ward off the fuzziness that was threatening to shut her mind and body down. There was no going back now. They were on the verge, indeed.

* * *

John closed the door with a quiet click, the very faint beams spilling under the curtains the only light in the room. Anna turned her gaze into the room, her toes wiggling against the rug, soft beneath her bare feet. She let out a breath, unable to keep her eyes from him for much longer. Hesitating for just a second, she glimpsed over her shoulder and bit the curl of her lips when she saw John leaning against the door, his gaze appreciatively running the length of her. She smiled as she turned fully, her legs crossing at the ankle underneath her dress, her toes swirling patterns across the rug. She couldn't resist her own eyes from searching along his body, his broad torso, his endless legs. Just looking at him made her stomach tighten and a burning start up a touch lower. She was desperate to run her hands all over him, slowly, teasingly, leaving no place untouched.

Her fantasies were already beginning to run away with her as she followed his movements into the room, his legs striding towards her, his eyes smouldering darkly as they remained set on her, going straight to her very soul. She could feel the heat coming from him, flames licking at her edges, and with each step he took closer, she surrendered to him a little more. He held out his hand into the space between their bodies which was rapidly lessening, and she clasped it without thinking.

"Come here," John uttered in a low growl, and a smirk rose on her face as he tugged on her hand that was held in his, pulling her to him. She sighed upon the renewed contact, his other arm draping tenderly across her back and guiding her ever closer.

He turned them around in the room so that she was the one being bathed in the soft moonlight that was straining against the curtains, the silver light framing her face. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze before he let it fall. She glanced up at him, as he brought the hand he had released up to trail the curve of her cheek softly. Anna purred a little, nuzzling her face into his palm as his fingers kept caressing her, the lightness of his strokes upon her skin becoming more intent as his eyes guided over her features. His touch was utterly wondrous. When she found the space in her head to grasp at thought, she reasoned that she would be quite content to spend the rest of her life beneath his fingertips, letting him revive and enliven her.

As his fingers danced over her skin, he sighed.

"Anna." Her name left his lips like a hymn as his gaze roamed her. "You are gorgeous. All of you."

His other hand travelled up the curve of her back, swept around to caress her jaw on the other side of her face. He cupped her other cheek with as much tenderness, his touch so delicate as if he believed she were some precious jewel at risk of shattering with a grasp too strong. She inhaled as his thumb drew little circles on the skin there.

Still caressing her all the while, he lifted his head, his breath fluttering on the crown of hers. She thought she heard him whisper something very faintly, something that sounded like ' _I don't deserve…'_ until it drifted away and he pressed a kiss on the top of her hair. She almost didn't feel it, it was so light, and she made to crane herself upwards but then his lips trailed lower, kissing her forehead. He dotted butterfly kisses there, bending to place one gentle kiss at the bridge of her nose which made her tingle from head to toe. He guided his lips back up again, parting them to leave a warm, slightly open-mouthed kiss in the centre of her forehead, and Anna juddered lightly against him.

She looked up at him, sucking in a breath as he pulled back again. Her arms rested firm against his chest which was rising and falling steadily. She felt the rhythm of his heartbeat thundering beneath her fingertips and she pressed her hand a little more firmly there, keen to absorb the beats so that they could become embedded in her fingerprints. The smile grew on her lips as he raked a hand gently through her scalp, pushing the hair off her face. Her eyes were looking into his, so deep and dark and entrancing. The pull of attraction led her gaze lower to trace the curve of his lips, which were just as captivating. She flickered hazily between his eyes and lips until he read her need unmistakeably.

In the next second, they were wrapped in a kiss, their arms wrapping around each other urgently. While their hands were frantic, grasping fistfuls of clothing in their desire, their lips worked at a completely different pace, going slowly, savouring the kiss as it grew deeper and more languid, making them lose themselves in one another. Anna's nimble fingers had managed to shrug off John's jacket and were working skilfully at the knot of his tie while they continued to kiss each other deeply. John's hands had glided down the curve of her spine and grabbed at her bottom, cupping it firmly. Anna's shoulders jumped a little as she went closer to him, and she couldn't stop herself from letting out a little muffled laugh.

His lips reluctantly left hers, and a half-puzzled, half-amused expression snuck up onto his face.

"What is it?"

Anna shifted her feet lightly, her hands still grasping onto his shirt, which had been pulled from his trousers. "Nothing," she smirked. "I just realised that I'm in your bedroom."

"You've only just noticed?" He said, chuckling breathily, his chest vibrating against her fingers. They stood for a minute or so, laughing like teenagers who were embarking on a secret encounter. He stroked a hand at the small of her back. "It's been a good while since I've had anyone in this room, I can tell you."

Anna pulled a little face, finally releasing the tie's knot and draping it from his neck.

"Now, John Bates, I don't know if I quite believe that."

"Well, it's the truth," he asserted, dipping his head for a moment to kiss and nibble at her earlobe, wresting a delighted little whine from her. He lifted to look back into her eyes. "But good things come to those who wait. I wouldn't want any other woman in the world to be here. As far as I'm concerned, there are none. They could never compare."

She giggled bashfully, as he took one of her hands to his mouth, guiding his lips over her knuckles.

"You're so adorable when you do that, you know," he whispered against her skin, his tongue lightly flicking out. "Everything about you is adorable." His other hand glided up her side, pressing gently against the skin that was bare high on her back, before his fingers curled at her jaw. His voice lowered to a growl again. "Not to mention, incredibly sexy."

The hairs on the back of her neck prickled as his hand sunk into her hair, tangling the tresses delicately. He seemed to be fascinated with it, his fingers curling and a couple stroking at her hairline. He swept them there in just the right way that made her want to beg for mercy. The thumb on his other hand swept across her cheek tenderly as his lips met hers again, picking up where they had left off for another bout of feverish kissing. She parted her lips to let his tongue play across them, the waves of pleasure bubbling within her as his fingers continued to rake through her hair, tugging just lightly on the strands in a way that made her shiver. They had waited so patiently all night to share kisses, and now they had started it seemed they couldn't stop for very long.

Her hands were roaming again, resuming their assault on the buttons of his shirt with relish. Without interrupting the movements of their mouths upon one another, she managed to pop them all free and then delved lower, working on his belt buckle. Once she had it open, her fingers fixed themselves onto the button of his trousers. She could feel searing heat emanating from the front and she moaned into their kiss on encountering it. As his trousers fell to his ankles, his hands were rippling up and down her body effortlessly, his fingers coming to trace the curve of one of her breasts through her dress. She let out another muffled gasp. She couldn't wait to be free of it.

Reading her mind, he gripped the zip at the back and glided it down. The dress slipped down her limbs like water, pooling in a golden pond on the floor. Her heart stuttered when he finally laid his hands on the plains of her bare skin, at once cool and sizzling under his touch. The silk lining of the dress was nothing against the sweep of his fingers upon her, so soft and sensuous. She really did want to feel his hands on her forever.

He had explored her body masterfully with his hands before he actually saw her, so he finally broke their unending kiss to pull back and take view of her. Anna couldn't complain too much, for as much as she longed for his lips to return to hers, she wanted desperately to see him before her too. They were almost completely revealed to one another, standing in just their underwear. Both took in audible breaths as they simply gazed at each other's forms for a few quiet moments.

Anna felt her cheeks and entire body grow hot as her eyes travelled the length of him. She found herself fixated to his upper body, her mouth hanging open a little as she gazed at him lustfully. His shoulders seemed so much broader now that they were bare, and so too did his chest, drizzled generously with dark hair. He looked like a real man, and the sight of him only turned Anna on further. She reached out to tangle her fingers in the hair upon his chest, expecting it to be coarse but finding that it was much softer, and saw the muscles flex in his arms as he brought them round to circle her. As she stroked at him, his hands splayed out upon her, caressing her skin in slow strokes. She sank against his touches, sighing as his fingers reached up to play at the sheer fabric of her bra, stretching across her back.

As they both teased at one another, roving, caressing, finding out exactly how the other liked to be touched, they sunk into a deep, blistering kiss. Anna's whole body sang; she couldn't recall when she had ever felt this good. She already felt as if she were flying. She simply could not get enough of him, and she was hungry for more. He rested his forehead against hers as they gave each other a couple of small kisses, and he sighed deeply as her hands stroked over his stomach. A fire rose up in his eyes, and he clamped his hands upon her hips as he shuffled his feet, backing them up to fall on the bed.

John shifted himself so that he was sitting up, his back resting against the headboard of the bed. Anna came forward, lured by the look in his eyes, and knelt, pinning herself and him in place, her legs either side of him. All the while, his gaze had not left her and he was staring up at her desirously, craving her every second. Delicately, he brushed his fingers against her cheek and Anna lowered herself to his touch. Their lips crushed, soft and slow upon each other, as their bodies remained tantalisingly apart save for his hand upon her face and their thighs pressed lightly together. It was astounding; every single kiss they shared sent a completely new sensation rushing through her.

As she pressed her lips more intently to his, his hands began to cover her. One found its way to her shoulder blades, swiping back and forth with light and lingering touches. That alone would have been enough to send her soaring, but the other was now inching ever so slowly up one of her thighs, the tips of his fingers tracing patterns upon the sensitive skin there. Sparks were coursing over her in different directions, colliding in electrifying shocks at her core. Her mouth faltered, her hand grasping in his hair and then trailing down the side of his face.

He was looking at her more intensely than he had done all night in the lessening light, his fingertips playing at the curve of her shoulder rhythmically.

"You're so beautiful, Anna. My god, I've never seen someone so beautiful…"

She smiled, arching her back and sighing as he continued to stroke across the blades of her shoulders. His hand began to slide ever so slightly lower, tentative. Anna grazed her own fingers across his for a moment as she reached around to unclasp her bra. The straps fell loose from her shoulders and she twisted slightly at the waist while she tossed it to the floor.

John took his hand from where it rested upon her back and reclined just slightly, marvelling at the sight of her before him; serene, shoulders thrown back, resembling a goddess, seeming so much more perfect than that. It was his adoring gaze that had given her such confidence in herself. Soon after he was leaning forward again, closer this time so that she could perceive the gentle rush of his breath settling in the hollow of her breasts. The very sensation made her dizzy.

So lightly, he swept a finger under the curve of her left breast, and Anna started. God, he had barely touched her and she already felt sheer bliss. His fingers curled softly in the ends of her hair before he lifted it, placing it over her shoulder. She glanced down, watching the careful movements of his hand as it came back around and she was sure she had let out a moan in anticipation even before he fit his palm to her breast. He let the weight rest perfectly in his hand for a few seconds, inhaling a breath himself, and then began to massage, very gently squeezing with his adept fingers. Anna hummed, thoroughly enjoying the prolonged touches, it all being thrillingly new and somehow still so very familiar.

He was still caressing with his fingers when his lips fell upon the swell too, peppering kisses there. His tongue flicked out, trailing upwards, and she gasped loudly when his mouth closed around the bud of her nipple, circling slowly and lightly sucking before he laved it completely. Anna arched, her head lolling back as he repeated his attentive actions on her right breast, having to lean her hands against the wall when he alternated between kissing and licking her hardened nipple. She couldn't prevent the slow roll of her hips against him and she managed to prise her eyes open, glancing down to his waist that was partly covered by her. She could see the line of hair sprouted upon his stomach, disappearing beneath the band of his black boxer shorts and she felt herself spiralling out of control, scuttling to eagerly nip and kiss at the corners of his mouth.

Her attentions didn't last for long until he bobbed his head away from her lips.

"Do you mind if I move…?" he whispered against her ear, giving a slight nod of his head. She gazed down at his shorts, and realised what the matter was.

Anna lowered to her side on the sheets as John adjusted his position, for a few brief seconds feeling his desire brush against her, thrilling on the contact. She did feel so beautiful, more than she had done clothed in that dress, lying here with him. She couldn't fail to feel beautiful with his eyes upon her so reverent, full of passion but tenderness too. She wondered how she could possibly feel more beautiful with the attention he was lavishing on her body, the way he was worshipping her with his hands, his mouth, his tongue.

She looked up lazily under half-lidded eyes to find that he was over her now, trailing his fingers and then his lips over the hollow of her throat and her collarbone. Her breasts heaved as she breathed in, and he grazed light kisses over them, moving down towards her stomach, teething the skin gently. She heard herself groaning and felt herself set ablaze.

He swept a hand all the way down her side and back again as he settled on the bed next to her, dipping his head to place kisses upon her neck and shoulder. His fingers hovered over her stomach, then her thighs, and Anna was crying out inside her mind. They curved inwardly, ghosting over the goosepimpled skin, until they travelled further away. She rasped a little in disappointment, but he softly hushed her, fingertips dancing the length of her leg. He lifted it by the knee in his hand, stroking it, his eyes riveted.

"I love your legs," he uttered, and any remaining insecurities she held about herself faded to nothing. "They're gorgeous, absolutely perfect."

His hand drifted back and forth across her calf, his touch divine. Delicately, as though he knew her inside out, the pads of his fingers sought the little creases at the back of her knee, and Anna shivered, her whole body contracting, as one tickled across them delightfully. Already he knew exactly what made her wild, what she wanted, what she desired with every fibre of her being.

He brought her leg back down, sensing that he had done enough. Anna almost jumped off the bed in anticipation of what was surely to follow next. Sure enough, his fingers began to wander up again, brushing her stomach once more lightly before seeking out the heat of her thighs. They danced there awhile, snaking over her, and then his hand splayed flat, covering the lace of her knickers. He pressed it lightly over the front, and Anna had to bite down on her lip. She was already so aroused, moisture gathering and increasing between her legs by the second, and he must have been able to feel it too. She shifted a little on the covers, the sensation almost unbearable but in no way unpleasant.

He leaned in, leaving a little kiss on the curve of her jaw before looking at her, questioning silently with his eyes. She gave a tiny bob of her head, lifting her hips off the bed to give him the answer. He smiled softly at her, hooking his fingers underneath the lace at either side and guided them gently down her legs. Anna took a shaky breath; she was completely bare before him now, but she wasn't embarrassed in the slightest. She only felt overwhelming desire and everything being so natural. Her thighs parted instinctively, and she let out a whimper when his fingers swept over her soft curls.

His voice was low around her. "Just tell me what you want, what feels good. I'll do whatever you want."

She nodded, her hands curling in the sheets as he traced over the mound softly, only just starting to explore, and she was already on the edge. His touches were searching but sure, the pressure ever so light. They were almost teasing. He took his time, and Anna was about to grab his hand and guide it where she needed it desperately to be when the very tips of his fingers finally drifted lower and she gasped out. He retreated slightly when he heard her, but it only took a glimpse of her features scrunched up for him to be reassured.

His index finger and thumb began to caress in gradual strokes, slow one way and back even slower in the opposite direction, gliding over her folds delicately. There was a definite teasing in his motions, painfully sweet to Anna as hot pleasure welled inside her with each stroke. She let out a chorus of soft moans as he went on. There was no need for him to ask, her constant whimpers urging him on, but he did so anyway.

"Does that feel good, Anna?"

The sound of him saying her name while he touched her so intimately made her react even more enthusiastically. She managed to bob her head, which bounced up from the pillow, her hips arching to meet his hand, wanting to encourage him, show him exactly how good it felt.

He was brushing against her with a little more pressure and a slight change in pace, and it felt absolutely heavenly. God, he knew what he was doing; knew what he was doing to her, her arousal teeming. Anna felt static the entire length of her and saw bursts of stars exploding before her eyes. When, after long seconds, his fingers dipped, sliding easily into her slickness, she was lost. The whole universe imploded in her head and there was nothing, only his touch. His mouth brushed warm against her cheek, her neck, her shoulder while he drew his fingers in and out slowly, and in combination it was almost too much. The next time he breached her folds he went just a little further, curling and massaging carefully, and in the heat of the moment Anna's hand flew to her mouth, stifling a loud cry.

John's eyes flashed, a little concerned until he saw the ecstasy in her own. He brought a gentle hand to her forehead, the backs of his fingers soothing there.

"You don't need to do that, not with me."

His hand drifted to lay upon hers, lifting it from her mouth while his other remained lower. He placed his lips on the soft skin, kissing each of her fingers in turn, and she sighed when he left a sweet kiss on her lips, sighing louder when his fingers resumed their movements.

As he caressed her, he whispered sweet words in her ear; about how gorgeous she looked right then, how wonderful she felt, how amazing her pleasure was making him feel. She tried to cling onto the words as she sunk her head back on the pillow and fluttered her eyes shut, but they were whirling away from her, becoming a blur. There was simply no sense in her trying to cling on any longer.

Then, his thumb stroked upwards, locating the swollen bud of nerves easily, and she really was done for. She couldn't stop the high-pitched moans from escaping her unbidden as he pressed, rubbing in slow circles. Her hips bucked against him and his movements, her thighs clenched. She could feel herself tense and contract and the tell-tale tingles rush through her, more powerful than they'd ever been. In a second, she was undone.

Her limbs shuddered on the sheets, her breathing regulating as he tangled a hand in her hair, fanned out upon the pillow. He was right by her side, his body almost moulded against her and she opened her eyes slowly to see him watching her and every tiny movement she made, so considerate. The palm of his other hand rested on the flat of her stomach, rising and falling softly. As she turned to face him, blinking, he nuzzled a kiss into her neck. A whole mixture of feelings swirled up around and then settled deep within her. He felt so warm next to her.

Still bathed in the haze of her rapture, Anna was struck by an urgent desire to reciprocate as well as a yearning need to feel his skin against hers. Scuttling upon the sheets, she swiftly launched forward, pressing a hand firm to his side and captured his lips with hers, kissing him ardently and hungrily. As she pulled her body up to kneel on the mattress, John was forced to hop onto his feet, standing at the edge of the bed.

She released his mouth after swiping her tongue over his lips, snaking her arms around his neck, a wicked glint deep in her eyes. Unhurriedly, she ran her hands the span of his shoulders, over his chest, teasing and tickling the hair upon it. She delighted in hearing him hiss when she trailed her lips down and then back up his torso, feeling him tense wonderfully when her mouth lingered at his stomach, just above the waistband of his shorts. Somehow, he was still wearing them and Anna hadn't failed to notice that they had tented more following his pursuits upon her.

She moistened her lips and smiled, her fingers drifting up and down his sides before she grasped the shorts down over his thighs. He sighed with relief when he was set free and Anna had to stop and take a breath for a moment. Casting her gaze over him, her eyes flashed dark. She resolved silently that she would make him feel as good as he had made her feel just moments ago. She watched him glancing down at her, holding his breath and exhaling with a heavy groan as her fingers curled around his length.

Anna inhaled as she took him more fully in her palm, relishing the weight of him before she began to move her hand, her movements unsteady at first but soon becoming confident. He fit perfectly there and she was eager in her strokes, working his shaft, cupping him. His groans came steadier and she could feel them rifling through his body as her fingers remained on his hardness, a deep one escaping from his throat when her thumb traced over the tip. She could only manage a couple more languid strokes before she felt shaking fingers upon her wrist, stopping her movements. She glanced up at him, slightly concerned until she saw the dark look in his eyes.

"I need you, Anna," he managed to breath.

An exhilarating wave surged throughout her body as she lay herself down, unable to ignore the pulsing that had grown between her thighs. Her eyes were pinned to him, her gaze searching and her breath hitching as he moved along the bed, his body coming to hover over hers. John tenderly swept his fingers over the side of her face, his look upon her so bright in the darkness around them. He was so close to her that her heart physically ached. A glistening of tears gathered in her eyes as he caressed her. She felt the very edge of his skin pressing to hers and couldn't stop a noise she'd never heard herself utter before leaving her.

A soft look washed upon his features. He didn't ask her with words but instead with his eyes, that were deep upon hers. Unable to say anything, she answered in kind.

There was a moment of perfect stillness, which seemed to simultaneously increase and come shattering to the ground. Both gasped when he entered her, breaths colliding and eyes locking on one another. Anna was so overwhelmed, the feeling consuming them both so intense that she should have had to look away, at least for a few seconds, yet she found it was completely impossible.

John stilled himself, panting softly while he cupped her cheek. He brought her lips to his, brushing them sweetly before deepening the kiss. Anna's heart fluttered in her chest, feeling every part of him upon her, every part now a part of her too. When his mouth left hers, she opened her own to speak, but all words and thoughts were lost to her. There was only him, all around her, within her, and she had to smile a little at the sweetness of it all. He dipped again to leave a lingering kiss upon her lips, the tip of his nose brushing against hers. She adored his tenderness but the burning below her stomach was insisting, and she started to rock her hips gently, the motion encouraging him to move too, and they both sighed as the need began to be quelled.

His thrusts were slow at first, letting her feel every stroke, and Anna closed her eyes, arching her head on the pillow, gripping the sheets to make sure she wasn't floating away. He peppered kisses on her jaw, over her throat, beginning to increase his pace in response to her body urging to meet him. She ran her hands over his back, loving the feel of the muscles there contracting with his exertion. Sinking her nails into his skin, she took the opportunity to wrap her legs around his waist and moaned out when she took him deeper. The sensations were white hot over her body, in her mind and behind her eyes with his fluid rhythm, hitting the perfect spot over and over again, quivering expectantly in the seconds before the next time.

Her lips were desperate upon his neck, her kisses interrupted by the breathless cries of his name, echoing in the room. They met in harmony with his calls of hers, their hips moving in synchronisation, becoming increasingly erratic. It had never been like this before and Anna didn't have the space to contemplate it beyond that simple fact. Her pleasure was encompassing, swarming her and becoming all she could feel and see as she approached her climax at speed. John sensed it immediately and slowed his thrusts, snaking a hand between their pressed bodies. With nimble fingers, he sought out the still-sensitive nub, rubbing rhythmically. She met her end quickly and blissfully with the combination, bolts of electricity darting all over her skin and fuzzing her head.

She smiled lazily as he kissed the corners of her mouth, stroking his hand up over her body. He stayed upon her lips for some moments, allowing her to recover, lifting his eyes when the ache became too much. She nodded to let him continue, easing her fingers over the back of his neck and feeling the aftershocks as he went on with his thrusts, riding out towards his own release. Anna felt him twitch and shudder inside her, he let out a guttural groan with the sensation and somehow held himself up when it enveloped him. Seconds later he collapsed, his warm weight upon her.

Anna keened from the loss of him but didn't have to suffer long as he shifted down into the bed, his hands strong around her, pulling her as close as she could be to him. The curve of her body fitted his, her head resting in the crook of his neck while his hand glided up and down her bare spine soothingly. He leaned forward momentarily to kiss her shoulder, his lips still so warm upon her skin, his fingertips coming to trace around the area surrounding where his mouth was covering. Anna smiled before he kissed her full on the lips softly, the smile returning as she circled her arms about him, snuggling into him against the sheets.

Even when they both drifted into a peaceful sleep, the smile remained upon her lips as the night faded away with them wrapped in each other's embrace.


	11. Chapter 11

The room seemed brighter that morning, the light insistent as it rushed under the curtains and made to rouse her awake. Anna let out a little groan at its presence, sinking against the pillow, hair falling over her face a little annoyingly. Yet she couldn't be too annoyed at all, not when she was so comfortable. She shifted and wriggled underneath the sheets, clutching a fistful of duvet and letting it envelop her body. It was so snug and warm here, perhaps even a touch too warm. The sunlight increased its warmth on her face despite her seeking shelter from it, and a flush of intense heat ran the length of her prostrate body for a brief moment. She had to give in and blinked a few times, coming around slowly. Sleep was still heavy in her eyes for a while and so was a deal of momentary confusion as she took in what surrounded her. Then her lips curled as the realisation dawned on her, delightfully.

She wasn't in her own bed.

The same feeling had occurred to her several times throughout the night, when she had woken up for a moment or so in the dusk. A pleasant daze emerging from deep sleep, a delicious minute of not knowing, stuck between two worlds. She could only make out faint shadows on the wall in front of her, not really being able to see anything. But she could feel. She felt him lying next to her, his warm skin pressed against her unclothed back, the soft hair of his chest brushing her lightly, the steady beat of his heart aligning with her own. She smiled wide against the pillow she was laying on to find that his hand was resting upon her hip under the covers, his long fingers curved protectively and snugly around her hipbone. Memories made just hours ago rushed through her head, of his hands all over her, seeking her and finding her. His lips upon hers, and then covering every inch of her body. Just recalling it all sent her cresting high upon waves of sheer bliss. Her heart began to race, getting quicker as his hand moved in his sleep low upon her stomach. She couldn't be entirely sure that she wasn't on some clime not of this earth. The tips of his fingers twitched against her, stroked her skin almost imperceptibly softly. She was soothed, and with thoughts of the night past resounding in her mind better than any dream, returned to slumber.

She was awake now, stretching in the vast bed, fragments of all that had happened there being the most wonderful accompaniment to her rousing. She lay for a while just thinking, remembering, a hand drifting over her body, a jolt of electricity shocking her when her fingers traced the same routes he had taken. She couldn't take the smile from her face, and wondered exactly when the last time was that she had been so happy to greet a new day. A moment replayed and replayed in her head, and her toes curled tight against the sheets. The memory was enough for now, could be enough for her whole life, but she was still calling out for more.

Sighing, Anna rolled over onto her other side and was met immediately with a brush against her cheek. She was rather puzzled to find the piece of paper nestled between the two pillows and propping herself against the mattress, picked it up between her fingers, a shock of cool air hitting her shoulder blades as she read the words scrawled upon it.

_Now that's what I call a BIG lapse of concentration.  
Didn't want to wake you.  
John x_

There was another smile, replaced swiftly by an uncontrollable fit of giggles as she landed face first for a moment in the space between the two pillows.  _This man,_  she thought to herself. The scent of his aftershave was smeared across the pillows, the sheets, pressed to her nose.  _What is he doing to me?_ Whatever it was, it was completely wonderful. Birds chirped outside the window. Anna lay on her stomach, tangling a hand into her mussed hair. She ran her other hand over the creases on her pillow, drifted it over to the one by its side, smooth, still warm. A hot fuzz collected and spread out in the pit of her stomach, running down through her limbs.

She stood for a while once she had emerged and fixed on her underwear, not too cold from the air in the room. It had been fairly dark when she had ascended the stairs hours before, and she hadn't even taken notice of the other rooms while her hand had been in his, only concerned about their intended destination, so she wasn't sure where everything was. She wondered briefly about taking a shower, but she felt a little uncertain about that. She worried stupidly about using too much water or using the wrong towel, but primarily she was very aware that she could still sense him upon her skin, and she wasn't keen to get rid. She frowned while still being amused at the discarded clothes on the floor, the gold fabric swirled out, looking more extravagant and out of place in the daylight. Bending, she reached for the grey shirt, not needed as he clearly had many more to choose from, and slid her arms into it, effortlessly doing up the buttons she had previously fought such a battle with. As she reclined against the edge of the bed, she perceived the sound of shuffling below where her feet rested against the floorboards. She beamed excitedly, jumping up in an instant.

When she got to the top of the stairs her heart stuttered to see John at the foot, one of his feet perched on the bottom stair, making to climb upwards. He was clean shaven, dressed in a navy suit with a light pinstripe and light shirt, a mug held in one of his hands. Her hand clasped around the banister and she grinned as she saw him gazing at her, mouth open just slightly, stopped in his tracks. She made her way down to meet him, him removing his foot from the stair as she descended, her hair bouncing at her shoulders with the enthusiasm of her steps. Anna extended her fingers, taking the warm china from his hand and lifting her eyes cheekily up towards him as her lips settled on the rim and she took a sip.

"I wasn't sure if you'd be awake, but I didn't want to leave without bringing you some morning tea," he smiled at her, a light flush entering his cheeks as he watched her relishing the drink. "I don't know how you take it, I had to guess."

Anna smacked her lips together, humming in delight as she gulped down the warm liquid, a glow settling on her face as she looked back into his eyes.

"Milk, two sugars," she drawled, still sounding dreamy from sleep. "It's perfect."

John looked markedly impressed. "How did you work that out?"

"I wouldn't be a very good Yorkshire woman if I didn't know my tea. It's in the genes." She giggled, watching him looking rather amazed, wrapping her hands around the mug. "It only takes a sip to know."

He had shuffled closer, his breath expelling against her. "Maybe you can teach me."

"I would have thought you would know already, being an Irishman." Anna chimed, quirking her eyebrows up in amusement, going a little breathless as he smirked and his face drew nearer to hers. "But I can certainly try."

"I'd like that." His voice was raspy, hoarse. That fuzz came back suddenly into her stomach.

She wet her lips, her eyes flickering to his. "It only takes the tip of your tongue." She couldn't help the mischief from escaping, her words laced and her eyes twinkling with it. From the glint in his own gaze that was just about still visible to her, she knew he appreciated it.

"Is that so?" he growled, and she couldn't restrain her giggles. "Well, maybe I should experiment…"

Carefully, he took her fingers from where they were curled around the mug, taking it from her grasp and settling it on the little hall table. Anna looked up at him with wide, hopeful eyes, warmth drifting through her as he caressed her fingers with his own, sliding them in the spaces between when he met his lips with hers.

It had seemed like so long since their last kiss, and she welcomed him, her arm bracing lightly against his back. This was the perfect way to say good morning, far better than the tea, which was pretty good. His lips were soft and light, becoming just a little firmer in their press against hers. The very tip of his tongue traced over her lips and she smiled as she parted them, letting him in gently. She could taste toothpaste and tea, stronger than her own blend, and the tang of marmalade. His mouth smiled against hers, puckering to leave two light kisses on each of her lips in turn.

"Hmmm," he assessed, eyes half-lidded. "Milk and two sugars, sure enough."

"See, I told you you already knew."

"Now come on, you have to be absolutely certain about these things."

They both looked at each other and chortled, their laughter echoing in the hallway. Anna realised the hem of his jacket was still held between her fingers and she eased them away, pushing some of her hair back behind her ear. She smiled as his eyes raked over her, from her bare ankles up to where she was covered by his shirt. He looked a little sheepish when his gaze reached hers and he realised how he must have been staring, but Anna could only be amused and flattered.

His own smile settled firmly on his face. "It looks better on you than it does on me," he said sincerely and with just a touch of yearning. "Much better."

Anna blushed, twisting her hands in the sleeves. She had to admit that she rather liked wearing his clothes, not expecting to do so quite so soon. All she could do was smile at him, visions flooding through her mind of them together. She blushed a little more intensely. She couldn't tell if he had noticed, but he seemed to find her endearing at this moment if his own expression was anything to go by.

"So, last night," he started, bringing a hand to touch the back of his neck very briefly and then letting it fall by his side again. "That happened, didn't it? I didn't just dream it."

His face crumpled into a cheeky smile and Anna's eyes lit up. She giggled.

"No, it was very real."  _There's no way I could have a dream that good_ , she thought to herself.

"Just checking."

He grinned, reaching out to swipe his hand over hers. She wondered if she would feel these little, powerful shocks each and every time he touched her, even as light and innocent as it was now.

"My god, Anna, I…" He exhaled a long breath as the backs of his fingers caressed at her skin, and he looked down for a moment. "I've never experienced anything like that. I was lying awake this morning and it was all I could think of, my head was filled with you. Then I realised you were lying next to me, and I saw you, felt you sleeping. God, you looked gorgeous. I thought I must have been dreaming. I couldn't believe my luck, to have you there."

She smiled wide at all that he was saying. She couldn't quite believe that she had been so lucky, lucky enough to find him, apparently out of the blue, to have come to know him, and to be standing here now with him.

He faltered for a moment, his hand stopping its soothing movements against hers.

"You are…alright? About what happened..."

Anna had to laugh, though it probably wasn't the best thing to do at that very moment.

"You silly beggar," she exclaimed, curling her fingers against his, her bright blue eyes gazing up at him. "Of course I am. More than alright."

She glanced down for a minute, the smile pinned to her face as she recalled. When she looked back up at him, he was searching her face still, though he wore a gentle smile himself.

"It was amazing." She uttered the words slowly, savouring saying them and knowing how true they were, thrilling to see the spark in his eyes. Her hand moved over his, her other grasping onto his side. "I've never felt anything like it before, either. I'm still trying to find the words to describe." She began to move her fingers back and forth, kneading him through his shirt and smiling as he let out a little sigh, his own hand moving up to tangle lightly in the hair covering her neck. "You're quite something, Mr Bates."

He let out a dismissive chuckle, shaking his head softly while she stayed gazing at him, her attention completely rapt.

"I don't know, I think it was all you. You made me like that." He smiled, smoothing his thumb over her cheek. "You had your way with me, Miss Smith."

She scrunched up her shoulders, giggling delightfully as she got onto her tiptoes, angling herself to kiss him swiftly. His hands stroked down her shoulders and arms as their mouths moved together in harmony. They were hovering dangerously by where the shirt was hanging over her thighs and she smiled into the kiss, breaking it before things got too heated, though she really wouldn't have minded. She had a bit of an urge suddenly to explore the rest of the house, and didn't want to do so on her own.

He looked a little troubled as she pulled away from him, and she questioned silently.

"Obviously, I wasn't expecting…I didn't even realise, which is stupid of me, I know."

"What?" she said, a little confused.

"I didn't have anything," he uttered, and she realised, feeling relieved. John looked pained and more than a bit shameful; he wasn't the type to take this kind of matter lightly, she could tell, and it was the only sign that he felt a little uneasy about getting caught up in their passion. "It has been years, I wasn't exactly prepared."

Anna smiled, trying to be reassuring. "It's okay, really. I'm still on the pill. My body tends to go a bit haywire if I stop taking it too soon."

She had wondered whether she should chance it; after all, it had been a while for her too, even though she'd finished with Jeremy relatively recently. Now she thought it was just as well that she had left it.

John breathed out in relief. "Not that I…"

"I know," Anna interrupted. "But even with everything, I don't think it's the time for that."

God, any other man would run a mile with what she'd implied in the lightest way, but he only nodded, half-smiling at her in the hallway.

"So long as you don't regret it later."

His self-deprecation came up from under the surface, and it saddened Anna, as well as being a little bit endearing. She fixed him with a deep look before she reached forward to capture his lips sweetly once more, running a hand over the curve of his jaw, a couple of fingers brushing against his throat. She heard him make a groan, muffled against their kiss.

"I think that tells you that I don't, and I won't."

They stayed rooted to the spot, him stooping to drop a kiss on her forehead and then holding her to him, warm against his embrace. His arms circled around her, and Anna sighed happily. She could stay exactly this way forever; it seemed far too soon to break the spell, though she knew nothing could really suspend it.

She shifted her arms against his chest, and he reached to stroke down her sides to her waist at the movement.

"Can't you stay?" she said, knowing that her voice sounded pleading.

"I wish I could," he sighed, looking at the curve of her neck and her collarbone that was partly hidden by the collar of his shirt before gazing back deep into her eyes. "You have no idea how much. Especially with you in that."

Anna laughed. "Now you know how I feel when I'm looking at you."

He leaned forward to kiss her lightly, and then grazed the tip of her nose.

"If only it wasn't a work day."

She gazed at the clock on the wall behind them. "You're not late, are you?"

"No, but I suppose I'd better get a move on if I don't want to be."

One of his arms remained firm about her, while the other came up, cupping her face in his hand. Anna revelled in his touch.

"You don't seem to be making an effort," she teased him.

John sighed heavily. "That's because you have a hold on me. You should know very well that I can't resist you."

She grinned wickedly, thinking she might get to have her way. "Well, you do run the place. I'm sure they wouldn't notice."

He smirked, catching her off-guard with a deep kiss. His arms relinquished her before his lips did.

"And now I do have to go."

Anna pouted, grasping a spindle in the absence of having him to hold onto. John chortled at her look and then moved back towards her while he put on his coat, fixing the collar.

"How are you fixed? Do you need to be anywhere?" he asked her.

"It's okay. I'm not in the café until this afternoon, and there's not really anything I can do at the restaurant."

"Well, I'm not going to kick you out," he said with a smile in his voice. She shifted on her feet, watching him tip a little jar upside down and then resting the silver key in his palm. "Take all the time you need, have a shower, fix yourself up."

Anna smirked as he handed her the key. "Why, Mr Bates, a key already? That's very forward of you." She laughed as he smiled widely back at her, and then suddenly reddened.

"What's wrong?"

She chuckled, a little embarrassed to think about it. He wasn't the only one who had neglected to think about all the consequences.

"I'll have to go back wearing that dress," she said, a bit bashful. "I hadn't really bargained on giving everyone a fashion parade. It's a good job I brought the coat."

John couldn't stifle his laugher.

"If anyone can pull that off, then it's you," he exclaimed, watching her shake her head. "I can order you a cab?"

"No, I'll do it. You've done enough already." She hadn't understood until she saw him raise his eyebrows and then burst into giggles for what seemed like the thousandth time that morning.

"There's breakfast in the kitchen, tons of it. I'm sorry I couldn't cook you anything."

"Another time," she whispered, loving the look that lit up his face.

"Can I see you tonight?" he ventured, lingering by where she stood. "We can go and see a film, do dinner or drinks…whatever you fancy."

Anna smiled wide at the suggestion, stepping forward and grasping onto the lapels of his jacket lightly. "That suits me. We'll find something to do."

They both had to laugh; it seemed everything she said now had a double meaning.

"Good," he purred, covering his hands over hers and leaning to give her a last kiss, deliberately slow. She sighed as his lips left hers. He smiled, heading to the door.

"Until tonight. Take care."

As she watched him go, as the door clicked shut, Anna looked to the ceiling with a smile on her face, feeling like his arms were still wrapped tight around her with his shirt draped over her body. She bit on the corner of her lip. Even this morning, he had given her a lot to remember.

* * *

She spent the remainder of the morning occupying her own wonderful little world, revelling in it, hardly able to believe all that had happened. Every now and then she would catch herself with the secret smile fixed to her face and found she couldn't get rid of all the traces, not when certain thoughts occurred to her in any instant, regardless of whether she was alone or not. She was keeping count of how many times they had kissed, going back again when she lost the number. She was interrupted by the memory of his lips trailing down over her body, so vivid that she could nearly feel their caress again, through all of her clothes. She thought of his fingers, careful and considerate, never giving up their pursuit, touching her so intimately and amazingly…her whole body contracted just at the thought and she suddenly felt incredibly hot, standing in the cool air.

Everything was so fantastic to her that she couldn't even be troubled by having to work the notoriously taxing lunch shift in the café that afternoon. If anything, she got through all the orders far more efficiently, served the barrage of customers with a beaming smile. Having done all she needed to with still an hour of her shift to go, she found herself in the back room, washing plates and cups and making some little preparations to the cakes that were to be put out for the evening. She hummed along happily to the low volume of the radio that was playing in the background, shaken out of her daze when the door swung open with a crash and a heavy sigh punctuated the air.

Ivy appeared, clutching a coffee cup that had hardly been touched, her face flushed and her eyes blinking furiously, looking as if she were about to burst into tears at any second. Anna had to wonder what the matter was; the young girl was usually so bubbly and bright, she'd never seen her quite this perturbed before.

"Nightmare customer?" Anna frowned, drying off and replacing a plate in a pile with the others.

Ivy undid and hurled off her apron in a sudden fit, and sighed.

"The customer from hell," she replied heavily. "This is the fourth time she's sent this order back. Complained that there was too much cream, then not enough, then that the colour wasn't right!" Her voice rose in indignation. "I mean, it's a bloody cappuccino, not a work of art!"

Anna exhaled, folding the tea towel and placing it down on the counter. She was sure she had never heard Ivy react in such a way, she was such a sweet-natured thing. The girl's cheeks were glowing red and she was panting furiously.

"Come on, you catch yourself for ten minutes." She put her hand on Ivy's shoulder, taking the cup from her hands and guiding her to sit down. "I'll go and deal with it."

Ivy's eyes looked up wide at her. "Oh Anna, thank you. I think I'd end up doing something I regret if I had to go back out. Or otherwise ensure that we needed to order a load more crockery."

"Surely not you," Anna smiled reassuringly, patting her hand against the girl's shoulder briefly. "Let's see if I can fare any better. I'll tell you the tale if I live to do so."

She took her apron from where it was hanging by the door, pinning it on as she went through and around out into the front of the shop. Though a part of her expected that Ivy may have been overreacting just slightly, being young and rather naïve, she tensed up a little, bracing herself for whatever onslaught might be to come. Reaching into the pocket, she brought out and clutched the notepad and pencil as if they were armoury.

They nearly clattered to the floor when she saw the blaze of auburn hair, the ivory legs placed in skyscraper heels that were crossed, pointing accusingly towards her.

A smirk rose up on the woman's face, her red fingernails ceasing to drum on the table top when she saw Anna.

"Well, well, look who we have here. I believe we've met before?" Her American accent drawled.

_Yes, I believe we have, when you were shagging my absolute bastard of a fiancé._

"Anna, isn't it?" Claudia's words had the perfect semblance of nonchalance, or perhaps it wasn't a façade. Anna wouldn't have been surprised if she really was that self-absorbed.

"It is."

She stayed unmoved, staring ahead as Claudia's gaze studied her up and down, lingering upon her white apron. Anna crossed her hands in front of her, defiantly, refusing to show herself shrinking despite the way she felt scrutinised.

"So, this is what you're doing now. A  _waitress_." She spat the words from her heavily lipsticked mouth, her lips quirking upwards when she met Anna's eyes again. She knew very well that's what she was doing now, Anna thought. It seemed a very big coincidence for her to be here at all. "Quite the fall from grace."

Her insides, that had been so calm and blissful all day, were bubbling with buried rage.

"Not at all," she replied coolly. "It's a perfectly good profession. I think people underestimate how tough it is."  _Especially when we have to put up with nosy, unreasonable bitches like you._

Claudia bit on her lip, stifling a cackle. "Well, whatever. I just hope that you're more competent than that silly little girl. I mean, how hard is it to get a cappuccino right? It is the only thing she does all day, after all."

She unclipped her compact mirror in her hands and applied even more lipstick. Not that any amount could remove her ugliness, Anna pondered. She had to wonder just what her motive was for turning up here. Paranoia? Some kind of revenge? She couldn't have possibly imagined that she might be jealous of her, surely? She really couldn't care less about Jeremy, or what they were doing together. For a good while now, she had forgotten all about the whole sorry thing. She tried desperately to fill her mind with what had been rushing through it all day long, to calm herself, to remind herself that she had something so much better now. Had  _someone_  so much better. Half of her hoped that John would walk through the door at that very second and the other half panicked profusely in case he did just that.

"But, I'm sure you'll have no trouble," Claudia pouted at herself in the little mirror before turning her scowling eyes back towards Anna. "You are much older. A little too old to really carry being a cute waitress off, but you do what you have to do, right?"

The cheek of it. She was surely older than her; if she was younger, she wasn't wearing very well at all.

Anna shook her head to clear it of the unpleasant thoughts that were increasing there. There was a prolonged silence and she decided to just come out and say it.

"Look," she began, keeping her voice steady and low, "if this is about Jeremy, then you have nothing to worry about from me, I can assure you. You are welcome to him."

A screech of a laugh came from Claudia, and several other people in the café turned to look at them. Anna felt mortified, wanting to keep the encounter discreet, but this was the last thing on Claudia's mind.

"Oh, honey. I'm not worried, not at all." She curled a hand in her hair, running a heel up the side of her opposite leg. "We are very happy. Very happy indeed. You know, he's having a lot more fun now that he hasn't got other commitments to bring him down."

She trailed a shiny red nail over the surface of the table, and Anna swallowed hard.

"Good for him. And you."

"Yes." She purred, elongating the word as she raised her almost black eyes to meet Anna's once more. "It's very good indeed."

The lull returned, tension thick in the air. Anna sighed loudly, jabbing her pencil into the paper, tapping her foot as Claudia took her time, fiddling with her hair. Finally she spoke again.

"I was just looking for a new coffee shop, that's all," she said apparently innocently. "Now that I'm living in this area. And I think I've found it." She smiled, not exactly sweetly, at Anna, who felt her heart start to constrict in her chest. She didn't know quite what to do, her pencil having slipped from the pad, her mouth refusing to speak.

In the next moment, Claudia unfurled her legs, pinned her bag to her shoulder and stood up, her eyes fixed firm on Anna as she did so.

"I think I'll skip the order for today. I know what I need to know. But don't worry, I'll be back." Anna found that she was still a little bit dumbfounded as Claudia placed a few coins down on the table, clattering loudly. "A little something for your service. You might want to see if you can reserve that table for me." She smirked a wicked grin from beneath all of her lipstick before tossing her hair over her shoulders. "You have a nice day, now."

The customers at the furthest side of the café turned to glare at Anna's ashen face as the bell echoed around the walls. Well, she was having the nicest day up until minutes ago. Now with a cloud hanging over her, she wasn't sure how she'd be able to get it back to how it was.

* * *

Sitting on the edge of the sofa, Anna scraped the heels of her boots against the carpet, ran her hands over her jeans and pouted in deep thought. As she had got home and got ready she didn't have the chance to ruminate about the events of the afternoon, but now they had come back with a vengeance. She just couldn't get her head around why Claudia had turned up there. What was even more puzzling was why it was bugging her so much. After all, the woman had done her the biggest favour of her life, allowing her to ditch Jeremy once and for all. She wouldn't have exactly got down on her knees and kissed the toes of her stilettos, but she was grateful, in a strange way. Still, it didn't make looking at her smug face any easier, and it was the thought of seeing it every day that had really struck fear into her. She had made it quite clear that she intended to be a regular customer. Perhaps she was toying with her on purpose, prolonging the humiliation in payback. But whatever she had in mind, Anna knew she didn't want and indeed couldn't deal with the constant reminders. Not now. Her head spun with it all and dread gnawed uncomfortably at her, even though she had already acted out the decision which meant she had no reason to worry. Only now, she began to worry that had been too hasty and quite ridiculous indeed. All because for some unfathomable reason, she was afraid. Of Claudia, not that much. Of Jeremy, hardly. Maybe she was most afraid of herself, of everything unravelling around her once more. She hadn't been so happy in ages. But fate had a habit of playing out cruel twists.

She wouldn't lose him, surely.  _You never know what's waiting around the corner…_

It took the bell to ring twice before she heard it and she shook herself, smoothing her fingers over her black shirt.

He gave her a warm smile that almost melted away all of her anxieties and she did her best to return it, keeping it there as he gave her a kiss on the cheek. She thought she was doing a rather good job, still smiling as she invited him in, but her eyes didn't fool him.

"Oh, John," she sighed before he could ask what the matter was. "I think I've done something rather silly."

"I should have known you'd come to think that eventually."

His voice was light, teasing and self-deprecating, and Anna gave a little smile that was more genuine whilst shaking her head at him.

"This afternoon, I quit the café." Stating it aloud made it all real and she felt so very foolish. She succeeded in holding herself together but still welcomed his hand coming to rest on her arm. "Something happened…it was stupid, really, nothing that even mattered. But it just made something snap. At least it felt like that then, but now, I'm not sure."

He circled his other arm softly around her waist, guiding her closer to where he stood, giving a shrug of his shoulders.

"When you know something's not right, you know." To Anna, his was the voice of all experience. She glanced up and saw him flashing her a smirk. "I think you need to trust your instincts more."

Well, they hadn't failed her so far, that was true.

His face softened as she looked deeper into it, her arm curling easily about him.

"It's not the end of the world, is it?" he uttered.

She huffed a little, placing her other hand against his chest.

"I suppose not. But the timing's not great. I mean, the restaurant launch is in a few days. Once that's done, I really will be at a loose end."

Her fingers fiddled with the edge of his jacket and she stepped forward, pressing her forehead lightly to the warmth of his upper body. His hands drifted over her back and the cool silkiness of her shirt. Anna was astounded at how easy this all felt, how comforting.

"I promise, as long as I'm here, you'll never be at a loose end. Even if it means me giving up my job and making it my profession to occupy you."

Her face still buried against him, Anna's nose jabbed at his chest as she started to giggle, at first lightly but then with increasing force. John started, bringing his hands up to cup the sides of her face.

"What's got into you?" he enquired, beginning to chuckle himself at her sudden amusement.

"You do realise how that sounded?" She lifted her head to look at him with impish eyes, a smirk curling her lips.

John shook his head and chortled. "Now, don't blame me for the places your mind goes."

Her cheeks became a little pink underneath her thin layer of blusher. She closed her eyes as he dropped a kiss against her hair, smiling when he lingered to press his nose to the strands, inhaling lightly.

"And that's starting now." He braced his hands against her arms, giving her a gentle shake. "We're going to have a great time tonight, forget all about work and everything else."

Anna gazed up at him, her face scrunched up. He looked so excited and boyish, and she didn't want to dampen his enthusiasm.

"Would you mind if we stayed in tonight?" she ventured. "I'm not really in the mood to be out. Gwen's out for the night, so it would still just be the two of us. If that's okay with you."

He gave her an equally hearty grin and she felt relieved. She should have known he'd be fine with whatever she wanted to do.

"A night in sounds good to me."

His voice was low in her ear, his breath tickling her as he pulled her close for a moment, leaving a kiss tingling upon her. She smiled at the sensation, clasping his hands before she began to walk towards the living room.

"I'll see what films I can dig out that we'll both like."

"I'm sure I'll be fine with whatever you choose." He winked at her as he headed into the kitchen in search of provisions.

Her smile was real now, and stayed so for the whole evening as they sat, sunk against the sofa, eyes upon the screen, every so often glancing away to look at each other. John's arm came tighter around her and she snuggled up further, curling her legs up onto the seat and pillowing her head against his broad chest. Everything that was remotely troublesome ebbed away from her, obscured and overcome by this moment. Even if she couldn't be completely sure that she wasn't wrong about her rather impulsive choice, somehow it didn't matter. Not when this part of her life felt so very right, and of that she was most definitely certain. Anna smiled as John's fingers moved just perceptibly against her, as she felt his heart thud at their closeness and the tension of the drama that was playing out on the screen.

She had him, and that meant there was no need to be afraid.


	12. Chapter 12

Anna leant back against the bar, held so deep in concentration that she started a little when she felt the cool chrome at her back. Clamping her hands to her hips, she tilted her head just a touch to the side and squinted her eyes slightly, hoping to see something as yet undiscovered from this new angle. She was quite certain she had never studied an arrangement of flowers so hard in all her life. She couldn't quite put her finger on it, but they didn't look right anywhere, although the options hadn't exactly been exhausted, even if she felt like she already was. Then, there was the balloons to think about. Touching a hand to her temple and letting the other extend out the length of the bar, she sighed to herself. She had debated long and hard about the presence of balloons, believing they were highly unnecessary, but Robert had insisted that it just wouldn't feel like a party without them. That was despite Anna saying that it was a  _launch_ , not a  _party,_  but even as she thought the words, she bristled. Being out of the job for a while didn't give her the excuse to turn into a PR nightmare, something she insisted she'd never be. Letting her hands fall to her sides, she closed her eyes, counted slowly to ten and took a meditative breath. All thoughts of flowers and balloons flitted from her head for a blissful moment and already she was feeling much calmer.

Her peace was interrupted by the crash of the door dead ahead. Anna's eyes flew open to see Robert clattering through the entrance, his reddened face almost hidden by the stacks of crates he was cradling in his arms. He was teetering more precariously from side to side with each faltering step he took. His wheezes of exertion couldn't go unnoticed and Anna skipped a little to reach his side with waiting arms for anything that might topple to the gleaming polished hardwood floors.

"I've got it, I've got it," he chattered breathlessly, suddenly hurrying up as he approached his welcome destination, banging down the load onto the counter. "Christ," he could be heard muttering as he swiped a hand across his brow and then planted both at his waist, straightening out his back with some effort. "That was worse than the bloody gym."

Anna chuckled seeing Robert trying valiantly to regulate his breathing, the process taking a while. Before she could see whether he'd been entirely successful, a rush of air entered the restaurant again, making her hair swish about her as she pulled it into a ponytail. She smiled as John walked through, carrying the same amount of cumbersome crates with relative ease compared to Robert. His fingers wavered a little upon the criss-crossed plastic and she could see the muscles in his arms strain with the weight, getting tauter by the second. The lock of hair that was prone to breaking away from the rest was dangling over his eyebrow, bobbing up and down, and while she was rather sadistically enjoying its movement she also had the strongest urge to get up on her tiptoes and tuck it back between her fingers. As he curved to carefully place down the cargo, Anna touched her hand lightly to his back, feeling the ripple of his spine as he eased upwards. Her breath caught a little as he glanced over his shoulder to meet her eyes, his hands still firm on the top crate.

"I can manage," he said with a smile in his voice, turning slightly at the waist.

"Of course you can," she replied softly, her hand lingering upon him before she let it drift away, fiddling with a strand of her own hair that had become loose. "I just wanted to be there, just in case."

Having ascertained that everything was fine, he turned around fluidly, scooping his still warm hands around her. Anna yelped in surprise as he lifted her for a moment from the floor, her hands braced against his forearms. Grinning, he dipped to kiss her, the loose lock of hair tickling against her forehead as his mouth was pliable against hers.

"Put her down, John," Robert's voice bellowed from the back room, and they were both a little shocked to be caught apparently out of sight. "Pick those up instead and bring them through."

They stood for a few seconds, looking at each other in surprise, still caught up in the aftermath of the thrilling kiss. John stuttered a laugh, clearing his throat to shout back his response.

"Yes, m'lord," he yelled, and Anna had to giggle at the look on his face while she gathered herself. "I thought I was taking orders from you," he whispered to her, leaning closer than she'd bargained on, wrapping one arm about her waist again.

"You'd better do as he says," Anna answered, her fingers dancing over his jacket while she fixed her eyes upon him. "I suspect he could blow a gasket at any second with all the stress. We shouldn't run the risk and toy with him, not today."

John smirked a roguish grin and she felt her reserve slipping. "It's so much fun, though."

Anna shook her head towards him, the smirk painted over her own face undermining her vastly. "John Bates, you are terrible sometimes."

He jumped on his toes, moving away from her just long enough to avoid being swatted by her hand. She managed to grab onto his forearm and he let himself be won, drawing himself close to her again.

"Is there anything else I can do for you before I surrender myself to my captain?"

Anna smiled into his hazel eyes. "I don't think so. Just turn up tonight, looking your handsome self."

John circled his strong arms around her, smiling as he did so. "I don't know about handsome, but I'll try. And I know I wouldn't miss it for the world." He stole a glance over his shoulder, across the restaurant floor. "Rob would never let me live it down if I did."

Anna bit softly on her lip when he swivelled back to her, her shoulders raising as he brought her deeper to his embrace.

"But you know who I'll really be there for."

His voice was low, rich surrounding her. A thrill raced through her head to toe as she kept her hold on him, reluctant to let go.

"You know," his head had lowered further and his breath was brushing against her earlobe, "I'm looking forward to tonight being over, when I can have you to myself for a little bit."

She smiled at the thought, his words rushing over her and ringing in her ears. She couldn't resist playing with him, just a little.

"Well, we'll see," she uttered coquettishly, a finger trailing up and down the row of buttons studding his chest. "I'm sure I'll have a lot of demands on my time."

She heard him fail to suppress a sigh in his throat and glowed, craning onto her toes to brush a kiss against his stubbled cheek, letting her breath linger on him as he had done to her.

"I'm looking forward to it too," she breathed, leaving another sweet kiss upon him. He was wearing the warmest, widest smile as she lowered her heels back to the floor. She playfully tapped at his arm where he had rolled up his sleeves, marvelling at the bare skin. "Now, shoo. We both need to be getting on."

He nodded his head in a 'yes, ma'am' fashion and made his way to the back room where Robert was waiting for his service, glancing over his shoulder at her as he got further away. Folding her arms against her, Anna smiled. She had a million and one things to do before tonight, but she couldn't for the life of her think what they were.

* * *

Some swift hours later, all was well underway and the place was packed, buzzing with bodies. There wasn't an inch of floor that Anna hadn't covered as she dashed about to and fro, the quiet and reliable centre of everything, ensuring that everything ran smoothly and to plan. Now, she had taken up residence at front-of-house, shaking hands with and greeting the last few guests as they arrived through the doors, a natural and warm smile pinned to her face. Any niggling stress she had felt earlier in the day had left her completely, and she felt absolutely at home and at ease in her role, the whirlwind of activity settling to a mere lull at her feet. Until now, she had forgotten how much she had missed doing all of this – had forgotten how  _good_  she was at it. In the past hours, it had been like she had slipped her hand effortlessly into a glove that fit her perfectly and it had all come back to her instinctively, like second nature.

As she listened to the chat of those excited to see the restaurant, she touched her fingers briefly to her hair, set into 1920's style waves with a small decorative pin keeping it in place. She let the guests go with a smile and smiled to herself as she got the long overdue chance to take a breath. That seemed to be the last of the arrivals. She stayed hovering for a moment by the door, glancing across the crowd to the bar. She hadn't caught up with Robert all night, and smiled as she saw him clutching a champagne glass tightly, Edith standing near his side. Sandwiched in-between the two of them was a younger woman with a wild head of dark curls, dressed in tight trousers and a crop top that bared a little of her midriff. It was fair to say that she rather stuck out against the backdrop, and if she hadn't already known that she would be here tonight, Anna would be fairly positive that this was Sybil. As she made her way over towards the three of them, she could hear their talk getting more discernible.

"Couldn't you have worn something a little more fitting?" Robert questioned his youngest daughter with raised eyebrows, "And by that, I'm referring to the theme of the evening, not fabric. Of course."

He raked his eyes disapprovingly over Sybil's outfit, but she only tossed her head, her hair bouncing out around her.

"I only got back this morning, Papa," she shrugged. "This is all I had to hand that was clean."

Robert rolled his eyes, taking a cautious sip of his champagne. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Edith giggling, her hands covering her mouth.

"Show Papa your holiday souvenir, Sybil."

On her sister's command, Sybil promptly but a little shyly stuck her tongue out. The colour drained from Robert's face on the sight.

"What in God's name is that?"

"It's a tongue stud, Papa," Sybil chimed cheerfully, her words a little muffled as she removed her teeth from behind the silver-plated ball. "It didn't hurt."

"That's not my main concern."

The horror started to fade just a little from his expression as he leaned forward for a closer inspection. He was quite sure he would never be able to fathom his youngest girl, her streak of rebellion lasting for years now with no signs of abating. Edith was still chortling and Robert was faintly heartened by her amusement at the whole matter. He supposed that Sybil's prolonged defiance made up for the absolute lack that Edith displayed.

Edith's brows rose as she looked at her sister. "That's not all she came back with," she teased, her little finger in the air as she sipped from her glass.

"Oh heavens, don't say you got a tattoo as well," Robert began aghast, his voice trailing off as he noticed Sybil turning a distinct shade of crimson, and a thought that was even more fearful occurred to him. "Oh God, no. Not another one. Sybil…" He huffed in despair, watching his daughter smirk a little and shuffle her feet distractedly, placing a gentle hand upon his arm.

"Papa, let's not talk about it now."

Sybil smiled sweetly, shutting her eyes and raising her head to kiss his cheek. Robert looked mildly perturbed but at the same time quite happily resigned. A warm glow came over Anna, who found the scene incredibly sweet but tinged with sadness on her own behalf. She gave a little, aimless wave of her hand as she arrived in front of the trio, not wanting to intrude. Robert beamed a smile at her, placing his glass down on the bar.

"There she is, the trooper! Anna, have a glass of champagne." He scrambled around while his daughters laughed at his fussing.

"Oh no, I'm fine, honestly."

"Come on, you of all people should have the whole bottle. I won't take no for an answer."

She smiled graciously as Robert held out a glass by its stem, a strawberry perched on its rim. He was practically fizzing with enthusiasm, totally swept up in the atmosphere. "You know Edith," he jabbered, champagne nearly swilling out of his glass as he gestured.

"Yes," Anna responded, smiling and leaning to give Edith a kiss on the cheek, balancing her champagne flute and clutch bag in her grasp.

"And this is…"

"I'm Sybil!"

She interrupted her father with bags of her own enthusiasm, bounding forward and throwing her arms around Anna. All Anna could do was smile into her shoulder; Sybil was most definitely her mother's daughter, greeting her in much the same excited way as she recalled Cora doing the first time they had met. When she relinquished her embrace, she spied the slightly startled look in Anna's eyes and giggled, dark ringlets jumping.

"Sorry, Mama and Papa always say I'm a bit much first thing. But I'm so excited to be here and to see you, the person behind it all. Wow, you're so pretty."

Anna had to smile at how almost childishly sweet Sybil was.

"And I love your hair," she went on, pointing to the jewelled clip. "It's very vintage."

Anna touched her hand to her head once more. "Thank you. I love yours. I always wanted curly hair more than anything when I was little. I even ate all mine and my brothers' and sister's worth of crusts, but it didn't help."

Sybil grinned at her. "Oh, it's more trouble than it's worth. I wanted to shave it all off before I went away but Papa wouldn't let me."

"It was for your mother's sake," Robert piped up. "You know she would have never recovered."

Sybil rolled her saucer eyes and Anna let out a laugh, a little distracted. She turned at the waist, glancing at the crowds that had formed rapidly around.

"Where is Cora?"

"Oh, she shouldn't be too long," Robert affirmed. "She had a few things to take care of at home. Actually, I think she might have mentioned that John called, and said he was running a little late at work, so she planned to meet with him and come along."

Anna swallowed her sip of drink, the bubbles catching and causing her to rasp briefly. She had wondered why she hadn't seen him so far, and had found the time to worry about it amongst the haze of meeting and greeting all the guests that had arrived. Now that she knew, she felt a little better but still couldn't stop the anxiety from gnawing away. It was going to be a busy night and she only had a little window of time before she had get back to moving things along; if she didn't get the chance to see him now, then she wasn't sure when she would.

As if on cue, Cora came running out of the throng from the back door, waving her hands in the air, John trailing far more reservedly at her back, his head dipping up rather cautiously. Anna lit up immediately, the smile easing up onto her lips.

"I'm so sorry we're late," Cora shrieked, clasping Robert's hand and kissing both of her daughters and then Anna in turn. "The traffic was an absolute nightmare. I said to John that I hoped most of it would be coming here. And it looks as if I was right." She smiled a smile that showed all of her teeth, grasping onto Anna's arm. "Anna, this is wonderful. There are so many people here! You must be so pleased."

"I am, for you and Robert," she smiled modestly. "It's your night, after all. I'm just orchestrating it."

"You're such a darling." Cora leaned forward to give Anna another peck on the cheek before pulling back and smiling warmly towards her. "Well Robert, aren't you going to get me some champagne?"

"Certainly, darling." He reached to the tray to find it empty, and rolled his eyes. "Looks like I'll have to go into the back."

Cora grinned, her eyes twinkling. "Come on girls, go and mingle." She gestured with her hands for Edith and Sybil to move into the room and join the crowds. "While I go and help your father in the back."

Sybil let out a whine of mock-disgust as Cora grabbed onto Robert's hand, winking at Anna as she tottered away. Anna chuckled, watching the girls go off in one direction and Robert and Cora in the other, more than a little relieved that she had the chance to be alone with John; at least alone as they could be in a restaurant full to the brim with people. She glanced up at him, wearing a dark suit and maroon shirt, a tuft of chest hair peeking out of the open top button. Anna smirked at the sight, seeing his eyes fixed downwards upon her. He hadn't said a word yet, not that he'd had much of a chance. It felt like she had waited a while for him to say something, and she was going to move to break the silence when he finally did, a little hesitatingly.

"You're matching the theme," he said, his gaze focused upon her replica beaded dress, in a rich dark red.

Anna smiled, her hips twirling just a little in response.

"And so are you."

She leaned in, letting her fingers land on his shirt collar, incredibly close to where the patch of his skin was exposed. She felt him shiver slightly and was happy at the reaction she had produced, until she noticed that his whole demeanour seemed shaken. Frowning, she curled her hand around to the back of his neck, the presence of her touch making his head bob up towards her. Her other hand grazed his cheek lightly.

"What's up?" she said in a voice so soft, even though they were cocooned in a corner away from the rest of the room.

She saw the corner of his mouth quirk up while his eyes remained lowered, and felt a touch reassured.

"It's nothing," he uttered, shaking his head. He let out the smallest laugh. "It's just…we were on the way here, in Cora's car, sitting in traffic. Done it a million times before. And all of a sudden, I felt absolutely racked with nerves."

Anna's face softened, and she felt her heart melting inside her chest. This man never failed to surprise her. He gazed up at her after what seemed an age, and she was overwhelmed by the earnest look set deep within his eyes. Even though she found it unbearably cute, she couldn't stifle the soft laughter that rose from her.

"Nervous? Whatever for?" she enquired, genuinely puzzled but definitely endeared. Her hand rested in its natural place upon his forearm. "You've no call to be nervous."

He continued to stare longingly at her, making up for lost time. "I'm not so sure that's completely true." He fiddled with the cufflinks under the sleeves of his jacket and fixed her with a smile that nearly took her breath away. "This is a big night for the two people who mean the most in the world to me."

A shiver went up her spine, her mouth hanging open slightly at the words he had said.

"If that doesn't give me justified cause to be an absolute wreck, then I'm not sure what will."

He planted a tentative hand on her hip, not wanting to crease her dress. His smile grew wider as she fixed her own hand firmly over it.

"Look at you, though," he exclaimed, his voice still gentle. "You're fine. Complete picture of calm and grace." He reclined to take a proper look at her, but couldn't last long before her arms pulled him back. "You don't even need my luck."

Anna grinned, wrapping herself around him. "But I do. I'm glad you're here. I wouldn't want it any other way."

She heard the seductive note in her voice, swallowing it with a giggle before covering it completely with a kiss upon his lips. She had to sigh a little; she'd been crying out for him all evening and found herself sinking into the kiss, sinking against him, feeling for a few moments as though the whole world and all its expectations had disappeared with no trace. His hands were strong against her hips, fingertips running over the beads of her dress, and she was a little annoyed when she had to push away and return back to earth.

"That'll have to do for now," she sighed. "I have to get back. Unfortunately."

"Your public awaits." He smiled, leaving a kiss on her forehead while he released her fingers from his own, one by one. Anna returned the grin as she made to go, turning back on her heels just before she disappeared completely, flitting close as she could to his ear.

"Later," she breathed huskily. "We need to celebrate. Your place or mine?"

John's eyes widened and a smirk flew up on his lips as he watched her delightedly. "I'll leave it entirely up to you."

He could only stand staring in amazement as she went into the room, her form like a beacon that would be seen from miles away. He felt like he'd been here a thousand times before, but every time he felt the jump in his heart, his head lose grip and was left completely astounded. Nothing and nobody had ever affected him in this way, and he already knew it was past the danger point, yet in these moments, and so many more, he couldn't care.

"Alright, mate?" Robert was there suddenly, clutching a bottle of champagne with his collar ruffled and lipstick on his cheek. "Need a glass?"

"No, I'm alright," John said, his eyes still seeking Anna out in the crowd. He smiled satisfied when he saw her, and turned slowly towards his friend, immediately amused by his appearance. "You look like you've been having quite the time of it."

Robert grinned, nudging his arm. "You know Cora finds me irresistible in a tux. You should try it yourself for Anna. Although I suspect you don't need to."

He winked at John, his eyes a little wonky, and John simply shook his head. The last thing Anna needed was a tipsy Robert on her hands. He made a note to himself to keep an eye on him, and let out a contented sigh.

"I don't know, Rob," he heaved, his chest expanding with the breath exhaled, "I feel a bit lost suddenly. Well, it's not sudden, I suppose. But it may as well be, the way I've been." He turned to look at his friend, who was leaning heavily against him. "Is this what it's like, when it finally happens; that it takes you unawares, so completely?"

Robert narrowed his eyes at John, a flash of concern coming up from within them. He wondered if he'd said anything to her. He decided it wasn't his place to ask. Instead, he tapped John heartily on the arm, directing both their gazes back into the room, back towards Anna.

"Look at all this, John. It's bloody brilliant," Robert slurred slightly, casting his free arm out into the air. "And it's because of her. She's a gem, she is."

John sighed again, a smile creeping back onto his face. "Don't I know it."

"You better had know it." Robert hiccupped, taking himself by surprise. There was silence as he recovered himself, and John went deep in contemplation. Something had to give, he knew that much, but he prayed it wouldn't be this.

As Robert tried to pour out more champagne from the empty bottle, John managed to hear him repeat one word to himself.

"Marvellous. Marvellous."

John smiled.

 _Yes,_  he thought.  _She is marvellous._

* * *

"It's official. I love you."

Robert bounded back over to Anna after dinner and the musical entertainment, when everyone had gone back to milling around the restaurant and chatting amongst themselves. He grasped her by both arms, landing a sloppy kiss on her cheek.

"Steady on," John's voice came from her side, his hand touched to the small of her back. His tone was still light even though his words were firm, and she could tell he was jesting with his oldest friend if there was a tiny hint of warning in there.

"You are a genius. I'm ecstatic!"

Anna beamed with unassuming pride. "I'm just happy to have been a part of it all. I actually won't know what to do with myself now."

Robert took a quick breath, smiling. "Well, it's funny you should say that. Mary's been looking to start a business for a while, she wants to go into events but really, she has a head for numbers. She needs someone with creative vision to compliment her. A few people have approached her, and Cora suggested some friends of friends, but none have worked out, for one thing and another. Mary's quite fussy…"

" _Quite_ fussy?" John piped up, straining to keep his laughter in check, suggesting that perhaps this was an understatement.

"But I know you'd get on like a house on fire," Robert went on, undeterred. "Hang on, let me see if I can find her…"

In a flash, Robert had vanished, off to track down his elusive eldest daughter who Anna had actually yet to encounter. Turning around, Anna arched her eyebrows, laughing when she saw John doing the very same. The hand that was splayed in the dip of her spine now brought her into his arms and she went willingly, heart speeding up as she brushed against his body. She looked into his eyes and felt herself glow with all the promise she saw held there.

"Alone at last," he whispered in a hushed, husky tone and while she felt tingles rip through her at those three words, Anna had to giggle. She was happy that he did the same.

"I'm sorry I haven't been with you much tonight," she said, smoothing a tiny crease from the arm of his jacket.

"Hey, it's fine. You need to do your thing. And you do it so well." Even in the low light, she could discover new, unknown colours in his eyes, piercing into her. His lips came closer to her cheek, and she shuddered despite herself. "Would you be very embarrassed if I kissed you, in front of everyone?"

Anna giggled, holding onto his neck, looking around briefly. Anybody who was around them seemed to be completely oblivious, wrapped up in their own conversations, but she couldn't have cared if they had nothing else to do but stare. She answered his question by pressing her frame intently to him and in the next second his lips were upon hers; delicious, feverish, warm, slow, sweet. She had experienced a whole myriad of sensations in this one kiss, and she would be happy for the journey to last for the remainder of the night.

When they finally let go, she was smiling wide. "John Bates, you are wonderful."

Anna was lost in his eyes, his smile that radiated. It was a curt cough at her back that snapped her out of it, and John chuckled briefly at the jump of her shoulders and her stunned face, still holding on to her as she turned herself round to see where it had come from.

Her expression couldn't be more different from the blissful one she had worn but seconds previously. Now, her face had fallen as she took in the positively Amazonian woman in front of her, immaculately and beautifully dressed in an ornate silk gown, which made her own feel rather shabby. Her plump lips were pursed tightly in an expression that was impossible to read and though her eyes were chocolate brown, somehow there was still an icy glare buried deep within them. Anna was at once incredibly intimidated.

John broke the silence that had fell in the space between the two women. "Mary," he nodded towards her, an acknowledging smile in his voice.

"Bates." Her face remained impenetrable for a long moment, before her lips cracked and she burst into a welcome smile. Anna was relieved to let out the breath she had been holding. "It's been a while. Good to see you."

"Likewise."

"And you must be Anna."

She was holding out a graceful hand towards her, and after a second of uncertainty, Anna took it.

"Charmed," Mary uttered, the steely edge falling away from her tone and her gaze warming significantly. "I've heard a lot about you. I have to say, I'm impressed with tonight." The way in which she pronounced her words indicated that perhaps that wasn't an easy thing to achieve. "I'm certainly interested to discover more."

"Well, I'm happy to tell you as much as I can."

Anna relaxed as Mary smiled wider, and they fell rapidly into interested conversation, that was less about event planning and business and more about everything else that two women almost the same age had as shared interests. Anna complimented Mary on her dress, and it turned out that it was an authentic piece from the era, having been passed down from her grandmother who had worn it in high society when she was Mary's age. Already, she felt quite in awe of Mary but in a good way, having gotten over the initial awkwardness. Daresay she thought that the more they talked, the more at ease she felt. From all she had heard about Mary, she had expected them to be worlds apart and to have very little in common. Now that she had met her in person, she was happy to have dismissed that notion quite swiftly.

As they chatted away, John had tapped her lightly on the shoulder, pointing over to the far end of the room where Robert stood. Anna gave him a smile as he walked away, watching the stride of his long legs and teething her lip before she returned to talking to Mary. For a few moments at least, she couldn't prevent her mind from wandering elsewhere.

* * *

Anna had done another couple of circles around the restaurant and was now standing by the bar, talking animatedly to guests who still remained. The hour was late and her energy was waning, but after a few seconds and a sip of sparkling water she was revived. She smiled as she received compliments, rebuffing them onto Robert, and happily chatted. Even if she was approaching the point of exhaustion, she was feeling good about how everything had gone. In particular, she was feeling very good about the moments she had managed to spend with John. She hadn't seen him since she had been with Mary but she wasn't worried. He wasn't far away, and after all she had his unreserved company to enjoy afterwards. She allowed herself a secret little smirk at the thought.

A glare of light flashed into her eyes, leaving her disorientated for a moment. As the couple she had been talking to moved away, her line of vision was unobscured. She thought she must have been seeing things. It couldn't have possibly been. Anna blinked furiously. The figure standing just a little way in from the doorway was still there, hands in pockets, staring towards her.

It was.

_How on earth…?_

A cold chill washed over her as she made her way across to where Jeremy was rooted, her stomach somersaulting sickeningly. His lips quirked into a smile when she arrived before him, and he used his hand to tuft his hair up when it was clear that she wasn't going to take it.

"God, Anna. This is fantastic. You look fantastic."

"What the hell are you doing here?" she barked in a low tone, the annoyance and pure shock unmissable. Nothing for months, and now this, tonight of all nights. He was simply smiling, no idea of the chaos he had unleashed in her internally. "You can't just turn up like this, it's a private party. It's a really important night for me." Her hand had begun to tremble against her arm.

"Yes I can, Anna. I can just turn up. It's the most important turn up I've ever done."

He still looked calm, unbothered, but his voice was insistent. She'd never heard him speak in such a way before. The look in his eyes made it obvious he wasn't going to leave, and she sighed heavily, rolling her eyes upwards.

"We can't talk in here."

Hoping they couldn't be seen, she gave him a quick shove on the arm. His face had brightened considerably as she ushered them out onto the street and she felt deflated at once, thinking she might have unintentionally given him something to latch onto.

"Five minutes. No, that's being too generous."

She tried not to meet his gaze, fixing her eyes onto the faint spark of a streetlight in the distance.

"Anna, please, look at me."

She huffed, having to relent. His face was open, far too hopeful, smiling as she turned her gaze towards him.

"I mean it, you look amazing."

"How did you get in?" She shot back, not taking the bait, needing to know.

"That guy you used to work with, Thomas, he told me about it. Said he could get me a ticket if I paid him enough."

"Sounds about right," she sighed into the night. This was just unbelievable, but somehow wasn't at all. She stared down at her feet. She really couldn't look at him right now, though she felt his eyes burning into her skin.

"Look, I know I've been an idiot, not getting in touch. And I didn't mean to just turn up out of the blue like this."

Anna couldn't stop herself from snorting derisively. That was Jeremy all over, he never  _meant_  to do anything, but he did it all the same. She couldn't help thinking he wasn't being entirely honest.

"But it was just the way it went. And I couldn't not." He paused for a moment, and the silence echoed like a tunnel in her ears. "It's over with Claudia. A couple of weeks ago now, I swear. She got fed up of me talking about you all the time."

"So you didn't even have the balls to be the one to call it off?" Anna laughed. "Of course you didn't."

She was puzzled. It was only a few days ago that Claudia had confronted her, bold as brass, insisting that everything with her and Jeremy was all hearts and flowers. Not that it made a difference to her whether they had eloped and then it had all fallen apart an hour later.

"It doesn't matter how it ended," Jeremy replied firmly. "The fact is it has. Honestly, Anna." His voice lowered to a squeak. "I'm sorry. Really sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am."

God, he was like a broken record. She chanced a glance at him.

"We've been through too much just to drop this, haven't we? Surely."

"I've been the one who's been going through it all, Jez."

He sighed, shifting on his soles. "I'm ridiculous for not realising it until now, I know. But you're too good not to fight for."

She stamped her heel hard on the pavement, seeing him jump.

"Don't, Jeremy. Don't dare talk about fighting. I've been doing it for months, years, and I am tired. I can't do it anymore." Her voice caught, and she was surprised that she had to choke back a cry. She recovered herself, smoothing her dress while his eyes followed her movements. "I thought the fight had left you long ago."

He went silent, shrinking back from where he stood. Anna was relieved beyond belief, feeling able to breathe again despite the fact that they were in the open air. She felt woozy, and had to lean her hand against the wall, feeling the scrape of the stone against her palm jab into her. She didn't want to look to see whether she had been cut.

"Good looking bloke," Jeremy said suddenly, his face turned into the window. "Are you seeing him? I'm sorry, it's not my place to ask."

Anna's heart was pounding against her chest.  _Please say that he hadn't seen_.

"You're right, it isn't."

She stared at the ground for a while, too scared to look in either direction. Jeremy was quiet too, and she found herself wishing surprisingly that he would say something, the feeling around them so unsettling.

"I have to go back inside," she managed to say, quietly.

Jeremy nodded his head. "Of course."

Anna looked at him for what felt like too long, expecting him to make some kind of move towards her, to try and kiss her on the cheek. Instead, he had clasped his hands behind his back.

"Will you come and see me, Anna? Please, there's so much more I have to say. Just an hour, that's all I ask of you."

She inhaled slowly, her eyes flickering into the large glass pane consciously. Jeremy was awaiting her answer with wide eyes, looking like a puppy who'd been rescued from a puddle and was waiting to be lavished with its master's love and attention.

"Soon? Please?"

"I…I don't know." Her voice was so small in her throat.

He looked at the ground, nodding apologetically as he stepped away. "Sorry. I'll go now. Thanks for listening, Anna. I know you didn't have to."

_You didn't very well leave me much choice._

"You know where I am when you decide. Have a good night. I'm really proud of you."

It took a few moments for her to remember where she was and what she was supposed to be doing, the warm night not quite reaching her. She smiled shakily at a passer-by who looked at her, concerned, and with a deep breath and an effort, she pushed the door of the restaurant back open. A rush of warmth hit her, a swirl of chatter and the refrain of jazz music heavy in her ears. She felt incredibly disillusioned suddenly. A waiter was at her side, shunting a tray towards her, offering her another glass of champagne which she politely refused.

Her mind flooded with confusion and worry, her eyes frantic across the room. She hoped and prayed that he had been tucked up somewhere, occupied; that he hadn't even noticed her leaving for a few moments. The only thing she wanted now was to see his face, reassuring as he looked back at her across the room, making everything alright again. It was dangerous to rely on one person for so much comfort. The only thing she wanted was not to see him and have her eyes give herself away.

When she caught sight of him at the bar in the spot she had previously been, at a vantage point right opposite the window, she was utterly crestfallen.

John came over, a smile that she thought was a touch uneasy on his face. Anna fought to keep herself composed, digging deep for her own smile to show itself as uncompromised as it could be.

"Are you alright?" he said, his voice laced with quiet concern, his hand reaching out to touch her shoulder. She didn't know why she inched away.

"Yeah…yeah." Anna shook her head, a few strands falling free from the tight waves. "I just needed to step out for some air."

She knew he must have seen her with Jeremy. He couldn't have missed it. Her chest began to tighten uncomfortably.

He frowned at her, his forehead wrinkling lightly, his eyes underneath soft and seeming a bit sorrowful. He took a breath, looking at his watch and then back at her.

"It's getting late."

"Yeah."

"We can make a move if you want."

Anna braced her head against her temples, rubbing lightly and subconsciously.

"Um, you know, I just want to go back home. On my own." She felt a stab of guilty pain wrack her as she glanced up briefly, seeing the look in his eyes change on the instant. "It's been a long day, I'm just wiped out." She managed a weak half-smile. "I'm no use to anyone in this state."

"Of course," he barely whispered, and Anna had to screw her eyes shut. She could hear it in his voice. How strange that everything could change in a second, and still she did nothing to help matters. She screamed at herself for it.

"I can see you back in a cab."

"I'm fine by myself." She blanched at how cold she sounded. She didn't dare look up at him, but let his hand rest upon her like the fall of a feather.

"Let me at least walk you out."

Anna kept her gaze ahead of her as they went out into the street, John a few cautious steps behind, ready to catch her if she stumbled or take her fast into his arms if she changed her mind, but she didn't. Instead, she climbed into the cab that he had hailed, fixing on the seatbelt with stumbling fingers and shutting the door with a loud bang that made her recoil. She closed her eyes for a few seconds, unexpected tears prickling and pressing against the lids. She took a breath, counted to ten. There was just enough time before the vehicle pulled completely out of sight, and she swivelled round on the seat, eyes staring out the bubble of glass. He was still standing on the pavement, hands planted in his pockets, looking far off but not failing to find her.

She sniffed loudly, swiped a hand over her nose and then her mouth to prevent a silent scream of despair from coming forth.

Her head was lost. She just hoped that what they had wasn't, but for now, she didn't know.


	13. Chapter 13

When she woke that morning, Anna was even groggier than usual. Twisting to and fro and burrowing into a ball underneath the covers didn't prevent the light from painfully intruding so she resigned herself, rolling onto her back, head lolling on the pillow, eyes scrunched up as she held her hand over her forehead. She groaned heavily; she couldn't have got more than four hours sleep at most. Her nights had been awfully fitful of late. She supposed the dream that had caused her to awake startled, broken out in a cold sweat in the middle of the night didn't help matters.

It had been so vivid; for moments afterwards she had been convinced that her mind was simply replaying a deeply regretful reality back to her. She was at the restaurant with John at her side, her hand tight in his. He looked completely adoring as she glanced up at him and she had flushed when he bent to kiss her warm on the cheek, slipped his arm down round her waist, whispered in her ear. She laughed as his fingers began to play at her neck and she turned swiftly to kiss him, but found Jeremy there instead, smiling at her, persuading her. She knew that she didn't want to but she wasn't able to stop herself as his hand dug into her waist and then his lips were upon hers, hot, insistent. In the distance, her name was cried out in a strangled whisper. She broke away to see John standing in front of them, pain etched deep upon his face, his heart torn away and broken in her very hands. She tried to call back to him but she was stopped by another deep kiss from Jeremy, held firm in his grasp. Her eyes flew open and all she could see was John going further and further, looking at her in disbelief all the while, the hand of another clasped around him, leading him away…

She found herself sitting bolt upright, her hand resting over her chest that was pounding almost as furiously as the blood against her head. Folding the covers back between her fingers, she sighed. Nearly a week had gone by since that night, when she had left John there, forlorn on the street while she rode away without so much as a word to explain why. And now, she had not heard so much as a word from him. She supposed it was only what she had deserved, but still it made her utterly miserable and really quite worried. It was a strange feeling; she had become so accustomed to him in such a short space of time, talking to him at least over the phone if she didn't see him in person. Now that the contact had been severed, so swiftly, it actually felt as though she had lost a limb, lost some vital part of herself. Her heart seemed to forget how to beat in time.

She couldn't believe how stupid she had been. There was absolutely no question in her mind that she wanted John, wanted to be with him in every way possible. They had been having such an amazing night, and more than ever she felt aware of the connection between them, so natural, so overwhelming…a lot like  _love_. It had just taken her by surprise, to see Jeremy appear out of nowhere. It had knocked her sideways, stopped her from thinking and functioning properly. It was the only explanation for the way she had acted in the aftermath. God, why had she been like that, dismissing John out of hand when he had only cared about her? She had felt it surrounding her then, felt shame for how she spoke to him even as she was doing so. It was the look in his eyes when she was turning him away, full of hurt and uncertainty. It was the look in his eyes when she had found them again, stepping back inside. She could see that look every time she closed her eyes. It was indescribable, but she knew one thing it said without having to speak.  _Heartbreak_. Completely unnecessary and unfortunately confused, but unavoidable when she couldn't even raise her voice to say otherwise.

Anna took up her phone, left on since she had woken in that dreaming frenzy. Her heart sank deeper when she saw there were no messages left overnight from John. She hadn't expected them, but she wished the last few hours might have changed his mind.

The screen wasn't absent of notifications. She shook her head as she saw the five text messages and three missed calls from Jeremy's number. She couldn't stop herself from cursing aloud in the silent room as she threw down the phone, the tirade petering out into tired laughter. If she didn't feel so hopeless, her laughter would have been far lighter, more hysterical. It was funny really, the way the tables had turned.

In minutes, she was sitting in her fluffy robe at the table, shoulders slumped over a particularly soggy bowl of cereal. Anna was engrossed in quietly trudging her spoon around the mixture rather than actually eating it, her mind otherwise occupied. Out of the corner of her eye, she managed to notice Gwen sweeping into the kitchen, not that she could have failed to, with the noise she was making clattering bowls and spoons around.

"Good to see that you've left at least a drop of milk for me," Gwen remarked, shaking the contents of the pint bottle. "Jesus, that's absolutely swimming."

"Oh yeah."

Anna sat peering into her bowl, her gaze focused upon the cornflakes all but drowning in the sea of milk she had poured in until Gwen plumped herself down into the seat opposite, crunching into her toast.

"I didn't really notice. Actually I don't know why I made it; I'm not even that hungry."

She pushed the bowl away from her in disgust, half-heartedly, feeling guilty for doing so a second later. She did have quite a morning ahead of her, she should at least attempt a little more, even if her stomach protested. With reluctant fingers, she dragged the bowl back across the table top and prised up the spoon, grimacing as she heard the sludge within. She didn't have to gaze up to know that Gwen was shaking her head softly in despair.

Despite herself, she let out another sigh. Her elbows slid down over the table, sulking, until she appeared to have been given an electric shock out of the blue, her shoulders shooting up and her body stiffening.

"God, Gwen, you don't think something has happened? To John?" The thought had only just occurred to her, and Anna believed it was a plausible one. She felt paralysed with panic, and instantly sickened.

Gwen simply shrugged, finishing off her slice of toast. "You would have heard if it had, one way or another."

Anna's eyes were still wide and her face still pale, but she relaxed marginally as she realised Gwen was probably right. She took one final mouthful of cereal before deciding it was quite enough, the bowl still more than half full.

"Here's a crazy idea," Gwen announced from the other side of the table. "You could always try calling him yourself."

Anna pouted. "I have, a couple of times. But his phone's been off. It seems like a sign, really."

She knew his battery could have been flat, or maybe that he was simply busy. But she couldn't shake the feeling that perhaps he was deliberately screening her calls, choosing to ignore her. It wouldn't be something that he'd normally do, but really, she couldn't blame him for acting out of the ordinary when she'd done the very same thing. It was up to her to call, to say that she had been wrong and apologise. She just dreaded the possibility of him not accepting.

"I don't know, maybe I'll try again when I get back. You know I've got that appointment in town with Robert's daughter."

She'd almost forgotten that was today, and wondered if there was any way she could get out of it. She didn't particularly feel at the top of her game to be discussing potential business plans, even if she had spent the night before outlining everything. No, it was no good, she had to get on with things. It was the best way to put John out of her mind. Even though she knew he wouldn't leave.

"I didn't leave a message, either time. Maybe I should have left a message. I don't know what I would have said."

Gwen stood with her hands planted on her hips, having already washed all the things at the sink while Anna had been ruminating. "Do you actually know if he saw you with Jeremy? I mean, it's not like you did anything with him. Or did he try?"

"No, no. He acted like a gentleman." She let out a little snigger, disbelieving the irony of it all. "I honestly don't know, Gwen. I didn't notice him around when I went out, and not at first when I came back in. But he must have done."  _That look again_. "Oh god, why am I so bloody stupid?"

"Oh, Jeremy called by the way," Gwen announced, drying off a plate. "Twice in the space of half an hour. I told him where to go, but I have a feeling he won't listen to me."

Anna banged her head down onto the table, yelping as she made impact a bit too forcefully.

"Terrific. That's just bloody marvellous." She raked a hand through her hair as she lifted her head back up to see Gwen staring at her with sympathetic eyes. "Two months ago, I want Jez to come around, John comes around. Now I want John to call, Jez calls."

"That's usually the way life goes. It's a bloody shitter."

Anna managed a chortle at Gwen's acute observation, before dropping her head into both of her hands and making a gasp of exasperation. The situation wasn't quite the worst it could possibly be, but it did seem to be getting increasingly unsalvageable.

Gwen's comforting but insistent voice broke through her thoughts, bringing forth the questions she knew she had to answer, as much as she wanted to hide away from them. "What are you going to do? Do you want to see Jez?"

"Not particularly," Anna sighed. That was the last thing she wanted to do. "But I don't think he's going to make it easy to refuse."

She stared up at the ceiling hopelessly. If only she could just stay here, shut off her phone for a couple of days. It wouldn't solve anything, but she'd feel a damn sight better if she could just wallow for a little while. But then, she'd only be trapped with her thoughts. Her relentless thoughts of him. She swallowed hard, looking out towards the hallway.

"I just want to see John, to let him know I didn't mean anything. If only he'd turn up on the doorstep now…"

"But that's not going to happen." Anna stared at Gwen, her arms folded tight against her, her gaze firm but still supportive. "It's all in your hands, Anna."

She exhaled in despair and slightly hopeful recognition. Gwen was right, she knew, and it was down to her to sort this mess out, stop everything from slipping away. It was just a shame she didn't trust herself to keep grip.

* * *

Anna smiled as she stepped off the bus, into the relative lull of the city just before lunch. After somewhat of a strange start, she'd been able to muster enough willpower to shake herself out of her self-imposed daze and rediscovered her purpose as she went through the morning, heading across town to meet with Mary as they had arranged a few days back.

Everything had gone well; Mary had invited her to have some coffee and croissants over at the offices she had already bought a while back and for offices, they were really quite beautiful. They were in a renovated apartment block, consisting of the attic – which had a gorgeous rooftop view of the city – and the two rooms below. Anna could see that it definitely had potential and she had to admit that she could quite happily see herself working from there. The idea of having her own business, which had been a terrifying prospect just a couple of months ago, had much greater appeal with a partner to work alongside.

She found even more on their second meeting – she supposed it was their first proper meeting, really – that herself and Mary were on the same wavelength. They had some differing personality traits, of that there was little doubt, but they were ones that could be lived with and indeed, would complement each other well in business terms and as friends too. And already, they were firm friends. Mary praised Anna for her choice in coffee and the jam she had brought along and while she perused the outline proposals Anna had written carefully, she spent far more time simply chatting, eager to know as much as she could about Anna's background, of which Anna was happy to tell. As Mary reciprocated, Anna couldn't help but wonder why she had a reputation for being cold or difficult. To her, she was nothing but perfectly welcoming, embracing her warmly before jokingly insisting they part with a firm handshake to solidify the plans they'd discussed. Both had agreed they would set up a PR company, specialising in events. There was a little bounce in her step as she navigated her way across the streets; Anna couldn't deny the buzz of excitement at the approach of an ambition she had figured was years off. At least on that front, things looked as if they couldn't be better.

Her breath caught in her throat as she stopped at the traffic lights and saw the building across the road, standing tall, its windows glistening. Every day, even when her destination was not in the slightest bit near, she somehow found herself walking by John's office. Perhaps because she thought if she did so for long enough, the hour would finally come when she would catch him on the corner as he was popping out for a few minutes. It didn't matter that she hadn't so far; that only increased the chances. Hurrying her steps to get to the other side, she glanced at her watch. It was nearly lunchtime. She didn't have any rush to get back home, maybe she would run into a shop, get a sandwich and stay on the street to eat it, just long enough that she might see him…

This was getting ridiculous, she thought to herself. If she wanted to see him, she should just march in the doors and do it directly. That wouldn't be a problem, unless he was swamped with work and meetings. Then he surely wouldn't appreciate her barging in, bothering him with her silly worries. The best way was to let fate run its course; that was what had brought them together in the first place, after all, it couldn't steer her far wrong now. But she realised she was being foolish. That was the whole point of fate, that you couldn't control it or push it in the direction you wanted it to go. Perhaps they were only meant to have that bit of time, as short and sweet as it was. Perhaps she was meant to completely balls things up.

As she walked towards the building, willing her whirling emotions to batten down, her heart leapt up when she spotted a tall, dark-haired man striding out of the doors. The beating built fiercer in her chest as she started to run without realising she was doing so, watching his back keenly as he went on walking. If he would only turn around…

She was just about to reach her hand out to grasp onto the back of his coat when he turned, obviously aware of her presence. He was a few years younger than John, slightly slimmer, clutching a manuscript and staring at her with puzzlement. Anna stopped on the pavement, stammering out a 'sorry' before she quickened her pace again. Thank god the train station wasn't that far away.

She could feel herself burning from head to toe and her throat was starting to ache. She was sure she was going crazy now; if she looked long enough, she could see him in every face she saw. But none of them were him.  _Come on, Anna_ , she repeated to herself as she swept down the steps that would lead her underground.  _It's time to get a grip._  Easier thought than said, and easier said than ever done.

She hid herself away in the half-full carriage, letting her thoughts get lost against the chug of the tracks. Her head was splitting with a sharp pain, and she could think of nothing better than lying down on the sofa for a nap when she got in. She reached into her bag for her bottle of water and a packet of paracetemol and then heard her phone bleep loudly, grimacing a little as the sound shot right to her temples. Feeling fragile, she pressed lightly on the keys to open the message.

"Oh, bloody hell, I'll go then if that's what it takes!"

She looked up to see an older woman glaring at her outburst, and shrank back against the seat, turning her face to the illuminated display above. When the train approached the station, a few stops away from her intended destination, she stood before the door, grasping the rail, seeing pictures fly by her eyes in a blur. Life seemed to want to make her feel dizzy and completely confused right now.

Hopefully, this twist of fate would let her correct at least one thing.

* * *

The cushion felt uncomfortable beneath her as she shifted, feeling closed in and too warm in the cosy room. She may as well have been sitting on top of a bed of thorns. How funny it was, even now. This very place had been her domain for years before, the sofa she was nestled on where she would stretch out every evening, done in after a long day's work. Sometimes she'd be lucky enough to be treated to a foot massage. It was the one chore he never seemed to complain about. Gazing about her, she saw that everything was the same but looked completely different. Papers and pieces of junk that had been left scattered around for months had been tidied away, albeit into hasty piles in the corners of the room. The little coffee table had been swept of crumbs and there were even two coasters laid out on the surface. She allowed herself a small smirk; this was the most effort he'd put into the house ever. It all made her feel out of place.

Jeremy padded into the room, shirt half-tucked into his jeans.

"Are you sure you don't want a cup of tea?"

"No, I'm alright."

He sat down on the sofa with a bit too much enthusiasm, making Anna shift instinctively further along to the other end. This was already a bad idea, she sensed, but there was no getting out of it now. She would hear him out, for a little while at least. She glanced back across tentatively, seeing him bracing his hands upon his thighs, one of his legs jiggling incessantly. She wanted to be anywhere other than here at this precise moment.

"I'm really glad you came," he began with a stutter. "You know, I would have understood if you didn't. I know I don't deserve any of your time, but I know you have a good heart, Anna. That you'd find it in your heart to listen, if just for a moment. And I'm so thankful that you did."

He smiled hesitatingly at her, and she had to look away. It wasn't her heart that had brought her here; that was lying somewhere else. And if he'd been just a bit more considerate to the goodness of her heart then they wouldn't have gone through all this in the first place. She couldn't even bring herself to think about it.

His hands were now reaching to the floor, bringing up a paper covered bouquet.

"God. What are they?"

"They're flowers. For you." He held them out to her and she took them grudgingly, studying the red petals emerging from the stems. "Do you not like them?"

She let out a sigh, placing the bouquet on the table, Jeremy watching her every movement intently.

"You can't do this, Jeremy. You can't get me here, give me a bunch of flowers and expect everything to be patched up." She laughed, perhaps a bit too harshly. "What did you think I'd do, fall back into your arms, let you carry me off into the sunset?"

"No, but…I…"

The anger was swelling within her, the poison teeming from the walls. She hated herself for going back to that place in her mind, but she couldn't help herself. The urge couldn't be held back when she looked back up to see his eyes upon her.

"Every time I see you, I get that image lodged in my head. Of her, sitting on top of you…I don't think I'll ever get it out."

He shifted a little further towards her, holding his palm open. "It was nothing, Anna. One little moment. Come on, we had ten years together." His voice was pleading even more than his eyes were. "There's so much more to think about, all the good times we had. You must remember them."

"Well, it's funny how  _one little moment_  can take the place of everything else."

Jeremy pushed himself back onto the sofa, eyes raised up to the ceiling. "Okay, I know it'll take time. I understand that."

Was he really saying this? Did he really possibly think they could go back? Oh god, it was all her fault. She'd given him the green light by agreeing to come. Why had she done that? She really had no idea.

He had moved again, this time with his hand reaching out to her arm. She recoiled instantly, a panicked look in her eyes.

"Don't," she said, her voice firm and low.

Jeremy bobbed his head in understanding, pulling his hand back to rest against his thigh once more.

"I'll just ask this of you, Anna. That you try and put Claudia out of your mind. Please. She's out of mine, believe me. It's finished now. Over for good, I swear." He looked at his hands, now knotted together, before he shot her another searching look. Her stomach tightened like a vice as a smile arose on his face. "I mean, it wasn't her fault. But Claudia, she was just…well, she was never you."

"Well, it took you long enough to figure out the difference." Her tone was flat and emotionless as she tilted her head to the side in a sassy quirk.

"I know. I made a mistake, such a big, big mistake, and I'm sorry. I'm truly, truly sorry." He paused, taking a breath as he continued to stare her out. "I mean, this new bloke…this John Bates that you're seeing. Does he never make mistakes?"

A curdling shiver crept the length of her, and she found herself leaping from her seat.

"How do you know his name?"

Jeremy shrugged as she stood in front of him, accusing. "Mark's younger brother, Alfred, he's a waiter at that restaurant. Heard the boss talking a few times, they're quite close from what he said. Anyway, it doesn't matter how I know."

"It matters to me," she said in a choked whisper, still reeling.

She held her hand to her mouth, pacing back and forth as Jeremy's eyes were on her. A sharper pang of guilt stabbed at her insides. If John knew she was there…he probably wasn't giving her a second thought, all things considered. But then, if by some power he did know, that definitely would be it. She stole a glance at Jeremy, reclined on the sofa. She considered him a lot of things, but she never thought he had it in him to be so vindictive. Shock was swiftly replaced by fury.

"I don't want to talk about John Bates. I don't want to talk about anyone. If that's all you have to say, that you're sorry, then I've heard it all before. I don't want to hear it again. This was a terrible idea, but we both know what I'm like when it comes to them." She snatched up her bag and coat from the arm of the sofa, refusing to meet his gaze. "I have to go."

"No, Anna."

His fingers were grasping hers and her eyes fell upon them laced together, a sharp bolt shooting up her arm. In a second, he untangled them and she snatched her arm back to her side, cradling it close.

"I miss you, Anna."

His voice came out raw, laced with something she couldn't quite make out. Her head was still killing her.

"I hate not having you here, in our house, next to me. It doesn't feel right." He gazed down at the floor for a few long moments, then looked up at her again. "That's why I won't be here much longer. The truth is, I'm going to America. At the weekend."

"Oh?"

He nodded. "I've been writing a lot lately. Getting through pads at a rate of knots." A chortle came from his throat as his face shadowed. "It's true what they say. Heartbreak is good for writer's block."

"Oh, please…"

He ignored her throwing up her gaze to the ceiling in incredulity at his statement.

"Well, Mark said he was going out there and offered me a ticket…I thought it'd be a good chance to finish off the book, I haven't got that much left to do. Maybe it might even get some interest there, if I'm lucky. I'll be there for six months, maybe more. It'll be a completely fresh start." He paused again, taking in a breath as he studied her expression hard. "I don't expect you to want to come straight away, but I thought if you had time to think…"

Anna's eyes widened as she understood what he was implying after a few moments. "You're not serious. This has to be a joke."

"I'm deadly serious, Anna."

"You really think that I'm going to even consider dropping everything I've just got back together to go across the world with you? Someone I don't trust even to buy a pint of milk, never mind anything else."

Her voice lowered to a hush as she looked to the side, finding it hard to take much more of his gaze upon her.  _Someone I don't even like, never mind…_

"Anna, I swear, I will spend the rest of my life making this up to you. If we get away, start again somewhere else, I know we can put all of this behind us. Those good times we had, we can get them back. We were so good together. Remember how good we were together?"

She looked up to the ceiling again, gasping in a breath and shaking her head. If she pinched herself hard enough, maybe she'd wake up.

"I…"

The jaunty ringtone of Jeremy's phone blasted out, puncturing the tense atmosphere. Anna didn't think she'd ever been more relieved to hear it.

"Sorry. I'll get rid of them."

She watched as he jumped up, chattering into the phone.

"Mark, mate, this isn't a great time. Yeah mate, yeah, okay. I'll ring you back in a bit. Yeah? Cheers, mate. Thanks. Bye."

Placing the phone down onto the table, he straightened up, just watching her for seconds. Neither of them changed the looks they held in their eyes.

Jeremy breathed out heavily. "I'm just going to go the loo."

"I don't think I needed to know."

He huffed out a chuckle before his face changed in the next instant. "Please, Anna. Just think it over."

As he left the room, Anna walked around aimlessly, biting her nails, her head in a whirl. There was no need to think, but none of her thoughts were straight at the moment. Bouncing down onto the sofa, she let out a long groan.

The phone remained balanced on the table, its chipped screen blinking. She wondered for a moment whether she should. It wasn't really right to, but then again, nothing felt right about this situation. In the next second, she swept it into her palm, pressing dial on the last number in the call log. She steadied her breathing as she waited for the whirr on the other end to cease.

"God, Jeremy, you know I hate it when you pretend that I'm Mark. It's so pathetic. Anyway, I need to speak to you. I'm late. Four days. And I'm never late."

_The bastard._

Claudia's voice on the line got more impatient. "Jeremy? Are you there? Answer me."

She thought about replying, but it would have only caused more complication which she needed to be free of. Instead, she held down the call end button with enough force to turn the pad of her thumb white, collected her things and calmly walked out into the hallway.

His feet thudded down the staircase, coming to a swift stop when he saw her moving to the door.

"Anna? You're not going, are you?" His voice faltered when she didn't reply. "Can you at least give me an answer about everything?"

Her hair bounced a little as she turned her head to take one final look at his sorry figure. He had no idea that she knew, and yet she'd never seen him looking more shameful.

"Have a nice time. Sort yourself out. Just know that I won't be there to pick up the pieces. Not ever again."

She added one more thing before she left, to be absolutely clear.

"And don't call me. Don't even think about it."

Ten years were at an end, of that they were both now certain.

* * *

"God, I feel like such a mug!" Anna exclaimed, pacing the sitting room at an alarming speed. "That useless, no-good, shagging, horrible, lying, two-faced, pissing, shagging..."

"You said shagging," Gwen helpfully pointed out from the sofa.

"Wanker!" She wailed the word in almost a cry, thudding down onto the cushion next to Gwen, cradling her faintly aching temple. "Actually having the nerve to suggest I swan off to America with him, that everything would just be hunky-dory. I can't believe I actually went round there, that I even felt the tiniest ounce of empathy."

Gwen's hand was at her back, rubbing softly as she struggled to restrain her sobs.

"God, Gwen, you need to be with me at all times from now on. To stop me from making such stupid decisions. I don't think I can be trusted."

"I don't know," Gwen uttered reassuringly, putting a bit of Anna's hair back behind her ear. "It sounds like you did pretty damn good standing your ground and ending it with dignity. You know I would have done much worse."

She mustered up a small, slightly crumpled smile.

"You know the worst bit of it? Throughout it all, I couldn't stop thinking about John." He was there, looming large in her thoughts this very second. "It felt like I was being unfaithful to John just by being there."

"That sounds like the best bit," Gwen replied, her hand coming to a stop on Anna's back. "And you were."

Anna winced to think, acid burning in her throat. She raised her gaze from her lap, turning it to Gwen hopefully.

"I don't suppose he might have called? Popped round?"

Gwen didn't even have to shake her head for Anna to have her answer. It was getting harder by the second not to burst into tears.

"Oh god, Gwen. That's it. I've blown it. I've blown it completely, haven't I?"

Her knees started to rattle against the seat, her hands muffling her shallow breath as she brought them up to her face. She couldn't see any other possibility. Nearly a week, and nothing. She had messed up the best thing she had ever had, all because she took too long coming to a decision that needed no thinking over.

She couldn't stop herself from repeating the words in a whisper. "Oh god, oh god…"

Gwen's hand was upon her again, guiding her up.

"Come on," she said softly, giving Anna a little squeeze. "Everything will look better in the morning."

Walking up the stairs supported by her friend, she couldn't help thinking that the words, while well-meaning, were hollow, at least in her head. There was always hope, she supposed. She turned to see Gwen smiling, and smiled back. She just wanted to sleep, and hoped that she would have dreams that were better than her reality.

* * *

The next day started much the same as the ones that had preceded it. With still sleepy eyes, Anna heaved a sigh. At least she hadn't had any nightmares, which was one good thing. But she hadn't had any dreams either, and seeing as they were the only place she had the opportunity to see John now, it made her heart sink. Pulling back the curtains, she looked out to see that grey clouds were hanging heavy in the sky. She glanced at the screen of her phone briefly, only long enough to register that there was nothing awaiting there.

Coming up into the light of the street from the tunnel of the tube station, she strode along, keeping her head high. She smiled to herself tracing her steps, realising she was taking them yet again, looking ahead to see the building in the distance. Today it wasn't down to her head's, and more so, her heart's hopeless purpose. It really was the quickest way to where she was headed. She stopped for a moment at the road's turning, contemplating whether to duck into the next street for a coffee, her stomach grumbling. She ignored the sensation and shook her head, carrying on with her route straight ahead. A faint chime sounded, and she diverted her gaze downwards, rummaging in her bag for her phone while not ceasing her steps onward. She flustered, unable to get to the device, and she was aware of the person about to crash into her all the while.

In the next second, her hands were held out against the warm chest, her heart thudding against her own chest at her clumsiness.

"Sorry…"

"Sorry…"

The velvet-like voice overlapped her apology, and her fingers tingled fiercely where they still rested. She wouldn't let herself believe it.

Her eyes flew upwards, meeting a pair of hazel ones instantly.

There he was, right before her. John.


	14. Chapter 14

They stood staring at each other for some moments, frozen in time, almost unable to comprehend the other's presence. John twitched his lips into a crooked smile while looking into Anna's eyes, and she was faintly annoyed at herself for feeling so enamoured with him all over again, all at once. In all honesty, she wasn't quite sure whether she had dreaded or longed for this moment. She had spent near on every second of the last week yearning to be with him, desperate to know why it was he was avoiding her. While she certainly couldn't stifle the rush of exhilaration that ran through her gazing into those absorbing, simply gorgeous eyes, she was incredibly puzzled and more than a touch irritated too. As the wind brushed by, running through her hair, she let each frantic feeling subside and let them all just be. Either way, it had happened, and now they were both here in the centre of it.

"Anna."

He breathed out her name in a sigh, his lips curling up surer now.

Shivers travelled over her at an alarming speed. In less than a second, she was smiling back at him dreamily. If she had more sense, she would be furious at the way she was acting, playing into his hands completely. He had a way of doing things to her that she couldn't even explain.

"How are…"

They both rushed to ask each other the question at once, aiming to break the rather otherworldly daze that had surrounded them on the middle of the street. Anna looked down at the pavement, smiling as she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and heard him let out a low rumble of a chortle.

When he made no further response, she raised her eyes, captured by his gaze again, which seemed to be trying to assess before she confirmed it that she was well, after all.

"I'm good. I'm great, thank you."

She didn't know why she had lied. Self-preservation, perhaps.

"I'm glad to hear it."

He looked genuinely pleased to know that she was doing so wonderfully, even without him, and Anna felt as if her heart would crack open for him. She pressed her lips together in a half smile that she hoped would convey her true feelings.

"And how are you? Well, I hope."

He took a few seconds to formulate his reply, as if he was considering how far he should tell the truth. Anna didn't like being so suspicious, but then she was hardly one to judge considering the way she had been with him since the last moments she had seen him previously. Slowly, he bobbed his head and his eyes lighted, even if they didn't blaze completely.

"I am," he said, lengthening out the short words. "Well, that is."

She nodded in response, the smile still on her lips. The formality between them was quite unsettling, but there were deeper feelings fighting to rise up, break through, for both of them. She kept hers in control, just for now.

"That's brilliant."

His smile widened at her soft reply, and now she couldn't stop herself from relenting inside. The desperate need to know died out, replaced with the just as powerful urge to simply be close to him. To keep on staring into his soul. To go forward and kiss him, her hand upon his face as his lips parted against hers, telling her the only thing she ever needed to be sure of.

She was on the verge of doing acting all this out when all so suddenly, his fingers were on her wrist. She sucked in a rapid breath as they stroked her skin lightly just beneath the edge of her jacket sleeve. Her eyes fixed on his movements, visible to her alone, before she was compelled to look up into his eyes once more.

"Anna, don't think…" he began, and then stopped with a sigh. She could see that he was struggling, and she wanted to say that it didn't matter, none of it did, just to make it easier on him. But the truth was that it did, at least in some form.

She caught two of his fingers as they moved upon her, curling them in her hand. A comfort pervaded her, running through to him in that simple touch that said so much.

He smiled brighter than she had seen in a while.

"Please don't think that I haven't thought about calling. I have, you know."

"I didn't think," she smiled sweetly. A little white lie didn't hurt, not in these circumstances.

"It's just, things have got crazy. With work."

He hurried to conclude his sentence, lest she think he might be possibly referring to their own rapidly developing relationship.

She nodded her head. "I understand."

John shook his, discontented. "It's no excuse," he said firmly. "I can't imagine what you must have thought about me. And whatever and however many terrible curses you did think, they were all completely deserved."

"They weren't  _that_  bad."

He chuckled, his whole body relaxing from how it had been, curled tight like a coiled spring.

"Well, I'll call myself everything under the sun on your behalf. I have been, anyway."

He inched a little nearer to her on the pavement, lacing his fingers between hers for all too brief a moment. Anna hadn't realised how much she had missed the sensation of simply holding his hand. She thought now maybe that was what she had missed the most about their absence from each other. Even after he had let go, she was smiling at the feeling still rifling through her body, clinging on to and living upon the remembrance of his touch.

"I have thought about calling, all the time. Of course I would. I've thought about  _you,_ and hardly anything but _._ "

Somewhere, she let out an inward sigh of relief. She felt so silly for all of her fretting. She was thinking of him, and he was doing the same about her, all the while, just as she had known, just as she had felt in her heart. Still, hearing it confirmed meant the world to her.

"That's nice to know," she said without thinking, and then cringed at how flippant and wrong the sentiment sounded, as if she were being sarcastic. Luckily, John didn't see it that way and instead grinned wide at her, showing a little of his teeth, which was a rarity. She had to do the same.

"I mean it, Anna. I know it's ridiculous, but maybe it's just that you make me lose the ability to think straight."

Her cheeks grew pink as he fixed her with a deep stare.

"You're a busy man," she waved a hand in the air as she spoke. "You have a lot to think about. I'm just glad that I'm in there somewhere amongst it all."

"Of course you are."

His voice was so resonant, so sincere. Anna felt as if she were the only woman on the earth, listening to him speak, watching him watch her. She wished they hadn't lost this time, however short it had been. The memory of that night seemed so faded now in her mind, it was almost as if it had never happened. She smiled at him, open and true, unable to disguise her feelings. It didn't matter at all what he might have seen, what she had done. All that mattered from now on was them, going forward, together.

"Things have been hectic all of a sudden, and I've let myself get caught up," he continued to explain.

"You're entitled to."

He looked at her slightly sheepishly. "I don't want to get like that, though. Neglecting things. Important things."

She flushed hearing his words hang in the air.

"It's not fair."

Anna wasn't too bothered about what was fair, not when he was there in front of her, saying such things. The only thing she cared about was him.

His smile seemed to tell her that he knew.

"So, there was that. And also, I thought you might have other things going on." He looked down, faltering a little. Finding her eyes again after moments, he began to find his way back. "I thought you still had to deal with your other…your…"

Her eyes widened. "Jeremy? Oh, no. That's been dealt with. Not that there was anything to deal with. Really."

Again, she hoped she didn't come across too pleading, as if she was trying to guiltily cover up something that hadn't even existed. She saw John's chest rising and falling, finally breathing out something he had been holding for a while.

"I know things have happened between us," His voice lowered to a husky whisper, as if he was suddenly shy mentioning it. Anna was in the strange predicament of being endeared and really quite roused by the combination of what he was saying and how he said it. "But I also know we haven't really confirmed anything. I mean, I wouldn't want to presume, not if you didn't feel you wanted…and if you had things to sort, I'd be okay with that. You know I wouldn't mind. At least, I hope you do."

Anna broke into a breathtaking smile. She did wonder how often they were going to go round in circles with the matter of  _them_ , and while the feeling of not being totally sure made her quite giddy, she decided it was high time she put a stop to the uncertainty, at least on her part.

"Do you think I just go to bed with all the successful strikers I come across?"

There was a hint of confusion as well as amusement upon his face.

"Or centre forwards…" She racked her brains for any other footballing terminology, before giving up and laughing. "Or whatever it is."

The puzzlement had lifted, and all that remained was an unmistakable grin.

"We need to get you to Old Trafford," he laughed, and she was caught in the twinkle in his eyes. "But seriously, Anna, I didn't want to assume anything. I don't feel I'm in a position to. You've been through a lot, real life-upheaval things, and I don't want to charge in, put you in a position where you didn't feel comfortable."

She was smiling. Once again, he was proving to be the perfect gentleman, something she'd given up on believing existed. She really had no space to complain when her dreams were coming true before her eyes.

"I'm very comfortable with you."

She couldn't help herself from making the cheeky retort, seeing as it was completely true. As her giggles began to die down a little, along with the fuzzy feeling that was gathering in her stomach, she straightened her face, enough to be serious without being severe. She reached out for his hand, and he offered it willingly. His thumb began to stroke at her skin subconsciously and she sighed before she began to speak.

"I know you're being gallant and I love that about you." She flashed with heat as the twine of their hands brought their bodies closer together, and also with what she had said. Not quite a confession, but she couldn't help thinking she was getting ever nearer to coming out with it. "But I think you know what I'd like for us." She gazed down at their hands together, how his covered hers completely and how they fit so wonderfully, and she almost held her breath. "I hope you do, too."

She glanced up towards his waiting gaze, and held herself for his answer. Time expanded wider than she'd ever known.

"I do," he answered, and she wanted to shout with joy.

They shared a little moment, taking in the change that in a mere second had shifted everything for them, yet only marked what had already been for a little while. If only they were somewhere else, she could show him just how much that simple affirmation meant.

At once, she realised they were still standing in the street not too far from his place of work and she had to snap back to reality.

"I was just going out for lunch," John said to bring them out of their daze. "If you're not doing anything now, you could join me?"

"I'd love to," Anna replied. "But I've got a viewing for a flat in about forty minutes." She glanced at her watch. "I'm probably late enough as it is."

"Sorry about that," he murmured.

"I'm not," she smirked wickedly. "I could grab something quickly."

"I don't want to take up more of your time."

"Considering I haven't seen you in a week, I've no complaints."

They smiled at one another and Anna was fascinated, still finding that she had more of his smiles to discover anew.

"I tell you what, are you free for any longer than lunch?" she enquired.

"I've got an hour or so between meetings."

Anna smiled contentedly. "Well, why don't you come with me? If that's okay…you do know how much I value your opinion. And of all things, I am terribly indecisive when it comes to property."

John grinned towards her. "Why not? I quite fancy that I know a thing or two."

"That's sorted, then."

* * *

Walking through the streets, Anna's laughter floated on the air as she finished off her hastily bought baguette and listened to John regaling her with the antics she hadn't been aware of at the restaurant launch night while she was busy with other things, of Robert making a bit of a spectacle of himself.

"You did well to keep him hidden from view."

"Years of experience," he stated. "He always had to end up burrowed away in a corner after a long night, I'm more than used to being the one to handle it." He turned his head to look at her, his eyebrows raised and mouth quirked. "Besides, it wasn't Rob I was afraid of. I didn't want to risk incurring your wrath."

He chortled when Anna shot him a look of daggers.

"I'll have you know I would have been perfectly professional," she exclaimed.

"Hmm, I'm not sure," he teased at her, seeing that she was growing flustered. "I bet you're quite feisty once you get going, Miss Smith."

She hopped on her heels, aiming a light smack against his arm. He pretended to howl and cower in pain, and she had to giggle.

"I think I'd quite like that side of you," he rasped as they fell back into even steps together, throwing her a heated glance. Anna could only respond with a glowing smile.

It hadn't taken long at all, for any awkwardness as a result of their separation to be overcome and for everything to go back just to how it had been previously between them. They talked with ease, and there was an added lightness to their exchanges now, which seemed to come with their increased familiarity. Occasionally, Anna felt herself seeking his touch and John would happily oblige. To walk down the street with her hand in his, without a care, as if it was the most natural state of affairs, was the greatest feeling in the world to her.

She told him excitedly all about the set-up she had arranged with Mary for their own business, just the day previous. As she went through every little detail, he seemed deeply impressed, his brows raising higher on his forehead and his smile growing wider and warmer.

"What did I tell you?" he announced as she concluded. "I knew you'd be just grand with your own company. You'll take on the world, the pair of you."

Anna was a little more modest than John's lofty proclamations.

"Well, we've got a lot to put in place first, but fingers crossed. I have a really good feeling about it all."

"And so you should. I know it will all go absolutely swimmingly."

He stopped their tracks to brush her hair aside and place a soft kiss on her forehead. Anna closed her eyes for the moment and shuddered a smile before they went on.

"Mary's a great girl. She gives the impression that she's some kind of ice queen, but it's all a front," he assured, from experience. "From ever since she was tiny, she's been headstrong and determined to do well. And she'll be even more so when it comes to her own endeavours. But she's just as dedicated as a friend. She would do anything for those she deems close enough to let in to see the real her. And I have a feeling you've been fast tracked."

He smiled that knowing smirk at her again, and Anna matched him with one just as bright.

"It is funny," she conceded as they kept on, "I do feel like I've known her for years. And that's only with a couple of meetings. But we just clicked. Maybe it's a stroke of fate."

It was strange, how lightning had struck twice, with regards to friendship and also matters of the heart. She couldn't fathom it really, but she had decided that was exactly the joy of it.

John had the same idea.

"Perhaps," he smiled. "Everything's falling into place. You're a lucky girl."

"If you say so. You think very highly of yourself," she teased back at him, lifting her eyebrows and poking out her tongue. She was rewarded with a cheeky grin and hearty laugh.

Anna pondered what he had said. It really did feel that way, that everything was coming together and her life was rearranging for the better. To anyone else it might have been dramatic, too much to handle. Even for someone as strong as her, it had been trying. But now she realised a test had been precisely what she had needed to figure things out, to get her on her feet. She had been stuck, held rigid for years and years; she dreaded to think what might have been if something hadn't come along to wake her up. Sometimes, it took one thing for everything to change, for life to turn around completely and become complete.

She welcomed the wild beat of her heart as she kept looking at John. He had been the catalyst of everything, her one thing that made all the difference. She felt alive just thinking of how much more difference he would make.

She noticed that he had started to walk ahead of her while she had been daydreaming of precisely him, and he held his hand out behind him, towards her.

"Come on then, Miss Smith," he bellowed as she hurried along to grab it. "Let's see if we can get everything right for you."

* * *

"This is the lounge…it's very spacious, given the size of the apartment."

The eager voice of the estate agent rung out around the room as she showed them around, Anna carefully gazing around at the uncluttered space, the overview of the flat clutched in her hands. John stayed a little bit behind, surveying the walls and ceilings.

"You'll see that it leads on to an open-plan kitchen and dining space, which has a small balcony too." She pointed her arm to and fro towards the different areas, everything about her enthusiastic. "It has a really nice view of the city. Really, you won't get better value in such a well situated area."

"How long has it been unoccupied? Is everything stable and secure, as it should be?"

Anna flicked her head round to see that John was now by her side, asking questions about the state of the property as opposed to its superficial design. He outstretched an arm, testing his hand against a wall and then pressing it more firmly to assess the condition of the plaster. She smiled as he ran a questing finger over the join in the wall, looking very much as if he knew what he was checking for.

"Oh yes," the estate agent stuttered, smoothing down her skirt as John fixed her with an enquiring stare. "It's not long come back on the market, the last tenants moved out only two months ago. They were very pleased with the apartment, by all accounts." Her tone brightened as she saw Anna looking about inquisitively and John's expression soften as his eyes followed Anna's gaze. "It's a fairly new build, from five years ago. That means all standards have been met, but regular checks are carried out by the builders. When the tenants moved out they came back in and gave everything a thorough check."

The man seemed satisfied, and the estate agent was relieved to see a hint of a smile grow on his face as he regarded her, and then looked back again at the younger, petite woman at his side.

"May we see the upper floor?" Anna enquired, her tone of question gentler than John's had been.

The vibrant smile was back on the estate agent's face and she nodded furiously before she made to turn, leading the way towards the small staircase that went up to the ceiling eaves.

"Certainly," she chimed, bringing them both up to stand on the narrow landing. It was something of a tight squeeze for three people, and Anna was brushed against John, almost tucked in against his side. She glanced up at him as he slipped an arm about her waist, her blue eyes bright. She certainly had no complaints about the space, or lack thereof, where they were standing.

"Here, there's a bathroom at the far end and two bedrooms," the estate agent directed their gazes at the various doors. "The space is made good use of; even though there are only two bedrooms, they're very sizeable."

She led them into the room that was being used as the main bedroom, and Anna saw that the estate agent was being honest. It was almost bigger than the two bedrooms and bathroom put together at Gwen's. She took a little wander round, gazing out of the windows that stretched nearly to the floor. The clean white walls made the room even lighter and absolutely serene. She sank a hand against the soft double bed before she arrived back at John's side. In seconds, his hand was nestled again upon her hip and she leaned into his touch unconsciously, the warmth of his arm so good at her back.

"The other bedroom is a touch smaller but still considerably spacious. There's a lot that can be done with it." The estate agent paused, her eyes caught by the semi-circle of arms holding the couple very close together. "It's certainly big enough to start a family."

Anna and John looked at each other in that instant, both pairs of eyes wide. A rosy blush crept up from Anna's neck to brush her cheeks and she began to giggle melodiously, her shoulders curling against his chest and a beautiful light spilling out from her smile. John smiled at the sight in return, squeezing her waist very gently.

They hardly heard the voice of the estate agent as it trailed away from them in their reverie. "I'll leave you both to have a look around upstairs. If you need to find or know anything, I'll be downstairs."

John looked over his shoulder as he walked about the room, smiling at Anna's bright face. She seemed very taken with the place.

"What do you think, then?"

"It's nice," Anna affirmed, her steps soft against the plush carpet. "In a good area too."

"Close to all the good schools?" He smirked at her as he landed to sit upon the bed and Anna rolled her eyes at him. Still chuckling, he spread his hands out over the covers, moving them back and forth in a hypnotising pattern. "Would you consider putting an offer in?"

Anna tilted her head to the side in thought.

"Well, it's certainly the best one I've seen so far. Maybe I should look around a little more, but I don't know if I'll get anything as good for the price and the location." She curled her lips in a warm smile. "And thank you for being so forthright, giving the third degree about everything downstairs. I'm always a bit reluctant to ask, though I know I should."

"It was no problem," he said, his voice teeming with that surety that always made her feel safe and reassured. "I just want to ensure that you're taken care of."

She couldn't stop the grin from splitting her face. "Oh, I am. Very well taken care of."

The blush that had hastened from her features reappeared as she kept her eyes upon him, his figure crouched upon the bed but not lessened by any means. She certainly could see herself living here, quite happily. Occupying this very room, stretched out in that bed night after night comfortably. On occasions alone; other times with John lying next to her, skin pressed eagerly against skin, his long legs twined with hers, urging her closer to his body, kisses so hot that they sent the temperature soaring and the covers being thrown hastily off the bed to the other side of the room as their passion encroached upon them…

Her thoughts were all over the place and she felt incredibly bothered all of a sudden. She had to take a few steps back to stop herself from doing something unthinkable with the estate agent just downstairs. John stood up, making things a bit easier for her to calm down now he was no longer reclined invitingly on the large bed. She hadn't failed to wipe the mischievous smirk from her face though, and he saw as much.

"What are you up to?"

He grinned towards her with a glint in his eyes, striving to match her own.

"Nothing," she remarked sweetly. "I just think you've helped me come to a decision."

His smile followed her down the stairs.

* * *

They walked back along the street, retracing the route from not too long ago, their steps quicker this time.

"You go ahead if you need to," Anna told John, who glanced at his watch just briefly. "I don't want to slow you down."

"Don't be silly," he responded softly, "You could never do that."

Anna smiled as he halted their steps to take both of her hands in his. She was sure she would never grow tired of the overwhelming feeling of his fingers circling around hers, especially not when he took care to caress them so considerately.

"It was so good seeing you again," he said, leaning in a little towards her. "I'm glad that we got things sorted."

"There was nothing to sort," she hurried to answer, her thumb coming from underneath to sweep across his. "Just silly little misunderstandings, that's all."

"On my behalf," John replied. "It's taken me longer than it should, but at least now I understand very clearly."

Anna grinned at the crinkles that were springing up at the corners of his eyes. She began to spontaneously laugh at the easy silence that fell between them, and a bit bemused but more caught up in contentment, John followed.

When they both recovered themselves, he moved to speak.

"I was going to ask…well, you've probably had enough of me for one day."

Anna shook her head. "You daft thing. Do you really think a couple of hours makes up for the time I've been without you?"

He beamed happily at her reply.

"I was just thinking, if you're free, that we could do something this evening. Rob and Cora are holding a music night at the restaurant, we could return to the scene of the crime?"

She rolled her eyes lightly, and didn't stifle a little giggle. Swiping her hand over the expanse of one of his, she tossed her head to the side.

"That sounds all very well," she began, more than a hint of flirtation in her voice which was unmistakeable when she flicked her eyes up towards him. "But I think it would be even better if we did something…just the two of us. To make up for lost time, and everything."

He caught her gaze effortlessly, and a smile eased onto his face immediately at her better idea.

"I was hoping you might say that."


	15. Chapter 15

"Good morning."

John's warm breath was on her face before she opened her eyes, his voice the only thing her senses were aware of, and tingles travelled up from the tips of her toes on hearing and feeling him so close to her. She made a little muffled groan, which was snatched away when his hand came to rest on the flat of her bare stomach. It was getting increasingly hard to pretend that she was still asleep, but she managed to keep her eyelids shut.

"Hmmm, it can't be morning," Anna rasped in a voice that was a little gruff, attempting to turn onto her side but finding that his large hand was keeping her in place, the tips of his fingers burning wonderfully against her skin. "No, I won't believe it."

She gaped a sizeable yawn, which crossed her mind probably wasn't that attractive a sight when he was leaning over her. They couldn't have got all that much sleep in the last few hours that almost seemed like a blur, aside from the delightfully prolonged time they had spent exploring, tasting, touching, loving one another luxuriously, several times over. She fought hard to stop her lips dissolving into a smile that would stretch across her face considering all they had done. Instead, she brought a hand upwards to try and shield her growing delight.

"Even if it is, I'm not getting up."

"Who said anything about that?" His words were a low rumble in her ear, and she felt them reverberating in his chest as it pressed softly against hers. "It was my plan to stay exactly where we are."

His fingers were dancing in slow swirls across her stomach and Anna sighed against the pillow. Still her eyes remained closed; she was enjoying the sensation of feeling his touch blindly upon her, specks of light travelling up to glow behind the darkness.

John lowered his head, his lips trailing down the curve of her cheek, kissing the corner of her mouth, travelling down to where her jaw began to give way to her neck. Now both hands were cradling the sides of her body underneath the sheets, and as he dotted light kisses over her skin he could feel her back arching keenly in response.

A wolfish grin that she couldn't see exploded on his face. Neither was she aware of the embers kindling in his eyes, which had darkened a few shades in colour.

"You know, I'd much rather go on with this if you were awake."

"You'll have a job. It's not wise to prise me from sleep."

She'd long since abandoned all ideas, finding it near on impossible to rest when he was so close. God, she loved having him there, tangled up with her, melting and moulding so much that it was as if their forms had been one all night long.

Now, his mouth was on the hollow of her throat, pressing delightfully. When the very tip of his tongue darted out against the sensitive patch of skin, sending shivers exploding inside of her, she hissed a breath against her teeth.

John's lips smiled against her neck, getting precisely the reaction he had sought. Shifting himself upwards, he frowned a little when he took in her face.

Anna was serene as she lay upon the pillow. Two could play at that game, and she was nothing if not exceedingly good at being stubborn.

She refused to smile this time as his sigh settled upon her.

"Well, I suppose there's nothing for it but to wake Sleeping Beauty with a kiss."

The excitement she always felt welled up within her as she anticipated the way in which he would choose to kiss her this time. She registered his body holding closer to her first, the tickle of his chest hair against the swell of her right breast as he manoeuvred his mouth to meet hers. He captured her bottom lip with both of his first, being ever so tender and pleasantly teasing. One of his hands drew up over her body, leaving a path of raw electricity in its wake, cupping her cheek gently. Moving up just a touch, he greeted both of her lips and kissed her softly and slowly, taking his time to let the kiss linger and cover every dip of her mouth. Anna's body hummed with the heavenly sensation as he prised her lips apart, letting his tongue sweep in delicately.

She moved her head up from the pillow, groaning her discontent when his lips moved away. Now her eyes were wide open, and she could see John grinning before her.

"I thought that might do the trick."

She had to smile as the backs of his fingers swept upon her cheek, and she sunk hers into his messy hair.

"I'll let you know it takes a lot to wake me up properly."

Before he could reply, Anna pulled him back down to her, meeting his mouth with fervour. She snaked her fingers back and forth over the fine creases at the back of his neck as they carried out their kissing, and his lips pressed with urgency to hers as she hit upon a spot that was especially affecting.

It was extremely tempting to go on in that way all morning, but the air seemed scarce enough in the room as it was.

John looked a little stunned as he rolled onto his side, propping himself up by an elbow. Anna mirrored his action, tangling a hand into the back of her hair while she faced him, a little breathless from their efforts. The duvet, slightly askew and clinging desperately to the edges of the bed, covered them to just above the waist. Anna naturally rested her hand over John's, which cupped her hipbone over the top of the covers.

"You, Anna Smith," he breathed huskily, "are quite the minx."

She smiled a very minx-like smile at him, stroking her fingers against his hand.

"I know," she said nonchalantly. "But I have a feeling that you like it."

"Oh, I certainly do."

He raised an eyebrow at her in a seductive fashion and let out a pronounced growl from the back of his throat. The combination sent Anna off into hysterical giggles. Absolutely charmed, John found it impossible not to laugh as well and they both lay there, giggling at each other. Anna had a feeling that John was the only man she would ever come across who would both make her cry out in intense pleasure and have her collapsing with laughter between the bedsheets, thankfully not at the same time.

The spark that had enlivened their eyes with joy subsequently transformed into something else. John reached his arm around to curve at Anna's back and his other hand rested upon her face as they met once more for a couple of kisses. Twisting his fingers into her hair, he brought her closer to him and she went willingly, relishing the feel of his supple lips sliding over hers. She smiled as he ghosted a kiss upon her forehead and then brought his lips down over her cheek and neck, before trailing light kisses on her shoulder. Anna laced her fingers with his, letting go after a few moments to cradle his elbow.

It was the first time they had woken up together, and the novelty was not lost on Anna. It was an utterly wonderful feeling, she found herself wanting to wake up next to him every morning. She did reason that it was a touch too soon for that, especially as she had just hopefully got a new apartment of her own. But she could very happily pass up the opportunity to be a completely independent woman a hundred per cent of the time. Especially when it meant she got to have mornings like this, and evenings like the one that had preceded it.

They really did have the intention of doing something nice that night, to celebrate their reconciliation. There were plans to go for a bite to eat and a nice bar just on the edge of town, but things went a little off-track when she had arrived at John's place and he had opened the door in his bathrobe, with tousled hair, expecting her a little later. Anna had shown great restraint in not ripping it from his body, but she did admire it on him as he padded around the house, and was a little disappointed when he went to get dressed. However he looked just as gorgeous in his suit jacket, t-shirt and jeans and she was keen to show her appreciation with a sweet kiss. The sweetness soon turned passionate, and they barely made it out of the door with the way they were so frantic upon each other, breathing heavily between ardent kisses. Dinner was considerably rushed, and at a place consciously closer to home. Skipping dessert, they hurried back to his, desire overtaking them by the second. Anna bit her lip as she remembered how much they had wanted each other, the way in which he had pinned her to the wall with his magnificent strength, taking off her clothes as she stood and leaving kisses upon each new bit of skin he uncovered. Even though she was lying down now her knees weakened at the memory; of him kneeling before her and holding her hips in his grasp, lips pressed hot against her belly, and then going lower.

They had done a lot of very nice things that night.

Anna was thinking about all of the nice things that were happening now, very different but equally amazing. The butterflies in her stomach kept fluttering when John stopped lavishing kisses on her shoulder and brought his gaze back to find hers. If anything, they grew even more intense when she saw his eyes again, so full of adoration, boring into her. His hand stroked against her upper arm rhythmically and she smiled at the sensation. Her smile only lessened a bit when she saw his shoulders shrug with a sigh. Her eyes, fixed firm with his, questioned him without words.

"I'm just wondering when it is that I'm going to wake up," he uttered, trailing a finger up and down her arm, sending goosebumps careening there. "Because I'm sure I have to be in another world, being with you. It just can't be real."

She shifted over the sheets, nestling herself in the circle of his arm, her long, loose hair brushing against it and causing him to sigh again, in a different note. Slowly, she ran her fingertips over his chest, thrilling in tangling the dark hair between her fingers, before placing her palm over the left side. The beat of his heart was strong, and thudded more fiercely when she moved her hand in a light circle over where it lay.

"Well, that certainly feels real enough to me," she breathed, flicking her eyes up to him with a deliciously sultry smile laying on her lips.

She mewled a little when his hand reached up to sink into her hair, his thumb tracing her jawline. His other hand cupped the other side of her face, and she was his completely. He looked into her eyes, brighter than any summer sky, and she felt her own heart pound as if it would burst out of her chest. She longed for him to kiss her, but he seemed perfectly content to get gratification by just staring at her. She laughed very lightly, moving barely a fraction of a centimetre when he moved further and brushed her lips with his. Those lovely light touches were all she was afforded for a few moments, as he just brushed over each bit of her mouth in turn. Then all of a sudden the kiss was full and deep and she was sinking into it just as much as she was against the comfortable sheets.

Both were a little overwhelmed by the potency of that particular kiss, and collapsed back onto the mattress, sides pressed together and hands entwined.

After a few moments, Anna made the mistake of glancing to the clock at the bedside and moaned while she heaved herself up.

She had barely swung her legs out of the bed when John's arms were circled around her waist, his chest against her back.

"And where do you think you're going?"

"I promised Gwen I'd go shopping with her… _oh_."

His lips were burrowed against her shoulder blades, working their magic attentively, while his hands had wandered up to rest just beneath her breasts, caressing the skin there lightly. Perhaps Gwen wouldn't mind too much if she called it off.

"I really need to go," she managed to get out against rapid sighs.

"If you say so."

She found herself angling her head so that he could plant kisses upon her neck, humming happily and then gasping as his fingertips ghosted purposely over a nipple. Before she could be taken any further, she scrambled from the bed, hearing him huff as she escaped his grasp.

Anna was leisurely in dressing, finding that she quite enjoyed wandering around his bedroom floor naked. As she fumbled with the fastener on her bra, before she pulled it upwards, she stole a look over her shoulder at John reclined on the bed, eyes wide and a roguish smirk on his lips. He seemed to get just as much enjoyment from seeing her put on as well as take off her clothes. She giggled hearing him groan when she slowly, deliberately stroked her hand at the base of her stomach.

"I promise we'll be done by this evening. Then I'm free to come back and be all yours until tomorrow afternoon, at the very least."

"That sounds very good to me," he rasped, catching her lightly as she wandered back to where he was sitting on the bed. "I'll cook us something this time, and make sure dessert is extra special."

Anna teethed her bottom lip softly, stifling a giggle. "I'd be happy to just have you again for dessert."

"You naughty girl."

She felt a very peculiar thrill surge through her when he said those words, his hands holding her underneath her unbuttoned blouse.

His smile, which had been smouldering wildly, softened when he gazed deeply up at her.

"I can't wait," he said, before any other words he could utter were stopped by a beautifully sweet kiss that made her heart soar.

She was sure even before she pulled back to look into the dark pools of his eyes that poured with emotion.

She was absolutely in love with John Bates.

* * *

Anna walked up the stairs to the little office, the final box straining in her hands. She eased it with a thud down onto the table top, where Mary's feet were also balancing as she leaned back in the reclining chair.

"You won't pull a muscle if you lift one, you know," Anna teased at her completely unruffled looking business partner, pulling her vest away from her slightly sticky skin.

"I only had this manicure done yesterday, though," Mary replied, swirling around lightly on the wheels of the chair. "I don't think I should risk it." She waved a neatly manicured hand around in the air. "Besides, you're so good at it. Deceptively good given your size. You must have a magnificent core. I'm completely envious."

Anna shook her head and laughed as Mary just tossed her hair, bringing her feet back to the floor.

"Pass me those scissors, if you don't think it'll chip your nail varnish."

Mary threw a partly mock-scowl at Anna before she reached lazily across the table to the desk tidy full of stationery. With cautious fingers, she handed the weighty scissors to Anna, who plunged them into the first cardboard box strapped with tape.

Anna's eyes were bright as she unpacked the contents; reams of letterheads, notepads and business cards. Taking one of the little white cards between her thumb and finger, a content feeling settled in the pit of her stomach. This was really happening now, their own business. This one little card confirmed it all. Placing it back with the rest on the table, she smiled as she ran a fingertip over the black print with the office's address and hers and Mary's mobile numbers. A little insignia of a castle was at the right edge of the card. It all looked very professional. The only thing missing was a name for the company, which they still hadn't managed to come up with as yet. This particular matter was where she was encountering Mary's fussiness full-on.

"We're going to have to call ourselves something soon," Anna broached the subject again while it was still fresh in her mind, Mary picking up and studying the fonts on one of the letterheads. "What about Crawley and Smith?"

Mary grimaced, holding the paper carefully between her plum coloured nails.

"God, no," she exclaimed, and Anna held back an impatient sigh. "It makes us sound like a solicitor's, and I have never met a solicitor that didn't bore the pants off me."

Anna had to chuckle at Mary's fervent response. She did suppose it didn't have quite the ring to it.

"Not to worry, I'm sure we'll figure it out."

Anna drifted around the room with a light step, sorting the stacks of stationery and stopping more than she should have done to smile at the sunshine hitting the flowers on the terrace. Mary caught sight of her jubilant expression and narrowed her eyes while Anna stared down dreamily at the blank leaves.

"I have to say, I've never seen somebody so enamoured by paper."

"Oh?" Anna shook herself, looking up to see Mary's intent stare and knowingly curled lips. "Sorry, I was just somewhere else for a moment."

"I'm sure I know where," Mary remarked as she stood, resting against the wooden desk. "Just, please, spare me all of the finer details. It is my father's best friend we're talking about, I'd rather not have those images in my head."

"Mary!" she shrieked, wafting one of the sheets and nearly sending it cascading from the open window.

"Oh, come on, don't tell me you're not at it like rabbits." Mary's face turned a little sour, before she allowed a smirk to return. "Anyone can tell by just looking at you."

A blush burned in Anna's cheeks, the fingers of one hand resting on her collarbone. "Really?"

Mary pursed her lips as she nodded her head, and Anna glowed profusely under observation.

"At least one of us is getting some."

Anna let out a chuckle as Mary glanced at her with a funny mixture of displeasure, frustration and more than a hint of mischief. She attempted to continue with her task, but it was difficult to do so with a pair of watchful eyes upon her. Turning around from the shelves, she huffed a little, placing her hands on her hips.

"So," Mary drawled, "you and Bates." She shook her head, sending her dark hair flouncing. "Sorry, force of habit. I mean, you and John."

"I thought you didn't want to know the details?" Anna questioned, a smile on her face increasing by the second as they continued to talk of him.

"No, not those details I don't. You can keep them all to yourself, don't worry."

Anna laughed and coloured a little. She was glad she didn't have to share that much, glad she could keep him all to herself in every way.

Mary picked up a pen, twirling it in her fingertips. "But I suppose I am intrigued. I mean, I've never known him to be with anyone, really."

Her ears pricked up and she turned back towards Mary, going to sit down in the chair opposite.

"He always says that, about how he's no good with women and his disastrous relationships." She leant her elbow on the arm rest, fingers raking through her hair. "But I thought, surely, he had to be joking, trying to make me feel less intimidated. I mean, has he actually seen himself in the mirror?"

Mary swerved answering that question adeptly. "No, it's pretty accurate. Obviously he's had dates, but they never got too far off the mark. He's just always been Uncle John, on his own. Although we did try and set him up with our nanny when we were little. It didn't go that well, I hadn't quite honed my matchmaking skills at age eight."

Anna smiled as she tried to imagine, always utterly charmed by the thought of a big man like John being thoroughly jostled by the little incarnations of the Crawley girls.

"Well, I'm glad you hadn't."

Mary smiled back. "You're the first to last this long, Anna. That's quite an achievement."

She wasn't too perturbed by the tone in Mary's voice, taking the statement for what it was, distinctly light-hearted.

"You do look very good together. You've got that adorable difference in height thing going on. I'll never find someone who I can get that with," Mary sighed.

"That's because you're permanently in heels."

"And you've had quite the effect. I mean, he's been settled for a while now, but I don't know, there was always still a restlessness. He seems so much more so now that he's with you."

Again, Anna was intrigued. She had an idea what Mary might have been referring to, talking a little about it with John himself. She felt terribly guilty for even venturing to think about prying.

"You mean when his mother died?"

Mary simply nodded. "Not that we saw much of him to know anything at the time. He disappeared completely into some corner of Ireland, well enough fell off the face of the earth. Papa tried to call; when he finally managed to get hold of him he promised to go over. John refused point blank." Her brown eyes seemed to almost turn black with shadows. "It was all very strange. Almost like the person I had grown up with had disappeared, too. I think he did for a while."

Anna found herself frowning, deep lines marking her face. It was silly, she hadn't even known him then. Yet she found herself yearning to have been able to comfort him, console him. He had clearly needed it. She hated to think of him shutting himself away, being so alone in such a dark time.

"But I suppose that's all in the past now, thank goodness."

The sound of Mary's assurance shattered the echo in her head, and she found it in herself to nod along. She thought of his many wonderful smiles, his resonant laugh, his eyes glowing with love for her. He'd share it all in time, when he was ready to let her in to that part of his past, and she would repay him with all the love and support that he had believed was never meant to be his.

"I'm glad you're happy. The both of you," Mary smiled as she made to stand. "Even if I am very fed up that it seems like I'm destined to spend my later years as an old maid."

Anna stifled a chortle and tutted instead. "Something will turn up."

Mary rolled her eyes, her heels clicking across the floor as she went over to the door. Anna was about to go back to stacking the remainder of the supplies when she heard Mary call out from under the doorframe.

"Downton Associates," she exclaimed brightly.

"What?" Anna swerved around.

"The name," Mary explained, walking a little into the office again. "If you like it, that is. It's from Papa's estate. Well, not exactly  _his_ , but you know. I have hopes it might fall into my lap one day."

Anna smiled, turning it over in her head. It did have the ring to it.

"Yes, I like it. Downton Associates." It sounded even better when she said it aloud. "That's us, then."

Mary seemed as if she would bounce off her heels up to the ceiling.

"I'll go and call the supplier, get them to make the stamps." She dashed to the desk in a whirlwind and Anna could only stand, laughing. "Oh, I'll get the coffee as well. Maybe some chocolate too."

A clicking ricocheting down the stairs, Anna folded her arms and smirked.

"There really is a first time for everything."

* * *

"You do know what they say. A watched phone never rings."

Anna glanced up at Gwen from where her arms were splayed across the table, her mobile in the middle of their circle.

"Or at least that's the modern version. Who actually watches a pot anyway? Not when you can have takeaway."

Gwen snatched up the last slice of pizza from the box, holding it out to Anna before she started to eat any. She held up a hand to decline, tentatively picking up the handset instead.

"The agent said she'd call by now. She said she would call a couple of days ago, actually."

"That's their game, they like to keep people dangling like mice with cheese."

As she said this, Gwen stretched a string of cheese from the top of the slice of pizza, curling into a ball and happily munching on it as Anna looked on bemused. Happily, the phone rang to distract her from studying Gwen's eating habits in detail. Both women shot back their shoulders, and Anna let it ring out for a few seconds, composing herself before she answered.

"Hello."

"Hey, sis."

Anna's mouth drooped, though she did her best to keep the smile in her voice as she spoke.

"Beth, hi. Look, do you mind if I call you back later? I'm just waiting for a message."

"Oh well, that's very nice," her little sister was pouting, she could tell just by listening. "You ring your sister, who by the way hasn't called you in months, to see how she is and she tells you to get lost? That really hurts a girl's feelings."

"It hasn't been  _months_."

"Yes it has. End of February was the last time. It's nearly June."

"Oh, wow, I didn't realise. I'm sorry. Life's been a little crazy. How's everything with you, baby sis?"

"Are you purposely trying to annoy me? I'm two years younger than you," Beth exclaimed. "You're just trying to make yourself feel better about nearly being thirty."

"Twenty nine plus one," Anna corrected with a laugh.

"Whatever," Beth retorted. "Anyway, I'm fine. Things are the same old, same old here. You know, saving lives, the usual."

"Good to hear it. How's Mum?"

There was a silence on the line, followed by a groan. Anna's heart quickened.

"Beth?"

"Oh, she's just beside herself. Can barely drag her out of bed in the morning, she's that grief-stricken."

"Oh god, you're kidding," Anna sighed heavily. "I thought she'd be over it by now."

"Nope. Well, she doesn't give a stuff about that loser. She's just devastated that her first child to get married isn't doing so anymore. She actually said that she's got nothing to look forward to in life."

"She's so dramatic. Nothing had even been planned."

Though her mum had never been particularly taken with Jeremy, she had been absolutely ecstatic when she'd known he had proposed. Almost from the very next day, she'd started keeping scrapbooks, bombarding Anna with bridal magazines and e-mailing her pictures of flower arrangements and possible wedding venues. The news of their break-up had been bittersweet, and it was especially hard for Susan Smith that her dreams for her daughter had been shattered. Anna understood it in a way; her mum had a tendency to go a little over-the-top and cling desperately onto the good in life, ever since her dad had died. She just had to make her see that, despite all the ruined plans, this was actually very good for her indeed.

"Well," Beth uttered, "that's Mum for you."

Anna smirked as a thought occurred. "Maybe Stuart should pop the question to you then, that might cheer her up."

There was a sharp intake of breath. "No, no, no. You know that's not happening in a million years. I'd force you to get back with Loserface before that ever happened."

Anna laughed. "Oh well. She'll just have to wallow."

"You should come up and visit for a bit," Beth suggested. "I think that would actually get her out of her stupor, she might even crack a smile. It's been ages since we've seen you."

"Hmmm…" Anna paused to think. She had thought about going back home, especially first thing after everything had happened. But the notion had faded of late, while her mind had been so occupied with other things.

"I'd like to see you by your birthday. Before you turn decrepit."

"Cheeky thing," Anna chortled. "Okay, I'll give it some thought."

"That's not good enough."

She sighed impatiently. Her little sister was always very insistent.

"You have to promise you'll come home for your birthday. Pretty please?"

"Alright, I'll come up then. But only if there's cake."

She smiled to herself as she pondered. What might John say to a little trip to Yorkshire in the summer?

"I might even have a surprise."

Beth yelped down the phone, nearly giving Anna earache. "Now I really can't wait. Okay, I've got to go now."

"But…"

"See you soon, sis!"

Before she could respond, the line had gone dead. She shook her head and sat back down, Gwen eyeing her as she sat opposite with her back against the wall.

"Twenty seven years and a bit I've known her, and she's still a mystery."

Gwen laughed, picking up the remaining crumbs from the pizza box with her finger.

"At least you're actually on speaking terms with your sister."

Anna smiled. No sooner had she placed the phone back on the table did it start to chime again. Gwen arched upwards, clapping her hands, and Anna felt her stomach tighten.

"I swear, I'll swing for Beth if it turns out it's gone to someone else."

"Oh, it won't have done," Gwen waved her hand dismissively.

Pursing her lips again, she pressed the button.

"Hello."

"Hello, Miss Smith? This is Belleview Properties. We've got some good news for you…"

* * *

Her laughter trailed behind her, as did he, both sets of steps pounding on the pavement against the night, leading up to the entrance of the train station. Despite it being considerably awkward to do any running in these heels, she had managed very valiantly indeed and against her breaths, she found it possible to giggle heartily. She hadn't felt this free in ages, and she stopped to relish the feeling as it washed over her in a passing moment.

"Come on, slow poke," she teased, leaning against the wall as she saw John approaching, stretching out the upper half of her slender body and smiling like a temptress. "I thought you were supposed to be good at this kind of thing. Time catching up with you, is it?"

She couldn't stop the cheeky lilt in her voice, making the end of her statement rise accusingly, delighting when she saw his gaze flashing towards her.

"Not time," he defended himself when he caught up with her. "Just that meal hasn't quite settled."

"Excuses, excuses," she chimed, waving a finger in the air, biting on her lip as her eyes raked his figure, his cheeks full of colour. "It's little wonder you don't score many goals when you move like that."

John glared at her, his face contorted, his ego clearly bruised.

"Now, that is below the belt."

He made to lunge towards her, grasping for her arm, but she proved too quick for him, squealing as she charged for the stairs. Her soles clicked hard as she bounced up each step and her heart was hammering so quick that she might have been a little scared otherwise. As she felt him speeding up, getting closer behind her back, she knew that it wasn't just the sudden burst of physical exertion that had caused the effect.

She wasn't sure who had thought to start the race, but somewhere along the way, after they'd finished the meal to toast the birth of Downton Associates with Mary, Robert and Cora, they both decided it seemed fun to run along the way back through the streets of London. Anna had been charging along the bridge, skirt scooped in her fists and wind at her heels, when she heard John yelling something unintelligible. She'd just been about able to grind to a halt and swirl around, hair blowing in the night-time breeze, looking at him victoriously when the smile was wiped swiftly from her face, replaced by the all-encompassing sweep of his lips capturing hers. All notion of competition was lost as she melted happily against him. They'd stopped in that distracting manner several times along the way, and a couple of instances Anna was sure she had seen a certain triumphant smile rising on his face afterwards, as the lead changed once again.

John's hand touched her waist as she reached the large stair in the middle of the flight, and she couldn't resist turning around to face him. His breathing was a little ragged as he fought to match her speed but he still wore a brilliant smile, his hair that had been ruffled every which way by the wind giving him an added boyish charm. She circled her hands about his neck, grasping his shoulders as he pulled her to him, toying with her lips before he kissed them sweetly, then more deeply. Anna realised that was what he must have been saving his energy for, and she couldn't find it in her head to complain.

Not until he opened his eyes slowly, letting his large hands travel over her tiny waist, and then with a devilish smirk, dashed up the remaining stairs ahead of her.

"That's just cheating!" Anna protested, her voice echoing from the walls, not best pleased.

"Fair's fair," John shrugged, holding his hands aloft as he stopped some way up. "You put me at a distinct disadvantage enough times doing just the same."

She moved up two stairs at a time, bending to take off her heels, shaking her head at him but unable to stop the smile surfacing on her face.

"Given up the fight?" he teased at her slower pace.

"No, not at all. This will just make me go faster."

"Come on then."

She skipped up the steps to meet him, craning on her tiptoes to try and get her own back. As she was just about to brush his lips, John hopped away with a swift jerk. Anna huffed out a loud sigh and in the next second, he chuckled and relented, bending to leave a soft, light kiss on either corner of her mouth, and then giving her something more substantial as he braced his arms around her. Anna sighed against his mouth as it moved pliable with hers. She wondered how much more there was of him to discover, how many new ways he could find to amaze her. Something told her he had only just begun.

A bellowing noise followed by a rush wrenched her head away sooner than she had hoped.

"Oh god, the train!"

Anna grabbed onto the hand that he had loosened from her back and which was now outstretched towards her, and with a slight tug she was pulled up and they were rushing up the remaining stairs, almost colliding down the ones that trailed off below. She felt as though her knees were about to give way a couple of times with the frantic pace they were going at, and she smiled reassuringly at John as he turned around, squeezing her hand in his to make sure she was okay.

By the time they had reached the platform, legs burning and breathless, they were just in time to see the train whirring into the other side of the tunnel, out of sight.

"Never mind," John puffed, "there'll be another one along in a bit."

The board above their heads told her he was right, and she smiled up at him as they moved at a snail's pace, hand in hand, to sit down in the little plastic booth. They both laughed at it being a bit of a squeeze for the both of them, and then Anna felt herself sliding down, her head rested comfortably just below John's shoulder. She felt soothed by the steadying rhythm of his breathing and was fighting to keep her drooping eyelids open.

"Tired?"

His burr vibrated against her ear, lulling her even further. She managed a sleepy smile and a soft, assenting sigh in response. She didn't open her eyes or look upwards, but she could sense that John was smiling too, and he gently smoothed her hair.

"I'm not surprised. You've had a busy few days."

Anna smiled against his chest, feeling as safe as she could be in the warm shelter of his arms.

"A busy few months," she replied, lifting her head up just enough to look into his eyes. "I'm not sure how many more life-changing events I can handle before my thirtieth."

John chuckled, his fingers falling over her cheek. A hell of a lot had happened, more surprising than she could have possibly imagined, but she wouldn't have changed it for the world, considering where she had ended up now.

She planted a hand upon his chest, settling her head back down in the warm spot. The hushed sounds of the near-empty station echoed around them, making for a peaceful atmosphere. Anna wouldn't have noticed if the rest of the world had disappeared completely.

John's voice suddenly came forth again, to Anna's half-dreaming delight. "I wonder where you'll be in a year."

"Right here, I hope," she drawled sleepily, hugging him a little tighter, a little giggle in her voice. "I don't know. Anything could happen."

"That it could."

His hand moved slowly up and down her back and they both sighed. Neither said it, neither felt they had to. In such an ordinary moment shared by the both of them, it seemed fine, even expected, to reason that whatever happened and wherever they ended up, John would be in Anna's future and she would be in his, too.

"We'll have to wait and see…"

She just about managed to say the words before the world faded away from her, for what seemed like hours but was only a few minutes. The next thing she knew she had been lifted along the platform, drowsy eyes blinking open. She could make out John gazing down at her affectionately, his arms holding her securely by the waist and carrying her along. He answered the puzzled expression on her face before she could speak.

"Train's here."

Anna grasped onto his shoulder as he moved them through the doors, up on board.

"I'll wake up when we get back. I promise…"

Her voice became smaller as she leant into him, unable to stop herself from drifting off once more.

John smiled down at her, looking just like an angel in his arms. Sleep had already claimed her before she heard him utter his reply.

"Don't you worry. You sleep all you need to. It's okay…" he pressed the lightest kiss at her temple, "…my love."


	16. Chapter 16

The music was blaring against the walls and the spectrum of pulsating lights that flashed forth from the dancefloor were bright in the darkness, incessant in their whirl. She was getting a faint headache and rubbed a hand softly against her head, before laughing to herself a little. Her university days – or rather, nights – seemed very far away now. Still, she was having fun, even if she would have rather stayed at the altogether more mellow cocktail bar they'd started the night at.

Picking up her glass and sipping from the straw, Anna turned in the booth to look at Daisy, who she could see even in the dimness was wearing the same impassive expression as herself. She had to crack a smile.

"We must be getting too old for this. Or just really sad."

Daisy slumped her shoulders, letting out a sigh of relief. "I thought it was just me. I didn't want to spoil the fun, but I don't see what was wrong with the other place. At least you could have a conversation without having to yell at the top of your voice." She bellowed that sentence louder just to make sure it got across. "Does it really have to be so loud?"

Anna chuckled. "We weren't at university  _that_ long ago," she remarked, glancing around to see groups of what surely had to be students crowded on the dancefloor and at the bar, wincing as they knocked back shot after shot. She felt like a concerned mother looking on at the younger girls, wanting to pass them bottles of water. "But I don't think we were ever like that."

"Well, maybe I went a little bit mad in freshers' year," Daisy said, rather shamefacedly. Anna recalled a memorable night where she had to sit up for hours against the wall next to Daisy's bed, keeping a watchful eye upon her while she whined and wretched the excessive amounts of alcohol she had bounded through too quickly. "That was just getting it out of my system though. I couldn't go back to doing that." She pulled a face as she banged her glass against the table. "I can't say I'd want to. I mean, you get to a certain age and you grow out of all that, don't you? I find anyone who still gets hammered every weekend a little bit sad."

"Don't let Ethel hear you say that," Anna nudged her arm against Daisy's as they looked out across the club.

"Oh, I didn't mean…"

"Of course you didn't."

Anna smiled at Daisy's innocent speech, and then both of them had to break into laughter at the sight that was just a little way away from them.

Drink in hand, Ethel was taking up almost the entire dancefloor with her emphatic stance, feet pounding in time to the beat of the wall-shaking music and hips swaying wildly. She stopped occasionally to replenish herself, but almost threw her glass on the floor when the introduction of  _Single Ladies_  started up. She spun around in a frenzy, throwing her arms into the air before jutting them onto her hips, hair flipping back as she endeavoured to do her best Beyonce impression. At her side, a safe distance from the flailing, Gwen was bobbing her head and shuffling her feet, dancing more cautiously just like every other person other than Ethel was, though the floor had emptied somewhat since Ethel had started her pursuits.

When the song was over, Gwen slinked back to the booth, leaving Ethel solitary for a while longer. The three giggled as they watched Ethel sidle up to a couple of unsuspecting male revellers, sipping from her drink and fluttering her eyelashes, bumping her hips against them when that tactic didn't work. Many things would change as they got older, but all of them doubted that Ethel ever would, acting just the same as she had done ten years ago, perhaps now with even more confidence.

After getting one brief dance with a man that appeared a few inches shorter than she was, Ethel bounded her way across the floor, bouncing onto the seat with a frown.

"No luck?" Gwen sniggered, finishing off the dregs that remained in her glass.

"The talent is obviously elsewhere tonight," Ethel sighed. "I swear that same guy always dances with me every time I'm here. It's like he seeks me out or something. I wouldn't mind if he was a bit better looking. Or a lot better looking."

Anna and Daisy shook their heads in unison, while Gwen just laughed.

"Maybe it's meant to be," she smirked.

Ethel glared so hard, she looked as though she was going to aim her straw squarely at Gwen's face. She sagged her elbows against the table top, exhaling a long, exasperated breath.

"Come on, I've had enough of it in here. Let's go somewhere else. There's the best club not too far away…"

All three looked reluctant, scrunching up their faces in disapproval. They shared a few glances back and forth while Ethel eagerly awaited an answer. Anna was the one to speak up for the group.

"I don't know…we're fine here as it is, aren't we? I don't want to be staying out too late anyway."

Ethel rolled her eyes up to the mirrorball that was spinning over their heads and huffed loudly.

"Oh my god, what is wrong with you all?" she exclaimed, banging her hands down onto the surface. "You're all so  _boring_!" She swivelled in her seat, pointing an accusing finger towards Gwen who just looked startled, wondering what she had done wrong. "I expect it from those two, all coupled up and that," she paused for a moment to grimace, "but not you. You're supposed to be my fellow single lady, where's your spirit? Beyonce would not be proud of you."

Gwen shrugged, leaning back against her seat.

"I can do that dance really well," Daisy piped up from the corner. "All the kids in school were teaching me."

"Well, too bad, you gave up your chance to do it when that went on your finger," Ethel spouted, looking away longingly to the dancefloor that was full once more.

"Oh, ignore her," Anna said, dismissing Ethel good-naturedly. "Let's see."

Daisy straightened up, holding her left hand out excitedly.

"Oh Daisy, it's gorgeous," Anna cooed. "I can't believe we missed your engagement. I feel so awful. We should have done something."

"It's fine," Daisy assured, admiring the understated ring resting on her finger. "It was all really quick anyway. We didn't get the ring until a few days ago. You know William, he doesn't like to make a big fuss of things." She smiled contentedly.

"Have you set a date?" Gwen joined in, leaving Ethel falling further down the booth, yawning exaggeratedly.

"No, not yet. I think it'll have to be the summer holidays, but not this year, it's too soon. We need to save the money first, even though I don't want anything extravagant. I'd be happy just in a room with the two of us. It'll probably be next year." She turned a little timid. "Which I meant to say…when the time does come, I'd really love if it if you were all bridesmaids."

Anna beamed happily. "Of course we will! Well, I definitely will anyway. I'd be so thrilled."

"And me too," Gwen accompanied. "As long as you don't put me in a red frilly dress, I'll be more than happy."

Daisy's smile reached up to her ears. There was a silence against the thrum of the music, and the three turned around from where they sat in a huddle to face Ethel.

"Oh, alright then," she cried. "Don't make me feel bad. I'll do it." She folded her arms tight against her, reluctantly eyeing the smiles that were directed her way. "Just book my place at the bar all night. I am going to need copious amounts of alcohol."

"Oh, come on, Ethel," Gwen tutted. "Just because you're jealous…"

"I am  _not_ jealous!" Ethel asserted. "Believe me. Charlie is the only man in my life. Being tied down to another is not on my list of things to do."

"And that's the most enthusiasm you'll get out of her," Anna smiled, patting Daisy's hand. "At least until she sees the bar, and William's navy friends."

Ethel's face perked up a little at the prospect of men in uniform, and the girls laughed.

"Well, that's one down," Ethel remarked as she raised her glass, tipping back the contents. "And just when I thought we'd got this one back, she's off with someone else with hardly enough time to catch her breath. Very scandalous." She raised an eyebrow toward Anna, who lowered her head a little under the glare. "Moving into a love-nest."

"We're not moving in there together," Anna corrected before Ethel could make any further insinuations. "It's my own place."

"I bet it won't be for long. Start with a toothbrush and some spare clothes, then it all spirals from there…"

Ethel's words echoed in her head, and she tried to shake them out. It had only been a few months, it was far too soon. Plus, she was excited and a little nervous by the prospect of a place all to herself, having never lived alone before. Still, something in her wouldn't let go of the thought. She smiled as she pictured a little space in the bathroom cabinet, for a toothbrush, shaving foam and a razor, a bottle of aftershave.

Anna was shaken out of her dreaming by Gwen leaning into her shoulder, lolling her head against it.

"I can't believe you'll be going tomorrow," she pouted, looking up at Anna with big eyes. "It's gone so quickly. Who am I going to moan to now, what am I going to do?"

Anna chuckled, tilting her head to rest against Gwen's for a moment.

"Now don't be getting all emotional on our last night. I don't want to start crying in the bathroom before we leave, we passed that point long ago." She laughed as she nudged Gwen playfully back against the seat with her shoulder. "Besides, I'm only a couple of Tube stops away, it's not like I'm on the other side of the world."

"I know, but it still won't be the same," Gwen sulked a little. "I'll miss you."

"Oh, for God's sake." Ethel's voice punctured the rather emotional moment. "I'm getting out of here before you all turn into soppy idiots." She tugged on Daisy's hand, pulling the shaken girl up out of her seat. "Come on, you've had far too few drinks tonight, let's remedy that."

"But…"

Before she could argue, Daisy had been carted off, trailing behind Ethel as she marched to the bar.

Anna and Gwen remained sitting in the booth, the music drifting about them. Taking her straw out of her glass and then putting it back again after a few moments spent fiddling, Gwen turned to Anna and smiled, a little teary-eyed.

"I mean it, it'll be weird not having you around. We did alright for a little bit, didn't we?"

Anna smiled back at her best friend.

"Once I showed you what the kitchen was actually for," she teased, earning a little scowl from Gwen. She laughed before she spoke again. "It has been fun. Just like the old days."

Gwen nodded, bumping her arm against Anna's again and reaching for her hand.

"I am happy for you, you know," she assured. "Going off into the big wide world."

"A little late," Anna frowned, pondering briefly all the lost opportunities she'd missed earlier in life.

"Better late than never," Gwen corrected, and Anna smiled again.

They looked out to a corner of the dancefloor where Ethel was wiggling around enthusiastically, pulling around a flummoxed-looking Daisy who tried to keep up but looked like a rabbit caught in the headlights. Both fell about laughing.

"Poor Daisy," Anna remarked.

"Don't speak too soon, it'll be your turn next."

Gwen smiled, taking a swig from another bottle to mask her emotions.

"And I'm happy that you're so happy. With the flat, with work…with everything."

Anna lifted her face, taking in Gwen's expression. She probably hadn't spent as much time as she could have done with her lately, and she felt a rush of guilt. She should have repaid her dear friend better for all the kindness she had shown her, even if Gwen would have shrugged it off and said otherwise. She hadn't meant to be so distracted, hadn't meant to fall so fast, but it had just gone that way.

Gwen's hand was in hers again and she leaned over to talk in her ear against the volume of the music. "I'm beyond thrilled, because I honestly don't think I've ever seen you this happy. It suits you." She squeezed her hand and smiled. "Neither of you need it, but you and John have my blessing. You know I like him."

Anna couldn't help but knit her eyebrows together, thinking of when they'd first met and how flirty Gwen had been with John.

"Not like that. Though you know, you wouldn't blame me," Gwen laughed, and after a few seconds, Anna did too. "Honestly, I like him because he's good for you. Look at what's happened to you since you've been together. And I'll like him even more if he keeps this up."

Now Anna had tears in her eyes. "Thank you, Gwen," she sniffled. "It means a lot to me."

"Oh, come here."

The friends shared a hug, swaying along to the song that had started playing, a well-timed reminder from their time at university and the start of their friendship. Anna sniffed back a sob as her chin rested on Gwen's shoulder.

"You can come round any time you want."

"You could let me live in the spare room," Gwen ventured. "It's bigger than my sitting room, I'm so jealous."

Anna laughed, bringing a hand to her face to wipe her eyes. Gwen smiled, patting her shoulder.

"Do you think they'd notice if I popped out for a moment?"

Gwen shook her head softly. "I'll cover for you. I'll order a couple more vodka and cokes for Ethel, she'll be none the wiser."

She turned to smile before she headed down the rickety stairs that led out of the club. The air was a little damp, it felt quite cold for an early summer evening, but Anna felt the rush of cool breeze did her the world of good. Digging into her bag, a grin played at the corners of her lips as she dialled the number on her mobile. It took a few rings for him to pick up, and she felt herself full of jitters.

"Hello?" he finally answered gruffly. Anna's stomach did flips at the sound.

"Hey, it's just me."

"Hi." His voice brightened, though it still sounded quite rough. "What time is it?"

Anna held the phone between her shoulder and her ear to glance at her watch. "Quarter to midnight," she trilled, and then chuckled a little. "You weren't asleep already, were you?"

"No, no," John argued unconvincingly. She heard rustling, and could tell he was shuffling about on the sofa. "I must have just nodded off for a few minutes or so."

"What are you like?"

"Well, the TV's rubbish and I don't have anything to read," he reasoned. "What else am I supposed to do if you're not here?"

She smiled wide, letting the line go silent for a moment. A rather big part of her wished she was back there. She was sure she could come up with a few things to amuse him. She openly giggled at the thought and John seemed pleased with the response.

"Are you having a good night with the girls?"

"Yeah, yeah. Ethel's being her crazy self, which is entertaining. And it's nice to see Daisy again."

"That's good. I'm glad you're having fun."

She nodded, and then felt herself getting a little overcome for some reason. She hiccupped back a sob in her throat, and the catch echoed down the phone.

"Anna, are you crying?"

His voice was so full of concern, it sounded as though he would slam down the phone in an instant to rush to her side.

"I'm fine," she replied, attempting to assuage him. "I just…I think things are just a little emotional. Knowing I have to pack up and leave Gwen's tomorrow."

She wondered whether it was just that, or whether it was the simple sound of his voice that was making her feel suddenly like she could easily cry her heart out. He'd had an especially busy time with work and she hadn't seen him for five days.  _Five days._  That was nothing whatsoever. When she thought that Daisy sometimes didn't see William for months at a time, she felt incredibly foolish. They had just spent so much time together recently that it felt natural for her to be so unsettled when she was without him. Hearing his voice down the phone made it hit home, precisely how much she missed him. For not the first time that night, she wished she would have spent the night with John instead. She shut her eyes tight, as if the action would send her to his arms. She had had an obligation, but it didn't stop her heart from hurting a little in regret.

"Hey, it'll be hard, I know, but you can get through it. You can get through anything."

As much as his words had made her so upset, they also cheered her up like nothing and nobody else could. She heard him smile down the phone, and it made her smile again too.

There was more shuffling, it sounded as if he was pulling on his shoes.

"I can come and pick you up if you like?"

She could feel his arms around her, pulling her closer to him for a calming embrace, everything was so warm and she felt like home. She could wait a little longer until morning.

"No, it's okay. You sound like you need that sleep."

"Thanks."

She giggled, holding the phone tight to her ear. The morning couldn't come quickly enough.

"I'll see you tomorrow. We're counting on you to lug many boxes."

"Sure, use me and abuse me." He let out a throaty chuckle. "I'll be round bright and early, you can count on it."

"Night. Sweet dreams."

"Only if you're in them." She turned warm in the cool air at his whisper. "Take care. And don't get too hungover."

"I won't."

"Good," he smiled. "Night."

Anna stayed with the phone to her ear for a few moments after he had hung up, his valediction still ringing in her ears. She'd been feeling a little strange all evening, and she'd felt sorry for the others, but now she had what she needed to be able to enjoy herself.

* * *

"Are you sure you've written everything down?" Anna enquired, a little puzzled.

"Positive!" Mary replied in a flash. "And I've checked my voicemail a million times too. There's just nothing."

Both looked down at the crisp white pages, nearly empty of notices, Anna craning over Mary's shoulder where she sat at the desk. There was no denying it, she was right. Anna felt a little disheartened, given the rush of events she'd been used to planning months in advance at her old company, but she quickly reminded herself that now it was different. This was their own company, and it was up to them to graft to get it off the ground. Things wouldn't just fall into their laps. Mary seemed to take the opposing point of view, sighing loudly as her head fell into her hands.

"It will pick up," Anna reassured over Mary's muffled wailing. "We've only just started sending stuff out properly. These things take time to drip in, but when they do we'll be hoping for a bit of a lull."

As she lifted her head up, Anna could see that Mary wasn't convinced. She pulled her face into a more comforting smile, and it seemed to work a little.

"If you say so," she relented, curling over the edges of the page beneath her fingertips. "I wish I had your patience and conviction. I just hate to be sitting around, twiddling my thumbs, doing nothing. The devil makes work…and all that."

"Well, it hasn't got to that stage yet," Anna smiled, leaning and trailing a finger down the page. "There are some things."

"Three things," Mary stated, sounding distinctly unimpressed. "Your friend's charity baking thing, some other charity event that Mama and Sybil are involved with that I really have no idea about, and…" she paused to take a deep sigh, her voice lowering, "Mama and Papa's twenty eighth wedding anniversary."

"Twenty eighth?"

Mary's shoulders shuddered visibly. "Don't even get me started," she warned, horror washing over her face. "They want an 80's theme, of all things. Talk about completely tasteless."

Anna couldn't stop herself from laughing at Mary's slightly theatrical reaction, reining herself in when she saw that her amusement was not shared. "It could be fun," she reasoned.

"Of all the words I could use, 'fun' would not be at the top of my list," Mary sighed. "Either way, you're invited."

"Thanks for making it sound so thrilling."

"You're welcome."

Anna laughed, then frowned slightly when she noticed the date.

"That's in under two weeks," she pointed out.

Mary shrugged in her chair. "Oh, it won't matter too much. Give Papa balloons, a sound-system and enough champagne and he'll be happy."

"Start as we mean to go on, hey?"

"That's your area, not mine."

Anna shook her head at Mary's flippancy, setting out her address book to check where their details had already been sent.

"How's the move going?" Mary asked as she crossed the room to refill her glass of water.

Anna looked up with bright eyes. "It's going well," she replied, musing on how smoothly everything had been. That would make her think that something had to go wrong soon enough, but the thought left her head as soon as it entered. She was still shaking herself out of her old way of thinking. "The last of everything is getting transferred tomorrow, and then it's a weekend of decorating." It couldn't have sounded a very appealing way to spend a weekend, but Anna had to smile, thinking otherwise.

"Sounds dandy," Mary said, sitting back down, neglecting to put the glass onto the antique table without a coaster. Anna tutted, and the glass was quickly shifted onto a magazine. "If you should need any help, then I'd be happy to do so. I'm a dab hand with a paintbrush, if I do say so myself."

Anna chortled at the thought of Mary in scruffy clothes, actually doing a bit of hard work.

"What?" Mary exclaimed.

"Nothing." Anna's eyes returned to her address book, controlling her laughter. "I do appreciate the offer, but I'll be fine. John will be coming round."

Mary smirked, her eyes lighting up. "Oh, of course. There'll be a lot of  _painting_  going on then."

"Mary, stop it. Of course there will."

She plainly wasn't going to give up now she had started. "In his overalls…"

The image filled Anna's head, and she couldn't deny that decorating had never seemed more appealing. The thought of John, hair all ruffled up, completely casual, muscles straining through an old t-shirt…she didn't know how she would get anything done, or indeed, last the weekend.

"Is it me, or is it warm in here? I'm just going to open a window."

Mary smiled wickedly as Anna moved towards the window, wondering what she could possibly say next. Thankfully for Anna, she was saved by the bell of Mary's phone.

"Hello? Oh hello, Mama. Hmm…Papa said what? No, I'm not hiring a Michael Jackson impersonator…"

* * *

The bumping, banging and occasional cursing that travelled through the ceiling had ceased a while back, so Anna decided to stop arranging the furniture in the freshly painted lounge to pad upstairs and take a look to see what was going on. Her steps were quiet over the staircase and across the little bit of landing it took to get to the bedroom. The door was swung wide open and she stopped at the threshold, leaning against the doorframe and folding her arms as she stood, watching John.

He was down on the floor, leaning back slightly on his haunches, screwdriver held poised and ready to make any final adjustments. He tinkered very lightly and then pulled up, planting his hands on his hips and standing just before the wardrobe, admiring his handiwork with pride. Anna smiled, admiring him just as much, the way he showed so much studied concentration, the way his hands ran down the plains of the wood carefully. She was more than a little mesmerised by his actions and hadn't even been aware that she'd made a whimper on watching him until his head turned around to face her. She felt a jolt start up in her body when he offered her a smile, rolling one of the sleeves on his shirt back up his forearm.

"What do you think?" he asked, holding his hands towards the finished article. "Not too bad, I reckon. Solid as a rock, too." He pressed a firm hand against its side, and to be fair, she couldn't discern any wobbling.

"Quite impressive, Mr Bates," she arched her eyebrows as she walked slowly into the room, eyes flitting from the tall wardrobe to him, and then back again. She rounded it on the floor before standing to its side. "Though, with the time you were taking, anyone would think you were carving it yourself."

John frowned a little as Anna stifled a burst of laughter. "Have you ever tried tackling Ikea's finest? I think I did quite well, considering." He planted his hands in the back pockets of his jeans, puffing out his chest in a way that made her unable to hide a grin. "You know, I think it might even be a personal best for me when it comes to furniture assembly."

"Well, I wouldn't enter the Olympics for it if I were you," she teased, causing another indignant expression that just about masked the smile curving at his lips.

"You are quite impatient, Miss Smith," he purred, shaking his head softly at her. "Something can be rushed, or it can be done properly."

Anna shivered as he approached her, running a finger across the edge of her t-shirt, not even touching her skin but sending it pulsing.

"And I thought I'd come to know that you didn't like things to be rushed?"

His breath was searing against her cheek, and the light touch of the tip of his finger had travelled up slightly, drawing little circles over the fabric that covered her stomach. Anna inhaled sharply, lingering for a second, lost, until she caught herself and pulled back. The heavy sigh that came from John reverberated in the silent room.

"Of course, I shouldn't complain," she answered with a smile over her shoulder, moving past him to draw the blinds even though it was still quite light outside. She knew he was regarding her intently, and gave a little undulation of her hips as she reached upwards. The job done, she turned back to face him once more, a sliver of fading sunlight just falling over his features.

"Thank you," she said sincerely, her thumbs looped in the front of her jeans.

John smiled at her. "No need to thank me, I was just doing my job."

She glanced down at the floor beneath her, smiling at the situation that seemed so effortless. When she looked back up again, he was in front of her, his smile even more vibrant to her eyes now he was at close proximity.

Gently, he unfurled one of her hands from where it lay upon her, brushing against the top of her jeans as he did so, eliciting another hushed little gasp from her mouth. He looped her fingers with his own and Anna ached for more of him.

"I think it's only fair that I'm rewarded for my efforts."

His other hand stroked her cheek softly before it travelled down to cup her waist. Her eyes flashed with pure want, her lips curled up in a luscious, bright smile.

"A cup of tea and a chocolate biscuit then?"

She sunk her fingers into the soft hair at the back of his neck, lifting herself up onto her tiptoes, curving her body close. He held her with a firmer grasp as his head lowered.

"I'd rather go for this…"

The kiss wasn't as urgent as both of them expected it might be, slow and languid instead. Anna savoured the press of John's lips against hers, the time the kiss took to blossom, the growing sensuality of it all. It took a concerted effort for her to stroke her dainty hand against his and push softly away, escaping his mouth.

"Mr Bates," she whispered coquettishly, "we've got to get on. This room is in a mess."

He groaned louder as she wriggled free for a second time, her attentions turned not completely fully to the various boxes that lined the room, straining from the weight of their contents.

"We're not seriously starting to go through all this now, are we?"

Anna looked up to see a weary expression on John's face, exhausted from his lengthy assembly.

"It's not too late," she said, her fingers lifting items up and out with a swiftness. "The other rooms have to be painted tomorrow, so I'd like to at least get some things sorted."

John sighed as he sat down on the bed, dragging another box to his side. "So long as we do stop at some point. You've got so much stuff we may well be doing this until sunrise."

"I'll have you know I had a clear-out," she replied, fixing him with a hard stare that he simply smirked at. She threw her head back and put a little sass into the remark that followed. "Anyway, it takes half the time with two."

A surrendering smile drifted onto his features, and together they began to rake through her possessions, Anna pointing out to him where she thought things looked best, hesitating for moments between there and another place before deciding finally that the first option was the right choice. John held back his complaints, giving her a sweet, slightly pursed smile, and did just as she asked.

She was diligently working through things still when she heard, after a little while, a rumble of a laugh bubble up from him.

"What?"

"Oh, nothing," The twinkle in John's eyes belied his dismissal. "I just can't believe I'm in your bedroom." The smile rose in his voice as he reminded her of the first time they had been together intimately. "You've seen mine, but I've never seen yours. It just got to me just then."

Anna wore just a hint of a smile, allowing nothing more. "Don't think I'm going to fall for that line," she stated, straining to keep her face straight while confronted with his expression, the barely disguised desire and longing. "Come on, we're nearly done."

He sighed his assent, and they carried on sorting the last of the things in comfortable silence. Digging into the bottom of one box, something caught John's attention as it slipped between his fingers. A hearty chuckle rose as he held the photograph away from him slightly, letting the remaining light in the room hit it squarely.

"Well, what do we have here…?"

He elongated his words in fascination, which roused Anna. She was able to make out a flash of the image as he turned it over in his hand and her face fell swiftly, her arms reaching out before the rest of her body could move into action.

"Oh, no. John, give that here…"

He snatched his arm away before she could tear the photo from his grasp, a distinctive smirk dancing on his lips, his eyes alight as he stared at the image before him.

Anna coloured a little as she was finally able to wrest it from him.

"It was just for a night out at uni…"

She looked at herself in the glossy snapshot from so long ago, blonde hair in pigtails, a pale-pink lacy dress just about grazing her thighs. To the left-hand side of her was Gwen, emblazoned in a Union Jack, pouting and pointing a v-sign to the camera.

John was still grinning while she held the picture between her fingertips, blazing with embarrassment and disbelief, but a touch amused somewhere too.

"Every girl wanted to be a Spice Girl. I was no different."

She let out a small laugh, her blush deepening when her gaze lifted to take in the way he was looking at her, irises smouldering. She didn't expect the forgotten memento to have such an effect on him.

"You know, I always liked Baby Spice," he rasped, catching her hand as she lowered it, not taking his eyes from her for a second.

"I wouldn't have had you as a Spice Girls fan." Her voice was light as she allowed John to guide her to him, their hands still joined.

He laughed. "Not a fan, exactly." He clasped his other hand to her waist, thumb running just above her hipbone. Anna planted hers upon his shoulder as she stood between his legs, her knees brushing the bed. "But I appreciated certain aspects."

His fingers were snaking their way up her body, and if she wasn't clutching on to him she swore she would have fallen through the floor. She let out a tiny moan as his hand dipped again, working deftly underneath the fabric of her top, this time tracing her bare skin in its trajectory. On impulse, her hips shifted towards him, and she saw his eyes darting down.

"Do you reckon you've still got the dress somewhere?"

He licked his lips as he looked up at her again. Anna's head was beginning to spin.

Her fingers crept up to stroke softly underneath his jaw. "It might be buried away," she trilled, turning her hips a little against his touch. She wouldn't really do it, but it was fun to tease; it seemed to only intensify her desire, which was already overwhelming whenever they were so close. "I can go and have a look now, if you'd like?"

His actions spoke louder than his words, and Anna yelped delightedly as he swept her from her feet, pulling her down against him onto the bed she'd placed there temporarily while she waited for the new one she'd ordered to arrive. In the next second, he had flipped them so he was now over her, surrounding her wonderfully. Anna tried to temper her breathing as she stared up at him, his hand like a hot brand against her stomach where her top had risen up.

"God knows you don't need it. You are stunning any way."

She smiled as he stroked back her hair, ran his fingers down the curve of her cheek and then lightly over her lips. They felt almost as good as his own lips did when they were pressed there.

"The things you do to me, Anna…I can't resist you."

Before she could think anything more they were kissing, the passion that had been escalating throughout the evening pouring out as their lips worked over each other, tongues meeting and deliciously adding to the thrilling sensations. It was entirely consuming, his hands were rifling up and down her body, but Anna was hungry for more. Sliding her tongue over his bottom lip, she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down closer to her with fervour.

She was still enjoying the kiss, her head fuzzy except for the feeling of him upon her. Then a howling noise entered, and she could feel his cries muffled against her mouth. Her head jerked back in shock, the reaction a little delayed.

"My knee," he grimaced to explain, the upper half of him still pressed against her. "It's gone into cramp… _ahhhh_!"

He yelped louder as pain shot through the length of his leg, and Anna screwed up her face in sympathy, horrified that her overzealousness had caused such agony.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry." She soothed a hand over his shoulder, her gaze soft. A little smile crept up on her face. "Do you want me to kiss it better?"

John managed a strangled smile, raising an eyebrow at her. Her hands were still on his back, but she had reclined back upon the bed, her hair fanned out across the covers. She heard him suck in a breath before he leant forward again.

"Oh, sod it," he stuttered out, grasping his hands upon the bed and bringing his head back down, his breath mingling with hers before he captured her lips once more. Anna sighed into the kiss as it deepened, relishing the feelings that were coursing through her veins, the weight of him upon her. She was careful to keep in control, letting her hands run over his back as she kissed back with all the passion she could muster.

It wasn't down to her this time, though it seemed coincidental that as she brought her fingers down to begin to unbutton his shirt, she felt herself slip. The poor little bed couldn't hold their growing ardour, and with a loud creak and a considerable crash, they found themselves on the floor. John's knee bashed hard against it as they landed and he yelled out a series of curses. Anna stroked her hand over his neck and he smiled at her before they both began howling with laughter.

He thudded down onto his side on the floor, letting out another groan as he fixed his palm on the curve of her body.

"Well, that's not how I expected that to end," he uttered lowly, grazing a light kiss against her cheek.

"Me neither," Anna said between giggles, turning enough to plant a kiss full upon his lips. "I just hope that bed turns up sooner rather than later."

They stayed splayed out on the floor for a little bit, laughing lightly, cuddling close. It wasn't the most comfortable of places to be, granted, but she would have happily stayed right there for the rest of the night, held close in the comfort of his arms.

Needing somewhere a bit more plush, John heaved his back from the floor, holding Anna's hand to get her on her feet when he was upright.

"It's a good job there's a perfectly good couch downstairs, then," he said with another quick kiss.

* * *

Anna dabbed the cloth over her face, splodges of paint dotted on her cheeks like freckles. Having got rid of most of the specks, she turned to survey the kitchen. Brushes lay flung on the floor, one tin rolled onto its side and steadily dripping blobs of paint downwards in a creamy pool on the tiles. She was surprised, really; the carnage could have been much worse. Most of the paint had landed flung against the walls, although they would need going over again in a neater fashion, or had otherwise been splashed upon them as they carried out their battle.

She couldn't help but giggle thinking of the chaos that had been caused in the little space. It had all started perfectly innocently, and she was doing it out of the goodness of her heart, only trying to help. John had been painting for hours, careful and conscientious, taking his time to even out the strokes. When she managed to emerge from her daze, arrested by the sight of his figure in overalls, Anna had heard him huff in quiet exasperation, swiping an arm over his forehead. She picked up a brush that was lying unused on the side, wiping the soft bristles against her palm before dipping it into the paint. John turned his head, a lock of hair bouncing at his brow as it quirked up towards her. She smiled in return, gliding a line of paint up onto the wall slowly.

" _I thought I'd lend a hand."_

_John smiled warmly, before his eyes narrowed and he brandished his own brush with assurance._

" _So you think you can take on the master, then?"_

_Anna tossed her head and set her shoulders, stilling the movement of her brush on the wall._

" _Don't underestimate my skill, John Bates. I know my way around." She paused, sinking the bristles back into the tin, drawing a smirk up onto her mouth while she painted on another stroke. Admiring what she'd done for a moment, she pursed her lips as she looked back at him. "And I know I'll get it done a damn sight faster than you."_

" _Is that so? Faster doesn't mean better."_

" _We'll see."_

_It was like her brush had a mind of its own as it flicked a blob of paint out, hitting him in the middle of his forehead. Anna breathed a gasp at what she had done. His face shadowed and then brightened with mischief in an instant._

" _Oh, you're in for it now…"_

The onslaught escalated quickly, shouts and squeals filling the room as both fought to get the upper hand, paint flying into the air. Anna had managed to duck from most of his aims, escaping with minimal marks. Instead, John bore the brunt, his face and arms covered. He didn't seem too perturbed as he stood there getting steadily soaked, and when they called a truce and he slinked off to the bathroom, Anna was still in stitches, though she did feel that perhaps she'd taken things a bit too far.

She found him there still, standing against the sink, wiping the dried paint from his forearms when she wandered in. Her face crumpled when he glanced up at her, continuing to stroke the flannel over the dark hairs on his arms.

"Sorry," she offered in a voice that contained a hint of a giggle. "I got a bit carried away."

"A  _bit_?" He bit back a laugh, warmth in his eyes. Anna was relieved to see it. "It's fine. Though we're going to need another tin, seeing as half of it has gone on me."

Anna brought a hand to her mouth as she began laughing again, though she was soon brought to a stop. Her fingertips stilled on her lips, her eyes widening as he pulled the paint streaked top over his head swiftly, and threw it in a ball into the sink. Rinsing the flannel, he began to dab at his neck and collarbone, covering the hairs towards the top of his chest that were matted with paint. Once again, Anna was entranced by the movement of his hands, the flex of the muscles in his arms, just by the breathtaking sight of him. He went on with his strokes and she was half compelled to stay staring. However, a stronger urge rose up like a fire inside her.

Her steps were quiet across the floor, but they were loud enough for him to gaze up towards her. His breathing picked up as he watched her stand in front of him, raising her arms and lithely removing her t-shirt, even though she was completely clean of paint below her neck. His eyes fixed to the elegant slope of her shoulders, her porcelain skin, the line of her exposed cleavage. Her fingers were warm as they fell upon him, taking up the flannel from his grasp and rubbing it over his chest lightly. John hissed out a breath when Anna's fingertips just brushed against his nipple, and his hands clasped themselves to her waist, making her gasp as he pulled her closer to him, her covered breasts pressing firm against his torso.

Anna could feel the passion building, transferring from his body to her own. It hadn't taken that much for it to emerge, it had been burning since the previous night. They'd done nothing more than snuggle and share sweet kisses when they had curled up on the sofa, sleep claiming them soon after. Now the kisses he was planting hungrily on her neck were anything but sweet, and she sighed loudly, arching herself against his lips, needing and wanting so much more.

A series of fervent kisses carried them unclothed into the shower, and the heat that was becoming her was momentarily tempered when she felt the cool tiles press against her back. John's hands soothed her as an icy blast of water hit their skin, each gentle caress making her shivers subside until she was soft enough to melt against him. The water was wonderfully warm now, cascading down onto their bodies, so close together. Anna saw the desire and love deep in John's eyes before her own fluttered shut, allowing herself to revel in the many magnificent sensations, threatening to overcome her completely. John's hands slid upon her face, fingers untangling her hair, while his lips returned to peppering kisses on the curve of her neck, reverent and unrelenting. She reached out to grasp a hand rather weakly against the wall, until it found a stronger hold upon his hip. In all her life, she had never experienced a moment so erotic and it was made even more so given the man she was sharing it with. She needed to see his face while his hands worked against her and gulped when she took in his features in the surrounding steam. He was just as wanting as her.

Rivulets of water were trickling over her skin, they touched every curve of her body as they did to his too. Anna was desperate to press herself to John but he held her against the wall lightly, determined to explore and worship each inch of her as yet more water poured down to make her already flawless form glisten. The drops fell across her and his fingertips soon followed, tracing the path of each in turn. Anna couldn't hold in her sighs as she was covered completely by him, his thumb delicately swiping the spill of water between her breasts. She looped her hands urgently into his silky hair, her grasp getting a little tighter when he lowered his head to let his tongue taste her skin. It ran almost too tantalisingly over her collarbone and then, as the drops continued to fall on her bare skin, he lapped them away, rolling over her slowly. Anna thought she would explode from it all. He settled to nipping and kissing below her ear while his hands cupped her breasts, the water making them soft in his palms. His thumbs were slowly circling, gliding over the rosy peaks of her nipples as he kissed against her neck, and Anna was being driven wild. She couldn't restrain herself any longer, and he allowed her to fall against him, her hands clutching at his strong back, whispering his name.

His skin slipping easily against hers gave her sensations like she had never known. She revelled in the wonderful feeling for moments before she began to kiss his chest, lightly at first but then with more urgency, her hands moving with the flow of water down the length of his spine and then grasping his buttocks. She felt his hardness unmistakable against her stomach and muffled moans at the contact as she kept on lavishing his chest. His hand was questing lower and lower upon her as he reached to kiss the top of her head. John let out a groan when he discovered how ready she was, and as he sought just a little more, Anna gasped out too.

They barely dried themselves off as they clambered out and to the comfort of the spare room, John picking Anna up into his arms, holding her close to him all the while. Neither of them could deny the need so heavy in the air, for them to be one. A thousand sighs escaped Anna when they were joined once again, the rhythm of their bodies so perfect against each other, knowing each other implicitly.

Laying together with limbs curled, there was just enough breath left in both of their bodies for them to kiss one another softly, a gorgeous accompaniment to the passion that had burned so fiercely. Anna smiled as his hand remained in her hair while she laid up on her side, his other splayed against her back. She giggled as she dipped to kiss him once more, unable to resist, her hair brushing down against his cheek.

"We'll have to go out later," she sighed as she settled back against the sheets, her body just about cooling. "Get some more paint. That wall really needs finishing."

A cheeky smile enveloped John's face after he nuzzled another kiss against her ear.

"Or we could just do that all over again."

She laughed melodiously. Even though she was shaking her head, she was thinking that would be a perfectly acceptable way to spend the rest of the weekend.


	17. Chapter 17

"Not you as well," Anna laughed as they walked hand-in-hand in the warm, light summer night. "Mary's been so down on this party, it's unbelievable. I thought I could count on you to be enthusiastic."

She rubbed the pad of her thumb over the curve of his, a smile sparkling in her eyes when she observed his slightly dour, resigned expression. She rested her head against his arm as they went on walking, glancing up and feeling happy to see that she'd coaxed a softer look as he stared ahead.

"I thought you'd be thrilled to relive the days of your youth."

John visibly cringed, his hand tightening in hers. Anna gave a bit of a nervous laugh, hoping she hadn't said anything wrong, though she couldn't think how she might have done. He always took her teasing with the good nature that was intended. He rubbed his free hand against his jaw, looking far out into the distance before turning his eyes to her. They told a different story to the rest of his face; they were pondering, melancholy even.

"I suppose that's it," he sighed. "Thinking of the past, it just makes me feel so old."

Anna shook her head, warmed by his insecurities. And people always said that women were the worst for that kind of thing.

"Don't be silly, you shouldn't look at it that way," she reassured in a soft tone, her hand stroking down his arm.

"1985," he uttered, in wonder and mainly in disbelief. "How was it that long ago?"

Her soft laugh carried along as he mused, the crinkles at his eyes deepening in thought.

"I mean, how old were you then?"

She leant her head a little to the side, looping her arm into his. "Nearly two."

John's face shadowed. "Oh, god."

Anna's first instinct was to giggle, but she ceased when she saw how troubled he looked. His expression made her feel a little worried for the briefest of moments.

"It's now that matters," she said, increasing her grasp on his arm. "Don't you feel strange, because I certainly don't." She smiled softly, the tips of her fingers drifting soothingly over him. "Unless I'm part of your mid-life crisis, that is."

John raised his eyebrows, a little surprised by her thinking, before he shot out a laugh.

"Certainly not. I'm only sorry I didn't find you sooner."

She grinned up at him happily, a thrill surging through her.

"Well, these things take time. We both just had to wait."

"Too long," he uttered, smiling with only a touch of sorrow on his face now. It rose up again when he looked deeply at her. "I just hope you don't come to regret your choice. You could have your pick of any young man, and you've ended up with me."

She nudged at his arm lightly while pouting her lips.

"I wouldn't care for them," she affirmed. "I much prefer a man with experience. Someone who can teach me things."

His eyes looked as though they would fall out of his head and she laughed to herself while she didn't give up gazing at him.

"I was talking about everything that happened in the 80's," she answered his dark look apparently innocently. "I don't remember much aside from cartoons and Cabbage Patch Kids."

John tutted, looking a little disappointed, and she laughed tunefully, patting his arm.

"I'll see if the stories come back to me tonight. I think I tucked most of them away in the recesses of my mind, with good reason."

"It doesn't matter if you don't remember," she shrugged, her sandals bouncing over the pavement. "I'll just get Robert to tell me about all of your escapades."

"So that's your plan, is it?" he enquired, ghosting fingers over the skin at her wrist. "Now I'll just have to counterattack. Come up with a way to keep you off the scent."

"I'm sure you'll think of something."

"I don't know, I don't think you like to let things drop easily."

She smiled brightly as they stopped for a moment. "I can find ways to be persuaded."

He ducked to give her a quick kiss, softly squeezing the hand that was still held in his. She went up on her tiptoes, looping her hands around his shoulders to return the favour, a little deeper.

"I'm just relieved they didn't decide to go for fancy dress," John shuddered slightly in the humid air, his hand hovering at the small of Anna's back as they went on.

"I was rather sad about that," she replied, eyes lighting up as she imagined. "It would have been fun. Just think of the sights."

"It was bad enough at the time. Ripped jeans, flouncy shirts…"

Anna scrunched up her face. "Not together, surely?"

"Some people. Not me," he was quick to point out. "Definitely Rob. More than once."

He winced a little as a long forgotten memory reared its head. Anna began to smile expectantly.

"Though," he started hesitatingly, "there might have been a pair of leather trousers. Red ones, of all."

Her eyes were alight, with amusement more than anything. Though she couldn't deny a part of her was really quite intrigued at the mental image.

"Before you ask, there aren't any pictures," he said, and her face dropped a little. "I made sure they were all burned long ago, in being unable to burn the trousers themselves. For one very fearful night I thought I'd never wear anything else again."

Anna couldn't help but giggle freely, her head rocking against his arm. After a bout of breathless, cheerful laughter, she glanced up at him with pleading eyes, her hand braced against him as they neared their destination.

"I don't suppose you'd consider wearing them again…" she curled her lips together, trying hard to stifle another giggling fit.

John looked down at her, straight-faced but with a twinkle dancing just visibly in his eyes.

"Then you'd know I was definitely having a mid-life crisis."

* * *

Walking into the hall, banners and balloons were strung from the ceiling, a huge inflatable 'two' and 'eight' sitting in the corner. There weren't too many people there as yet, it was a little early, but the party atmosphere was already being put into full swing, single-handedly by one man.

"Oh, Jesus Christ," John muttered from the side of his mouth, raising a hand to his head while Anna held onto his other arm.

Robert was charging back and forth across the dancefloor, displaying a very interesting and inventive range of moves, all perfectly timed to the beat of the sound-system that was blasting out  _I'm Your Man_ by Wham!. He remained completely oblivious to their entrance for a while, too wrapped up in dancing like a wild man and roaring out the words at the top of his voice. Anna found it hard to disguise her amusement, burying her face against John, who just shook his head incredulously.

" _If you're gonna do it, do it right, right, do it with me…"_

He shuffled over, performing some enthusiastic hip thrusts and jigging his head from side to side, coming to his senses a little when he perceived John and Anna's presence.

"You're kidding me," John exclaimed after Robert had thrown his arms about him, still stomping his feet against the floor.

"Ah, come on, Johnny boy. You can't tell me you didn't enjoy a bit of Wham! back in the day. I saw you dancing to them many a time," Robert wiggled his finger at John and in time to the music.

"Only because you didn't want to be on the dancefloor on your own," he insisted, nodding vigorously towards Anna who was smiling towards the pair of them. "I humoured you, because nobody else would."

Robert was chugging his arms up and down, weaving inbetween the two of them.

"That's true friendship," Anna laughed, reaching her hand out in the air towards John.

"It really is," Robert replied before he did a little spin on the floor. "My best buddy. The Andrew Ridgeley to my George Michael."

"Is there something you're not telling me?" Cora caught hold of Robert around the middle, stilling his frantic movements. "And on our anniversary, of all nights."

Robert swivelled his head, giving his wife a swift kiss on the cheek as she smiled.

"Not at all, my sweet," he said, hugging Cora close and clutching her hand, swaying her in time to the music. "I can assure you nothing like that has happened between us. Although, John, you're looking rather fine this evening. The night is young…"

John leaned back on his heels, wrapping a protective arm around Anna.

"You know I love you mate, but that might be pushing it a bit," he replied.

Robert looked slightly offended before Cora grasped upon the lapels of his jacket.

"You're my man, anyway," she trilled.

"That I am," Robert responded with a growl, pulling her forward to land a big kiss upon her lips.

Over the loud music, Anna thought she could hear a sharp tutting sound and laughed to herself to see Mary at the other side of the room, her eyes averted to the ceiling in disgust and clutching a glass, readily knocking back its contents in response to the display of her parents. She smiled, hugging both of her arms around John while they watched Robert and Cora take a spin on the floor.

"Bloody Wham!," John huffed lowly, his breath against Anna's hair. "If that's the calibre of what we can expect, then we should give up hope now for the whole night."

Anna giggled, lifting her head from where it lay upon his chest.

"Get you, John Bates, being too cool for school," she said jokingly, pushing her palm lightly against his torso. "It is Robert and Cora's party, and they're entitled to choose the music. They look like they're having a pretty good time."

Robert was twisting his knees down to the floor ahead of them, holding Cora's hand aloft as she bobbed from foot to foot, planting a series of kisses along her arm as he rose back up. Anna and John both smiled fondly at the sight of the couple dancing, almost alone on the dancefloor. She placed her head back against the warmth of his body while they began to sway a little themselves, unknowingly.

"You know it's my mission to get you dancing before the end of the night?" Anna smiled, her voice breaking the barrier of his broad chest. "For one dance at least."

John gazed down at her, fluttering her eyelashes. He sighed, being unable to deny her any of her wishes; indeed, being unable to deny her anything.

"As long as I get to choose the song," he said, holding her by the small of her back. "They really should have asked me to do the DJing, I would have happily obliged. I can do better than Wham!, at any rate."

Anna shook her head against him, smiling as Cora left Robert to his devices, now doing a spot of air guitar to  _Addicted To Love_ , and came back over to where they were standing.

"I'm so sorry, letting Robert drag me away like that," she apologised. "Can I get you any drinks? The food isn't quite all out yet, but I can hurry them along."

Anna smiled at Cora, being ever the hostess. "No, I'm fine, thanks Cora." She looked up at John. "How about you?"

"I'm wonderful for now."

Cora beamed at them both, huddled close together, looking as though they were in their own separate little world. She was reluctant to intrude upon the scene, as she observed Anna glancing back up at John again, but when she returned her gaze, Cora touched her hand softly to Anna's arm.

"How is everything with the new apartment?"

"It's great," Anna smiled in response to Cora's question, subconsciously looking towards John as she did so, who grinned back down at her.

"And you're all settled?" Cora continued.

"Oh, definitely settled," Anna said with a smirk, wrapping her arms tighter around John. He let out a hoarse laugh, and now Cora didn't feel so much that she was imposing as that she was in another dimension completely, colouring a little as she wasn't unconscious of their meaning, showering adoring and suggestive looks at one another.

Realising what they must have looked like, both turned to face Cora in seconds, Anna coughing out a "sorry".

"Oh, don't be silly," Cora said in a hushed voice, as if she was keeping it secret. "I'm glad everything's going well."

John and Anna shared another smile between themselves, John pulling her closer out of the gaze of Cora's eyes for a few seconds, Anna sighing silently as she was overwhelmed by him once more for a dizzying moment.

The attention of all three, as well as Robert, still giving it his all on the dancefloor, was directed across the room by a loud whoop over the music. They turned to see a young man holding his hands over his head, before putting them into an air guitar pose much like Robert was doing.

"How are ya, Robert?" he shouted with a smile, his face turning momentarily formal. "Err, I mean, Mr Crawley." The wide grin was back within seconds as he started to hop on his feet. "Nice moves you've got there!"

Cora shook her head at Robert's stern face as he travelled back over to where they were standing.

"Who's that?" John enquired, ears pricking up at the stranger's Irish brogue.

"Tom, Sybil's new beau," Cora explained, though as they collectively looked round to see his arm snaking around Sybil's waist there was little need to explain. Even under the spotlights, Robert's face flared red. "She met him when she was going across Africa, they were both doing missionary work. And they decided to stay out going over to other countries when it finished. He came over a couple of weeks ago to meet us all. He's a lovely boy, very…vocal."

The frown embedded itself deeper on Robert's expression, eyes sneering as they stayed fixed to the other side of the room, watching Tom like a hawk while he cheered, hands pressed to Sybil's hips as he was pulling her giggling onto the dancefloor.

"Isn't he lovely, Robert?" Cora nudged his arm, trying to deflect his steely glare. "I think he's very well suited to Sybil."

Robert answered with a loud tut that said he thought otherwise. "She'll get bored of him soon enough. Hopefully."

Cora rolled her eyes at her husband. "Now, come on, Robert. You promised you would be nice, for Sybil's sake. You know she thinks a lot of him."

That much was clear to both Anna and John's eyes, as they saw Sybil wrapping her arms around Tom's shoulders and then her legs around his waist as he twirled her around. They shared a rather enthusiastic kiss and Robert's grimace could likely be heard from the other side of the world.

"I can be nice," Robert insisted, "As long as he stays at that end of the room, and I don't have to endure any more 'public displays of affection'." He wrinkled his nose in disgust as Cora sighed. "I mean, Cora, really. He should have a little more respect when we're around, manhandling our daughter in front of us."

"She seems to be enjoying it," Anna whispered to John, who gave a smile towards the young couple.

"It's probably because he's Irish," Robert remarked offhand.

"Hey, watch what you're saying, George," John shot back quickly, pointing an accusing finger towards Robert with the smirk still half playing at his lips.

Robert held his hands up in defence. "Present company excepted, of course."

John nodded in approval, keeping one arm stayed around Anna while reaching out to pat his friend on the shoulder. Robert leaned forward a little to accept the gesture before the song changed abruptly.

" _Jitterbug! Jitterbug!"_

Robert raised his arms, face lighting up in hope towards John, who just shook his head slowly.

"Don't think about it. Off you go go."

Without any more approval, Robert charged back off towards the floor, taking a shrieking Cora with him.

Anna glanced up at John, his figure and his face both unmovable. The tiniest hint of a smile was visible as she kept staring up at him, tugging lightly at his waist.

"Not while this is on. You'll be lucky to get your dance at all, Miss Smith."

* * *

The dancefloor remained occupied by Robert and Cora, Sybil and Tom and a few other stragglers for a little while longer, the party warming up and many people waiting to have a few drinks before they found their dancing feet. Those who were brave enough departed the floor when the strains of  _The Power of Love_  started, the song being the same one that Robert and Cora had as the first dance at their wedding. The couple were alone, reliving their moment in relative privacy as everyone else looked on fondly from the sidelines. As they swayed in time, Cora could be seen gazing into her husband's eyes intently, mouthing the words with passion, that she was his lady and he was her man. Anna found herself getting a little teary-eyed as she watched, her fingers entwined softly with John's on the tabletop. She closed her eyes against the music, the lyrics floating around in her head and seeming to hit her right in the chest:

" _We're heading for something, somewhere I've never been…sometimes I am frightened but I'm ready to learn, about the power of love…"_

Her hand had become tighter in his grasp, and Anna opened her eyes again when she realised how desperately she was holding on. She made to pull her fingers back reluctantly, but instead John's own covered them swiftly. She smiled with still glassy eyes as he turned to fix a look upon her, squeezing her fingers softly, saying something unspoken.

Little groups began to form on the floor again afterwards when the uptempo music returned and Sybil bounced along, urging Anna to get up and join them. She didn't refuse; she had been itching to get up and dance for ages. She did shoot a look at John before she left his side at the table but he only sat back with his half-full glass, giving a light shake of his head but telling her to go ahead with his eyes, smiling at her barely restrained enthusiasm. Anna grinned back at him before letting herself be pulled from her feet by Sybil, placing herself in the little circle as they bopped to  _Walking On Sunshine_. The group of girls kept dancing through Whitney Houston and The Bangles, stretching their vocal cords as well as their limbs. Anna laughed delightedly as she danced, throwing her hands into the air and singing along. Even Mary had been persuaded to join in, with a drink in her hand, her feet stepping from side to side in a manner less elegant than her usual gait.

As she twirled, at more than one point in every song Anna found John's eyes from across the floor. He was always occupied with something, whether it was going up to the bar to get drinks for people or talking to whoever happened to sit down by him. He was in conversation with Anthony presently, and as usual, he was showing great respect, his attention absorbed. Anna smiled to herself as she made to turn back around, but then, as in all of the other instances, his gaze fell upon her, so intent in watching. Anna's heart hammered to see that smile of his widen as he directed it towards her. She wiggled her hips a little more, pointing at him and flashing a brilliant smile as she went on dancing, in that moment just for him, delighting when she saw his expression momentarily change. Even if he wasn't exactly where she wanted him for now, she felt absolutely wonderful, knowing that he couldn't take his eyes off her.

Their collective energy began to wane, all aside from Sybil who went off to join Tom, him taking up prime position on the floor as the soft rock anthems started playing. Anna grabbed a drink before she sauntered back over to the table, finding John with his chin resting against his hand, gazing out at Tom's strutting amongst a few other lads. He turned when she placed her palm gently on his shoulder, arching himself into her touch for a moment before she sat down next to him.

"I reckon you could teach them a thing or two," she smiled, her hand still on his back, drifting lightly across his shirt.

He leaned over to her a little as he sat back.

"Maybe," he pondered, rubbing his palm over the stubble upon his jaw. A little spark flew up in his eyes in the dim light and Anna loved to see it. "Myself and Rob did actually get a band together once."

"John Bates, you never fail to surprise," Anna exclaimed, her lips curling up as his spread across his face in nostalgia. "I bet you were quite the rock star."

"I tried," he laughed, "probably a bit too hard."

"If I would have been old enough, I'd have been a fan."

John's eyes narrowed, shadowing for the briefest of moments when she had fleetingly mentioned the issue of age, before they broke into a smile, his crinkles making another welcome appearance to Anna's gaze.

"Why didn't you take the charts by storm, then?" she enquired, her hand drifting down his arm.

"Musical differences, as you've seen before," John replied, throwing a look over the room towards Robert. "That, and just being too lazy. The dream is more tempting than the reality."

Anna smirked as a thought occurred to her. "Is that where the leather trousers came in?"

"Unfortunately not."

They both laughed as they watched Tom with his arm around a friend, belting out the song at the top of his voice.

" _Baby, you're all that I want, when you're lying here in my arms…"_

"I don't know if I ever gave it that much," John uttered. "Maybe that's where I was going wrong."

Anna smiled at him as he furrowed his brow in thought. She could only imagine what he must have been like, she was sure he would have had more than enough passion.

He reminisced for a little while longer, and Anna was more than eager to listen. She loved him like this; happy to be so open, sharing long-forgotten bits of his life with her, experiences and emotions from the past that made him who he was today. She found that she loved him at any time, just as much when he was being quiet and contemplative. Sometimes it was hard for her to break the barrier, even though their relationship had progressed even further recently, on several levels. It was who he was, and she didn't need to know everything, of course she didn't. She knew she was holding something of herself back too, though she wasn't sure that she contain it for much longer.

His eyes were deep upon her again as he talked, almost burning a hole right through her. Anna flushed, the feelings she was becoming so used to now rising up in her again. As much as she relished them, a part of her couldn't help feeling disquieted by the fact she couldn't always tell what was lying there, behind his gaze. The uncertainty made her hold back, though she wanted nothing more than to charge forth.

She interrupted him with a sudden squeak, her hands flying to her mouth the moment she heard the next song in line starting up, the notes floating across to her.

" _La da da da du dah, da dah, da daaaaaah…"_

John smiled at her, recognising the song but furrowing his forehead in slight puzzlement at her reaction, as cute as it was to him. Anna slowly took her hands away from the side of her face, her shoulders relaxing.

"This song," she said in a voice that was almost a whisper, thick with emotion. "My dad used to sing it to me when I was little."

Her blue eyes deepened in their shade as she willed herself to hold back the tears, her face crumpled in a soft, sentimental smile. In that moment, lost in happy, bittersweet memories, she had never appeared more enchanting to John, him thinking she rather accurately resembled an angel herself.

" _No-one on earth could feel like this, I'm thrown and overblown with bliss, there must be an angel playing with my heart, yeah…"_

Glancing over to the dancefloor, Anna smiled to see Tom crouching down to the floor, delicately taking the hands of a little girl wearing fairy wings, leading her in a little dance to the song. It brought even more back to her, and she sniffed back a sob before she turned back to John, whose gaze had not left her for a second.

"I haven't heard it in so long," she uttered, her words slightly shaky as she said them, and she heard how choked she was getting. She shook her head, gasping a breath as she adjusted to give John a sunnier smile. "Sorry, look at me being silly."

Anna had to glance up to see him now standing from his seat, his figure towering over her and his arm extended, hand held out towards her.

"We can't have you crying," he smiled, his voice a gentle and soothing hush. "Come on, then."

Anna was overwhelmed, not just by the song and how he had realised instantly how much it meant to her, but by the fact that John had been moved to finally take to the floor, all for the sake of cheering her up.

He bowed as she took his offered hand, and Anna let out a soft laugh as he let her go forward onto the dancefloor first, finding a little spot for them to move freely. He followed as she turned around, her cream dress and golden hair swirling about her as she spun, giving him the most beautiful smile while he faced her, beginning to shuffle his feet.

A grin overtook John's face rapidly watching the gorgeous woman before him, her body moving so naturally and gracefully to the music. He was sure he looked quite lumbering and ridiculous in comparison but it didn't seem to matter to Anna as she continued to beam at him, and so he didn't care at all. He couldn't, not while he was so captivated by every little thing she was doing, seemingly just for his eyes alone. The words of the song revolved in his head and he believed that there were no truer words, at least not to speak about Anna and the way he felt whenever he was near her. Right now, it was as if he was hallucinating, to have someone so stunning grasping onto his hand, but it was unmistakably real. He sucked in a breath as she pulled him nearer to her, her hands planted either side of him, her hips swaying in that mesmerising fashion. That angelic smile that belonged only to her all over her face. He was certain, in that moment but in so many before too, that heaven must have sent her. It was impossible for someone so utterly perfect to have come from anywhere else. She smiled and he felt himself soar. In her movements, he became more assured with his too.

Swiftly, John grasped Anna's hand, holding her arm aloft with his while his other arm scooped around her waist, swaying them both in time to the music. Anna giggled as he twirled her around under his arm a few times and she braced her hands against his forearms, coming to a wobbly stop before she got too dizzy. She was still laughing, her sorrow faded away now, and he was too. She managed to compose herself enough to look up into his eyes and she was amazed at what she saw. He looked lost, but in the best way possible. He looked free of all concern and trouble that he may have been burying away, desperate to hide from her. He was simply there before her, as himself, and Anna had never witnessed such a beautiful sight in her life. She breathed out a sigh as her eyes stayed upon his, her hands registering his warmth. He was unlike any man she had ever known. He was meant for her, just as she was meant for him, she was sure.

Then he spun her around again, away from him. She felt a little sad at his arms not being held around her, but when she twirled back to face him again, a wide smile broke upon her face as she saw him, head bopping along to the music, eyes screwed up as he began to sing the refrain. He didn't quite hit the high notes exactly but Anna loved how enthused he was. When he opened his eyes again he mouthed a little 'sorry' at her and Anna laughed as he drew her back into his arms again.

"I don't know why you were hiding, you're a natural," she told him as he looked at her modestly, quietly brushing off the compliment.

He kept swaying her around as the song faded into another, and she smiled against his touch, thinking for a moment.

"Thank you," she whispered, drawing close to his ear and then leaning back, her eyes shining.

John just smiled, his face and whole person still so open towards her. His hand clasped firmer to her back and she whimpered happily in response.

"Thank  _you_ ," he replied. "That was wonderful. I've never danced like that." A smile widened his lips as she looked up at him. "I might just never leave, not while you're in my arms."

* * *

To Anna's delight, John stayed up on the floor after their first dance. Indeed, she wondered whether she would be able to drag him away for the rest of the night. She grinned as he and Robert threw their arms around each other, singing along enthusiastically to  _Everybody Wants To Rule The World,_ and then found herself very impressed watching his Bruce Springsteen-like moves. She was thrilled he was having such a good time and was happy to stay and chat to the girls for a while, but she was especially glad when he purposely sought her out again, all but pulling her from her seat. He smiled a wicked grin at her and she felt a fire rise inside her when she saw the glint in his eyes.

"Now this is what I call a song," he rasped, guiding her back onto the dancefloor, which was now packed. Anna began to sway and smile as he mouthed the words right to her, holding onto both of her hands while they moved.

" _Won't you come see about me, I'll be alone, dancing, you know it baby; tell me your troubles and doubts, giving me everything inside and out…"_

She threw her hair over her shoulders, twirling and rolling her hips as she backed herself into John. Moving his own hips perilously close to her bottom, he clamped his hands to her waist, influencing the flow of her body. Anna could feel interested eyes upon them as they danced close, but the only ones she cared about were his. She turned her head a little, stilling her movements just slightly, to chance a glance at him. They were dark with desire, alight with joy, and they met hers with such fervour within them that she was much more than satisfied. She wiggled purposely against him before she turned around swiftly, making sure his hand was back in hers. They led the dancing around them and Anna kept her gaze burning against his as they continued to just get caught up.

Almost seamlessly, the music slowed, drum beats echoing around the room. Anna's eyes flicked upwards as she felt the change and they both stood for a few moments, their breathing slowing and then speeding up just as rapidly while they took in the song.

" _Swaying room as the music starts, strangers making the most of the dark, two by two their bodies become one…"_

Two by two, most of those in the room followed the command while the lights dimmed. Anna gazed about her, seeing couples all around come together, swaying and holding each other close. Edith with her arms circled around Anthony, Sybil with hers around Tom. Robert could be seen craning his head over Cora's shoulder as they danced, unable to take his disapproving gaze away from Tom's hands being firmly planted on Sybil's rear, until Cora, cupping his face, brought it intently back to her and he immediately softened. Even though she had retreated from the floor, Mary wasn't alone either; Anna could see her sitting at a table in the corner, gazing deeply at the blonde man who was close by her side. She gave a little smile at the mood that had descended, the spell that had been cast.

In the next second, her eyes found John again. His lips curled up just perceptibly as he returned her stare. He moved in a bit closer to where she stood, and Anna felt the hairs on the back of her neck rise up. Holding his hands out just by her waist, he asked her with a look. She gulped, feeling a little overcome suddenly, and nodded lightly, her eyes locked upon his. With a much softer touch this time, his hands wrapped themselves around her and already she was melting into him. Anna laid her palms flat against his chest, her head soon following them there, as he held her safe and close. They were one with the music, moving into this slow dance so instinctively now, and Anna felt with each passing moment they were at one with each other. She could feel his heart in a rhythm that was timed with the way they were swaying beating against her hand, and his hands were stroking her gently. This was all so perfect to her, she could have cried. Instead she smiled against him, simply loving the feel of him rocking her, holding her.  _She loved him_.

Her head slowly lifted and her heart thumped against her chest. He noticed the movement immediately, and gazed down watchfully at her. She was wearing a soft, happy smile while his eyes searched her. Effortlessly, her arms circled around his neck and she was lifting herself up as his hands stayed on her back.

" _I'm crazy for you, touch me once and you'll know it's true, I never wanted anyone like this, it's all brand new, you'll feel it in my kiss…"_

Her kiss was soft but sure, letting out everything of what she held inside. Her hand moved upon his head, bringing him closer to her, making her fall deeper. She never wanted to stop. She wanted to tell him this for the rest of the time, in exactly this way. His mouth was just as soft, but then getting a little more insistent, and Anna smiled as much as she could without breaking the kiss for that moment. It truly was perfect. He surely felt it, felt what she was trying to convey. As she left his lips, almost breathless, she found the words flowing easily.

"I love you, John."

Her words were soft against his ear, absolutely steady as her fingers sunk against the prickle of his hair. She felt him shudder a little and she pulled back to watch him, eyes wide and hopeful. She waited for her words to come back to her, and she was sure they would.

Time seemed to stand still as they looked at each other, his eyes travelling all over her. She saw his throat bob and breathed sharply as he lifted her hand, stroking the skin reverently before he pressed his lips there. His eyes closed as the pressure increased just slightly and for a second, Anna did the same. When they fell away, he pulled her close into his arms again, and she rested her head back down on his chest reliably, her hands held against him. Even when the music speeded up, they still stayed swaying, a few steps behind everyone else.

Anna considered it for a moment, in the light of what she had just done. Perhaps he hadn't caught up to her just yet.

* * *

John leant himself against the bar, waiting for the lemon to be sliced and added to his tonic water. Even across the room, his eyes were drawn to Anna. They couldn't not be. She was sitting alone, taking a few moments to herself. Mostly, she was looking out at the others on the dancefloor, but just then he noticed her shoulders rising as she took a breath, and her gaze falling to her lap. He sighed deeply as he felt his heart shift uncomfortably in his chest.

Ever since their dance had come to a conclusion, he had known that she had been forlorn, though she was doing her best to smile and be as carefree as ever. He couldn't fool himself as much as he wanted to; her mood had changed before then. He cursed inwardly, he knew it was all down to him and what he had not had the courage to say.

It should have been so easy. In his heart, it was. How could he look at her - so beautiful, so brave, so innocent - and not want to tell her a thousand times over? He truly wanted to. He would shout it to the whole world if he could, everything he felt and held in his heart for her. He supposed he could have done exactly that, but she deserved to hear it only for herself before everyone else knew. Something stabbed squarely at his chest and he winced. His conscience, perhaps. That was always getting in the way. It wasn't fair on her. If he had to let himself be torn apart, then so be it. He would sacrifice himself before he ever let her come to harm.  _Would she be at more risk if you don't say…?_

Once more, his head and his heart were running rings around him, charging into another battle. Looking up after he took a sip of drink, her doe-eyed gaze met his for a fleeting moment that held him. In that second, the winner was declared, whether or not it was the truly worthy victor.

He was heartened to see the smile lift brightly on her face as he made to sit down next to her.

_John Bates, you're a bloody idiot._

The music seemed to lull in the room, though they could both hear it resonating as they stayed in silence for a few moments.

" _I tell myself that I can't hold out forever, I said there is no reason for my fear, 'cause I feel so secure when we're together, you give my life direction, you make everything so clear…"_

He had to raise his eyebrows when her gaze was diverted from him briefly. He couldn't say he was a big fan of the song, but by God, it seemed painfully apt right now.

She looked back towards him, her soft blue eyes consuming him, and his heart leapt right into his throat. It was hopeless, he couldn't fight it, he didn't want to. Not the way he felt about her, the way that every single time she so much as touched him he almost hurt with having to keep himself and all of his emotions restrained.

She had no idea of everything she had caused in him.

Her hand was resting over his now, fitting there so naturally. He had to smile down at where both lay, marvelling at her once more. When he had pulled himself back enough from the brink, she was smiling too. Her eyes told him that it was real this time.

He should have said something. He had the sole intention of speaking, but all words seemed to disappear when she looked at him that way.

"I could lie and say that it just slipped out," she started softly, her fingers drawing circles over his skin. "But I don't think that would be fair."

_Oh god, don't let her speak about what was fair…_

Instead, he only stayed smiling.

Anna sighed, her head tilting to the side for a moment.

"If you're not ready, then I understand."

Her words cut into him. No sooner as she had said them, he moved his hand against hers, lacing their fingers together lightly.

"I've never been so ready for anything."

She positively glowed, a sigh – of relief? – escaping her. She brought their pressed palms closer together, and he could feel her pulse flowing through him. Perhaps it was his own, he couldn't tell anymore. He didn't know if he could tell anything anymore, except for the certainty of her smile. It calmed him beyond compare.

"And that's all I need to know."

She deserved so much more than everything he was. Yet when they were there, like this, he felt like the world was within him. Looking at her smiling, feeling her rest her head upon his arm, he thought that the whole world wasn't enough, not for her.

"Anna, I…I'm sorry."

She looked temporarily worried before he continued, running a thumb across her cheek.

"That I didn't say it."

Her smile was radiant, all of the brief shadow of trouble lifted. He was finding it increasingly hard to reason with himself. How would he ever forgive himself if he gave in? How would she?

"It's fine," she trilled, leaning into him, her petite frame so deceptively encompassing.

"But it's not," he insisted. He let out a sigh. "It's not what you deserve."

_I'm not what you deserve_.

Her brow furrowed and she looked stern all of a sudden. It was hard not to laugh at the look she shot him, even if he felt quite different inside.

"Don't tell me what I deserve, John Bates."

Despite everything, a smile crept up onto his lips. He did love her when she was like this, such a serene demeanour disguising all of her strength and stubbornness. No, he couldn't tell her what to do, nobody could. Neither could he tell himself otherwise.  _He loved her._

Her hand had snaked round to settle against his side.

"I have what I deserve. I have what I want. Which is you, if you hadn't realised." She grinned up at him and his heart was captured all over again. "I understand that it's not easy for you. That you might not have been in this position before."

"Anna…"

He certainly hadn't, but he didn't want her to think that he was afraid of committing. She hadn't seemed to take it that way.

"But I want you to know that it's okay," she assured. "There's no rush, not in my mind. We've got all the time in the world."

She blessed him with that wonderful smile again, the one that he hoped he was the only one to see. Then she let out a little laugh, and he couldn't hear any other sound.

"I just wanted to let you know."

"I'm glad you did."

Her gaze dropped into her lap again, but this time he could tell she was feeling completely differently. He knew he was. God, she was astounding. To be so patient, so loving still, with someone so stupid as he was. As long as he lived, he'd never fathom it. He'd spend the rest of his life being fascinated by her, and so deeply in love.

Right then he decided, it wasn't good enough. Tenderly, he brought his hands up, cupping her face. She seemed a little startled, just for a moment, before her lips settled into a curve. He could stare at them forever. Caressing her cheek gently, hearing her sigh ever so softly, he dipped to taste them instead. Soon her hands were in his hair, upon his face too, as they kissed each other, the sweetness growing into something stronger. Something undeniable. He pressed his lips to hers with passion, with a special care and attentiveness that he felt he hadn't demonstrated before. He sincerely hoped it showed her everything he felt. He hoped so much she realised how much light she had brought into his life simply by being in it.

She was breathing a little raggedly as they rested their foreheads together. There was a blush on her cheeks and slowly, the smile that had been lost came back, bigger than before. He thrilled to see it.

"Anna, I…"

"Shhhh," she said, placing a gentle finger over his lips. "I know."


	18. Chapter 18

Anna began on another valiant attempt to plough through the surge of bookings that had filtered in recently, having been interrupted several times already by a series of mumbled groans coming from the other side of the wall. Threading a hand into her hair, she opened her diary with pen poised. She managed to write but one word when a loud thud made her nearly jump out of her skin. She was going to rush to see if everything was okay, when a low, prolonged grumble followed.

"Urrrrrrrgggggh."

Glancing up, she tried to keep the smirk that read 'I-told-you-so' from her face. She pursed her lips tight together instead as Mary stumbled into the room, a hand clamped to her cheek.

"Is it normal to have a hangover that lasts for three days?"

Anna laughed watching her pad across the floor with tentative steps, resembling Bambi being pushed onto the ice. Mary clutched on to the window frame for support, scrunching up her eyes groggily against the strong sunlight.

"Not in my experience, but I'm sure there are people out there somewhere who might say different."

Anna couldn't resist adding the sing-song note to her tone, feeling as fresh as a daisy. The grimace on her face told Anna that Mary didn't exactly appreciate it, and she let out a light laugh, shaking her head as she returned her attentions to writing once more. The faint sounds coming from outside made her work at a fluid pace and while she was concentrating on what she was doing, she smiled as she let her thoughts drift, adding to her cheery mood. The after-effects of the party she had experienced were quite different to Mary's, and unlike her friend, she was more than content to let them live on a little while longer.

Her mind happily replayed it all on a loop; the way they had danced on into the night, how they had sat up talking for hours when they got back and how eventually, not long before the sun rose again, they ended up in one another's arms, naturally.

Everything had been so gentle, so tender, him touching her as if scared she would shatter. He kissed her from head to toe, caressed every single inch of her until she was almost breathless and begging. She had tried more than once to turn the tables, repay him all of the attention he was showering upon her, but he refused, kissing her so deeply that she nearly forgot who she was. In the few moments that he lifted his head from its home upon her body, Anna could see the glistening of tears that had formed in his eyes. Her breath was taken away, and she raised her hands to cup his face, his vulnerability making her bones ache. She assured him with her touch for seconds that were too short, but as he looked back, before he softly took her fingers away from his skin, there came a rush of feeling, pure in that perfect moment. The connection between them, that she thought she knew so well, strengthened instantly. Now it was unbreakable. John lowered his lips to her once more as their gazes broke and when he eased inside her, Anna had almost cried herself with wonder at the beauty of it all. He hadn't spoken of it yet, but really, there was no need to. He had showed her how much he loved and adored her, and she would cherish the feeling for the rest of her life. A love so real was finally hers, and he was hers too, and no force on the earth could intrude upon them to turn it untrue.

She stilled her pen upon the paper and was a little surprised but very amused to see that instead of jotting down names, addresses and the beginnings of plans, she had instead doodled a series of hearts down the side of the page. It was in quiet moments like this that it struck her the most, just how deeply she had fallen. It was like she was fifteen years old again, just as if it was the first time.

Then she smiled as she thought; it  _was_  the first time.

Holding back giggles, she held her head to the side as she wrote both of their initials in one of the bigger hearts she had scribbled, and then much like a schoolgirl, shut the diary with a soft thud, the affirmation trapped safely between the pages. The room was very quiet indeed, and after a few seconds still dreaming, it occurred to her to glance up and check on the worse-for-wear figure in the corner.

"Oh, don't worry about me," Mary uttered with a croak, just enough strength to wave her hand weakly in front of her face. "I'll just stay here and die quietly. You won't even notice."

"I haven't got an ounce of sympathy. That's what happens when you knock back double vodkas all night." Anna got up, perching herself against the desk as she watched Mary trying to hide herself in her cardigan. "And in front of your parents too? For shame, Mary Crawley."

She lifted her brown eyes, now blazing brazenly in response.

"They were the ones who drove me to it," she complained. "Did they have to be on each other's faces quite so much? You think they'd be well and truly bored of it by now." Mary let out a heavy sigh, her shoulders shuddering despite themselves. "I needed those vodkas to stop myself from being mentally scarred for life."

"Oh, Mary." Anna shook her head lightly. Maybe she was being coloured by the emotions that were driving her right now, or it was just that it wasn't her parents being the ones putting on such a display. It made her a little sad to think she was too young to really remember any of their anniversaries. "I think it's the cutest thing, that they're still so in love after all those years."

She found herself getting a little misty-eyed and dreamy, thinking of what she considered marriage to be like. Before he had died, she knew that even if they never always showed it that her mum and dad were in love, and their marriage had been a happy one, free from any major troubles. Their love was shown by how relaxed and silly they could be with one another. Robert and Cora seemed to be the same, although they were more open with their passions. Anna knew she wanted both for her future, and couldn't believe how not that long ago she had just accepted that she would have that with Jeremy, when she had known deep down it wasn't going to happen, that it just didn't sit right. She didn't want to tempt things too much, not when it was still early days, but something told her she would have all of that and so much more with John. If it were ever to happen, of course.

"It's so lovely to see love like that, it makes you believe that it really does exist, and just gets stronger as time goes on." She went on, getting lost in her train of thought. Snapping out of it a bit, she pointed a finger playfully at Mary. "You should think yourself lucky that they are like that still."

"Hardly," Mary replied with an unthinking acidity in her voice. After a moment, she realised how it might have sounded and offered a silent apology to Anna, which was quickly accepted. "Anyway, yes, it's nice they're in love and all that, but do you think we could talk about something other than my parents?"

Anna smiled, propping herself up and a hint of mischief finding its way into her expression as she thought of how she could change the subject. "Okay, then. Who exactly was the guy you were spending so much time with? Nearly every time I looked over, he was following you around like a puppy."

Mary rolled her eyes slightly and she sighed at the question, though in the next instant her lips had curled themselves into an almost bashful smile. Anna even thought she could detect the faintest hint of blush in her cheeks. This was very unlike Mary Crawley, always so in charge of her emotions. It was true that she was intrigued; she hadn't as yet managed to wheedle the information out of her, Mary clamming up and quickly hurrying the hint of things along before now. This time it seemed like she would relent. Anna had unconsciously leaned forward, waiting on tenterhooks to learn more about this mystery man who had only turned up at the party.

"His name's Matthew," she said, her tone soft and her face colouring more despite her best efforts. "We just met that night, but he's very nice."

"Ooh,  _very nice,_ indeed," Anna teased. It was like they had retreated to their adolescent years. She twisted a stray strand of hair around a finger. "So, did anything happen…?"

"Anna!" Mary said, laying on the pretence of shock a bit thick. "A lady doesn't divulge such things."

"Well, I'm not a lady and I don't pretend to be."

Mary sniggered at Anna's remark, wondering when she'd suddenly become so bold. She supposed it served her right, getting paid back for all the times she had teased her over John.

"Nothing happened, honestly. Well, maybe a kiss, but nothing more." Mary's smile couldn't be hidden. "He's taking me out tonight, and I may be looking forward to it. But don't tell him I told you that."

Anna laughed a little. This was definitely a new side to Mary.

"How could I when I've never spoken a word to him? Hopefully that will change soon enough."

She raised her eyebrows as Mary stood, straightening herself up.

"We'll see."

She laughed again, watching Mary scurry dazedly around the room, apparently very busy all of a sudden. Mary had been happy enough to watch her squirm in the past, and she wasn't willing to let her get away that easily.

"But in the meantime you can at least say a little more about  _Matthew,"_ Anna taunted a little, in a good-natured manner. "What does he do for a living?"

Some of the colour drained from Mary's face and she bit the corner of her lip, looking rather reluctant to say anything. Anna narrowed her eyes in response, thinking that it wasn't that much of an intrusive question.

"He's…umm…" Mary's voice was lowering to a whisper, and Anna was sure she had muttered something that she hadn't caught.

"He's what?"

Mary threw her gaze skyward. "He's a solicitor."

Anna chuckled aloud, seeing Mary with a face like thunder, which gradually dissolved. Even if she wasn't quite sharing in the laughter, she managed a smile at Anna's hysterics.

"Oh well," Anna uttered, calming herself down. "There's a first time for everything." She glanced up to see that Mary looked noticeably less annoyed now. "I'm sure he's the exception to the rule. I dread to think what my dad would have said if he knew I was going out with a Manchester United supporter."

The pen had been in her hand again, and this time she had scribbled a line of footballing stick-men, one taller than the rest with tousled inky-blue hair. She shook her head at her efforts.

"That's not the worst of it, though."

"But what could possibly be worse than being a solicitor? Don't tell me he hates dinner parties as well?"

Mary tutted, and turned to studying the wall. "The reason he was at the party is because he's a Crawley as well. I'd never met him in my life, but apparently he's some distant cousin, five times removed or something…anyway, I've googled it, and it's not close enough to be anything that's weird or illegal."

Anna let out a howl of laughter. "Well then, that's okay, isn't it?"

Mary looked as though she might need some convincing. "But you know what people talk about, especially in my family. They'll think I've run out of options, or worse still that I'm completely desperate."

"Mary Crawley," Anna began talking as if she had known her for years rather than just months. "When have you ever let what anyone says put you off something?"

She raised her eyebrows and smiled, and eventually, Mary did the same, before she pulled on her jacket.

"Well, good. If you don't mind, I think I'll go and see if I can find something that will at least not make me  _look_  like the Grim Reaper's sister."

"You look fine," Anna assured. "Just stay away from the wine shop across the road."

Mary grimaced, clutching onto her side. "That will not be a problem. God, just the mention is making my liver hate me even more."

Anna chuckled when she exited the room, though Mary hadn't got that far when she heard her voice again echoing in the stairwell.

"No, Anna's not going out. She's all yours."

"Well, that I'm glad to hear."

Her heart had started to beat at double speed before he had even got inside the room, and tingles surged up from the pit of her stomach. She wondered when it would be that she would stop feeling like this. Secretly, she hoped the sensations would never cease.

John was underneath the doorway, his broad figure seeming too big for the tiny room. The sight was so amusing to Anna that she couldn't stifle a giggle, but they soon faded when she made her way over to him, him coming closer inside so they met just off the middle.

"Well, hello," she smiled, the surprise catching her off guard in the most wonderful way.

"Hello."

Naturally, she lifted herself up, arms scooping around his shoulders while she sought out his lips for a kiss. She didn't stop herself from humming lightly in appreciation when she pulled away, pulled in by his eyes yet again.

"I hope I'm not interrupting you from anything important."

"It's nothing that won't wait," she said, still floating high from the always welcome feeling of him being against her. "I needed a break anyway."

John lifted his brow at her, and she felt guilty for all of two seconds.

"To what do I owe this pleasure?" she enquired, her hand trailing back and forth between the blades of his shoulders.

"Can't I just pop by, with no reason but to see your beautiful face?"

She still got a little pink whenever he spoke to her in that way. "Of course you can," she uttered, unable to wipe the smile from her face. Her fingers travelled lower upon his back as her voice lowered to a husky whisper. "In fact, I encourage it. Mary's never that good with timing, but she couldn't have done better today…"

Oh god, she just couldn't help herself, feeling the expanse of him beneath her fingertips and simply breathing him in.

He smiled at her, a hint of concern in his eyes as he rested his hands upon her sides.

"Well, that's not strictly true. Though your face is very beautiful."

The cheeky glint in his eyes sparked up briefly before it faded again. He held a breath for a few seconds and Anna started to get restless. He hadn't quite mastered the act of just coming out and saying whatever he needed to say straight.

"I came to let you know I have to go away, in two days time."

The shadows in his irises hadn't lifted, and he looked altogether perturbed. Anna was worried. She touched a hand to the base of his spine and he flinched for a split second.

"For work?"

He shook his head, exhaling.

"I'd rather it were. I've got to go to Ireland."

"Oh."

The reason for his demeanour being so suddenly troubled was clearer now. There wasn't much she could do other than stroke her fingers soothingly over where they lay upon his back, and it seemed to at least make a bit of difference.

"It shouldn't be for too long, a week at most I reckon," he explained. "Family stuff. One of my brothers had an accident at work."

Anna's other hand flew to her mouth. "Oh, god. It's not…"

"No, it's nothing too serious. But it took his family by surprise and they're struggling a bit. They just need a bit of help, and to be honest, I don't really know what I can do. But I feel obliged." He ran a hand through his hair, ruffling it lightly. "Maybe once I'm there I'll feel less like a spare part."

"You won't be that," she smiled assuredly, hoping it would offer some more comfort. He rewarded her with a smile back, taking her hand and squeezing it gently.

"I'm sorry it's such short notice."

"John, you can't control these things. Don't worry."

Her spirits started to lift as the smile softened on his face, getting just that bit brighter all the time. A thought flew into her mind and before she began to voice it, she squeezed his fingers between hers.

"I can come with you, if you like? If it would make things easier."

Her voice was incredibly soft as she suggested it, knowing that it may have been a step just that bit too far too soon. She knew that the place held many bad memories for him now, and he might not have wanted to let her get involved, but all she wanted was to soften the blow of him returning, in any way she was able.

His smile momentarily turned into a frown. "I thought things were picking up here?"

"They are, but like I say, it's nothing that can't wait for a week." She started to laugh lightly as she drew her thumb over his knuckles. "Besides, Mary can handle it for a few days. A bit of work won't kill her…at least I hope it won't."

He smirked at her, somewhat half-heartedly. From that, she could tell what his answer would be.

"It's fine, honestly. I can cope."

She nodded, and then smiled as he placed a kiss upon her hand.

"But you are perfect."

John almost whispered his words, letting his hand stroke down her side languidly. The combination had a very acute effect upon her. As his fingers lowered to her hip, she caught them and watched his eyes flicker.

"I don't know about that, but I try," she shrugged, her gaze transfixed to his.

"You are, no question."

He stroked her hair softly as he fixed his other hand to the back of her head, guiding her already slightly parted lips to his own. Her hands rose up to his chest as she eagerly kissed back, letting her tongue slide over his bottom lip, loving hearing the tiny groan he made.

"That will give you something to remember," she said with a wicked smirk.

He was lost for words for a few seconds, and Anna was very pleased with what she had achieved.

"Forgive me if I'm mistaken, but I do believe I'm not due away for a couple of days yet."

Well, that was even better.

As he left her to return to work, she was already busy planning.

* * *

Laying out the plates and glasses on the table, Anna smiled as she carefully put down the finishing touches of two candles in the centre, taking a step back to check that everything was just right. It was still fairly early, and she hadn't started on the dinner yet, but she reasoned that there was plenty of time. She still wasn't sure why she got everything else aside from the food prepared and ready well in advance, including herself. It was a well-established routine of hers by now and there was little reason to disrupt it.

Having adjusted the items on the table by mere centimetres a few times, she was satisfied with the way it looked, admiring the display as she ran her hands down her dress. It was nothing too fancy; a classic and simple black cocktail dress, but she felt good in it. It was slinky and understatedly sexy, while being comfortable enough to wear while eating dinner. Adjusting the straps, she grinned to herself thinking of the Agent Provocateur bag that was hidden away upstairs. The basque and suspender set she hadn't been able to resist buying had been visible underneath her dress when she had tried it on, and that would have spoiled the surprise. But it was no trouble; she'd be able to sneak up later after dinner and change into it. When she thought about it, that was probably the better way of giving John his going-away present. A giggle escaped her imagining the look on his face when he saw it. With any luck, she would find herself unwrapped quickly.

The doorbell took her by surprise as she lingered around the lounge, and when she opened the door to find him there she wore a happy, if also slightly started, smile.

"You're early," she exclaimed as she took the beautiful flowers he offered her. "I haven't even started dinner yet. And my make-up's only half done," she blushed.

"You don't need to make yourself up. You look stunning."

"Flattery will get you everywhere."

John smiled warmly and genuinely at her, stepping in from the doorstep.

"I know it's earlier than we said, and I would have let you know but I've only just found out myself." He did look rather dishevelled, the collar of his jacket sticking up to indicate that he'd been in a rush. "It turns out I need to get an earlier flight. I managed to get it changed, but the only other one available was for ten o'clock tonight."

His face crumpled, and Anna took a glance at the clock. It was six already.

"Oh, right."

She couldn't stop the sheer disappointment sounding in her voice at the prospect of their night together being cut short much earlier than expected. Her gaze had dropped subconsciously to the floor and when it rose again, John was looking at her full of regret. His look broke her heart a little and she brightened herself purposely.

"I'm so sorry, Anna. I came as soon as I could."

By the state of him, she didn't doubt it, and smiled softly.

"I hope I haven't ruined everything."

"Don't be silly," Anna answered, leaning up to kiss him on the cheek, his stubble grazing her skin lightly. "It's not ruined at all." She unfurled his collar, folding it back into place, not being able to resist sliding her fingers up to tickle against the nape of his neck. "If anything, this might actually be better."

He seemed confused, showing it through the delight he was experiencing at her touch gliding to and fro upon him.

"How so?"

"Well, the earlier you go, it just means you'll be back even sooner than I thought."

She found herself colouring when he stared at her, hazel eyes piercing.

"You always find the good in everything," he marvelled, catching her hand and bending to give her a quick, sweet kiss.

Anna's eyes were shining when she looked up again.

"Well, the alternative isn't of much use."

She had to admit that she hadn't fully heeded the words when she had said them but seeing the look on his face had made all the difference. Though it wasn't going to go quite how she had planned, she could feel that this evening was swiftly turning around and turning out just fine. She looked down for a moment to where both of her hands were now held in his and felt a wave of warmth wash her head to toe.

John sighed once in frustration at himself, and then turned a smile back towards her. He could do pretty much anything, of good or bad consequence, and she felt she couldn't possibly be upset with him for long, not with that smile.

"You said you haven't started dinner yet?"

She shook her head wordlessly.

"Well, I think it's only fair that I cook instead, to make this mess up to you."

Anna tugged upon his hands as he made to turn into the kitchen, and he turned his gaze back towards her.

"Oh no, John, I can't let you do that," she insisted. "This is supposed to be your treat."

Again, he simply charmed her by smiling wide, and she couldn't turn him down. The only thing she could complain about was the way he unfurled her fingers from his to make his way along.

"Anna, it's the least I can do, honestly." He quirked his eyebrows at the little pout that was sitting on her face. "And if you say no, I'll head out that door right now."

Her expression swiftly changed into a cheeky, bright smile.

"It's just as well I like your cooking, then."

* * *

Dinner was delicious, and Anna was rather glad that John had insisted on taking over as she doubted she could have done quite as good a job. Both sat facing each other at the table, and underneath two pairs of feet were brushing together lightly. Anna felt so incredibly comfortable and happy, and if she could, she would stay exactly this way all night. Placing her chin on her palm, she admired John in the glow of the candlelight, tracing every feature of his face, loving each part as well as the whole combined. He would have been absolutely faultless if it wasn't for the cloud that had descended, rendering his expression noticeably gloomy underneath his cover of stoicism. Yet she even loved this about him, his determination to bear everything silently, not to bother her, although of course it did.

She reached her hand across the table, briefly feeling the heat coming from the candle radiating against her arm. He looked up on the second that her fingers stroked over his, emerging from the prison of his thoughts. He offered her the smallest smile in response and she felt her heart swell.

"You look as if you've got the cares of the whole world on your shoulders," she noted with a soft smile, the tips of her fingers trailing over his hand.

He quirked his lips just perceptibly, shifting beneath her touch.

"Not the whole world, but quite enough of it."

Anna frowned a little at his reply. She hadn't expected that the visit would cause him this much trouble and apprehension, but then again she didn't really know all that much about how things had been altered irrevocably for him there. All she knew is that it was a terrible shame that whatever had happened had had such an impact. It was his home after all, and she would have liked to have gone there with him herself one day, if not at this present time. That didn't seem a possibility, and she wished she could have erased the painful memories from his mind for him.

John swallowed and gave a swift shake of his head, trying his best to pin on a bigger smile for her sake.

"Things will be fine, you know. Nothing's ever as bad as it seems from the outside. A certain person told me that."

She beamed a bright smile in the dim amber light of the room, watching his face carefully and seeing the darkness dissolve.

"It's only like this because you don't know what you're walking into. Once you're there, it'll be much better. Your brother will be fine, everyone will rally round and you'll save the day."

Anna smiled at her statement while John looked rather unconvinced. He relented a little when she laced their fingers together on the table.

"I suppose you're right. Partly." He sighed and gave her a much craved-for smile, before swiping his other hand over his face. "Still, I'll be glad when it's over and I can land back here."

She just smiled, deciding not to dwell over his words anymore. It would do no good the both of them worrying. Her hand was circled in his now, and she felt heartened. The corners of her mouth quirked as she bounced the notion about in her head.

"My sister keeps calling me lately. She's very keen that I get back to Yorkshire before my birthday." She smirked as she thought of the last conversation they had had on the matter, just a couple of days ago. "And she's very keen to meet my mystery man."

It was enough to turn his expression completely. He traced a circle around her ring finger.

"Oh, really?" His intrigued smile was absolutely irresistible. "Well, I'm not complaining. I rather like being a man of mystery."

"I'm sure you do," Anna giggled, tilting her head to the side. "But I hope you won't be for very long."

John raised his eyebrows at her statement, and she had the biggest urge to drape herself over the table and kiss away any questions.

She glanced up at him, the faintest trace of uncertainty deep in her eyes.

"I was thinking…well, hoping…that we could go over together in a little while?" She faltered just a little as she spoke, though she was buoyed by the smile that remained on his face. "I promise my family aren't that embarrassing. Well, not once you get past all the fussing from my mother."

She turned a little red thinking already about how her mother would likely bombard John with questions the moment they arrived. If anything would put him off her, the prospect of such an interrogation surely would.

"I'd like that," he smiled, smoothing his large hand over hers. "Fussing is nothing when you've grown up with an Irish mother, believe me."

Anna grinned, lowering her gaze momentarily, her heart pounding in her chest. When she looked up again, she was happy to see that his smile hadn't faded with the passing seconds.

"I really would like it, Anna. If you're alright with it. I'd be incredibly honoured."

She felt overwhelmed all of a sudden, and made to stand with a smile and a shrug of her shoulders.

"Don't be daft. But I'm very glad you'd want to."

As she moved to pick up their plates, John's hand stopped her movements.

"I'll do that."

She shook her head. "No, you made dinner. It's only fair. You should relax while you can."

His hand was on her wrist now, his grasp light, his fingertips just brushing her skin. Anna gasped in a little breath as he stood up, his figure towering over her but his touch making her feel as if she were sitting above all the world.

"We'll do it together."

She smiled and nodded at his suggestion. They collected things from the table, bumping into each other every now and then, sometimes purposely.

Anna stopped in the doorway between the lounge and the kitchen watching John taking the last of the cutlery to the sink. Leaning against the frame, she sighed and a smile burst on her face as he turned around at the sound. Keeping his gaze, she fiddled a little with her hair before she said the words. It was a silly thing to say, and she supposed she only meant it half-seriously.

"Will you miss me?"

She flushed as John regarded her, his hands braced against the counter, head angled to look at her lovingly. He gave her a smile, and let out a sigh himself.

"Try not to miss me."

* * *

She was the first to admit that she didn't try very hard to do as he said. She missed him dreadfully. The time dragged without him, mere days seeming like years. At work, she was absolutely useless, finding it hard to concentrate on lists and plans for more than a minute at a time. It was impossible to keep her mind on anything other than John, wondering what it was he was doing at that very moment. She hoped that everything was okay and that he wasn't finding it all too hard. A selfish part of her hoped he was struggling with her absence as much as she was his. Even if he was, he would cope with things much better, having other problems to contend with. The longing she felt overwhelmed her, she had never experienced it so strongly, but strangely she seemed to welcome the cavern in her heart. It would have been more disconcerting to her if she had found it easy.

The first thing she would do when she got home each evening was call him. She'd sit herself down on the sofa, or rather perch herself on the edge, still in her shoes and jacket, impatient to hear his voice, to have that little piece of him for a few minutes. It was the happiest part of her day.

She was relieved to hear that he sounded fine for the most part, a little tension and tiredness creeping into his tone every now and then, but that was inevitable. The other night she heard bells and buzzing in the background as he spoke, and when she asked he had told her that he was staying in a hotel. That was slightly strange to her, but she was just so glad to hear him and be able to talk to him that it didn't seem all that important. She kept him on the line for as long as she could, feeling the sadness washing over her only getting keener every time they had to say goodbye.

Each day she doodled around the date in her diary, counting down with feverish anticipation. After what seemed like forever, it had finally come. She knew he was getting back in the afternoon, and had plans to pop into the office briefly before he went home. Watching the clock tick near enough killed her and the restlessness bubbling within threatened to paralyse her completely until it reached the point when she could finally leave. She flew out of the doors so fast that anyone would have thought she was just a passing illusion.

On her way to his office, she stopped to buy a little bunch of flowers, getting increasingly annoyed when the person in front of her had their card declined and then had to search for the right money. Clutching the flowers when they were paid for, she dashed out and down the streets that led the way, looking at her watch every few seconds and feeling increasingly flustered.

She pushed through the revolving doors at such a speed that she nearly crashed into the young woman who was making her way out, along with a couple of others. Giving her apology when they had ceased talking, she recognised her as John's secretary, and catching her breath, smiled a little too eagerly.

"I'm sorry, I know you're on your way out," Anna hurried, noticing the slight look of irritation on her face. "But could you tell me if John Bates is back?"

The woman rolled her eyes briefly, stepping away from her friends. Anna would have felt embarrassed if she wasn't so very eager to see him.

"He isn't, I don't think he's back until tomorrow."

Anna walked further into the reception, and John's secretary waved off the people she was with while she went back to her desk for a moment, feeling Anna's eyes upon her as she scanned the screen.

"No…he won't be in today. He's at the airport with his wife."

Her heart took a few moments to register the words before it dropped to the floor.

"Can I take a message?"

The young woman was staring at Anna with her pen poised, but she didn't even notice. The blood was pounding in her head and she wanted to move but her body didn't seem to be willing to cooperate.

"Miss, excuse me?"

"Wh…what?"

"Would you like to leave a name and number so I can get him to call you first thing?"

Anna shook her head slowly, slowly coming out of the dark. "Um…no. No, thank you."

Somehow, she stumbled out onto the street, still clutching the stems of the flowers in her hands, some of them now broken. She closed her eyes, rested her head against the cool stone pillar to the side of her. The words kept spinning around, she wasn't sure she'd ever stop hearing them.

_He's at the airport with his wife._

_His wife._

The doors continued to revolve at her back, reminding her that everything was real, that the world was still turning. That was despite the fact that hers had come crashing to the ground.


	19. Chapter 19

It took a little while, but she managed to move from where she thought she had become frozen, hands hugging round the pillar. They felt so dry, they didn't feel a part of her. She didn't really know what she felt, apart from the mass of weight that was like a boulder crushing upon her chest, sinking to her stomach. Her feet carried her of their own accord and she just went along where they took her, the whole world seeming to blur and break at its very edges.

Even if she moved slowly, her mind was running at a million miles an hour. It held so many thoughts, and none of them made any sense. The shock was raw, stinging so deeply while having the peculiarity of seeming so foreign that it hardly went further than the surface.

With each faltering step she took, the words sunk deeper. In the middle of the street, Anna came to a standstill to see if they'd stop. Foolishly, a part of her wondered whether if she walked them back the words would disappear too.

It must have been a mistake. She must have misheard, or otherwise the girl had misread. It was all so wrong. He couldn't have been – it hurt beyond belief to even think about –  _married_. She would have known. He wasn't the most open of people, but he wouldn't have been able to hide such a thing from her. He would never betray her like that, it was impossible.

A lie she thought could never be told, one worse than any she could possibly imagine.

A secret so carefully disguised.

_A wife._

She had never wished so hard for something not to be true, but she knew it was. Despite the riot in her head, her breaking heart could not be fooled. The space where it should have been felt so empty, and yet it ached so painfully.

To think, not that long ago she had been giddy with excitement, a swirling of love in her stomach, words of love waiting to trip off her tongue. Now she just felt utterly sick. The words were still poised, held in motion; she couldn't deny them just yet. Her throat burned as if it was on fire, but there was a drought in her eyes. It was only the shock, she knew. She hoped the tears would hold off until she was out of sight, although she didn't much care either way.

It was true. The ache that pervaded her told her so. He was married. He had a wife. She had thought he was hers, heart and soul, but he had always belonged to someone else. If she had laid claim, it had only ever been in some other world, entirely of her making; a dream that she was slowly being shaken from. She thought she could see her, in the depths of her sorrow, through blurred vision. In one second she was her polar opposite; in the next she was the mirror image of herself, more like her than she was. The torture was too much, and she thought of him instead; his face was filled with so much love, a kind she had never beheld. She didn't know who it was for. It was so much worse.

Nothing made sense about this, and somehow it all did. It didn't make it any easier, not by any means, but it started to get a little clearer, if only for a few minutes at a time. She thought about the way he had been when she had walked away weeks ago, how he had cut himself off from her completely and then had such little explanation when they met again. At the time she had not really cared to think too hard about it, but in the light of this day it all looked so different.

It had been the same months ago; little things he did, the way that he held himself, sometimes away from her as if he was cautious of really letting himself go. She had taken it to be just who he was. Fooling herself, if she was honest. It was there, in the things that he hadn't said.

_It was why he had not told her that he loved her._

He shouldn't say it. He couldn't say it.

Because he loved someone else more.

The very notion made her reel. Everything spun around her, and she was lost to the creeping chaos of it all. Despite it all, the hurt, the despair, the confusion, she knew that he loved her. She could feel it, she had felt nothing else for what felt like so long. It made everything a little better, and so much worse. Her heart went on beating with love for him, and she knew it would never stop doing so, not for days, not for weeks, not for the rest of her life. She didn't know whether to be thankful for the reminder or to wish she could tear it out.

She could not comprehend it, in any way. How something could feel so real and yet be nothing but a lie. How he could have played along, so easily. He had always looked at her with so much sincerity, so much honesty, even when his mouth could not speak. She could always rely on the way he looked at her, knowing without a doubt in her mind that he had never offered that look to anyone else but her. She had only known so little of it, regretfully, but that look told her that throughout his whole life, he had not felt for anyone else like he felt for her.

Now she realised that he had two lives, one hidden so effortlessly from her sight. He was living his other life at this very moment, not that far away from her at all. The thoughts flooded her mind and broke her down. A part of her considered going down there, to the airport, being certain she would only truly believe it once she saw for herself. She hated the urge as it pierced her body, but she couldn't get rid of it.

Anna could only think about what she would see in his eyes if she did see him. If she saw  _them_ , together. Would he be looking at her in the same way, with eyes so open and loving? When he reached to hold her hand, would his touch contain the same depth of emotion, the same want? Or would it be even stronger? She saw his fingers drifting over the skin of another, tender at first but then grasping strong, the action being almost desperate. His lips mouthing silent words. Words she had believed would be said to her.  _I've missed you so much. I love you._

She couldn't bring herself to go. The thought alone proved too much. It brought her to her feet, sending a bolt through her that couldn't be ignored. She began to walk again, taking shaky steps that became slowly more certain. That's all she found she could do right now, to just concentrate on walking. Anything else was too much.

As she walked, she realised she had absolutely no idea where she was going. But she knew wherever it was, it would be miles away from where she had expected to be.

* * *

John ran a hand through his hair, sighing as he looked out of the window of the cab. The exhaustion of the journey was still weighing heavy on him, and he had slumped even further when he got back from his brief detour to the office to find no sight nor sound of Anna. He'd locked the house only a couple of minutes after he'd come in, not bothering to freshen himself up, heading straight for Anna's place. He was desperate to see her, the smile that was always on her face whenever she saw him filling and soothing his mind, not to mention the way she wrapped her arms around him.

When there was no answer at her door after he'd knocked several times, he got a touch troubled. When he turned up at her office to see that it had long been vacated, he became quite frantic indeed. It was as if, in his absence, she had completely disappeared. Swiping his fingers over his face, his heart began to beat with a sickening slowness. A part of him couldn't shake the feeling that he had only ever conjured her beauty for himself, from the depths of his mind that couldn't seem to hold on to anything right now, except the question of where she could possibly be.

"Left or right?"

He looked up, momentarily confused to where the other voice was coming from.

"Excuse me?"

The cab driver was leaning himself round, just about meeting the corner of his eye.

"You haven't said which way, and I don't plan on being at this junction all bloody night. Is it left or right?"

"Sorry, mate. Right, definitely right."

"Hallelujah."

Looking fully forward now, John could see the driver eyeing him exasperatedly in the rear view mirror. He offered an apologetic look in return, but wasn't sure that it was noticed. He supposed he couldn't blame the guy for being annoyed, given that he had made him drive around the city and wait for him to climb back in after jumping out in various locations. He nearly pleaded for the cab to come to an abrupt halt in the middle of a teeming street when he saw the back of a blonde head running along a crossing.

He'd wondered enough times when it would finally happen; that she'd come to her senses and the feeling would fade for her. His would never go, but Anna's would, eventually. He just thought himself the luckiest man living that a woman like her would want him, even for a little while. But if he was completely honest, he didn't think it would happen now. While he had been away, his feelings for her had only grown stronger.  _Absence makes the heart grow fonder_. He had always thought the reverse, had enough experience to be sure that he was right about the idea and everyone else was wrong. But not with Anna. Everything was different with Anna. Even in his panic, he had to smile about it, thinking of her and how much he loved her. God, he really did. He'd never known anything like it. If only she would have come along sooner. He'd never have enough time to catch up, to be with her in all the ways he wanted – no,  _needed_  – to be with her.

And though you could never be completely sure about these things, he had to think that the same was true for her. The joy he heard in her sweet voice when it came over the phone and carried across the miles to him. His lips curled themselves into a smile just recalling. The way she laughed lightly at some stupid thing he said, the little catch in her throat when she said she couldn't wait to have him home. He had heated all over at the sound of that breath escaping her on the line. It was enough to make him leave, fly back instantly and rush to her, enveloping her in his arms as he kissed her all the while. The week had been so long, and he'd had to put up with so much. The thought of getting back to her was the only thing that had been keeping him going. The thought of her was the only thing that really seemed to matter at all.

Before the cab came to a stop, he dialled again. John held his breath as he waited. There was nothing; her phone was still turned off. He felt the frown grow deeper on his face, turning the phone over in his hand. It was the strangest thing, the last thing he had expected. He racked his brain to think of what he could have done or said. There was surely something, but everything other than Anna escaped him.

Leaving the driver with a generous tip, he all but sprinted up the path to the house, reaching his hand out to knock swiftly. Taking a few breaths to calm himself down, he was relieved when the door wrenched open.

"Gwen, thank god you're in. I don't suppose you know where Anna…"

"You've got a bloody nerve, coming here!"

Before he could finish his enquiry, he was soundly cut off by the woman standing in front of him, arms clamped against her like a shield. The stern look she was shooting straight at him was fierier than the colour of her flame red hair.

"I should slam this door in your face…or do something I'd take more pleasure out of."

She cast her gaze down briefly before she made to close the door swiftly. Feeling panicked and greatly confused, John stepped forward, bracing a hand against the grain and removing it a second later when Gwen relented.

"Help me out here, Gwen," he pleaded. "I really don't know what's going on."

She rolled her eyes heavily. "Oh, of course  _you_ don't."

"I honestly don't. I'm sure there must be a reason but I don't know what it is. All I know is that Anna's apparently vanished off the face of the earth without a word and I'm half-sick with worry."

The daggered look sunk even deeper, tempered with pure incredulity at what he'd said, as if it was the most ridiculous statement anyone could make. She stayed silent for a few agonising seconds, and John grew more helpless.

Finally, she shed some light on the matter, although John wished he hadn't heard it when he did.

"She knows, John. About your wife. You know, the one with the wedding ring?"

_Oh, god._

In that moment, it was as if the earth had been pulled from underneath him and he was falling, falling without anything to save him. And it was all his fault. He wondered how, though he knew he had no right to. She would have gone to the office. He should have told her to wait for him to come to her. Gwen was right, he did have a nerve. He should have told her so long ago. None of this was down to her. As was always the way, he had turned everything to dust, breaking her good, innocent heart in the process. He hardly cared about his own heart. God knows he had made enough mistakes in his life, but for this, he would never forgive himself.

He stared up at Gwen, tears beginning to surge from the backs of his eyes, the dread sinking deep within him.

"Gwen, let me see her, please."

"She's not here," she stated as a fact, and even though part of him wanted to burst through the door, he had no reason not to believe her.

Lacing both hands into his hair, he paced the path back and forth, so many things rushing through his head, primarily the curses he screamed at himself for what a fool he had been. From somewhere amongst all that, he could hear Gwen ranting in the background.

"God, I mean, what is it with you men? If you're not screwing someone else then you're bloody  _married_ to someone else…do you get off on it all or something?"

He knew that his words would sound pathetic to her, but he found himself saying them anyway, not knowing what else he could do.

"I swear, I never meant for this…Jesus Christ, I'm such an idiot."

"I'll vouch for that."

He wandered a few more times, Gwen watching his sorry figure like a hawk from the doorway. Anything he did now would seem so fruitless, would only come as a very poor excuse. He knew he had no excuses. But he also knew that he wasn't going to lie down and give up without a fight.

John rushed up towards the door, and noticed Gwen hopping back on her heels.

"I have to see her, Gwen."

Desperation dripped from his voice, but he didn't care. He glanced up to see Gwen's face almost completely unmoved. His fingers waivered in the air, stopping himself from seizing the door again.

"Please, Gwen, I know you think I don't deserve it, and I don't, but I can't turn around. I've looked everywhere…you don't know where she could be?"

Gwen simply shook her head before she gripped her hand against the handle. "I don't, and even if I did, why should I tell you? It's your mess, you sort it out."

He hadn't expected her to help him, but it was worth the shot. Walking away down the path, he was resigned to spending the night going to the ends of the city in search of her, and also resigned to hating himself.

"Oh, shit, shit. Bollocks! Oh god, you idiot!"

He had expected to hear the door slam firmly behind him, but there was no sound. As he went from the gate, he turned back for a moment and was surprised to see Gwen still standing there, following his movements.

"I will tell you something, John," she shouted to him, a troubled expression on her face. "She's absolutely devastated. Honestly, I've never heard her so upset."

He closed his eyes as he thought of Anna, those beautiful blue irises clouded with dark tears, her face crumpled and her heart broken. He felt a wrench tear through his body, splitting him in two.

"If you do find her, you've got a hell of a lot of work to do."

As Gwen disappeared from his sight, John was still nodding, swallowing the selfish lump that had engulfed his throat. Picking up his steps, running down the road, the vow sounded loud in his head.

If he never did anything else in his life, he would make this right.

* * *

Anna looked down at the river below, always flowing, rushing with the tide. She watched the gentle waves pass by, but she didn't really see, feeling removed from everything. A careful hand pressed against cold steel was the only way she could tell that she was here, experiencing all of this, and that novelty had worn off a while ago, the bridge moulded warm against her skin for the amount of time she had held it there.

She wondered for a moment if the last few months had really happened or if she had imagined it all, if she had been standing here the whole time. It was almost like déjà vu. _Almost_ , because it was so much worse this time around. The pain was so much worse, gnawing down to her bones. If she was honest, she had expected it somewhere along the line with Jeremy. The sorrow had still been there, but more than anything else then she mourned for the years wasted, the energy used up, the life that had passed her by. Now, she felt regret for the life that she thought was ahead of her fading to a shadow of what it should have been, but it was the thought of John that hurt the most. The thought of not having him. The thought of never having him, not truly. Still, the questions revolved in her head, and they cut deeper each time. The shock would never wear off, the pain would never leave her.

How did she end up here again? Maybe it was best to stay forever.

A wave washed over her suddenly and she grimaced, holding one arm against the bridge and clutching her other hand to her stomach. She turned away, pressing her back against the hard steel, needing to be supported. Below, the river swirled and roared with a hush. In its own way, it seemed to be comforting her but taunting her too, letting her know in all of its wisdom how foolish she had been.

She had gone home for a bit, hours ago, but she had been too restless to stay and felt too trapped being inside. There was also the chance that John would come round, eventually, and she couldn't bear to see him. Before she had left and before she had switched it off, she had phoned Gwen. She just needed a friendly and familiar voice, someone to tell her it would all be okay, however wrong that might have been. She had stayed calm while she waited for her to pick up, but dissolved into tears as soon as Gwen asked her how she was. Through sobs, she had relayed what she had found out, and she had hardly stopped crying since. Her stomach hurt from it. She could still hear Gwen's shouts as she railed against John, turning to a softer tone as she tried to soothe her, telling her to come over. Despite knowing she only meant the best, Anna had to rebuff the offer. She needed to be alone. It was where she had gone wrong before.

Her eyes were dry now and her expression blank as she looked out beyond her. In the past few hours she imagined she had cried herself numb, in fits and bursts as flashes of memories came back to her. Except the truth was she wasn't even close to being numb. The agony had lodged itself in her heart, and even if she cried a river to rival the one flowing so far underneath her, she doubted it would ever go away.

She sighed, breaking her gaze, staring down at her feet. It was getting late, she would have to leave soon, return home and to reality, whatever that was now. She found she wanted to be anywhere else than here, the place that had broken her, put her back together again and now only held her, not knowing what else it could do. A place once so full of prospects, now just as drained and hopeless as she was. She had the want to go, but neither it seemed the will or the way, and that seemed to stand for everything right now.

Taking a breath, Anna looked up again, glancing to the side of her. In the distance, she thought she could see a figure, running, getting closer. She narrowed her eyes, and then felt fire followed by cold shivers run through her. He soon became unmistakable. Before she pushed herself up and turned to go, the desperate sound of his voice met her.

"Anna! Anna!"

She began walking at speed, not looking back even though his cries of her name followed her and pierced her heart. This was happening, and yet it all felt so unreal. It shouldn't have gone this way. Her heart pounded with each firm step she took, and she had to scream to silence the part of it that still wanted to turn and bound straight into his arms. As the wind picked up against her with the strides she was taking, tears started to sting her eyes afresh. Even as she did it, she didn't believe it. She never thought she would be walking away from him.

He wasn't far away at all from her now, his breath coming out in rags, a slight squeak in his tone as his words didn't stop. Anna tried to shut her eyes against them.

"Anna…god, please…Anna, you've made a mistake. No, I'm the one that's made the mistake, of course I have…I'm such an idiot."

Her steps came to a halt and she shuddered violently. Oh, how she wanted to believe. Part of her already did, no matter what he said.

She didn't turn around, and so he carried on.

"Oh, Anna…what have I done?"

His voice, always so measured even in the worst of times, was breaking. She almost couldn't stand to hear it, and then thought it was exactly what he had asked for.

"I know what I've done, and I'm so stupid, and I never meant…"

His breathing, while still frantic, seemed to regulate, and Anna heard him take in a deep, heavy breath. She sensed that he had come to a stop too.

"Please, Anna, turn around."

She took in a breath, staying still as she listened to his pleas. She wanted to turn around, she wanted to look him in the eyes and see the truth for herself. She was too scared of what that truth would be. Her hands were trembling as she rested them against her chest, feeling the thud of her confused heart. His cries of her name echoed in her ears. When she found the words to speak, she didn't know what would come out. All of the things she had rehearsed in her mind seemed so empty, all of the sentiments in her heart retreated. Would she face him with her head held high, or simply break down?

The space between them was suffocating with the weight of anticipation. John wavered for a moment.

"Anna, look at me. Listen to me, please."

"No, you listen!"

She swivelled round in an instant, her whole body shaking with the force of her shriek, her lungs expelled of the last bits of energy she had. Her blue eyes had turned dark with rage and grief and they pierced a hole through John, who had taken a few steps back, although he was already at a little distance from her. He was contrite and completely fearful in that minute. He had never seen her like that and the distress was reflected in his eyes. Anna resolved that even when confronted with that heartbreaking look, she would go on. Indeed, it seemed there was no stopping her now that primal scream had unleashed at least some of the tumult of emotions that lay within her.

"After everything I have been through, I have been through enough these last few months to last a lifetime, and you knew that, I told you that."

She was shouting, coming closer to where he stood but not close enough that he could reach to touch her. Part of her wanted to lash out against him, take out all of her anguish physically. By the way he was just standing there, looking at her, it appeared that he would have simply took whatever she threw at him without a fight. Instead, she pointed a juddering finger at him.

"I thought things were getting back to how they used to be…no, not that…they were different. They were better. And it was because of you."

Anna spluttered out the words, beginning to cry again through her anger. She saw John gulping, his face completely forlorn and breaking in just the same way as hers was. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing would come.

"I should have known, known that it was too good to be true."

Even now, she realised she was still clinging onto her misguided fantasies. She looked at him, her eyes steely but with the wobble of her bottom lip betraying her stare. Underneath that shell he was there somewhere, something told her. The man she knew, the man she wanted to be with.

John dropped his gaze to the ground, shaking his head from side to side as she began to breathe a little less shallow. She wanted him to offer her something, he was bigger than this surely. Perhaps she had never really known him.

He looked up again slowly, remorsefully. He took a couple of small steps towards her.

"Anna," his voice was a reed of a whisper. "I'm sorry."

"No, no, don't you say that! Don't you say that."

She swung her arms out towards him, but only hit air. Retreating, she heaved a wracking sob.

"I won't have it. Not after everything, not after all the things we have said to each other." Her heart crushed in her chest as she thought of but a few. "Just saying that, John, no. It's not good enough."

There was painful silence for a few moments. John seemed absolutely defeated. For her part, Anna was distraught. Even with it all, she had expected more than that. She had deserved more. They had deserved more.

She sighed, and then a half-cry, half-laugh escaped her throat. John lifted his eyes towards her, clearly confused but not daring to say anything lest it made her erupt again.

"When I met you, I knew instantly that you were unlike any man I'd ever met," she began to say, calmer now, caught up with the memory. In love with it. The smallest hint of a smile flashed for a moment on her face. "You were so nice, and you made me feel so good, straight away…and right then, even though it seemed impossible, I knew I felt something for you."

Anna saw that there was a bit of a smile on his face too, and seeing it again made her heart flip.

"And as time went on, I felt even more, and I believed, though I know it was stupid now, that here was a man who was different from all the rest." She gasped, overwhelmed by her emotion, her incredible stupidity. "But it is clear I was blinded by what I wanted to believe. And that I couldn't see…"

She stopped herself; it was too soon for her to say the words, though she could see that he registered them. The worst thing was that the look deep in his eyes told her that he didn't deny it. A coldness ran through her veins.

"I trusted you, John," she said quietly, truthfully. "Trusted you with everything, trusted you with my heart. You know how I felt about you…"

Anna noticed his face fall the second she'd said it. How I  _felt_ about you. His brow twitched and his features filled with guilt and regret. The corners of her own mouth turned down. Right now, she honestly didn't know what she felt.

"I never, ever thought you could hurt me. But you've hurt me more than anyone else."

"Anna, please believe me. I never meant for any of this. I never wanted to hurt you. I know I have, and I regret it so much. I regret it more than anything in my life. How could I have possibly hurt you like I have…I can't forgive myself."

The pain etched upon him was almost too much to bear. She could see he was agonised, and she was too, but the emotion was still raw within her.

She had held herself well, but she trembled with the thought when she spoke again.

"And to know that was all I was to you...just a sordid affair."

She could have burst into tears. Knowing that all of their times together, when she had shared everything of herself with him, all amounted to  _that._ She was truly distraught.

John rushed to speak, unable to contain himself. "Anna, you never were…you would never be…please don't say that."

He went closer to her, reaching out towards her. Anna could feel the warmth and comfort of his embrace waiting, the scent of him intoxicating. Her eyes flickered to his, shining soft with unshed tears, and she held a breath before she moved away.

"Just do me a favour, do both of us a favour, and please leave me alone. It's for the best."

She couldn't hold back the tears as she turned away from him, making to walk where she had previously intended to go. It didn't feel like it was for the best now, and she knew it wouldn't for a long while yet, but she couldn't take any more heartbreak.

"No, Anna, I can't accept that. I won't let you leave like this, not before I tell you what you have to hear. You need to know."

Again, she ceased her steps to the sound of his voice, straining with need. Uncertainly, she turned around again to meet his eyes, fervent upon hers.

"Yes, I am married."

Anna stopped herself from choking out a cry. It was even more painful hearing him say the words.

"I am married, but I am separated. I have been for more than two years, since I came back here. Not long after that, my wife turned up at the office because back then, she couldn't accept it. I had to placate her and that's why people at work believe I am still married, because it caused too much trouble to say otherwise. And because, if I'm honest, I didn't want to deal with it. I didn't think I would ever be with anyone else, so it was easier to say nothing."

She looked at him with some suspicion. Her head was still reeling.

"The day I was on that train, the day that I met you, I was told that my application for divorce had been accepted. I'm waiting for things to come through." He bowed his head briefly, swallowing the lump in his throat. "The reason I went to Ireland was because I had things that I needed to sort with my wife and her solicitor. The reason she has come here is to take care of the final matters with my solicitor from her side. She will be gone again in two days and I only have the intention of seeing her when I must." He let out a lengthy sigh, his gaze still locked on her. "It's not official yet, but it will be in a matter of months, weeks even. That is the truth, Anna."

A tear trickled down her cheek as she stood, watching his face keenly. Everything told her that it was the truth he was telling her. Her heart lifted on seeing the look in his eyes, and she fought to bring it back to earth.

He knew that a further explanation was needed and she didn't wait long for it to come.

"I didn't tell you before because…I honestly don't know why I didn't tell you." A hand was in his hair as he looked totally lost. "I just…well, I didn't expect this. I didn't expect you. The more I was with you, I just couldn't believe that you wanted me and so I needed to hold onto that, even though I didn't deserve you."

Anna saw the desperate longing in his eyes as he treaded carefully towards her.

"There were so many times that I wanted to tell you, so many times I knew I should have. Please understand, it's not your fault, it is all mine. I was so selfish. I thought I would lose you, Anna. I was sure you would hate me, and I couldn't bear it." He breathed in sharply and exhaled with a heavy sigh. "And now you've found out like this, and all that has come to be anyway, and I just wish I would have told you."

She sniffed quietly while his voice became a weak quiver. It was all she could think, and she wanted to say it;  _I don't hate you. I wish I could but I don't, not one bit. That's what makes this hell for me…_

His eyes were dark and wide, awaiting an answer from her. When he didn't get one, he moved to speak again, his movements slow, all made on her terms.

"Anna, there's so much I have wanted to say for so long. I've kept it all inside, and I don't know why. You've taught me so much, you've changed me. You've made me a better man."

She could see that the tears were beginning to come from him and they sparked hers too.

"John, don't…"

"You have, Anna. And I wish I could have been better for you."

He reached out so slowly, and when his hand met her arm she started shuddering and it seemed she couldn't stop, but it was only for seconds and then she was still, relaxed against his touch. Anna sighed, her sobs coming to a cease as he overwhelmed her once more. She needed this, she needed him and she couldn't do without him. It didn't matter. Breathing unsteadily, her eyes looked up to his. The storm had calmed there and they were so soothing. With the same considerateness he had shown just moments before, his fingers came up to meet her cheek. They wiped away the wetness from beneath her eyes tenderly. Anna could only stare at him, reverent in his actions, her eyes blinking fiercely. He was so gentle with her, the touch she had always known. He couldn't hurt her.

"Anna."

His breath fluttered against her, her name never spoken in that way before.

"I will be better. I promise I will."

He had laced their fingers lightly together, pressing them as he spoke.

"You mean everything to me."

She looked down at their joined hands and then up at him. After a second, his words sunk in and the spell was broken for her.

"You lied to me," she uttered quietly, but firmly. "You lied, purposely. About why you went away."

John's eyes shadowed again, and he dropped his head, sighing.

"I'm so ashamed of myself for that. I shouldn't have done it, you don't deserve it. I did it because I wanted to fool myself. I wanted to hide. I think I believed it was true."

He looked up at her again, his eyes full.

"A thousand reasons wouldn't be good enough. I know that, Anna. But there'll be no more, I swear."

"How do I know that?"

Her eyes danced over his face, hoping beyond hope that he could tell her. The fact was she didn't know, not anymore. She snatched her hand away from his rapidly and pulled herself back. She couldn't lose herself again.

She hated to see such a shattered look on his face as she turned to go, but it couldn't be helped. She couldn't be there any longer.

There was the faintest strangled cry from behind her, then silence. Then, his voice followed her again, persistent.

"Anna! Don't leave it like this, please. I know you have every right to walk away, and I won't deny you that. If we are not going to be together," he faltered for a moment, gathering himself, "let's make sure it is for the right reason. And there is no reason. Not in my heart. If you must go, then take this with you. I cannot imagine my life without you in it. And that is the truest thing I can ever say."

She squeezed her eyes shut to try and stop the tears from flowing.

The weight of his words lingered in the air, his breath was heavy.

"If you won't listen to me, I will understand. But please, listen to yourself."

She felt like she was being pulled in so many different directions and in the confusion, she didn't know where her heart lay. Turning back again, she saw him, looking hopeful and simultaneously listless, having given everything he had. Now, he was depending on her and what she would say.  _They_ depended on her. The weight was so heavy upon her shoulders. She saw that a solitary tear had fallen from his eye and it was more heartbreaking than if he had cried endlessly.

"I…"

She began, having to raise her voice to bridge the distance between them. That split second made her change everything, and she shook her head, barely swallowing her sorrow.

"I can't do this now, it's too much. I…I don't know if you're the person I thought you were anymore."

Anna turned sharply on her heels before she dissolved, before she could see his reaction. In the distance she heard him begin to sob with abandon and she clamped her hand over her mouth as she walked away, her eyes blurry.

She'd made her choice, and she was already regretting it, leaving them both broken in two.


	20. Chapter 20

Anna yawned several times in quick succession, waiting for the water to heat up. At this moment, the temptation to go back to bed was particularly strong and she did for a second or two consider shutting off the water, putting her pyjamas back on and slinking back under the covers. Yet even if she got there, she wouldn't be able to go to sleep.

An ache stretched from between her shoulders all the way down her spine; she didn't really remember, but she could only imagine that she must have slept in a strange position. The water blasted down as she contorted, attempting to rub the pain she couldn't quite reach. She sighed. Once she was underneath and the slightly too hot water enveloped her, she would feel better, at least physically. Her skin flashed lightly red on the contact and she held a breath. Just for now, she'd got over the highest hurdle. The water began to gather and then swirl down the drain, washing the debris away. As Anna scrubbed her arms and neck vigorously, she wondered why it wasn't so easy to dissolve every part of her.

She didn't let herself pause for too long, just for the amount of time that she was in the shower, which was getting less and less. Give it just over half an hour and she would be dried, dressed, make up applied, hair brushed. Breakfast could wait until the office; even then it might be optional. Her days could be timed to clockwork. Even before she was out of the door, she was on autopilot. Go to work, stay later than she should, come home, throw dinner together and devour it hastily, go to bed and fall into a sleep almost as soon as her head touched the pillow. Then the pattern was repeated the next day, and the next, and the next.

She wasn't so oblivious to not realise that people were concerned about her, but the way she was going about things suited her perfectly. In fact, she only thought herself stupid that she hadn't done this way before. Work was what she was good at, and it wasn't so bad that it became the centre of her world. Plenty of other women lived their life that way and they didn't have any complaints. She immersed herself, tired herself out. It was already becoming a way of life, and Anna was happy about it. She was getting back to being the person she had lost sight of, temporarily, and this person welcomed the attention she was being given once more. It wasn't a way of coping, not for the most part. She reminded herself of that too often at first, but the need lessened now. She could listen to reason without faltering, and act without thinking. There simply wasn't time enough in the day for it.

But then there were moments that caught her off guard; she couldn't deny them. Of course she couldn't. They were always little things. Noticing the person in front of her ordering the same coffee. A song being halfway through when she turned on the radio; she'd leave it for a little bit, before turning it off and being left with her thoughts, which echoed in the room for a while. She let them drift, and she was happy as she did so. A calm descended upon her, she felt safe and all she could do was smile. Then, too soon, she remembered and it was like finding out for the first time all over again.

It wasn't just in passing moments, of course, but that was all she would allow it to be. She couldn't dwell, it would do her no good. The only way was to shake them off, keep herself occupied, keep moving. Whether she wanted to  _move on_ , she didn't yet know. All she knew for now was that her heart was still too bruised to hold anything more, not even the slightest bit of hope. She had soldiered on so far with it sheltered in her grasp, stopping it from shattering completely. It simply wasn't ready for any further damage. She wasn't ready for anything more than she could handle right now, which was not much past just keeping moving. Just keeping herself together.

_He had called a few nights ago. She was not far heading off to bed when the ringing sounded, and she had to stop her foolish heart from getting ahead of itself. A pang pierced the centre of her chest when she picked up, and all she could hear was his breathing. Even that sound killed her. Then he began to speak, and the hurt came fast._

" _Anna," he faltered. "Are you well? Please tell me you are."_

_She couldn't say anything. She couldn't bring herself to lie. It threatened to swallow her whole._

_There was silence before he spoke again. "I don't suppose…I know it's asking a lot…have you given any thought to whether you can…"_

" _I can't, John. Not yet."_

" _I understand."_

_She wasn't sure whether she liked the resignation in his tone, but she still had to add it._

" _I think it's best if you don't call."_

" _If that's what you want, of course."_

_Before she had time to think or say otherwise, she ended the call. A shiver ran through her as she placed the phone down, almost wanting to throw it across the room as well as cradle it to her. She hoped sleep would come even quicker than usual._

The nights weren't too bad, except for when the weekends rolled around. The time she had spare stretched out ahead of her, and there was only so much work she could take home before it overwhelmed her. Anna had the notion that that wouldn't be so bad, not when the alternative was this.

It was another Saturday night and she sat, a blank stare fixed to the wall in front of her, almost missing Gwen until she slouched into her line of vision. Anna made herself look up to see her friend wearing an expression of boredom and frustration and worry, more than all. In her hand, she clutched Anna's make-up bag, with only a little hope.

"What are you doing, Gwen?"

"If you're not going to do it, don't think I won't. And you know that I can be lethal with eyeliner."

She smiled as she stepped closer to the sofa, taking the aforementioned eyeliner out and thrusting it towards a reluctant looking Anna, sitting with her knees bunched up. Deciding it was probably better to take a gentler tack, Gwen placed her weapons down and padded over, perching herself on the edge of the seat next to her friend. Leaning her arm against the back of the sofa, she sighed softly, keeping her gaze on Anna.

Relenting just a little underneath Gwen's glare, Anna shifted. Her eyes softened at her friend's hopeful expression but her mouth remained set.

"I've had a really long week at work."

"All the more reason to go out and play."

Anna frowned, taking her hair out and pulling it back into another scruffy bun, two long strands falling either side of her face.

"Well, maybe that's not the right word…I don't expect you to pull the first man you see. Maybe the fourth or fifth…"

Gwen smirked a little half-smile before her face fell. Her methods of persuasion were going all wrong and she knew it. She reached over to pat Anna's knee.

"Honestly, let's just go for a few drinks, somewhere really low-key." She looked away for a moment towards the spot on the wall that Anna had found so fascinating, and where she was looking once again. "I've had a really crappy week at work. And I've got an essay to start next week…"

Gwen's voice was petering out to a reed as she glanced up towards the ceiling, not daring to look Anna in the eye this time.

"Well, I'm not holding you to ransom. You go out and tell me all about it."

She huffed, a bit louder this time. Whatever she thought about the situation, she had to keep it restrained because then nobody would win. Gwen adjusted herself on the sofa, sitting back a little further.

"Nah, there's no point going out on my own. I'll probably just bump into someone from work and that'll be that, the night ruined." She smiled fondly at Anna. "I'd rather just stay in with you again, sad sack."

Though she tried her best to look the stark opposite of sad, Anna's bottom lip jutted out unconsciously as she faced Gwen. Her friend just laughed and swatted her on the arm, before she slumped down and rested her head against her shoulder.

Anna let out a long sigh, aware she was doing so and getting fed up of the sound herself.

"I'll see how I feel next week."

"You said that last week," Gwen reminded her with a little smirk.

"Oh god, I'm sorry, Gwen," Anna groaned, swiping a hand over her face, feeling awful for dragging her down. She couldn't expect Gwen to sacrifice her social life just to keep her own selfish and – she supposed she really was, though she did her best to deny it – sad self company. "I know I'm being insufferable. You have every right to be completely pissed off with me." She rubbed faintly at her head, a deflating sensation sinking all over her.

Gwen's hand closed around her arm. "You reserve the right to be pissed off, and blind with rage, and mopey, and I'm not going to take that away from you. I will embrace all of those moodswings right there with you, and I will also get you lots of wine and chocolate when you need it."

Anna smiled weakly. "I think I've consumed twice my body weight in both of those things too much lately."

"And you still look amazing. Really, I was hoping for just a bit of leeway."

They both sniggered, and it did feel good to laugh, even if the jabbing pain against her temples was saying otherwise.

"I can't say I've been there, because I haven't. But I do know that this is really bad. It's a thousand times worse than last time."

Anna rolled her eyes, grimacing. She was awful at even attempting to hide her feelings.

"And it's for that reason that I'm absolutely shit scared," Gwen stated, a slight waver in her voice. Anna looked at her with eyes that were beginning to brim and saw that her friend was fighting to keep hold of her emotions too. "You know I'm not meaning to push you and I've only got your best interests at heart. I just don't want weeks to turn into months, and I don't know…right now, I can see that happening." She stopped to fiddle with her hair, seeming a bit uncomfortable. "And if I lose my best friend, even if she's still here, I can't help thinking it'll be partly my fault for not trying harder."

Anna sniffed, smiling sadly. "It won't be your fault. I do appreciate the tough love, you know."

"You haven't seen anything yet."

Gwen straightened up, giving her best 'I-won't-take-no-for-an-answer' look. Anna had to chuckle.

"I don't doubt it," she affirmed. "It won't be that bad, I won't let it get like that. I'm getting there already." She ran a hand over her raised knees. "You may have noticed that I'm out of pyjama bottoms much earlier, which is one thing."

"I'm very impressed."

They laughed again. Anna fixed Gwen with a look, tapping her arm.

"I'm not going to promise right now, because you'll only bring it up next week and make me feel bad." She shook her head softly. "But soon, definitely. I'll look forward to it." She could, and she would. "Just, not tonight."

Gwen looked as though she was going to argue, jumping off the edge of the sofa. She made to grab something from the table, and Anna was about to groan in protest, until she turned around again.

"Boxset marathon it is, then. And the wine's in the fridge."

* * *

_She shouldn't have been surprised when he stopped calling, not when she asked him not to do so anymore. It was good that he wasn't trying so hard, was keeping his distance, her head told her heart. It meant that there was no distraction and they could both get on living their lives, as they had done before the other came along._

_She was just coming round to that way of thinking, when the text message arrived._

_\- I know you don't want to talk to me, Anna, and I don't blame you. Just know that you're on my mind, and I'll wait for you, whenever you're ready. It's your call. J x_

_She wasn't ready, not yet. She didn't delete the message, but she didn't reply._

_A few days later, another came._

_\- Words seem to come easy this way, but you should know they're not. I wish I was better at this kind of thing. I should be better all around. I'm sorry, Anna. Truly and deeply. J x_

_He could say sorry so many times – would she ever really believe it? This time, she typed out a response but retreated before she could send it. She tried to forget, didn't re-read over and over like she had done the last._

_They became simpler greetings._

_\- Have a wonderful day Anna, whatever you're doing. I'm thinking of you. J x_

_And simpler still._

_\- Take care. J x_

_And every time, each one broke her heart anew._

* * *

She scooted across the floor, bringing files down from the shelves, picking out pictures and samples, arranging them back at her desk before going on the search again. All the while, she tried valiantly to ignore the brown eyes that were boring a troubled look into her, watching from the doorway. After a few minutes spent rifling through for just the right design that the client needed for their invitation, Anna turned towards the door, beginning to lose her patience with Mary's furrowed brow.

"Mary, there's no need."

"No need for what?" she asked innocently.

Anna huffed in exasperation. "That look you've been pinning on me since two days ago." She set the box file back on the shelf, planting her hands on her hips while Mary continued to give her best stare of concern. "I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. I know you mean well but I'm fine, really. I won't fall to pieces if you leave the room, I can tell you that much."

Mary lowered her gaze, folding her arms against her defensively. Anna felt a little guilty, but it was either that or snap completely, and she was still afraid of doing that. God only knows how Mary would have reacted then.

"I'm sorry, Anna, but I don't think you should be here. You look terrible."

She laughed, a little shocked. "I know I can always rely on you to be as blunt as a hammer."

"I don't mean…" Mary began, not quite knowing how to take the statement back, cringing just visibly. "You're doing far too much. You need to rest otherwise you'll burn yourself out." Her face softened, the worry lifting just a little. She offered a genuine and warm smile to Anna, who accepted it. "Take a few days, get away somewhere. I could get in touch with Granny, you could go and stay at her summer house. I'm sure you'd get on. I'm a lot like her."

Anna shook her head as Mary stifled a small giggle.

"I'm very grateful, but I really am okay. I want to keep busy. The Andersons' event is in two weeks and there's still so much to organise."

"I can take over. You know, I've learnt a thing or two from watching you," Mary smiled, walking over towards Anna and tentatively brushing her hand against her arm, before retreating quickly and using it to swipe her hair over her shoulder instead. "But I know you're like me in that respect. That there's no use arguing."

"Exactly," Anna half-smiled, and clutched onto Mary's hand instead, making her flinch a bit until she settled and pursed her lips. "I'm fine, honestly I am, and I would let you know otherwise if I wasn't, don't worry about that."

"Well, I'll try not to. But you can't tell me anything, either."

Before she could wave her out, Mary went into the next room of her own accord, leaving Anna to get on. Though she did value her fussing, and also found it a touch unexpected, Anna breathed a sigh of relief when Mary was out of her sight. The office was her haven at the moment, and the last thing she needed was to feel uneasy there too. But she was thankful that she had a friend almost as firm as Gwen in Mary, and she knew she could rely on her to stay true to her word.

She submerged herself deep in her to-do list, only being roused when a knock could be heard against the door.

"I'll take care of it!" Mary shouted up, her voice fainter as she bounded down the stairs.

Anna carried on contentedly, not hearing much other than muffled talking and footsteps. The new set thudded, as if they belonged to a man, and for a moment she went heartsick. That was until she heard the word 'Papa' being spoken by Mary. Robert followed his daughter into the room opposite, bypassing Anna in her office, though she was sure she felt his gaze, not unlike that of his daughter's, peer in at her briefly.

There was chatter amongst father and daughter, none of which Anna could hear and none of which she wished to. A quiet fell after a little while, and she would have believed that Robert had left, but then Mary's voice rose sharply in admonishment.

"I can't believe you never said anything, Papa! Poor Anna…to think, you might have prevented this."

"Mary, it wasn't my place to say…if I could have done, then I would."

A chill ran through Anna as she sat there, listening to them talk. She was restless suddenly, had the urge to do anything but stay still. And if they were going to continue to talk about everything as if they had no idea she was in the next room, then she couldn't take it. She hastily gathered her things on the desk and stood a bit too soon, making a charge for the door. As she did, she was met with Robert appearing there and Mary with a stony but apologetic expression at his shoulder.

"Hi, Anna," Robert started, a slightly uncomfortable yet still sincere smile on his face. "I'm sorry if you overheard…"

"It's fine," she snapped, not meaning to sound as harsh as she did. It wasn't his fault, after all; he had only been caught in the middle.

"Papa, now's not the time," Mary piped up, her face defiant. "If you want to discuss something, let's do it another day."

Robert turned round briefly to face his daughter. "Thank you, Mary, but I'd just like a quick word with Anna." Swivelling forwards again, he looked at Anna softly, tilting his head. "If that's okay?"

"Yes, it's alright."

"But…"

"Mary, it's fine," Anna assured, nodding her head towards her. "We're nearly out of milk, if you could go and get some? I could do with some tea."

Mary's eyes flashed briefly, and then she calmed, nodding back at Anna before she made her way down the stairs.

Robert shuffled around nervously, settling himself in a chair and standing up again seconds after. He was making Anna anxious just looking at him, so she turned her attention to the shelves.

"How is everything at the restaurant?"

"Great, fantastic," Robert replied quickly. "It's going really well, much better than I'd hoped for. Though I wouldn't mind you doing another fancy bash at some point, maybe at the end of the summer?"

"I'll have to see if we can fit you in," Anna laughed lightly, still feeling the tension which didn't seem close to dissipating. Robert smiled back, hands in his pockets, and the awkward silence hung in the air, though not for that long. Stepping forward, Robert took a breath before he went on with what he had come to say.

"Anna, I won't insult you by pretending why I'm here. I think you know it's about John."

The mere mention of his name made her stomach flip over.

"Robert, I don't think it's…"

"Now, I'm not going to fight his battles for him. God knows he has never let me. He doesn't know I'm here now, and I know for certain he would be horrified if he knew I was talking to you. But I couldn't not." He sighed, breaking gaze. "I mean, I can't help but think I've had a part to play in all of this."

"You weren't the one who lied. You weren't the one who was having an affair while you were married."

Robert looked like he had taken a bullet on John's behalf, wincing at her clipped tone.

"He's always needed a push. He has a habit of getting listless, when he wants to. And I've never known him to get this bad."

He frowned deeply, and Anna felt like she had to look away.

"He's cut up, Anna. Tearing himself apart, saying over and over that he should have told you and how much he regrets everything. I've told him time and again that he's been a fool, but it's not doing any good to lay more of it on now. He knows what damage has been done."

She nodded slowly, swallowing hard to rid herself of the burning in her throat.

"I know he's been in touch with you, and I don't know what's been said, but I know you haven't seen each other." Robert shifted again, rubbing his hand over his jaw before fixing her with a stare. "If you could do this one little thing, Anna, and just let him know that you might…"

She let out a cry, unexpectedly, turning on her heels.

"Robert, please don't. I don't know if I can, just yet."

"Anna, I don't mean to beg, but I'm desperate."

The shake in his voice forced her to turn towards him again.

"I've never seen him despairing like this, not through anything. I wouldn't bother you, but I'm terrified. I got woken up by a phone call at 4am the other morning; it was John saying he couldn't sleep for thinking of you, saying he hated himself for what he had done." He paused for a moment. "Saying you were his world…"

Anna gasped. "Don't guilt-trip me, Robert."

"I'm sorry, Anna, but it's all I could think to do. I really am sorry for troubling you."

She found herself shaking; she had to lean herself against the table, clutching on to an empty glass to steady herself.

"What am I supposed to say to that, Robert? What am I supposed to do?"

As she looked up at him, he couldn't offer any answers, and she felt all of her carefully constructed barriers come crashing down, leaving her completely defenceless.

"I'll see myself out," he said quietly, his form shrinking away from her. Before he left, he stopped and Anna watched him closely, her eyes pleading for some answer.

"Just let him know, Anna. Just don't leave him hanging."

* * *

_The screen was near blinding in the darkness of the room. She squinted, the throb in her head amplifying as she held the phone above her, agonising over what it was she wanted to say. Whether what she wanted to say was the right thing to say, she still didn't know._

_The clock read 4.02am. With a sigh, she heaved her legs up over the edge of the bed and the rest of her body followed._

_\- I'm so angry, John. I can't understand why you would do it.  
_

_\- My heart hurts more each time I think of you, and yet I can't stop.  
_

_\- Why did you have to do this to me? I miss you so much._

_She rifled a hand through her hair, the emotions coursing through her leaving her so confused. This wasn't the best time to do this; but then, when was?_

_\- I will give you a chance._

_Just don't let me down, she thought, drifting back to sleep, phone resting in her hand._

* * *

It had seemed like such a good idea only hours ago. She was the one who initiated it, calling up Gwen hastily and saying that she wanted to go out. After Gwen assented, more than a little surprised, she darted up the stairs, pulling out a dress and heels from her wardrobe, getting ready at such a speed that she wasn't afforded the time to change her mind.

Ever since he had said them, Robert's words had refused to leave her head. It was impossible to push them away and they were sending her over the edge. Thoughts of John desolate wouldn't let her alone. They sent a pang through her whole being. If he had done anything stupid…had he already tried? The responsibility of it pressed down upon her made her shudder. She was frantic, and everything came rushing up to meet the surface, almost overwhelming her. She should see him. Talk some sense into him. Even if it was to say something he didn't want to hear.

It was too much for her to cope with; she had to clear her head, or at least do something to try to. This seemed to be the best option. As they stepped out of the cab and into the loud music of the club, Anna felt the doubts start to creep in. She did her best to not let them overcome her, having a couple of drinks in the hope that it would loosen the knot that was tied tight in her stomach, rising slowly up her body. She stayed towards the back of the club, looking on, trying to let the thudding beat erase the chaos that was building again in her mind. Aside from a few guys looking her way, nobody bothered her. Nothing happened to cause it and it happened so fast that everything suddenly became a blur.

The room was spinning about her and she felt unbearably hot, as though she'd been cast into a fire. Her fingers were numb, her legs were like lead and it was getting harder to breathe in the space that wasn't that cramped. It was an effort to get the words out as she grabbed at Gwen's arm, trying not to grasp on too tight.

"Gwen, I have to get out of here…please, I've got to get out."

Even at the height of her panic attack, she hoped she didn't sound too pleading. Her feet swept her past the crowds, her eyes closing as she tried to contain herself, willing the sensations to pass quickly. Gwen stayed by her side, rubbing her back softly as she gasped in the air, staring straight at the ground to centre herself. Over and over she thought of how ridiculous she was being. It took a while for her to realise that Gwen had bundled them into the back of a cab, and longer still to realise it had stopped in front of her apartment. She knew that Gwen had asked if she wanted her to stay, but she dismissed her with a soft whisper. Her trusted armour came out again.  _I'll be fine._ She promised she would as Gwen went down the path, telling her to call if she changed her mind at any point, no matter how late it was.

From the second she closed the door she had slid from her feet down against it, and she was still there now, legs twisted in front of her, barely moved an inch. All she was aware of was her breathing, slow and steadying, in and out. The peak of her fear had been reached long ago, and though it had took a while to come down, it had subsided now. All she was left with was that wave at the pit of her stomach that was there day and night, waiting to rise up and consume her.

She stared ahead of her, down the hallway; seeing nothing, feeling not that much. She was absolutely exhausted. Letting out a sigh, her eyes lifted. Amidst the regular pattern she'd just got it back into, her heart jumped in a strange beat. The wave was beginning its charge and she saw no choice but to surrender.

The tears began springing from her eyes before she had finished pounding the staircase, and by the time she had got into the room and landed upon the bed, they were a flood. Her chest heaved and her stomach contracted painfully; she covered her face with her hands, wiping away the wetness that had streamed down her face, only for more to come seconds later.

She had kept herself together for so long; she hadn't let herself cry since that evening, even though she had been on the verge several times. But there was no use containing it. Tonight, something had broken inside her. She shuddered as she lay there, one hand tucked under her head, the other drifting over her arm in some hopeless attempt to comfort herself. Her sobbing bounced from the walls, surrounded her in the darkening room. They quietened gradually, but didn't come to a stop when everything became black.

Anna woke to hear the soft patter of rain outside. She blinked, raising herself up slowly onto her arms, feeling dazed. It was still dark, but there was a faint glow resting against the curtains which told her it couldn't be that late. She took in the time and saw that it had just gone eleven. It was as though she had been asleep for hours. She felt worse than she had before she'd cried herself to sleep; her mouth was so dry and a slight nausea had settled within her. She wavered a little moving herself further up the bed, bringing a hand up to her head, feeling a bit better as the moments passed.

The sound of the rain was soothing and Anna closed her eyes against it, sinking on the pillow. Emptying her mind of thoughts, she hoped it wouldn't be too long until the hush lulled her into a deeper, more restful sleep. She tuned herself into it, but then heard the unmistakeable but fairly quiet sound of her ringtone drift across the room.

Wobbling over to the other side, she grasped it too late, the tune dying as the phone was cradled in her palm. Her breath caught unconsciously seeing the sign on the screen.

She had only just settled herself to sit back down on the edge of the bed, adjusting to the near-silence again, when the beep of the message alert echoed twice. She picked it up from her side, nervous but full of anticipation.

_\- Look out of your window._

Anna padded across, her fingers grasping the edge of the curtains and sliding them back. Cautiously, she peeked out from behind the blinds. Her heart almost stopped on the sight.

There he was; John, standing below in the garden, rain misting over him.

He gazed up at her with a little smile on his face, his hands held out in front of him; his eyes she could see, even from this distance, were filled with emotion.

She'd underestimated how much she would feel when she saw him again. Maybe it was because she wasn't prepared, but something told her otherwise. Her heart was going wild in her chest. Even though her eyes were still red, she could feel them dancing with light, and her lips were desperately wanting to curl into a wide smile. She fought the urge keenly.

"John," she breathed his name hesitantly, "what are you doing? This is crazy."

He sighed, shaking his head and giving a little shrug, his eyes finding hers again.

"Maybe it is, but I had to do something. God knows I couldn't sit back a moment longer, knowing I'd messed this all up. Knowing how much I hurt you. It's killing me more each day, Anna."

She rested against the windowsill, needing to look away from him for a moment. She couldn't remember; had she even sent him the message to let him know she did want to see him again? The rawness in his voice made her feel so guilty.

"Anna."

She looked down again and nearly melted at the look on his face, so open, clutching onto this one last bit of fading hope. She knew she should have been furious still, and some part of her was, but the longer she gazed upon him the quicker her resistance began to break down.

"Years ago, months ago even, this wouldn't have happened. I would have let fear and pride and my stupid head get in the way. But I can't hide anymore, I won't let myself. I can't walk away from this. I can't walk away from you."

Her eyes were filling again as she saw him gulp in a breath, pouring everything into every word.

"Nothing really mattered before this, I'm aware of that now. I'm still not sure if I'm worth it, but Anna, my god, you are. You deserve so much, and I am honoured just to stand before you without you sending me away."

A little smile came onto her face, but then she frowned as he pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket.

"I know I shouldn't have kept things secret from you, and I don't expect you to believe a word I say." His hand shook as he raised the sheet, Anna seeing patches of ink visible where the rain was showering upon it. "So, this is what I've done, and this is what you need to hear. Because you deserve it. And I just hope I can deserve you."

He cleared his throat before he began to read. Anna was anxious, slowly releasing a breath she didn't know she was holding.

"I was three, and I broke my mother's favourite vase on purpose because I was jealous about my brother being born. She always thought it was an accident, and I never said otherwise."

She narrowed her eyes as he lifted his gaze from the page to her, still not absolutely clear about what he was doing.

John's shoulders relaxed a little, and he looked down again.

"When I was seven, I ate sweets from the corner shop without paying. Two different times. I missed church saying I was sick, and then after everyone had gone I sneaked out to play football…"

Reeling off the list, it clicked. Anna folded her arms against her, shaking her head in disbelief.

"John…this is silly." The rain had started to come down harder, it was soaking through his jacket. "You don't have to do this, come on, it's silly."

His expression was resolute. "If this is what it takes, then I don't think it is. No more secrets," he uttered, and a shiver ran right through her.

Anna adjusted herself at the window, watching the rain fall and John stand firm. If he insisted on going on, she supposed she had nothing to do but listen. He continued to run through all of his past secrets and wrongdoings, year by year, and she wanted to laugh with the absurdity as well as gather him to her.

"I shaved off our housemate's eyebrows at university when he'd passed out drunk, and I let Rob take the blame. I never told Cora that I lost Rob on his stag night and didn't hear from him until fifteen minutes before their wedding."

"John, please don't…you can stop now."

The rain lashed against the window pane, seeming to gather momentum on purpose. John was not deterred, as his hair stuck slick to his forehead. He was getting absolutely drenched, and the paper he was holding had all but dissolved. He looked at Anna deep and searching, so many sentiments held within his gaze. She felt them all acutely, bolts of electricity charging through her and holding her still. In the next moment, he crumpled the wilted page tight in his fist, not needing it for what else he had to reveal.

"A few years ago my life went to ruin. I drank too much, I was on the verge of having a serious problem."

Anna inhaled sharply, a touch surprised perhaps, but her face softened.

John took in another deep breath, not losing sight of her for a second.

"I got married to the wrong person, for what I thought were the right reasons."

She sighed heavily, resting a hand over her chest. She was sure he was telling the truth; hearing the words from his mouth as well as seeing him so sincere seemed to make all the difference.

As relieved as she suddenly felt, she had not prepared herself for his next confession.

"I fell in love with the right person months ago, from the moment I saw you."

The tears were welling in her eyes, and one dropped down her cheek. Though the rain was blurring her view of him a little, she could see that he was overcome too, just from the way he was completely still and still looking up at her.

Anna was certain she heard a gasp as she backed away from the window swiftly, practically galloping from the room and down the stairs.

When she opened the door, he was stood looking at her, his mouth just slightly open as he didn't know what else to do or say. He left it all with her, was at her mercy completely.

"Come on," she said softly, her hand welcoming him inside.

"Anna, are you sure? I don't want to…"

"John, come on," she reaffirmed.

He brushed past her only slightly as he entered the hall, soaked to the skin. Droplets of water dripped from his nose and his hair, flying out as he shook himself slightly, a pool forming on the floor. John looked up at Anna just as she was about to reach her hand out to help him with his jacket. A breath caught in her throat seeing his dark yet soft eyes, and she pulled back, taking the article from him when he'd taken it off. He tilted his head towards her, but she simply smiled.

When she got back from placing his jacket in the sink and fetching a towel, John was still standing just by the door, somewhat aimlessly. He nodded a thanks at her, taking the towel and rubbing it over his hair and face. Anna hugged her arms against her, watching, more than a little charmed by the way he looked and still rather taken aback at all that had happened.

"Well, I'd better get working," she exclaimed, "I owe you quite a few secrets in return for all that."

His face straightened as he took the towel away from her.

"You owe me nothing, Anna. Nothing whatsoever."

She saw that his eyes were glistening, and she had such an urge to reach out and touch his face.

He seemed reluctant to move, so she stepped back a little more, telling him wordlessly that it was okay for him to be there.

"I know that's just the beginning, and it doesn't come close to what you need to hear, but I swear, I will tell you everything you need to know."

Anna bobbed her head as he took a few steps closer to her. His breath was already rushing upon her face, surrounding and intoxicating her. Any nearer, and she was certain she would be lost again.

"Since we've been apart, I honestly don't know how I've coped," he said sincerely. "I've lived in such a fog of misery since you left that night. I think I'd forgotten what happiness is."

She gazed downwards, feeling her heart flutter at his words as he came closer still. Part of her wanted to stick to her guns, not give in so easily. They still had a way to go and many more bridges that needed to be crossed, that even needed to be put back together after the wreckage. She was counting in her head; she knew he was so close to her now, and she would have to look up at him again soon. He had such a hold over her, it was crazy. She wondered whether she should fear it, but in truth she felt calmer than she had for weeks.

"Is that so?" she managed to say, feeling a little bolder when she did gaze up at him. His eyes were wonderful, holding her completely. He looked absolutely gorgeous, his hair damp and plastered to his head. She wanted him to clamp a hand to her waist and pull her to his lips, though she knew it was too soon.

He smiled just a little. "It is," he breathed, his whole face as intense as his stare was upon her. His mouth was but inches away from hers now, and his hand was hovering by her cheek. "Anna, life without you…it just doesn't seem worth living."

She closed her eyes and felt his lips brushing hers, lighter than any kiss she'd felt before. Beginning to respond, she pressed her mouth to his, hearing him sigh in response as she grasped the edge of his wet shirt, his arms welcoming her completely. The rain had made his lips even more soft and pliable; a couple of rain drops fell from his face onto her cheeks, and Anna felt herself shudder, not completely sure that they weren't tears streaming from her eyes.

It was all too easy to get lost. She soon realised how fragile everything was, how fragile she still felt. He didn't seem too surprised when she pulled away, and wore an apologetic look all over his face.

"I'm sorry Anna, I shouldn't…"

"It's okay," she assured, flushing with heat at how she had got caught up. "It does take two."

He gave her a little smile, moving away from her. Despite his efforts, he was still dripping all over the floor and looked very awkward.

"I should get going, I'm sorry for this…"

"John, don't be stupid," Anna cried. "You can't walk back in that. You'll catch your death, even if it is summer."

He gave a sheepish shrug, as if to say that it was his own fault.

"You can stay here tonight. In the spare room," she was quick to offer, and it left a little sting for them both.

After a few reluctant seconds, he nodded in acceptance and headed upstairs. Anna held a foot on the bottom stair, watching and wondering whether she should go after him. Seeing him get to the top, she took it down, breathing out as she wandered back towards the kitchen, not seeing him look down the landing towards her.

Later on when she came back up to go to bed herself, she found herself stopping when she saw his clothes rung out, hanging over the banister to dry off. With quiet steps she padded towards the door of the spare room, which was open a little. She jumped back, not wanting to be seen, but peered forward again when she realised that John was in bed. She could make out his dark hair and the curve of his neck peeking out from the covers, facing away from her. Sighing, she closed the door over, leaving her hand upon the grain a little while too long, her other covering her thudding heart.

It was only the beginning, and how she wished they didn't have to start over again. But it was better that they started somewhere, this time with no secrets.


	21. Chapter 21

In the morning, Anna found herself up at an ungodly hour. She had already drained two cups of tea in the dim light and was brewing another, mentally shushing the whirr of the kettle. She shuffled around the kitchen in her slippers impatiently before taking a seat at the little table, perching on the edge of the chair, tapping her foot rapidly against the air.

Her restlessness was nothing new. She had tossed and turned and for the best part of the night lain awake with the sheets thrown off her, her body calm but her mind racing. It was impossible to go to sleep when all she could think about was John in the next room, just a few steps down the hall. It seemed so wrong somehow, for him to be under the same roof and not close to her. Lying in another bed and not next to her. A shiver ran the length of her, a feeling that seemed to be familiar but itched at her soul.

Turning onto her side, she wondered whether he was awake too, plagued by insomnia and similar sensations as the ones she was experiencing. He was probably fast asleep, without a care in the world, unburdened from worries he had been carrying around for months. She tried to quiet the sound of her frustrated breathing so that she may be able to distinguish his soft snores.

It wasn't that long until she had flipped onto her back again, and even less time still when she was up on her feet, padding across the floor. Instead of heading for the door, she made her way towards the wall adjoining the rooms. She laid her palm there carefully, as if she was expecting something to meet her, a hand or a heartbeat. Then she rested her forehead upon it, pressing herself unconsciously into the space. Her body was yearning, even calling for him. Her heart needed to know his touch again, to have him hold her in his own. It wouldn't take long at all. Perhaps he would be waiting for her, raising himself up from beneath the sheets when she crept in, welcoming her urgently into his arms.

Leaning her back against the wall, she let out a prolonged sigh. It wasn't right, not right now. She had to be stronger than this. Though her desires still burned within her, she gathered the sheets around her, settling herself back down almost forcefully. She closed her eyes and feigned sleep, thinking of him all the while.

Anna was thinking about him now as she sat in the kitchen, earlier than she ever had done before. The kettle clicked and made her shoulders jump, shaking her out of her reverie but not letting go of it completely. Once she had poured the water into her mug, she fetched another, slightly bigger one, smiling as an idea occurred to her. She hoped that it wouldn't seem awkward; the thought of any kind of strange atmosphere between them caused a sadness to sink within her. As she rooted around the cupboard and pulled out the faded blue tray, she decided that it couldn't possibly be misconstrued. Besides, things had felt a lot less awkward between them last night. Anna fumbled slightly with the plates, her cheeks heating as she thought about how their lips had brushed and how close they had been, again. She knew it had been right to stop things before they spiralled, when there was still so much ground to cover between them, but it didn't stop her from wondering and thrilling at the memory, the remembered feel of him.

She buttered the toast swiftly and set it down on a plate, gripping the tray firm in her hands. Her heart pounded and her fingers began to slip at the edges as her palms got increasingly clammy. Wobbling from side to side, she took it slowly, bracing each stair with steps surer than all that was going round in her mind. Approaching the top, she noticed that his clothes were missing from the banister. Anna stopped herself a couple of steps from the door, looking down at the contents of the tray and holding a long breath. She let it out in the next few seconds, along with a soft calling of his name.

"John? Are you there?"

_Well, where else would he be, unless he's climbed out of the window?_

Anna stepped back as the door opened slowly, revealing a half-dressed John. He stood there, his shoulders not hunched at all, his hair still messy and sticking up a little where it had been upon the pillow. He ran a hand over it, smoothing down the strands, and Anna gulped fiercely before she recovered the ability to speak.

"I brought something up," she gestured the tray towards him, being careful not to send the mug rattling and spilling everywhere. "In case you were hungry."

"That's very kind."

He offered her a gentle smile; though he seemed to be a little dishevelled and hastily dressed, the gleam in his eyes told her that he'd probably been awake for a little while. She noticed him doing up the fly and button of his jeans quickly before he reached out to take the tray from her grasp and averted her gaze, flushing pink, though she wasn't quite sure why – just the other week, she had happily viewed him in a greater state of undress. But then, a lot had happened since then.

His smile increased as he angled his arms towards her, aiming to lift the weight from her hands. The tips of his fingers collided with hers just briefly, though it made Anna feel as if the world had stood still. She heard herself make a little gasp, unbidden, and John smiled as he turned away from her, placing the tray down on the bed. In the brief seconds that he wasn't in front of her, she fought to gather herself, but found the sight of the generous covering of hair across his chest immediately distracting as it confronted her anew.

"Oh god, I'm sorry if I disturbed you," she flustered, meeting his eyes suddenly, sure he was very aware of where her gaze had been directed not moments before.

"It's fine, you didn't do such a thing. My own fault for not getting up early enough."

It was barely quarter past seven; she had to stifle a giggle thinking it was far too early as it stood.

In a flash, he had pulled his shirt over his head and covered his torso, flicking the collar back. John raised his eyes to her with a faint redness in his cheeks as she watched him closely. He braced a hand against the door, leaning a little closer towards where she was standing but still keeping enough distance between them as they had both seemed to get suddenly shy.

"Thanks for putting me up," John broke the silence that had fallen. "You had every right to chuck me out into the rain." He laughed lightly, bringing his hand up from behind his neck.

Anna gave a soft shake of her head, a bit of hair falling loose from her ponytail. "I wouldn't have done that."

Her face was utterly serious, and John nodded, courtesy flashing in his eyes.

"And for all of this too. I am a bit famished."

She thought she could hear a grumble coming from his stomach, and laughed to herself as he seemed to suck himself in, trying to get it to stop.

"I hope you didn't go to too much trouble, I don't want to take advantage or leave you without anything…"

"John," she said, a touch irritated but then softened her voice and smiled easily. "It's no trouble, really. I wouldn't be very hospitable if I didn't give you breakfast."

She had to admit, it wasn't exactly how she had pictured preparing the first breakfast she had made for him, or indeed how she expected to equip him with it, and she felt that swift pang of sorrow press against her insides again. It lifted almost completely when he presented her with a warm, gracious smile.

"I'm sorry, I don't know how you take your tea."

Anna bit her lip as she said the words, being taken back to the first brief morning they had spent together at his place. Recalling the sweetness of his gesture fondly, it was probably not what she should be thinking about right now. The situation was very different, but neither could ignore the tension that was still sparking in the air between them. Anna shuffled on her feet, near blushing as John gave a faint shrug of his shoulders.

"It'll be grand, I'm sure. If anyone knows how to make a cup of tea…"

She smiled, subconsciously resting her hand against the doorframe, on the opposite side of where his was held. Tucking the stray locks of hair behind her ear, a tiny giggle escaped her and she didn't know why. Nervous laughter, she supposed. It was as if no time had passed since last night, when they had come face to face in the hallway, mere breath between their bodies. They weren't as close now, but the feeling rushed back to Anna, pervading her senses and making her feel quite peculiar. Not necessarily in a bad way, but it felt different to how she usually was around him, before all of this had transpired. It unsettled her.

Looking up at him, she could guess that John was feeling the same way. As he dropped his gaze and took an audible breath, she felt awfully sorry for him. It had taken a lot of courage for him to come round and do what he had done, to say all of those things to her, even if there was so much that remained unsaid. When he said he hadn't done anything like that before, she believed him. That made another feeling shoot up within her, one which the better part of her desperately wanted to give in to, more as each second passed. Her resolve was wavering, and she could feel it doing so within her as she stared into the pools of his eyes, diving deeper. Yet there was still that certain reluctance, a second thought that she gave to every action now. It would wear off in time, she knew. At least she hoped that it would.

Their eyes found each other again after a few moments, and even despite everything, a warmth crept over Anna that she couldn't deny. Given his actions last night, it was her turn to make a move, yet she couldn't think for the life of her the right words to say. That seemed to be a problem for her of late.

"So…" she began, her feet crossing at the ankles, instantly wanting to snatch the simple word back.

John gave a half-smile, his gaze softening as it was directed towards her.

"So," he repeated, and then raked his fingers through his hair again, the locks tumbling to one side. "I'm sorry if that came across completely crazy." He shook his head gradually. "Now I've slept on it, I'm not sure if that was the best way to go about things."

"Well, nobody has tried to win me back quite like that before, so it'll certainly stick in the memory."

She was smiling as she said it, but she noticed his face falling a little in shame. She cringed inwardly; she supposed she hadn't chosen her words wisely. Her eyes shadowed with worry, but were met with John's somewhat calmer gaze. The tension seemed to change hands between them each second, like a constant game.

John shifted a little, stepping out from the doorway just a half-step, so he was still held in shelter.

"Anna," he said her name in a low voice, a little falteringly. For a moment, she was struck with fear. A small smile flashed upon his face, replaced by a more sombre look in the next instant. "Whenever you want to talk things through. Properly."

A jolt started up at the bottom of her heart. A part of her had already believed that they had gone through it all, had fooled herself into thinking it was so. Part of her wanted to tell him it was fine, there was no need to. Perhaps they could get over it by simply staying blissfully ignorant. But she knew that would do nothing to rid her of the sensation that had wedged itself in her gut.

His eyes were hopeful, but his expression remained passive, not wanting to push her.

"If you'd rather not, it's fine. I understand…"

"Of course," she rushed to say, nearly reaching out to grab his hand but then seeming to think better of it. "Of course I do."

The pleading in his gaze was relieved, and they smiled at each other bashfully.

"Just not this very moment," Anna added lightly. "You know my brain doesn't work properly until midday, at the earliest."

John chuckled softly, bobbing his head at her.

There was no getting away from it, and Anna was a little afraid. But there was no point delaying the inevitable, delaying what was needed. The question seemed to hang in the air.

"I can't do today, or tonight. There's an event in just over a week, and I've got to prep the venue." Inside, she was a little thankful. It'd give her at least some time to get her head together. "But tomorrow evening suits me. If it does you?"

The weight visibly lifted from John's shoulders as he eased himself up.

"Tomorrow would be great," he replied. "You know that it's totally your call, I think I've forfeited my right to say."

She shook her head again.

"John, don't say that. You know you're going to have to work on the self-deprecation."

He looked remorseful, and she felt as though she'd put her foot in it. Ever so gently, she placed her hand over the threshold, guiding her fingers to his forearm. He jerked his head towards her, and she shivered a little as her fingertips came into contact with his warm, bare skin.

Comforted, he didn't complain when she released him and took a little step back.

"Tomorrow, then," she said in a near whisper, her eyes delicate.

"Tomorrow."

Anna smiled assuredly as she walked a few more steps backwards, her eyes still on John in the doorway as she made to go down the stairs again. He didn't seem to want to move from where he was, his gaze similarly fixed on her, almost as if his entire existence depended on her.

She gave a little nod inside the room. "Your tea will be stone cold."

That didn't seem to make any difference.

"You're pushing your luck if you think I'm making another," she smiled, cheekiness dripping from her voice.

He laughed silently and then nodded, dipping himself inside the room after he left her with another look that made her feel funny all over.

As she heard the door click and drifted down the staircase, she wasn't sure how she was going to get through the next day or more.

* * *

Waiting at the table, Anna looked out the window and sighed a little. It was a beautiful evening outside, considerably warm, and though she was saved from the sun streaming in upon her face in the spot she was situated, she still felt heat surge through her rather uncomfortably. Shifting on her seat, she wondered if she was terribly early. A glance at her watch and then at her phone told her that instead it was John who was running late.

He had phoned to apologise, and this time there was no mention of work or other excuses. He had been straight with her; his soon-to-be ex-wife had been in contact over some detail of the divorce and he'd had to have discussions with her and their solicitors via Skype. Even though she was glad he had given her the truth, the mere mention had sent Anna's blood running cold. She'd learnt that her name was Vera. She said the name over and over in her head, and somehow it just didn't sound right with John.  _Vera Bates_. It didn't sound right at all. She wondered what her maiden name had been. She wondered whether at the end of it all, Vera would decide that she'd quite like to keep his name for the rest of her life. The thought made Anna feel possessive, and more than a little sick.

Trying to push the thoughts out of her head, she topped up her wine glass just enough so that it wasn't too much and took a little more than a sip. She needed the courage right now. In the time since they had agreed on this meeting, she'd tortured herself in every way possible. John had done everything he could to make her feel at ease, leaving the decision of where they went and what time entirely up to her. Everything was on her terms, and he went out of his way to do exactly what she wanted. A little voice asked if maybe she should have felt suspicious about that, but she knew that was silly. He was simply being thoughtful and considerate, just as he had been before all of this; perhaps even more so now it had all come about.

She couldn't stop the questions from swirling about in her head as she sat waiting, trying and failing to keep still. How would it all go? Would he tell her every single detail? Would she want to know? Whatever was said, would it mean that her opinion of him would forever be changed? She wanted him to be honest with her, of course she did. It was important for her to know; it was important for them, going forward. But if he said certain things, things that she thought he had only ever known with her, that he told her so…the idea that he loved Vera; that he had been  _in love_  with her. He must have been once, and it was stupid for her to feel such agony over it, but at the same time she couldn't deny that she did.

He had told her months ago, but she had chosen not to listen. That she might regret being with him. That she might change her mind about him. Of course then she had simply thought he was doing himself down. She knew that she didn't regret it, not even with things how they were. Maybe she had changed her view on him a little; she couldn't get away from that. But even if he hadn't gone to such lengths to convince her that they were worth fighting for, even if it turned out he had felt differently all along, she couldn't change how she felt about him. Not now, and not ever again.

As her hand shuddered against her glass, she smiled at the thought. When she looked up and saw him at the far end of the restaurant, she was certain that her mind was already made up. From what she could see, he looked gorgeous, but it was when he came closer that she was really floored. He wore a dark blue shirt, with just one button left open, and suit trousers. His jacket was draped over one arm, it being too hot to wear, and his hair must have fallen looser through the course of the day. Anna hoped that she looked okay in her red burnished dress.

The grin that he greeted her with told her that he thought she looked more than fine, as did the kiss on her cheek that lingered perhaps a little too long. She breathed in his clean scent, her skin grazing his for a moment.

"It's a nice place," he said as he took his seat, waiting until she was settled back down. "I can't say I've been before."

She smiled eagerly. "I just hope a connoisseur such as yourself will like it."

"I'm sure I will," he assured, smiling back but then frowning a little as he adjusted himself in the chair. "Although I don't know if I'll be able to stomach anything considerable tonight."

He furrowed his brow, and Anna could read his meaning implicitly. It was written all over his face. He was just as nervous as she was.

"Then we'll have to come again another time."

John smiled, but not as openly as he could have done. They seemed to both know it was too early for promises.

"Neutral ground as well," he announced as he picked up the menu feebly.

Anna pursed her lips in a little smile and bobbed her head. She hadn't relayed to him about Robert and the things he had told her; she didn't want to set him further on edge.

"I thought it was for the best."

"I agree."

His hand moved across the table a little bit, close enough to be reassured by her presence but not close enough to touch her. Anna glanced at it for a moment, holding in a sigh.

"How was everything, with the venue?"

She shook her head, coming back to earth.

"It was good. They seemed happy with it, which is always a good sign."

John smiled, fiddling with the menu in his hands, looking at Anna intently. "What's it for?"

She bit her lip a little. "It's a joint baby shower…and a wedding reception."

His expression wavered. "Oh well…that's quite something."

Anna watched him squirm a bit in his seat. Even their small talk was pointing in one ominous direction.

"And, how was everything with you?" she asked, a little nervous for the response. "With…Vera?" It took her a while to be able to say the name aloud, and it left a strange taste in her mouth.

He offered her an apologetic look that she should have to say her name. His shoulders heaved.

"It was what it was. A little difficult," he sighed heavily, swiping a hand by his jaw. "But everything seems to be sorted now, nothing else should crop up. Thank god."

"That's good."

She straightened her back, taking another swift sip of wine. The situation did still seem a little unreal to her, and yet here she was in the thick of it. John was still silently saying sorry, and she gave him a smile to reassure him that she could handle it all.

Once the waiter had come to take their orders, John finally eased back against his chair, though his frame was still tight with anxiety.

"God, Anna, I don't know where I should start."

"The beginning sounds like a good place to me." She tilted her head a little to one side, wearing an encouraging smile, her hand just inches away from his on the tabletop.

He returned with a tiny smile of his own and exhaled a long breath, as though he was letting out years of repressed tension.

"So, as you know, I went back to Ireland not long before my mother passed."

Already, he wore a look of deep sorrow. Anna's heart ached for him reliving his grief; she could tell that it was hard for him to recall.

"It was the thing I was most glad about, that I had at least some time with her. I just hadn't prepared myself for how far gone she was. She was always so strong, you know, and she never let anybody know how much she was suffering; that was just how she lived all of her life. She fought until the very end." His voice began to crack. "I was with her. I held her hand. She told me she was proud of me."

He glanced up and Anna could see the tears in his eyes.

"Oh, John. I'm sure she was prouder of you than anything."

He smiled a smile that melted her heart and sniffed.

"It was the worst thing I'd ever had to deal with, Anna. It hit me so hard. The first couple of weeks immediately after, I think I was just numb with everything that was happening. Once we'd said goodbye and it was over, that's when the shock really set in. I was so lost. Every second of every day cut me to pieces, and I couldn't stand it. I wanted that numbness back, or at least I thought I did. I don't think I really knew what I wanted. The only way I could seem to find it was at the bottom of a bottle."

She saw him eyeing the new bottle of wine longingly, and with some regret. He'd drank in her company and been fine; it seemed strange to think he might have had a serious problem, but she supposed you never knew.

He answered the question she had before she could say it. "I'm not saying I was an alcoholic, but I was probably close to becoming one at that point. Given the chance, at one stage I would have drunk Ireland dry." He gave a little laugh. "And that's saying something."

His reaction gave her the permission to half-smile at him.

"It was my brothers who really pulled me out of all that. They saw what a sorry state I was in when I was too hammered to know, or even care. They dragged me onto my feet again, and basically told me what a self-pitying tosser I was being, and that Mam wouldn't appreciate it."

Anna tilted her head further in sympathy, but John shook his swiftly.

"That's just our banter. And they were right. I needed that kick up the arse." He smiled and huffed out a sentimental sigh, but then his face shadowed again. "But I'm not going to lie, it was hard to hear it. They were settled, they had their families, they had support. And there I was, on my own. It seemed too bloody easy for them to be preaching at me. I was bitter about it, but it wasn't just that. Looking at them and then back at myself, I just didn't know where I fit in. I didn't know what I'd done with my life, what I had to show for it. It seemed like any achievements I'd made had come to nothing."

He sighed as he looked into the sapphires of her eyes again, finding nothing but understanding there, though she couldn't have ever been in such a mess as he had.

"I know my mother would have loved to have seen me settled down with someone. She was always saying 'There's a nice girl out there for you, Johnny. She's just waiting for you to come along and sweep her off her feet.'"

His gaze softened pointedly towards Anna, and she blushed a little in response.

"It just felt like another way that I'd failed her. I hated myself for it, beat myself up every day. It was as though I could atone somehow, make it up to her, even though now I know I needn't have done such a thing." His eyes darkened again with trouble and regret. "I'd fooled myself into thinking it was the solution for me as well. If I just had someone there, to talk to and share everything with, then perhaps I could find my way back again."

He unfolded his arms against the table, laying them down carefully. Anna's heart was in pieces. She berated herself for daring to think so badly of him, when he had clearly been in such a difficult place. But then she told herself not to get too far ahead; she hadn't heard the whole story yet. She braced herself for what was coming next, and he did the same.

"I knew Vera from years back. There was a big group of us who hung about in school, and she was part of it. We weren't that close, but then again everyone is in a small town. I hadn't seen her in years with having moved away, and then one night I was at the pub – unsurprisingly – and she was there. We said hello, and got talking. She'd not long moved back herself, and we caught up over a few drinks. It got to be a regular thing over a few weeks, chatting about the old days and how our lives had gone. It turned out she'd never got married either, and well, it just seemed to fit. Or at least I thought it did in my head."

He took a gulp of drink to steady himself, and began to shake his head thinking about it.

"I know my judgement was clouded, but that didn't stop me. You know, I thought it was some kind of sign." He laughed incredulously at the notion. "She was from the same place, had the same upbringing…it seemed comforting in a way, given all that I'd thought I'd lost."

Anna bit her lip and exhaled slowly. She was beyond relieved, yet she felt unbelievably sad for John, that he had gone through things in that way.

"It all happened so quickly, and I didn't have enough time to process it. People told me at the time it was very fast, and maybe I should think it through, but my mind was made up. The night of the wedding, I knew something wasn't right. As the days went on, the feeling was still there, but I told myself that it was just because I wasn't used to something so serious. I kept saying that I'd get used to it, in time. That we'd grow into each other." He lifted his eyes to the ceiling, a look halfway between disbelief and shame on his face. Then he looked at Anna again, and she could feel every emotion running through him. "Of course, we never did."

He gave another shrug, returning Anna's gaze honestly.

"We coasted for a bit, but things went wrong very soon afterwards. We'd argue over the silliest things, and important matters too. It didn't take much. It seemed like it wasn't an ordinary day if we weren't bickering. I know marriage isn't always easy, but surely it wasn't supposed to be that hard."

Both of their hands had slid further across the table, and Anna joined her fingers lightly with his. John seemed momentarily shocked by the action, until he saw her and smiled.

"It was on both sides, I can't let Vera take all the blame. As much as I'd want to say it, she's not a bad person. We just weren't compatible, not like that. We only brought out the worst in each other. It had only been eight months or so, and I decided I couldn't live like that anymore. I told her I had to get away; the same night I packed my bags, and the next day I got a flight over here."

She tightened her grasp on his hand while he grimaced.

"Looking back, it was the wrong way to go about it. I was being a coward, as usual." He gave a burst of laughter, raising his free hand to his forehead. "I couldn't even tell her to her face that I wanted a separation, it was like admitting my failure all over again. I was being purely selfish. It was only a few weeks later that she came to the office, screaming her head off, saying how dare I do that to her. I managed to calm her down before she made too much of a scene, and after she took a few shots at me, she broke down. Her mother had been diagnosed with dementia a couple of days after I'd gone. God, I felt awful. Like it was retribution, somehow."

"You weren't to know."

He nodded his head rapidly, tracing his fingers across her palm.

"I know, but still. It seemed like everything I did turned against me, and everyone else. As though nobody should go near me, because they'd get burned too."

Anna could see it in his gaze, could see him questioning her. Like he wouldn't blame her for getting up and walking away, getting to safety away from him.

"I agreed that I'd go back over a few times, keep up the pretence for the sake of her mother. It seemed like the least I could do. There were a lot of visits at first, but over time they got less. She didn't really know anyone by the end. Vera dealt with it in her own way, which was to shut everyone out. I felt absolutely lousy, but there wasn't anything I could do except come back here. It all went quiet for a while, until she called out of the blue and said that she'd agree to a divorce."

There it was; the whole story. Somehow, John seemed more perturbed than he had done before he'd started.

Lifting his head, he sighed heavily, letting his hand travel over the skin of her wrist.

"There's so many times that I look back at the things I'd done, at who I was, and I'm so thoroughly ashamed. I hate myself for being like that. I hate the damage I caused."

As frustrated as she had been, and was a little bit somewhere still, she couldn't bear to hear him speak like that. She hated seeing him look so distressed and eaten up with guilt.

"John," she said his name softly, tapping upon his hand to make his hazel eyes look towards her. "You can't let it get to you. What's done is done. We don't know what we'll do when we're faced with something so huge, and we all react differently. I certainly don't know how I would have been if my dad had…when I was older. Maybe I would have gone off the rails."

He looked at her as if to question whether such a thing would ever be possible, and she raised her eyebrows at him.

"What I'm saying is, you can't spend the rest of your life beating yourself up over one part of it."

"But Anna, sometimes I'm certain that I haven't left it behind. That that is who I am, and always will be. Someone who causes hurt and pain, despite everything I want."

His eyes escaped hers, and Anna held a breath. She knew only too well what he was trying to say, and it was hard not to break down in tears once again. Instead she smoothed her fingers over his, and then grasped his hand where it lay.

"I know you, John Bates, and I know you're better than that," she assured him, keeping her voice strong, willing it not to falter. "I can't blame you for what you did before I knew you." That was true; it wouldn't have been fair. And yet something worked away at her. "I just don't know why you didn't tell me from the start." She couldn't stop her voice from breaking a little now when she thought of it. "Why you thought I didn't deserve to know you like this."

He looked up at her again, completely startled.

"Anna, no. Of course you deserved it. I'm the one who doesn't deserve to have you know me."

He sighed, taking her hand delicately before he set it down again.

"I knew straight away that you were special. When you looked at me that first day, I couldn't believe the things I felt. I didn't expect you to respond to my ramblings but you did, and I thought 'my god, John, you'll never be so lucky again.' I didn't know what you would see in me. I still don't. You're far too good for me. Pushing fifty, disaster zone in love. A man with a train wreck of a marriage already nearly behind him."

"John, if you really think I would have been put off by that," her voice was louder, attempting to overpower his notions. "I can be trusted to make my own decisions. I am a big girl."

She laughed a little to break the atmosphere, and it raised the faintest smile from him.

"It doesn't make sense, least of all to me. But I suppose I wanted…to shield you." He cringed as he said the words, knowing how they sounded. "Protect you and at the same time only have you see a certain side of me. When, god knows, I wanted you to have all of me. Even though you'd be the one getting the worse deal."

Anna shook her head, shrugging.

"But you should have let me make the choice," she affirmed once more. Her hand found his again, her touch speaking more emphatically than her words. "Do you really think it would have been any different?"

He half-smiled at her, raising his shoulders and drifting his thumb over her knuckles, sending shivers through her. They stayed in contemplative silence for a few moments, and Anna was happy to let the weight fall from her shoulders.

Out of the blue, something occurred to her, and John noticed her frown.

"What is it?"

"Nothing," she said, a little unconvincingly. "I just…does Vera know about me?"

John squeezed her hand reassuringly.

"She knows there's someone. But I didn't want to go into detail until we had spoken like this."

Anna bobbed her head silently. She was glad of that, but she couldn't help feeling a little anxious of what was to come. The thought of having to come face to face with her, even years down the line…

"As far as I'm concerned, the papers are already signed. I don't have to see her again." He was allaying her fears before she thought them. "Let her think what she wants. I don't care."

"I do," she said in a small voice, her cheeks turning slightly red.

John tilted his head to look at her with soft eyes, and after he caressed them tenderly, laced her fingers back with his.

"I only care about you," he uttered, the rasp of his voice going straight to her heart.

Her eyes flickered up towards him, and she was met with a wonderful smile. He looked more relaxed than she had seen him all night, than she had really seen in so long. The true John Bates was sitting in front of her now, holding her hand, telling her how he felt. In those simple words he said, she believed everything.

She was truly glad she could know him now.

* * *

It had been a long night, and Anna hadn't realised how much it had exhausted her until they were out in the muggy air. Neither knew what to say, so they simply smiled at each other, feeling between them as though that said it all. At least, all they could say that evening. They'd talked and talked, and everything that needed to had emerge had done.

John had not so much been unburdened as finally set free, letting her see all the parts of him he had been too scared to show anyone else. Anna was thankful, and happy, and felt as though she'd been through a gamut of emotions in a very short space of time. Everything had took her over and she felt almost dizzy, the heat of the night not helping matters. She explained to him gently that she needed to let things settle, just for a little while. There was no use causing any more confusion by rushing things along, making a snap decision when her head was so full, even if she wasn't as uncertain anymore.

She had been worried to see his reaction, and felt as though she was holding her breath for some time. There had been no need. There was no fighting, or rushing to ask why. He left her with a kiss on the cheek, longer and softer than the one he had greeted her with hours before. She carried the feel of his kiss home with her, along with the warmth of his eyes and sincere smile. That night, she slept soundly and her mind granted her the chance to dream contentedly.

Perhaps her dreams did something, as she awoke with a clear mind and much clearer intentions.

As soon as she was able to, she made her way to his house. She still felt like a bundle of anxiety as she knocked on the door, quietly collecting herself to see his face once more.

He opened it quicker than she had imagined and was smiling at her immediately. How had it taken her so long, she thought to herself?

"Anna."

She couldn't fight the bright smile at the sound of her name leaving his lips, nor at the way he looked so astounded to see her.

"John," she replied, giving a little bob of her head, her hands clasped in front of her. She couldn't keep him waiting any longer. "I am so glad you let me know everything. And it's taken a lot…"

"I know," he hurried to say and then admonished himself, stepping back.

Anna smiled.

"But I think we deserve another chance."

The grin was wide on her lips as she said it. John let out a breath before he burst into a beaming smile too.

She couldn't have denied it; they were worth fighting for, every step of the way. Everything had changed, and she felt it keenly. But she wasn't afraid of it. This had been hard, and she had been close to surrendering completely, but she knew from here on in they were only going to get stronger.

"Oh god, Anna. I don't know what to say. Thank you."

She shrugged, stifling a chuckle.

"There's no need for that," she assured, giving him a mock-warning look with her eyes and smiling genuinely. She wavered for a second before she went on. "But I do have two conditions, of sorts."

John looked a touch worried but was completely accepting. Running a hand through his hair, he said "Of course. Anything, Anna, I'll do it."

She smiled, sinking her feet further into her shoes.

"First, you let me make my own decisions about you and us. I'm big enough and brave enough to handle the consequences."

"I couldn't agree more."

Anna glanced down for a moment, enamoured by his intense and honest gaze. She fiddled with the bracelet on her wrist before she looked up again and said her second point, which was a little more difficult.

"And, for both of us, I think we should take things more slowly from now."

Part of her was screaming that it was ridiculous, but realistically, she knew it was right. Seeing the look on his face, she could tell that John had the same conflicting emotions.

"It's just from what you said…you know that I'm nothing like Vera. We're nothing like that. But we have only known each other a little while, and maybe we've got ahead of ourselves…with what's happened, I just think…"

He came to her rescue and stopped her getting lost.

"I understand," John said. "It's down to you, Anna. Completely."

"Down to the both of us," she corrected, and he grinned.

There wasn't a kiss, nor an embrace; just a brief touch of hands and a meeting of eyes before she left, unfurling her fingers from his slowly. Yet it was okay somehow. More than that.

They were on the same road, just a different route. What was meant to be was still, just altered slightly. And they were both starting to be happy, again.


	22. Chapter 22

The heat met her in an immediate rush as she entered the archway of the station, overpowering the already fierce humidity of the morning in the middle of London. Already there were masses of people gathering, a sea of bodies teeming through the ticket gates, impatiently making their way further underground to get where they needed to be, and just a few to where they really wanted to be.

Even though she'd lived in the city for gone a decade now, she still found herself surprised by it. Not just by the fact that the population seemed to multiply by hundreds every morning and somehow the edges didn't break and collapse, but more by the pace of everything. Everybody was always so frantic, moving at a terrific speed as if they wouldn't live to see the next minute. Yorkshire was sleepy in comparison. It could be said it was because not that much happened, but it wasn't that. People were simply happy to sit back, go with the flow. Let life surround them and unfold as it will. She felt a longing all of a sudden, an affection for her home county that she'd never realised before. It grew larger as she was immersed in the heaving crowd, elbows jabbing into her and ankles knocking against hers.

Anna wore a polite smile as she exchanged a glance with one commuter, who managed momentarily to look less blank-faced.

_You can take the girl out of Yorkshire…_

Though they were caught up by the crowd anyway, her steps moved consciously slower than the rest. She worried that she was a little late, and glanced at her watch. She relaxed when she reminded herself that no set times and no definite plans had been made, except for the eventual destination, which she had been the one to choose at his insistence. Anna smiled a bit too wide thinking of John and how carefully he had been treading, following her plea to take things slowly to the letter. She felt a tightening in her stomach when she pondered that perhaps she wanted him to push the boundaries, go just that little bit faster…

She bumped almost head first into the back of another traveller, giggling wildly to herself when they turned, saw the grin flooding her face and grimaced as if she was from another planet.

Though all of the details were left up to her, today had been his idea. At first, she had thought the notion of a 'second first date' was peculiar, and more than a little funny, but then she was utterly charmed by it. She couldn't have failed to be touched when he told her over the phone that he wanted to do things properly this time, and reaffirmed the vow in person when they met a few times afterwards.

Anna still found herself thinking of last time; of the sound of his voice so close to her ear, his cheek not even brushing hers but his hand placed near to where her own lay. When she had shifted just a touch in her seat, his little finger touched the curve of her hand for the briefest moment and she thrilled incredibly before he moved away, as though he had been burned and shocked at once. There had been regret in both of their gazes, but John had smiled it swiftly away, knowing he had no cause to be sorrowful and every reason to be gratified to have her allow him so near. Encouraged by the sincerity in his look, Anna soon did the same but registered the sadness sinking down to her soles.

She felt vibrant now, and light, and not in the least bothered by the throng of people pushing her down the stairs. She felt happy, most of all. The happiness carried her along, just a little incompatible with the new sense of anticipation that was invading her. It made her at odds with herself somewhat, but she relished the feeling. She wanted to hold onto it for as long as possible, savour every bit of it properly. Because that's what they were doing now.  _Doing things properly_.  _Taking things slowly._  By her own command. The buzz thrummed around and within her, in a rhythm faster than her hastening heartbeat. But somehow, she went even slower, smiling as her excitement increased with each little step.

Reaching the platform, the crowds began to swarm and then dissipate. Anna could make out some space to look out inbetween the heads and shoulders that bobbed by, and when she couldn't see him a surge of disappointment overtook her, followed swiftly by panic and a great deal of foolishness. She pursed her lips, hoping that she didn't stick out like a sore thumb and diverted her gaze to nowhere in particular for a minute or two.

When she looked back again, she could have shrieked with delight. Instead she beamed a smile to see him waiting down the platform, hands planted in the pockets of his well-fitting jeans. He hadn't noticed her, was instead glancing up at the announcement board, looking as though he was working hard to solve a mystery but was drawing a complete blank. He seemed incredibly nervous too, shifting his weight from one foot to the other rapidly, a slight shadow covering his profile. Even from this distance, she noticed his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed several times in quick succession. She'd never seen him so visibly tense, and her heart happened to think that it was ever so adorable.

She couldn't keep him in suspense much longer, or herself for that matter. When she headed over to him, the crowd seeming to clear a path for her automatically, he finally caught her eyes and treated her to a smile that nearly made her swoon. Of all the things she could have thought about, she found herself wondering whether the shirt he was wearing was new. She certainly hadn't seen it before, but she was immediately taken with it. It was red, blue and white checked, with the sleeves rolled up to just below the elbow displaying his forearms, which she'd always had a particular fancy for. A couple of open buttons revealed a plain black t-shirt underneath, its neckline teasing her with the way it covered the stray hairs lying beneath.

His cheeky grin had grown wider by the time she was standing in front of him and she was close to being captured by his eyes once again. She broke gaze for a moment, a little flustered, and wasn't all that surprised to see her hands clasped tight together, the skin over her knuckles almost pure white. Anna looked up at John, giving a little laugh at the absurdity but the loveliness of the situation. He followed with a silent chuckle of his own and then a huff of apparent exasperation.

"You certainly picked a day for it," he exclaimed, fanning himself with his hands. "I hope that whatever this involves will feature lots of open air and ventilation rather than being in some kind of chamber, wearing boiler suits or…Edwardian costumes."

Anna wrinkled her nose in puzzlement, wondering what he could possibly think she had in mind.

"No, neither of those," she replied, her voice rising as she tried to stifle the fit of giggles from surfacing. She glanced away from his scrutinising stare briefly, then boldly looked him straight in the eyes. Suddenly, she felt quite mischievous, but not quite enough to trace her fingers along the row of buttons lining his torso. Instead, they played with the swirl of the skirt of her summer dress and she delighted when she found his gaze wandering down to follow her movement.

She had the urge to reach out and lift his chin upwards, but she settled for closing a hand gently around his arm, which was more daring than anything she'd done in a while. His eyes flickered to her fingers upon him, and then up to hers.

Anna smiled softly before leaning just a bit closer, the crystal blue of her eyes taking on a devilishly darker hue for a few seconds.

"Well, if you can't stand the heat…" she teased, leaning back on her heels away from him, pouting her bottom lip exaggeratedly.

John watched her carefully, a smirk slowly lighting up his face as Anna couldn't resist finally breaking into a burst of light laughter.

"Oh, I definitely can. Don't you worry about that."

His tone was decidedly husky and tingles careened all over Anna. She tried not to whimper as he replicated her action of drawing nearer tantalisingly then stepping away when she was only just getting acquainted with his presence.

She stopped herself in time, catching the glint in his eyes and composing herself. It was easier to get carried away now, but she didn't want to let both of their promises down.

"I can definitely tell you that past here we won't be spending any time indoors," she smiled, seeing John looking visibly relieved. "It'd be a shame to waste such lovely weather."

"And you've brought summer with you." John stretched out his arms, gesturing towards Anna's brightly coloured flowered dress. "If it's not too bold of me to say on a  _first date_ ," he said the words with a hint of humour, "may I remark that you look a vision."

Anna blushed lightly, smoothing her hands at the skirt again as a partly nervous gesture and smiling brightly, which only captivated him further.

"You may," she said, her voice almost a squeak.

John smiled, his own cheeks going red with the way Anna was regarding him in his outfit. He stuffed his hands in his pockets to stop from reaching to cup her angelic face.

"I am very curious about what you've got in store. Can't you give me anything else to go on?"

Anna shook her head, her eyes still sparkling though she resolved that they wouldn't give anything away.

"It's a surprise, Mr Bates." She knew that he had a fondness for when she used his formal name, and the temptation to flirt was too strong. That's what first dates were for, after all, with this one being all the more advantageous for her knowing what buttons to press. "You're always so fond of those."

His eyebrows raised a little, and she giggled melodiously.

"You'll find out when we get there." She noted he looked thwarted that he hadn't managed to bend her, and gave him a little smile. "The only thing I'll say is that it's a place I've always wanted to go to, but have never had the chance."

He brightened visibly.

"Well then, I can't possibly argue with that. Although that's a lot of pressure on me, you know," he remarked with a wink as they walked towards the platform, the sound of the incoming train already echoing in the station. "Taking you somewhere you've always wanted to go on our first date. That's quite an impression to make."

Anna giggled almost uncontrollably this time, seeing him start to laugh too. Unthinking, she placed a palm upon his chest, almost moulding to him. As he looked down at her, she looked back with soft eyes.

"I have faith in you."

John held a breath, taken aback by her apparently simple words which meant so much more now. Gently, he raised his hand to his chest and took hold of two of her fingers, smiling as he caressed the skin lightly. Even after the contact ceased, both felt the surge still existing between them. They smiled at each other, a little coyly, until the train arrived in front of them.

Anna, shaken out of her reverie, dived into her handbag. "I almost forgot this. Though I can hold onto it if you'd like."

John took the container covered in a plastic bag that she pushed towards him, curiosity growing by the second. Looking in to it, he smiled a little incredulously.

"A packed lunch? I don't think I've had one of these since I was at school."

"It's good to be prepared," Anna beamed. "You'll thank me later, believe me."

She had to laugh at the sheer confusion on his face. He wrapped the bag back up and gave a shrug as the doors opened in front of them.

"I am already."

Anna smiled at him, the butterflies in her stomach refusing to stay put as he searched her eyes.

Today would be quite the day.

* * *

As they made their way through Regent's Park, Anna could barely hide her excitement. John smiled fondly at the way she was bounding ahead of him and he couldn't have been bothered about the fact that she seemed to have temporarily forgotten that he was there.

"A day at the park? Very nice," he chortled, teasing her.

Her blonde hair flicked out as she turned her head around, tutting and giggling. She looked an absolute picture and he found it hard to believe his luck. Anna tugged upon his arm briefly and he obliged her wishes, walking briskly in the warmth, the sun breaking through the wisps of clouds in the sky.

John followed Anna's animated gaze up to the gates, the hum of chatter and various animal noises building to a crescendo. Though it wasn't the summer holidays yet, the place was teeming with groups of friends and couples as well as families with young children, parents trying to calm down their little ones but failing as they ran about in circles, tooting and waving their arms about. John cast a look around, feeling a bit sorry for the already put-out parents but very amused too. Their unabashed joy was infectious, and it had certainly affected Anna. He couldn't help the grin pulling at his lips when he saw how happy she was.

She was looking at him eagerly, clearly waiting for his reaction. He looked past her dazzling blue eyes for a moment, pondering slowly and purposely until it seemed like she was going to burst. Laughing, his eyes fell back upon her anxious but utterly beautiful face.

"The zoo," he said matter-of-factly, biting his smile back a little.

Anna's smile got bigger, if that could have been possible.

"I love the zoo," she began to babble, and John felt his heart bounce in his chest. "I haven't been to one in so long, and like I say, I've never been to this one." She beamed towards him before her eyes were drawn back to peeking past the entrance, her enthusiasm not waning one bit. He didn't think he could have been more enchanted by her but sure enough, he was.

"I've never been either," he remarked, seeing she was surprised. He loved the slightly stunned look in her eyes, innocence quickly fading into impishness.

"Never?" she exclaimed, her hands resting on the flare of her hips. "But you've been living here for ages…I mean, you've got  _years_  on me."

John shook his head as she giggled, turning a little pink.

"I suppose it's just never been high on my list of places to go."

Her face suddenly fell. "Oh, you hate it, don't you? I'm sorry, I…"

Feeling a sting in his chest, he reached for her hand, hearing her make a little gasp when he held it closer to him. It had been the first time that their hands had been circled so closely together since everything, and it had been an unconscious movement on his part. For a few seconds he was afraid of how she would react, but the smile drifting onto her lips told him he had no reason. He felt himself relax and fill with energy.

"Of course I don't," he reassured her in a tone as soft as he could muster, leaning a bit closer to her as she tucked some hair back behind her ear. "I would love anywhere you took me."

Anna bit on her lip before she broke into another smile, raising her eyes to him. John had to fight to keep from bending and taking that bitten lip between his.

"Come on, then," he squeezed the hand that was still in his gently. "No use hanging about. We've got the whole place to see."

Her eyes brightened to a hue bluer than the sky above them.

"What'll it be first then?" John asked as they made their way through the gates, gesturing towards the signs pointing in different directions. "Animal Adventure, that sounds quite good."

He was a bit confused as Anna burst into laughter, her hand squeezing his as she convulsed.

"That's for kids," she explained, though he soon caught on when he saw the herd of families heading that way.

John reddened a touch, but then smiled fully as he turned towards Anna, radiant from joy.

"I might be getting on," he whispered, "but I'm young at heart."

* * *

Soon enough they were right in it, making their way gradually around, not missing any creature that was in sight. Anna had her spirits dampened temporarily when she discovered that London Zoo did not house any elephants, her favourite animal, but she soon cheered up when she discovered the giraffes munching on leaves and the zebras running by, a stray one getting into the giraffe enclosure and causing much amusement as it was chased around, not seeming to mind much and in fact quite happy to participate in the game.

They'd took in the tortoises, dragons and tigers, and were strolling leisurely up towards the lions and monkeys, staying behind the commotion that both animals caused in many of the other zoo-goers. Their hands were still joined, effortlessly, and Anna was smiling, her smiles turning to laughter as John pressed on, a hint of teasing in his tone.

"You know all of this already," she shrugged as the sun shone down upon them, adding perfectly to the lightness that was all around them. "I feel a bit silly repeating myself."

"Just humour me," John winked at her, swinging their arms lightly. "It is our  _first date_ , remember. I know hardly anything about you. Aside from the fact that you're drop dead gorgeous, and what you're doing walking out with me nobody will ever know."

She shot him a look, sheltering her gaze from the sun, and then giggled once more, lacing her fingers more tightly against his.

"Okay, then, you perfect stranger. What would you like to know?"

"Well, I know with that lovely accent that you're not from these parts…"

Anna tried not to shake her head too fiercely with the compliment after compliment that he was paying her.

"I'm not. I'm from Yorkshire."

"Ah, the green county. Lovely place. Never been, but I know it's beautiful." He raised his eyebrows towards her, and she felt her stomach flutter at the way he was regarding her. "Bronte Country. I trust a well-educated woman like you knows them inside out. Charlotte, Anne or Emily?"

"Charlotte, I think. Though it's a hard choice. And I always feel rather sorry for Anne, she's awfully overlooked."

"It's usually the way, unfortunately. Though I know you would give everyone a fair chance."

He stopped to fix her with a warm smile before they went on.

"Your own family?"

"Well, there's Mum, my older brother Ben who lives in Australia now,  _me_ ," she said in a strange tone of voice that made her laugh when she said it. "My younger sister Beth, and my baby brother Sam. Though I suppose 22 isn't really a baby any more. I think he's actually got the oldest head of all of us."

She smiled fondly, and saw John displaying a similar expression looking upon her.

"Any sibling rivalry?"

"Not really, aside from the usual little squabbles. We've always got on quite well, I think Mum was thankful. I suppose that's a bit strange really."

"No, it's nice. It's important to have that family support. Too many people don't value it."

Anna nodded, smiling as they stopped on a lawn, taking a look at what was ahead of them. His hand had slipped from hers and she was a bit bereft until she felt him touch her back very softly.

"Is that enough?" she questioned playfully, watching the pink cloud of flamingos flounce in the distance.

"Not nearly," John shot back, chortling as she pretended to roll her eyes.  _I could know everything there was to know about you and it wouldn't be enough,_ he thought. "Let's see…what did you want to be when you were younger?"

She smiled at this latest enquiry of his, turning around to see a couple of llamas prancing across the way.

"Would you believe me if I said a zookeeper?"

"Funny, that," he said with a smirk, following her gaze.

"Well, I did," she affirmed with a chuckle. "For a little while, at least. Then it was a ballerina, a teacher, a policewoman, a journalist…I settled on that one for a while."

"You can afford to be indecisive," he laughed, narrowing his eyes at her with a cheeky grin on his face. "And what is it you do now?"

"PR, events. I've got my own company, actually. Well, partly."

He looked markedly impressed, and Anna decided she would play along.

"You seem like a well-connected man in the city," she purred, holding in her laughter as one of the lions growled in apparent disagreement. "I don't suppose you know of the Crawleys?"

"I do, actually." He was doing a better job of keeping a straight face than she was.

"Mary is my business partner."

"Oh yes, Robert's daughter. I'm acquainted with him. We went to university together. He hung about with some bloke called John Bates quite a bit."

Anna began to smirk, her eyes dancing with more than the sunlight.

"Oh, are you still in contact with him? I wouldn't mind being introduced." She curled a strand of hair around her finger. "From what I've heard, he seems very interesting." She stole a glance at him from underneath her eyelashes. "And quite fit, too."

She watched his eyes smoulder upon her and his lips hide a smile.

"I see him every now and then. I don't really know what to think of him, if I'm honest."

Anna frowned a little, turning at the waist towards him. "How so?"

"Well, he keeps himself to himself and he's very hard to read at times. Not the best of traits."

"Maybe, but we all have our flaws."

"That is true." He stared carefully, seeming to study every little detail about her. Anna flustered a bit at the attention. "But you know, it might be too late. I've heard that there's someone. And despite all that, he's keen on her."

Anna looked away from the displays before her up into his eyes, a bit overcome at the honesty she found there.

"I'd say he's very keen, indeed."

She let out the breath she was holding, then broke into a satisfied smile. Giving him a little shove on the arm, she heard him chuckle throatily.

Standing closer to one another, they contemplated the horizon. Anna laughed and then cooed as a fat baby pygmy hippo trundled into sight, nearly stumbling over on its legs before its mother came to nudge it back up straight.

"They're so cute. I wish I could take one home with me."

"I don't think we'll be able to smuggle it out in your bag, but we could try."

She made a little whimper of discontent, but then shrugged.

"Oh well, it doesn't matter," she said, leaning herself into him. "Because I have a bear that can come home with me instead."

"Is that what I remind you of?"

She felt herself burning red as he fixed her with an inquisitive stare.

"Maybe," she uttered lowly, shy that she'd let the thought slip out.

After a moment, John laughed again.

"That's not bad at all. I thought I might have been one of those."

He pointed towards a lone gorilla slumped on the ground, picking at its fur and scratching itself. Anna began to laugh, her sides shaking close to him.

"Or, even worse, one of these."

He unfolded the map, highlighting the enclosure of bearded pigs.

They both broke into hysterics, Anna patting her palm against him.

"Don't be silly," she breathed as they started to calm down.

Anna was suddenly aware that her head had come to rest against his chest, and that was not all; glancing down, she saw that her arms were looped around his waist, holding him close and possessive. One of his hands remained fitted snugly against the base of her spine; she felt a comforting warmth where his fingers lay. It had happened so naturally, neither had questioned it.

She wore a slightly wary smile as he looked down at her, seeing that she had moved only barely. There was the same slight trepidation on his face, but he made no effort to push her away, either. They remained that way in silence for a bit, the only thing breaking it Anna's sigh, partly of relief, mainly of contentment.

Then she felt a slight nudge against her arm and glanced up when she heard the monkeys making a fuss.

"I think they're hungry. And so am I. Shall we find somewhere to break into these packed lunches?"

* * *

They made their way through Butterfly Paradise and looked – as well as listened – to the parrots, before sitting down to eat lunch. Anna was happy that John enjoyed the sandwiches she had made, a selection of ham, cheese and tomato and chicken and sweetcorn, unsure of what would be best, but he devoured them all without a complaint. It took her a little longer to finish hers, but John seemed pleased of the chance to take some time out. Together they talked easily, soaked up the sunshine, watched the variety of people pass by. Everyone seemed happy; nobody argued for long, only except when there was a disagreement of what animals to visit next. The experience had been all that Anna hoped it would be; it was a lovely day, and she was in the best company. Until she attempted to make John move on to the next stop on her tour.

"Come on," she announced brightly, hopping onto her feet with renewed vigour after their rest. "It's off to Penguin Beach."

John groaned as she dragged him up, and Anna wondered what the matter could possibly be.

"Can we just stay here for a bit? It's tiring keeping up with you; I'm not exactly a spring chicken, you know."

Anna folded her arms against her as he at least got up.

"There's lots more to see, and if we stay here any longer we'll never get to it all." She decided to turn it on a little more, giving him her best puppy dog look. "And you wouldn't really want me to go home upset, not on our," she used his tone, " _first date_."

John sighed, watching her pout turn into a smile, walking quickly to catch up to her.

"You know I cannot possibly deny you whatever you desire, Miss Smith."

Anna waltzed happily along, linking her arm around John's, her skipping steps in stark contrast to his that plodded by her.

"The penguins are so sweet," she chimed, hooking her hand into the crook of his arm. "And that they have their own little beach, it's adorable. I do want to see the penguin show."

"I'd prefer having another of the chocolate biscuit variety," John mumbled, making Anna laugh melodiously. She gave his elbow a little squeeze, noticing that he didn't just seem grumpy. A rather ridiculous thought occurred to her.

"You're not scared of penguins, are you?"

"Pffff, of course not."

John puffed out his chest with some bravado, the strands of his hair sticking up in the breeze making him look a bit like a certain breed of penguin himself. Anna pursed her lips tight to refrain from giggling.

A shadow crept across his expression and she felt him tense up a little. "I just don't like the way they waddle," he grimaced. "Something about them has always looked shifty to me."

Anna smoothed her fingers against his arm, watching his eyes swivel towards her. She said nothing except to smile at him, exchanging a look that reassured without words.

"But for you," he said, with renewed confidence, "I will look past that."

She smiled graciously, her heart swelling.

"Let's stop here first," she said, pointing out a little kiosk. "I quite fancy an ice cream, even though I probably shouldn't after lunch."

"Nobody can ever have too much ice cream," John smiled at her. "I'll pay."

After deliberating for a while, they walked out with an ice cream each in their hands, the others held between them as they went on. Anna thought about the weight of his hand in hers and about how things had been since the morning. Yes, perhaps they had got a little closer than she had bargained on, but it didn't seem to matter, not when it felt so right. If she were really honest, wasn't she just fooling herself thinking things could possibly be otherwise? Today had been close to perfect so far, and she wouldn't change a thing. In fact the only thing that would make it better would be something she wasn't sure he would chance to do…

"Look at that over there," John nudged his elbow against her arm gently, and she turned her head to see what he meant. Before she did so completely, a blob of vanilla ice cream was planted on her nose.

Anna blinked in shock, the tip of her nose sending her completely cold. John's hearty laugh sounded on the air, and she couldn't help smirking once she'd got past the surprise.

"I'm sorry, my hand slipped."

"Of course it did."

She swiped the remainder of her chocolate lolly at him, barely grazing his cheek, her wild giggles not doing much to improve her aim. Instead, he ran a streak of ice-cream squarely below her nose this time, a touch trickling down to her top lip.

Their laughter ceased in a moment and so did the world around them. Before she could lick the ice cream away, John did the job for her, his mouth capturing hers swiftly and softly. She gasped a little and felt him hesitate, but then her hand was in his hair, guiding his lips over hers again. It was a sweet, chaste kiss, masking hidden depths, but it left neither of them in doubt.

Even so, Anna could tell when they pulled away from each other that John was feeling perhaps a little guilty, even though the look in his eyes told her that he had enjoyed it as much as she. She smiled, trying to assuage any misplaced feelings.

"That was nice," she said simply, placing a hand against his side. He looked down to where her fingers lay upon him and a crooked smile quirked upon his lips.

After a few moments, he replied in the affirmative. "Yes, it was."

Slowly, she prised herself away from where he stood, the memory of the kiss lingering upon her lips putting an extra spring in her step.

"I hope that'll be enough to brave you for the penguins."

She wouldn't have minded if it wasn't quite.

* * *

The expedition to Penguin Beach went a lot better than she had thought it would, John staying back at first but eventually being charmed by the birds flapping their wings. Anna was especially delighted to have been one of the members of the crowd chosen to feed some fish to the penguins, and she'd never forget the experience, just as she would never forget the manner in which John looked on as she did so, his face lighting in pleasure and complete admiration for her. Walking back after her task, she felt like she was floating on air.

She didn't feel so good about heading into the nocturnal enclosure; in truth, she was quite terrified. It wasn't so much the dark but more whatever was lurking in there. The idea of bats flying about her made her shudder, and she had an unsettling premonition of one getting tangled in her hair. Anna looked at John by her side as they made their way closer to the entrance and felt better when he offered her his arm. She was only daring to go in because of him; he'd been talking about it non-stop for the past hour or so, and it was only fair considering she'd dragged him along to see the penguins. He gave her a soothing smile when he saw her taking in a deep breath, and then his smile vanished, along with the best part of her sight as they were plunged into darkness.

The caves echoed as they treaded carefully through, Anna's legs tensing and her hand clutching on to John as she heard the beating of wings above and around her. John's fingers came to cover hers and her shoulders jumped at the contact at first, before she realised and they shared a small laugh about it.

"Is this just a ploy to get me closer, Mr Bates?" she asked, hearing him hum a chuckle as he held his other arm delicately around her waist, and she welcomed the presence.

He responded by giving her waist a gentle squeeze, his fingers curled around the curve of her hip. She could tell he was smiling, and she smiled genuinely too as they continued through the pitch black.

Anna whimpered every now and then making out the outline of bats swooping closer, clinging a little tighter to John. She was reassured a little by the fact that she wasn't alone in her fear; an attendant could be heard talking to more than one nervous person in the enclosure, assuring that there was nothing to be afraid of and the creatures were completely harmless. Still, she was glad she had someone so strong to hold onto.

"It's probably not the best time to say this," John leant into her, whispering in her ear as they bravely trekked by the fruit bats, "but I've got a bag of grapes in my pocket."

Anna tutted, swatting his arm, and despite herself, began to giggle. A whooshing and screeching sound then went incredibly close to her head as they ducked under an archway and she could make out a shadow looming not very far away indeed. She couldn't refrain from yelping loudly, her whole body shaking as she braced her arms tight around John's frame.

He scooped her to him, his arms circling her protectively and one hand rubbing lightly down her back.

"It's okay," he spoke soothingly, "I'm here. I've got you."

His embrace stayed safely around her the rest of the way round, only releasing her when they were back in the light of day.

"Oh god, my heart's going twenty to the dozen," Anna exclaimed, holding her still quivering hand over her chest and giving John a deeply reproachful look. "I hope you're pleased with yourself," she said firmly, but with a little laugh breaking through.

"It wasn't that bad," John remarked in his velvety tone, a warm glint of pride in his eyes. "You'll feel better for having done it."

"Hmm, I suppose," she conceded reluctantly, her stark glare transforming into a half-smile the longer she stayed looking at him. "But that doesn't mean I'm going to let you off the hook that easily."

"Really?" John lifted his forehead as she started to prowl closer towards him, with a stance that he supposed was meant to be threatening.

"Yes, really…"

Anna began with a wicked smile on her lips, but was quickly distracted by the movement of something around her shoulders. She stumbled over her feet, catching herself steady enough in time but flinging her head from side to side, fearing that perhaps she hadn't emerged unscathed after all. The rather fat bumblebee buzzed away from her in a hurry, and she breathed a heavy sigh of relief, biting a shameful smile while John regarded her with a soft gaze, covering his mouth to stop the laughter from emerging.

As she began to giggle herself, he took his hand away and uttered a sigh.

"God, I love you."

Anna had been making to turn away but now stood frozen, her eyes large and her heart thundering even louder in her ears.

"What did you just say? Did you say you…"

As though he had only just registered it, lagging a few seconds behind her, John gulped, his hands wavering by his side. His eyes were shining with honesty and though his mouth was open, he didn't do anything to take back the words he had said, still hanging in the air between them.

A surge rushed through Anna's head, travelling down to her toes. She hadn't expected this at all, had pictured and heard it happening so differently in her head. It was perhaps more of a shock coming now, yet the sensation running through her was much stronger and more pleasant than she had reckoned it would be.

The sentiment sinking in, he looked momentarily terrified as he brought a hand up to his chest, his gaze searching hers restlessly.

"I'm sorry, Anna, I shouldn't have…"

"Don't ever be sorry for that."

He started to smile again as she came closer towards him, his arms ready to greet her. She slipped into them naturally.

John gently put a hand to Anna's face, sweeping her hair over her shoulders. She smiled against his palm, feeling his other hand sliding very softly to her waist and seeing his eyes dazzle brighter than they ever had.

"I didn't just say it to get round you," he whispered, his voice caressing her. "I really do."

Anna bowed her head briefly. Though she nodded into his hand, she had to say it. Everything within her seemed to ache to hear it when she was so close to him and she could feel the truth of every word.

"Tell me again."

He smiled at her, his eyes begging a question which she answered immediately.

"I love you, Anna."

She wrapped her arms back around him, savouring his warmth, opening her heart fully to it.

"And I love you too."

* * *

The afternoon finished in a much calmer fashion as they rounded the remainder of the animals. They stayed for a while watching the meerkats, heads bobbing keenly to and fro, Anna smiling at the children who were hopping about fascinated, doing their best impressions of the little creatures. They moved on from looking at the lemurs towards the otters, floating happily in their pool, basking in the late sunshine; all the while Anna and John walked side by side, arm in arm, Anna loving how sheltered and safe she felt as he towered above her, his gaze dropping every now and then to her height, the smile he flashed at her making her feel ten times taller than she was.

The three words he had said to her were still playing in her head and heart and she never wanted them to stop. She wore a silly smile just thinking about them. Holding onto his hand, she pressed her palm a little more into his, wondering what was going on in his mind, whether he was feeling the same heady rush of emotions she was. Taking a glance up at him, seeing how calm he looked but still noticing the fire that was burning deep in his eyes, Anna was assured that he was living everything with her, the beat of his heart aligned with hers.

As they watched a pair of otters gliding across the water, joined paws keeping them from drifting away from each other, Anna exhaled a sigh that turned into a giggle.

John quirked his head towards her instantly. "What's up?"

"So much for taking things slowly," she laughed, the tips of her fingers tapping against his hand.

His face crumpled half-apologetically. "Maybe it's the heat getting to my head, making me a little carried away."

"I hope not," Anna answered back quick as a flash, lowering her eyes, and John smiled immediately. She leaned for a moment against his side, resting her head below his shoulder and he clasped her hand in his between their bodies.

Anna felt the slight sigh that he released and lifted her eyes to him inquisitively.

"Not exactly model first date behaviour is it? No wonder I haven't been that great at them in the past."

As they started to stroll on again, he met her gaze with a knowing smirk.

"Although, I've never told any woman that I loved her on the first date."

"Well, I wouldn't normally recommend it," Anna giggled, holding her hand just below his chest. "But I think it was okay in this case. More than okay."

John stood in front of Anna as they got to the last enclosure, placing his hands on her shoulders before taking hers delicately.

"Are you sure? Because if I'm breaking any rules…"

Anna chortled, shaking her head.

"I'm not even sure why I made them," she confessed, lacing their fingers together briefly before letting them fall away. "We were always going to have a head start."

They smiled the same smile at the same time, as she lay her palms upon his chest and he ran his hands over the tops of her arms. Both turned their heads to see what was in front of them; the sight of two lovebirds sitting on a perch, one bigger than the other, nuzzling their heads together.

John piped up; she felt the rumble in his chest.

"So, do you think I'm on for a second date, then?"

She grinned. "I'd say it's a good bet."


	23. Chapter 23

"Sybil's engaged?"

Anna stared at Mary a little incredulously as they began to round off at the office, letting the surprising news sink in. She did have to wonder why Mary hadn't said anything sooner and instead just dropped it rather casually into conversation, as if it were not even a second thought. If it was any of her siblings, she would be bursting, near enough going up to strangers in the street to tell them. Instead, Mary looked absolutely unflappable.

"Yes. Last weekend. She called us all individually, practically screaming down the phone. I think my eardrum may be perforated," Mary pulled a face, her flat tone seeming to mask annoyance, perhaps even a touch of resentment. "At a festival, of all places. I just hope the ring is real, and not plastic. God forbid that she should have to buy her own."

Anna laughed, closing down her laptop and checking her phone for a moment before shrugging on her jacket.

"That seems very Tom and Sybil to me. At least they stand out from the crowd, well, in a manner of speaking."

Mary was still shaking her head at the apparent indignity of it all.

"And I'm sure Sybil is ecstatic about her ring, no matter if its diamond-encrusted or fluorescent orange."

"Well, we shall see," Mary wrinkled her nose. "I shall be having words with Tom Branson if it doesn't pass inspection."

She gave a little upward curl of her lips, and Anna smirked out of Mary's vision. That was her way of showing that she really did care, besides all outward displays.

"It is rather soon, isn't it?" Anna remarked as she shut the windows in the office. "How long have they been dating, about seven months or so?"

Again, Mary did not seem in the least bit stunned.

"That's Sybil. Terribly impulsive. She was a month early when she was born, and she's never wanted to wait for anything since. Mama said that she wants to be married by the beginning of autumn." Mary's voice rose several subtle octaves. "I have money on it that she won't even wait that long, that they'll take off in the night and we'll only know about it when they need someone to tow them back home."

"As long as they're happy."

Anna made the most important point emphatically. Nobody could have denied that the couple were incredibly happy; even Robert had seemed to have now come around to the slightly roguish but well-meaning young man who had captured his youngest daughter's heart, and who had done the same to him in exchange. Perhaps they did have the mindset of teenagers, both idealistic and believing they could do anything and be indestructible. Looking at things from further away Anna could see it differently, but she couldn't berate them. They truly did seem to be two sides of the same coin, and they would learn their lessons like everyone else. They'd do so together and she didn't see how their love could ever fail. It gave her a warm, deeply pleasant feeling inside – one which she had become quite accustomed to once more, happily.

"And it's so exciting," she continued, gathering her thoughts into order after her brief daydream. "Just think, you'll get to be maid of honour twice."

She smiled a little slyly on saying it, but didn't expect to look up and see a curious grin pass over Mary's face.

"Oh, I certainly will be for Edith. But I doubt for Sybil. She'll probably get one of her hippy friends with dreadlocks to take over." Her nose wrinkled even further, and a hand crashed against her forehead. "Oh my lord, I don't even want to think about the dress…if there even is one."

Anna's eyes widened and then she let out a chuckle.

"Well there you go; that can be your sisterly responsibility, to offer sartorial advice."

The compliment made Mary rather pleased with herself, and as she glanced down to admire her outfit, still pristine after a long day, Anna took a glance at her watch and then again at the screen of her phone. She was probably being a bit unreasonable; he had been working on the other side of the city today, talking to authors who seemed like they might have something serious to offer rather than a pastiche of the latest bestseller. He'd phoned as she was finishing up lunch, adding onto the time somewhat, but that was one of the perks of being your own boss. Even though she tried to argue that he would have had a tiring day, he still promised her that he would stop by to pick her up when she finished. She wouldn't lie, the thought got her through some very trying calls with clients that afternoon.

Now it was almost half past five, and she was starting to teethe bits of skin from her lips. Perhaps she would head to his office instead, assuming that he'd gone back there. An unsettling sensation rose in her stomach on thinking about that, which was silly but something she hadn't quite relinquished completely. She was lingering now, double and triple checking things, and she sensed that Mary was starting to get antsy.

She was just about to offer an apology when voices and footsteps could be heard ascending the staircase. Anna exhaled and a thankful smile was on her face prior to their arrival.

Matthew still held John in conversation when they stepped in, and Anna bit back a laugh seeing his eyebrows lift almost above his head when he was denied the chance to cut in once again. Poor Matthew, he had so much boundless enthusiasm that it was hard for anyone to get him to stop talking once he had begun, especially someone as polite as John. This afternoon he appeared especially unstoppable. Anna decided she would take the initiative, clearing her throat discreetly but a little louder than normal. The flow of Matthew's talking stopped, and he met both of their eyes with a smile.

"Hello, ladies," John rumbled from behind Matthew, greeting Mary with a nod of the head and smile and then fixing his gaze firm upon Anna. She coloured a little at his attention, returning it full pelt. If it wasn't for Mary walking across the room and breaking the connection but temporarily, she would have forgotten that anyone else was there with them.

"Hello, Bates," Mary replied, not waiting for Anna to emerge from her reverie. "This is quite the treat for us."

"Well, I was on my way over…"

Matthew bounded through again. "And I was doing the very same thing, and what do you know, we ran into each other. They do say great minds think alike."

"Something like that," John remarked almost under his breath, and Anna tried hard not to giggle. Luckily, Matthew just stayed grinning, too enraptured by Mary's sway to notice.

"Well, it's certainly very nice indeed," Anna smiled sweetly, watching John's expression soften as she kept her eyes on him. "I'm sure you had lots to catch up on on the way."

Her eyes twinkled as John shook his head lightly, then smiled encouragingly when Matthew turned towards him.

"Oh, just talking shop. All frightfully boring," Matthew laughed, patting John on the shoulder lightly. "You know, John, I wish I would have followed in your footsteps. It would have saved me a damn sight of time."

Anna cringed a little at his words, and as she did so Matthew's face shadowed too.

"Oh, of course I don't mean to say what you do is easy," he flustered. "Not by any means. Just that it'd be delightful. Doing so much reading, manuscripts instead of case notes."

John wasn't put out by it, gesturing to attempt to calm Matthew down. "It's fine. I'm glad for everyone's sake that I'm not doing your job."

"Well, things are quite hectic right now. Mary will tell you, it's lucky that I see her as often I do."

"And sometimes that's too much," Mary added, dry as anything, but Matthew picked up on her playfulness.

"I'm glad to hear it's all going so well," Anna broke in.

Matthew smiled graciously. "It is. Well, for me anyway, I wouldn't like to be in my clients' positions, but you know…that's not to say I can't make time for friends. If you have any matters you need dealing with, I'm on the other end of the phone, happy to help." He turned again to John, who looked a little alarmed to be singled out. "John, if you ever have any trouble."

Unaware of what he had said, Mary soon rectified matters with an icy glare at her other half.

"Oh, god! I'm so sorry, that was stupid of me."

"It's quite alright," John replied, tapping Matthew on the back and giving him a reassuring look that tempered Mary's. Anna stifled another laugh as Matthew looked incredibly ruffled, fishing for the right words and gradually smiling when he saw that everything really was okay.

"Come along," Mary marched over to Matthew, the air of mortification not quite gone from him, grabbing onto his hand. "Before you put your foot anywhere else."

Matthew's eyes were wide at John and Anna before he was pulled into the adjoining room, mouthing his apologies. Anna was finally able to let go of her giggles, placing a hand against the warm breadth of John's chest and silently pleading him to come nearer, though he did so automatically.

"God, he doesn't half go on," John exclaimed, the look of exasperation soon leaving his eyes when her hands dropped, meeting in a circle around his middle. "I think I got about ten words in edgeways the whole way here."

"Awww," Anna cooed, smiling as his large hands began to stray up and down her back. "Are you feeling underappreciated?"

His lips pouted for a moment before he broke into a grin so gorgeous that it made her heart do somersaults. As he held her closer to him she felt herself enveloped, melting away, moving into him. She marvelled at the feeling, always so thrilling. One of his hands travelled up to catch at the back of her neck, and she leaned back, ready to fall apart right then and there, him always waiting to catch her.

"There were times when I thought this day would never end," he rasped. Goosebumps sprang up on Anna's skin, roused and then soothed away by his wondrous touch. Gently, he tucked his thumb underneath her chin, lifting her face up to him. A second afterwards, he dipped his own, delighting her with a swift but utterly enthralling kiss. "But it was all worth it to see you."

Anna pursed her lips together, savouring the taste of him, her fingers running a trail down his sides. "The very same here," she giggled as she heard a happy sigh escape from him.

They were seemingly unable to untangle themselves apart, but Anna didn't mind much. She realised there was nothing much better on this earth than being hugged by John, having his strong arms wrapped around her, making her feel like nothing else mattered. She would have been perfectly content to stay, had the urge not overwhelmed her while he stroked the ends of her hair softly. Raising herself up onto her toes, he realised what she was angling for and adjusted himself accordingly. The kiss she captured was longer than the one he had claimed from her, and she delighted to feel him surrendering to it, going loose in her embrace.

"I have something for you," he managed to whisper in a strangled breath against her hair when they ceased, the backs of his fingers stroking her cheek through it.

"Oh, do you now?" She couldn't help the salacious tone her voice had taken, and felt him chortle against her.

"It's only something little."

"Well, I'm intrigued now."

Her hand ran into his hair again, she was unable to stop herself doing so. Anna beamed as she stole another kiss from him, his lips tasting sweeter to her than they ever had before and proving irresistible. She parted her mouth a little more, needing more of him.

"Thank god we're not that undignified."

Their eyes flickered open and they turned around slowly, hands still pressed against each other. Anna's cheeks flushed to find that Mary and Matthew had caught them in the midst of a kiss that had been growing in passion steadily. She stumbled a little on her feet, her newly released hands clasping behind her back as she didn't know what to do with them. Mary's eyes, sparkling with a grin, raked over to John, threading a hand to fix his hair that Anna had left unkempt.

"Umm…we thought you'd gone," Anna stuttered out, her voice still a little hoarse.

"You  _hoped_  we had," Mary shot back, her lips thinning out as she looked to her side at Matthew who was smiling adoringly at her. "Well, we were going to, but it would have been rude. And there is something that we have to share."

Anna and John stood awaiting, his free hand having sought out hers, laced together behind her back.

Mary eyed Matthew at a little distance, then brought her hand out from the loop of his arm. Anna could see the size of the diamond sparkling from where she was standing.

"Sybil's not the only one who got engaged."

She remained straight-faced for a moment, then her crimson lips split into a smile. Matthew turned a little pink, his gaze held firmly on his fiancée as she held out her hand into the air. John smiled at the couple, while Anna's mouth hung open in shock.

"I…wow, Mary…I didn't see  _that_  this morning. I don't know how, you could barely miss it."

"Matthew took it to get resized," Mary corrected, and Matthew just nodded, lost in a daze. "I was simply bursting to tell you. But I thought it would be most fun like this."

"Well," Anna breathed, "it's certainly something." She wasn't sure why she felt a little deflated.

"Congratulations Mary. And Matthew," John went forth, bracing Matthew's hand and shaking it firmly, leaning in to whisper aside to him. "You're a braver man than I am, Gunga Din."

Mary made an apparently insulted face at him before laughing and turning towards Anna, who wore a watery smile on her face. At once, Mary rushed to hug her, and she was startled by the display, nearly being knocked onto her side.

"Oh Anna," Mary whispered, clinging onto her, "It's so wonderful. I'm ever so happy."

Anna smiled genuinely, even though she was still rather surprised. "And I'm happy for you."

Loosening her grip, Mary was still grinning as she stepped away. "I'll tell you everything soon, I promise."

"Well, we're going for some drinks later," Matthew piped up from underneath the doorway, John still standing by him. "We'd be thrilled if you could both join us to celebrate?"

Before Anna could make to speak, John intervened. "If you don't mind, we might give it a miss. It's just been a long day for us both." He was at Anna's side now, his arm curled around her waist as he glanced down for her approval.

She nodded at him, smiling, and then turned to Mary. "I'm sorry, Mary, but I do feel tired. You know how it's been today."

"Of course," Mary exclaimed; apparently, nothing could throw sand onto her fire. "Another time though? We'll double date."

"Love to."

As Mary and Matthew left, giggling like schoolchildren, Anna stood staring into space, lost in thought. She only stirred when she felt John's hand move in waves against her back, and she craned to see his eyes on her, soft and slightly worrisome.

"Alright?"

His fingers were brushing against hers now, seeming reluctant to take any more from her. Swiftly, she bridged the gap, holding them tight.

"Never better."

* * *

They walked along and down the streets away from the office, Anna cradling the little gift bag containing the miniature wooden carvings of a hippo, an elephant and a bear close to her chest, her eyes enlivened by John's smile, vibrant against the day that was still shining and bright.

The strange and sudden sadness that had taken hold of her lifted almost as soon as they stepped outside. She really had no idea where it had come from, and why it should have struck her at the announcement of such happy news. If there was one thing that was certain, it was that she couldn't fail to be cheered by John; by his news and conversation, by the way he stopped to let her have her say or to otherwise have her silence. She felt deliriously happy simply by the way he looked at her inbetween all the spaces, with eyes that were open and smiling and felt more like home to her every day.

He was going far and beyond the call of duty this evening, just having said something that made her laugh perhaps a little too loudly in the echoing air. He grinned widely at her uncontrollable giggling, before he moved in front of her, stopping both of their tracks.

"Anna, there's something I want to ask you."

The smile on his face brightened briefly before it dimmed, and then he was hidden from her as he bent towards the ground. Anna felt her heart leap in her chest, but she wasn't entirely sure whether it was a good or bad thing. Everything seemed to still to a halt.

"Anna," he seemed to breath her name deliberately slowly, full of emotion. "Will you do me the honour…"

"Oh god, John."

She wanted to scream at him to get up as he lifted his head towards her. Then, with an impish grin, the rest of him followed as his body sprung back up, and then she had to be the one to look up at him, full of anticipation.

"…of having dinner with me?"

"You silly chump!" she exclaimed, aiming a soft swipe against his arm. Now John was the one to laugh with abandon. She could have smacked him clean in the face, if she didn't want to kiss it so badly. "But we went out the other night."

He was smiling at her now, taking her hand softly.

"I mean, at my place," he clarified the request, his eyes hopeful but not beseeching. His thumb stroked over her skin gently, and she keenly watched the path it took. "I still owe you for last time, you know, before I went away."

There was only a second of stillness between them, before it faded to nothing, a forgotten memory.

"I have to make it up to you."

Anna's smile dissolved, her head tilting to the side. "You don't have to."

"I  _want_  to."

There was such rawness in his voice, she felt her heart fissure. Her fingers reached up to cover his, as best they could.

"How could I possibly say no to such an offer?"

She smiled again, feeling her heart grow lighter as she saw his come to life in his eyes.

It seemed that it was now her turn to make him happier than he could have been before.

* * *

A few hours later, Anna was on his doorstep. John had been eager for the night to go ahead, and so had she, and now that she had freshened up and changed her clothes, she felt brighter and really quite excited. She moistened her lips, clutching a bottle of wine and clicking her heels softly together as she waited for him to open the door.

She was drifting off into a dream world with the amount of time it was taking and a part of her thought she was still dreaming when he appeared behind the door, tea towel slung over the shoulder of his shirt. It was quite an ability he had, to always be able to take her breath away, no matter what the occasion.

"M'lady," he smiled that little half-smile, stepping to one side and making the way completely clear for her.

Anna bobbed her head, chuckling lightly as he bowed before her, taking her hand to kiss it and then trotting back into the kitchen, leaving her just a little dazed. She hung her jacket carefully at the bottom of the staircase and took in a breath, looking around her for a moment. It had been a little while since she had found herself here, though it didn't feel like that long at all. Her gaze travelled up all the way to the top of the stairs, and she smiled to herself thinking about that first morning, when she had strutted down the steps as if she was queen of the palace.

She began to move through the hallway, peeking her head just a little into the doors that she passed. Though she had been to his place a few times, everything still felt quite new to her. The thought suddenly occurred to her why that was; before, she hadn't spent too much time outside of the bedroom. A blush exploded in her cheeks, and she made a note to herself that she would pay more attention from now on.

The scent of cooking lured her to the kitchen, as well as the sight of John slaving away, preparing everything so diligently. She was set admiring the broadness of his shoulders, the ripple of muscles underneath his shirt as he worked. She could have happily done just that for the rest of the evening, her appetite not seeming that important all of a sudden.

"Something smells nice," she announced, and he turned to face her with a proud smile.

"Just an old favourite I rustled up," he said modestly.

The grin on his face grew as he watched Anna move forward, her mouth opening as she looked out beyond them both, completely stunned at what she beheld.

"Seeing as it's a fine night, I thought we could eat outside."

His words whirled about her as she stepped down, going into the edge of the garden. Not too far in front of her was a low table and two large, padded wicker seats, shaded by a balcony covering. The table was already laden and decorated with woven leaves and flowers, and a circle of tea-lights ran around the centre. There were yet more little lights glowing softly, stretching out across the decking, and beyond that strings of fairy lights cast a warm glow over the lawn and the day that was beginning to dim. It looked like a little hideaway, a paradise almost; not overstated or showy, but truly magical.

Anna grew warmer the longer she looked and the more little touches and details that she noticed. She could feel the weight of his stare at her back, only adding to the contentment she was experiencing. When she turned to see him again, his gaze was endearingly shy.

"Oh, John, it's so pretty," she sighed, her hands rubbing over her arms as a breeze met her. He had walked down to her now, and she eased herself into his waiting arms, bringing a hand up to smooth the hair above his ear. "You didn't need to go to so much trouble."

"It's no trouble at all," he whispered in a honeyed voice, his hands splayed at her back. His head dipped to brush against her cheek, and for the sweetest of moments Anna expected there would be more to follow. "As long as you like it, it's worth it."

She remained smiling as he pulled away from her, standing amidst the little wonderland he had created. "I like it very much," she intoned sweetly, levering herself to place an appreciative kiss on his cheek. "I don't feel I've made much of a contribution. You've thought of everything."

His brow furrowed, his eyes drifting to the side as he held her.

"Maybe not everything," his voice trailed away a little guiltily. "I'm not that great at making desserts."

"Oh, I see," Anna uttered. "So you thought you would sweeten me up?"

John chortled, attempting to bring her closer, frowning when Anna unfurled herself from his grasp and bounced over the grass, apparently annoyed with him. By the time she had reached the door her pretence had fallen away completely and she was wearing a radiant smile instead.

"Well, I'll have to see what I can rustle up."

* * *

Anna sighed happily, curling herself on the comfortable sofa like a cat. They'd devoured their courses of dinner, including the trifle that she had cobbled together in record time, despite John being draped around her waist for the entirety of the preparation, trying his best to put her off with whispers and little kisses the whole while. They spent more time afterwards sitting underneath the canopy, talking and laughing and watching the lights twinkle before their eyes. It was such a wonderful evening. They didn't notice that the night had become chillier until Anna had shuddered violently with it n a split second. John had been up, offering to fetch some blankets for the both of them as the hours began to darken quickly but Anna stilled the waving of his arms, pulling herself lazily onto her feet. As beautiful as it was out there, she rather fancied a change of scenery. She felt that the stars could wait for some other nights, and it was nice enough where they were now. As it turned out, she considered with a smirk, it was even nicer.

Things were feeling relaxed and, she thought, really quite domestic between them already. It was though they had slipped into a routine they had known for years in the space of just hours. Anna had gone from sitting herself somewhat staidly and upright to sprawling her legs out the length of the sofa, her half-empty glass of wine resting against her thigh. John had joked that she didn't leave much room for him, but squeezed onto the other end before he could complain, delicately lifting her feet into his lap and making her laugh and squirm as the tips of his fingers lightly tickled her soles. She was also laughing at the idea of him pushed onto the floor, his long legs tucked beneath him, glancing up at her like a chided schoolboy. As it was, there was more than enough room for the both of them to sit together and Anna couldn't have been more content.

John's hands massaged her feet gently, but with a little firmness too. Anna began to sigh pronouncedly as his thumb ran over her toes, giving each one a little press. Lounging against the arm, she glanced at him with a soft smile, which he returned wordlessly.

"They don't put you off?" she asked with a little rise in her voice.

"Not at all," he replied, with a smile in his. "They're lovely, just like the rest of you."

"Charmer," she trilled, her breath catching when he glided a finger down one of her soles. She wrenched her foot away momentarily when the sensation got too much, adjusting herself on the cushions. John lifted his hands away and then laughed when Anna shoved her foot back in their direction, craving for more attention soon enough.

"You know, I don't think I'll have to eat for another week," Anna patted her tummy, still happily full. "You should go into cooking if you ever get bored, it seems a shame to deprive the world of your talents."

He smirked at the way she was arching her brows at him. "I think Rob has got that covered. I wouldn't want to step on his toes."

"Aww, you've got such a bromance going on," she giggled.

"Are you jealous?" he teased, depriving her of his touch for a moment.

"Not at all."

"Good," he replied, and his hands, when they landed back on her, began to wander, circling the bones of her ankles and then drifting up her bare calves. Anna whimpered, feeling chills run all over her, in places miles away from where he was currently paying attention.

Her body went a little limp against the sofa and she would have contently sunk into oblivion, if not for the niggling question chasing round in her mind. Looking up at John, he seemed completely blissful as he concentrated upon her.

"What do you think about Mary and Matthew getting engaged?" she asked him idly, not really sure why she should be bothered by anyone else when he was enough to ever keep her occupied.

"I can't say I've given it a lot of thought," he mused, taking one of her dainty feet into his palm again. "Good luck to them both. They seem happy about it all, and who could ask for more than that?"

"Hmm," Anna replied, curling her legs back closer to her, making him jump a little. "I don't know why, but I've got a funny feeling about it. I mean, it is awfully soon. She was going on about Sybil and Tom rushing into things, yet they've known each other far longer."

"Well, I suppose there's that," John conceded, studying Anna's pensive expression, trying to get behind it. "But then it's their call. If they're both sure about it."

Anna frowned deeper, threading a hand through her hair.

"I can't help thinking that Mary thinks she has a point to prove. Her younger sisters both engaged before her, it was bound not to sit well with her. You know as much as I do she doesn't like to be outdone. I really hope I'm wrong but I just don't know if it's right. Poor Matthew will be heartbroken if it all falls apart."

She was sitting up now, looking at John, who had a worldly-wise gaze in his eyes.

"If it goes right, then fantastic," he began, running his fingers over the fabric of the sofa. "And if it doesn't, then that's the way it is. It'll be tough, but I'm sure they'll both be able to deal with it. Life gives us enough of our own problems without worrying about anyone else's."

His words seemed a little harsh, but Anna knew they were true. His face softened as she reached for her glass, worry still evident in her expression.

"Besides," he laughed, relaxing back onto the sofa, "who's to say that there is any right way to go about it? I certainly don't think I can."

Anna's curiosity was piqued again, as was her underlying feeling of sadness. Of course, it wasn't that she wanted him to feel like his one past endeavour into that territory was suitable, but his rather flippant reply seemed to hide a multitude of doubts and insecurities when it came to the future. She wondered at how much damage had really been caused, not just to his heart but to his whole confidence.

Her eyes lifted to find him gazing down into his lap.

"I think there is," she announced confidently, making his eyes dart towards her. "A right way." She smiled as she watched the corners of his mouth slowly quirk up. "I don't know if it can be seen to be so, but I think you'll feel it. It'll be like everything fitting into place, but being tipped upside down at the same time."

He began to chuckle, and Anna felt that familiar warmth spread through her again. The feeling that was right, but also sent her spinning.

"You still believe that then? That things can go right?"

She averted his gaze for a moment, a little shamefaced. How could she preach about the feelings of others and whether they were going about things the right way when she certainly hadn't done so on her first attempt? The circumstances were entirely different, she told herself. But really, were they? She'd gone along with things though they'd never felt right, hoping it would all change. She had got it as wrong as it was possible to be. Her hand went up to her mouth to suffocate a laugh; they both seemed to be hopeless at it. As she looked back up at him, her eyes were shining.

"More than anything."

John's smile changed again, the pure joy shifting into some deeper acknowledgement. It sent shivers right up Anna's spine, in a good way. His eyes beckoned for her to shift over closer to him and she did so easily, stretching herself out languidly. John brought his knees apart to fit her snugly against him, her back pressing into his chest, his arms draping around her shoulders. She angled her head to rest perfectly in the crook of his neck, and he laughed as she wriggled to get completely comfortable, making happy little noises as she did so.

He pressed a series of butterfly kisses to her head, marvelling at how she felt like silk beneath his lips.

It didn't pass him by that all of this felt very right, indeed.

* * *

Her eyes opened slowly, and Anna made to stretch her limbs out, when she realised that she was lying on something much warmer than the sofa. A little smile crept up on to her lips when she felt John's solid and reliable weight beneath her, his arms still curled around her waist, holding her in place against him. She moved her head very carefully and the beat of his heart sounded strong against her ear, consuming all of her thoughts. His chest was the perfect pillow, his body so comfortable and wonderful laid out against hers that it was little wonder that she had dozed off.

A little regretfully, she lifted his strong hands from where they were upon her so she could sit up. Rubbing the side of her hand across her eyes, she brought her feet noiselessly down onto the floor. She still felt a little sleepy, held in a happy haze from the food and the wine as well as the sheer ecstasy that came from being with him.

She made a little whimper as she flexed herself, hands braced against the edge of the sofa. Her hair fell about her face as she craned around; it must have looked a mess. Any concerns she had about herself faded quickly when she caught sight of John's sleeping face, his chin propped against his chest which slowly rose and then fell, hair flopping over his forehead. Her heart fluttered as she thought how absolutely adorable he looked, completely unaware of anything. Towering over him for the only time, she held her hair to her so it wouldn't wake him up and left a kiss upon his forehead.

It was tempting to carry on, but instead she smiled lovingly at him and then walked away with soft steps, circling the sitting room floor. She studied the walls and the large window with keen eyes, just about tracing her own reflection in the pane. Then her attention was drawn to what nestled in the corner of the room, and she went over to take a closer look, trailing a fingertip down the collection of CDs in the rack.

"Checking out my tunes, are you?" A gruff voice sounded in the silence. "I believe that's what the kids say nowadays."

Anna bit her lip to stop her giggles from emerging. "I'm rather impressed. I expected that you might have vinyl and a gramophone," she answered cheekily.

"I'll have you know I have an iPod and everything," he intoned, stretching out the span of his arms as he got to his feet.

"How thoroughly modern."

She scanned the titles curiously, coming across many of the standards she'd expected from their previous conversations about the subject. Bruce Springsteen, Van Morrison, U2. A few compilations of Northern Soul and Ska. Nothing that correlated with her own collection, until her finger stopped on one CD. She pulled it out of the rack and turned around with sparkling eyes.

"Who doesn't love some Kate Bush? The woman's one of a kind," he smiled at her selection, arms folded against him.

"I had a bit of an obsession when I was in college." Anna flushed as she turned over the CD in her hands, hardly believing she was about to reveal what was in her head. "It's still one of my life's ambitions to go up onto the moors and dance to Wuthering Heights."

His eyes widened, seeming delighted by the thought and charmed by her blushes. "One day."

Anna tilted her head to the side, trying to imagine him dancing with her. She put the CD back, trailing through the rest. Soon, another surprising choice caught her eye as it rested near the bottom of the pile. Turning around again, she quirked up her eyebrows, waiting for a response from him.

"I bought that one for that song about The A Team," he offered, looking at the case in her hands. "Turns out it wasn't about Mr T and the gang, but I still liked it."

She let out a tuneful laugh.

"I've got to say I haven't really listened to it that much."

"Well, we can solve that."

She bent down to put the CD into the player, flicking through the songs until she found the one she wanted and turned up the volume a few notches. John began tapping his foot and nodding his head a little to the beat, and she laughed softly as she went over to him, her arms held against herself.

"That's quite decent, actually."

"You should trust me, I have good taste." A smile came onto her face as she reached out, her hands landing lightly, a little tentatively, upon his sides. She leaned in closer for a moment. "I'm with you, aren't I?"

The look he gave her almost broke her heart for a moment. He chose not to say anything, instead taking up one of her hands and kissing the back of it before holding it firm in his own. They both swayed naturally to the music, keeping their eyes on one another. Anna began to giggle again as she went from side to side, her hand entwined with his.

"Are we dancing?"

"You are, you know how bad I am at it," he laughed, his burr reverberating in her ears. "I can follow your lead."

Anna chortled, shaking her head and staring up into his gaze that made her feel incredible. Her movements stilled sharply when John took her face in his hands, deftly but so gently too. They both took in a breath at the same moment and Anna's heart started to thud rapidly against the walls of her chest as the light mood altered in a flash.

His thumb rubbed circles on her cheek and then he swept her slightly messy hair back.

"You'll never know how lucky I consider myself to be with you," he said, every word wrought from the depths. "That you're willing to stick all this out. And now you're stuck with me."

She touched her hand to one of his, her lips curved into a soft smile at his anxious eyes.

"For good and proper."

His face broke for a moment to match hers, unable to contain his joy at her words. His hands made their way down her sides slowly, fingertips drifting over the flare of her hips. Anna gulped, glancing up at him. His eyes seemed lighter and more shadowed at once, and she was sure she could see the traces of tears barely hidden there.

"Oh god, Anna. I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too."

Her voice shook with sheer emotion and her limbs trembled as he came closer, surrounding her, leaving her feeling overpowered. Sensing it before she was even aware, John soothed her with his touch, caressing her shoulders and whispering words she didn't even hear. His hands upon her were all she was aware of, the tips of his fingers pressing softly into her skin through the layers of her clothes. She fought to think of something else, but it was a battle that she didn't care about losing.

He inched nearer and nearer, until there wasn't even breath between them. She was stealing his own to keep her afloat on this sea they had sailed into. The powerful charge rose up within her; the heat in the room was enough to scald her, her pulse alive in her throat. Now his hands were barely grazing her arms. Hers were instead grasping onto him at his back.

He had led her to this, but she was more than happy to follow. She knew her eyes were pleading, begging with his, the words set to music making the tears sting at them both.

' _We'll play hide and seek to turn this around, all I want is the taste that your lips allow…'_

His fingers snaked into her hair again, and then she was finally able to taste him, properly, after what had seemed like several eternities. Their lips were set in a slow dance, a discovery, the pace set down to him. He kissed her with sweetness that made her feel she could disappear, and then with craving so intense that she couldn't possibly ignore. It was though he wanted to seek out every bit of her like he'd never encountered it before. He kissed her like it was the first and the last time he would ever do so.

She was holding onto every sensation, holding onto him. She was trying so hard not to cry.

Her hands ran the length of his chest as they broke apart softly, and she looked up to find that his eyes were saying everything that she felt and so much more. Even after so long, the connection between them had rekindled. It burned stronger than ever; right now, it was close to engulfing her. He smiled at her and she smiled back, with a little nod of her head. They never had to speak at moments like this. What they didn't need to say said so much more.

Their fingers mirrored positions on one another, and Anna pushed herself forward. While her body was gentle upon him, her lips were anything but. She was kissing him greedily, passion tumbling from every pore. She needed to leave him in no doubt whatsoever of all of her feelings for him, how at this very second they were deeper than they had ever been. John answered her kisses and all of her fevered appeals with equal ardency, and then slowed them down. Together they found the pace that would sustain them.

Sinking back onto the sofa, they continued to be lost in each other's embrace. Clothes were loosened, kisses were collected. Everything seemed to happen in a haze and yet Anna knew nothing else. They were stretched out against each other once again, both aware where they were headed, yearning to reach the destination. John lavished kisses upon her face and neck, his hands working wonders upon her body.

"I've missed you, Anna."

His lips were pressed beneath her earlobe, trailing further.

"I need you so…oh, christ."

His words were cut short when Anna lifted herself from where she lay beneath him, nipping at his collarbone and roaming over his chest. Her lips travelled up over his jaw and arrived at his lips to kiss him deeply once more, her light irises shining into his dark ones when she ceased.

"I need you too," she breathed, running her fingertips from his temple. He was searching her face breathlessly, and she teethed her lip, unable to stop her smile. "And I love you."

Anna felt his heart beating fast as her palm lay over it, and her expression crumpled at the emotion held in his.

"I love you," he repeated, so steadily. He kissed her, once for each word said, the next more sincere than the last. Anna held a breath as his hands caressed her, delving lower, making her feel so alive. "I love you above everything else, until there's nothing else. You're all I've ever wanted."

She smiled, holding in her tears as his promises lingered in her head, letting them transform and leave her in a far happier form as they made love there on the sofa.

* * *

Anna stared up at the ceiling, the bedsheets burrowed around her ankles leaving her bare skin exposed to the air. She felt perfectly alright, better than that. John's body against her side gave her all the warmth and comfort she would ever need. She snuggled in closer, the curve of her body moulding to his. Her fingers were dancing over the hair on his chest, while his were settled protectively upon her thigh. Both sighed a little at the persistence of the other's touch and the recent memories of their lovemaking, which had resumed when they took the trip upstairs. Anna laughed to herself thinking she felt far from tired now, yet at the same time she had no inclination to move for a very long time.

Too soon, she felt a draught move along her and frowned when she saw John sitting up.

"I don't want you to be cold," he answered her quizzical look, the sheets bunched in his hands as he made to bring them back over them both.

"I'm not," she replied, her hands pulling him back down to the mattress and to her insistently. She smiled as she rolled onto her side again. "I just need you close to me."

"That I am happy to oblige."

He dropped a kiss on her shoulder before lying back with her again. One hand trailed up and down her back and the other linked with hers in the little bit of space that was left between them. She had missed being with him like this so much and now she never wanted this moment to end, wished it could stretch on beyond her.

"I just want to stay here forever," she heard herself say in a funny, dreamy voice and John let out a hearty chuckle, his hand moving down to her waist.

"I certainly wouldn't complain about that."

He moved his head back a touch on the pillow, looking at her with a bit of concern.

"That was alright for you, wasn't it? I mean, it wasn't too much?"

She chuckled. "No. It could never be too much."

"You are a naughty girl," he rasped, and Anna giggled impishly, before he turned serious again. "I just didn't want to feel like I was coming on too strong, that you think I only missed you because of  _that_."

He said it with a certain shyness, and she was compelled to raise her head to kiss his lips swiftly.

"You're amazing, Anna. And you should know that, every second." He laid another soft kiss upon her neck, and she let out a groan. "I just don't want to put you off, in any way. You will tell me if this is going too fast, won't you? As soon as you say the word, I'll put the brakes on."

She could see he was still being serious so she shuffled forward, kissing him deeply before returning them to their previous comfortable position, laying against each other, her hand pressed firm upon the left side of his chest.

"What did I say?" she asked him, only partly lightly.

"For good and proper."

Her heart soared almost to the ceiling when he repeated her earlier words back to her, wrapping his arms around her.

In her mind, body and soul, there was no question that's what they were now.


	24. Chapter 24

John's footsteps could be heard plodding down the stairs, accompanied every few seconds by little grunts of exertion. There was an emphatic thud just before he reached the doorway to the kitchen and Anna glanced up to see him grimacing slightly, palm of his hand pressed to the small of his back.

"Do you really need all of this?" He cast a hand down to where three sizeable bags now lay, bulging at the seams. "It is just four days we're going for, not four years. I hardly think you'll have use for your entire wardrobe."

Anna didn't look in the least bit alarmed at all she had gathered. She gave a little shrug of her shoulders as she turned towards him.

"You don't know what could be in store. An impromptu day trip or evening out…I want to be ready for all possibilities."

John looked doubtful, shaking his head as he observed the sheer amount of stuff once more.

"Did I miss the memo about it being Yorkshire Fashion Week while we're there, then?"

She tutted, her eyes flashing as she rummaged around in the drawers, patting her pockets again for the keys. Returning her a cheeky smile, John moved into the kitchen, opening a packet of crisps and eating them as he gathered together the things they needed for the journey.

"You know, I really think you should bring more," Anna remarked, unfastening zips and sliding envelopes into the front compartment of one of her bags. She frowned as she looked over to the side to see John's solitary holdall. "That honestly can't be everything."

"Looks can be deceiving," he quipped, one hand resting on the sideboard, the other waving about in the air in her direction. His expressive flailing always made her smile; he did it even when he was talking about something as trivial as this, it was a habit she had grown very fond of. "I'm a very efficient packer."

"If you say so," she craned her head, trying to assess the contents as if she possessed the ability to see through the material. "But what if we do have to go somewhere…"

John's smile widened as he fixed the handle of the cool-bag over his shoulder.

"Anna, honestly, everything's there. I've got six shirts, including two smarter ones in case we dine at the finest restaurant in Yorkshire," he fixed her with a grin, his eyes illuminating as he came closer to her, hands already stretched out to meet her waist, "Three pairs of jeans, two pairs of dress trousers…some more socks, change of shoes."

He elongated the last syllable, and Anna got shivers at the sound practically travelling over her skin. She fitted her arms around his middle, smiling up at him, her fingers tempted to dip a little lower.

"I mean, I may have had to make some allowances," his eyebrows quirked up as his hands moved around her, and now she was intrigued too. The warmth of his touch pressed against her while his lips curled. "I've only got another pair of pants. But your mother's not going to notice that. At least, I hope she doesn't."

A high-pitched giggle escaped from Anna's throat, complimenting the low scratch of a faint growl that came from him. His hands were moulded to her now and she swayed slightly in his hold, bracing her palms against his shoulders.

Things had been going well. Very well, indeed. It was as if they had been together for years, never mind months. The cracks had been covered, the wounds healed and it was like the break had never happened, though both were still aware of the memory. John had stayed over two weekends now, and even a couple of weeknights after work. Anna liked having him here; sometimes the house was far too quiet with just her in it. She looked forward to when he could stay, doing little things to make the time special. It was all very comfortable, but not enough that things had got predictable. There was still a very keen spark that charged up within her whenever he so much as looked at her, never mind touched her, never mind pressed his skin to hers.

As her birthday approached nearer, she was aware of the promises she had made. She couldn't go back on them and she knew that she could have gone back home alone; it wouldn't have been that strange. Except she didn't want to go on her own. She hadn't said anything to her mum or her sister about what had happened between her and John. Really, she felt that it wasn't anybody's business but theirs. She saw no reason to hide it, or be ashamed, but there wasn't any need to mention it now, not to her mother especially.

When they had been in bed together, entwined and with their breathing aligning again, she had broached the subject. Even though she was the least fearful she could ever feel when she was lying with him, her apprehension had crept in. He accepted her words openly, conveying all he could with a run of kisses upon her. The questions came again, from the most meaningful source, the place she ventured to say that she now knew almost inside out.

" _Only if you're ready, Anna. Only if you're sure."_

She answered with a fervent kiss, without hesitation, stroking the side of his face tenderly.

" _I am."_

And here they were, near enough all ready to head off for a few days. Even though his embrace was as secure as ever, Anna could feel the tension bunched up in his shoulders, and smiled fondly.

"Besides, I wouldn't be able to take anything else, considering you're bringing everything but the kitchen sink," he joked, a hand shifting to run gingerly up her side. "We'll just about have enough room for ourselves to fit in the car as it is."

Her face shadowed for a moment, and she felt herself shudder involuntarily. John could spot her uncertainty in an instant. He smoothed the span of his hands down her arms gently and the tiniest hint of a smile started on her face again.

"We can take the train if you want," he assured her. "It'll take a bit longer to sort out, but if you call your mum now…"

Anna shook her head, her eyes fluttering shut for a moment. She gave herself a moment to flounder before gathering up all of the courage she possessed.

"No, no. You're right, it is easier to do it like this." She met his eyes when she opened hers, letting out a long breath and smiling that bit easier to know he was still there. Her palm lay flat against his chest, his solidity giving her more strength. "And I do need to grit my teeth and get on with it. Feel the fear, and do it anyway."

John smiled at her, and it was better to breathe. She knew she was being entirely irrational. Going on for eighteen years now, and she still had silly thoughts and superstitions. It was the reason she had never learned how to drive herself, and most likely would never learn. Her mum had told her enough times.  _Your dad wouldn't want this, Anna._ She could still picture him, lying there on the road, though she had been miles away at the moment it had happened. She took in another deep breath before the images overwhelmed her once more.

His hands upon her centred her, brought her back.

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to, you know that."

She nodded, swallowing her anxiety away. Looking up at him, settled by the warmth in his gaze, she smiled.

"I know. But I trust you to know what you're doing."

His expression was serious for a moment and then soon became lighter, the beautiful smile lighting it up once again. Anna craned up to give him a kiss on the cheek, smiling when he moved his head purposely and she caught his lips instead.

"And what about you?" she questioned, hoping she could allay his fears in the same way he had done to hers.

"I…I am raring and ready to go."

She chuckled, seeing the uneasiness upon his face that he couldn't hide. She cupped his cheek gently and for a minute he melted against her touch.

"I can call mum, say something has come up and it's unavoidable. I know it's soon. I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

Now he took her face in both of his hands, rubbing his thumbs lightly over her cheeks. She gave a light laugh as they fell, finding her hips once again.

"Anna, I want to meet your family. I know they're important to you and it's nearly your birthday. I wouldn't dream of letting you down like that." His hand smoothed over the seam of her dress while his voice soothed her. "And if your mother's anything like you, she won't be best pleased if I back out now."

She wrinkled her forehead and then laughed at his expression, wrapping her arms tighter around him.

"I do love you, John Bates."

"And I love you, Anna Smith."

She felt herself nearly being taken off the floor, his hands firm around her as he lifted her up to his mouth. Anna hummed happily into the kiss, feeling content and free of any trouble. All she could think about right now was how good his lips felt against hers, and she had an inkling he felt the same.

They gathered themselves and John wrenched himself away from her grasp, snatching up the car keys from the table top. Jingling them in his hand, he gave a nod and Anna answered in kind, picking up the bag he hadn't been able to take. She was following him out of the door when something caught her eye and she yelped.

John turned around swiftly, seeing her holding the curling iron in her hands.

"It won't take up much space," she smiled as sweetly as she could, and one swift look told her that he had relented.

Somehow, he felt like he might be doing a lot of that on this trip.

* * *

They had been on the road for a few hours, and having won the coin toss for control of the car radio, Anna was feeling happier and more at ease. John was a careful driver, though not overly cautious, and she was assured they were certainly in safe hands with him behind the wheel.

Still, she was beginning to get a little bit restless now. She shifted her legs in her seat, yawning as she wound down the window to let just a touch of air drift into the vehicle. A rather strong gust picked up seconds after she had done so, and she grinned to see John's hair being ruffled about as he kept his hands on the steering wheel. She would have reached to fix it, but the anxious part of her wasn't keen to take such a risk.

For a few moments, her eyes drifted closed, her head craning back on the passenger seat's headrest. When she opened them again, she noticed that they were surrounded by trees on either side, winding up a country lane. Though she wasn't too familiar with these roads, she was fairly certain this was not the route that they needed to be taking.

"John," she started, blinking the haziness from her eyes, a slight note of alarm raising in her voice.

"It's alright," he said calmly, the hand that was nearest to her briefly landing on her thigh. She smiled as he gave it a gentle squeeze. "I'm not getting us lost." He smiled, lifting his brow to her still slightly quizzical look. "When I told Rob we were heading to Yorkshire, he wrote out the directions. He actually phoned me several times to check that I hadn't forgotten them."

John laughed, his eyes fixed on the road ahead. Anna was none the wiser for a few minutes at least; the very short nap must have adversely affected her more than she had realised. Then all became clear as in the distance, a castle emerged into view from behind a swathe of trees.

The car rolled up the gravel path, coming to a stop a little way away from the vast estate that dominated the aspect. Both Anna and John were a bit astounded when they got out of the vehicle, the stones crunching quietly beneath their soles as they ambled up closer towards the great house that towered high above them.

"So," John began, glancing up to its peak brushing the wispy streak of cloud in the sky, "this is Downton Abbey."

"Wow. It's magnificent."

Anna was in awe as she spoke, trying to take in every bit of the sprawling residence that was before her. She reckoned anyone could spend ten years simply staring, and they still wouldn't see it all. Places like this filled her with such wonder, and a touch of envy, though she didn't know why. Not that she could ever live somewhere like that, but if she did she really wouldn't make the best use of it. It must have easily had two hundred rooms, maybe more. It was just breathtakingly grand and beautiful.

"If he ever gets bored with London, Rob could come and claim this back," John mused, his eyes travelling across the front of the house, the huge heavy door of the entrance.

"He'd have a fight on his hands with Mary. She's already spoken about it. I can imagine that she'd love to be Lady of the manor."

Anna laughed, thinking that Mary would fit in here perfectly.

"Imagine all of the things that must have gone on here, years ago. Centuries, even."

"We can only wonder. I bet there was never a dull moment, though."

John flashed her a grin and Anna giggled, leaning into him as his arm came around her. They both stood admiring and wondering, the space around them deceptively still.

"Where would you have been then?" His voice surrounded her, and she snuggled further against his side. "Upstairs or downstairs?"

"I'd like to think upstairs, but I'm sure I'd be downstairs, really."

"Oh, come on," his voice rose as he gave her waist a squeeze. "I couldn't imagine there would be any finer lady than you."

Anna tutted at the look he was giving her, full of flattery.

"Maybe in another life," she said modestly, and then sighed. "No, I'd be cleaning the floors, plumping the cushions…doing all sorts."

She heard him chuckle again.

"Well, I would definitely be downstairs. Probably in the worst job that there was. Only fit for a rapscallion like myself."

He laughed more heartily as she shook her head, hugging her arms about him.

"If we were both there, perhaps we could have associated together."

His grin reached up to his eyes, and Anna smiled almost as fervently.

"Then I'm sure we would have made the most of our lowly positions, Mr Bates."

They shared a look in silence, and Anna felt a strange sensation come across her, almost like déjà-vu but not quite. It was a funny way of thinking, but she couldn't help wondering that they would have become close even if they had lived years ago. She began to form a daydream in her head, but was distracted by a light tug upon her waist.

"We'd better get moving," John was eager to get back to the car. "I won't make a good first impression if we end up being hours late."

As she walked away, tracing his footsteps, she couldn't resist one last look over her shoulder at the wonderful house.

When she looked forward again, she was met with a sight that was just as enthralling.

* * *

The engine whirred to a stop, and now they were parked outside a house that was less grand, on a humble little street.

Anna smiled as she peered out of the window, catching sight of the red door, the neat hanging baskets that were either side. Though it wasn't the house she had grew up in and she hadn't been back in a little while, she recognised the happy feeling of coming home. It spread around her like a comfort blanket, as snug as an old pair of slippers. She figured that she really should come up more often. She was itching to get inside and see her family, spend a good few hours catching up with her sister, even looking forward to being fussed over by her mother. It was even more exciting knowing that she could walk in the door with John by her side. She had never been the type to make a big deal of things, but she was rather looking forward to showing him off to everyone. They might be a bit surprised at first, but Anna knew that as soon as they saw the look of love in her eyes they would be completely convinced and welcome John with open arms. It wouldn't take long at all, she was sure.

John was sat separating Anna from the view of the house and she didn't fail to notice that he wasn't looking towards it. Instead he stared straight ahead at the horizon, a haze of worry washed over his face, his hands drumming on the dashboard of the car.

Anna felt a surge of affection for him, nearly stronger than any of the ones she had encountered before. He had done his valiant best to put on a front of bravado all day but now they had no more miles to travel, his nerves could no longer be masked.

She touched a hand to one of his, bringing the frantic movements of his fingers to a cease. He turned his head towards her, letting out a long breath, trying his best to smile easily though his brow was still knitted tight.

"Although I wouldn't mind sitting out here with you all night, I don't think it will have made the most of our journey."

She smiled softly, her eyes clear and soothing as she rubbed her palm over his forearm. His gaze dropped for a moment, following the path of her fingertips, and he managed a weak smile towards her, which got gradually stronger the longer he looked into her eyes.

"It wouldn't be normal if I wasn't a bit nervous, and I have been for longer than I'd care to admit to you," his face softened as he caught the look on her face coupled with the delicate glide of her fingers. "This is your family, Anna. It's a big deal. I…well, I haven't really got much experience with these kind of meetings."

Her heart went out to him even more. Though he had seemed to have calmed while her hand had been upon him, she could feel a contraction, a slight tremble of his arm, which matched with the shadow storming in his eyes.

"I just don't want to make a fool of myself. I don't want to make a fool out of you." He gulped in a breath as he searched her gaze. "God knows what they'll already think…"

"Now stop it," Though her words were firmly meant, her voice remained gentle. "They won't think anything like that. And even if they do, then I don't care."

"Anna, you would…"

"I wouldn't." She was unshakeable. "I would march right out of the door and we would drive back to London then and there."

He began to smile bigger, more naturally now. Anna's heart lifted on the sight.

"The most important thing to me in anything is you," he said, reaching for her hand. "But the people close to you, well, they're a part of you too…and if I mess this up…"

"I'm telling you, you won't." She laced their fingers together, giving his hand a little shake. "They will love you. Because I love you."

She would never get tired of saying that, no matter how many times the words left her lips in however many number of ways. The light that shone in his look said that he wouldn't tire of hearing it.

John raised her hand to his mouth and kissed it, before leaning halfway to kiss her properly.

"Best strike while the iron's hot. And while I still have a bit of nerve left."

They walked up towards the house and down the path, hands clutched firmly together. Anna took a look at John, smiling encouragingly before she made to knock on the door. She didn't venture to do so until she got a smile back from him.

It didn't take long for her to receive her reward, and she was surprised to find that the door was very slightly open, not by much. She went in front of John just for a moment, pushing the door wider and revealing an empty hallway.

"Hello? Anybody home?"

She glanced back round at John with a half-smile and shrug of her shoulders. He gave her a nod of his head and then a squeal hit her ears before she turned again.

"Anna Banana! You're here!"

In the next second, Anna was covered by the excitable arms of someone a little taller than her, with blonde hair that was piled on top of her head in a bun, though a couple of wavy strands tumbled down. John could only imagine that it must have been her sister; she seemed to fit the description, both in appearance and personality, from all that Anna had told him.

"Beth," Anna confirmed it, pulling away from her just a little but laughing happily. "I was a bit worried, I thought maybe you'd all forgotten."

"Of course we haven't! You're the guest of honour," she beamed, her big blue eyes seeming to grow ever larger. "Look at you. Oh, I'm so happy to see you."

"And I'm happy to see you," Anna echoed, giving her sister another hug.

Beth's eyes were scrunched shut as she made the most of being reunited with her big sister, but before long they pinged open and John was met with a curious smile. He bobbed his head, shifting on his feet slightly.

"Beth, there's someone I want you to meet," Anna quickly came to her senses and to his rescue, releasing her grasp on her sister and shuffling back over to John's side. "This is John."

Beth's expression lit up in a mischievous smirk. "Ah, so you're the one she's been hiding away."

"Not hiding," Anna corrected quickly.

Beth shot her a sister a look and then returned her gaze to John.

"I'm pleased to meet you, Beth. You do like to be called Beth, don't you?"

"It is my name," she giggled as John extended his hand and she shook it, a little hesitantly, but at least she still had the same smile on her face. "And I am very pleased to meet you. I'm looking forward to getting to know the bloke who's made my sister so dippy."

Anna coloured a little as she gave her sister a warning stare. "Beth! Shhh."

John and Beth shared an amused look, and then she grabbed Anna's hand. "Come on, time to join the party."

"Oh, there's not…" Anna's voice trailed off as she was pulled along to the sitting room.

"Well, not yet," Beth chimed.

John stayed close behind them both, and they entered the room to find two men standing there, beer bottles in hands, making what seemed to be small talk. Beth prodded one of them in the arm and he made a yelp, screwing up his face.

"This is my fella, Stuart," she announced, giving him a light punch to his upper arm which he seemed not too confused by. "Stuart, say hello to John."

"Alright mate," he stepped forward, shaking John's hand. "Can I get you a beer? You might need it."

"No, you're alright. Good to meet you."

"Likewise."

"Ignore him, he's an arsehole," Beth stated matter-of-factly. Stuart promptly gave her a reply of 'charming', and Anna laughed, a bit nervously. She could only imagine what John was thinking.

The other man remained quiet in the background. He seemed to be younger, with hair a darker shade of blonde, and appeared content to watch things from afar. John empathised with him.

"And this little mouse over here is Sam," Beth said, making her brother squirm.

"Hi," he nodded at John and smiled politely, before looking towards Anna. "Alright, Anna."

"Hello, baby bro."

The poor guy looked mortified. John offered him a sympathetic look and smile. He didn't know what it was like to be bossed and mollycoddled by sisters, but he could tell that it was a trying experience for the lad.

Anna smiled around the room, slipping her arm back around John. Beth eyed the couple with a keen stare and John felt himself growing red with scrutiny.

"Well, it's so lovely to be back. And to have everyone here." When she said those words, she glanced up at John and smiled. "I just wonder what you've got up your sleeves."

"That would be telling," Beth cackled, grabbing a glass and sauntering past to walk out the door. "You'll just have to wait and see, Anna Banana…"

"Anna Banana," John whispered low enough for only Anna to hear as Beth marched out of the room. "That's very cute."

"Don't be getting any ideas," Anna whispered back, a smile barely hidden on her face.

A bit of commotion could be heard in the hallway, a woman's voice intoning sharply.

"Elizabeth Louise Smith, I thought I told you to get on the phone and check on that reservation."

"Mum, chill out, I'll do it now. I was just getting the drinks. They're here."

John tensed up, looking down at Anna who had increased her hold on him, an extra reassuring smile spread across her face. She let go in the next moment, regretfully for both of them, and he straightened himself like a board as Anna's mother walked into the room.

"Hello Mum," Anna said cheerily.

A large smile quickly spread across the older woman's face as she came teetering across the room, extending her arms to envelop Anna in an embrace.

"Oh, my darling!" She hugged enthusiastically, planting a kiss on Anna's cheek and then stretching to reach the other. "It's so wonderful to have you home. It's been years…"

"Not  _years_ , Mum."

"Well, it certainly feels like it."

As she stepped away, still clutching onto Anna's wrist, John was able to get a better look. There was absolutely no doubt of the family resemblance. Her mother had short dark hair instead of Anna's long golden locks, but otherwise she possessed all of Anna's features – or, he supposed, Anna possessed all of hers. She was just as petite as Anna, and a little smile came onto his face as he observed mother and daughter stood side by side, speaking in hushed tones. Before he was aware, their conversation had ceased and two pairs of blue, saucer eyes were upon him. Anna was still smiling, even wider now that she was looking at him, but her mother's grin had been replaced by a tight purse of her lips. He already felt under pressure.

On cue, Anna made the introductions, guiding him a bit nearer with her hand on his arm again.

"Mum, I'd like you to meet John," she said in a sweet, almost shy tone, yet her demeanour was exuding confidence.

He had to shake himself to stop staring at Anna and the way her eyes were positively sparkling up at him. Shuffling forward, he extended a hand towards Anna's mother, though seconds too late he decided that a handshake probably wasn't the way to go. She took it anyway.

"Mrs Smith. It's a pleasure to meet you, at last."

"Susan, please. Mrs Smith makes me sound like an old biddy."

"Er, certainly, Susan. It's an honour. I see now where Anna gets it from. I mean, her good looks." Oh god, he was starting to ramble now, and in dangerous territory too. "Not that's the only thing…"

"Oh, he can't stop giving me compliments, even though I tell him otherwise."

Anna was smiling, dropping her hand by his. Susan's lips had pursed even tighter and there was bewilderment, even a touch of horror he thought, in her eyes. John desperately wanted the ground to swallow him. Then to his relief, she cracked a smile.

"Well, I'm not going to complain about that. My daughter deserves to be treated like a princess. So long as you choose your moments, and don't go too far."

"Of course."

Susan nodded and smiled, and John was hoping that the heat in his cheeks was dying down now. Anna looked back and forth between the two of them, her vibrant smile setting her beauty alive. There were a few moments of silence as Susan raked her eyes over John, seeming to be assessing whether he was a suitable candidate for her daughter's affections in the space of minutes.

"I am glad you could make it along, John. I have to say, when Anna told me she had another boyfriend, it was a bit… _unexpected_."

She said that word in a very specific way, and John had little doubt at the intonation of her meaning as she continued to regard him closely. He felt it would have been rude to look away, but from the corner of his eye he noticed Anna's quietly disapproving expression at her mother's words, and it made him feel better. She always did.

"Well," he announced, aiming to sound half as confident as Anna seemed, "I hope I can live up to your expectations over the next few days."

Susan gave a flare of her eyes as if to say 'we'll see', and a polite smile, which John returned eagerly. Before Anna could move to speak, her mother clutched at her hand.

"Now, I've made the reservation for eight. Your favourite place."

John could hear Anna make the almost silent sigh, her features falling nearly inscrutably.

"Oh, Mum…"

He thought he would be valiant and intervene. "Really, there's no need. It's been a long journey, and…"

The shadow in Susan's eyes was like a storm cloud, and she pinned him with a steely stare.

"My daughter's home again after a very long time and her thirtieth birthday is in days. I think there is every need, John." He received another glare of warning, and Susan made to pull on Anna's hand. "Now, let's get you a drink."

"In a minute, Mum."

Anna seemed to know the trick of appeasing her, as Susan gave another smile and moved off into the kitchen again, followed by Sam and Stuart, in search of more refreshments. She moved round easily, opening his arms so she could fit there.

"Well, it's safe to say that was a disaster," John sighed, rolling his eyes heavily and looking completely reproachful.

"Don't worry. She's just on edge, she'll calm down." Anna was running her fingers up and down his arm, reaching up to tilt his chin to her. "It'll be fine."

He managed a reluctant half-smile as hers radiated upon him, the look in her eyes enough to make him suitably soothed. He caught her hand in his, delighting in the little gasp she made at the sudden contact.

"I still think it might be best if I go and hide upstairs for the rest of the night."

Anna beamed, a cheeky look washing over her beautiful features.

"Oh, I wish I could go with you."

* * *

"Oh Beth, that's enough now…"

Anna was protesting but to no avail as Beth sat back with a grin on her face, eyes dancing with mischief.

"No, fair's fair. There won't be anything too tricky, just tough enough to be a proper initiation."

John nearly choked on the remainder of his pint, and then forced a casual smile. " _Initiation?"_

"Well, you've got to prove that you're worthy of my sister." As she said it, Anna rolled her eyes and shook her head fiercely. Beth continued on with her plan, flicking a coaster about in her hand. "Think of it as being welcomed into the family. Stuart had to do it as well."

Stuart gave a sigh and nod from the corner where he was tucked away.

"Alright, never let it be said that I'm not game," John slapped a hand against his thigh. "What's the first task then?"

Beth chewed on her lip in contemplation, arms folded, before something appeared to occur to her. John wasn't sure that he liked the look in her eyes but he resolved to brave it.

"You'll order a drink from the bar."

His shoulders relaxed. That wasn't too bad.

"But," Beth grinned impishly, "it'll be of my choosing. And I used to work in a bar, so I know some weird concoctions."

"Well, I trust your judgement," he uttered as Beth bounced up, giggling as she went. His grimace faded as he turned his head to glance at Anna, her hand now resting on his thigh. He shuddered as her lips all but brushed his ear.

"How are you bearing up?"

He smiled a little at her whisper and warm breath on his neck.

"I'm a trooper," he returned in a low growl, angling his face so that his mouth was perilously close to grazing her cheek. "The things I go through for you, Anna Smith. I hope you're thankful."

She could barely contain her smile from bursting. He had to stop himself from groaning as her fingers curled further around his thigh.

"Oh, I am, indeed. Very thankful. Maybe I'll get to show you how much later…"

She was such a minx, it was a feat of endurance to restrain his grin and his hands from wandering all over her. The evening had been pleasant, but it certainly hadn't been without its trials. After getting past the rather rocky start he'd got off to with her mother, he was glad that things progressed to be far more amiable. He couldn't recall any other time in his life when he had tried so hard to impress. If he had been the one watching, he would have ripped himself to pieces. But it was all for the woman sitting at his side, and he would do anything for her. As charming as he was being, Susan Smith didn't let him off the hook that easily. She grilled him on near enough every little detail, leaving him just enough space to make his way through his meal, not entirely comfortably. As the questions sailed closer to the wind, Anna had reached for his hand underneath the table, lacing their fingers together. A little look unseen made all the difference, as did her guidance.

He was being fixed with another look now, as Susan watched from across the table, gripping her wine glass so hard it looked as though the stem would smash. John took a breath, decorum high in his mind. Shifting Anna's hand, giving it a little caress out of sight, he smiled, leaving the floor open to Susan.

"It's a shame you weren't here the other week, Anna. Mr Carson was up for a bit."

Anna gasped. "Oh, that is a shame. How is he?"

"Very well," Susan took a sip of her wine. "He was asking after you. You know he was always very fond of you."

John couldn't help that his curiosity was piqued. "Who's this?"

"Mr Carson was our next-door neighbour growing up," Anna clarified, turning in a bit too close to him again. "Well, his name is Charles, but we've always called him Mr Carson." She laughed a delightful giggle. "Truth be told, we were all terrified of him when we were little. He was so stern looking, and one day Ben broke one of his windows playing football, and we thought we were in for it. Mum made us go round to say sorry and we tried so hard to get out of it. Beth was nearly in tears. But he was ever so nice. He even gave Ben a new ball. Mum said we shouldn't judge a book by its cover and that we needed to get to know him, and she was right."

At that point, Susan gave a satisfied smile.

"Anyway, from then on we were always traipsing in and out. Beth and I used to help him out with his garden, though we probably did more harm than good." A wistful smile was on her face as Anna looked down at the table. "He was very good to us all. And Mum."

John noticed the same melancholy look now on Susan's features. "That must have been a great help. Especially when…"

"Yes," Susan said curtly. "It was."

John nodded, his eyes falling to his lap. Anna's fingers were between his again, and her thumb stroked a light sweep over his knuckles.

"He lives in Scotland now," Anna announced brightly. "Beth and Mum got him onto the internet, and he went on an dating site, of all things. A couple of years ago he met a lady from there and they run a hotel together now."

"Well, that's lovely," John replied, noticing Susan's face had softened a little. "It just goes to show, there's someone for everyone. No matter where or when you come across them."

She looked up at him, and gave the most sincere smile she had done all evening.

"Yes, I suppose it does."

Before he could take further advantage of the harmonious atmosphere, Beth bounded back over, slamming drinks down on the table. They all started a little bit, and she gave an amused look.

"I think I'm just going to nip to the boys' room," John said as he got to his feet, a bit awkwardly.

"Don't forget, when you get back – the bar," Beth winked at him, sidling back into her seat.

"I won't."

He patted his jacket pocket as he leant down, giving Anna a chaste kiss on the cheek.

"Don't worry, I've got peppermints," he whispered, being aware that she knew his true intentions.

Anna smiled against the crook of his neck, turning to look over her shoulder as he walked away towards the entrance of the pub. He didn't take his eyes off her either, and she was worried about him walking into something, but he navigated the unknown surroundings masterfully. Her shoulders sagged as she gave a happy sigh. Things were going well, she thought, even if it was only the first night and there was likely a lot more to come.

She was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she wasn't aware of anything else going on until she heard Beth's loud snigger from across the table.

"Don't look now, Anna Banana."

Anna's lips quirked; when her sister said that, and especially in the strange voice she was using, it was impossible to obey the command. Following the not very subtle nod of Beth's head, her eyes followed the movement across the room, taking in the bumbling figure making his way to the bar. Unconsciously she lifted a hand to her forehead, attempting to shield herself. Beth's cackles rose in volume even as she tried to stifle them with her hands.

"Beth," Anna reprimanded in a loud whisper, "Don't laugh. It's unkind."

"I can't help it," she quipped, a smirk dancing on her lips. "You do know that he still fancies you like mad?"

Anna gave a shake of her head, seeing Beth's eyes widen and her mouth hang open in the next second.

"Anna! Fancy seeing you here."

She cringed a little inwardly, shifting round slowly to find the man in question standing a little behind their table.

"Joe," she exclaimed, taking in the hopeful and enthusiastic look covering his face. Judging by the way it had burst to life, it seemed he was still carrying a misguided torch for her. For some reason, she felt incredibly guilty. "Yes, I know, it's been a while. I'm just back for my birthday."

"Oh, happy birthday! You should have said, I would have got you something."

She started to feel even more awkward now. "Um, it's not today. But that thought was lovely."

He was grinning wildly at her, his hands fumbling. From behind her, Anna could hear Beth desperately trying not to dissolve into hysterics.

"Err, well, I didn't think I'd…would you like a drink?"

"No thanks, I've got one." She lifted her glass.

"Oh well, never mind. Maybe we could, um, catch up in a bit? I'm sure you've got lots of exciting things to say about the Big Smoke…"

Anna smiled politely. "Yes, that'd be nice."

Joe waved, almost doing a little bow as he headed back towards the bar. Beth couldn't keep a snort in any longer once he was at a safe distance.

"Oh well, that's something to look forward to."

"Beth, shhhh."

"Am I missing all the fun?"

Anna looked up to see John with his hands in his pockets, giving her a soft glance before glancing towards Beth, who was still creased up.

"Oh, it was nothing."

"You might say that," Beth remarked, composing herself enough to scribble on a scrap of paper, which she shoved on the table-top towards John. "There you go," she said with a giggle. "You might want to order more than one, they don't go very far."

He let out a sigh as he read the note, stuffing it into his back pocket and pinning on a grin.

"It sounds delicious."

Anna wore a curious look while he strode towards the bar, placing his palms down onto the side and coughing to call attention to the barman.

"Err, I'll have one Appletini, please."

He was sure he was going to be laughed out of the place. There was no way in the world that could be an actual drink.

"What a coincidence," the man at his side piped up. "I was just going to get the same thing. You have fine taste, sir."

"Umm, thanks."

He nodded a small smile to his sudden companion, who returned him a cheery look in return. John drummed his fingers upon the bar, not sure whether to feel worse for himself or for the poor guy who was absolutely unaware.

After moments, he felt a pair of arms slip around him from behind, her slight frame hugging into him. A natural smile eased onto his face, yet he noticed the other man's features fall.

"What did I say, green's your colour," Anna purred, giving his sides a little squeeze and resting her head against his back. Seconds later, John felt her startle and she moved away, though remained by his side. "Oh, hello again, Joe."

"Anna," the man replied with a waver in his voice. John saw him gulping hard as Anna nestled nearer and his own arm brushed by her waist. The other man's eyes were confused and then slightly sorrowful as he took the sight in, and Anna held John's hand to her hipbone. "I thought…your mum said you were single now."

"Oh, well, it all happened a bit suddenly," she answered coyly, glancing up to John and smiling a smile that took his breath away. John smiled back at her, drowning in the depths of her eyes, marvelling at how gorgeous she looked with a natural flush of pink in her cheeks. "But yes, I'm taken again."

He snapped to his senses, becoming aware of the forlorn figure who was standing by them, inching a bit away now.

"John," he said, extending his hand towards the man he felt like he'd just punched to the ground.

"Oh…um…hello, John. It's nice to meet Anna's…um…" He was floundering so much John wished he hadn't said anything. The man took his hand limply. "I'm Joe. Joseph Molesley. Mr Molesley if you're being formal."

"No need for that."

An awkward silence reigned between the three, and Joe couldn't take his gaze away from where John's arm was circled around Anna's waist. The clink of his glass on the bar roused him, and he sent coins flying across the top as he placed them down.

"Well, I'd best be…I'll, um, see you soon, Anna," he nodded as he shuffled backwards. "And you, John."

"Take care," Anna called out after him, wearing an honest smile. A look of concern was sparking in her eyes, and John wanted to sweep her up. "Sorry about that," she said, turning into him, laughing nervously. "You don't need any more strange encounters."

He gave her a fond smile. She wrapped her arms a bit tighter round him, one hand inching up his back.

"He, umm, used to have a little bit of a crush on me."

"I suspect he still does."

She tried to hide her shy smile, and he chuckled, brushing the backs of his fingers against her waist, her hips swaying a little in response.

"For a sleepy town," he rasped into her ear, "there's certainly a lot going on."

* * *

It was pitch dark when they returned back, Anna laughing and clutching onto John's arm as she listened to Beth chatter away in front of them, Susan trailing behind and locking the doors. 1am had come around far too quickly, and that strange mixture of exhaustion and giddiness had kept her going.

"Anyone up for a nightcap?"

Beth made to charge into the kitchen, banging doors as she went and then shushing them with a finger to her mouth.

"I don't think so," Susan snatched the bottle of wine away from her younger daughter, who pouted in response. "We need to be fresh as daisies for the morning." She glanced at Anna hopefully. "I thought we might go shopping early on."

"Sounds good," Anna replied, stifling a yawn behind her hand.

"Wonderful," Susan smiled cheerfully. "Now, I think I'll be heading up. Beth, if you're staying here this week then I've put you with Anna in the front room." Her gaze travelled from her daughters to John, who was still standing next to Anna, though he had let his arm drop to his side. "John, you can have the other back room."

"Fine by me," he held his hands up as Anna frowned slightly. Before she dared to say otherwise, Susan caught her gaze, turning round before she made to head up the staircase.

"I respect that you're a grown woman, but you'll respect my wishes too. No daughter of mine will be… _cavorting_  under my roof."

Susan scrunched up her face at the thought while Anna blushed a shade of crimson, and Beth giggled raucously in the background.

"She doesn't know about the cavorting I've done here," Beth whispered with an exaggerated wink as she slinked away, following Susan up the stairs once the coast was clear.

John laughed, keeping an eye on Anna as she tottered across the floor, staying close behind her. She adjusted the cardigan on her shoulders while she walked out into the kitchen. When she didn't turn back after she'd drank a small glass of water and instead kept going forward, he frowned in confusion.

"You know better than I do, but I think upstairs is in the opposite direction."

She turned swiftly on her heels, giggling and beckoning him to come closer as she opened the door leading out into the garden. She offered a dainty hand and John couldn't resist taking it, following her on her merry path, shaking his head as he went.

"What are you up to?" he intoned into the quiet night air.

Anna brought their steps to a cease abruptly, pointing out a little cabin not too far away, hidden at the bottom of the garden. She barely had to speak to clarify matters, her eyes twinkling like the stars that dotted the sky.

"Technically, it's not under the roof…"

She broke into another giggle and John felt his body start to blaze with heat.

"You're not suggesting…we're both shattered."

"No, not tonight," she breathed, letting her fingers trail across his chest, arching up on her tiptoes. "But I thought it could be somewhere we could go…to escape. When the mood takes us."

The way she was nibbling on his earlobe, he felt like the mood could very well take him this second. Before he could brace his hands on her arms to beg her reluctantly to stop, she skipped away, heading back down the garden.

"That's very racy of you," he raised his voice just enough so she could hear loud and clear.

"I  _am_  racy," she smiled seductively, her hair bouncing around her shoulders.

Underneath his smile, a lot more roamed. She would never fail to surprise but he was glad, as he was sure he wouldn't be able to be the model of civility for the whole of the next four days.


	25. Chapter 25

On the morning of her birthday, Anna was roused by the padding of soft footsteps hovering outside and then the gentle click of the door. Her mother had barely peeked her head inside before she started her excited chorus, keeping her voice hushed in the as yet unbroken morning.

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you…"

Placing the mug and a box down on the bedside table, Susan bunched the duvet cover back, much to Anna's disgruntlement. Her mother's smile was far too wide for this time of the day, and Anna moved her head further into the pillow.

"Happy birthday, my Anna…"

"Mum," she whined. The ritual was rather embarrassing, but a reluctant smile eased onto her face. It had been a while since she'd been at home for the day after all, and she felt it wasn't too much of a stretch to indulge her mum. As she finished off the song, Anna pulled herself to sit, taking her pillow with her to rest against the headboard. "You could've let me have a sleep-in on my birthday, that would have been a nice present," she yawned, balling her fist over one eye, then the other.

"You know I always have to be the first to wish it to you," her mum beamed with softness upon her face. Folding her arms, Susan Smith fixed her daughter with a look that was suddenly stern. "Besides, I should like to remind you of all the pain you put me through getting you here. I can't let that opportunity pass me by."

Anna shook her head, feeling even more embarrassed as her mum put the warm mug into her hands. She took a sip of the tea, feeling instantly better and more awake.

"But you wouldn't have it any other way," she smiled sweetly, listening as her mother tutted and then chuckled tunefully.

"That I wouldn't."

Susan leaned down to give her daughter a kiss on the cheek, Anna accepting gratefully.

"I really am thrilled you're home," her mum's voice remained soft, laced with more than a little enthusiasm and hardly restrained sentimentality. Looking up, Anna could see the tears sparkling in the eyes that were almost mirrors of her own.

"Mum, don't cry. That's not a very good start to the day."

Susan sniffed, wiping underneath her eyes to catch the tears that hadn't fallen yet. Giving her daughter a reassuring smile, she clamped her hands together.

"Oh, silly me. It's just special, that's all, to have you here for your birthday." She paused for a moment, stretching her hand out to smooth the covers. "Well, it's special to have you here anytime, of course."

Anna smiled, laying her hand over her mother's.

"I promise it won't be so infrequent from now on. We could come up every couple of months or so, work permitting. It wouldn't be a problem."

It had come out so naturally, she hadn't noticed until she saw the smile on her mum's face change ever so slightly. Anna narrowed her eyes with a slight puzzlement, trying to read the expression until it was gone in a flash. Susan gave her daughter's hand another pat.

"That would be lovely," she grinned, and Anna was thankful for the little quiet moment between the two of them, letting the guilt she felt at not being back in so long fade against the future of promises. "Now, here you are," Susan proffered what had been lying on the bedside table, "your first present. At least, I hope it is."

"If you discount Beth's snoring," Anna remarked with a grimace, and then laughed as she prised the lid carefully from the box. Seeing the pale pink silk of the eyemask, she lifted it closer to examine the writing.

"Oh mother, how very funny," she noted with the appropriate amount of sarcasm.

"I thought it was you to a tee."

Imprinted across it was an elegant script, bearing the words  _Grumpy but Gorgeous_.

"Well, thank you," she said graciously. "It is very appropriate."

Anna noticed that her mother's eyes were still regarding her hopefully, and sensing that might not have been the end of it, lifted out the eyemask to uncover what was underneath. Susan's beam was bright as Anna delicately picked up the silver charm bracelet.

"Oh mum, it's lovely. This must have cost you…"

"Shh, it's nothing. If I can't treat my little girl on her day, then when can I?"

Now Anna's eyes began to fill and she tried to avoid her mum's gaze as she put the bracelet back safely into the box.

"Don't cry darling, it's not a very good way to start the day."

She stuck out the tip of her tongue at her mother echoing her words, receiving a light tap on the arm before Susan headed to the door.

"Well, I'll leave you in peace to wake up properly. Just don't take too long about it, we wouldn't want to waste the whole day. And there is this evening." She smiled triumphantly as Anna groaned.

"It's not going to be too much of a fuss is it? It just might be awkward…"

"Would you ever doubt your mum? It'll be such fun."

Anna rolled her eyes briefly, giving her mother something of a smile before she clicked the door closed behind her. She sunk back upon the pillow and gave a sigh while she cradled the still warm mug of tea in her hands, the light from behind the curtains comforting. Still, she couldn't shake the little pang of melancholy that occupied her.

Bringing the duvet up further to nestle around her, it wasn't enough to replace the sensation that she missed so much, as crazy as it was when he wasn't far, sleeping under the same roof. The last couple of days had been a whirlwind and they hadn't had the time to really be alone. Chaste kisses that on occasion turned a little more passionate before they had to stop themselves and subtle, soft touches had had to suffice. She wasn't sure how much longer she could go. It was just the feeling of being held in his arms, resting her head against his chest and hearing his heart beating that bit faster; she knew its rhythm so well now. It was almost beyond all reason how she could long for everything so desperately.

Then she smiled, getting brighter the more she considered; that whatever way, it wouldn't be long at all.

She had been sitting at the kitchen counter for ten minutes or so, chatting away to her mum as she pottered about, tucking into her birthday breakfast of pastries with a generous helping of Nutella, when John entered the doorway. His movements were hesitant at first, not wanting to intrude on the conversation between mother and daughter, but if Susan's gentle commands didn't beckon him in then Anna's beaming smile most certainly did.

Anna swung her legs in her pyjama bottoms, sitting up straighter on her stool as he came over towards her, everything around them seeming to disappear. She was rather disappointed that he had changed already, though she could see a hint of chest hair poking free from the top button of his shirt and the sight alone sent her heart racing. She was unable to take the grin from her face and as he began to laugh, the crinkles creasing at his eyes, she couldn't help but do so too. Raising her hand to her head, she made to take the cardboard tiara down from where it rested upon her crown.

"Leave it," he said in a low rasp that made her tummy flutter. "It looks cute."

She looked down for a moment, blushing at his words, feeling the heat creeping over her as he got nearer. She always had to wonder at people who said they were breathtaken simply looking at someone; it seemed like a nice idea but almost certainly an exaggeration. Yet now she had been proved otherwise, her breath catching in her throat as she gazed up into his eyes that seemed more green than hazel at this proximity. Regaining her composure, she smiled widely and more sincerely than she had so far that day.

The moment of bliss was broken by the sound of her mum humming a song as she scooted about in the background. Pursing her lips, Anna turned her head to the side and then thrilled in the next instant when his lips brushed warm against her cheek, lingering while they were out of sight. She leaned in closer, smiling happily, wanting to prolong the contact for as long as she could.

As he pulled away with some regret, he caught her hand beneath the counter, linking their fingers together.

"Happy birthday."

She smiled at the wish; it seemed far happier now.

"Why, thank you, sir."

She began to giggle, resting against him for a moment, tingles dancing across her as he stroked his thumb over her knuckles. Out of the corner of her eye she caught his smile, felt the warmth of it radiate around her. She was quite sure she'd never felt anything that compared to what she felt now.

"Good morning, John."

Anna's mother was at her side suddenly; they were both startled out of their reverie.

"Good morning, Susan," he gave a little cough, shifting on his soles but not letting go of Anna's hand that was resting in her lap. Anna was endeared to him; she knew he still felt uncomfortable calling her mum by her first name. He nodded his head, smiling politer than ever and her mother returned it with a smile which seemed much softer than it had been a couple of days ago. The three of them shared glances between each other, and Anna had to stifle her giggles and then her gasps as John's fingers traced over her palm.

Giving a final look, her mum returned to moving things around the kitchen.

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

John shifted his weight onto his other foot, making to move away from Anna and unfurling his hand finger by finger from her grasp, though he held onto her little finger with his own. She smiled, on the verge of laughter as she tugged upon him, almost pulling him back on his heels. The look he threw her over his shoulder was nearly enough to make her tumble from her seat.

Anna noticed that her mother looked rather taken aback as she turned around. "That's very kind of you, John." She sounded very sincere. "I've got everything under control though, as much as is here, anyway."

He smiled in acknowledgement, allowing himself to step backwards closer to Anna once more. She reached forward for his hand and without even having to think, he grasped onto hers, and she felt complete once more.

"Well, that's all of that," Susan placed her hands on her hips, casting a final glance around at all of her efforts. "Now I just need to pop out to get a few other things, and it'll all be sorted. I can trust you to cope without me?"

Anna rolled her eyes good-naturedly. "I am thirty, I think I can manage."

"I shall leave you to it then." Anna bit on her lip, her eyes flickering to John as her mum turned to leave. "I won't be long."

"See you in a bit."

"Take care of yourself, Susan."

Anna couldn't stop her giggles from emerging as John turned to face her once more.

"What?" he questioned, his eyebrows raised.

"Nothing," she replied, her other hand easing naturally onto his arm. "You're just being very dutiful."

He shook his head, laughing at her cheeky tone. "I prefer to think of it as being chivalrous." He circled her hand, the tips of his fingers travelling up to stroke at her wrist. "Of course, I can always change my ways, if you prefer it…"

She grinned, her hand moving round to rest on his back and pulling him closer to her. "There is not one thing that I would change about you," she said sweetly, with just a hint of seduction. It was hard to resist when he was this close, when she could register everything about him, underneath her own fingertips. "I like you exactly the way you are."

He frowned a little. "Just ' _like'_? Then I must try harder."

Usually she would be happy to tease him for a bit longer, but she found herself helpless when she saw the corners of his lips curving upwards.

"Very well," she all but whispered. "I love you exactly the way you are."

His eyes seemed to spark at her words and she felt a delightful shiver travel down her spine.  _And I want you, right now…_ she thought, feeling her insides tighten like a coiled spring. At times she still couldn't figure out all of the effects he had on her. His gaze was dark, then lighter and soft, and he smiled a smile that made her melt effortlessly.

He reached the hand that wasn't held with hers around his neck, rubbing lightly.

"Are you alright?" she enquired, concerned.

He shrugged his shoulders. "It's fine, I just think I slept a bit awkwardly."

Anna pouted in sympathy, letting her own hand trail up. He winced for the slightest second, then relaxed under her touch.

"I hope it's not too cramped for you in that little room."

John smiled wistfully as her fingers soothed back and forth.

"No, it's fine. Quite nice, really. Your mum's gone to a lot of trouble." Catching her hand as it moved upon him, he lifted his brow. "Obviously it's not as nice as it could be…without you."

Her eyelids fluttered at the way he looked at her and before she could even breathe, his lips were brushing against hers, soft and slow. Her hands slid down to cup his face, guiding him even closer. She was intoxicated by his kisses, she could never get enough. She hummed happily, even when he drew away.

"So," he sighed, evidently as happy as she was, "what's the plans, birthday girl? Do I get to spoil you for a little while, or are you otherwise occupied?"

She smiled lazily, still caught up in the haze of such perfection. "Well, there's Mum's party this evening…"

John chuckled. "You mean  _your_ party."

"It's all her doing," Anna groaned, shifting on her seat. "Honestly, if it was up to me…I really don't want the fuss."

"Oh, you'll love it really. You'll have fun."

_I'd have much more fun elsewhere,_  she considered, a mischievous smirk crossing her face which he didn't fail to notice. Taking it as a sign, he placed his hands lightly on her sides.

"So, until then, you're free as a bird…?"

She smiled, hating to let him down. "Well, Mum said the day was up to me to do what I wanted with," she rested a hand on top of one of his, "and I do have something in mind…out of the house."

He bobbed his head, no sadness in his eyes; instead just a gorgeous smile on his face. "It's your day, and you shall have your wish, m'lady." Raising her hand to his lips, he placed a feather-light kiss there. "As long as I figure in these plans somewhere along the way."

"Silly beggar," she laughed. "Of course you do."

"Good."

He graced her with another wonderful smile before he crushed his lips to hers again. As much as she focused on his mouth moving against hers, she couldn't be distracted from his hand rummaging slightly in the pocket of his trousers. She smiled against his lips, wondering what was happening.

"Am I not enough for you, Mr Bates?" she ventured, giggling at the sheepish blush in his cheeks.

"You are more than enough, Miss Smith," he answered, smiling with his eyes as he presented her with a purple box. "Before it all gets too hectic, I wanted to give you your present."

Anna was shocked; before they left she insisted that he needn't bother, that spending time with him away from London was present enough for her. Holding the silk edged box, she tried to close her mouth from where it hung open. There was an insignia of a jewellers' that she recognised from one of the finer shopping districts in the city; whatever it was, it must have cost him a bit.

"John…I didn't expect…you didn't need to."

"What did I tell you, I want to spoil you."

He smiled, watching intently as she at first fiddled with the lid of the box and then opened it successfully. Her face was a picture as she regarded the silver necklace, a heart charm with a small ruby stud fixed to it.

"I hope I made the right choice," he said, almost shyly.

Anna gasped in a breath, looking back up into his hopeful gaze. "John, it's beautiful." She lifted it up carefully, holding it against her neck. "I love it, so much." Her open smile was the accompaniment to her words. "I'll wear it tonight."

He smiled at her, pleased with himself but more than anything pleased at her reaction. The smile made the crinkles appear at his eyes again and Anna felt that he was more than deserving of a reward.

"Come here," she beckoned, and it didn't take much for him to do as she said, his hands slipping around her waist, fitting perfectly against her hipbones. She leaned up slightly, placing one of her hands on the kitchen counter and the other against his chest as he stooped slightly to meet her. As they kissed, deeper than before, she felt the thud of his heart become faster and smiled, splaying out her fingers to feel more of him.

The sudden escalating passion left them both a little breathless. Anna clung onto his shirt in her palm as they recovered, gasping and finding each other's eyes, both laughing a little.

She was the first one to find any words. "That was rather unexpected."

"Maybe for you," he chuckled, and she felt the movement against her hand. "I've been needing to do that for quite a while. You are irresistible."

"And you're not so bad yourself," she smiled, biting on her lip and letting her hand wander across his chest, loving how warm he felt.

"Are you sure we don't have a bit of time?" he ventured, whispering in her ear even though they were alone.

Anna smirked purposefully. "Now now, Mr Bates, it wouldn't do to rush these things." Even as she said the words playfully, she felt a pang of regret, wanting as much as he was. "Good things do come to those who wait."

With a wicked smile on his face, he leaned his body closer to hers and she was about to snatch back all that she'd said in a hurry, until she heard some not-so-quiet whispers coming from close by. John stepped back on his heels in time for Beth to bound through the kitchen door, carrying a laptop, Susan in tow with Sam trailing behind, looking as though he'd not long been dragged from bed.

"Mum, I thought you were out?" Anna questioned, looking rather confused but quite happily surprised, laughing as Beth gave her a hug on her stool from behind, having passed the laptop to Sam.

"A little white lie never hurt anyone," Susan responded, smiling much like her daughter did often. "Before we head off for the day, and before the time difference gets too much, we have another surprise for you…"

Her hand flew up to her face when the screen was placed in front of her, seeing her older brother on Skype from the other side of the world.

"Ben! Oh my god!" she shrieked, almost disbelieving, tears springing to her eyes.

"Hey, Anna. Happy birthday, little sis!"

Her mother, Beth and Sam huddled around her, wanting to get in the picture and say and wave their hello's too. After letting Anna exchange a few words, they all hurried to speak in their excitement, elated by the family reunion, Susan for once proclaiming about the good side of technology as she choked back the tears.

Laughing and smiling, Anna turned round to notice that John was standing back a little, feeling just a little lost amongst the gathering. She gave her head a shake, reaching out her arm from her chair, saving her brightest smile just for him.

"Ben, there's someone else you should say hello to."

She made the introductions fluidly, pulling John to her side and admiring his modesty. Though they were at quite a distance, the two men seemed to get on famously and Anna felt she couldn't possibly be happier, beaming her pride as well as her love for the man standing beside her, making his own jokes and talking so eloquently.

All the while and in full sight of everyone in the room and otherwise, she held her hand tight in his.

* * *

The day was fine and sunny and it was surprising that there weren't more people on the beach, though Anna had been spending her summers here since she was a little girl and so knew how to seek out all the hidden spots. As it was, they had been able to enjoy the picnic relatively quietly, save from Beth doing her utmost to distract Sam from reading a book in peace. She was still making something of a racket as what was left laid out on the blankets was being finished, Susan scurrying to unload more of the seemingly unending tons of food that she had prepared for the afternoon.

John laughed to himself as he regarded the scene, standing a little way away and feeling his feet sink against the sand. He wasn't quite sure that he felt like one of the family just yet, although it felt nicer than he had expected to be part of such a set-up again. He got a pang of sadness, thinking about his own family and how far he seemed to be removed from them now, which was all his own fault. What he would have given to take those days, those years, back. Not for the first time, although perhaps the first time he had thought about it in a little while, he wondered whether he had really done right by them. The image of his mother in her last days, laid out on her bed and looking deep into his face, staring into his very soul, came up strong in his mind. Her voice, wrought with the exhaustion of living a hard life, ringing out.  _Be happy, son. That's all I've ever wanted for you._

He was truly sorry that she had never got the chance to see him as happy as he could be, the way that he felt now.

The happiness showed itself clear on his face as he watched her, strolling across the sand, so carefree. Her laughter was floating on the air, making the birds sing a brighter tune. He simply couldn't get over how perfect she was. Without a scrap of make-up she looked gorgeous, radiant in her natural beauty. Her hair was glistening gold, waves falling around her face and over her shoulders and she had a glow about her that was more captivating than usual. In the last couple of days she had caught the sun, the light bronze of her skin noticeable against the simple white shirt she was wearing, tucked loosely into denim shorts. He had admired them during the picnic when she had been stretched out lazily on the blanket but now he couldn't take his eyes off her shapely legs. Even given her petite stature, they seemed to go on forever. The thought of them wrapped around his waist brought a cheeky smile to his face, which remained there as she appeared in front of him, so innocent but so utterly beguiling.

Her giggles filled his ears, her beaming smile caught his heart and he let go of any troubles that remained possessing him without a second thought.

"And what do you find so funny?" He chuckled himself, following the twinkle of her azure eyes upwards. "Don't tell me it's the hat." He gripped the brim of the panama hat perched on his head with purpose. "Pure class, this is. Vintage. You won't see anyone else wearing one of these."

"I think there's a reason for that," she smiled impishly, and the teasing tone of her voice made him pout half-impetuously until she placed her palms firmly on his chest. He held his breath as she reached one hand up, running a finger over the brim of the hat. "I'm just not that keen on it for two reasons. One, I don't get to look at your lovely hair. And two," she paused for a moment, fluttering her eyelashes upwards and moistening her lips, the actions combined driving him wild, "It makes it much harder for me to kiss you."

It took him less than seconds to throw the hat swiftly on to the sand below, a lock of hair flopping forward on the movement. "Well, we can't have that." In the next moment his hands were on her back, almost lifting her to him though he dipped down too, fulfilling her wish in a sweet, spontaneous moment. He heard a final flurry of giggles escape from her before his lips captured hers, and he felt rushes soar through him as her hands smoothed up and down his chest.

"Oi, lovebirds!"

John sighed heavily to hear Beth's screech from further down the beach, smiling again when Anna let out a resigned laugh, one hand continuing to trail his torso and the other caressing his cheek. He drank the sight of her in, living off the sweet smile that graced him before she turned around in slow motion to face her sister.

"We thought we might play a game, and we need to make up the numbers. If you're not too busy."

"That sea looks very inviting. It's just calling me…" he whispered into her ear, and chortled when she smacked him lightly on the chest.

"Alright, we'll be there now."

John made a whimpering sound as Anna marched him along the beach back to where the rest of the family were assembled, flicking her head around every few seconds to 'shh' him, with not a great deal of authority.

"Okay then, do we have any suggestions?" Anna asked.

Despite his protests to the idea, John ventured to speak, keeping an arm circled about Anna's waist. "As it's her birthday, I think we should let Anna choose…"

Judging by the expression on her face, Beth had already made plans that weren't to be messed with. As she brought a set of plastic bats out from behind her back, it was also obvious that she had come well prepared.

"Well, I don't see what's wrong with a spot of cricket."

"Errr, I think I'll sit this one out," John grimaced as he glanced to the side, trying not to catch Anna's eyes. "Cricket's never really been my game. I can keep score for you all."

Beth huffed in exasperation, wielding one of the bats in her grasp. John wasn't sure whether to duck or make a run for it; she looked as though she could be quite lethal, even with a fluorescent plastic weapon.

"Oh, come on, John. There are six of us, so it'll be uneven if you don't play." She eyed him with an unswerving stare, a smirk creeping onto her face. "And you've been doing so well up to now, you wouldn't want to lose Anna at the final hurdle…"

"Beth, don't be silly," Anna's voice was sure and confident. "I'm quite aware of his sporting capabilities."

"You would say that."

As Beth feigned gagging, John raised his eyebrows at Anna, near sending her dissolving into giggles. She managed to recover herself when Beth strode across the beach purposefully, setting out markers.

"I've never really understood it properly either," Anna piped up. "Can we do rounders instead?"

Beth shrugged her shoulders dramatically. "Alright then," she heaved with an impatient breath. "But it's still going to be girls versus boys."

"Watch out for her aim," Anna breathed against John's ear, making him shiver pleasantly. "I don't expect she's best pleased now."

Catching her wrist lightly before she passed him, he smiled at her. "I can take care of myself. And if I can handle you, then anything else should be fine."

Set out into the teams that had been automatically assigned, the game got underway, taking rather short turns to bat and field given the small numbers. There was no question that Beth was the most fiercely competitive, taking the game that she had planned with a seriousness that was almost scary. However, John noticed Anna's sporting side emerging too and found her enthusiasm incredibly cute, her cheers when she managed to catch someone out successfully as well as her little sulks when she just missed the chance.

After a long run of games back and forth, the girls were batting again for the decider, and Anna stepped up to take her swing. Stuart took his time bowling, likely on purpose, and John could see Anna beginning to get restless. The ball was hurled in her direction with an unexpected force and, startled, she whacked it at an upwards angle, holding herself for a few seconds before she flung the bat across the sand. Coming out of his daze, Sam scrabbled forward in an attempt to catch the ball but Anna was too fast, running past his base before he got to it.

It was up to John to do the job for his team. He trained his eye with great effort on the ball that was flying towards him rather than Anna's legs hammering across the sand, getting closer towards the final marker. Before she could cross the threshold, he had launched back, nearly falling onto the sand in his pursuits but catching the missile one-handed. Rather proud of his achievement, he slammed the ball down onto the ground with seconds to spare.

"I'm sorry, my darling, but that's how the game goes…"

Anna swivelled round to catch his pleased gaze with a look of disbelief and a hint of annoyance on her face.

"That was completely in!" she exclaimed, hands planted firmly on her hips. "I was way past the line before you caught it."

He watched as her cheeks flushed red with exertion, one of her heels stomping and making a ridge in the sand, and tried desperately not to burst into laughter.

"I know it's hard to take, but you've got to admit when you've been beaten." He kept his voice as nonchalant as was possible, gazing at her pointedly. "You can't help it that you were just too slow this time around." He ran a hand slowly through his hair, loosening it further. "Maybe even a little distracted."

Anna's eyes flashed in incredulity, her mouth hanging open before it started to curve into the remnants of a smile.

"Oh, I'll show you who's slow."

She set off down the beach, with John following in the first step she took. Her legs went at lightning speed, and he was surprised at how fast she was going, struggling to keep up, but then she let her guard down when she began to turn her head over her shoulder to glimpse where he was. Then it didn't take long at all to catch her, sweeping her into his arms and running with a renewed effort along the shore.

"No John, don't," she squealed and giggled with delight inbetween breaths, her legs kicking a little against him and her hair nearly covering his face. The edges of the gentle lapping waves were licking at his feet and he began to loosen his grasp a little, laughing himself. "Don't you dare!"

Anna tumbled onto the sand first, inches short of plunging into the water. John landed with his knees either side of her, hovering above, catching his breath that was proving elusive to hold onto with Anna beneath him, flushed with her own breath escaping her in gasps. For the briefest moment he was fearful he'd be on the receiving end of a slap but instead she smiled when she looked up at him, one of the most natural and beautiful ones he'd ever seen her wear. He returned it effortlessly, gliding his hands up and down her sides. Her soft sighs turned into shrieks when he started to tickle her, wriggling on the sand out of his grasp.

"Okay, okay," she uttered breathlessly, "I'll let you win. But only for now."

John couldn't stop the grin from taking over his face. "I just hope that's a promise."

* * *

Anna had lost track of time easily while she had been talking to Beth, and it was only after a little while that she noticed John hadn't been around for quite a bit. She checked that he wasn't with the boys or up at the little café at the top of the beach, and when there was no sight of him in either place she felt her heart pound against her ribcage a little faster. It was silly of her; he was a grown man after all, and she couldn't blame him from wanting some time away. He always needed the space to be amongst his own thoughts after too long spent in the company of others, even if he was fond of them; it was a fact she felt as though she'd known for years. Funnily enough, the only person he seemed to be happy to spend uninterrupted hours with was her. She had to smile when she thought of how special that made her feel.

She strolled along the length of the pier and her heart settled when she noticed the figure at the end. It was all she could do not to careen over the wooden slats at high speed.

Enjoying the view, both of the horizon overlooking the seaside and of John deep in thought, she relished the rare occasion where she towered over him before she crouched, taking her seat by his side.

"So this is where you've got to," she said, bumping her arm against his and smiling at him as he turned to face her. "This isn't about the hat, is it?"

He let out a short laugh, shaking his head. "No, it's not that." He ran the backs of his fingers over her forearm before threading them through hers. One more smile before he set his gaze firmly in front of them again, the waves dancing at a gentle crash. Anna heard the exhale come from deep within him. "I just needed a few moments by myself."

She nodded silently, squeezing his hand to ensure that he was aware that she understood. They sat in peaceful silence for some minutes, enjoying the scene ahead of them as well as each other. For the most part it was lovely; Anna knew they didn't need to speak to know one another. Still, the silence seemed to reign for a little too long, and even though she had no need to she found herself worrying over the distant look in his eyes.

"Are you sure there's nothing wrong? You look like you're cheesed off about something."

He laughed again, longer and louder this time.

"Nothing's wrong, I promise you." Noticing that she wasn't completely reassured, he lifted her hand, giving it a caress before he pressed his mouth to it. "I'm a brooder by nature, that's all. And brooders brood."

The way he said it made her smile.

"Then brood about me," she responded, swiping her thumb across his knuckles.

He shifted a little from where he was sitting, fixing his gaze upon her entirely. "I haven't had to do that much of it since I've been with you. In fact, I think I'm forgetting the art." Those words earned him a grin, as well as a swift kiss on the lips. He let go of her hand only to wrap his arm around her and she let herself sink against his side. "Are you having a good day?"

"I am," she intoned cheerfully, "It's the happiest birthday I can remember having in a while." She didn't realise how true the words were until she had spoken them, and the thought saddened her, but not as much as it perhaps should have done. She wasn't keen to dwell on the past, not when the present was everything that she wanted. "You do know that I wouldn't have been half as happy if you weren't here."

"Well, that's nice to hear," he said silkily, smoothing a hand over her hair as a breeze blew by them. "And I'm glad of it too."

"Even with my mother?" she questioned with a barely hidden laugh, and received her reply with a quiet chuckle.

"I feel closer to you here. Being with you in the place you grew up. Sharing in the things you love with you."

Anna smiled as they both watched the water washing by, birds dipping in and out of the skyline, the sounds and scents of the seaside reminding her of so much, inherently comforting to her. The feel of him pressed against her side made it all complete.

"I just feel like I know more of who you are now," he sighed, a sigh that told of how content he was. "Maybe that's what it was. That I was just getting lost in you."

Oh, this man was perfect.

"Come closer still," she whispered alluringly, her hand grazing his cheek as she brought him to her.

Their lips set themselves into a slow dance, and as his fingers curled delicately into her hair, Anna was certain that she knew all she ever needed to know; she knew him, completely, and knew how much she loved him.

They shared a few more kisses, each one longer than the one that preceded it, and serene moments where they were simply happy to stare at one another, marvelling at all that was ahead of them.

Anna was the one to stir at the seagull sounding way above their heads, casting a glance back to the beach that seemed worlds away.

"They'll think we've got lost," she said as she made to stand, a little surprised when John refused to let her hand go, pulling him gently back down to his level for a few moments.

"Let them think it. What they don't know won't hurt them," he said with a flash of a grin, and she didn't mind relenting.

* * *

The music hummed in the background, filling the sitting room along with chatter and laughter; there hadn't seemed to be a moment's silence all night. Standing by the doorway, talking to a friend from primary school whom she hadn't seen in some time, Anna hadn't expected to enjoy the party quite so much. Perhaps she underestimated her mum's abilities after all. It had been just the kind of thing she had wanted; relaxed, low-key, but still fun. It certainly made a change from the extravagant events she made her living organising, and it suited her down to the ground.

She had been holding the neat silver chain that was around her neck between her fingers most of the night; as they brushed the heart-shaped pendant she smiled to herself, still able to feel John's touch as he carefully draped the necklace against her, the tips of his fingers just barely landing upon her neck as he fastened the clasp in place. She had remarked that it was a touch of luck that his gift had matched her dress; he had told her how absolutely beautiful she looked. There had been enough time for a kiss or two upstairs before the guest of honour simply had to descend for the party, and she had been kept away from his side for most of the night.

Anna's smile widened as she found him at the other side of the room, kept occupied by a couple of members of her extended family. The poor man couldn't have known what he would be in for but he was taking it all in his stride, his unassuming yet witty manner winning people over as usual. The tiniest sigh escaped her as she leaned against the wall, held in wonder herself even at such a distance, and she strained impossibly to hear what he was saying at that precise second.

Just as his gaze finally found hers, there was a tap on her shoulder which startled her out of her daydream.

"Anna, will you come and give me a hand in the kitchen for a moment?"

She felt a little confused at her mother's request, but followed her into the room at the back of the house regardless, laughing to herself at the piles of food and drink that were still laid out on the table and stacked up on the counters.

"I apologise, I should have had more faith in you," she began as Susan poured more nibbles into bowls, not meeting her daughter's gaze. "It's been lovely."

"See, I told you it would be fun. Doesn't your mum always know best?"

She smiled as she walked towards the counter, holding out her hands to help. Susan shooed away the gesture with her own hands.

"Sit down for a moment."

"But, Mum…" Anna was even more perplexed now.

"I may have been telling another white lie," her mum smiled, taking the seat next to Anna. "I just wanted to get you to myself for five minutes. I'm glad you're having a good time, I think it's nice you got to see other people. It's like being in a bubble, just being with us in the house." She paused, her eyes falling to the tabletop before she fixed them back firmly on her daughter. "Though I don't expect you would have minded much."

Anna grew hot at her mother's intonation, knowing exactly what she was getting at. Fiddling with her necklace, she got past her shyness and found the courage to say what she had been meaning to.

"You know, it hasn't been easy for John coming here," her words came out quickly, lest her mother had the chance to interrupt. "He's had a lot to deal with lately, and he gets self-conscious about these things, and…," she looked up for a moment, making sure her gaze didn't falter, "I don't know that you've made it all that easy."

Susan sighed, her expression almost unreadable to her daughter. Anna shifted uncomfortably in her seat; as silence hung in the air, she wondered whether she had gone too far in being forthright, but it was important that her mother knew about this, and how unreasonable she had been.

"I…" Susan began, pausing to take another breath before she continued. "I just didn't know what to think at first. You say you're coming with a new man, and of course I'm pleased but I just…well, it took a bit of getting used to, I admit."

She might as well come out and say it if her mum wouldn't.

"Is this about his age? Because it's really nothing to me." The beginnings of a smile started to light her face as she considered. "If more thirty year old men had a quarter of what John has, the world would be a better place."

Anna started to flush for the redness that was spreading across her mother's cheeks.

"That doesn't bother me. You know your granddad was ten years older than your grandma. But the fact is, he is older than you…"

Anna shook her head, incensed at the blatant hypocrisy being displayed.

"…and that might cause problems in the long run, when it comes to what you both want from life."

"Well, we'll live in the here and now for the moment," she affirmed, knowing full well she was thinking much further than that. "You know how important it is to do that…" Her voice began to lower and trail off, and she couldn't look at her mum for the fear of what spectres she had raised.

There was a little silence, and she contemplated walking out of the room and running into John's arms, asking him to drop everything and take her away.

"He's not like the other boyfriends you've had."

"I'm glad he isn't."

Susan broke into a slow smile at how headstrong her daughter was.

"I had my reservations, yes. For longer than I should have done."

Anna took in a shuddering breath as her mother's eyes never left her, worried for some reason that her world would shatter, although nothing that could be said or even thought would make any difference.

"But I'm glad for these past few days, because otherwise I wouldn't have known for myself." Her smile became more sentimental, and Anna felt herself relax. "I've seen it, the way he looks at you. I couldn't exactly miss it." She began to laugh lightly, and Anna did too. "The way he is with you. He worships the ground you walk on." Susan's voice started to crack with emotion and Anna sniffed back a tear, reaching across the table for her mum's hand. "In all those years,  _he_  was never like that with you."

"I know," Anna whispered as her mum clutched onto her hand.

The soft smile stayed on Susan's face. "The only thing I want is for you to be happy, and I can see now that he makes you happy."

She couldn't help but burst into a smile through her now joyful tears. "More than anything or anyone else."

"Then how could I not love him?"

Anna let out a little laugh in reaction, her mum returning her grin towards her. "Thank you," she said softly, recovering herself. "Though you should be telling him this."

"And I will," Susan assured, making a little cross against her chest. "But who can blame me for wanting a little mother-daughter time?"

They both stood at the same time, Susan's arms opening immediately to give her daughter a hug. Clutching onto her mum, Anna felt too emotional but relieved most of all to gain her blessing and to know that all of the stress hadn't been for nothing.

After a few moments to themselves, they emerged back into the party, Susan's arms filled with snack bowls as she walked across the room. Anna was still dabbing at her face when she noticed John looking over towards her. She put on her best smile, which wasn't hard to do when he was in the same room, watching her mum lean over to him for a moment before she went back to dashing around.

Her smile became wider and more natural as he arrived in front of her again.

"Everything okay?" he asked, half smiling though she was sure he could detect the redness in her eyes.

"Great," she smiled in return, exhaling when he rubbed his fingers over hers. "I just heard something that was rather nice."

His eyes were shimmering with a quality that only he possessed, as well as a quiet joy. "So did I. Your mother just came up to me and thanked me. For today, for the past few days."

Anna was beaming before he leaned in to whisper the rest, holding her hand tighter in his.

"And she thanked me for making you smile." He gave her a look as he pulled back again, gazing deep into her eyes. "Even though I should be the one who's thankful."

* * *

He had no idea what he must have looked like, making his way blindly down the garden in the pitch black, with only the light of the stars above to guide him. He wasn't certain of the time but it must have been late; past one AM at least, with the party finished up and guests departed a little while ago. The pace of his strides slowed when he thought of her hand on his arm, bringing him outside; her soft giggles resonating as she whispered into his ear, the sweetness of her lips so close. Surely she'd be too tired to stay up for whatever it was she had planned, it had been a long and full day for her.

" _I promise you, I won't be,"_  she said with a smile that he could hear, her breath dancing upon his skin. " _Come to the cabin after."_

The memory of her voice uttering those words for only him to hear made him go on, and he smiled when he saw the soft glow shining out from inside. The door was open just a little; he reached out a hand slowly to push it the rest of the way, suddenly nervous.

He stopped short in the doorway when all was unveiled; indeed, everything seemed to come to a stop, except for his heart, which had never before beat so fast.

The smile she aimed towards him was radiant, warmer than the candlelight that she was bathed in. Her hair remained in soft waves, cascading over her shoulders. He was breathtaken by the beauty of her face alone, as he would be from now until the end of time, but he was left completely astounded when his eyes followed the curve of her body downwards. Her curves were accentuated perfectly by what she was wearing; a champagne coloured basque overlaid with black lace, complimenting the delicate french knickers that barely skimmed her bottom and the suspenders that held up her silky stockings.

Her smile turned into giggles at the time it took him to recover his senses and shut the door softly but securely behind him. He couldn't help but remain absolutely entranced, the look in her eyes a rope around his waist, pulling him closer to her.

"Better late than never," she said, her hands fiddling with the straps running over her thighs. "It was the first thing I packed."

It seemed like a while before he could make any coherent reply, eyes wandering and appreciating what his hands dare not brace for the moment, for the risk of spoiling utter perfection.

"Do you like it?"

She was turning a little at the waist, her voice sounding coy while her demeanour was anything but.

"That would be a vast understatement."

A smile crossed his lips as he stood in front of her, watching her gaze up at him eagerly. She had the amazing ability of retaining a beautiful innocence while she looked so sexy; it only added to her allure. She was completely and utterly gorgeous, and he had no idea what he had done to deserve her.

He raised his eyebrows at her, heat continuing to rush over him in waves. "You're the one whose birthday it is…I feel this is a bit unfair."

"Well, I'm generous like that," she purred, running her hands from the clasps on her thighs, slowly roaming up the lace covering her sides. John tried desperately to suppress the groan in his throat following the path of her attentive fingers. "Besides, this is a present for me too, watching you get so…excited."

She laughed a minx-like laugh as he glanced down, wondering if it was that obvious. It had only been a few days, but he had missed being with her like this so intensely. It would have surprised him if he hadn't been acutely aware of how much he loved her, these last few days more than ever. In this second, he realised it was as if he'd been waiting his whole life for this moment, even though he had had no idea it would happen.

"All day I've been waiting for this; since we got here, really," she said, echoing his thoughts. "I didn't think I'd be able to hold on." The longing in her voice was driving him wilder by the second. He saw that her shoulders were shivering a little, and she teethed her bottom lip before she spoke again. "But I hope it was worth the wait."

"Most certainly," he said, his sigh seeming to last longer. "Anna, I can't find the words…you are incredible."

Her smile said everything as she tossed her head gently, blonde hair flicking over her shoulder. "You don't have to just look, you can touch too." As if to encourage him she was arching her hips, almost walking into his waiting hands, her breathing getting a little unsteady. "I need your touch."

His hands had a delicate strength when he laid them upon her, cupping her sides. She inhaled sharply and then let go with a sigh, not melting but only feeling stronger as he began to glide his fingers up and down slowly. Her own hands had begun to wander over him, and she stopped long enough to unbutton his shirt fluidly. Before she could push it off his shoulders, he brought her closer, cradling her to his chest. He couldn't quite differentiate between the silk of the bodice and that of her hair; they seemed one and the same.

She had nestled her arms against him instinctively, not seeming to notice or care about the change in mood. He loved that their intimacy was like this, not driven by pure lust but by closeness. It felt just as passionate and loving, but incredibly special most of all. He let the fingers of one hand curl into the locks he found so irresistible and kept the other held to the small of her back, letting her warmth fade into him too.

He smiled as she stirred a little, moving against him.

"It feels amazing to hold you like this," he said against the top of her head, the sincerity he spoke making his chest ache a little. She clung on tighter and he knew he was smiling like a sentimental fool. "When you're in my arms, I feel like I can take on the whole world. You make me invincible."

It was as if she was still burrowed to him when she pulled back to look at him, the imprint of her body always fixed to him.

"John…" she breathed, her blue irises sparkling with unshed tears as she was overcome.

Even though he knew they were caused by joy, he felt a pang hit him square in the chest. He raised his hands to cup her cheeks tenderly, his thumbs rubbing gentle circles. He smiled at her delicate features, how his palms seemed to cover them almost completely. Every time he looked at her and the longer he did he found some new fragment of undiscovered beauty to wonder at. She was smiling again and he wished he could stay here forever, just the two of them, the only thing he would ever need.

He let out a long sigh, gazing at her and smoothing his hand over her soft skin. She was so precious; such a marvel. "I never knew it could be like this."

She placed a hand upon his arm, and he shuddered with the electricity of her touch. "Only with you," she whispered softly, with a smile upon her lips.

"And only with you," he echoed, watching her eyes flutter.  _Only ever with you_ , he thought.  _I was living my life lost without you…_

She moved his wrist away from her face just so she could lean up towards his lips, which were longing for her just as much. They met with perfect harmony, a loving kiss that sent him soaring. His fingers trailed down her neck, over her collarbone, willing himself to stay slow, to ensure she knew how much she was loved with everything he had.

As his hands strayed lower, meeting the frill of the basque and brushing the tops of her breasts, it was getting harder to resist, especially when she made a little breathy sound from between puckered lips. He kissed them once more, leading them into a longer, more passionate embrace with happy obliging from Anna. She was the one who was guiding his hands lower; he stroked his thumbs over the lines of lace, ran one fingertip down the row of clasps that were holding the garment in place, thinking all the while of what was underneath.

"It's all for you," she managed to whisper against his mouth, her hands against the bare skin of his sides now that she had shrugged his shirt free. The candles were flickering around them; some had been extinguished, barely able to stand the heat. Their flames had been transferred onto him, his gaze burning while he dipped to capture her lips and renew the kiss, his never leaving hers as she walked them backwards slowly.

She was the first one to meet the bed, her knees giving way as she fell with a soft bounce. Bringing her arms back, she lay there looking absolutely ravishing, golden curls draped over her shoulders, her legs crossed. He took a moment to simply stare, trying to believe that this was all real. With a little giggle, she took his hand and pulled him down towards her swiftly. He kissed her deeply again before collapsing to his knees, in absolute awe.

How he had never believed it before, he couldn't quite fathom but it seemed to make sense now, at least before her. As the tips of his fingers trailed over her reverently, he knew that he was made for her, and made to love her like this.

Her breathing was shallow in anticipation, and she started to gasp when he concentrated his attention on her thighs. Unclipping the suspenders slowly, one after the other, his fingers ran over and across, discovering how soft she was. He rested his hands at the tops, gazing up to be reassured that she wanted him to continue. Receiving the acknowledgement, the lace knickers landed upon the floor, followed by the sheer stockings. Ghosting one hand over her thighs, he linked the other with hers. He didn't let go throughout, as he pressed his mouth to her, kissing her tenderly, letting his tongue trail over, giving her all the pleasure that it was possible for him to give. When she couldn't find the breath to cry out his name any longer, she squeezed his hand tightly, before her whole body went limp.

"I…" she murmured, her voice quivering.

"Shh, it's okay."

John peppered tiny kisses on the inside of her thigh where she wasn't too sensitive to be unable to handle them, before bringing himself upwards. She had recovered by then enough to sit up a little and he stilled her hands from moving across the bodice, holding them with his.

"We've got all night for that," he smiled, eliciting a giggle from her, which was swallowed when he kissed her again.

It was only the beginning of the most wonderful night of his life.

* * *

"Are you sure you've got everything?"

Susan stood at the gate, hovering and fussing while John loaded the bags into the boot of the car. Anna watched carefully too, a smirk creeping onto her face each time he bent over. Thoughts of their night tucked away in the cabin flooded her head and she did all that was humanly possible not to give herself away – it had been bad enough at breakfast, sharing secret glances over the table and stifling their giggles when they both thought of how they had crept back into the house just early enough to go back to their rooms unnoticed.

"Yes, mum, positive."

She gave her mother a wide smile before she pulled her into a hug, while John, having finished the laborious task of packing up, stood behind.

"Thank you so much. For  _everything_ ," Anna whispered, knowing that her mum realised what she was implying. In reply, Susan stroked her hand down her daughter's back, embracing her tighter for a second.

"Just remember, not such an absence next time," Susan said, trying not to cry. Anna had already been on the verge when she had been saying goodbye to Beth, so she gave a final wave, bundling herself into the car.

She took a breath feeling John's hand covering hers.

"Well, that wasn't too painful after all," he uttered, and she let out a curious laugh.

"It wasn't," she agreed, shifting herself closer to him as she could in the space. "And it was a nice way to end. You know, it's always been a fantasy of mine, outdoors." She stifled a giggle as she watched him grow red. "It was close enough, for now."

"If you get me hot and bothered, I'm never going to get us back to London."

She laughed, her eyes locking with his for a long moment when she let his hand go. He gave her a smile that lingered, and then they were set off, Anna sinking back into the seat as the long journey began.

Above the rumble of the engine and the soft hum of the car radio, John's voice rose up, adding to the soothing atmosphere.

"Back to the real world," he sighed.

With a smile on her face, she turned her head to the side, happiness making her feel fuzzy as she saw that he was smiling too.

The break had been lovely, but she could never complain, not with things the way they were. Reality would always be better than any dream, anywhere she was with him.


	26. Chapter 26

Anna liked to think that she was becoming more of a morning person. She knew she never would be completely, but her perspective was certainly different now. It made those unearthly hours infinitely more bearable when John was tucked beside her, lying in their little cocoon, warmer and more content than anything. His bed, her bed; there didn't seem to be much separation now, they were becoming one and the same.

She didn't have to think about how right it was to have him there; it simply was, like the way it should have always been, like she had never known any different. The comfort of his body curved against hers, her shield in the darkness and gentle rouser in the early dawn. She only need reach out the slightest way and he would be there instinctively. More often now she found herself being best able to sleep when she turned into his chest, nestling her head into the crook of his neck and burrowing her arms around him. His arms would slip around her fluidly, making them both comfortable, one slowly sliding up and down her back as they drifted back to sleep. It wouldn't be all that long until they awoke again, gradually. Anna would smile, her eyes still closed to savour their sleepy spooning, pulling herself further into John's encompassing embrace and delighting when his lips brushed over the back of her neck. Other times they would find other ways to wake up together, all of them absolutely wonderful, and Anna found she could certainly appreciate those mornings very much.

Of course, pros were not without their cons, and sometimes she didn't wonder if it only made the predicament worse, especially when one of them would have to rise earlier than the other. She would hear herself whine desperately as her arms winched even tighter around him, trying her best not to let the first rays of the cold daylight tear between them. Even with the duvet almost swallowing her, it could not possibly compensate for the warmth of his arms, and she felt a cavern all around.

Her arms flailed against the sheets that were still warm with his body, and the groan that came from deep within her filled her head.

"Come back," she heard herself say from somewhere far off, "five more minutes yet."

His gentle chuckle resounded from the other side of the room, and through bleary eyes heavy with marvellous sleep she saw him standing at the foot of the bed, almost completely dressed aside from his suit jacket and tie.

"It's been a lot longer than that, my love," he laughed, his voice as soothing as if his arms were still wrapped around her. "You were dead to the world, and I had to leave you be, you looked so peaceful." She watched his fingers carefully fixing the green tie underneath his collar as she came around, her gaze easily transfixed by the smile that had begun to light his face. "I had an easy escape for once."

"Oh, so that's how you see it, is it? I'm sorry you should have such a hardship."

He threw the jacket he was about to put on onto the bed in favour of padding over to her, taking the duvet cover into both of his fists and wrapping it further around her body, making her laugh too.

"Of course not. You know I'd stay here with you all day if I could. I could think of nothing in this whole world that would be better. If only someone would pay me to do it."

"We could live on love alone."

Anna smiled hazily back at his grin, feeling a little revived when one of his hands cupped her hipbone through the covers and the other drifted onto her face. Sweeping her hair out of her eyes he left a long kiss pressed against her lips.

John's smile cracked slightly as he pulled back, noticing her temples that had become even more tightly furrowed.

"Is something the matter, aside from it being far too early for you?" he teased lightly, his tone overridden by the look of concern kindling in his eyes.

She held a hand to her forehead, cradling as if she couldn't dare prise it away. "My head just feels as if it's splitting." Noticing how his expression had immediately shadowed, she was quick to reassure. "It's probably just a tension headache, I think it was starting to come on last night."

"You should have said, I would have made sure we got to bed earlier."

"I wouldn't have complained," she said with as much of a smile as she could muster without feeling as if her skull would break in two. She didn't need to look down to know that he was holding her hand a bit tighter now, his other sweeping over her skin in slow strokes.

"I'll give Mary a call before I leave, tell her that you won't be coming in today."

Anna tutted under her breath. "I'll be fine, a couple of paracetemol will do the trick." She unfurled her hand from his to return the caresses he had been issuing to her. "I'm very thankful for it, but you worry too much."

"Never too much when it comes to you."

She was about to protest, but found she didn't even have half the heart, and especially not when he placed the lightest, most gentle kiss against her cheek. When he began to walk away into the room, she started to smile again, smoothing her hands that already craved him over the bulky covers.

"You know, I think I know what's causing it," she began, unable to resist even when her head was pounding. She let her smile drift when he turned at the waist to catch sight of her, the jacket flaring out a little with his motion. Her fingers crept in a line over the sheets towards him. "It's the effects of you having to go away again. My body just doesn't like it."

He smirked with a quiet satisfaction, then chortled at her words and the little mock pout on her face.

"Is that so? Then we'll definitely have to do something about that."

In a moment he was there again, almost overpowering her but in the best way possible, covering her mouth with his, his hands careful not to bury themselves in her scalp or even go anywhere near her head. She muffled little sighs, fingers slipping over the silk of his tie and the lapels of his jacket, almost ready to sink back against the pillows and bring him crashing with her.

"Tonight I'll pamper you," he kept his eyes on her as he adjusted his slightly ruffled attire. "Warm bath, wine, chocolates…anything you want or desire."

She smiled happily with the thought before bringing him back to his senses. "You're forgetting, it's the garden party."

John made a low, disgruntled groan. "Rob's way of dressing up a barbecue in the back," he said as Anna let out a tiny chuckle. "With a bit of luck, it'll rain."

"That's terrible," she reprimanded. "You know how much he's been looking forward to it." She folded her arms against the duvet, reclining her head. "Besides, you're his second-in-command. He wants to show off to you."

"I know how much he can show off, I've known more than twenty odd years of it," he lifted his eyes to the ceiling, dispelling his irritation before he looked back to her with a soft gaze. "There'll be so many people there, surely they're not even going to notice."

"Oh, I think they will, considering Cora asked me to bring about ten boxes of cupcakes around. It'll be a nice few hours."

John didn't seem entirely convinced, though Anna could tell what was on the forefront of his mind with one glance. She almost had to silently shoo him towards the door and on his way.

"We're not going if you're not feeling alright. They'll just have to starve for lack of cupcakes."

She laughed as he turned around sharply, pointing a finger at her.

"Take it easy and take care. That's an order."

"Okay, doctor."

He left her with a smile so gorgeous it was almost enough to ease the pain on its own.

* * *

The tube journey into the city hadn't been too eventful; by some stroke of luck, she'd managed to find a seat with another two empty at either side of her, and there were no major delays. The pain in her head had wore enough away for her to be able to pull out her book, which had gone neglected and unread for too long of late. As she flicked it open, thinking a little about the last time she had ventured to read on the train and been so happily interrupted, she caught sight of a scrap of paper fluttering from her hand. She snapped it up before it managed to escape completely, slightly puzzled at first but then breaking into a smile when she saw what was scrawled upon it. A little love note from John, and on the other side a very official-looking token that was good for one free neck massage with additional kisses. Anna tucked it safely into the pages of her book before she arrived at her stop.

As the almost autumnal breeze wafted upon her face, she was glad to be out in the air once again. It had been a strange morning that had only seemed to have gotten worse when she finally got up out of bed. The headache accelerated, and then merged into her feeling generally out of sorts as she got ready for work. She was more than a little concerned when she had to stop applying her make-up and rush to the bathroom to be sick, but it had passed fairly quickly, leaving her with an underlying sensation of nausea that she reckoned she could deal with. Whatever it was couldn't have been much, and she would probably find it easier to forget about if she was at work rather than staying at home, ruminating on it all, likely feeling much worse as a result. There was a lot on the schedule; a couple of wedding receptions, a few clients with important events coming up, even early Christmas bookings had started to trickle through. As the business had started to take off they had discussed hiring someone else to assist, but for now it was just the two of them and she couldn't leave Mary to go through it all on her own. The size of her to-do list occurred to her out of the blue, and she felt her head begin to spin again slightly.

She didn't consider herself to be a hypochondriac or particularly paranoid about the state of her health, but she couldn't help wondering what had brought this all on. Maybe it was just that she was overtired; even though she had been sleeping a lot better lately, she really had years of missed hours to catch up on. It could have been poisoning from something she had eaten while they had been out last night, but she didn't think it could come on quite so quickly.

The thought occurred; she wasn't sure why it hadn't before, it wasn't unreasonable after all. Far from it. But still, it seemed so unlikely. They'd been careful, she was still on the pill. It wouldn't have failed now, not after all these years. Her head was swirling, the world seemed to be jolting rapidly and turning on its side. She had taken it the last few weeks, she was certain about that. But had she missed one out? She wasn't sure if she remembered taking them to Yorkshire with her, but then she had packed so much, he hadn't stopped teasing her about it…

The ground moved beneath her faster than the pace at which she was walking rather unsteadily; there was a sudden crash and whirl in her head. Before she could tell herself not to or reach out for something, she was wobbling from her feet, not even prepared to brace herself. A pair of arms grabbed onto her waist from behind her, saving her from collapsing to the ground, and she gasped in a breath that made her dizzier as she leaned back, following where they were taking her.

"Woah there! Steady, you want to watch yourself."

She turned around to look over her shoulder, still feeling rather weak, and saw the friendly face of Tom Branson staring back at her. He seemed a little embarrassed when he realised how tightly his hands were still clasped around her middle and relaxed his grip, taking her hand instead to ensure that she was firmly back on her feet.

"You alright?" he asked in his jovial Irish tone.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," Anna answered, catching her breath. "I just had my head off in the clouds. Add it to the size of these heels and I'm asking for trouble, really. I should know better than to think I'm ever going to match up to Mary in that department."

"Ah, you're grand. The world wouldn't be much of a place if we were all the same."

Anna smiled graciously as Tom gave a little wink, and she felt secure enough to set off again, him walking alongside her. Unconsciously she held a palm over her stomach, cradling it there lightly as they went on towards the door.

"How rude of me, I should have said it straight away," she said, feeling a bit ashamed. "Thank you."

"It wasn't a problem," he replied with a smile. "My armour's more than a bit rusty, but I suppose I can come in handy when it counts."

He stepped back, holding the office door open for her to enter, and Anna nodded her acknowledgement before she went through.

"Besides, I was really just standing in. I don't know if John would be too happy if he knew I had my hands on you like that."

Anna gave a laugh, gripping onto the stairrail as she ascended, Tom a step or so behind.

"I'm sure he'd be alright with it, given the reason," she smirked, a hilarious and rather delicious thought occurring to her. "Maybe that's what it is," she began, almost not realising she was speaking aloud. "I know he only wears his glasses occasionally, but they could be hiding something…"

"Like he's Clark Kent," Tom carried the idea on as Anna giggled. "Yeah, I could see that. He could probably rock the lycra better than most of us. And I'm willing to bet he's had his pants on over his trousers on more than one occasion. What can I say, it's an Irish thing. After a few pints, admittedly."

She had burst into hysterics, having to hold her hand against the wall lest she tumble down the stairs, this time from her fit of laughter.

"Are you sure you're alright?"

"Honestly," Anna giggled as Tom caught up with her on the narrow staircase, recovering herself. "Are you coming along tonight then? I suspect you'll be the guest of honour."

"Hardly," Tom shook his head fiercely, and as his gaze fell to his feet Anna suspected it wasn't out of modesty. "He tolerates me, especially now that Sybil and I are engaged, but I don't think Mr Crawley is all that keen on me, still." He looked resigned, not at all like the tenacious character she had been so used to seeing. She couldn't help but feel relieved that it hadn't taken that long for her mother to warm to John. "I don't suppose you've got any tips I could make use of?"

"Well, you could organise an event at the restaurant for him? That might take some of the heat off me," she smiled as Tom looked rather perturbed by the idea, but also like he was willing to give anything a go. "You'll be fine, I think you should give him more credit. He likes you more than you're aware of. Just be yourself, and it'll all turn out okay."

He raised his eyebrows at that idea and Anna herself wondered whether it was the finest bit of advice she had ever given. But what else could he do? There was a heart of gold underneath that rough exterior, and she was sure Robert could see it shining out for himself.

"It can't be long now," she exclaimed, changing the subject onto the cheerier topic of his and Sybil's upcoming nuptials.

Tom's face lit up in response. "There weeks on Saturday."

Anna gasped; she couldn't believe time had gone that quickly, although it was something of a whirlwind wedding. "Wow. I'm so excited for you both. I'm sure it'll be amazing."

"Thanks," Tom smiled almost shyly. "I mean, it's not going to be anything big or fancy, even though her parents probably wanted that. Sybil didn't, and I didn't either. We just want it to be about us, you know?" Anna's heart melted a little at the look that flew up onto his face whenever he mentioned Sybil, a mixture of pride and a love that was overwhelming. "There weeks can't go by quickly enough."

She felt rather sentimental when she looked at him, nostalgic for the future and not the past. "Well, all the luck to both of you, though I know you won't need it. You'll have a wonderful day."

"Here's hoping," he grinned. "Got the stag to survive first. That's one thing Robert –  _Mr Crawley_  – should like me for." His expression changed in a split second. "Or on second thoughts, maybe not."

Anna laughed as they got to the top of the stairs, only imagining what could be in store.

"Actually, while I'm here, I might as well ask you," Tom went on, turning to Anna with a bit of trepidation. "Would you mind if I borrowed that fella of yours? We'll need someone sensible to keep things in order."

She smiled. "As long as you return him in one piece, of course."

"You have my word," he assured, and for all his fooling around Anna knew she could trust Tom. He looked serious and humble for a moment when he glanced up towards her again. "He's a really good bloke. I'm not just saying that as a fellow Irishman, honest to God. John is a class guy."

Anna felt her heart swell with pride; of course, she thought the world of him but to hear anybody else praise him seemed to make her love him all the more.

They entered the office to encounter a very stressed looking Mary, clutching her mobile in one hand and holding her other against her head.

"Where the hell have you been?" she aimed at Anna, her voice at an almost deafeningly high pitch. "I've had hell with the suppliers all morning, and then that insufferable Charles Blake rang up, insisting he know what was happening with his venue. Seriously, the sheer sound of his voice drives me up the wall…"

Tom shot Anna a look as if to ask whether Mary was like this all the time, and she returned with a silent but defiant answer.

"Give me a minute and I'll deal with it," Anna replied unflappably, putting her bag down before she reached to take the phone from Mary.

"Take it easy on her, she nearly ended up on the floor outside," Tom intervened, gesturing for Anna to sit down.

"It's nothing," she said as Mary fixed her eyes on her markedly. "I've been feeling a little bit iffy this morning, but I'll be fine." She clutched on to the desk as another sudden wave of nausea washed over her, taking a seat. "It's probably just a 24 hour bug or something, nothing to fret about."

"Well, I don't want to catch anything," Mary remarked, managing to keep her distance already. "Matthew is taking me away next weekend and I'm damned if I'm going to spend all the time laid up."

"You're all heart, Mary," Tom cut in sarcastically, making Anna smirk as Mary turned away from her.

"That's just her way of caring," Anna chuckled, catching his eye before Mary pulled him along.

"See, she knows me," Mary said sharply, near dragging Tom from his feet. "Now come on, let's get on with what you wanted to pick up. We haven't got all day," she remarked, even though it seemed to be clear that Anna was going to be doing most of the work.

Before he was marched out of the door by Mary on a mission, he gave Anna a last wave.

"No rest for the wicked, eh?"

"Well, I must have been awful in a past life."

* * *

When he called her mobile not that long after lunchtime, she was sprawled out on the sofa, a blanket gathered around her more for comfort than the temperature, which was still warm for the time of year. She had soldiered on through a few calls and some paperwork until she couldn't ignore the sickness any longer, and Mary had shown more empathy than she ever cared for people to know about, making sure Anna was alright and seeing her into a cab back home rather than taking the tube. She wasn't feeling too bad after a lie-down and a cup of mint tea; if anything she was more concerned about John and how he might react than herself.

Answering the phone, she decided to play it down the best she could.

"How are you feeling?" he said immediately, forgoing the normal greeting.

She had to smile against the phone, pressing it closer to her ear.

"I'm alright. Mary sent me home not that long ago, so I'm just being thoroughly lazy right now."

"That's because she has sense," he said seriously, almost telling her off, though she could hear the worry in his voice. "I'm going to ring Rob now, say we'll have to duck out…"

"There's no need for that," she said quickly. "I'm already better for having a rest, and there's hours to go yet. Why don't we just play it by ear?"

She heard him humming reluctant agreement on the other end and shook her head. She could only wonder what he'd be like if this possibility that was still sitting somewhere in the back of her mind turned out to be a reality.

"Anyway, you shouldn't be so much on Mary's side," she remarked with a laugh in her voice. "She doesn't want to get ill before her and Matthew go on a little rendezvous next week, and that's why she wanted rid of me."

John chuckled, and Anna was settled by the sound.

"Well, I'm sure that's what it was, then." He had perked up now, and in turn his tone made her feel livelier. "I was thinking, maybe we should follow their lead. As lovely as it was, I'd like to go somewhere with you where there isn't the risk of your mother watching us all the time."

Anna laughed, twirling a strand of hair around her finger.

"That would be good. Maybe in the New Year, after everything calms down at work."

"Sounds like a plan to me," his voice ran through to her soul. "I'll pick up some brochures before I call in on you."

She buried her hand into her scalp. "But you'll see me tonight."

"And that's too long," he replied without missing a beat. "I'll see you soon. I'll try and finish things up early here and bring my stuff around to yours."

"If you insist," she answered as nonchalantly as she could, but was unable to hide the happiness in her voice.

"Take care of yourself," he repeated his order from earlier. "You know I only worry so much because I love you?"

She would smile every single time she heard those three words.

"I know. And I love you too."

She felt a million times better when she put the phone down.

* * *

John found he wasn't interested in spending his evening making idle chatter or gazing appreciatively at how splendidly the garden had been decked out; somewhere in the distance, Cora could still be seen making orders for a final few garlands and paper lanterns to be hung up. The night had turned out to be warm and dry, and he cursed inwardly that his hopes for an impromptu downpour had come to nothing. Still, those thoughts were the least of his worries.

He turned to his side, his eyes keenly fixed on her once more. She looked as beautiful as ever; a little pale, but much brighter than she had been earlier in the day, her eyes containing more of their captivating sparkle. It was true that she had perked up since he'd got round to her place after work, chatting away about the day and getting excited already about their plans to have a break somewhere. Yet in the back of his mind he hadn't been able to stop fretting about her; he suspected he never would for the rest of his life.

Feeling his gaze upon her, she turned to him, wearing a smile that was designed specially to reassure him before he opened his mouth.

"Are you absolutely sure you're alright?" He sounded like a broken record by now, but he didn't care. "Any time you want to go, even if it's in five minutes…"

"John, don't be silly," she giggled lightly, her hair bouncing a little over her shoulder as she shook her head. "I feel a lot better now." She leaned in closer to him, making him feel a little light-headed. "Especially being with you."

He had to grin at that, taking her hand as she held it out towards him.

"I'm sure I can stick it out until the end," she smiled, turning for a moment to look out at the expanse of the garden.

"You're a trooper," he said in a husk of a whisper, catching the smile on her face with a sense of pride.

He gave her hand a few squeezes, each one a little tighter and containing more love and affection than the last. His eyes were smiling at hers and her gaze didn't leave his. John leaned himself delicately forward, still feeling that she was a doll made of china that could break with too forceful a press of his lips. He was able to brush them to hers for a sweet but all too brief moment, when Robert's voice came closer.

He greeted them both, kissing Anna on the cheek and then turning to John with a wide-eyed grin that was akin to a child waiting for its birthday and Christmas all at once.

"John, mate, you've got to see this new grill. It's an absolute beauty." Robert was almost shaking with excitement, raring to go and close to wrenching him away on the spot. "Honestly, you won't believe how many sausages fit on there."

"I think I can take a wild guess," John said, trying to rouse his interest best he could, but still thoroughly occupied with Anna. She stood with the glass of wine that Robert had brought over in her hands, smiling at his enthusiasm and holding a silent blessing within her smile.

"Well, you definitely need to see that," she uttered, brushing her hand against his arm unseen.

He questioned her with searching eyes, but found his answer in her unswerving, serene expression. Reluctantly he began to follow behind Robert as he impatiently set back down towards the barbecue.

"Actually, I'm not sure I've quite worked out the settings yet, so they might be rather burnt…"

John slowed down his pace as Robert raced ahead, looking over his shoulder to Anna as she was getting further away from him, now accompanied on either side by Sybil and Gwen who were saying things he couldn't hear, excited to see her. Though she was talking back to them, her eyes glimpsed ahead, finding his own and making his heart soar. He mouthed what was in his heart as he went, and even though she may have not been able to see them, he knew she would feel everything with her own, and felt a little more reassured with each step.

* * *

After taking some time to figure out the many dials on the mammoth grill, the food ended up being a little charred rather than burnt to a crisp. Robert had been wielding his power, possessive over the barbecue and wearing his comedy apron, and he was still doling out the burgers as the boys remained chatting and cracking open a few more bottles of beer. Having exhausted all topics of sport and the healthy banter that came from it, Tom was now filling everyone in on the itinerary for his stag weekend, and Matthew, Anthony and Evelyn were held riveted by the tales of his escapades visiting Prague previously in his gap year.

John stood a little way away resting against the decking, looking out to where the girls were sat, gathered around and talking just as absorbedly as the guys had been. He still felt a little uneasy that he wasn't by her side, keeping a close eye on her, but she seemed to be more than fine, smiling and talking, leaning against Mary as she looked towards Sybil, who had clearly said something greatly amusing. Though they made up quite a stunning group, Anna's beauty always shone out in a crowd. She was like a beacon, glowing with something even more special than usual, her laughter radiating across to him and the sweet sound filling his head with the most pleasant thoughts.

He was so caught up he almost missed Robert arrive at his side, paper plate in hand.

"Fancy another? Of each?"

John shook his head, setting his half-full and now warm bottle of beer aside. "You've done more than enough, mate."

"All the more for me, then." Robert took a bite of the burger, patting his stomach appreciatively as he did so. "Maybe I'll eat enough to happily pass out and get away from all of that."

John followed Robert's gaze as it went towards where Tom was standing, regaling the others with more of his stories, making exaggerated gestures to punctuate what he was saying, ever the showman. He shook his head and let out a deep sigh when he looked back, munching the remnants of his burger with more than a touch of resignation. John had to hide his smirk at his friend's tendency for dramatics, and took a final swig of drink.

"Ah, he's a good lad," he noted as Tom paused for a minimal breath, then went raring off again at full speed. "A little bit full of himself at times, but weren't we all like that at his age? Absolutely harmless. He does support Liverpool, but we've all got flaws in our armour." He stopped chuckling when he saw that Robert still wasn't convinced, his expression set almost as hard as stone. "And you know he would do absolutely anything for Sybil. He'd walk on water if he could."

"He probably believes he can, the way he's going on. I'd like to see him try," Robert smirked, eyeing Tom carefully before he opened another bottle. "You're probably right. I mean, he wouldn't be my first choice for my little girl. If I'm being honest, he wouldn't make the first page of the book." He stopped for a moment, looking out across the garden as John was at that moment, but taking his youngest daughter into his gaze. "But if she's happy, then what can I do?" Sybil certainly looked the picture of joy, and Robert felt sentimental tears spring at his eyes at the sight of her giggling happily amongst her sisters and friends. "I suppose I've done my job now. It's just going to be hard to let her go; she might be in her twenties, but she's still our baby."

"You won't be letting her go," John was quick to offer some comfort to his best mate. "You're always going to be the one that she loves the most, underneath it all. You've done the finest job of all. Three beautiful, accomplished daughters who all adore you. You're a lucky man, my friend."

Robert was misty-eyed as he smiled at John. Watching his daughters, his smile remained but he couldn't stop another sigh from escaping as he raised a hand to his head.

"Three daughters, and three weddings within months of each other. Talk about impeccable timing." He might have been complaining but John knew it was mainly for show; really he couldn't have been prouder. "Be glad you don't have kids. They'll drain you dry, and still be looking for more."

A smile eased onto John's face following the words. He took another longing look at Anna, and though he promised himself he wouldn't contemplate such things for the moment when everything still seemed to be so new between them, he couldn't stop the image from invading his mind. When he thought about it, he wasn't sure he could imagine anything that warmed his heart and made him feel so alive than thinking of Anna with a baby in her arms. He didn't doubt for one second that she would make the most perfect mother, whenever she wanted it to happen. He had known it from almost the minute he had met her; that he wanted to be the father to her children.

"I don't know," he heard himself sighing contentedly, his gaze having not moved from her for a second while he kept speaking to his friend, "you haven't got it so bad."

The grin on Robert's face was wide, knowing and a little surprised; he'd almost given up on hearing John ever speak like that, but he was certainly happy to hear it.

He gave his mate a gentle nudge on the arm, rousing him temporarily from his daydreams of the woman who was yards away. "Are you thinking about it then, settling down with Anna?"

Hearing the words made his thoughts more real, and he knew he was smiling like a fool. Truth be told, he had thought of little else for a while now, certainly ever since Yorkshire. As utterly joyful as it made him feel, a little shadow of trouble veiled his expression.

"It's still early days, there's so much we need to think about yet."

And there was. He hadn't really had much reason before to consider it too much but he supposed he was rather traditional at heart. Even though they were spending more and more time together, they were still living separately, and he wanted to make a nice family home for them before then, one that Anna could be proud of. It really wouldn't have mattered to him if it happened beforehand but he still relished the thought of her in a flowing white dress, a gold ring on the third finger of her left hand and the biggest smile he'd ever seen on her face. Maybe she would be hiding a little bump underneath it, and his heart ached with anticipation for all that was surely awaiting them.

He had to come out of his dream and back to reality. "The last thing I want to do is scare her, or make her feel like she should act out of obligation. With the difference between us…I don't want her to put everything she wants to do on hold just because I'm getting on."

Robert let out a laugh, shaking his head vigorously. "Come off it. I can see you still kicking a ball around the park when you've got your zimmer. And that'll be well after I get mine, at any rate."

He was pleased to see that John took his remark in good grace, laughing along too. Seeing that he was still entranced by Anna, keen to catch her eye at every moment, Robert wandered away from John, not before patting him on the back.

"I'm more than pleased for you, my fellow. If the time has come then don't be afraid of it. Embrace it with all you have, and save the worries for later."

John smiled, a little amused at Robert's sudden foray into being a wise sage, but his heart told him clearer than day what the real reason for it was.

Before he walked back to his precious barbecue, Robert could hear his friend's reply, and smiled himself.

"There's no 'if' about it."

* * *

Mary rolled her eyes heavily, putting her wine glass down indignantly while Sybil simply shrugged and smiled.

"I still can't believe you didn't take up the offer to have the wedding at Granny's estate. I can't think that you won't regret it in time."

"I told you, it doesn't matter to me and Tom. We wanted to keep things simple."

Edith reached over to top her glass up a little. "I don't think Anthony and I will want to be too extravagant, although we'll want to be at the chapel. And probably the hall where Mama and Papa had their renewal for afterwards…"

Mary cut in swiftly, not letting Edith finish her sentence. "Well, I know that when it's my day, I'll be taking everything on offer." She smiled triumphantly, as if she could imagine the whole of London coming to a standstill for her wedding. "I want every single person to know where they were when Mary Crawley got married. And preferably to be admiring me."

The girls laughed at Mary's ambition, half-admiring and half-fearing it.

"And what about Matthew? Doesn't he get a say in the matter?" Edith interjected drily, arching an eyebrow at the others. "It will be his day too."

Mary pursed her lips, straightening her posture. "Of course he will. He'll say whatever I tell him to, because he loves me, of course."

As Edith recoiled in horror, Sybil ignored her sisters' sniping, sitting back where she was between Anna and Gwen and smiling dreamily into the distance.

"And Tom loves me. That's why I had to tell him not to take up Granny's offer, because he thought it might make me happy. I said that it didn't matter where we were or how it happened. That we will be husband and wife is all that matters to me at the end of it all." She caught his eye from across the way, blushing slightly and beaming as he gave her a wink and a wave. "And that's what I think about it, no matter what anyone tells me otherwise."

Anna smiled, not being able to agree more with what Sybil said. Above Edith and Gwen's cooing, Mary's tuts of disappointment could still be heard.

"But Sybil, darling, don't you think you'll look back one day and wish you'd done it differently?" Mary looked genuinely concerned, offering a hand to her youngest sister. "You do only get one day, after all."

Holding her sister's hand, Sybil laughed. "Why, Mary, you  _are_ a romantic after all."

"Well, I wouldn't go quite that far," Mary replied, rolling her eyes once more and taking a swift gulp of wine.

"At least you've all got someone to be romantic with," Gwen sighed, nursing her glass. "It's been so long since my last snog with someone, it's actually incredibly depressing."

"Oh, don't worry, I'll find someone to set you up with," Sybil smiled enthusiastically, patting her hand against Gwen's knee. They had become quite good friends since being introduced at another of the Crawleys' little events, and Anna was happy that Gwen wasn't feeling left out as she spent more and more time in this circle. "Tom has loads of very nice, very good looking friends. Maybe I can get you a date before the wedding!" Her curly hair bounced about her shoulders as she almost jumped from her seat. "And who knows, you might even be the next."

Gwen was quick to pull a face. "Umm, how about no."

Anna had to laugh at her friend's reaction; as much as she wanted to see Gwen happy and settled in a relationship, she knew she wasn't quite one for weddings, at least not the traditional kind at any rate. As she took a slow sip from the glass she'd been draining for over an hour, she noticed Gwen's gaze move towards her pointedly.

"I think this one will be the next in line," Gwen said with a glint in her eye. "I'm betting there'll be a ring on her finger before the year is out."

The others' eyes followed Gwen's and landed upon Anna, and she could feel her cheeks heat. She moved her head a little to deflect attention, and inadvertently caught a glimpse of John talking with the other boys on the decking. Her stomach did a pronounced flip-flop and she felt herself feeling quite peculiar.

"I don't know about that," she said eventually, toying with her hair distractedly. "Maybe not  _that_ soon."

Gwen didn't have to offer anything in reply, and the two exchanged smiles.

She supposed that the whole conversation they'd been having most of the evening had got her thinking. Of course there wasn't any question in her mind that that was definitely what she wanted from life. The last few weeks and especially everything that had happened while they'd been in Yorkshire had confirmed it all; John was the one she wanted and intended to spend the rest of her life with. She replayed it in her mind over and over, more often of late. How John would propose to her, or how she would propose to him if it came down to it; she admitted to liking tradition, but she certainly wasn't past taking the initiative if she had to. What their wedding day would be like; all the little details, down to the flower in his buttonhole and how dashing he would look as he stood at the bottom of the aisle, waiting for her. She could hear herself repeating the vows and she smiled even thinking about it, how proud she would be to promise herself to him for eternity, how happy she would be to have his name until the day she died and long after. And everything that would follow; their home, their children…she felt as if she couldn't wait for it all, wished that she could wake up tomorrow and have it all there, as the luckiest woman in the world.

Yet she knew that while he wanted it all too – one simple glance at him at any time of day or night was enough to tell her that – it probably was too soon. Thoughts and hopes and dreams were one thing, and they would still be there tomorrow, and the next day, and for the rest of time until they finally came true. There were so many steps to take first – moving in together, even going away together properly – and she wanted to savour them all. She wanted him to enjoy them too; she knew this was the first time he'd ever been really serious about anyone to this extent, and he needed to have each special moment, without her rushing things and getting ahead of herself.

Another lurch was in her stomach, and she heard it utter a rather disgruntled growl suddenly. She looked up with slight embarrassment.

"Sorry. I clearly haven't had enough of the wonderful food."

"Our ears were burning. It definitely wasn't the burgers."

Tom and John were standing not too far from where the girls were sitting, hands laden with paper plates. Sybil jumped up immediately, running towards Tom and squealing as he nearly threw the food towards her and then looped his arms around her waist. John played it a little more coolly, instead ambling over to where Anna sat, her admiring the stride of his long legs in jeans. As he took his seat next to her, the other girls got up, dispersing themselves amongst the party and leaving them to have a little alone time.

"I hope the boys haven't been getting you too drunk," Anna looked up towards him, her hand planting itself upon his thigh as he sank down by her side.

"Would I ever let them?" he replied with a smile that made her tingle all over. After he placed the plate into her lap, he looped his arm around the back of the chair she was leaning against. "I don't need those kind of pleasures, not when I've got you."

She shook her head lightly, giving him a kiss that was long enough to keep them both satisfied before she tucked into the burger with relish. John couldn't help but chuckle as she devoured it happily, his thumb dabbing a drop of ketchup away from the corner of her mouth.

"You're enjoying that then?" he asked as she finished off the last bite.

"I'm making up for what I haven't had for most of the day."

He smiled, pulling her nearer to him, leaving a kiss on the top of her head as she wrapped her arms about him. After a strange start to the day, the evening had left her feeling peaceful and happy for the laughs she had shared in good company; happier still for the moment she was in right then. Summer was fading fast into autumn, arriving a little later than everyone had expected, and it was likely the last time they'd be enjoying this kind of get-together, at least for this year. She found herself wondering again, picturing herself in a garden where she was making the arrangements for everyone, John fiddling with the music when he wasn't working on the food and not too far from it all, their children were running around and playing games happily. Two boys and a girl, their daughter the apple of John's eye, him stopping what he was doing completely to scoop her up when she ran over to him, covering her in kisses as she giggled cheerfully.

She sighed against him and he shifted his arm slightly from where it was stroking against her.

"What's that for?"

"Nothing," she said, pulling herself up from where she had been slouching, smiling back at him as she sat on the edge of the seat. "I was just thinking. I am allowed to do that as well as you."

He smiled at her cheekiness, a sign that she was feeling back to her normal self. She returned the smile all the more as he laced her fingers with his, and she leaned back, meeting his lips in the kind of kiss that had become effortless to them now, but was just as thrilling for the both of them as ever, perhaps even more so. Anna smiled trying to imagine how many more kisses they would share, finding herself overwhelmed in no time at all.

When the need for air arose, they pulled away, her hands still placed firmly around his middle. He gazed down for a moment and laughed, seeing that she wasn't keen to let him go, and the same smile tugged at the corners of her lips.

"I suppose you'll want to stay here until the bitter end," he remarked, standing up as she followed him immediately. "Do you want me to get you anything else?"

Anna shook her head slowly, tracing her fingers over the buttons on his shirt.

"I'm afraid you've misread my intentions completely, Mr Bates," she smiled as her voice got lower. "I do believe you said you were going to pamper me tonight."

Taking her hips into his hands, the silk of her dress cool beneath his fingers, John had to grin unashamedly. "And I'm never one to go back on my word."


	27. Chapter 27

The airport was almost deserted at this time of day. There were no rushing businessmen or eager young students ready to set off on an adventure; no families with over-excited or otherwise bored children that had to be kept under control, and no lovers being reunited with never-ending embraces at the arrivals gate. The announcer's voice sounded ten times louder over the tannoy, echoing in a wonder at the strange silence that was received back.

They were standing in little clusters by the departures, the only ones who seemed to be going anywhere. At least that was true for half of the party, the other half doing the dutiful waving off and staying behind, for the most part. Anna could already feel her heart moving further away, leaving her body with almost no regard.

To one side, Tom and Sybil were side by side with their arms looped around one another, Tom laughing as he spoke to Matthew. The careful eye would notice one of Matthew's hands behind his back, held delicately with one of Mary's as they stood a little more reservedly. In another corner, Edith was holding onto Anthony as he rocked her very slightly, Robert and Cora watching and sharing smiles and the occasional kiss every few moments.

Away from the others, Anna took in a long breath, gazing back up at John in front of her as she released it. They had already said their farewells several times over, privately just for themselves and publicly, and now it seemed there were no words left, only touches that said so much more and tears that said most of all. She felt her lip begin to tremble and bit down on it before the action became uncontrollable. If she started here and now, she was quite certain she wouldn't be able to stop. Her eyes drifted away to the side for the briefest moment in an attempt to save herself, but as ever, he pulled her back in. His hand fell softly on her cheek seconds before she returned to look at him completely and there was no hope left for her as the tears started to flow.

He was smiling at her while the pad of his thumb stroked her cheek in little circles. Her breathing stuttered and she sniffed rather ungracefully. By all rights she should have been infuriated by the way he smiled unwaveringly, but it was the only thing that was sustaining her and keeping her from dissolving.

She fumbled against him and his hand slid down to her side, taking hers. Anna closed her eyes briefly on the contact, inhaling with a small smile settled on her lips.

"Why is this so hard?" she wondered aloud, her palms slipping beneath his jacket and bracing his torso. "You'll be back before I know, but still…," she looked up into his eyes again, their strength keeping her even and just about composed enough. "I don't want to let you go."

A tear rolled fast down her cheek, soon followed by more. John swept them all away, one after the other, bending his head to catch another with a brush of his lips.

"You're not making it easier," she sobbed, and he let out the smallest of laughs while his large palm cupped her face tenderly again.

"It's agony for me too," he confided, the tips of his fingers soothing against her skin. "Every time I leave your door, I'm counting the seconds until I can be with you again." His voice reduced to a hush against her ear. "I didn't think it was possible to miss someone so much, and I'm not even gone yet."

Anna cried openly and without abandon; as sweet and touching as his words were, they made her ache to her soul. It was going to be impossible to be without him; she might as well lay down right here and not leave until he returned, spending every hour pining hopelessly.

John's gaze softened. He saw that what he was doing wasn't enough, and so he pulled her into his arms, embracing her with everything he had and more if he possessed it.

"Shhh," he repeated, stroking a hand down her back and swaying her a little. "Let's not be like this. You make me not want to leave you."

"Then I won't stop, and you'll have no choice but to stay," she said into his chest, her voice muffled. Realising she was being unreasonable and yet not being able to stop herself, she wrenched herself away, her eyes still on him as his hands remained lightly on her back.

The final call sounded out again, yet time stood still for a moment. John stooped a little, his arms circled round her, his forehead pressed to hers. Anna managed a smile with him held so close to her and she raised herself, finding her way home to his lips. Her hands pressed themselves to his face as the kiss prolonged, knowing this would be the last one for a few days, a time that seemed like an eternity for her to go without. In that moment she wanted to keep him to herself, take as much of him as she was able to carry back.

"It won't be long," he whispered in the last second. "And I'll be thinking of you every moment, I promise."

Anna smiled through the tears that were welling up again, nodding as he moved further away, her hand held with his until she had no choice but to relinquish.

As the boys filed through the gate one by one, looking back for a moment before they went to their loved ones, the girls gathered in a huddle, sending waves and kisses back. Edith choked back a loud sob as Anthony was the last one to go, and Anna put a sympathetic arm around her, stifling her own sadness in company.

"Well, now it's just us," Mary broke the silence that had descended, a note of playfulness in her voice. "And while the cats are away…"

She didn't say anything but somehow Anna believed she wouldn't have the heart to do any playing, not now that it had taken off and left her behind.

* * *

After she cried herself free of tears, Anna was susceptible enough to Mary's pleading throughout that day at the office and once nearly everything that needed to be done was taken care of, she had been persuaded to go into town for the evening. There was still a little bit of her that wanted nothing more than to sit and wallow, but after a little while out she found that it quietened against the chatter and hum of noise. It was nice to see Mary away from the obligations of work, and let herself go, having a giggle about many different things. The next night she caught up with Gwen, properly for the first time in a while, and she revelled in the time spent with her friends, the hours that were passed talking and laughing and putting the world to rights. On top of everything else, she was having fun, there was a natural smile on her face and the sorrow faded from her.

She sighed when she arrived back home, kicking off her heels and sinking onto the sofa in the darkness. With the TV as a bit of company in the background, she brought one of her feet into her palms; they seemed to be hurting her tonight. The pain gradually faded and she shrugged, reclining further back as the light from the screen illuminated the room. It wasn't too long past midnight and she found herself wondering what the boys were up to at that moment; surely they were still out on the town, the night still being young. She smiled thinking of John, being the one to keep an eye out and keep them all in line – or perhaps he had got too much into it, and was the ringleader of the fun instead.

She laughed to herself in the shadows considering it, and then was struck with a blow of sadness and longing that affected her all the more for how it appeared out of nowhere. Her eye noticed from its corner the sleeve of the purple jumper poking out from beneath one of the cushions of the sofa. Scrambling forward, she pulled it swiftly out and into her grasp, her fingertips stroking over the soft fabric. It still smelt of his aftershave, and simply of his scent, and she buried her nose against it, clasping it tight against her face, imagining that he was right there with his arms wrapped around her.

That night she didn't make it to bed, but instead slept curled on the sofa, dressed in that purple jumper.

* * *

For over half an hour she had been sitting there, promising herself that she would move in the next minute but never quite managing to do anything about it. From beneath the floorboards she could hear muffled music and Gwen shuffling about, and no doubt she had long since been ready.

She knew that she would have to be there, at least for a couple of hours or so to show her face, but Anna had little inclination to go out for Sybil's hen night. It was a shame as she had been looking forward to it, and Sybil had been so excited that she didn't want to be the one to have to spoil the party. Rubbing her temples, she let out a yawn. She had been feeling lethargic all day and queasy again; the thought of heading to the Thai restaurant first turned her stomach. The mattress beneath her moulded to her and her bed had never been so inviting. She wondered if she would be able to crawl underneath the covers and go unnoticed by the others without offering any excuses that she hated having to make.

The black dress hanging at the front of the wardrobe stared her out, and instead of flopping down onto the bed she found herself being called to her feet despite her own will. Anna let out a whine as she slid it off the hanger and started to disrobe herself, shivering a little as the cool air hitting her skin brought her out in goosebumps. Feeling more than a little self-conscious tonight, she decided to put on a pair of tights before stepping into the dress. She groaned again as she struggled to fasten the zip at the side completely closed.

Finally wrenching it up, she stood composed for all of a few seconds before sighing at the sight of herself in the mirror. Today was one of those days that she questioned the decision of ever having bought a wardrobe that featured a full-length mirror. She frowned seeing how pasty she looked, despite having already put on make-up. The dress, although it was black and was supposed to hide a multitude of sins, only served to enhance them to her eyes. Examining herself closely, she smoothed a hand over it, pretending to rid it of creases but instead pondering something else entirely. It hovered for longer than she had intended over her stomach, and more than ever, it seemed impossible to ignore. Anna turned to the side slightly, regarding herself from another angle, her palm held in place. A million emotions rushed through her within the space of a few seconds; she was overwhelmed with ideas and thoughts crowding her mind. Taking her eyes away from where her hand stayed resting, she brought them up to face herself in the mirror.

Instinctively, she  _knew_ , and she thought of him immediately, wondering whatever he would make of it. Surely he would be happy, but there had to be no doubt that it would change things. She hoped for the better.

As if hearing her thoughts from miles away – or perhaps not her exact thoughts – her phone sounded on the dressing table. She opened the picture message, biting a finger between her teeth as she read.

 _\- The view_   _from our hotel. Have fun tonight, my darling, because you deserve it. J x_

Without hesitation, she dialled his number, pacing back over to the mirror while she waited for him to pick up.

"This is a nice surprise," he answered, obviously having seen her name appear on the screen. "I thought you'd all be out by now. Or at least still getting dolled up. That can take a while, I know."

"I don't look  _that_  bad," Anna joked, albeit a bit half-heartedly given the way she was feeling.

John could hear the note that was missing in her voice, and sighed down the line.

"You don't have to ask what I think. I'm sure you look absolutely gorgeous. I know you do."

She smiled at his smooth-talking, still enjoying hearing the sound of his voice and feeling instantly relieved to have a part of him there with her at that moment.

"Maybe I'm the one more surprised; I didn't expect you to be in either."

"Come on, we've got to have some time to have a breather. It's hard work fitting in with all these party animals, you know."

Anna laughed; there were many phrases that could describe John, but she was fairly certain that 'party animal' wasn't one of them. "As long as you're all managing to stay out of trouble."

"Well, we've got a couple of nights to go yet…" he teased, that cheeky lilt to his tone that had the habit of making her feel very peculiar. He let out a chuckle himself, unable to keep up the pretence for that long, exhaling a dismissing breath. "I'm well past all that now, a couple of drinks and I'm ready for bed. All me and Rob have been doing is sitting having a few pints while the young lads go wild. You can assure Sybil that I'm keeping an eye on Tom for her."

"She'll be pleased to know that," Anna smiled, knowing he'd be taking his role very seriously. John had become very fond of Tom, seeing him as something of a surrogate younger brother. He was close enough to the Crawley girls to also be a kind of second father to them and Anna felt struck with emotion suddenly, pursing her lips to stop herself from bursting into tears.

"Anna?" John echoed her name back to her, fracturing the silence that had fallen amongst them. "Are you still there?"

She took in a breath, a little smile creeping up onto her face.

"Sorry, I was just somewhere else for a moment." Her expression turned a little sad as she thought of how much she wished he was back home; of how she needed him to be back sooner rather than later. When she spoke again, her voice seemed so small and even a little needy to her ears. "I wish I was there with you."

He sighed, relieved to hear that was all that was the matter. "I wish that too, my darling."

The way he said that made her so unbelievably happy, and yet she was still on the verge of crying. She loved him so much, and needed him like never before.

"It looks like a lovely place," she tried desperately to sound somewhere near normal. "Maybe it's one for the list of our possible holiday destinations." Though she wasn't sure she'd be in a state to go travelling come the New Year.

"Quite possibly," he purred, and she could hear that he was turning over a mischievous thought in his mind. "I haven't managed to see all that much, but I doubt that would be a problem. With you here, I wouldn't want to see anything else."

Anna tutted, little giggles escaping her as she did so. "Behave yourself, Mr Bates."

"Only if you tell me to," he responded, his cheeky tone lingering for a bit, keeping her smiling. "Anyway, we can't have you wishing your life away. You'll have fun with the girls tonight, and you'll forget all about me."

He said the second half of his sentence jokingly, but she knew it could never be a possibility for her.

"I don't know, I'm not really in the mood." Anna ran a hand across the dress again, tugging at the zip a little. "I practically had to squeeze myself into this dress, and I've only had it a month or so. I think I've put on weight."

John was chuckling down the phone; he sounded so adorable she couldn't chastise him.

"I bet you're exaggerating. And even if you aren't, then I don't care. You can have as much meat on your bones as you want, you would still be the most beautiful woman on this earth."

She started to sparkle with the smile his words had given her, resting her hand by her waist.

"Let me see."

"What?" That response made her feel rather silly, and also unreasonably excited, as though he was going to suddenly knock on her door and let her into the secret that he hadn't been gone all along.

His reply brought her back to reality. "Send me a picture," he reiterated. "It's the least you can do while I'm sitting here, pining for you. Besides, I don't know whether I've had the pleasure of seeing this dress you're talking about. You've got that many I can't keep track."

Anna laughed as he teased her, pulling down the hem slightly. "Hang on a minute."

She put him on hold as she got into position, using the mirror to her benefit for the first time this evening to take the picture of herself. Not being satisfied with the first she took another, and while it wasn't much better she didn't like to think of him waiting. She reluctantly sent the picture, twirling a strand of her hair nervously while she awaited his response.

"I knew as much," he said after a while, sounding a little self-satisfied but reassuring her most of all. "Stunning. You'll knock the whole town dead. It's a good job I'm not a jealous man…"

She was blushing at the compliments he laid upon her, letting her hair fall from where she had curled it around a finger. "They can look all they want but I'll let them down gently."

He let out another chortle. "It's only fair." The line went quiet for a moment, and she wondered whether his signal had gone, until he finally spoke again. "Now I really do wish I was there."

She sucked in a breath.  _If only…_

"Soon," she replied, smiling at the thought that it was closer now. "I'd better go, I think Gwen's getting itchy feet."

"As long as that's all. Have fun."

"I'll try," she sighed. "Maybe I'll speak to you later."

"I won't wait up, I expect you to be all partied out," he chuckled. "Speak to you soon, my love."

"I promise you will. I love you."

Pushing the button reluctantly, Anna took one last look at herself in the mirror, feeling dejected for having to say goodbye but uplifted by his appreciation. She scooped up the shoes she had picked out – ones that had a slightly lower heel – and made her way out of the room, bumping into Gwen on the landing.

"God, look at the state of my hair," Gwen's face was crumpled in disapproval at the tight curls that adorned her head. "I look like a bloody porcelain doll. I should have got you to do it for me, you're so much better than me at that kind of thing."

Anna shook her head, trying to disguise the smirk that was attempting to break through onto her face. "Just comb it out a bit. It'll look fine."

"Well, I've got no choice now," she huffed. "Mary called and said they'll be picking us up in fifteen minutes or so."

"Alright," Anna held a hand against the wall as she put her heels on. "I just need to touch up my eyes, and then I'm good to go."

She shut the bathroom door behind her, making those final little adjustments. Standing at the sink, she tidied up her eyeshadow and applied a little more mascara, flicking her hair this way and that until she was as happy as she could be with how she looked. She gave herself a small smile in the mirror, and as she did so saw that Gwen had left the cabinet that it covered open a little.

Anna glanced over her shoulder to check that the bathroom door was firmly closed before her eyes and hands returned to the cabinet that was so tantalising in front of her. Reaching out swiftly, she prised it open a bit more; the box was still in the white paper pharmacy bag, peeking out slightly, calling for her to satisfy her curiosity for once and all. She took it into her hands, slipping the packet from its covering and turning it over and over in her grasp. Her breathing was unsteady as she stared at it, contemplating whether she would have enough time, or whether she would even want to while he wasn't here. She looked at her reflection again, watching the colour slowly drain from her face as she gripped onto the box.

"Have you fallen down the loo in there?" Gwen's shouting was stifled by the door. "Get a move on."

"I'll be ten seconds," Anna shouted back, throwing the item hastily down onto the side of the bath. She moistened her lips and tucked a strand of hair back behind her ear, closing her eyes for a split second before she steeled herself.

Gwen was standing there, scrunching her hair hurriedly as Anna closed the door.

"Okay then," Anna smiled shakily. "Let's go."

* * *

Anna didn't regret going out as much as she expected she would; the evening had proved to be a good distraction, at least to a certain extent – she found that she couldn't forget about everything quite so easily, but then that would have been rather too much to ask. The meal had been low-key and relaxed, which had rather taken her by surprise, but Sybil was certainly making up for it now, dragging the girls around town on a trail of her favourite haunts. And if anything, it was proving to be a rather eclectic night.

At the moment they were in something of a run-down student bar, 90s music booming above their heads. In the basement, Sybil had taken charge of the pool table and was currently taking great delight in thoroughly beating a group of lads single-handedly. Having been distinctly unimpressed with the surroundings, Mary had taken her rather garish-looking cocktail upstairs to see if she could find a corner that was slightly more refined, Edith following not far behind.

Anna glanced around in the low orange light, not quite believing that she'd ever find herself in this kind of bar again, not weeks after her thirtieth birthday. Gwen was bopping her head around enthusiastically to the music next to her, sending ringlets of curls shaking wildly, and she had to laugh at the absurdity of it all.

"I think they might be checking out your moves," Anna subtly pointed out a couple of guys who were staring at Gwen, a little horrified to notice that they couldn't have been much older than nineteen.

"Jesus, they look as if they could be in a One Direction tribute band," Gwen grimaced. "I've got knickers older than them."

Anna giggled, shaking her head as she swilled the remnants of her orange and lemonade in her glass. "Well, at least Sybil's having fun. Even if I do feel ridiculously old being here."

Gwen smirked as she made to head from the table to the bar. "Well, I know a way to solve that. Lots and lots of alcohol, and fast. What are you having?"

Anna's eyes flashed with a hint of panic that she couldn't disguise. "Oh no, not for me. I'm alright with this."

"It's not going to make you feel any better about being around a bunch of students. Honestly, it's on me…"

"No, Gwen."

Gwen pulled back swiftly when Anna grabbed onto her arm, puzzled and a bit alarmed at the abruptness of her friend's voice. She took one look at Anna's face, her gaze having fell into her lap, and abandoned her mission, taking her seat back again.

Anna relaxed her grasp on Gwen's arm, her hand drifting down to rest against her stomach, at something Gwen was none the wiser about as yet. Though with the look in her eyes that she now couldn't move from, it wouldn't be that way for much longer.

Sure enough, she was quick to query the sudden change in mood. "What is it? You can tell me anything, you know that."

Anna smiled, it feeling a little ill-fitting on her lips. She didn't really know why; she wasn't unhappy, not even that troubled. It was probably just the guilt that she knew Gwen shouldn't have been the first person she would be telling this to.

She found herself stumbling, fiddling with the bracelet on her wrist. "There's a chance I might be…well, I think I  _am_ …pregnant."

Gwen clasped her hands to her mouth, stifling a little screech. Anna was having trouble accurately reading her reaction when half her face was hidden from view, but she didn't seem to take the news negatively, although she didn't speak for what seemed like a very long time.

Finally taking her hands away, Gwen started to flap them around her face wildly. "Anna! Oh my god! This is…wow."

A wide smile broke across her face as she grabbed onto both of Anna's hands, and eased by the expression, Anna felt she couldn't help but reciprocate.

"This is just…" Gwen continued to ramble as Anna tried to formulate it all in her head for the first time out loud. "When? Where? How? Okay, well you don't have to answer the last two."

Gwen let out a raucous laugh on impulse, which was punctuated by a whimper of one from Anna.

"You said you  _think_  you are…do you not know for certain?"

She winced at Gwen's questioning, feeling as though it was coming as further judgement.

"Well, all the signs are there," Anna began, tucking her hair behind her ear. "I have bought a test but I don't know…it just feels wrong to do anything at the moment." She sighed as Gwen continued to look at her as though she didn't quite understand where she was coming from. "I don't want to know for sure when John isn't here." She thought about what he could have been doing at this very moment, miles away, and though he probably was thinking of her, completely unaware of this. "I don't want to have to tell him over the phone." She wanted to see his face in front of her, every bit of it changing as he took the news in, though in truth she wasn't sure whether she longed for or dreaded that moment arriving.

"You're much more patient than I am," Gwen exclaimed hurriedly. "I would have exploded by now."

She gave a little laugh and squeezed Anna's hand, which reassured her somewhat.

"He'll be back soon though, won't he? You won't have to wait much longer."

"They're back from Prague the day after tomorrow, but then he has to go to a conference as soon as he gets back." Anna sighed, rolling her eyes lightly as she looked back up at Gwen. "Perfect timing."

Gwen sensed that there might have been more to those words that Anna was letting on.

"You're not worried about what he's going to think, are you?" she ventured, seeing that a cloud had settled behind Anna's irises. "Anna, I know now that he's going to be over the moon. Anyone could say that."

"I hope so," she smiled slowly. The doubts that were in her mind were lessened now, especially having heard Gwen repeat what she believed the most to be true. Above everything she cursed herself for not being more mindful, for allowing herself to coast along on the crest of a wave as if nothing else mattered. She supposed anything could happen in life, and she had to deal with the consequences, no matter where they were up to.

Gwen's eyes were still fixed firm on her, and Anna widened her smile further.

"But the main thing is that you're happy," Gwen started, with only a bit of hesitation. "I mean, you are happy, aren't you? How do you feel about it?"

She took Anna's hand again in case she might need comfort, and Anna was glad for the gesture.

"Well, I can't say that I expected it, not now anyway." She shook her head suddenly; she could only think of how she would lecture anyone else on how silly they were being to think otherwise in the same position. "But I know that I want to be with John, I couldn't even imagine anyone else. And the thought of that makes me so happy that I could burst." Now the grin plastered across her face couldn't be ignored, neither could the brightness deep in her eyes. "So it's only what's inevitable, really, just happening a bit sooner than I thought. You know that I always thought I could plan everything to the last detail. I spent all my time with Jeremy doing that and it got me absolutely nowhere. If anything, I only ended up going backwards. Maybe this is telling me something."

She gazed down, her eyes drawn to her tummy that was hidden by her dress, that still showed no sign and wouldn't do for weeks yet. A fluttering of excitement gathered in the place where she held her hand loosely, not even being able to imagine him or her as yet. All she knew was that she couldn't wait to get to know all about them.

"But yes, I am," she said decisively, with a little laugh escaping her. "I'm very happy."

Gwen let out another squeal, engulfing Anna in a hug.

"Oh, I can't believe it, but I know I'm so excited," she shrieked against Anna's ear. "You're going to be the best mum. The  _best_."

It was a little strange for her to hear it, the idea still not quite sinking in.

"Let's keep it between us for now, hey?" Anna asked, conscious that Gwen could often find it hard to hold anything in.

"Of course, of course. You don't need to worry there," Gwen reassured with a smile, before giving Anna another squeeze and wiping a trickle of a tear from her eye. "Well, I know what this calls for. Even if you can't, I'm going to drink double in your honour."

Anna laughed as Gwen headed exuberantly to the bar, feeling relieved that some of the weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She was still half in a daze after her message alert had gone off, and she took the phone out of her bag slowly. When she opened the message to see the picture looking up at her, she couldn't stop smiling.

There was John, doing his best model pose in the mirror – the same slightly ridiculous but still somehow completely sexy expression that always cracked her up.

_\- I thought I'd return the favour. Will I do? Not that I care what anyone else thinks but you. Miss you and love you. J x_

_And this is the man I've chosen above everyone else_ , she thought. She had to commend herself for her good taste.

* * *

John climbed out of the taxi, breathing out a long sigh of relief when he saw home in front of him, at last. Given all the delays he had encountered, getting into London again had seemed almost like an expedition to the other side of the world and at points during the arduous trip he thought he might never make it back. It was lucky enough that he was here just before midnight. Dropping his bag on the doorstep and turning the key in the door, he thought he would call Anna once more to let her know that he had arrived back safely and then head straight to bed. Spending a good few hours sleeping would while away the time until he could get to see her again.

He didn't pay that much attention to the small light on at the end of the hallway, but heard the small footsteps a few seconds after he had closed the door behind him. She emerged from the kitchen, creeping towards him slowly and with a surprising amount of restraint. However she couldn't hide the delighted smile that lit up all of her features upon seeing him, and it took him all he had not to gather her up, holding her to him from now until forever.

"Hello," she said softly through her smile, wrapping her arms about him. John sighed as she did so, feeling that he was truly home now that he felt her touch.

"Hello," he echoed huskily, bringing her a little closer. "I didn't expect this."

"Well, Mr Bates, you should know that I'm full of surprises," she giggled, looking immensely pleased with herself. It was always hard to define one perfect instance but he decided there and then that she had never appeared more adorable. Her beaming smile lessened just a touch as she gazed up into his eyes unwaveringly. "I didn't want to go the night without seeing you."

John arched his back while her palms moved slowly across his chest, the tips of her fingers sending shivers pulsing through to his skin where she was guiding them over his clothes.

"I had no idea I was that irresistible," he smiled down at her, catching one of her hands as it travelled. He noticed her inhaling in a sharp little breath and his own caught for a second or so as she faltered. His fingers began to stroke over hers with such tenderness, and he was overjoyed to find her smiling again, even more than before. "God, I missed you…"

"…like you wouldn't believe," she finished his sentence for him, them both laughing as they recalled how often he had said that over the phone during their time apart. "And you know I felt exactly the same. At least I hope you did."

He couldn't believe the love he felt for her, and he wanted to be sure that she never doubted it.

"Come on," she tugged upon his hand, her smile wide upon her face as she made to turn away. "I've got something to show you."

John pulled her back to him swiftly, delighting in the look she gave him as her hands quickly landed upon him again.

"It can wait for just a moment, until I've done this."

He took the time to gaze at her in the honeyed light, noticing the way she took in a whisper of a breath in anticipation and how her eyelashes fluttered against the crest of her cheek. The way she looked before they kissed would always amaze him; she never failed to take his breath away. He brought her close to him while their mouths met, getting closer himself to her too, enough so that they might have become one body. His fingers caressed her cheek as his lips ran over hers, almost unbelieving that he had her once again with each stroke he issued.

He would have been content to stop time right then and there, resting his forehead against hers just as days before, feeling the warmth of her pressed upon him.

"Come on," she whispered again, and this time he let himself be led by the hand down the hall and through the kitchen. He would have been led anywhere by her, she had him completely under her control.

Anna turned to smile for a moment before she pushed open the door to the garden. A blast of a rather cold wind met them unexpectedly and John rubbed his hands against the tops of her arms, letting one drift down instinctively to just below her waist after a few moments. He thought he felt her startle just slightly when his fingertips brushed against her stomach, but whatever it was lasted barely long enough to be noticeable and she sunk against him contentedly before wriggling to step down and out, him following her.

They had been all but plunged into darkness once more, a single candle glowing upon the table in front of the little seating area to the side of them. He could still catch sight of her smile well enough and followed her gaze as she arched her head upwards, her arms tightening their grasp around him.

John was rather stunned when he beheld the sight; he wondered why it had completely escaped him when he had stood in front of the house. The night sky was studded with silver stars, new ones seeming to appear and twinkle with so much brightness each second. Everything lit up with the way they shone relentlessly and it seemed to signal something to him, a warm and enchanting sensation spreading throughout his body despite the coolness of the late air.

Tearing his eyes away from the skies eventually, the feeling within him charged up again on seeing her eyes looking into his. He drew her a little closer, sensing that she needed the increased contact and craving it madly himself, and heard her make a little sigh as she settled her arms against his chest.

"It's funny that so many of them should have come out tonight," she pondered, shifting further still into his touch. "It's like they knew they would have to."

"The planets aligning," he uttered, tracing his fingers down her back.

She let out a little hint of a laugh before gazing up once more. "There was always one really bright star above our house when I was younger, right at the top of the roof, just sitting there. It was as though it was looking after us all, guiding us somehow. I used to have to find it every night before I went to sleep, and I always had to make a wish on it."

He hung upon every word she said, listening intently to her memories as he stroked his hand up into her hair.

"And on the nights I couldn't see it, I used to get so upset. I was convinced that something bad would happen if I didn't find it, and it really stressed me out. My dad would always know and he'd come to try and calm me down, every time. He'd tell me that I had no need to worry, that even though I might not be able to see it that it would always be there, looking out for me."

They both looked up at that moment, finding an exceptionally bright star shining above their heads. Anna was smiling when her eyes cast down to the ground, one of her hands held between them. He reached out to grasp it and she found his gaze again, the light from above transported into her eyes as she smiled, nodding an answer to a silent question.

"Do you want to make another wish, for old times' sake?" he asked after a little while, his own eyes drawn to the star that near illuminated them where they stayed standing.

Anna shrugged, relaxing against him. "There'll be other nights. Besides, I don't know if I need to wish for anything ever again."

Holding her as close as he could, he was having trouble arguing with that fact.

* * *

The aroma of the warm toast mingled with that of the freshly-brewed pot of coffee that was sitting on the counter. John poured himself a cup leisurely, taking up a piece of toast and spreading butter across it, the soft crackle echoing around the kitchen.

He found himself looking up at precisely the right moment, a smile lifting his lips as Anna drifted in, holding her handbag open as she threw things into it. He took a long bite, licking his lips as he watched her go about her morning routine that he knew so well now, her little quirks fascinating him every time. Regretfully she had changed out of his pyjama top and was now apparently completely ready to leave, immaculate in her skirt suit and blouse. She was lingering on the other side of the counter, a finger held to her lips as she pondered, a vaguely quizzical expression covering her face. He couldn't resist rising from where he sat and walking the short distance, his arms scooping around her slender waist.

She came out of her daze, giggling lightly as his hands grew more insistent.

"I'm sure I've forgotten something. Sometimes I think I'd forget my head if it wasn't screwed on."

"I can think of a few things you've forgotten…"

His lips began to trail down the curve of her neck, each kiss he dotted there punctuated with shakes and giggles from her.

"John, stop," she said in a voice that wasn't entirely convincing. "I'm going to be late as it is."

He growled his disappointment as he pulled away, still keeping his hands held on her waist. Her blue eyes smiled an apology that she didn't need to give.

"One of these days our schedules will match up," she promised, raising a hand to cup his cheek. She hummed in slight amusement to feel his morning stubble against her fingertips, her lips pursing when he covered her hand with his own upon his face. "I'm glad I was here last night."

He couldn't help but smirk in agreement. "I'm glad you were too."

They had ended up inside not long afterwards the night before, warming themselves up with long embraces and even longer kisses. The intention of curling up in bed to sleep was soon dismissed when they got upstairs, the absence that was still lingering something that needed to be properly compensated for. He found himself taking his time, exploring her reverently, laying her down gently with kisses to cover her. She draped her arms around his shoulders and then he surrendered himself to her, at her command completely as he so often was. They made love slowly that night, minutes turning into hours, savouring one another, and he found himself falling more in love with her and the soft sighs she made in the shadows.

As she parted her lips just slightly now to let a breath escape, he felt mesmerised, completely pulled under by her.

"I can come back tonight," her voice filtered through to his senses. "Or even after work, if I can get away soon enough."

"I'll be counting down the hours," he smiled.

She returned his look with a knowing smile of her own, bashful and bold all at once beneath his stare. Reluctantly she moved out of his grasp, looping her bag over her shoulder as she made for the door with skipping steps.

Before she could go too far, he called her back with an already longing look in his eyes.

"One kiss," he begged, meeting her halfway across the kitchen, "to take with me."

Anna smiled a smile that was truly angelic, her hand snaking up the back of his neck to grasp onto his hair. He could feel her tense, a little taken by surprise at the burst of passion that was unleashed, and then she relaxed in his arms, accelerating the kiss by her own means. John held onto her, not keen to let the moment end.

"That was quite the kiss, Mr Bates," she whispered with glee, smiling against his lips and then smiling over her shoulder as he followed her steps towards the front door.

"Well, I wouldn't want to leave you disappointed."

She gave a little happy shrug of her shoulders, her feet picking up as she started to head down the street, waving a couple of times to him before he shut the door.

John was still grinning, humming some song that had come out of nowhere to himself, as he went back down the hallway. It was only from the corner of his eye that he caught it, the notepad brimming with additional pieces of paper that had fallen just by the staircase. He shook his head, bending to pick it up, stuffing the sheets that had come loose back inside. Holding it firm in his hand, he jogged to the door, thinking he might just be able to catch her yet.

His eyes found her immediately and he had to smile to see her, as yet unaware of him on the other side of the road.

"Anna!" he called out, waving the notebook over his head for her to see.

She swivelled round with a smile, her eyes remaining fixed to him as she went to step out into the road. She was oblivious to everything except him, unable to hear the tyres that were grinding, unable to see the vehicle that was hurtling fast at her back until the very last second, when it was too late.

"Anna!"

The scream was silent at the back of his throat; the world around him faded to black.

When it came back to him, he imagined it must have been a momentary nightmare; some kind of illusion he could have done nothing about because it hadn't been real.

Walking out unsteadily into the street, through blurred vision he was able to see limbs twisted in the air, blonde hair splayed out on the tarmac of the road.

"Anna…"

The barely audible whisper of her name was all he could formulate, the regret lodged immediately and firmly in his mind.


	28. Chapter 28

John's heart was beating sickeningly in his chest as he ran across the road, his legs burning as friction seemed to be pulling against him. Everything was moving in slow motion, moving against him as he tried to get there quicker.

All he was able to hear, aside from the wheezing breaths emerging from his throat, was the loud thud resounding over and over and over. It made his blood turn to ice in his veins. All he could see were the beautiful features of her face, the blue of her eyes piercing through him, her smile that melted his heart, before she disappeared from sight, quicker than he could comprehend.

He needed to see her, more than he needed air to breathe, and yet he was arrested with a fear that coursed through his whole body. Glimpsing her lying there from so far away had been hard enough to bear; even the thought had shattered him.

His eyes closed of their own accord for a few moments, his breathing hard against his ears.

A voice came to overpower his cowardice, making him ashamed and devastated.

_She needs you._

She needed him more than ever.

He gazed down at the ground, not making even the smallest sound when he saw her laid out before him. She looked untouched, her eyes resting shut, long lashes stilled against the curve of her cheek. She looked just the same as she had done not so long ago, sleeping in his bed, warm and safe and happy in her dreaming. She looked like she did hours ago, minutes even, holding herself inches from him, waiting to be kissed.

John leant down, a palm bracing the hard tarmac, a sudden sharp pain shooting up from his knee that he was barely aware of. Now he found that he couldn't look away even if he tried, his eyes roaming her and desperate for a sign of any kind.

She seemed far too still, her chest barely rising and falling at all. With each tiny movement, it was as though the last of life was being snatched from her.

Tears filled his eyes as he shuffled closer to her side, his hand hovering helpless and lost above her body.

 _Oh god, oh god, oh god_ , the other voice echoed in his head.

"Anna," he mouthed her name silently, scared to startle her, looking into her pale and closed face. It was so strange not to be gazing into the depths of her eyes. He wished harder than he had for anything that they would open to meet him, in the next second or maybe the one after that. Her hair was tangled around her face and on the road; he wanted to fix it for her, brush it gently back into the right place.

"Oh, Jesus Christ."

It took him minutes to be aware of the feverish muttering at his back, the utterances less shocked and horrified and instead appearing to express self-concern most of all.

John half-turned from Anna, anxious every second that he wasn't watching her. The man, a few years younger than himself, was jittery, restlessly moving his hand over his head. He wouldn't look down, his look apparently cold and removed despite his jumpy demeanour, and John was aware of an acute rage swelling in his guts even looking at this individual. He felt the urge to grab him by the scruff of his neck and force him to confront what he had done. Yet at the same time he didn't want him to dare look at Anna, not even for a second.

He noticed the stranger's glare eventually meeting her, and it took all John had not to jump up and slam him against the bonnet of the car.

"I didn't even see her…she just came out of nowhere."

He couldn't bear to hear the snivelling; it was a bare-faced lie, he had seen for himself how long Anna had waited before she took her first few steps out into the road. She had been waiting because she had been looking over at him.

John shut out the noise and the movement behind him, moving back around to focus entirely on Anna once more. Her lips still had a pink tinge but he noticed that her cheeks were almost white. One of her arms was awkwardly twisted over the tarmac beneath her, her hand just up in the air slightly as if she were reaching out for him. He wanted more than anything to take it, grasp onto her for his own comfort as much as hers, but the logical side of him that was somehow still remaining amongst the chaos knew he might do more harm than good.

More people had started to come out into the street; he could tell from the gasps and gabbling chatter he could hear behind him. He shut his eyes tight and swallowed the lump in his throat for it only to be replaced with another one, a burning stab needling the left side of his chest.

"Anna, love, it's okay," he whispered at first, his voice becoming louder the longer he looked at her. "I'm here with you, love. I'm not going to leave. It'll be fine, I promise you."

 _And if it hadn't have been for him telling her to stay for those few moments more, there wouldn't have been anything to promise. If he hadn't picked up that book and come out at that very time, this wouldn't have happened._ He had distracted her, made her less aware in that moment. It was as good as his fault that she was lying there now, so still, so far away.

If he would have had the power he would have turned back time in an instant, sacrificed anything, including himself.

His head barely brushed against her side as he went nearer to her, on his hands and knees, willing for it all to go away as naively as a child would do, hoping and praying that everything would be as fine as he had pledged it would be.

Sirens sounded in the distance and then they were there, though merely an echo in his mind. A hand on his shoulder moved him up, kept him back as they lifted Anna onto the awaiting stretcher. He watched carefully the way they handled her, holding his hands out hopelessly, feeling himself drained of purpose.

"Can I go with her? Please."

He knew he was pleading but he didn't care, a desperate look fixed on the paramedic while Anna was bundled into the back of the ambulance. Being held back from her was torture, he could feel his heart cracking in his chest.

As he gave the nod, John grasped onto the paramedic's hand with both of his, making him stumble back a little.

Faces stared back at him in pity and concern before the doors were closed behind them. Amongst the crowd he could see no sign of the culprit, even at the furthest point of the street. The light was shut out suddenly and he took in a shuddering breath, sitting at her feet while everything began to work around them, the attempts to bring her back completely already underway.

There would be no choice, he wouldn't consider it. It had to be better. She had to be safe. He would never forgive himself if anything became otherwise.

* * *

There had been some calm, which was quickly replaced when they got through the doors of the A&E entrance to the hospital. The wheels of the makeshift trolley that carried Anna clattered through corridors as the rush picked up, hospital staff frantically yelling commands he couldn't understand. All the while John ran alongside, his eyes never leaving her, hoping beyond hope that she would wake up yet.

He kept pace until he was told he could go no further. At least they were polite and understanding about it, but no amount of courtesy and gentle words could stop the panic that gripped him. She required immediate attention, the doctors were already waiting to assess her situation. The young nurse tried her best to wear a blank expression but John saw the trouble that was underneath. She must have barely been out of medical school, there was little wonder she couldn't quite separate her emotions as yet. His stomach fell to his feet and his head began to reel considering all the possibilities.  _She was in good hands,_  was all he kept telling himself, perhaps misguidedly. He stared at the heavy doors ahead and felt the steel shoot through his bones, feeling as if he'd had a sentence passed down to him.

"Is there anyone we can call?" the young nurse was saying, her eyes warm and empathetic.

His mind had gone blank aside from thoughts of Anna. "Umm…her mother, her mother should know what's…" He couldn't bear to call himself; he could hardly begin to imagine how Susan would react.

The nurse seemed sad when he looked up again, giving a small shake of her head.

"Of course, we can do that, but I was thinking for you."

Oh god, was she trying to say something? That he would need the support, as things weren't looking favourable? Nothing made any sense right now, and he put the wilder side of speculation racing in his mind down to that fact.

"Errr, Robert," he stumbled, offering his phone towards the nurse blindly. "Robert Crawley."

She gave a nod and the smallest hint of a smile before she turned away, leaving him alone in the corridor.

With a heavy sigh, John rested his head against the wall before turning and placing it into his hands instead. He was unable to recall the last time he had found himself in A&E, probably when he had done something in a drunken stupor, whole lifetimes away now. He remembered telling Anna not that long ago about the time he had sliced his hand open while trying to impress a date, and ended up panicking thinking he was going to lose pints of blood while Robert carted him to hospital, crying and whining like a big girl's blouse. She had laughed at first at the thought of his histrionics and then cooed, hugging her arms around him where they lay in bed, opening up his palm to place a kiss on the faint scar that was still visible there. He had shivered at the feel of her soft lips trailing across his skin, sending thanks to every force in the universe that he had found her despite everything.

The unmistakable, almost indescribable hospital scent hung heavy in the air, felt as though it was choking him. Dark thoughts circled his head the longer he was left; it seemed to be taking far too long for a simple assessment. He was on the verge of bursting through those doors more than once, needing to know what was wrong. He wanted –  _needed_  – to know she was being taken care of. He had to know everything, and yet he was too fearful of what the truth of the matter would be.

He was about to take a charge up once more, when an older woman emerged from the doors, a board held to her chest. Though he wasn't able to process much past his worries and desperate thoughts of Anna, he noticed the name badge that read 'Nurse Isobel Crawley' from the corner of his eye.

"Mr Bates?"

"John, please," he responded, and she gave a small nod, her demeanour much calmer than that of the younger nurse had been. Still, it did little to soothe him, and he grew more frantic the longer she remained silent. "How is she?"

"Do you know her well?" she enquired, what he supposed was only a routine question. It made him panic, wondering how much they would inform someone who wasn't her next of kin or a member of her family of, and he was damned if he was going to be left in the dark.

"I'm her…well, we'll be married soon enough."

Sweet as they should have been, the words sent a shard through his heart. This shouldn't have been the way he had uttered them, and part of him felt even guiltier for having to lie, to use the privilege that wasn't even his this way. He just hoped to God he still had the chance to make her his fiancée.

Nurse Crawley gave another nod, taking a glance down at the board she was holding and then shifting it in her hands as she looked him in the eyes again.

"The car seems to have hit Anna with considerable impact. To look at she appears rather unharmed, but appearances are sadly often deceiving," she explained, a small sorrow washing over her expression as she spoke. "One of her ankles is badly damaged from where she fell in the road. And she has suffered major internal injuries."

She stopped to take a long breath in and John's eyes were dancing with worry, convinced that wasn't the worst of it.

"I'm afraid that Anna has lost her baby."

The news hit him like a thousand ton weight falling upon his shoulders. He might have had a feeling these past few weeks that something was different, but hearing it like this ripped through him. How he could instantly grieve for something he was never even certain he had had in the first place seemed incomprehensible, but like a natural process. The sorrow overwhelmed him so much that he couldn't find the words to speak, and he had to be sure now that Anna would make it through. He knew that he would break into pieces, irretrievable to the world if any further turns were taken.

Somewhere, he was aware of the senior nurse eyeing him with a certain compassion he had already become accustomed to from her.

"You were aware that she was pregnant?"

John nodded slowly, unable to do anything else.

She offered him a sad half smile. "Then you'll know that there was nothing that could have been done, not at such an early stage. I am terribly sorry for both your loss."

"Thank you," John replied almost under his breath, working up the conviction to look the nurse in the eyes again. "She will be okay though, won't she? Is there any way you can say…?"

Her expression wasn't that revealing as he searched for an answer, eyes wide.

"We'll be taking her into theatre shortly, there are some things that need to be looked at." She tried her best to make the blow softer, but it was quite obvious what she was referring to. "It's likely that she won't gain full consciousness for some time afterwards. We will have to observe her closely, especially in the next 24 hours."

The words reverberated on the walls; he felt himself needing support once more, bracing his palm flat on the wall next to him.

"I can assure you that Doctor Clarkson is one of our finest surgeons, and his team will make sure Anna is well taken care of. I promise I will let you know as soon as there is word. But please, in the meantime, try to rest. You'll be doing the best for Anna."

John took her wishes as kindly as he could and stood staring after for a moment as the bed was wheeled from the room rapidly in the direction of the operating theatre. He could only catch a small glimpse of her golden hair upon the pillow amidst the bodies that surrounded her and he wasn't sure whether he was thankful for that.

Left alone once more, he wandered aimlessly back and forth, pinching the bridge of his nose and scrunching his eyes until it was almost painful to do so, trying to stop the tears from flowing. Everything had been so wonderful, just hours ago they were blissfully happy with nothing in the world to worry them. It was almost as if it had been a cruel trick, or otherwise he would wake up at any moment, with Anna not on her own in a cold operating theatre, but at his side, perfectly content, smiling up at him as he stole another series of kisses from her. The devil on his shoulder was quick to emerge, telling him that he should have never expected anything different. This was how he would pay for all the terrible mistakes he had made in his life, with the most precious thing he had.

"John!"

He looked up slowly, his fist having near enough sunk into the wall, hearing Mary's calls of his name and her heels clicking over the hard floors as she ran to him. He took her into his arms immediately, biting hard on his lip to prevent himself from weeping into Mary's shoulder. He saw that Matthew and Cora were standing at her back, Cora coming up quickly to place a supportive hand on his arm.

"We came as soon as Papa got the call," Mary explained, her face whitened with worry. "Matthew's mother is a nurse here, we just saw her as we were walking up. She told us that Anna had been taken down to surgery, but nothing else…"

"Yeah," he couldn't control the waver in his voice, finding it hard to remain restrained now that other people were here, looking almost as frightened as he was. "She has some injuries…they're taking a look, they're…"

"You don't need to say anything more," Cora announced firmly, patting his arm repeatedly. "What happened has happened. Now we're here for you, and for Anna. We'll all be praying for her to come through this."

"She's made of tough stuff, tougher than anyone I've ever known," Mary reaffirmed with a smile, which John returned as best he could. He knew Mary wasn't exaggerating for effect or speaking only to make him feel better; he couldn't name another that was braver and more tenacious than Anna. She wouldn't stop fighting now, he was sure, not with all they had to hang onto.

While he stood in the centre of a circle that had been made around him, thinking every second of Anna and what was happening to her right then, Robert burst through the doors nearly out of breath. His reaction was more stoic than that of his daughter's as he reached a hand out to John, but John felt and appreciated the heartfelt support of his oldest friend.

"My dear fellow," he uttered lowly. "I couldn't believe my ears."

"I'm not finding it too easy myself," John managed to reply with a small nervous laugh, before his voice cracked.

Robert frowned; the situation was unlike anything they had both ever come across before. He brought his hand up to pat John on the arm, much the same as Cora had done minutes previously.

"I'm terribly…"

"Don't say you're sorry," John interjected quickly, a catch in his voice showing his true emotion rather than the harshness he had not meant to portray. "Anna won't want that."

The smile slowly formed on Robert's face, and he placed his hand firm on John's shoulder. "That's very true. Now come on, I suppose we're in for a wait yet."

John let himself be guided to sit down in one of the chairs, and sighed. It was one thing to say, but quite another to fulfil, and the voice in his head couldn't seem to stop the thought from recurring.

_I'm so sorry, my love._

* * *

Anna had been out of theatre for a couple of hours, yet it was too soon for anyone to be allowed to see her. Nurse Crawley had kept to her word and came to see them immediately after, saying that everything had gone well but they would still need to be on alert. It wasn't too unusual, she assured, especially not in a case with such serious trauma. At this moment Anna was stable but critical, with a nurse keeping watch in the room in case anything should go wrong.

Just outside her room, John sat keeping his own faithful vigil, his hands clasped together and his stare straight ahead, trying to keep all his worst fears contained. He hadn't dared to move since she'd been brought back, his body feeling numb. Robert walked over slowly to the seat just by him, clutching a cardboard coffee cup.

"Are you sure you don't want anything? You need to keep your strength up."

John shook his head with a grimace, waving his hand towards Robert in reply. The very thought of food or drink turned his stomach sour, and it already felt bad enough.

In front of them, Mary was pacing, phone clutched to her ear. Robert gave her a signal to end the call, considering where they were, and she reluctantly did as she was told, still grasping onto it tight.

"I've been in touch with Tony Gillingham, I thought he may be able to help being in the force and all. They're already doing enquiries." She wore a determined expression, clearly latching on to the police investigation as her way to take her mind off things. John did admire it of her, but he simply didn't have the inclination to go that way. "That spineless bastard was on a speeding ban. He's been charged for drink driving in the past, God knows if he was doing the same today. He shouldn't have even been on the road."

John's head sunk into his hands as Mary continued to rage, unable to take what she was saying in. Down the corridor, machines bleeped, the sickening sound of a flatline from another room echoing and causing him to feel sick to his stomach.

"To think that he's out there, knowing full well what he's done and running away like a coward…it makes me want to take the law into my own hands," Mary went on, her voice getting sharper and louder with each word spoken. John could feel her dark eyes on him and a shiver ran down his spine. "John, I can't imagine what you must want to do. I wouldn't blame you."

"They'll find him eventually," he sighed, trying to avoid Mary's indignant glare head-on. Of course he wanted justice to be done, but he really couldn't care less about him, whoever he was, right now. Getting angry seemed pointless, it wouldn't make Anna better. She was the only thing that mattered to him, the only one who consumed his mind. Looking up to face Mary, she must have been able to see that. "I care about Anna. That's all."

Her eyes softened to see the wrought sadness in his, and she mouthed her apology.

"We're all feeling it," Robert interjected, standing to go over to his daughter. "Get some air for a bit, Mary. We're not going anywhere soon."

She didn't need another word, her gaze lingering on John's forlorn figure, shrunken in the small chair, before she walked away down the corridor.

"It'll take less time than we all think, you'll see," Robert aimed at John, sitting back down again. "She's as strong and stubborn as an ox. Tomorrow and she'll be sitting up, talking, mark my words. She'll be absolutely fine."

He knew the optimism was only trying to help, but it wouldn't filter through to the blackness that was eating him up, the guilt that was surging through him. He ran a palm over his face, shielding himself for a solemn moment, before turning to Robert. He seemed to take in a gasp of breath when he was confronted with John's haunted eyes.

The words lodged themselves in his throat, the fear that they might be closer to the truth than he'd truly consider overwhelming.

"What if she isn't?" John uttered, the faintest quiver in his voice. His eyes glossed over the more he thought of it, his hand trembling where it lay upon his thigh. "For all the will in the world, we don't know what will happen."

If only he would have known, he would have never let her out of his arms. It couldn't come to be, another blow that would be the cruellest of all.

He was mumbling as his hand covered his mouth to stifle sobs. "We've already lost…"

Robert's gaze was steady but searching, allowing John the time to gather some composure. With tears in his eyes, one or two unable to be restrained, John let out a sigh as he faced his friend once more.

"She was pregnant, Rob. Anna was pregnant." he confided.  _Was_. He was still trying to wrestle with the fact, that something so precious could be taken away in as much as a split second. If there was such thing as a God, who could say whether he would stop there? "She was going to have…and now it's gone, just like that."

He sniffed loudly, the anguish wracking through his chest. It made him lose sight of everything, of himself, for moments and he didn't realise he was weeping openly until a tear splashed onto his trousers. Wiping at his eyes furiously with the tissue that had been offered to him, he gave Robert an apologetic look.

"I'm sorry, mate. I don't mean to embarrass you."

"I'm not embarrassed. You know what Mama always says, that embarrassment is the only unproductive emotion." Robert exhaled a sigh, his hand stretched out to rest on John's arm. "I just wish you could have been spared this, both of you."

John managed the tiniest of half-smiles in acknowledgement, a few moments of silence hanging in the air. He stood up suddenly, turning himself to look into the window, glimpsing Anna lying in the bed while the nurse remained at her side, watching the monitor and making notes. He both wished and wanted not to be there in place of the nurse, his heart aching with every beat it took. It struck him, not for the first time, that even if he had been inside instead of out here, he wouldn't have been able to do much good anyway. But that was all the more reason not to leave.

"It's my fault," he said low and plain, his gaze still fixed to the pane. "I should have done something more. I shouldn't have let her…"

"You said it yourself, we don't know what will happen," Robert interjected. "Don't drive yourself mad over what you can't control."

_But what if I could…_

"Just focus on what will be," Robert's voice continued to sound at his back. "It's all you can do."

And yet they didn't even know what that was, not yet.

"I couldn't save her." That failure would haunt him for the rest of his days, whatever happened. John reached his hand out slowly, placing it gently at the bottom of the window, as close as he could be to her at this moment. "I'm not going to leave her, not now."

Nothing in the world would make him go.

* * *

John opened his eyes slowly, aware of nothing else but the stiff ache in his neck and limbs, and the horrible truth of the situation that had not left him even in his dreams. He had barely got any sleep anyway; it had been a long night, and the stress of it had kept him wide awake. During the early hours, the nurse had come rushing out of the room and he had stopped her long enough to know that something was very wrong. Anna had taken a sudden turn for the worse, failing to respond and her heart rate dropping low. He was left in a state of utter despair, looking on as the doctors went through to her and counting every second that went by unfailingly. They managed to stabilise her after some time but it came as a shock to everyone, and the need to be wary increased – not that John's had ever waned.

As the hours ticked by all at once unnoticed and closely observed, he became more and more desperate. Ever since his mother had died and long before that still he had been a man of little faith, but as dusk faded into dawn he found himself praying to any power that would listen, his eyes clasped shut in the hope that it would increase the chances of being heard. He didn't even need to consider for one second that he would have gladly exchanged places and given himself up to whatever fate lay ahead, but he thought of Anna's torment – could hear her endless sobs and screams as she watched over him – and he was heartbroken anew. She had so much goodness within her, she cared for him like nobody else had ever done in his life – how was it fair that this should have happened to her?

The increasing light brought him round and he stretched out, sitting on the hard seat with a groan. This time he took the coffee that Robert offered to him, held just in front of his face. He sipped from the cup while Robert eyed him, his watchful gaze full of concern.

"Go home for a couple of hours or so. You've got to have some decent rest. I'll be here, Mary's on her way. You know we'll let you know if anything happens."

John rubbed his eyes with the base of his palms, taking away the very few remnants of sleep that remained and making himself more alert. He glanced up at Robert, who was wearing a worried frown at his dishevelled state.

"I'm not going anywhere," he reaffirmed hoarsely. "I want to be here when she wakes up."  _Whenever that will be_. He wouldn't even consider the other option. He thought he saw a distant look in Robert's eyes that was hinting at its possibility, and he blinked quickly, refusing to give in.

"Have they given any indication?" Robert asked, shifting on his feet.

John sighed heavily, looking to the clock pinned to the wall. "They're keeping an eye on her. The night set her back a bit, so it's a matter of waiting."

Robert's gaze fell to the floor, and there was little sound aside from their slow sips of coffee and the hospital noises muffled in the distance. John was grateful for the silence; strangely it didn't seem to add to his fear as much.

"I picked up some stuff from yours," Robert said as he pushed the bag with his foot towards John. "I had a feeling you wouldn't take up the offer of going back."

"Thanks, mate," John gave a grateful smile, unzipping one of the pockets. He made a quick check through the contents just for something to do, not paying a great deal of attention, though he was sure that Robert had sorted everything he could need. He looked back up to where Robert was still standing, seeming troubled by something, his hands clasped behind his back.

John's brow furrowed. "Don't keep me in the dark here, Rob. Whatever it is, it can't be any worse."

Robert gave a shrug, his hands unfurling and holding out a sizeable brown envelope.

"This was on the doormat. Maybe I shouldn't have brought it, but I didn't think it should have been a surprise." Taking it into his grasp and noticing the postal mark, John knew instinctively what was inside. "Sorry, I should have left it."

John shook his head slowly. "It's alright. God knows I've been waiting long enough."

His fingers fumbled tearing the envelope, and eventually he pulled out the letter, not surprised by the contents but feeling less happy than he expected to be, considering the situation.

He exhaled slowly, glancing up to Robert and confirming the news. "That's it, then. The divorce is final."

It took a while to sink in. That was it; with one piece of paper, he no longer had any attachments or obligations tying him to a life that he had always regretted. He was a free man, completely free to start his life over, to offer himself up entirely to the one he had given his heart to ever since he had known her. And yet the cruel irony was not lost on him, not as he sat there in that godforsaken place. Waiting again. He couldn't quite believe how bittersweet it was.

Robert had stayed silent observing, sensing the difficulty John was having. He opened his mouth to speak, thought better of it, and after letting out a sigh, finally acknowledged.

"I suppose in any other circumstance I would say congratulations."

John gave a weak smile, turning the letter over in his hands and giving it another look over.

"Well, it's just another thing that we'll have to celebrate later," he replied, his voice betraying the raw emotion he felt.

While Robert left him alone to gather his thoughts again, John placed the envelope down on the chair next to him. He ran his hand over it once before clasping both together, resting his chin on his looped hands. Closing his eyes he offered up another silent prayer, though surely the entire world could hear his thoughts.

* * *

They had been outside the room for the entirety of the afternoon and as it turned to the evening they remained there still, Mary and Cora in the seats beneath the window, Robert and John standing. Many worried glances had been exchanged amongst them, and they all sought the eyes of the young nurse who had come in and out a few times each time she emerged. She simply gave them small smiles in return, which they reasoned could only be good, but still the lack of forthcoming news about Anna's condition was unsettling. John felt as though he had lived whole decades in the space of a day.

At the moment, Nurse Crawley was in the room with Anna, along with the young nurse who could be seen leaning over and making the regular checks that John had become used to observing. He watched closely, studying every little movement, expression and look that was being shared between the two women, a finger held between his teeth as he bit down on it with more intensity.

Mary's heels clicked against the floor as she stood, anticipating Isobel's arrival out of the room. The young nurse followed her, walking briskly down the corridor, and John followed the action with an anxious gaze.

"Well, I have some good news," Isobel clasped her hands together as they collectively held their breath. "Anna has remained stable without any lapses for enough time now. That's not to say she's completely out of the woods as yet," she offered as a warning, which was quickly overshadowed by the next part of her sentence, "but we think she's up to a visitor. I know you would all like to see her, but I'm afraid there can only be one of you."

John felt Mary's hand upon his back, pushing him forward. He looked over his shoulder at her, managing a small smile in thanks as she nodded at him, her eyes glassy.

"I should warn you that she is still unconscious, so it's best not to expect too much," Isobel said gently to John as they stood just outside the door. "And don't be alarmed by the machines. They're doing their job, but hopefully not for too much longer."

John bobbed his head, bracing himself as Isobel pushed the door open to let him through. It was Anna on the other side; however she was, it wouldn't matter to him. The jittery sensation that was stemming from his stomach and flowing throughout his whole body had nothing to do with fear, just anticipation to see her again; to be with her again.

He was immediately drawn into the centre of the room, gravitating to her side naturally. The equipment surrounding her was all but forgotten about; the only thing his eyes could see was her, her flawless beauty so quiet and serene. He let out the breath he had been holding it seemed for hours as he towered over the bed, taking her in again, his eyes tracing her features. There wasn't a single scratch on her face showing any sign of the accident; she was as perfect as she ever was.

John's gaze didn't leave her while he sank down onto the chair by the bedside. He almost couldn't believe how peaceful she looked; she simply seemed to be resting, held in a dream, completely free of any trouble or care. Her hands rested either side of her, so dainty and perfect, just like every part of her. He cast a longing look at the one nearest to him, wanting so much to circle it into his own to reassure her that he was here, right where he always should have been.

He watched her carefully in her stillness, and he allowed a watery smile to drift onto his face.

"Hello, my darling," he began softly, the crack in his voice fading as he willed it to do so. In this moment he had to be her strength, and he wouldn't let her down again. "It's been a while, I know. I had to stay away from you while the doctors were taking care of you. It was probably for the best not to have me around, fussing and being a pain."

He let out a small laugh that echoed painfully in the silence of the room, the low bleeps emanating from the machine at the other side of her a constant. John glanced up at it momentarily, feeling the tear begin to unravel within his soul. Quickly, he returned his eyes to Anna, doing all he could to block everything else out.

"You're giving us all a fright, love. Mary, Robert, Cora and Matthew have been here almost all of the time, keeping me sane but caring about you most of all. I think I've slept for about half an hour, if that. I know you're going to tell me off for that later."

It was so strange to be talking to her and not hear her sweet voice responding back or see her smile light up her face. He had become so accustomed by knowing both in combination that not having the smallest sign of either sent agonising pain charging straight to his heart. She made no movement, aside from the barely perceptible rise and fall of her chest. There was no way on this earth of knowing whether she could hear or understand what he was saying, but it seemed irrelevant to him. He knew that she could.

Almost in slow motion, he reached a hand up to the pillow she was laying upon, fingers suspended in the air before he stroked her forehead with the most delicate of touches. Relief flooded through him when he discovered how warm she felt, wisps of her soft hair like silk beneath his fingertips.

As he continued to stroke back her hair gently, he couldn't stop his gaze from drifting down her body, the sterile white sheets covering her. His other hand moved upon them, needing to soothe and comfort, but he pulled away before he could reach to touch her stomach. Tears were brimming in his eyes with the thought, ever-present, coming forth again. Still, his eyes were settled there, the place where she had been carrying their child, for such a sweet and short time that would always be remembered.

He leaned in closer, near enough laying his head next to hers on the pillow. An uncontrollable tear slipped from his cheek onto hers; he left it to trail for a moment before he wiped it away with the barest press of his thumb.

"I know," he whispered into her ear, sharing the joy and the sorrow she was not yet aware of with her. He didn't even attempt to quell the flow of tears for a few moments, pressing his nose against her hair.

Wiping his eyes with his fingers, needing to gather himself a little, he then let them move down the bed, curling gently with hers. The softness of her skin was a revelation to him once more, a testament to what a wonderful mother she would make. He smiled through their sadness while he caressed her hand gently.

"I was so happy to hear it, love. I'm still so happy to know that you were going to have our baby. You would have been perfect," he uttered, beaming down at her. It took him only seconds to correct himself. "You  _will_  be perfect."

He sighed for a moment considering, a million memories that had already been made flowing through his mind, and every one of them lifting his heart and bringing a smile to his face. They had so many more as yet to make, and he was determined that they would have them all to enjoy together.

"I tell you what, I am so glad I decided to take the train that day."

He remembered how annoyed he had been for the briefest time that morning, the wasted preparation he had made for a meeting that had never come to be. The memory could be seen in his mind as clear as if it was happening again that very moment; him glancing up from where he sat in the packed tube carriage to see her, her breathing quick and her whole being obviously flustered and yet she still possessed such grace and elegance. How he could happen upon the most stunning woman he had ever seen in his life on the Underground, it was still quite amazing to consider.

"I'm glad I plucked up the courage to talk to you, and I'm very glad that you actually paid attention to my ramblings."

His fingers traced over her hand, brushing soft little circles over her skin. A sign of eternity. There had been so many memories lingering for so long, so many things that he regretted, but they all faded with her. He could sense them somewhere looming at his back, waiting to reclaim him from their shadows, and he held onto her a little tighter.

"You once told me that life was short," he breathed out slowly, the terrible relevance of that statement not missed by him. He recalled her saying it to him with so much assurance when they were only just beginning, though he had already been madly in love with her for a while. Knowing she had felt the same had filled him with so much joy, had truly made him feel alive for the first time in so long.

He reached up to stroke her cheek again with the backs of his fingers, not faltering for a moment. "My life only began with you."

 _And it would only end with her_.

The tears began again as his breath shuddered, watching her so intently. Her eyes were still fluttered shut, not closed tight but closed all the same, keeping her from him. He willed every second that the next would be the one that counted, that she would open her eyes and be back with him.

"I'm going to make you so happy," he affirmed with as much confidence as she always had, all the strength that he had taken from her burning within him. "Everything I have, every single thing I do, it'll all be for you. I promise."

His gaze dropped down to the finger on her left hand, still bare. The regret plagued him, and he covered the space with his hand, rubbing over her knuckles softly.

His voice was barely a whisper as it came from his throat, desperately.

"Stay with me, my love. Don't leave me…"

Tears stung his eyes, blurring her face in front of him. Still holding her hand loosely in his, John fell forward in his chair, his face burrowing next to her side. His heavy sobs were stifled against the sheets, yet they could probably still be heard from outside. He was far past caring. His heart was breaking in front of him, already cracking in his chest, to behold her like this, making no response to him. At least he was consoled by the feel of her so close to him again, her warmth offering him comfort like nothing else in the world. Slowly, his shoulders ceased their shuddering, his cries petering out to soft, slightly ragged breathing as his hand covered on top of hers.

The room was near silent apart from the reliable bleeps at the other side of her, keeping track of the time. Whole hours seemed to have stretched out, he wasn't aware anymore. All he knew was that he wasn't going to leave her. It would take a force of nature to remove him from where he was, by her side.

His breathing was steady now, his head nestling a touch closer to her. Yet more long minutes passed by, just the two of them. John had become nearly as still as she was now, his palm stayed resting over hers like it could never be separated.

The movement was so very small and came so suddenly, at first he believed he had simply imagined it. There was nothing for seconds following but then it happened again, a tiny twitch underneath his hand.

At once John moved backwards to take a look with his own eyes, the flame of hope sparking in his heart.

"Anna, love? Can you hear me?"

Again, for a few moments that lasted too long, she stayed completely still just as before. His heart begin to sink, convincing himself that he must have just been hoping too hard. Just as his eyes were about to leave where her hand lay, two of her fingers moved, grasping the covers very lightly but with enough force to show that she was indeed responding.

He was quick to get onto his feet, pure delight becoming his very being.

"Anna! Oh, Anna, my love, you're so clever. That's my girl." He babbled his words, watching her with a huge grin on his face. He knew that she wouldn't give up. There may have been far to go as yet, but she was already starting to pull through, another of her fingers beginning to twitch slowly.

After he whispered words of his love to her, wanting it to be the first thing she heard for certain, he burst out of the room, meeting the waiting eyes with a smile he couldn't contain. Mary was the first to attempt to ask, but his excitement bubbled over before she could speak.

"She's moving her fingers. She's coming round."

Smiles broke out all over as sighs of relief and hugs were shared, the word reaching Nurse Crawley through Matthew. In moments she had rushed through into the room, accompanied by the young nurse who had watched Anna and an older man, who it could only be assumed was Doctor Clarkson. Isobel was kind enough to allow John back into the room while they assessed the quite remarkable turn of events.

The doctor carried out reflexes on Anna, turning to look at Isobel with surprise as she responded to each, albeit much more slowly than normal. The nurse scribbled down notes furiously at the other side of the bed, and right next to her John remained, his body aching intensely with hours of tension but glowing with so much pride as he looked down at her; his beautiful Anna, his miracle. She always had been but now she was proving it, right before his eyes.

His breath caught as he watched her do something he hadn't expected. Very slowly, her eyelids began to flicker, him catching little sparkles of her blue irises here and there. He was the first person she saw, and the relief he felt nearly made him float away.

"Thank God," he said in a whisper, staring lovingly at her face as he stayed by her side. "Thank God, and you."


	29. Chapter 29

Anna stayed staring out of the window, her gaze fixed to the droplets of rain that were racing their way down the pane and the wind-whipped leaves that had come loose and were now sticking to the glass. She was aware of Doctor Clarkson's presence in the room, standing at the foot of the bed appraising her carefully, but she couldn't tear her eyes away from the world outside, so close to her but apparently completely removed. Laying in the bed like she had been for what seemed like an age, she was solid and fixed, and yet strangely disconnected from the moment in time. Worlds away.

It had been just over two weeks now, she had been reassured. The first few days were something of a blur, fragments of lucidness dispersed between much sleep. She had been aware of various doctors and nurses hovering around her, checking every single movement and breath that she had made. They had been concerned that she may have suffered some kind of amnesia; it wasn't unheard of, may have even been triggered some hours or days after returning to consciousness by delayed trauma. But after many questions asked and answers given, there was no sign of that. Anna had been the most relieved of all to know she still had herself and everything that she knew. Nurse Crawley had been very good to her, and had become indispensible in many ways as each day of her recovery had passed. She had been amused to discover she was Matthew's mother, and couldn't help but think it was more than a coincidence. Isobel seemed to delight in telling her over and again what a marvel she was; everyone had been astounded by the rapid progress Anna had made. Indeed, in all Isobel's 45 years of nursing she had never been witness to anything like it, and neither had anybody else in the hospital.

"You're incredibly fortunate, Miss Smith."

Doctor Clarkson's measured voice pulled her out of her daydream, and she turned her head slowly to meet his steely but kind gaze.

"You had a very lucky escape. Really, it's nothing short of miraculous. Aside from the broken ankle, there is no permanent damage caused. And we have checked many times." Flipping over the notes once more, he shook his head in an amazed disbelief. "If I didn't know better, then I would say that you had someone watching over you."

At that, Anna managed a smile. Ever since she had come round and no doubt before she had been aware, there had been someone very close keeping a faithful watch over her. Turning a little in the bed, she locked her eyes with his, catching sight of his wide smile as he sat by her bedside.

Though she hadn't recalled all that much of her first days back, she did know that John was the first thing she saw through her eyes as they fluttered hesitantly. She had been aware of him even before she had regained that particular sense, feeling his hand upon hers, hearing words he had spoken to her somewhere off in the distance of her mind. He had always been there it seemed, his proud smiles getting bigger the stronger she got.

Every visiting hour, every second that he was able, he was at her side or otherwise doing whatever he could for her, though she had no requests at all. She told him that he should be doing other things rather than just staying with her, as much as she loved having him there; he must have been dreadfully behind at work, he could have gone out with Robert for a bit, to get the hospital smell off his clothes if nothing else. He only ever replied with a grin and a look at her with eyes that positively sparkled, affirming that everything was absolutely fine, because she was absolutely fine, and that was all that mattered to him. She knew that the joyful crinkles at the corners of his eyes had replaced the furrows of concern that he had bore for all the time that she had been lost, and underneath it all there still remained traces of anxiety, sorrow and desperate fear not to lose her again. Before he had to go, he pressed a light but meaningful kiss to her lips and promised that he'd come back with yet more grapes, and a bunch of tulips next time to brighten the room.

" _Hopefully you won't need them for much longer."_

He gave her hand a little squeeze where it lay on the covers between them, and she relaxed for a moment.

"We'll give you another check over to be absolutely sure, but I see no reason why we should keep you here much further. I'm more than satisfied with your progress to let you get back into the real world." Lifting his eyes from the board in front of him, Doctor Clarkson looked at Anna, then John, and back to Anna again. "I'll want to see you every fortnight for a couple of months to monitor how everything is healing. But otherwise, you're free to go. I'll arrange all your discharge papers with Nurse Crawley straight away, and you can be out of here by midday."

"That's terrific news, Doctor."

John stood up as if on command, shaking Doctor Clarkson's hand firmly before he left the room. It took a few seconds, but the doctor returned the handshake with gusto, meeting John's gaze before both men brought their focus elsewhere, smiling at Anna.

"I can see that I'm leaving you in capable hands," Doctor Clarkson exclaimed with a cheery rise in his tone, taking his leave and closing the door of the room behind him.

A soft sigh escaped Anna as she shifted her legs beneath the covers, looking out of the window once more, hardly believing that after what had seemed like so long to her but apparently mere seconds to everyone else that she would be able to get out of here and back to her old life. Unscathed, for the most part. She closed her eyes as she took in a breath; the sharp pain hit her suddenly and she was reminded of how tender she still was in that place, although it had to have been largely psychological, she was sure. Yet it made the sensation no less real.

Without thinking she saw that her hand had drifted down over the sheets and was lingering, somewhat hesitant and helpless, held inches away just above her stomach. She stumbled in a drawn out pause before she could bring the tips of her fingers down upon there, and then they were still in the air but no longer isolated as John caught her hand. She gasped as he laced his fingers in the spaces between her own, and her eyes were brimming with tears as she found his own looking reverently at her, his lips kissing the back of her hand softly as he placed her hand still held in his down onto the solidness of the bed.

She could still see the look in Isobel's eyes in the seconds before she relayed the news to her, when she had been fully lucid for a few days. She didn't think she'd ever be able to forget it. It had been unbelievably kind; the level of kindness was what had made her worry. When the words hit her, after moments when they had ricocheted from her body like the impact in the immediate aftermath of the accident, she didn't know what to feel. It was like the doctors had removed the ability from her, along with all else. Straight away the dull ache registered in the depths and she felt it, almost like nothing she had experienced before; the yearning loss.

She found that she wasn't thinking of herself, but only John. The guilt and the shame she felt and the sorrow he had surely been consumed with covered her. She hadn't confirmed it to herself beforehand, but deep down she had known. She had already been aware of her body changing, only little by little. She had known all along, but he hadn't. The chance to tell him had been there every single moment they had been back together, and yet she had never taken it, waiting for some perfect moment that had never arrived. She had been so selfish, guarding it all to herself. It had been his too, but gone before he could even know. She had robbed him of the chance. She couldn't escape from her fault, and she had no right to ever again. How he had been able to be around her and remain quiet, without letting her know of her failing, she had no idea. She had no idea how she had been able to look him in the eyes afterwards.

His fingers moved over hers, and she jerked to look at him again, seeing nothing but devotion in his gaze.  _For now._

"We'd better get you ready, then," John said as he got up again, beginning to gather her belongings that he'd brought into her, not before pressing a kiss to her forehead. "I know the Savoy has got nothing on this place, but it's time you got going."

* * *

It was colder than she had imagined it to be; she shivered in her light mac as her feet got used to standing on firm ground again. Even the rustle of leaves and the wind sounded amplified, and the sound of the car exhaust spluttering from the other side of the car park made her jump near clean out of her skin.

John's hands were on her shoulders immediately, sensing her fear. She turned her head to the side without meeting his eyes and nodded, feeling embarrassed when she realised there was nothing to be afraid of.

She let his fingers rub over the arms of her coat a couple more times before she shrugged away, perhaps a little sooner than he had expected her to. Though he retracted his touch hastily when she moved, he was still waiting behind her back, following her considerately as she began to make her way forward, a little unsteadily.

"If you need to lean on me…"

"I can manage," she cut him short, clutching onto her crutches to demonstrate how capable she was. Seeing him now in front of her and the way he looked at her, she softened immediately. "It's just, I'd better get used to these things, hadn't I?"

John wore a tight smile, not intervening any further but never taking his eyes off her as she ambled across the car park, stopping every now and then to adjust and get her balance back. He seemed proud that she was doing it all by herself.

He had explained before they'd got outside how Robert had lent him his car, that he didn't want her to have to struggle down who knows how many roads as they tried to get a cab. She would only have the very best to go home in, no need to say anymore. It seemed he really had thought of everything, and there was no need for her to.

Having adjusted herself into the front passenger seat, Anna stared ahead of her, at the tarmaced ground and the bumpers of the many other cars in front. She really had no recollection of the moment it had happened, which was a blessing, she supposed. Yet there was a strange sensation that stretched over the length of her body, something she couldn't even explain. It was not so much a mark or a scar, but almost the sense that she was waiting for it to happen again. To experience it properly now, feel the full force of impact. Everything seemed so still; any second now, she envisaged one of the many vehicles dotted around her to move into action, spiral towards her…

"I wanted…" John broke the beginning of his sentence with a little cough. "There was something I wanted…no,  _needed_  to tell you."

It took her a little while to respond. "Yes?"

He began once more, hesitantly, his fingers fumbling upon the steering wheel while the car remained unmoving.

"While you were…you know…before you came round, something came through in the post. I didn't want to say anything until you were back on your feet, because you know the main thing is to get you better, but there's no point in keeping it from you. It's the last thing I want to do."

John paused for a moment, slightly surprised she hadn't interrupted him. Anna could feel his eyes burning into her, and then the remaining words came from him in a rush.

"My divorce is final. Signed, sealed; that's it. I'm a free man at last, Anna."

Her eyes were still aimed straight ahead; her stare was blank as she gave her reply almost robotically, as if she had been told something completely mundane.

"That's good," she said simply, without even thinking.

After a few more moments she finally turned to see him looking at her, his expression awkward and sheepish, and she noticed that he was trying to disguise his shock at her reaction, a little unsuccessfully. Looking into his honest eyes was enough to bring her back, mostly, and she reached her hand out to touch his which had fallen from the wheel into his lap.

"I'm sorry," she said immediately and sincerely, having to hold back lest all of her many apologies come teeming out. "I was just miles away."

He swallowed something away, starting to shake his head. "I shouldn't have…"

"You should," she corrected him, a small smile on her lips. "That's wonderful. It really is." She made her smile consciously a little wider, her hand smoothing over his knee. "We'll have to celebrate, properly."

John smiled back, some of the tension fading from his eyes.

"When you're better," he said, giving her hand a little caress before placing it back into her own lap, planting both of his firmly onto the steering wheel. "There's no rush. I've told you, you're my only concern."

She couldn't help but smile at that, the action feeling more real as a result of his reassurance. Perhaps she was being selfish once again, and somewhere it registered with her, but she had to let the guilty feeling go just then.

"No more delays," John announced, starting up the engine and giving her a wink. "Let's get you back home, Miss Smith."

* * *

She had been back home less than a day, John having stayed over to make sure she was settled back in and could make her way around with a few furniture adjustments, when her mother called, crying her relief over the phone and insisting that she come down for a visit, just to see for herself that her little girl was okay. Anna was expecting John to flat out refuse when she told him about it, wanting her to get more rest, but instead he offered no objection. Her mother was bound to be worried; he had known she had been frantic during the time that Anna had been unconscious. It'd do them both good to see each other, to get the comfort and reassurance for a little while. He even volunteered to drive to Yorkshire and back to collect her to save the train fare, ringing up Gwen to make sure she could come around and sit with Anna while he was away.

Once he returned with Susan in tow, from the moment she set foot in the apartment and threw her arms around her daughter, both of their days and nights were fully occupied. When he wasn't at work, John came back to the apartment. It gave him another chance to get to know Susan better in a mutual bond of concern over Anna, and Anna couldn't refuse him knowing that he wanted to be there, feeling an obligation to fulfil his wishes. However, she was relieved that her mother being there meant that there was little chance for them to be on their own. Truth be told, she had felt a bit strange for the little time they had spent alone together before her mother had arrived, knowing that there was a dark cloud hanging over them that neither had dared to break apart for fear that it would greatly upset the other.

John was the first to try and say something. He settled down the glass of water on the cabinet beside the sofa, watching Anna bring the blanket further up over her as she got comfy for the night.

"I feel guilty that you're the one sleeping on the sofa," he said, not for the first time. "I should be there instead."

"Don't be silly," she shrugged. "I've told you it makes sense. It'd take me all night to get up the stairs with the crutches."

He gave her a half smile, plumping up her pillows and adjusting the fleecy throw over her legs, before pulling back. Anna could tell he was contemplating, his thoughts written all over his face, and she attempted to snuggle down onto her side before he spoke.

"Anna," he said her name with a tiny falter, "we should talk about…"

"Not now," she answered abruptly, laying her head onto the pillow, doing her best to avoid his gaze even though doing so made her guilt double. She just couldn't bear to discover what was lurking there, although he had appeared nothing but concerned just seconds ago. "I need to get some sleep." It wasn't a complete lie.

His sigh was barely audible. "Maybe tomorrow, then."

She had turned onto her side now, so she didn't have the temptation of looking at him.

"Maybe," she said in nothing but a whisper.

Needless to say,  _tomorrow_  never came.

A few days later, Susan made her departure, not before smothering her daughter in hugs and kisses and making her keep promises to call every other night, or at least when she had the time. Anna stood by the door to wave her mother off, with no need for her crutches while John propped her up, an arm wrapped securely around her waist.

She sighed as the door was shut, trying to push down the feeling that was overwhelming her as John brushed his lips against her cheek and then headed towards the kitchen. She realised it was a Saturday and that there wasn't much need for him to be at the office, and she felt her heart sink strangely.

"I'll head out to the supermarket in a bit, get some stuff in for something nice tonight. I can pick up anything else you need too while I'm there."

His voice got closer, and she shut her eyes, willing the buzz against her head to stop.

"Is there anything you want or can think of? Give me just a minute, and I can make a list…"

"If you leave me on my own for five minutes, then maybe I'll be able to think."

She had said the words without thinking, though she couldn't ignore that there had been some intention in them. She realised too late how harsh she had sounded, and regretted her tone when she saw how his face had fallen, almost to the floor.

Anna blinked fiercely, shaking her head. "It's just…don't you think we've been living in each other's pockets this last week? I must be driving you up the wall." She did her best to soften her tone, though she wasn't sure how much longer she could go on covering it up.  _But she had to, if she didn't want to lose him completely._  "I won't come to any harm in here. And if I need to get out, then…I can give Mary a call."

He tried his utmost not to show it, but she could tell that he was hurt. She hated being the cause.

"Well," he said, only a little shakily, "if you're sure."

She nodded, not sure if she could confirm herself.

John shrugged on his coat, asking if it would be okay if he left what he had brought of his there for now. It wasn't much, and he seemed to be radiating that he didn't want to be bothering her for a second longer, if that's what she wanted. Anna nodded again, the sensation within her intensifying instead of subsiding.

He brushed another kiss against her cheek, lighter than the last, said his goodbyes and then was gone. She was left alone, just as she had wished. Peace, at last.

* * *

The morning had been anything but peaceful. Anna had just about made it back down the stairs after having had to turn back around on her first trip to get something else from the bedroom, and narrowly escaping one of her crutches making a getaway. The washing machine was bleeping incessantly from the kitchen to announce that it had finished its load, and the tea must have brewed three times over with the time she had taken. She huffed as she hobbled along the hallway and had just got to the doorway of the kitchen when the doorbell rang. It took her longer than she wanted to manoeuvre her way back around, getting easily flustered by the multiple demands on her attention. Something had to give; the pesky right crutch slipped free from her grasp, clattering loudly to the floor and making her stumble forward, just missing banging her head against the door.

"Oh, bugger it!"

She winched the latch open while still balancing precariously on her good foot, looking less than graceful as she bent down to retrieve the fallen crutch.

"Well, that's a charming way to be greeted."

Mary smiled, looking down at Anna and adjusting her bag on her shoulder to try and help with the sorry sight.

"I've got it," Anna announced, putting the crutch back under her arm and moving to let Mary come through. "You can do me a massive favour and turn the kettle off, though. The washing will just have to wait," she sighed dejectedly; she was hoping to have everything sorted by the time Mary had got there.

"It looks like rain anyway," Mary trilled as she bounced towards the kitchen, holding up her bag by the strap and giving it a little shake. "And don't worry, I have the biscuits."

Anna relaxed as she settled on the sofa, feeling like she'd been on her feet all morning. Mary placed the tray of tea and plate of biscuits down in front of them and Anna had to let out a laugh at the unusual sight, Mary stopping to tut before giggling absurdly herself. They chatted easily; before she could even ask, Mary filled her in on everything that was happening at the office. In her absence, Mary had took on one of the early applicants to the assistant role for a trial run, and Madeleine was proving to be very good indeed. She sighed a bit more when she relayed the news that Cora had persuaded her to give her younger cousin Rose some work experience. The girl sounded rather flighty and lured to the prospect of PR for all the apparently glamorous parties, but it didn't surprise Anna too much – she was young, and it sounded as though she could have some promise given a bit of direction.

Mary poured out the remainder of the tea when there was a lull in conversation, looking at Anna carefully as she sat back and bit around the edge of a chocolate covered biscuit, her gaze far off past her in thought. Mary pursed her lips, putting a strand of her new bobbed haircut behind her ear and placing the teapot back down at just the right angle before she said anything.

"Tony Gillingham called yesterday. He's been keeping me informed, and they've got him. The driver." She added the clarification on, seeing that Anna hadn't really seemed to be listening. A few seconds later, blue eyes met brown ones and Mary gave a little supportive nod of her head. "He has a track record as long as his arm, so there'll be no problem getting a conviction. And of course, you needn't do anything, so there's no cause to worry."

Anna moved her gaze back into the distance for a few moments, looping her hands around her arms in a gesture of self-comfort. She exhaled a short breath and bobbed her head rapidly as she turned to look back at Mary. "That's a relief."

In truth, she wasn't giving the matter a second thought in the seconds that followed Mary telling her, and Mary suspected as much.

"Anna, is everything okay?"

Her friend was looking at her with great empathy and openness, and she knew the opportunity was there if she wanted to take it, but Anna couldn't have confessed all to Mary. It would be a further betrayal and probably the last bit of pressure she could have handled.

"Yeah, I'm just a bit fed up of being stuck indoors, I suppose."

She could tell by her expression that Mary wasn't utterly convinced that was the truth, but she didn't question it any further.

"Well," Mary started as she leaned from the sofa to take a biscuit from the plate, "you'll have to get Bates to take you somewhere special."

Anna shook her head softly. "I think that would give him more to worry about. He wants to keep me wrapped in cotton wool, away from everything."

She smiled a little about John's capacity to be overprotective, now that they had spent a great deal more than a few minutes apart. The contact hadn't been cut off; they called each other each morning and evening, and he would pop round after work, though he kept an eye on his watch and made sure he didn't stay longer than 45 minutes at most, still wary that he may have been suffocating her with his presence. She frowned thinking of that; she didn't want to make him feel uneasy and she did want him around. It was just hard to know that she had hurt him so much, and was not even able to say anything about it. Although of course she would have to eventually. They couldn't live the rest of their lives with something like that inbetween them, but the thought of doing anything and not doing anything simultaneously made her feel so sad and small, and more than a little scared.

Underneath Mary's smile she shrugged the creeping sorrow away.

"I could do with spending some money. This haircut didn't cost a quarter what I thought it would, and that just won't do." Anna laughed bemusedly at Mary as she sprang to her feet suddenly. "I've got the car with me, John won't mind that for a few hours. We need to get you some new shoes to take your mind off that ghastly plaster cast."

She supposed she couldn't argue, and not with Mary of all people once a plan of action was in her mind. As Mary took the teapot and its accompaniments out into the kitchen, Anna composed a text message.

_\- Going out with Mary for a bit. Don't worry – she has the car. Have a good afternoon, I'll see you soon._

Her fingers stilled on the keypad for a moment, feeling a wave of emotion rush up over her as she typed up her signing off.

_\- I do love you, you know. xx_

She was sure he still knew, but she felt the small reassurance was the very least she could do.

* * *

Her sleep had been fitful in the nights where she had been alone, again, and once she had been dragged awake she found that it was impossible to return. The simple fact was the visions she had been plagued with made her too frightened to want to seek sleep again, because they would only get worse, she knew, and she was shaking hard enough already.

At first she had dreamed about being back in the middle of the road, running away from the fate that she couldn't escape. In some of the dreams she could see John on the other side, and she ran as fast as she was able towards him but she could never quite make it, her legs giving way at the last moment, the fear etched on her face as she felt herself slipping, arms stretched out to grasp onto him. She never felt the moment the car hit her, but still she jerked to waking with a start, her heart beating fiercely enough to jump from her chest.

The last couple of nights had been different though; the nightmares had been much worse. In them she had still been pregnant, further along than she had been in reality. She had felt John's arms around her, saw him smiling as they both cradled her swollen stomach. She had been able to hold their child in her arms, see its sleepy eyes open up towards her and her heart melt as she observed that they were the same exact shade as John's. But then out of nowhere, in as much as a split second, something horrific would happen, and she was left with a limp little body in her hands, warmth and life seeping like water through her fingers. Tears stained her face as she heard John's wails of agony, muffled cries and accusations towards her. And everything he said was right.  _She couldn't even look after their baby, couldn't keep it alive. It was all her fault, she was broken, and she'd never be able to repair anything again…_

She leapt out of the bed as if it had been set alight, trembling wildly as she began to pace over the floor and out onto the landing. The air was being snatched from every room and she felt dangerously close to hyperventilating. She was half in a trance as she dialled, her hands couldn't stop shaking.

"Anna?" His voice wasn't as gruff as she had expected it to be when he picked up; it sounded as if he had been awake for hours, despite the time. "Are you alright?"

"I can't…I…," she hiccoughed sharply, shocking herself anew. "Can you…can you come over, John? Please, I wouldn't ask if I…"

"I'll be there as soon as I can."

The phone remained pressed to her ear as she stood by the door, frozen to the spot. A little sooner than twenty minutes later, a soft knock fell upon it and she scrambled forth, fiddling with the lock in desperation.

Her tears couldn't be held back for a moment longer when she saw him in the doorway; it had been a feat to keep them restrained. She fell into his open arms at once, her head burying against his chest which was always so comforting. As she sobbed louder, her arms clung onto his shirt and his hands drifted slowly up and down her back in instantly soothing motions, his face pressing into her hair and placing one or two gentle kisses there.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she wept breathlessly, trying to wipe her streaming eyes with the sleeves of the jumper she was wearing and that hung loose over her – one of his that he had left behind from his stay. Before she could complete the action, John held her to him once more, resuming his tender caresses on her back.

"Shhh, my love," he whispered over again, bringing her closer into his enveloping embrace still, the tips of his fingers curling her hair softly in his hands. "I'm here now, no need for that."

She calmed a little in his arms, shaking a bit less already, holding her head against his chest. They stayed there for as long as she needed, and she thought she might have slipped back into sleep until she felt a rumble against her.

"Let's go inside," he said softly and slowly, hands stroking her waist. "Get you off your feet."

She sniffed and nodded at the same time, clinging onto him unsteadily as he guided her along the way, like she could always rely on him to do.

* * *

Curled on the sofa, her legs laid across his lap, Anna felt better now. Most of the unsettling sensations had subsided; there was still an undercurrent there, but it ebbed away the more she talked and the longer she stayed there, the side of her body brushing his. His steady breathing soothed and reassured her, as did the little circles he was drawing against the wool covering her shoulder and the simple fact that he was there, ready to listen to her.

"They started when I left secondary school, the panic attacks," she confided, resting her head against his arm as she spoke, only the little finger on her left hand quivering involuntarily now. "I didn't know such a thing existed and I thought I was going crazy until my mum made me go to the doctors. And of course, beforehand that terrified me even more. I remember sitting there, my hands shaking, my legs like jelly, and I just wondered what the hell was wrong with me. I'd never felt so scared in all of my life, and I had absolutely nothing to be scared of."

She stopped for a moment as she recalled being young and out of her wits with fear, and she couldn't help but thinking that she was much braver then than she was now.

John's hand came up, his fingers brushing tenderly over her cheek before they tangled in her hair, and she found a bit more resolve from the calm look in his eyes and the steady gentleness of his touch, keeping her anchored.

"It was," she paused again for a second as she realised, " 'a delayed traumatic reaction', apparently. I must have been hanging onto everything from when Dad died, and it only came out then." She thought of how she had struggled for a while at university, when she thought everything had fallen apart just months ago. When she had believed that things had been over for them before. "I can cope and I can adapt, but I'll never be cured of them." She gazed up at him with wide eyes, finding nothing but understanding as he looked down at her with a smile. "Look at the mess you've ended up with."

"You are not a mess," John replied resolutely, holding his palm to her cheek, his fingertips barely caressing her skin. "You are the most beautiful, most wonderful person I've ever known, and you're so brave for opening up like this. I'm so proud of you. I never want you to suffer alone, not when I'm here. Any time you feel like this, you know that I'll be there for you." He stopped for a moment to look deep into her eyes, taking a breath as he did so. "Or, if you don't want that, then that's fine as well. Whatever you need." He swept some of her hair back from her face with the gentlest of touches. "I know I can go a bit overboard, and I'm going to learn to take some steps back…"

She closed her eyes for the briefest moment, shaking her head against his hand.

"No, no," the pleas tumbled from her; she sounded almost desperate as one of her hands pressed to his chest. He continued to hush and soothe her, waiting for her to act in whatever way she wanted. Anna looked at him again, entranced by the tenderness of his gaze. "I've never wanted you to go away, these past days. I felt worse when you weren't here."

She couldn't believe how different she felt now from not even an hour ago; how completely safe she felt with him there. She didn't want to have to rely on him to feel better but right now there was no other way, and she believed it would probably true for all the other bad days she would have from now on in her life. He just made her feel like home and whole again. Seeing the love in his eyes, she felt strong enough to go on and also devastated that she would have to change what she saw looking back at her.

"It was me," she tried to make her voice sound louder and stronger than it was coming out. "It was because I never said anything."

John stayed looking at her, the faintest hint of confusion creeping into his features. He was now holding one of her hands in both of his, circling it completely.

"What was you, my love?"

His voice was so soft, softer than she deserved it to be with the hardness she had shown. She loved to be called that by him, but right now the term of endearment made her want to cry out in despair. His thumb was sweeping tiny, regular strokes over hers.

"What happened," she began again, seeing and dreading the look of realisation in his eyes. "The baby."

His gaze fell from hers for a moment and she felt her heart was going to be torn from her chest. She watched him carefully as he brought her hand that he was still holding up to his mouth and kissed it softly, then squeezed it lovingly in his own. The whimpers in her throat emerged with little crackles as he locked eyes with her again.

"Anna," he uttered her name with ease and reverence, lacing their fingers tighter together. "It was nothing to do with you, my darling. Nothing at all." He took in a breath, shifting closer to her, so close that she felt the same breath leaving him. "It was something that for whatever reason, just happened. If I could take it back…" he faltered then; she could tell that he had placed the weight of the burden unfairly upon himself. "But my love, never think for a second that it was down to you."

She managed a weak trace of a smile as he caressed his fingers over her, his touch so loving that it couldn't have been a lie.

"So you don't think I was to blame?" she questioned with a quiver.

The smile tugged gently at the corner of his lips as he shook his head, cupping her cheeks once more.

"For as long as I am living, you could never be to blame for anything. You are incapable of it."

The tears began to trickle down her cheeks again, and he caught each one, wiping them away with his thumbs. She looked at him looking at her with such care, being everything she needed and so much more, and in that moment, like many others she had spent before then, she wondered about everything that could have been. Everything that  _should_  have still been, if it hadn't been for cruel fate.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I didn't know for myself, not for certain…"

"Don't say sorry," he whispered, guiding his hands over her face, down onto her shoulders, caressing her tenderly.

She followed his eyes, all of his considerate movements. The love he was lavishing upon her combined with the torture still circling her mind was too much too bear.

"It wasn't long at all, it must have been so small." They were the thoughts she had tried to console herself with, to make the overwhelming loss seem easier to handle, somehow. "I suppose it wasn't even a baby yet, not really."

John looked at her then, tipping her chin slightly to fix her gaze to him as he spoke.

"It was our baby, Anna."

The simplicity of his words made her stop, the ache spreading across her chest. There had been nothing harsh about the way he had said it; quite the opposite. As her eyes began to fill again, she could see that he was fighting back the tears too.

"It was part of both of us, and I will love and cherish its memory forever. Just like I will always love you." The smile came back into his voice and onto his face as he didn't stop gazing at her through clouded eyes. "I honestly don't think I've loved you more than I love you now, at this very moment."

She smiled, flooding with relief and pure love for him as she took his words in. The sorrow was still deep within her, but it was beginning to lift ever so slowly with his unwavering devotion, and she knew that she didn't have to question him or herself any longer.

"We'll get through this, and anything else that gets in our way together." He gripped onto her more with his affirmation, his eyes tracing the growing curve of her smile. "Whatever we face it'll only make us stronger. From now on."

She was able to nod her agreement before the pull was too strong, and she collapsed into his arms again, wracking sobs escaping from her once more that she was unable to stop, her throat burning with them. John sunk back into the sofa, taking her with him, holding her close and not daring to let go for one second.

"I'm so glad I have you," she said, the words slightly muffled as she snuggled against his chest.

"Always," he replied without missing a beat, stroking her back, his lips ghosting over her hair. "And you'll never know how glad I am to have you."

They stayed in their comfortable embrace for some time as her tears eventually ebbed away; whole hours could have slipped by, and Anna didn't notice. All that she wanted and needed was John's arms around her, to feel him pressed against her, protecting and supporting her. Keeping her safe, and keeping her loved.

She felt him shift suddenly; a draught hit her as he withdrew from her side.

"Don't leave me," she said weakly, reaching her hand up from where she was still curled.

He offered her a smile that warmed her heart. "Not for a second." She felt a tingle charge through her as she sat up a little on the sofa; she had to admire him as he stood there before her, the finest figure of a man. "We'll both be done in if we stay sleeping there all night."

She gave a little laugh, pointing down at her bandaged ankle and the crutches that rested against the sofa's arm. "I think you're forgetting about something."

"That's no problem," he said confidently, puffing out his chest. "I can manage fine getting you up the stairs."

Before she could think to argue John had swept her up, his strong arms holding her securely in place. He climbed up the stairs with ease, and Anna couldn't help but stare up at him unobserved, her arms looped around his neck, while he guided them through the open door of the bedroom.

"I could get used to that," she remarked as he settled her down onto the bed, curling into the duvet as he climbed in behind her.

"I bet you could." He planted a kiss on the back of her shoulder before laying his head down on the pillow next to hers. She brought her legs up, her back fitting snugly against his chest. His arm curled around her waist and when his hand brushed against her stomach, she held it there firmly.

Neither of them had any further trouble drifting off to sleep.

* * *

Anna finished her cup of tea with a smile pulling at her lips. She remembered that it was Saturday today, and she was very glad of that fact as it meant John could spend the whole day there. Since that night not too long passed she had been relieved of her burden, feeling easier and much more content now. John had stayed round every day for a while following, the length of his stay increasing little by little as each day went by, and it was nothing but entirely natural to her.

Thoughts drifted to and fro in her mind while she lazily washed up, balancing slightly against the sink with her bandaged foot held back. The little frown of concentration faded when she felt arms hug around her waist, wet hair brushing her cheek slightly before John trailed his lips there. The few dishes were quickly forgotten about as she turned to face him, her hands going to his shoulders as she stretched to kiss him quickly.

"No football today?" she asked hopefully, seeing that it was a bit later than he'd usually leave.

"Not playing, anyway," John replied, his brows lifting as he squeezed her hips softly in a gesture of apology. "Rob did mention going down to the pub to watch the match this afternoon."

Anna let out a little groan. "I was hoping we could do something together, go the park or something. It wouldn't take me quite so long to get around now."

He smirked as she pouted out her bottom lip, making the most of those big blue eyes.

"There'd still be time later, it's an early kick-off."

Seeing she wasn't as persuasive as she hoped, she changed her tack. "I could always tag along? It'd be nice to go back there." She thought back to that Saturday that seemed so long ago now, their first proper date, and her eyes sparkled at the memory.

John smirked, a loose wet strand of hair hanging distractedly over his forehead. "If you don't think you'd be bored senseless," he teased.

"I'm learning things. You'd be surprised," she shot back, her hands wandering over his back. "Just give me a bit more time on the offside rule."

"Well, I'm not going to say no to the prospect of spending more time with you."

She smiled at that, before he captured her mouth with a kiss that left her craving more.

"I'm sorry I've been a bit changeable recently," Anna shifted as she leant against the sideboard, cringing inwardly as she considered her moodswings in detail, going from aloof to desperately clingy it seemed in the blink of an eye. "You mustn't know whether you're coming or going."

John only shrugged off her statement, his smile widening as he turned to look at her again. "You've been through a lot of trauma. Not just physical," he stopped for a moment, exhaling a breath when she aimed a small acknowledging smile back at him. "I'd say you're perfectly entitled to be at the mercy of your emotions." He glanced down, another wonderfully cheeky smile lighting up his face in the next second. "Besides, I know by now that it's a woman's prerogative to change her mind every five minutes, if she so wishes."

Anna rolled her eyes good-naturedly at his remark. "I'm not that bad."

"I know you're not, my love." He wandered the short distance back towards her, a finger tapping her nose playfully. "It's like I've said before, I like being with you, whatever."

She let him steal another kiss from her lips, the thought in her head only growing more the longer his mouth was melded to hers and his arms were around her. They both enjoyed the after-effects of their kiss, and then perhaps spurred on by that, the question fell from her tongue.

"How would you feel about being with me all the time, then? I mean, mostly, when we're not at work, or watching football."

He didn't say anything, only letting a grin slowly spread across his face. It certainly wasn't an unfavourable sign, but her stomach was still in knots.

"What I'm asking is, do you want to live together?" she countered, making her meaning explicit, just in case.

"I gathered that," John said, drawing each syllable out deliberately, biting back his smile.

Anna couldn't take much more of the suspense, but she burst out in a laugh. "Are you doing this purposely?"

He bent forward, brushing his lips lightly against hers before kissing her soundly. From that she suspected she had her answer, but still thrilled when he said "Yes" in her ear.

Both wore giddy smiles across their faces as he pulled back, arms circled around each other. Anna was delighted by the prospect; she only wondered why she hadn't ventured sooner, but some things made you realise that opportunities weren't there to be wasted.

"I wonder if there's anything I'll find out about you," John wondered aloud while she was still in a daze from his acceptance. "Aside from the fact that you steal all of the covers. I thought I was going to freeze this morning."

She swatted at his chest lightly, shaking her head but unable to take the grin from her face.

"And I also left you the last two pieces of toast."

John smiled, stretching an arm past her to pick one said piece of toast up by its edge.

"I look forward to learning everything," he exclaimed, letting her brush the crumbs away from the corner of his mouth with her little finger. "Because I know I'll love all of it, and all of you."

And she knew the feeling was likewise.


	30. Chapter 30

Weeks turned into months, the time was flying by so quickly. It had seemed like only mere moments ago that the biggest question she had ever asked anyone had left her lips, and now they were living together. Anna couldn't recall a time in her life when she had been quite so happy.  _Happy_  didn't accurately convey all the wonderful things that she felt. It was just so right, and it had happened at the perfect time. From the first night they spent together, once all the moving had been done – which actually hadn't taken all that long, with help from Gwen and Robert and almost the entire Crawley family – she had felt so settled and content, as though it was the place she had always called home. Lying in John's arms, first as they were stretched out on the sofa and then when they had moved upstairs into bed, she couldn't help thinking that home was wherever he was. The lazy smile that was plastered across her face grew when she contemplated it all. Now they had their very own home, and had it not been for the very real warmth of him lying next to her, she would have thought it was beyond her wildest dreams.

They could have bought somewhere using both of their savings, but it didn't seem to make a lot of sense given that they had two perfectly good residences to choose from that wouldn't require much changing. Plus it meant they wouldn't have to wait to move in, something neither was willing to do once the decision had been quickly made. John left it down to Anna, being the one who had made the bold move to ask in the first place, and it didn't take her too long to decide. In fact, there had been little question in her mind.

Although her apartment was relatively new, she wanted to move into John's place. He questioned her choice a little bit at first, purely on practical grounds – it was further from work for her, didn't it look and feel a bit out of date? – but she quickly batted his worries away, a glow lighting her up when she began to point out exactly why she had come to that conclusion. It had been where they had said their mutual  _I love you_ 's to each other, where they had spent their first morning together. It had been the place where they had made love for the first time, she reminded him with a burst of a blush upon her cheeks, feeling nothing but exultant at the memory. She didn't imagine being anywhere else as they began their life together, and her mind and her heart raced with the thought of all the other firsts that were to occur there.

John smiled as she had come to the end of her speech, his hands fitting on her waist. Anna hummed with happiness while he left a row of warm kisses running along the curve of her neck, her stomach fluttering. It had been a good job that he had been holding her, otherwise she suspected she would have floated away.

"That's that sorted then," he said in a low tone that sent shivers careening over her. Smirking against her skin before he kissed just by her earlobe, his breath was hot against her as he huffed. "You know, it's not too late to change your mind."

She could tell from his voice that he was teasing, and she had a mind to turn around and give him a smack, but instead she smiled wider, bringing his hands further around her front and covering them with her own.

"Never," she uttered softly, craning her head back to rest in the crook of his neck, giggling as she looked at him from such an angle, setting him off too. Once they stopped she sighed with satisfaction, thinking of all the pieces that were fitting together so effortlessly. "I'd do it this minute if I could. I can't wait for it to be us, instead of just you and me."

The two of them together was different from one of them staying over at the other's for a night or two. John was left slumped against the bathroom door waiting for Anna to finish getting ready, a task that seemed to take a little bit longer everyday. She dismayed to find he had left towels trailing through from the bathroom into the bedroom. Anna discovered that John was very particular when it came to arranging the drawers, in every room of the house. He couldn't open the wardrobe door without some soft item of clothing falling out on him, and there was scant space left within there for his own belongings.

Yet they soon became accustomed – or otherwise learnt to put up with – each other's domestic quirks, with both finding them really quite endearing. Together they came up with new little routines and surprises that kept them both on their toes and more than content. Anna had taken to wandering into the bathroom while John was shaving, usually perching herself on the edge of the bath to watch him diligently, but on occasion the temptation would prove too much and she sneaked up carefully, unfurling the knot of his robe from behind so that she could let her hands wander over his chest, fingers weaving in and out of the hair that covered it liberally. She giggled against his growls, and then received her just desserts when shaving foam was smeared across her face as he captured her lips hungrily.

Late of an evening, John would softly knock upon the closed door and then pad slowly into the bathroom, breathtaken by the sight of Anna luxuriating in the bath nearly filled to the brim with bubbles, her hair swept up on her head. The scent of rose and camomile flooded his senses as he lowered his mouth to hers for a brief moment, his eyes enchanted by her as they talked and she gathered the white fluff against one of her hands, the water sloshing softly while she moved her legs underneath it. It cooled off too soon but the heat in the room only grew when she rose up from the bath, in no hurry to cover up her glistening skin. She was ever so cheeky about it, revelling in his reaction, seeing it as payback for the many mornings that he would wander around their bedroom naked and utterly casual, so comfortable were they in each other's company now, all self-consciousness dissolved. It was something she was never able to resist, and the opposite was just as true. His fingers slipped against her skin, momentarily fascinated, before she was lifted into his arms, very much enjoying the blistering kiss he fixed to her mouth that told of all his unstoppable desire for her.

One of her favourite things about them living together was that most nights, given that his commute from work was shorter than hers, she would open the door to be hit with the most delicious of aromas coming from the kitchen, her stomach grumbling louder than it had done at intervals throughout the journey home. He would cook up a storm for her and watch delightedly as she devoured each meal happily, extremely proud at being the master of his domain. She promised that she would take over at least a couple of nights a week, though she knew anything she put together could never compare. The last time she had tried had ended in near disaster and she had been grumpy about it, sulking as John teased her about her lack of skill. Thanks to her stubbornness they had gone to bed that night on a less than harmonious note and the guilt of the silly argument plagued Anna all day as she sat in the office, unable to concentrate on what she was supposed to be doing. She came home that evening ready to spill out all of her apologies as she walked the hallway, but was stopped by her laughter and then her growing arousal when she found him in the kitchen, wearing nothing but an apron and a smile. He certainly knew how to make her forget about any troubles she had. Coming home to him every night, not having to wait to be able to see him, was complete bliss.

They found themselves going out less now, maybe a little because of the increasingly chilly winter nights, but undoubtedly because they had found such comfort and it was infinitely preferable to be curled up with one another. It was the highlight of Anna's week, and John's too, to be cuddled close on a Saturday night, with the lights low and the snacks plenty as they sprawled out on the sofa, legs intertwined. As much as he complained about it, Anna knew that John secretly enjoyed her ritual of watching Strictly Come Dancing, making enough considered comments over the course of the hour and a half that made her giggle with their seriousness. Conversely, she didn't really mind putting up with Match Of The Day later on, admiring some of the footballers in different ways than he did, though of course none of them could compare with how John looked in a kit, or in anything else.

Gwen complained often enough to her, saying that they had already become one of those boring couples who hardly bothered to do anything with anyone else because they were too wrapped up in one another. Anna laughed as she promised her best friend that they'd have a girls' night soon enough, but reminded her that she didn't have much room to moan considering she had let her rent out her apartment with one of her college friends. Gwen shot back that nobody else would take it before her façade swiftly crumbled and she went back to exclaiming her joy about actually living in the place she had envied for as long as Anna had first moved in there.

Letting her friend squeal her excitement down the phone to her yet again, Anna had to laugh to herself.

Everything had turned out for the best all round.

* * *

John's birthday came around quickly, and they made the effort to venture out with Anna planning something special. She had gone to great lengths to keep her plans from him, brimming with pride and excitement at everything she had arranged. It was all she could do to keep her glee from spilling over beforehand, handing over the envelope on the morning of the day itself before he had to leave for work. The look on his face had been greater than any reward when he unveiled them; two tickets for a much anticipated adaptation of a play by one of his favourite writers that had just started previewing in the West End. He had caught her rather off guard with an appreciative kiss, though she couldn't complain, getting lost against him before she revealed the rest of the present. Along with the trip to the theatre she had booked them into a five-star hotel just off Covent Garden for the night. John had been taken aback by the gesture, expressing that he was certainly very pleased but that she needn't have gone to such trouble, especially not when they lived not that far away. Anna soon made him stop with his worries, assuring him that she had wanted to treat him and they could let it be enough, just for one night.

Pulling her scarf further up over her chin and rubbing her hands together to keep the biting cold from her fingertips, Anna grinned to herself thinking of what a wonderful night they had had. They had taken full advantage of the late check-out time and had spent the rest of the morning wandering leisurely around Covent Garden market, taking in some of the street entertainment and getting something to eat, warming up nicely. Now the afternoon was drawing in, the clear and crisp winter skies darkening a light shade of purple as they started to set off from Somerset House, where they had spent a couple of hours walking around.

Anna's eyes had sparked when they arrived to see the towering Christmas tree adorning the entrance into the grounds, the sight absolutely magical and made all the more so by the vast and twinkling ice skating rink that stretched out past it. Families, friends and couples were gliding across it, or mainly stumbling and shrieking, with smaller children accompanied by their parents making the most adorable sight on the smaller rink behind, populated by little plastic penguins and polar bears that helped the little ones stay upright. Their laughter made Anna smile, with only a passing hint of sadness, and she tugged upon John's arm, directing his gaze to all the fun that was going on about them.

"No skating for you," he said only a little bit sternly, casting his eyes down to the metallic purple cane she walked with on long distances, just while her ankle healed fully.

Anna relented, smiling up at the way he was looking softly at her. She settled down on to one of the chairs outside while he went into the café to get them a pot of tea and some caramel fudge cake which she had insisted act as his birthday cake, when really she was the one who had the sweeter tooth. They spent a little while sitting there, talking and looking out at the peaceful, picturesque scene, quite a change of pace from the hustle and bustle of the West End. Every so often their hands would entwine together without them even having to look at each other, and they both smiled at the act, John pouring out the rest of the tea for them to share before it got too cold and they went inside to look at some of the exhibitions before the house closed for the night.

They were walking up past Waterloo Bridge, watching the sun sink lower into the sky even earlier than the night before, Anna's arm nestled in John's as they enjoyed the last remnants of their own quiet conversation, a greater number of tourists and crowds lining the Southbank stretching up towards Big Ben and Westminster.

The little wooden cabins were either side of them, scents of chestnuts and mulled wine filling the air as they passed through the winter market, Anna stopping every few seconds to take a look at what was on offer, something new and intriguing catching her eye each time. From behind her she could hear John sigh audibly, a not-so-subtle signal that he wished for them to walk on. She smirked at the slightly bored look on his face and looped her hand into the crook of his arm again, her breath misting in the air as they picked up the pace. When she looked up again she saw that his expression had been quickly replaced with one of contentment, and she pressed her side against him, catching his eye with a smile.

She slipped her hand into the pocket of his coat as they walked, her eyes caught by the strings of lights that had been set in trees and elsewhere above their heads. They still gave her a childish little thrill inside; she had been captivated by the gorgeous displays that hung in the Covent Garden streets.

"I wish these were up all year round," she said rather dreamily, admiring the soft yellow twinkles shining above.

She felt John sigh out, the movement underneath her fingertips. "Then they wouldn't be special," he remarked, stealing a look himself at the sights that had diverted her attention. "Although, seeing as they're up from the beginning of November, I wouldn't be surprised if they started them in July next year."

Anna couldn't help but show her amusement at his grouchiness, seeing evidence of it every now and then since they had been living together and thinking it made him all the cuter, though she was sure he wouldn't be too pleased that she thought so.

"Oh, come on, Scrooge." He rolled his eyes at her comment and she let out a loud burst of a laugh, then squeezed her hand against him. "It's only for a little while. Where's your Christmas spirit?"

She had an inkling that he wasn't quite as excited for the season as she was, probably humouring all of her giddiness to keep her happy. That was another of his completely adorable traits.

"Well, it's for kids, isn't it?" he replied offhand, raising his eyes at an inflatable snowman that looked as though it had a few too many cups of mulled wine, nearly tumbling into their path.

"I suppose I should take that as a compliment."

John's lips curved despite himself, seeing Anna beaming up at him underneath the shimmering lights, a sheen of mist falling upon her hair.

"Don't forget, I am a grumpy old man after all. Even older now," he huffed with a drawn out sigh. "It's only in keeping with my character."

Anna tutted loud enough for him to hear her; even if he was joking she was having no more of his self-deprecation. She looked up at him, her blue eyes yielding with gentle empathy, doing her best to be as sensitive as she could around the subject.

"You know as well as I do that 47 isn't anywhere near old. At least I didn't make you wear a badge," she smiled, happy when he returned it after a moment of holding back.

They strolled on, sharing a few laughs until they came to the end of the market, heading up towards Westminster to catch the tube back home, holding on tight to each other through the crowds.

"I hope you're not going to be like this all over Christmas," she said, only half-joking. "It's not going to be much fun otherwise."

As of yet they hadn't spoken about whether they'd be spending the holiday together, but Anna had taken it for granted that that would be the case. After all, they lived together now, and that was something most people did after they had had their first Christmas in each other's company. She had what she supposed was a rather sentimental picture in her mind and maybe that would have to alter slightly if John didn't quite share her enthusiasm. For one, he probably wouldn't want to watch cheesy made-for-TV Christmas movies with her in the run up, but she could let that one tradition slide, or otherwise do so with Gwen as she always had done before. But the other things she thought it would be nice for them to share as a couple. There was give and take in any relationship, and she was lucky they were as compatible as they were most of the time.

He turned to her with a smile upon his face, rubbing his hand over the sleeve of her coat.

"I'm not as bah humbug as you think I am," he said, his grin belying his earlier sentiments. "It's lovely for a week or two when it actually happens, seeing everyone, getting into the spirit and all that. But they drag it out for so long now that it loses all meaning. It's less about peace and joy and goodwill, and more about commercialism and how much you can drain your bank balance."

Anna bit back a laugh at his ranting, while agreeing with most of what he said. She looked up at him fondly, admiring his broad figure in the falling light, the way his cap was pulled down over his forehead to keep out the cold but that she was still able to see the burning embers of his irises as clear as day.

"Fair enough," she replied with a little bit of cheekiness and teasing in her tone, knowing that she could push him a little more than most people could without him taking offence. "So long as we can decorate the house a little before Christmas Eve. There is such a thing as taking it too far."

He smiled with his eyes at her, the tell-tale crinkles surfacing to indicate his joy, before he feigned indifference again, not fooling Anna one bit.

"Alright, alright. I'll get down to the shops at the end of the week and get a tree."

He thought he had said the right thing, until he saw a small frown appear on her face.

"Oh no, John Bates," she shrieked with exaggerated horror, unable to disguise her grin. "if you think I'm making do with a plastic tree you are very much mistaken. It has to be the real thing."

John arched his eyebrows, shoulders shrugging with defeat. "You are very demanding, Miss Smith. I don't think I've ever known anyone to be quite like it."

She tilted her head to the side as they came to a slow in front of the stairs leading down into the station. "It's not like I'm asking you to go out into the woods and cut one down with your bare hands."

He had to laugh at that, and felt a little affronted too – he expected that given the materials and half the chance, he'd make quite a good job of it. But then again they did live in London; there wasn't a great need for outdoor survival skills. Her eyes were alight with a fire all of her own, the kind that he cherished. He did love her when she showed that edge of feistiness.

"You know any wish of yours is my command," he replied, bowing in front of her a little as they descended the steps, making her giggle. "But you might want to come along for the ride. I can't risk my head picking out a potentially unfavourable tree for our humble abode."

Anna shook her head, smiling at the way he had started to flail his hands around. "That sounds fair."

As they reached the platform, full of Christmas shoppers with heaving bags, John circled Anna into his arms. She laughed, pulling his cap up momentarily to allow him to kiss her on the forehead.

"I've had a brilliant day. And an even better night." He growled his words purposely thinking of their endeavours hours ago, and the heat grew on Anna's cheeks.

"I'm glad," she replied sweetly, regaining some composure. "As long as it took your mind off things that you don't even need to worry about."

He gave her a little look before his lips curved into a smile, hands running down her sides.

"It did," he beamed towards her, the warmth of his smile making her heart leap. "And you always do, take my mind off all my stupid worries and fears. You make everything better, and I can never say how much."

She suddenly felt shy at his words, thinking she should have been the one to say the very same things to him after the past few weeks. She felt overwhelmingly happy too, catching his hand in hers, conveying all that she wanted to say to him in return in a single look.

"Christmas around the corner already," he remarked, seemingly to himself, before he fixed her with his glowing gaze again. "It hasn't even been a year since I've known you."

Anna let out a breath at that; it seemed strange somehow, that this was the first Christmas she'd had him in her life, let alone with them spending the time together. If she believed in such things, she would have sworn that they had known each other in a former life to be this comfortable with one another so soon.

His eyes were intent upon her; she felt that same feeling she'd experienced all those months ago surge up, leaving her dizzy and delirious and blissfully happy.

"Time flies when you're having fun," she said, furling her fingers against the collar of his coat. "And so much more than that."

He smiled at that, pulling her closer to him, brushing his lips against hers for a happy moment. They let the kiss linger a little longer before coming back to earth, eyes opening slowly.

"How can I not love it when I'm with you?" he said softly against her ear, the imprint of his lips leaving a smile upon her skin. "Because of that, I know I'll have the best Christmas to date."

Anna couldn't help but beam; she knew the magic would have its effect.

* * *

"Oh, for God's sake…"

Groans and mutters came from John at an uncountable rate, the previous statement one of the tamer offerings amongst words that were far more choice. The string of lights were coiled around his feet and he grappled with them heroically, despite the fact that they were hell bent on tripping him up before he fixed them onto the branches. It hadn't been the first pitfall that day; for a while it had seemed doubtful whether the tree would actually make it through the door, seeming to have grown in width by the time they'd got it home. It was a feat of endurance to get it inside but he had somehow managed it, and now it was onto the next stage of the obstacle course without even stopping for a cup of tea.  _Best to get it done in one go_ , he had argued. Now the frustration was starting to show as the dainty lights slipped from his large fingers, seeming to refuse to stay in place anywhere they were held.

From where she sat on the sofa and cradling a mug in her hands, Anna found it impossible to stifle her giggles, quickly met with an unimpressed glare from John.

"You can come and have a go, if you'd like," he offered, holding a strand of the fairy lights out in his hand towards her.

Anna shook her head firmly. "We agreed, I'm in charge of the baubles," she intoned cheekily, giving him a sweeter smile while she admired his work. "Besides, you're doing such a good job, I wouldn't want to stand in the way."

John gave her a roll of his eyes and a small smirk before he huffed loudly, returning to the task in hand.

Having rooted through the cardboard box of decorations laying next to her, Anna sighed contentedly, tearing her gaze away from John as he twisted this way and that around the huge tree. She picked up the few cards that were on the table, taking them one by one from their envelopes. One had already been opened, rather messily, and she pondered the scrawl inside the card carefully.

"Who are Patrick and Niamh?" she asked aloud, thinking that she might have had an idea already.

John reappeared from behind the tree, keeping his concentration focused. "My younger brother and his wife. They're up in Cork. Always one of the first to arrive every year."

Anna smiled taking in the handwriting. From its neat, cursive style she imagined that Niamh must have been the one to write out the cards, but the message was very much that of a cheeky but loving brother. She wondered, briefly, whether she would ever get to meet his brothers, or any other members of his family. If he was anything to go by, she could only imagine that the family he had come from had been wonderful, no matter what troubles might have come and gone over the years.

She looked up from the card to see a hint of regret passing over John's features.

"Every year he always says that I should come down the next year, and I reply and say yeah, sure. But it's one of those things…" he glanced down at the floor, a hand passing through his hair as he sighed. "I'm never a hundred per cent sure that it's not just an empty gesture, something you say at this time of year because you're obliged to. I mean, knowing Pat it's not, but I don't know. How do you know whether too much time has passed?"

Anna's face crumpled as she looked at him, clearly hurting still about the loss of contact with his brothers. He didn't deserve to be carrying such guilt around with him, not when so much of it hadn't been his fault.

"I'm sure they both have let it pass under the bridge years before now," she said softly and soothingly, smiling wider when his eyes flickered with hope up towards hers. "You don't have to make any promises, but maybe you can think about it properly for next year?" Her eyebrows curved upwards as she considered, being slightly cheeky but knowing that he'd take it in the best way. "I have always wanted to go to the Emerald Isle, you know."

The weight relaxed from his shoulders and a winning smile eased across his face. Though he said nothing more on the subject, Anna had a feeling that she'd been able to reassure him, if only just a little.

Spurred on by a new burst of determination, John finally got the better of the lights, and it seemed that in no time at all they were secured onto the tree, already looking prouder for starting to have been appropriately dressed. Anna giggled as he strolled over to the sofa, very chivalrously offering her his hand to pull herself up while she held the box containing the baubles under her other arm. Together they started to hang them onto the branches, John leaving most of it to Anna as she had insisted so fervently but concentrating on the top reaches where she wasn't able to get to, even on tiptoes. Anna was aglow with the cosiness of it all, getting their house ready for Christmas while the fire roared across the other side of the room, and she couldn't stop smiling about it all.

"Rob was asking about Christmas Day," John broke the comfortable silence that had settled between them, threading decorations around the top of the tree. "I assume that my usual offer to go around for the whole day still stands with him." Anna could feel his eyes rested upon her, and she was fighting back her smile as she tried her best to focus on what she was doing. The silence slipped back for a few moments before he continued. "Do you know what your family are doing for Christmas yet?"

She met his eyes swiftly, slightly taken aback with the spark that seemed even stronger between them at this very second.

"Mum is off on a cruise from Christmas Eve, and she's taking Sam with her," she twisted the gold thread from the bauble she was holding around her finger, causing her skin to turn redder by the second. "It's Beth's turn to go to Stuart's family, and I think she's staying there until New Year. So," she paused to take a deep breath, "I suppose that leaves me homeless."

Anna looked up to see John smiling at her, a slight blush visible upon his cheeks.

"That makes two of us, then," he replied, his tone rising to finish his sentence.

"How very convenient."

They shared a smile with one another, with no further questions that needed to be asked or promises made. Even despite everything, the huge commitment they had already made by living under the same roof, Anna felt her insides do somersaults. She'd get to spend her favourite day of the year with the man she was madly in love with, for the first time since she had known him. She couldn't have imagined anything better; already, it had even seemed to surpass the Christmas she had got a Barbie dream mansion when she was eight years old. She laughed at the thought, glancing up to see that John was wearing a mirror image of her smile, though she imagined his may have been marginally less daft.

"I'll have to let Rob down gently," he remarked with a little smirk, "He'll be gutted we won't be able to duet on karaoke, although I don't know if I can say the same."

"Oh, I can't miss that," Anna exclaimed, a mischievous smile curving her lips. "Mary said they'll all be round for the evening, so maybe we can pop along then."

"Is the prospect of spending a whole day with me that bad you'd go to those lengths to get out of it?" John questioned, making Anna's attempts at keeping a straight face useless when he waved a finger at her with a woollen snowman bobbing from it.

"Of course not. I'll just be sad that I won't get to see you do your thing on the microphone, never having had the pleasure before." She wore her best pout and puppy eyes, before she couldn't resist cracking into a smirk. "And who knows," she purred a little seductively, "I might just do a little show in return, if you're that good."

With that, John's expression swiftly changed, and he couldn't stop himself from slipping behind her, giving her waist a soft squeeze. Anna hummed her contentment at the contact, angling her hips further into his palms before pulling back, giving him a smile over her shoulder before she returned to bringing the last few decorations out from the box.

She spotted the silver tissue paper at one of the corners, and her heart sunk a little with sadness when she brought it into her hand, remembering what was inside. Anna unfurled the paper gently to reveal the delicate little hand-crafted snowflake, pure white brushed with silver. It had stood out to her from one of the cabins they had passed in the winter market a few days back; somehow, it had brought back thoughts and briefly-made memories of their baby, though they were never far from her heart. She had had a compulsion to buy it; she didn't want to push it to the back of her mind, it would help them both to remember, though they would always have each other's support.

He must have heard her sigh, as John's arms came around her again as she balanced the small decoration in her palm. Anna glanced around to see his slightly sad smile, knowing that he knew. She leant into him as he pressed a long, soft kiss to her cheek, tracing the snowflake with a finger.

"The two of us, for now," he uttered softly to her.

She smiled as she placed the little snowflake pride of place on the tree, and then found her way back to John's arms, hugging close and grazing her lips against his.

"And it'll be perfect," she said with all the certainty in the world.

* * *

Christmas started at seven o'clock on Christmas Eve, when Anna finished work for the holidays, finally. She had been back for just over a month and despite taking it a little bit easier, as everyone around her wished her to do, December was always the busiest time of year and it felt like she had to cram three months of planning, preparation and execution of events themselves into two weeks. She closed the door with a heavy sigh of relief, nearly slumping to the ground with exhaustion. John had been ready to catch her, coming into the hallway with a smile and a pair of her fluffiest slippers in hand, which she made a fervent grasp for.

After having her bath and something to eat, they curled on the sofa with more snacks.  _It's A Wonderful Life_  played out in front of them, Anna snuggling a little further into John's arms and wiping away a few tears at the same parts that always made her cry. She expected John to smile at how silly she was being but as his embrace tightened around her she looked up to see that his eyes were misty too.

They remained on the sofa for a little while after the closing music had played. Shifting herself, feeling John's hand on her shoulder and then in her hair, Anna grinned. She was feeling much more festive than she had been only hours ago, stressing about whether everything was ready for an important client's New Year's party. The clock was edging closer to half past eleven and she could have stayed there all night.

"Do you have any traditions that I should know about for tomorrow?" John's voice was low in her ear, his arm held around her still.

"Nothing out of the ordinary," she replied, her head lolling comfortably against his shoulder. "Presents first thing, before dinner; no waiting about. But we were always allowed to open just one before going to bed on Christmas Eve."

In the next moment she was on the edge of her seat with excitement, remembering the ritual that came from her childhood. The soft glow from the tree and the lights from the garland hanging on the fireplace were the only things illuminating the room and Anna scrabbled forward on her knees beneath the tree, picking out a present each for them.

She was shaking the little box she had chosen for herself curiously while John tore the paper from his. Anna began to laugh at the look on his face as he held up the socks in his hands.

"Well, you can never have too many," she got out between her giggles, and John soon relented, a smile coming onto his face as he noticed the Manchester United crest on the reverse. He turned his attention to watching Anna as she struggled to get into the wrapping, and then unfurled the box carefully when she had succeeded.

She gasped at the pearl and diamond earrings, a beaming smile lighting her face.

"I hope they're the right ones," he said with slight trepidation in his voice, washed away when she aimed the beautiful smile towards him.

"They are indeed," she exclaimed, pleased but not at all surprised that John had taken notice of the way she had been gazing into the window of the jewellers repeatedly when they had passed. "Thank you so much."

Sinking her fingers into his hair, causing a muffled groan to emerge from him, she met his mouth in a kiss that spoke of passion as much as it did gratitude. Their tongues danced delicately with one another before John took her forearms into his hands, bringing it to an end a little breathlessly.

"Come on, we can't get carried away," he said, earning a look of confusion and frustration from Anna. He ran his thumb over her bottom lip, smiling. "There's all the excitement of tomorrow to come yet. And we wouldn't want to be caught by Father Christmas."

Anna erupted into laughter, standing from his lap and taking his hand into hers. John followed her without any further persuasion, guiding her steps up the staircase as their hands remained entwined.

"Okay then. But my mum and dad made us go to bed early every Christmas Eve, and it never made the morning arrive any quicker."

Any other words she could say were stopped short by the look in his eyes, burning like candles in the darkness.

"Patience," he uttered simply, brushing his lips with hers before they climbed into bed.

Not many hours later Anna lay wide awake, tingles of anticipation gathered in her stomach. It was silly, she knew, but it seemed she would never grow out of the excitement of Christmas. At least the light that was inching its way into the room told her that it wasn't ridiculously early, and she took her fascinated eyes from regarding John peacefully half-slumbering to take in the time at the bedside. Half past nine: that was quite long enough; she'd been alert from at least seven. She leaned up from the bed, placing a soft kiss on John's forehead, hearing him mutter as he came around properly.

Anna was out of the bed by the time he had blinked himself awake, leaving a draught climbing into the warm space she had vacated. John wore a sleepy, amused smile looking at her hopping on the spot, hair bouncing about her.

"Don't I get a kiss first?" he mumbled hoarsely, smiling when she came back over, pressing her lips to his for a kiss that was wonderfully languid and not at all rushed.

"There," Anna said with delighted dreaminess in her voice. He had enough time to savour the feel and scent of her, contented from sleep but with a special charm about her that came from being so thrilled. She was tugging his hand out of the covers with impatience, and he couldn't drag it out much longer.

He got into his slippers and robe, regarding Anna as she stood by the door like a coiled spring, not wanting to go down without him.

"Breakfast first?" he quipped teasingly, which only drew forth dejected mewls from Anna. He laughed, kissing her again, moulding against her, before he linked his fingers with hers, throwing the door open. "Lead the way," he smiled, her enthusiasm utterly infectious and making him feel like a child again too.

All of the presents were opened, taking more time than John had expected given Anna's previous seeming ability not to stay still for more than ten seconds. Anna stuffed the wrapping paper that was strewn across the floor into a couple of carrier bags as John prepared breakfast and they enjoyed it happily, Anna's appetite having grown from all the energy she had expended. He warned her not to have too much, saying she would need to save room for the feast he was planning for dinner, the turkey already in the oven and creating a delectable smell around the kitchen.

Anna sneaked a couple of chocolates from the tin before she went to change from her pyjamas. Standing on the first stair, she watched John putting on a jumper, a cardboard box laden with goods at his feet in the hallway. She had noticed it piling up over the last couple of weeks and she wondered exactly what it was for. Before she could enquire, he fixed her with a smile, hefting the box into his hands.

"Mrs Berry next door," he explained, and now it seemed obvious. "Her husband died the year after I moved in and ever since then I've made up a little hamper. It seems the least that can be done."

John was nearly knocked from his feet by Anna rushing forth, craning to leave a sound kiss upon his cheek.

"John Bates, you are an utterly wonderful man," she exclaimed, pride glowing upon her face. Anna couldn't fail to notice that he had started to burn red with her attentions, smiling modestly at her as she rocked back onto her heels.

"I'm glad you think so," he mumbled, appearing completely adorable before he made his way out. "Now keep an eye on the potatoes, make sure they don't get burnt."

Anna nodded with a smile; that was one aspect she thought she could manage.

When he arrived back, nothing had burnt down or boiled over but John had to work hard to take hold of his faculties when he was greeted with the sight of Anna in a dark blue, figure-hugging lace dress. She smiled when she beheld his captivation, looping her arms around his neck and kissing his astonishment away. Reluctantly he went back to the task at hand, barely stopping the sighs from leaving him as Anna sashayed away to set the table, dancing a little and singing along to Top of the Pops on the TV. As he started to bring everything out, he smiled to see that she was wearing a headband with a tiny top hat to the side and was turning over a gold glittery bowler hat in her hands. He laughed it off, stooping to her height so she could place it on his crown, and dismissed the remark she made about it being better than most of the regular hats he owned.

Dinner was indeed a feast; Anna held her hands over her stomach as she made her way through the last roast potato on her plate, wishing she would have worn something a little less restrictive. Just to her left side John looked very pleased with his efforts, already remarking of all the things he could rustle up with the leftover turkey that would keep them going for days. She couldn't do much more for a little while except smile at him and say again how delicious it had been. He shrugged off her compliments, commenting that he was glad it could match up to the rest of the day for her.

After what seemed like an age, Anna made to get up from her chair with the intentions of washing and tidying everything away. John held his hands out towards her, signalling for her to stay where she was, while he dashed up and into the front room. Anna turned around as best she could to follow his movements but couldn't quite do so, and she was pleasantly surprised when she saw him come back holding a sprig of mistletoe.

"Irish tradition," he said as she looked slightly puzzled. "After Christmas dinner, you'd get the mistletoe and kiss whoever was at the right hand side of you. It wasn't fun if it was one of your old uncles, I can tell you that much."

Anna giggled, thinking it seemed rather daft and unlike anything she'd ever heard, but then who was she to argue with tradition? They'd observed enough of hers, after all.

"And would you look at where you're sitting," he near enough growled, and she tried to prolong the waiting for as long as she could, but his lips were on hers before she could think any more, slow and insistent at first but then growing in intensity. Anna sighed into his mouth, grabbing at the hair at the nape of his neck as the kiss deepened and she surrendered to it completely, the most wonderful shivers surging through her body.

John's tongue teased across her bottom lip before it came to a close, leaving her in a bit of a daze. Opening her eyes she saw that he was fighting hard to bite back a mischievous grin. She gasped when she realised, the shock not quite as effective when she had enjoyed it so much.

"John Bates, you cheeky beggar, you were having me on!" she shrieked, beginning to laugh when he did the same. "There's no such thing."

He shrugged his shoulders, looking sheepish for a moment.

"I didn't think you'd question it," he smirked, his free hand moving over her knee languidly. "And who says we can't start some traditions of our own?"

Anna narrowed her eyes at him, snatching the mistletoe from his grasp and holding it out of his reach, slowly smiling when she relaxed, leaning back towards him and tracing her fingers over his jaw.

"As long as I get the next kiss, then I'll agree to it."

* * *

Anna sank with a sigh against the pillows, leaning against the headboard of the bed. In the dim light that was coming from the bedside lamp she watched John perched at the end of the bed, his back rippling as he craned down to take off his shoes and socks. She wiggled her toes that were aching a little bit against the brushed bedsheets, tired but happy from the day that had just been.

They'd just about managed to tear themselves away from each other and the comfort of the house to make it out and round to Robert and Cora's for the evening for the Crawley family's annual Christmas Day gathering. It was just the immediate family, and Robert made a point of clambering on John as they got through the door, lamenting about how it hadn't seemed like a proper Christmas without him there, him being as good as part of the family. John had turned to Anna and commented that Robert must have been at the sherry, before returning the gesture by getting his best friend in a bear hug.

They had been back for about half an hour, being as polite as they could to Cora when she insisted that it was fine if they stayed for the night, that room could be found somewhere. Both shared a secret smile with one another, knowing that they wanted to see out Christmas Day the same way as they had started it - just the two of them.

John was on his feet now, unbuttoning the top buttons of his shirt. He caught her smile as she tilted her head to the side, knowing instinctively what the laughs starting to teem from her were about. The look he gave her wasn't enough to stop her, shaking under the duvet that she had pulled up around her while she wiped the tears from her eyes.

"I'll never be able to hear that song in the same way again," she spluttered between her giggles. "Was it Rob's choice to do  _Don't Go Breaking My Heart?_ "

He wrinkled his forehead, shaking his head at her laughter.

"I think we gave a rather fine rendition," he said puffing out his chest proudly, untucking his shirt from his trousers. Lowering his voice, he turned back round to meet Anna's amused gaze in the next second. "Just that it doesn't go further than these four walls."

"You know you can trust me to keep your guilty secrets," she smirked, running a finger over her chest to cross her heart. His smile held her captivated, and she had the urge to kiss it from his face except that she was far too comfortable to move. "What a night it was," she yawned, the day's activities catching up with her for a moment as she stretched out in the bed. "I can see why you enjoyed it so much all these years."

John gave her a look as if to say 'not as much as I enjoy being with you', beaming towards her.

"Nobody can ever say the Crawleys don't know how to do Christmas," he exclaimed, and then frowned a little while he removed his belt. "Though they should give the charades a rest. I thought we'd be there until next Christmas waiting for someone to put Mary out of her misery."

"You try acting out  _Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind_ ," Anna replied, stifling a further giggle when she thought of how Mary had nearly gone mad during her very long turn.

John chuckled too. "Tom told me that he'd picked it out purposely, just to wind her up."

"Silly chump," Anna laughed, burrowing herself further against the propped up pillows.

John heard her let out a prolonged sigh and he turned around from where he stood facing the wardrobe to see what the matter was.

"It's stupid of me," she said before he could ask anything, shrugging her head upon the pillows, stealing a look at the alarm clock beside her. "I'm like this every year, I always get a bit sad when Christmas Day is over." She looked unbelievably cute to him with the sorrowful little pout upon her face, although it faded and changed into a smile the longer she kept her eyes locked with his. "And this year I'm even sadder than usual, because today has been wonderful."

The smile that was in her eyes melted his heart; he had felt exactly the same, it hadn't been just one of the best Christmases he had had, but one of the best days he could recall too. To spend the whole day with her, this gorgeous and amazing woman who had brought so much joy into his life without even knowing what she was capable of, it made it all the more special.

He stood for a few moments with his hand on the top drawer of the cabinet, not quite sure what was making him hesitate. Probably because in his mind, in all of his imaginings that had grown of late, this scenario wouldn't have come to him at all. The more he turned it over, the more it seemed to make sense to him. The feeling of certainty settled within him, as well as a terrific bout of nerves, and he smiled at himself in the mirror out of Anna's sight, opening the drawer and seizing the box in his palm.

She began to groan softly again while he took a deep breath, gathering himself and talking himself through it.

"What's taking you so long?" she asked, the need for him coating her voice heavily. "Come and get into bed. I'm starting to feel quite lonely."

"We can't have that," he said, unable to keep the smile from his voice. Turning round, he couldn't fail to notice how beautiful she looked completely natural and free from make-up, her hair tumbled on her shoulders, wrapped in the bedcovers. "I just realised, completely foolish of me, there was a present I forgot to give you. I was looking for something else just now and came across it, I don't know how it could have slipped my mind."

He fought desperately to stop his smile becoming any wider just for the moment, but it was a feat.

"You've spoilt me so much already, you should save it." Anna told him off a little, though the look of intrigue and eagerness in her gaze said that she wasn't willing to wait for another time to find out what it was.

"I didn't even have time to wrap it properly, I'm sorry."

"It doesn't matter," she smiled at him, tilting her head before she took up the box from his hands carefully. His thumb stroked over her hand and she looked at him, trying to second guess what could possibly be inside. Not willing to give anything away, John simply smiled back at her, struck again by how stunning she was, and how he was the luckiest man on earth to be with her.

It seemed like she prised open the box in slow motion, and John watched carefully as her face contorted with so many different emotions. She was gazing down at the ring, speechless thinking about how beautiful it was.

"Oh John, it's…"

She stopped almost as quickly as she begun, the realisation coming across her. John felt like his heart might have stopped waiting for her to meet his eyes again. His hands were shaking and his mouth was so dry it was like he had swallowed a desert.

"Mr Bates," he shivered to hear her using his formal name at this moment in time, "is this a proposal?"

Anna gasped in a breath to find her question answered without words, as John was down on one knee at the side of the bed next to her. The smile came naturally to her face, and much to her surprise, she began to giggle.

"That wasn't quite the reaction I was hoping for," he said, a little chuckle sounding in his own voice as he stayed looking up at her.

"I'm sorry, I just…I…wow…I…,"

Words were completely lost to her and instead she kept her gaze on John, feeling his fingers sweep over her hand gently as he intervened.

"Anna, words can't begin to describe the way I have felt since the day I met you. God knows I've tried to come up with them, in so many different combinations, but nothing I can say can ever match up to the way I feel about you."

He smiled as he linked his fingers in hers softly for a few moments, hearing her begin to sniff back tears. He felt bad that he was making her cry, but it was for the best reason there could possibly be, and it was getting hard for him to hold back all of his emotion too. Looking up at her, he saw that she was wearing the most beautiful smile he had ever seen in all of his life.

"You have changed my life, completely. I can't even remember how things were before you, and I never want to know life without you. These past few weeks, being with you, beginning to make our home," his voice started to crack a little and he was glad for Anna's dainty hand brushing over his, giving him all of her strength and conviction as usual, "I have never been happier and I have never known anything more perfect. You are absolutely perfect anyway, but to me…you mean the world."

She was holding her other hand to her mouth, covering her breathtaking smile. When it was revealed to him again, he had never felt so alive. Her eyes were sparkling brighter than a million stars.

John took another deep breath to fill his body, studying the unbelievable way her hand fit so perfectly in his before he looked back up at her.

"If you let me, I will spend the rest of my life making you as ecstatically happy as you have made me."

After so long staying silent, beyond her own nature, Anna spoke softly.

"You have already made me so."

John couldn't stop a tear falling from his eye now; he would never be able to fathom how she had been made so very perfect.

"I suppose what this is leading up to, is to say that if you were to do so, you would do me the biggest honour there could ever be by saying you will be my wife."

Now that he had said it, they both erupted into smiles that were wide enough to split their faces. Though there was the overwhelming urge to take her into his arms and kiss her until time came to an end, he had to ask properly.

"Anna May Smith," he said, smiling with every breath he took, "will you marry me?"

Anna was unable to resist, bringing herself forward to kiss him with so much sweet tenderness that he thought it might have vanished him.

"Yes," she said, nodding her head to affirm her answer all the more as she pulled back, "yes, of course I will. I have dreamed of this for so long."

She was barely able to hold back the tears of joy as she let John take her left hand, his fingers trembling slightly as he slipped the ring onto her finger. It fit perfectly, and she almost couldn't believe it; already she felt changed beyond compare.

Smiling at her, he rubbed his fingers over the dainty band, before his hands slid up to her face, hazel eyes bound to blue ones.

"Oh love, you've made me the happiest man alive."

He crushed his lips softly onto hers, enveloping her in another breathtaking kiss, letting himself fall into all of her wonder.  _His Anna, his fiancée._ He was almost unable to believe it was all real.

John was almost laid out the length of the bed now, and Anna giggled at the sight of him draped across the top of the covers. Neither was unable to stop staring at one another, or smiling at each other.

He shifted himself to sit up next to her, holding her hand in his, the cool metal of her engagement ring pressed firm against his skin. The moment had passed so quickly, though they were still caught up in the afterglow of it, and likely would be for a while.

"That probably wasn't the most romantic way of doing it," John chortled, completely lost in the beauty of her eyes. "I swear, I did think of many other, probably far better, ways."

Anna was shaking her head softly, her hand gliding across his cheek.

"I know they wouldn't have been better," she said sincerely, the clear blue of her irises bathing him. "This is exactly where I wanted it to be, right here. Because this is how I want the rest of our lives to be. In our home, with each other. With so much more to come."

John could do nothing but smile at that, sharing the sentiment wholeheartedly and thinking again of how right she always was, amazed by her every single second.

Yet neither of them could have guessed how wonderful this Christmas would be.


	31. Chapter 31

If it had been hard for her to get to sleep the night before, in the hours that had just come and gone it had been near on impossible. She had drifted, her head filled with dreams that were firmly rooted in reality, and now Anna was roused, burrowed snugly beneath the covers, an instinctive smile spreading across her face.

Next to where her head lay on the plump pillow, she held her left hand, adjusting her fingers so that she could get a clearer view of the band that rested there. Knowing that it was upon her was enough, but glimpsing it gave her an entirely different feeling altogether. The two small diamonds glinted even in the faint sunlight that was shrouded by the closed curtains. In the hours they had spent laying in one another's arms, Anna's head pillowed on his chest, just talking in the dark and the inner glow of their contentment, John had revealed that the ring had been his mother's, passed down from generations. He had held onto it, believing the tradition would be broken without him having anyone to give it to. As she curled closer to him, inhaling his scent and taking everything about him in, she smiled to feel his mouth meeting her ear.

"Then there was you _,"_  he had whispered, so tenderly and full of emotion that it brought tears to her eyes. She wouldn't have traded anything in for the world; this wonderful man had become her world, and she couldn't be happier or any more in love. Yet there was so much more to come for them, and so many more ways that she could fall completely in love with John Bates that she wasn't even able to imagine yet, but the mere thought made her radiate with joy.

In the quiet of their room she wondered if he was yet awake, though she could feel the warmth of his body, a marvellous comforting heat transferring from his naked skin to hers. She smiled and sighed against the pillow when she registered the tips of his fingers trailing softly up and down her back, so soothing. Anna was purring like a cat as he continued his touches, and then began to yelp when one of his hands clamped against her side, tickling her mercilessly. His low chuckles coupled with her delighted giggles within their little cocoon, and she managed to wriggle herself round to face him.

Anna's breath hitched in her throat for a moment or two; it was an effect she was all too aware of now. She loved the sight of him at any minute of the day, but there was something about him first thing in the morning that she absolutely adored. His gorgeous hair mussed upon his head, his glorious covering of chest hair peeking out from beneath the covers. Those utterly entrancing hazel-green eyes coming to life, still left with traces of sleep that spoke of a happy and peaceful night. If he had slept really well there would be faint creases left imprinted upon his cheeks, and she always had the urge to trace them with her fingers. Often she didn't fight the urge at all, making her moves for a little while before he'd still her, kissing the pad of each of her fingers in turn. One hand was always cradled at her hip, stroking softly, as if he still couldn't quite believe that she was there beside him.

She drank the sight of him in, and after a quick and sweet kiss to greet the fading morning and one another, they lay with heads mirroring each other on their pillows and blissful smiles on their faces.

"Did you sleep well?"

John spoke gruffly, his hand slipping from her hipbone and linking with hers underneath the covers. His fingers ran over and lingered on the ring he had carefully placed there only hours previously and Anna could keep him there forever. He wasn't just her boyfriend now, and she always wondered whether that sounded a little silly, even though she loved it and she was sure he wasn't exactly averse either. He was her fiancé. Just saying the word to herself in her head made thrills gather in her stomach, shooting out across her.

"Not too badly," she drawled, not being able to stop herself from staring into his eyes. She didn't care if she never slept again so long as he was by her side. "I think I might still be in a self-induced food coma from yesterday."

He chortled, squeezing her hand and then drawing his fingers softly against her stomach, making Anna gasp and then smile as his palm settled there.

Though neither said anything other than speaking through the way they looked at each other, the sensations surrounded them. Excitement that was still fresh, wonder and delight and sheer elation that could hardly be contained at how they were connected even closer now.

John leant forward, brushing his hand over Anna's cheek before holding the back of her head, guiding her happily towards him. Anna was looking at his lips until the very last second when they moulded with hers. The kiss was slow and languid; Anna got tingles all over feeling his tongue tease her own, her hand fixing upon his chest.

When their mouths broke apart they still remained entwined, gazes locked fast upon one another, faces aglow with happiness.

"I love you," she uttered softly but with all the conviction she had in her heart.

The most gorgeous smile drifted onto John's face, the crinkles at his eyes deepening. Anna shivered as he guided his fingers back over her cheek, the tip of his little finger touching her bottom lip.

"I love you," he echoed, bringing her left hand up to his mouth and leaving a kiss beneath the band on her finger. "More than anything else in this world."

She didn't think it was ever possible to feel this deliriously happy.

They shared several more kisses, and when she wasn't gazing at her fiancé –  _oh god, there it was again, that jolt that sent her heart racing faster than ever before_ – she was staring at the beautiful ring that adorned her hand, the symbol that would forever tell of their commitment to one another.

"You know, Gwen said that we'd be engaged before the end of the year," Anna exclaimed, unable to keep her joy at the fact out of her voice. She had wondered briefly whether her friend knew something she didn't, but quickly decided there was nothing deeper to it; it was obvious to everyone how utterly head-over-heels in love they were with one another. She began to giggle, her eyes raking over John's body before they finally met his again as they lay next to each other, her foot marking a slow trail up his leg. "I'll have to ask how much I owe her."

She laughed louder as John arched his eyebrows, letting her know how cheeky she was being. Before he could say anything she took him only partly by surprise by fixing another kiss to his lips, revelling in the muffled sighs he made against her mouth as it deepened. It told him without a doubt that everything was beyond perfect, and she wouldn't have changed a thing.

It was a few minutes after that Anna became aware of the time, and she was a bit shocked to see it, her hand raising to her mouth.

"Oh god, it's nearly midday," she exclaimed, pulling back only a little, the covers still held over them both. "I feel like a right lazy bones."

"If we can't be lazy on Boxing Day then there's something not right with the world," John made the very good point, smirking as he moved over Anna, leaving a trail of kisses at her throat and neck before he raised himself. She smiled up at him and the very prominent glint sparkling in his eyes. "Besides, I believe we have yet to  _celebrate_  this turn of events properly."

"Well, Mr Bates," she purred, biting her cheeky smile and aiming to look as alluring as possible, snaking her hands over his broad shoulders, "that will never do."

Their giggles were swiftly replaced by a chorus of sighs in unison, as the afternoon whiled away.

* * *

The restaurant was full of chatter, laughs and music playing in the background, Cora having gathered everyone there for a celebration to see in the New Year. Robert had closed the doors to the public at ten o'clock after a surprisingly busy evening. With fewer staff than usual John felt that his friend had only been half joking when he turned up early with some of the stuff for the party and was asked whether he'd mind slipping into a waiter's uniform and taking a few orders. He'd deftly avoided the task this time around, but John couldn't shake the feeling that there was a waistcoat, tie and apron with his name on it just waiting for another occasion, possibly Valentine's Day.

Anna never usually cared much for New Year's Eve in comparison to Christmas, most years choosing to stay in with a bottle of wine or two and some nibbles, finding that after the clock struck midnight everything was something of a letdown and not really changed much from the minutes that had preceded it. But this year was most definitely different, full of all the promise of not just what was to come but of everything that already was. Though she could definitely think of other preferable ways that they could see in the year together, she was happy to be here, amongst very dear friends.

They didn't make a big announcement about the engagement, but they didn't really need to; the news just came out naturally. It was rather obvious to everyone when they got close and were able to see the ring on Anna's finger, but could also be observed by the permanent, rather wide smiles on both of their faces, that they hardly left one another's side all night and, added to that, seemed unable to take their hands off each other. The reactions were even more joyous than expected. Robert called for more champagne, enough to fill everyone's glass several times over, wearing a grin that almost split his face. Cora engulfed them both in turn with hugs, quickly followed by Edith and Sybil who shrieked their enthusiasm and promised they would swap notes with Anna. Not inclined to make as much of a show as her younger sisters, Mary gave a smile and a quiet, steady gesture of congratulation in front of everyone else. When Anna tore herself away from John in pursuit of the bathroom, she found herself pulled into a lengthy hug by her friend and business partner, a little surprised but touched to hear the genuine emotion in Mary's voice when she whispered how happy she was for the pair of them.

Anna and John's happiness was buoyed by all of the well wishes they received, and both found themselves wondering when they would ever come down from the remarkable high they were coasting on. Anna's cheeks were aching from the grin that remained pinned to her face, but she was soothed by the balm of gazing into the unending depths of John's eyes, feeling herself acclaimed by all of the adoration within them. Her hand clasped tight in his was even more amazing than usual, their capacity to become one with a single touch seeming to come easier now and meaning so much more. So many people surrounded them, the restaurant was filling to its capacity with associates and distant family members, but it was beyond Anna and John's comprehension; they were simply held in their own little world, only having eyes that could see no further than past the other.

Clinks of champagne flutes hardly fazed them, but Robert dashing through the restaurant like a hurricane did. Before he nearly tripped over his feet in a rush heading towards the staircase, he slapped John on the shoulder.

"Five minutes to midnight, mate. I'm rounding up the troops otherwise that hour I spent figuring out how to time the fireworks to the exact second could have been much better wasted."

He downed the contents of his full glass in record time, earning a smirk from John before ambling away.

"Good to see he's refining his talents," he chuckled, turning back towards Anna. Admiring her once more in her sleeveless black dress, he drew one hand up and down the silky skin of her arm, keeping his other hand circled with hers. "Come on, we'd best get a move on. Don't want to miss the spectacular sight."

Anna gave a nod of her head, not particularly wanting to emerge from the toasty warmth but knowing they couldn't stay away from the festivities that had been planned. She turned her gaze in the direction of the table they had been sitting at on the other side of the room but while she could spot her clutch bag in its place on top of the table, her coat was nowhere to be seen.

"Cora must have taken my coat into the back," she sighed, wishing in that moment she would have worn something a little more suitable. "It'll be like looking for a needle in a haystack."

John had already taken off his suit jacket and was now standing in his white shirt and jeans, a sight to behold. Anna was stopped still, gazing up at him as he draped the shoulders of the jacket over hers. His hands rubbed her arms through the fabric after he settled the garment upon her, and the smile lit up on his face at the sight of her own, warm and encompassing and sending electricity coursing throughout him.

"I was just remembering, this isn't the first time you've done this for me," Anna's smile was made even more captivating by the look that was settled in her eyes. "And you know, it's more exciting to me now than it was then."

John grinned at that, recalling the freezing misty morning on that football pitch when he would have done anything to impress her, but done so much more to make her feel as special as she should.

"Well, I can't very well stop being the gentleman now, not when we're engaged." He pulled the jacket closed over her, holding the lapels within his fingers, his eyes held to her. "It's my honour to look after you."

"And that you do," she replied with a wider smile, grasping both of his hands in hers. "My perfect gentleman."

His heart leapt in his chest to hear her breathe those words, with such love in her tone. He wasn't sure if he was still worthy of the title, and certainly couldn't fathom how it had been decided that he was worthy of her, but if there was one thing he was absolutely certain of it was that he would be everything to Anna; whatever she needed or wanted him to be, he could transform himself in an instant. It was something that seemed to come naturally.

They managed to bring themselves back to join everyone else out on the roof terrace, the space surprisingly wide enough to hold the entire party. Robert let them all know where the countdown was up to by keeping his eyes trained on his watch and within seconds the shouts had worked their way around, the wave of sound travelling effortlessly. On the precise arrival of midnight, the first fireworks exploded in a burst of colour over the pitch black sky, cascading light over the faces that were held in wonder to behold them. Others however were occupied in quite another way, with couples and secret admirers who had found courage in the spirit of starting afresh sharing midnight kisses.

Anna and John were amongst them, luxuriating in a deep and loving kiss that lasted past the first minute of the year. John held Anna in the embrace of his arms, smiling as their breaths continued to mingle and their foreheads rested together, Anna bunching up her shoulders against the slight shock of the cold wind. As John's large hands travelled across her she felt nothing but warm.

She leaned up to reach his lips for one more kiss and he obliged gratefully, his lips so tender upon hers that she nearly cried with the love she felt for him.

They smiled at each other when they broke apart. Smiles that were knowing but also filled with anticipation, the exciting kind of uncertainty that only the promise of a shared future that was close within reach could bring. What a year it had been, Anna considered happily to herself, and there was an even better one about to unfold.

She found herself reflected in John's eyes as fireworks continued to shower the sky above their heads. He took her hand and kissed it soundly.

"Happy New Year, my love," he whispered as the notes of  _Auld Lang Syne_  rang out about them.

Anna beamed back at her fiancé. "Happy New Year."

Even now she wondered how this time in another twelve months she could find herself even happier.

* * *

The first week of the year saw them making a trip up to Yorkshire, to see Anna's mother on her arrival back from her cruise as well as to give her the news that John would be her son-in-law soon enough. Anna knew it was only fair to do so in person, even more so given that she hadn't been able to see her mum over Christmas, but beforehand she dreaded it, being quite truthful when she suggested that maybe they could put off going for a few weeks. She just knew of the fuss that would be caused, her mother barely recovered from the last bout of wedding fever that possessed her and thinking it would likely be accelerated this time round when she knew how much more in love Anna was. Even though they had become more accustomed to each other and by all accounts had a good relationship, part of her still worried that her mum somehow didn't think that John was 'right' for her. She knew that he likely wouldn't have been her mother's ideal choice, but Anna couldn't say that she was concerned about what was ideal. John was more than perfect in her eyes, and that was all they had to care about.

Thankfully if Susan Smith had any misgivings about the degree to which her daughter was serious about John Bates, she didn't let it show. The timing had been her one cause for concern, taken aback by the rapidity at which the wedding would take place. Anna recalled that her mother had made a sour face when she informed her which month of the year it was going to be.

"Anna, haven't you ever heard of the saying?" Susan warned, the sense of superstition barely disguised in her voice. " _Marry in May, rue the day_."

Anna shrugged off her mother's fears, not one to believe in such things. They'd settled on May when she had worked out that it was when their baby would have been due to be born, and it seemed like a fitting way to mark the occasion neither wanted to forget. Plus it gave them enough time to sort out what they needed to, and for Anna and for John too the sooner was all the better. Already she couldn't wait to start their married life.

"See what you're getting into?" Anna sighed heavily when they arrived back home in London, clutching her hand to her head as John closed the front door behind them, her mind whirling with all of her mother's apparently well-meaning suggestions about the most insignificant of details. "God forbid that I ever turn into my mother. That's what they say eventually happens, don't they?" Her eyes widened with the fearful thought; poor John had no idea what was in store, and neither did she for that matter. "I can only apologise in advance."

He flashed her a winning smile, being careful to stifle his laughter lest she thought he was unfairly teasing her. Dropping their bags, he kept his arms open to let her burrow against him, such a weary and loveable look written upon her face. John smoothed her hair, dropping a kiss onto the top of her head.

"Anna Smith, I will love you whatever or whoever you turn into," he reassured, making her smile against his chest. "Besides, I suspect they might have broken the mould when they made your mother." He couldn't stop his laughter from spilling out. "Just don't tell her I said that, I'm not keen to be in her bad books again."

She gave him a swat on the chest for her mother's sake, but her smirk told him that she agreed with his side of things. Anna smoothed her palms across his torso, letting out little contented sighs while his arms circled around her.

"I won't be going by that name much longer," she remarked happily, looking up at him as the soft smile drifted onto his face, wishing she could make the time fly by.

The day she would become Anna Bates would be the best of her life.

* * *

She was glad to be back in the office after the brief trip back home, renewed with a fresh sense of energy and a determination to make this year the year that Downton Associates really took off. They'd already experienced a surge in bookings after a Christmas party period that had been met with much high praise, and she was currently making headway on outlining a lucrative charity ball for one of London society's most powerful women, Camilla Anstruther.

"So, I've added the Carlisles and Bryants to the guest list," Anna spoke from the midst of her desk, already swamped with reams of notes filled with details of tentative seating plans and potential themes for the night. "But I'm not sure what to do with the Duke of Crowborough. He seems like a colourful character by all accounts, and I think we should be trying to stay away from falling into scandal, even if it is by a slim chance."

For all the response she was getting, she may as well have been talking to the wall.

"Earth to Mary, are you still with us Miss Crawley?"

Mary swivelled round on her chair with a start, a magazine clutched within her manicured grasp. "What? Oh, umm, whatever you think is best."

Anna scrunched up her face, tilting her head to the side and wondering precisely what was up with Mary. Ever since they'd opened again she seemed wildly preoccupied, and some might have said that she wasn't on a par with Anna's focus at the best of times. She was just about to go over and enquire whether everything was alright when Mary closed the glossy publication she was holding, waving it in the air in Anna's line of vision. Mary's indifferent expression was quickly replaced with an eager smile, and Anna rolled her eyes up towards the ceiling.

"Mary," she exhaled, clicking her ballpoint pen and placing it down on the notepad in front of her. "We've gone over this. The office is a place for work; anything else can come afterwards."

"Oh, Anna, where's your sense of fun?" Mary shot back, clearly not a bit deterred. "Not every single second of the day has to be dedicated to work, you know. Anyway," her tone began to rise and lighten, "you're the one who's newly engaged. This should all be far more exciting to you than it is to me by now."

Anna narrowed her eyes briefly, but couldn't help breaking into a little smile at Mary's words.

"Of course it's exciting," she affirmed, marking a blank page of her notepad with inky criss-cross kisses. "But I'd rather save it for a time when I don't have to worry about guest lists, and a million other things besides."

As much as she appreciated Mary's sense of shared enthusiasm, the notion was one she wanted to keep clear in her head; event-planning was her career, and it gave her all the more reason not to turn what was going to be the most special day of her life into something that resembled work. The thought that it could quickly do so was more than a little frightening and deeply sad to her.

Mary was shaking her head, not convinced to join Anna in working through their tasks just yet.

"There's a wedding fair at Wembley Arena at the end of the month," she announced; much to Anna's dismay, Mary wasn't willing to let the subject drop just yet. "Why don't we make a weekend of it? There's bound to be so much stuff that we can pick up, and given that you're insisting on doing everything so soon it's all the more reason to get things sorted."

"Things  _are_ sorted," Anna's tone became a little affronted, making Mary reel back in her chair. "I mean, there's not that much that needs to be done. We don't want a big fuss or a parade. I know you can't understand that," she smirked as Mary nodded her head, lost in daydreams of the most extravagant wedding there could be, "but for me and John, it's fine."

Mary wrinkled her nose, not in disgust but more in disbelief.

"Anna, do you honestly want your wedding to be  _'fine'_?"

"Okay, maybe that wasn't the best word to use, but you know what I mean," she replied quickly, a smile curving the corners of her mouth. "For us, a quiet wedding with people we care about around us will be perfect."

"You sound like Sybil did." Mary sulked in her chair, chin planted in the palm of her hand, flicking through the bridal magazine with less fervour than before while Anna eyed her pointedly. She let out a chortle when Mary stuck out the tip of her tongue towards her and then quickly refrained, realising she was being childish. "You can't very well blame me for being excited, anyway. When I finally have someone to talk to and plan these things with."

"You have Edith," Anna pointed out, rolling the pen between her finger and thumb. "You know, your  _sister_."

Mary scowled, and Anna decided it would be best not to go down that road after all. Instead she gave Mary a smile and a furrow of her brow, indicating that she wanted to get at least a bit of work done before five o'clock rolled around.

As she went across the room to grab her coat before heading out for coffees, Mary couldn't have been less subtle if she tried, leaving a hefty pile of wedding-related magazines and other paraphernalia on Anna's desk.

"I have tons more at home. Matthew says he should get me a subscription," she explained with a hesitant smile. "So really, they're all yours."

Anna looked from the cover of the top magazine up towards her friend, feeling that she couldn't be unfair.

"Okay," she relented, "we can go out somewhere and have a look through after work."

"Only if you want to."

Mary was terrible at hiding things.

* * *

Anna trudged into the living room, exhaling a sigh with each step as she brought her wine glass and its remnants back with her from the kitchen. John was sitting on the sofa, having washed the dishes while Anna had sat at the table, swirling the contents of her glass around and staring into space. Something was wrong, it was plain to see from the way her body was tensed and how she was wandering restlessly. A troubled thought entered his mind for a moment, one that had slipped through from a place he thought he had barred up by now. He told himself quickly not to be so ridiculous; she was with him and they were happier than ever. Anyway, what was life without the little bumps in the road? God knows they had faced much worse, and whatever it was was more than likely a passing cloud in an otherwise sunny horizon.

"You look as though you could have done with bringing the bottle back with you," he offered with a smirk he knew that she couldn't resist, showing it off quite purposely.

It had the desired effect, and in the next moment she had placed the glass down on the coffee table and was sitting with her legs curled up, snuggled against his lap. Instinctively his hands found their way around her waist, and she sighed out the frustration she had been keeping pent up.

"Nobody wants to talk to me about anything other than the wedding anymore," Anna explained, looping her arms around his neck. "All I get is wedding this, wedding that…it's as if nothing else exists."

"Are you having second thoughts?" he said, raising an eyebrow as his voice became apparently hurt, the smile pulling at his lips hard to disguise.

"Silly beggar," she answered him instantly, assuaging any worries he might have had by planting a kiss on his lips. "Of course I'm not." She wriggled in his lap, and he smoothed one of his palms against her thigh. "It sounds silly, but I just don't want things to get spoiled by overkill. I mean, I was never going to be a Bridezilla…"

He chuckled at the thought of Anna turning into some wedding-crazed woman, and was relieved when she shared his amusement. Even if she had become obsessed, it wouldn't have mattered. She could never be anything less than perfect to him.

"But Mary's at me all the time in the office, and outside of it too. Gwen won't leave off with suggestions for the reception, and you know how many times a day my mother calls. I'm still waiting for her to send her new idea scrapbook through the post."

She slumped against the sofa, and John looked at her longingly while his fingers danced upon her side.

"It's becoming such a headache, and that's the last thing I want. Everything that they mention, it's all just decoration. It's not about us. I know they mean well, but…" Her voice trailed off as she gazed into her lap, and then her eyes were back on John. He smiled as she entwined her fingers in his upturned palm. "Just me and you, that's all I need. I'd marry you this instant, in these jeans and this scruffy jumper, if I could."

The grin he was wearing made his face hurt, hearing Anna say those words with such sincerity. She looked utterly stunning in the slightly bobbly jumper she was wearing, but then again she always did, and the smile she was fixing him with made him dissolve. When she stayed silent, looking him deep in the eyes, he got to wondering if what she had said wasn't just a throwaway comment, albeit one that melted his heart.

"Does this mean you want to run off?"

She giggled one of those gorgeous little giggles of hers, making his heart flutter. "That makes us sound like we're teenagers going against our parents' wishes."

"You, maybe," he smirked, finding himself lost in her eyes once more. "Elope, then."

She didn't seem to be mulling it over so much as she was enlivened by the prospect, a smile easing onto her face, making her so much more relaxed. He was glad to see it, even if he was just a little bit surprised by the route she had chosen to go down. Yet he rather liked it when she took him by surprise, and he certainly had no complaints.

"All we'd need is the wedding licence, it'd save so much hassle." Everything about her was alight now, the sparkle in her eyes returned from where it had been dulled, and John revelled in the beauty of her right in front of him. "And it'd mean we could do it as soon as we wanted, no need to think about all the things that go along with it."

_All the show makes a wedding, not a marriage_ , that was something his mother always told him. There had hardly been much of a show made before, but a marriage certainly hadn't been the result. It's what he wanted with Anna, and what he knew they would have, however they ended up making it all official.

"I've waited my whole life to be with you," she was saying softly as her gaze was pinned to him, "I don't want to wait any longer to be your wife."

The emotions that were running through him could have made him explode. He looked at her, this beautiful woman before him, and he kissed her before either of them could think about it any further. As the kiss deepened and she brought her body forward towards him, her fingers tugging on his hair, he had the overwhelming urge to carry her over his shoulder and up to their bedroom. He resisted, fixing her with a sweet kiss that thanked her for all of her devotion towards him, gently caressing her cheek.

"Whatever you wish, it shall be yours," he smiled, sinking back on the sofa to appreciate the joyful sight of her. "Although, you might consider me in all this. I was rather looking forward to all the preparation."

Anna wrinkled her forehead, not sure whether she could believe that he'd really be into all the fuss.

"Grand church, little girls with flowers in their hair," he charmed her with all the notions he had; she'd obviously given him less credit than he deserved. "You in a white dress, me looking like a fool."

Her face softened instantly, her eyes seeming to tear up. She reached out her arm, covering his hand with her own, rubbing her thumb against his knuckles softly.

"I didn't think," she said softly, apologetically. "If you want that, we can have it. Don't listen to me."

She had dropped her gaze, and as much as John couldn't bear to be without it, he was unable to bear it more that she thought she might have been letting him down. Gently he tipped her chin upwards, locking their eyes once more.

"I will always listen to you," he affirmed, his voice full of joy for her and the way she had turned his life around. "All I want is you and me too, the vows to be said and the rings on both of our hands. It's all I've ever asked for."

With two smiles and another long kiss, the matter was settled.

* * *

London had many perfectly good places to get married, but they figured if they were going to elope they might as well go all out. Time was spent poring over the various brochures John had picked up a while back for their intended break away that had gone out of the window since everything had happened. Wherever they chose to go could also make for a mini-honeymoon, if they had a long weekend away. None of the destinations seemed quite suitable but they didn't lose faith, each promising the other they'd come up with their own ideas. One morning while Anna was on the tube making her way to work, she grinned to herself as she read her usual morning text message from John. Her heart flipped over into her stomach when she took in the words  _'It won't be long now'_.

When she stepped onto the platform her phone buzzed again in her coat pocket. She got out of the rush and onto the street before she pulled it into her hand. The smile was instantly on her face when she saw it was another message from John.

_\- Have a look in your bag x_

She didn't need to root very long to discover a brochure, curled over so it was able to fit with the rest of her stuff. Anna couldn't quite believe that they hadn't come up with it sooner. It was the perfect place to go.

Filled with excitement and barely being able to cover her smile all day, Anna was relieved when she could leave the office, having dodged questions from an intrigued Mary since the moment she had arrived that morning. She took a little detour, perhaps on purpose, and had to believe it was fate when she spotted the dress in the window of her favourite boutique. Emerging not fifteen minutes later with bag in hand and dress carefully wrapped up, she felt like she was walking on air. Everything was falling into place, exactly how it was meant to have been.

* * *

It had been easy enough for John to make his arrangements, saying that he'd be going on a research trip with one of the company's authors. For Anna it was slightly trickier, needing to go off radar in London and also not have the word reach her mother. After some thought she'd managed to come up with something foolproof and before they knew it, Thursday had arrived. They'd make it to Argyll in the evening, able to get married on Friday morning and have the rest of their long weekend to revel in being newlyweds, hoping to enjoy the delights of the Scottish climate but knowing they'd probably be enjoying each other much more. As an extra happy coincidence, Anna had discovered that Argyll was where Mr Carson, the staid but wonderfully kind man who was a figure throughout her childhood and formative years, was now living with his lady friend, and they'd managed to book themselves into the hotel they ran for their stay. Looking it up on the internet Anna had been surprised at how grand it was, expecting a sweet but rather homely little place and instead being met with a sprawling castle that resembled somewhere that rivalled the best stately homes of England.

They were already acting like a couple who had been married for years on their flight, and it made Anna glow inside, hoping that it was a taste of things to come. She fussed over John in the way that a wife would, checking over and again that he'd got everything and that everything came off the short plane journey with them. He took it just the way she had wanted when she told him that it was all good practise and seemed to relish all the gently-given orders she issued, playfully teasing her with little quips of his own. Both were beaming from ear-to-ear when they arrived in Glasgow airport, counting down the hours and walking arm in arm.

Eager not to stop, they went on the short way to the train station for the next part of their journey but were halted by forces beyond their control. The announcements rang out, confused and annoyed passengers crowding the platforms. High winds and an oncoming storm that was due to make its way through Scotland meant that all trains headed for other parts of the country and beyond had been suspended for the safety of all travellers, and nothing would be arriving or departing at least until the situation was reviewed first thing Friday morning. It was a disappointment to Anna and John, both being desperate to make it to the place where they would be wed as soon as they possibly could, but they rather they both survive in one piece to actually make it down the aisle. The queue to try and obtain hotel rooms for the night was like nothing that had ever been seen, and they didn't manage to make it anywhere near the front when it was announced rather quickly that everywhere nearby was fully booked.

They settled down on a bank of not entirely comfortable seats for the night, bundling up and snuggling against the chill, at least thankful that it wasn't the floor and there was a good supply of hot drinks and amenities nearby to get them through. It certainly hadn't been what they had pictured but nothing could stand in their way, they knew that much, and as long as they had each other they could ask for nothing more. Anna smiled to herself, thinking it rather funny and probably quite fitting; their courtship so far hadn't been all that conventional, so it shouldn't follow that the transition into the next stage would be any different.

"Do you think this is a sign?" she craned her head to look at John from where she was, wrapped in his arms and resting against his chest.

"That we should have got the ferry?" his voice rumbled against her back, and his tone made her burst into giggles.

"Oh god, that would have been worse. I can only imagine the amount of people who would be retching all night with the motion of the waves." Anna scrunched up her nose in revulsion at the image.

"That would have been a lovely soundtrack to upcoming nuptials."

Though the thought was never far from her mind, she beamed once more to realise what was even closer to them now than ever before. It wasn't the biggest hardship in the world that they were facing, but she would have endured anything so long as it meant they would be husband and wife in a matter of hours.

She shifted, sitting up more and turning her body so that she could have the pleasure of seeing his face properly. To her delight he was wearing a smile that matched her own, probably thinking the very same thing as she was, rich hazel eyes roaming over her features.

"You are glad that we decided to do it like this?"

Despite her reassuring him over and over that what they had planned was exactly what she wanted, it was understandable that this little blip had made him worry anew. Anna traced each line in his furrowed brow with her eyes and then ran her hand over his jaw, hearing him stifle a groan at the back of his throat.

"I'm much more than that," she answered with all the confidence and affirmation she possessed in her body, the steady look she fixed him with earning her a twinkling grin. Anna gave a short giggle as he tapped her nose that was glowing red with the cold that was circulating the less-than-insulated station.

John squeezed her hand softly in his, smoothing his fingers over each of hers in turn as she pressed her back against him again, getting comfy once more.

"I promise things will go much smoother when we're married," he assured in a tone that gave her all the faith in the world. Anna relished the secure feeling of his arms hugging around her waist, knowing that she couldn't be safer.

"It's okay, I'm game for the ride," she quipped, smiling at him over her shoulder and sliding one of her hands to cover his. "Just so you know, I'll be expecting a few trips away a year. Along with the standard flowers and chocolates, every other week at least."

She smiled cheekily, sighing a little when she felt his lips brushing against her cheek.

"Duly noted," John replied, holding her closer. "Can't let the spark go out once the day is over."

"Indeed we can't."

Anna couldn't stop smiling, knowing that would never be the case. She'd be happy to spend a thousand nights just like this one, knowing that he would be hers forever.

And forever wasn't far away at all.

* * *

Slightly stiff and with not that many hours sleep between them, they greeted the morning of what would be their wedding day. It might not have been what they had planned but they had made the best of things as ever, and though they'd spent nights sitting up talking before now they both agreed that such an evening was what all couples needed just before they got married, sharing all their hopes and dreams for the future and finding that most of them were exactly the same. Anna was assured that she knew everything there was to know about John now, and vice versa, and she was more certain than ever that he was the man she wanted to share the rest of her life with, not that she could have been persuaded otherwise.

Within a couple of hours service was back to normal and crowds of people flooded through the station, impatient to be headed for their destinations. Despite their wait Anna and John hadn't been able to make it on the first train that departed for Argyll, and their hearts sunk when they realised the time. They wouldn't get there to make their booking at the registry office. John took Anna's face in his hands, assuring her that they'd get another slot.

"We're not leaving this country until we're Mr and Mrs Bates," he said firmly, and the promise brought the smile back to her face, bigger than before.

The train journey wasn't too arduous, and having telephoned the previous night to explain their predicament a car from the hotel was waiting just outside Argyll station, a pristine uniformed chauffeur standing to store their bags and see them safely inside. They giggled in the back compartment, thinking it was though they'd gone back in time several decades, but Anna would have expected nothing less knowing Mr Carson was behind it all.

Walking into the reception of the hotel, they took a few minutes to simply stare at the wonderful surroundings. The pictures posted online didn't do it justice; looking up there was a sparkling crystal chandelier above their heads and a grand staircase stretched before them, flanked by two grand stone statues standing either side. Anna and John looked at each other, breath quite taken away.

Coming to their senses, they were greeted by an older, very well-dressed woman at the reception desk, which could be hardly called a desk at all. A bunch of keys dangled at her waist, even looking coordinated with her outfit.

"You must be Anna and John," she wore a warm smile, her Scottish brogue unmistakable and with only a slight edge that hardened her otherwise melodic tone. "I'm Elsie Hughes. I'm ever so sorry about your journey, it's been absolutely wild out there. I spent the best part of the night worrying whether some part of the roof hadn't caved in."

Another young man scurried forward to relieve them of their bags and they smiled gratefully as they went towards the counter.

"Charles will be ever so pleased to see you," Elsie smiled towards Anna. "He's seeing to some stock right this moment, and of course you'll want to get settled in before you do anything, but I'll let him know you're here once you've had the time to find your feet, and do whatever it is you have planned for today."

There was a knowing glint in her eyes, and both Anna and John felt themselves turn a little red.

"Thank you, Mrs Hughes," John said, slightly wary of whether he was using the correct address as he handed over the rest of their payment.

"Oh please, no need for formalities,  _Mr Bates,_ " she replied with a hint of mischief that put an additional sparkle in her eyes. "Elsie will be just fine." Smiling as she handed Anna some leaflets of nearby attractions, she couldn't help but notice the younger woman looked somewhat downcast. "No need to fret, the weather will soon clear up. Sunshine is just around the corner, so they say. In Scotland of all places, wonders will never cease."

More of a smile settled upon Anna's face as she shrugged her shoulders back. "Oh no, it's not that. It's just," she lowered her voice for some reason, though there was nobody other than the three of them standing there and no need to keep things secret any more, "we were supposed to be at the registry office…" Anna let out a huff as she checked her watch, "just around now."

Elsie tilted her head at the sight before her; no bride should have been so sad, especially not one so young and pretty and full of hope.

Anna and John watched as she reached for a book behind the counter, running a finger down the page she had stopped at and hardly holding back a wide smile.

"We're licensed to hold ceremonies here, our last was just at the start of the week," Elsie announced, delighted to see the hopeful smiles reigniting on the couple's faces. "There's a room free all day tomorrow, I can give the registrar a call now but I don't see that he'd be too busy. It wouldn't be anything too grand, I'm afraid, but the offer's there."

They gazed at one another eagerly; it was hard to see how anything wouldn't be grand in these surroundings, the place was absolutely beautiful, much nicer than a registry office.

Almost in unison they gave their excited and affirmative answers.

"Definitely."

"If it wouldn't be too much bother."

"Not at all," Elsie grinned, eyes flitting between the two of them. "It would be our pleasure. You get yourselves sorted, and I'll go and start making the arrangements."

Anna turned to John with a smile pinned upon her face; they'd only known her for five minutes but it seemed that Elsie Hughes was already their fairy godmother, or something in a very similar guise.

"Who would have thought it?" John uttered, fitting his hands around Anna's slender waist. "It really will be hours after all."

Both of their hearts speeded up at the thought, and Anna clung onto John, grinning as she nearly burrowed her face against his chest. He hugged her into a tighter embrace, both of them wildly giddy that fate had taken a favourable turn.

In just hours, they could say goodbye to Anna Smith, and she would become the person she was always meant to be.


	32. Chapter 32

Wrapped in an incredibly fluffy dressing gown, Anna smiled as, one by one, she laid everything carefully out on the single bed, her hand reaching out to gently brush the bodice of the dress, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she admired it for the hundredth time. Standing in the room her body was alive with electricity, pulsing through her veins and down her spine, but she felt utterly peaceful too.

They had both been more than a little bemused when they were handed two room keys instead of one, John making double and triple sure that their booking had been correct. There was no mistake, and the realisation dawned on Anna first, stifling a small amused smile as Elsie rolled her eyes, offering them an apologetic glare. Mr Carson was a traditionalist, and something within him would have been unsettled at a couple sharing a room before they were married. John had huffed about how ridiculous it was on their way up the stairs, finding that he had been placed in the room at the other end of the corridor from the one that Anna would be occupying. Surely it was bad for business to impose such outdated rules, was all he kept saying, and Anna caught him muttering something about being treated like a child. She suspected they might have been something of a special case. A part of her had to sympathise; it must have been terribly uncomfortable for Mr Carson to think of the young woman he had known primarily as just a girl getting up to things he was only too well aware of with a man, albeit the man she would marry in a short while. She smirked at the grumpy pout covering John's face, letting it linger a bit longer before she kissed it away languidly, leaving him with a memory to aid his dreaming. As he relented underneath her lips, she couldn't stop herself from smiling against his, knowing that Elsie had promised them the bridal suite for all of their other nights there, assuring that it was as far away as could possibly be from the owner's quarters, meaning that all parties would have their minds put at rest.

A rush cascaded through her again as she brought the little box out from the bottom of her suitcase, relieved that she had actually packed it. She left it closed as she placed it down with the rest of her attire for the day, her lips tugging upwards while her fingertips danced upon the lid. All she was thinking of was the sight that had been with her throughout the night, of John's wide smile that he kept upon her as he walked backwards down the corridor that would separate them. She had let out a squawk of a giggle when he stumbled just slightly, his heels hitting the back of the closed door unexpectedly, the sound reverberating in the hushed corridor. He swore loudly, but quickly laughed it off when his eyes found hers again, and they were full of the kind of warmth she knew well now but still thrilled her to the core when she found it directed towards her. She pleasantly shivered in the soft light hearing him tell her goodnight in that gorgeous rich tone of his, the voice he only ever seemed to use for her and her alone. She lived to see the look on his face when they would meet again to make the biggest promise of both their lives, and afterwards too.

_Especially afterwards_ , she thought, unable to restrain her sultry side.

Satisfied that she had unpacked everything, Anna sat down in front of the mirror that was atop the ornate dressing table, glancing at her reflection for a long while. She would take her time – there was still quite enough of it – doing her make-up after she had styled her hair. Knowing the way John loved her hair the most, she beamed again while she brushed the strands through, wincing a little when she encountered a tangle. The curling iron had been heating up in preparation, its red light flashing to green in the pane of the mirror. No sooner had she picked it up then she put it down on its mat again, knowing there was something else she had to do first. The mirror caught sight of her excited smile before she skipped to the bedside, unfurling a piece of the creamy, finely-mottled notepaper that had been left in a little stack there. Her hand hovered for a few moments, pen poised in the air until she brought it down confidently, words beginning to flow effortlessly.

Though she wasn't the superstitious type, she didn't dare risk seeking him out for an embrace or a simple, chaste kiss. However, she couldn't see the harm in doing this, and she did want to greet him on the morning of their wedding. The smile took over her face, along with a few unshed and completely joyful tears, as she wrote the note. She hoped that she would be able to keep her emotions in check later, but she wouldn't be able to guarantee anything, and she smiled when she realised that John wouldn't have minded anyway.

Anna held the paper in her hands, taking one last look before she folded it up.

_Good morning Mr Bates (my wonderful, very handsome fiancé),_

_I hope you slept well and I'm sorry that I couldn't have spent the night in your arms. I thought many times in the night about sneaking into your room, but I was too afraid of being caught. Though I think – actually, I know – it would have been worth it._

_It's finally here, the day I have been dreaming of and waiting for forever, since before I knew you even existed. I can't believe how lucky I am and how happy I am, but I know by the time night falls that I will be even happier. When I can rightfully be called your wife, my life will be complete, and nothing will make me prouder. I have butterflies in my tummy going crazy right at this second thinking of you saying those words and placing that ring on my finger to join the other one (okay, I admit it, there's quite a few of them there because I'm thinking of how absolutely gorgeous you will look in your suit.)_

_I love you with every beat of my heart, and I will always be yours._

_With all of my love forever,  
Anna xxxxx_

She peeked her head out of the door with the envelope in her grasp, prancing with soft steps across the empty corridor once the coast was clear. His door remained closed, and her fingers touched the 'Do Not Disturb' sign left on the handle, staying there for a few lingering moments before she slid the note under the little gap.

Anna bounced back to her own room with a wide smile gracing her lips, her hands tucked into the pockets of her soft white gown. Pleased with her gesture, she planted herself on the vanity chair, pinning back sections of her hair as she began to work on making herself look as perfect as she possibly could.

When she was finished a while later, she would find a folded note addressed to her pushed underneath the door, waiting to be read.

* * *

John took a long look at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, scrutinising himself with a judgmental eye. His fingers ran slowly along his jawline as he tilted his head one way, and then the other, and then met his gaze in the mirror straight on. He supposed he was thankful that he had escaped without so much as a tiny nick; somehow, he wasn't sure how, he had managed to shave without cutting himself to pieces, the blade held to his skin twitching dangerously between fingers that couldn't stop shaking. It had taken him twice as long to complete the usually simple job, having to put the implement down on the sink between strokes, reminding himself of what to do and the act of breathing correctly.

He pulled and prodded at his face before he started on tousling his hair, combing the strands that fought to be untamed this way and that. It was one of his better mornings, he didn't look too bad. But 'not bad' wasn't anywhere good enough for the momentous day that lay ahead. When he had the honour of Anna standing next to him, ready to promise herself to be his wife and looking knockout stunning he had no doubt, he needed to be at his best to be anywhere near trying to match up; to prove that he was worthy of the greatest beauty there ever was, both inside and out. A little smile started to fill out his cheeks as he realised that she would have told him that he was gorgeous any way, and he thanked the heavens above that she was so sweet and overwhelmingly lovely and willing to overlook all of his flaws. They simply didn't seem to appear to her eyes, for whatever reason.

The dark circles beneath his eyes couldn't be ignored, and he let out a lengthy sigh. He hadn't got a great deal of sleep in the hours that had preceded, not that he had expected the night to hold much in the way of rest. It was partly down to fevered anticipation for the morning to roll around, of course, but a lot of it was because he didn't have Anna at his side, he was certain. Sleeping without her was very strange to him, as if a limb had been brutally severed from his body. There was something about the way she held herself in his arms, the marvellous softness of her skin and her hair flowing down upon him. The rhythm of her heart that he could time perfectly, lulling him into a peace that he had never experienced before and that was beyond compare. He couldn't honestly see the reason why they should have been parted, but he had gritted his teeth and observed it. He wouldn't have gone against the wishes of the older man, who by all means seemed like a perfectly reasonable and kind-hearted person, not while he was a guest at his residence. Anna appeared to rather like the tradition of it too, the frustration in her eyes quickly covered by a serene smile which he was never able to argue with, utterly bewitched. They did have the promise of the bridal suite later after all, and he had to work hard to keep himself under control when Anna whispered in his ear that he would have plenty to look forward to. With such a sweet smile on her face but such candour in her tone, she was driving him wild. The abilities she had no other woman on the earth possessed, and as he looked into her summer sky-blue eyes, tinged with a midnight streak that hinted at her mischievous side, he knew that he had never loved more than this. Anna was the love of his life, the one he had been searching for for so long, the one who had given him hope when he thought it was beyond him.

The nerves started to kick in big time, and they'd been laying there for long enough, not leaving him alone for a second. Now they were washing the length of his body in waves that surged with force. In an almost crazy way he relished them, not wanting them to stop. She would be his wife in a matter of hours. The prospect made his head swim and his body sing with joy; it was amazing, almost unbelievable. He expected to be shaken awake from the longest dream he'd ever had any second, but to his relief it was all real. He grinned like a fool reading the note that she had slipped through the threshold of his door, fingers caressing the curves of her neat and considered writing. She was a dream, his very own dream. He took the time to compose a reply, smiling with every stroke of the pen upon the paper, and bobbed across the corridor to deliver it, giving a wink to the little boy who was outside one of the other doors, perched on a suitcase playing with a handheld computer console. For a moment he contemplated breaking the rules and knocking, so eager was he to see her face, having been deprived for too long. That would have earned him a playful slap instead of a kiss, he reckoned after a minute or so, and so not the best way to start the day. He stood outside her door longer than necessary, unable to tear himself away. He tried to listen out for any sounds – he thought she may have been singing to herself, as he'd often happily caught her doing on occasions – but there was nothing. Giving a silent sigh, he slouched away dressed in a black t-shirt and a pair of jeans; it was a little too early for his suit and he didn't want to get it creased, but he had to look a bit more presentable than being clad in his dressing gown if he was to go downstairs.

As he got to the spacious reception there were a few smiling guests departing, leaving him alone, except with the company of his jitters. He ran his right hand through his hair repeatedly, stopping pacing the floor long enough to swap to his left, taking him a few seconds to be aware of the other person who had appeared not too far away.

"You look lost," Elsie remarked softly, fixing the books laid out on the desk in front of her and taking pity on him as he wandered back and forth.

John managed a small smile and a shrug of his shoulders in return. "I'm far from that, finally. Thankfully."

She smiled heartily at the wistful look that was drifting over his face, only imagining it was all to do with that delightful young woman whom he called his betrothed. She had noticed them exchanging loving glances all the time when she had seen them last, not too long before they headed up for the night. They were clearly tailor-made for one another and the way he revered her made Elsie's heart melt. She had tried to persuade Charles to swap the separate rooms he had organised for the couple, knowing that she could make him bend. He wasn't quite the romantic that she was, but he had his moments and the thought of them combined brought a happy smile to her own face. She hadn't been able to win on this occasion but knowing what lay ahead for the couple she was assured that a little waiting never hurt anyone.

Elsie frowned when her ears were met with a loud grumbling, and she nearly laughed to find John clutching both hands over his stomach, eyeing her apologetically and looking slightly pained.

"Have you not had breakfast yet? We'll have to see to that, indeed."

The woman was being nothing but kind as she closed the counter behind her, walking towards him with a gentle look in her eyes.

"I'm fine, honestly." John shook his head vigorously, but his stomach seemed determined not to be silenced, making a liar out of him. "To be honest, I'm not a hundred per cent sure that I'll be able to keep anything down." As hungry as he was, he felt a bit nauseous with excitement and the thought of having anything substantial to eat made him reel.

Elsie smiled at him empathetically, giving his arm a little pat. "Well, you can't have that sounding out all the way throughout the ceremony, it'll be very distracting." She noticed his eyes glazing over and chuckled to herself. And everyone said it was women who fretted about such occasions. In her many years of experience she had found that it was the men who were always far worse. "It'll make you feel better to have something lining your stomach. Come with me and I'll get Mrs Patmore to rustle something up, even if it's just a slice of toast."

John reluctantly followed, sitting down at the table towards the back of the empty dining room when Elsie signalled him to. It was long past breakfast now and he didn't want to make trouble by issuing any demands, especially not when he would likely only manage a few crumbs. His eyes widened when the heaped plate was put in front of him, containing not just a slice a toast but several, along with bacon, tomatoes, eggs and beans. Like a child confronting their biggest fear he gulped as he looked up at Elsie, who was nursing a cup of coffee in her hands.

"I'm afraid Mrs Patmore doesn't do things by halves," she chuckled lightly. "Just leave what you don't want, I'll sneak it out behind her back."

"A lot of good food will have gone to waste," he replied with a sorry half smile, which was only met with a firm shake of the head.

Slowly, with knife and fork prodding at the edge of the plate, John began to tuck in. He took careful, small bites at first but surprised himself with just how much he managed to get through. He supposed it was deceiving, and his stomach certainly thanked him for it, no longer growling. Elsie sipped her coffee sitting opposite him, pouring him a cup to which he nodded his thanks. He had only left a rasher of bacon and a few little scraps when he pushed his plate to the side.

"My compliments to the chef, that was delicious."

"She'll be very pleased to hear it," Elsie answered with a smile.

He smiled back before going quiet, taking a long sip of coffee and staring off into the distance, getting lost in his thoughts. He didn't notice the way his fingers were tapping absent-mindedly but increasingly loudly against the table top until Elsie gave a polite cough and he looked up to find her arching her eyebrows towards him. For more than a flash of a second he was confronted with the image of his mother, and it comforted and saddened him in equal measure.

"Cold feet?" she questioned in a voice that was far more soothing at this moment. "It's perfectly natural."

"No, no, not at all." John waved his hand in the air after he put his cup down on the table. "I've willed this day to come for long enough." He smiled at the truth of that statement that he felt in his heart before the regret he was desperate to fight back surfaced from behind his eyes. "God knows I wouldn't change a thing about Anna, it would be impossible to do so. But myself, on the other hand…"

He raised his eyes to the ceiling, knowing it was fruitless. Nothing could be done about the past, and it didn't matter when the future was going to be so perfect. But the little voice in the back of his head wouldn't absolve him so easily.

"Thank god divorce exists but I wish there was something that could have prevented it from having to happen in the first place."

John met Elsie's gaze that was slightly admonishing but warm and considerate most of all. She nodded her head rhythmically as she poured out the remainder of the coffee from the pot between their cups, and he saw that she understood something of what he said. He had no intention of wallowing, but it was nice to offload some of his silly preoccupations to someone who could let them wash over with no worries or anxiety caused.

"Believe me, I know what it is to regret. To wonder what life would have been like if I'd gone a different way. But as life goes on, you come to realise that those things don't matter, not to yourself but least of all to anybody else. We're all carrying our ghosts around with us."

There was something in her words as she said them that made John sit up and listen. She took no nonsense and didn't sugar coat anything, but at the same time she was full of reassurance.

"Hardly anyone gets things right first time around," Elsie affirmed with a slightly weary experience, "but it's what follows after that's important. When we've been thrown about by life, and find that we can still land on our feet. With the right person by our side, if we're lucky."

John truly couldn't believe his luck to have found Anna, and if everything he had endured had been what led him to her then he looked at it differently indeed. She told him enough that it didn't matter to her that he had already been married but only that she was able to marry him herself now. Thinking of her and how wonderful she was, he had the urge to make sure they were wed at this very moment. She was probably still busy getting herself ready, and he smiled to think of the lengths to which he was sure she was going to.

He stood abruptly, running a hand through his messy hair again, giving Elsie a smile which thanked her without words for her encouragement. She could see that he was raring to go and gave him a nod to tell him to go ahead.

"Time to spruce myself up," he said, his voice cheery and buoyed. "This could take a while, so I'd better get on with it."

As he walked away, Elsie thought that he was being rather hard on himself. She'd wager that girl would be enchanted any way he turned up, and she couldn't very well blame her.

* * *

Smoothing down the dress she was now wearing, Anna took a deep breath before she made to descend the grand staircase. Her heart thundered in her chest, ready to leap out with each step she took, all leading her closer to her destiny. They were taking her there almost in slow motion, and she wondered whether additional stairs had been added overnight.

The first person she would see as she came down would be Mr Carson, and she felt nervous enough at the prospect of him waiting for her. He and Elsie were to be their witnesses to the ceremony, and Anna had asked him rather shyly, given that she was still in awe of him and the presence he gave off, whether he would mind giving her away, in the absence of her own father. After a few moments where he had been rendered speechless, he nodded his acquiescence before speaking it, a sheen of tears filling his eyes. Anna had never seen Mr Carson quite so emotional and it choked her up too; she never liked to be responsible for causing tears in the generation that preceded her. Yet she would never forget the fatherly kiss he left on her cheek, and the air of pride that composed him when he looked down at her, years of fond memories culminating and evolving into something new.

He had come into her view before she lifted her gaze from her considered steps, and she stopped a couple of stairs from the bottom, standing above as she smiled towards him, her hands circled together in front of her before they fell to her sides.

"Will I do, Mr Carson?" she asked joyfully but self-consciously too, eager for the elder man's approval.

His face was frozen, mouth held slightly open and unmoving. There was a glimmer that could be seen in his eyes, sparking more in the prolonged silence, and as Anna stepped down to his level, feeling smaller in the shadow of his towering figure once more, she watched the smile spread slowly across his face.

Anna was looking up at him like a child transfixed to the sight of their hero standing before them, blue eyes wide, waiting patiently for words to come from his mouth.

"You look a picture," he said, the wonder at beholding this young girl who had completely transformed in his eyes before him evident in his voice, the happiness that was radiating from her making her even more beautiful. She beamed towards him, eyes like sapphires, and his heart swelled for her, the daughter he had never been blessed with but was more than fortunate to have in his life. "You've turned into a wonderful young woman. Your father would have been so very proud of you."

Anna's smile became misty, the lump in her throat rising as she thought of the man who had been the most important in her life for so long, even years after his premature passing. She would have given anything for him to be here now to see her on this day, but she was lucky enough to have the next best thing.

They shared a smile between them, Anna stepping forward to begin her stride in his step.

"Goodness, how could I have forgotten? I spent long enough making it up for you."

Mr Carson beamed with pride as he held out the delicate little bouquet towards her, Anna gasping as she stroked the silk of the petals beneath her fingers.

"Thank you," she said shakily, fighting her way back from the verge of tears, "for everything."

He shook his head while he stayed smiling, holding his arm out for hers to link with it. She took it decisively, grasping onto the fabric of his suit jacket, feeling purpose fill her.

"You will always be welcome," he returned, his warm tone comforting her sudden burst of nerves. "Now, I think we have somewhere to be."

She nodded, exhaling a long breath between her lips before smiling, big and true. She felt calm once more as they began their matched steps, her smile growing even more as the room became nearer in sight.

* * *

Staring intently at the wall and the large painted landscape that adorned it, John knew that he had never felt more nervous in his entire life. Shifting from foot to foot restlessly, he brought a trembling hand up to toy with the top button of his shirt beneath the knot of his silvery blue tie, before clasping it back with his other again, the wringing motion he was performing only offering slight comfort. His heart was racing faster with every second that passed; he was sure he could feel beads of sweat inching across his brow. He must have looked a right state. Trying to calm himself down, he patted the pocket of his jacket. Feeling the indentation of the dainty ring against his fingers, he smiled to himself, a brief sensation of tranquillity before he was possessed with white hot fear again. His vision was starting to go blurry as his head filled with heat. God, this couldn't be the moment they had decided to take him from the earth.

Thinking he could hear soft steps against the plush carpet of the room, thrills started to race the length of him before he was even certain. Then there was a tap on his arm, and he caught Elsie's widening smile to the left of him before he turned around slowly.

Every breath in his body was suspended as he took in the most beautiful sight he'd ever been graced with in his life; nothing else came close, and nothing else would ever do so again. He wanted to freeze time to stay within this very moment forever, his mind working to capture every single bit to leave him with no other memories.

Anna was walking towards him, one arm clasped to Mr Carson and the other held in front of her, clutching a small bouquet of flowers in shades that matched her pale turquoise dress perfectly. It looked completely perfect on her, she was absolutely exquisite. Her golden hair fell swept over one of her shoulders, curls gracing her collarbone, and there was a light all around her, bathing her completely. Just as it should have been. She appeared like royalty that was far above him, a goddess, an angel sent from heaven to walk the earth. How someone as fine and full of grace and beauty as she was could want to promise herself to him would be an eternal mystery, but here she was, ready to do just that.

She was smiling all the while, and he noticed that she didn't stop, even as she paused to take a breath. If anything, her smile was growing wider and more beautiful the closer she was getting to him, entrancing him completely. She glanced down for a few seconds and then her eyes returned to him, shining with so much happiness he could never have imagined but had always hoped to see. Though there were few of them in the room anyway, everything else had fallen away and all he was aware of was her; the other half of him, all of him.

John wasn't able to stop smiling, eyes roving her as she stood in front of him now, her head craned up and her gaze fixed upon him. In her presence he felt grander than any king. She swayed a little, her dress floating where it stopped just below her knees.

He should have waited, but he couldn't resist dipping down, his lips very lightly brushing against her cheek, whispering to her before everything began.

"You look so beautiful. I can't wait to walk out of here, by your side," he paused for a moment as the smile stole his breath away, "as your husband."

Those words went right to her heart, the feel of his kiss tingling upon her skin, and she smiled up at him, unable to take her eyes from him for a second. Her heart had almost stopped with how handsome he was. He looked so dashing in his suit, waistcoat and all beneath his jacket. His tie was matched by the silk handkerchief peering from one pocket, and on the opposite side he wore a white flower offset with a sprig of heather in his buttonhole. His hair was slightly tousled and was almost irresistibly touchable, and she could have drowned in the depths of his eyes, smiling and full of joy as they rested upon her, making him look years younger. Somewhere she heard the registrar speaking but all she was able to think about was the perfect man before her, none other so perfect in the world, and she couldn't stop smiling.

Suddenly, the words became clearer in her ears.

"If you would repeat after me," the registrar said steadily. "I, John Michael Bates,"

As he followed, John's eyes were locked with hers, and Anna had to remind herself to keep breathing, completely overcome.

"I, John Michael Bates,"

"Take thee, Anna May Smith,"

As serious as he tried to remain, a light lit his eyes and his lips began to curve in a smile on hearing her name. "Take thee, Anna May Smith,"

"To be my wedded wife."

She was surprised that the thud of her heart wasn't reverberating around the room.

"To be my wedded wife."

How long she had waited to hear those words, and they sounded even sweeter than she had ever imagined. She worked hard to hold herself together as John uttered his vows, looking at her with a love that nothing else on this earth could match.

"To have and to hold, for better for worse; for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health. I promise to love, honour and cherish you, from this day forward and for all of eternity."

His heart was soaring as he watched the smile on her face grow; she was so perfect and she seemed even more heavenly in this moment. He would promise himself to her a thousand times over and more, lay down his life to ensure her everlasting happiness.

John's breath began to catch as he listened to Anna repeat the registrar faithfully, never taking her eyes from him as she spoke each word, the clear cerulean shade of her irises striking him right in his soul.

"I, Anna May Smith…take thee, John Michael Bates…to be my wedded husband." She smiled a little wider at the end of that, and John was overwhelmed with love for her. "To have and to hold, for better for worse; for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health. I promise to love, honour and cherish you, from this day forward and for all of eternity."

His beautiful Anna. He had always been hers, but now it had been sworn to the world, both of them declaring their affirmation of the vows they had stated. He would have wept if he didn't feel so strongly and so sure that his happiness was eternal and untouchable.

The rings were held out in front of them and Anna pushed her hand forward, eager to have the band that promised so much held in place on her hand. She retreated a little as the registrar spoke, and John had to smile at the flushed expression on her face, feeling as much anticipation.

"These rings symbolize in the durability of the gold the strength and purity or your love. As circles, they represent the hope that your love will be never ending and will be like each other's loving arms that encircle you in commitment."

Anna beamed at the words, feeling warmth gather all about and within her. The registrar nodded towards John, and she lifted her hand out, more restrained and graceful this time. She felt her heart leap as John rubbed her fingers softly before sliding the ring onto her finger.

"Anna, I give you this ring as a symbol of all we have promised and all that we share. It is a pledge of my commitment to you and a sign of my love for you."

Her own hand was steady as she took his up, so large and strong but holding so much comfort. She noticed the smile on his face stretching from the corner of her eye when she placed the thicker gold band there securely, pleased with how well it fit him.

"John, I give you this ring as a symbol of all we have promised and all that we share. It is a pledge of my commitment to you and a sign of my love for you."

They held each other's hand circled in their grasp, smiling as the registrar gave his confirmation, the words ringing delightfully in their ears.

"Anna and John, you have promised your love for each other by these vows, in blessed matrimony. It therefore gives me great pleasure to say you are now husband and wife, together."

Joy flooded Anna's features on the pronouncement, her shoulders scrunching up in delight and her smile bigger than it had ever been, the love and light radiating out from her through shining eyes. John mirrored her completely, his own smile warm and ecstatic, the crinkles gathering in increasing number at the corners of his eyes.

Charles and Elsie looked on at the happy couple fondly from behind, their arms looped together, and though he had married a countless number of couples the registrar was not immune from the special kind of joy borne from the obvious love that the two people before him shared.

"You may now kiss your bride."

They had leaned forward before the statement was finished, both eager to share in their first kiss as husband and wife. John gently gathered Anna towards him, one hand still held with hers, and their lips met softly and sweetly, the passion lying underneath given where they found themselves but all of the love they had for each other undeniably evident within. John could feel Anna's smile against his lips and as he lowered her to the ground again, catching the wonderful sight for himself again, he knew there was no happier man living than he was at this very moment, and indeed for the rest of what he hoped would be a long life with his wonderful wife.

As they walked out of the room, holding hands that had been joined together for all time and lost in the light of the other's smile, there were none so incredibly in love as John and Anna Bates.

* * *

It had been a perfect day, everything she had ever wanted and dreamed of and so much more besides. Anna felt no regret that they had chosen to marry in this way, knowing it was so right for them to celebrate the most important day just between them both. Her smile grew more every time the thought flew into her mind. They were  _married_  now. She gazed down at the white gold ring adorning her left hand and felt herself fill with indescribable happiness. It was all she could ask for, never wanting anything more. Throughout the day she had found that her eyes were drawn to the matching ring that rested snugly on John's finger, and each time she happened upon it she encountered such thrills racing through her. There was just something about seeing it, the symbol that told the world and reaffirmed to her that he was her husband that made her weak at the knees. Even these days not every man was obliged to wear a wedding ring but for John there had been no question about it. Anna remembered how he had been just as excited as she was about buying their rings, and the simple gold band he wore was more precious to her than any other object. She tried to hide her impish grin when she thought about how much of a turn-on it was to her too.

They had spent the first hour after the ceremony in something of a haze, just staring at one another in a kind of happy disbelief, smiling and laughing and wondering how it wasn't all a dream. Elsie and Charles had come over, congratulating them heartily, and after a little while left the younger couple alone again, out on the terrace that overlooked the loch and the picturesque horizon that surrounded them, so green and beautiful, with wild heather blowing in the distance. Despite the brisk chill of the February afternoon, Anna had no desire to retreat inside, pulling the cream shawl around her shoulders and bringing herself further into John's warm and ever-loving embrace. Her hair was swept by the wind, her cheeks rosy with a red flush of the cold but also too with the sheer bliss she felt now and would experience for a long time yet. Her husband's hazel gaze bathed her and she giggled as he never broke their contact, sighing happily when his tender lips brushed her forehead. She sunk further against him, her head upon his chest as his arms encircled her. Closing her eyes for a few minutes, she could truly not think of a better place to find herself.

"Do you think that'll be us one day?" he asked, his voice humming against her as he held her. "Out in the country somewhere, with a little hotel?"

Anna looked up at him, slightly bemused but utterly enchanting by his imaginings. She had never expected him to want to swap careers, and she had hardly thought about it herself, but now that he had mentioned it the thought seemed very appealing, somewhere far off in the future. Everything seemed possible and desirable with John by her side, and while she was in his arms it was even more so.

"I don't think this place can be called little," she laughed, her eyes travelling up to where the roof was nearly settled against the upper reaches of sky, and then finding their home back in his own once more. She made soft little sounds of appreciation feeling his fingertips drifting up and down her back, and smiled soundly at the idea he had set out, picturing them both pottering about and welcoming guests in a smaller residence. "But that would be lovely. Somewhere by the sea." Her gaze drifted for a moment out to the stretch of water and she could feel John smiling, well aware of her fondness as she spoke excitedly. "Maybe one day."

She turned in his embrace to see a grin on his face, one that set her heart and every part of her alight.

"Anything could happen," he told her, the happiness clear in his voice.

After enjoying a celebratory meal as guests of honour in the hotel, they had been able to swap the two room keys they had possessed for the one that unlocked the bridal suite. Elsie had looked very pleased when she handed it over to them, telling them to  _make the most of it_ , and Anna delighted in seeing the crimson blush that had laced John's features when he took the key and expressed thanks to Mrs Hughes for both of them. Their giggles of excitement soon turned to gasps as they opened the door and saw what was ready waiting for them. The room was the biggest and grandest Anna had ever seen, with its own spacious bathroom and a balcony that overlooked the grounds. A bucket with two bottles of champagne stood on the dresser, a fire was kindling in the corner fireplace and the bed was an entirely inviting four-poster, sumptuously dressed and decorated with an arrangement of flowers.

It must have been more than an hour, and they were still walking around in complete awe, discovering everything and still also revelling in the giddy restlessness that came with being newly wed. Anna had long since kicked off her heels and was wandering about the room in her bare feet, a glass held in her hand. She even seemed to like champagne today but had made the resolution to stop at two small glasses, having no intention whatsoever to be so tipsy that she wouldn't remember everything about what was to come. She was humming a song happily to herself as she examined some of the trinkets in the room, and when she heard a throaty chuckle she spun around on her toes, still feeling herself get quite light-headed at the sight of him.

John lifted himself from where he had been perched on the bed, making his way towards her as if he had been hypnotised. He had got rid of his suit jacket and tie not long after they had entered the room but was still clad in his suit trousers, crisp white shirt and grey waistcoat. That waistcoat was another thing that did strange and downright wonderful things to her, and she made a mental note to herself to make sure she could persuade him to buy more for more regular use. He was amused by the smile that curved her lips, smirking himself as he fit his hands snugly around her waist.

"And what is tickling you, Mrs Bates?"

Anna's expression changed at that, drifting into a more sentimental but equally delighted smile.

"I love hearing you call me that," she let out a contented sigh, gazing up into his eyes that were smouldering more the longer they stayed pinned to her. "I want you to call me that forever."

John smiled down at her, hands caressing the small of her back. "Gladly."

She melted at the simple word and the way he had said it. He had waited for this day just as fervently as she had, and all throughout he had enjoyed every minute. It was a difficult choice to single anything out of the day but the moment they had been declared man and wife had surely been the best of his life. As one of his hands stroked up and down the soft bare skin of her arm he marvelled at her, and how peaceful the entire world felt to him when he was surrounded by the wonder simply touching her could bring. She was utterly precious, something to be cherished and adored every single second that he was able. She bore his name, and he would never fail to be astounded by that fact. He would do everything he could to make her proud of it.

His caresses remained feather light as his hand drifted up to her shoulder, and then rose to cup her cheek. As the pad of his thumb rubbed little circles there, Anna could see that his eyes were darkening quickly, the desire burning beneath his gentle touch. She adored that he was so carefully composed of both qualities in equal measure, and she drank the look he was giving her in, his eyes searching every inch of her from head to bare feet.

"You know, I don't think I'll ever take this dress off," she uttered measuredly, trying desperately to keep the teasing out of her tone as she swung her hips a little. John's eyes rolled at the action and she teethed her bottom lip to stop her laughter bursting from her.

"I was hoping that wouldn't be the case," he said gruffly, his fingertips now tickling the back of her neck lightly and sending pleasant tingles dancing over her. His lips lowered to brush her earlobe and Anna sucked a breath in. "Maybe I can get to take care of that for you, then."

Now they were married it seemed that she was hopeless at acting coy or pretending that it wasn't exactly what she had wanted to hear. John's low chuckles were music to her ears and she looked up at him with a cheeky smirk marking her face, a sharp contrast to the elegant dress that she was clothed in.

"It was made for you, though," John smiled with softness in his eyes. The adoration in his gaze made it seem like the finest lady was standing before him, and though she would be quick to argue that she wasn't in the slightest she certainly felt like one in what was her wedding dress and with her husband's eyes upon her. "You look gorgeous every day but in this," he ran a hand down her side deliberately languidly, stroking the fabric that covered her, "you're breathtaking. When I saw you, for a few minutes, I thought I was a goner. That I'd already died and gone to heaven."

She tapped her hand lightly against his chest, giggling and tucking a strand of hair that had fallen loose from her ponytail back behind her ear.

"I had to make the effort," she said modestly, glancing down before locking her gaze with his again. "It's not every day that you get to marry the man of your dreams."

John pursed his lips, a faint gloss of tears appearing in his eyes as he shook his head softly, lost for words for a few moments. Anna was suddenly bashful again as he stood back to admire her.

"When you say things like that," he began, his voice a little shaky and heavy with emotion, "how can I not want to take you in my arms and cover you with kisses, for the rest of time?"

She smiled widely as he did the same; she would certainly have no complaints if that was how their future was to play out.

He let out a long breath, his gaze worshipping her. "You're perfect, you do know that?"

Anna shrugged, smiling genuinely as she embraced the loving words he gave to her. "If I am, it's only because I am loved perfectly."

He couldn't resist kissing her at that, a long and slow kiss that they both luxuriated in. His lips were attentive and almost unbearably soft as they stroked against hers, and she didn't know how she could string it out any longer, panting against his mouth, breaking away from the kiss before the passion engulfed her completely.

The night was still in its early dark but she was in another world, lost inside his eyes.

"I want to make this perfect for you," John said softly, his hands hovering by her sides. "Tell me what you want, and I'll do it for you, happily."

There was no question in her mind. Without realising, she said the words slowly, making him aware of all of her need.

"I want my husband to make love to me."

Both pairs of eyes lit up and both faces smiled; there was a new and electric thrill that surrounded them, now that they were wed it made everything all the more exciting.

John stroked his fingers against her cheek and then his lips captured hers, Anna meeting and furthering the kiss instantly. A series of kisses played out upon their mouths, each one deepening in ardour and intensity. Anna's hands trailed over her husband's jaw, inching around to sink into his hair. John made little muffled growls as she began to tug with light pressure, his own hands working their way down the curves of her body, his tongue teasing at hers and following the lead the rest of her body had set out.

Anna didn't think she could ever get enough of his blistering kisses, to her they were completely addictive. She reached up on her tiptoes for more, but he decreased the pace they were working up, brushing his lips softly against hers and giving her a wonderful smile which only made her want him more. His hands braced her hips, thumbs caressing against hipbones. Gently he turned her around, pulling her so that her back was flush against his chest. She smiled wickedly, a smile that he was unable to see but she was certain he was aware of. God knows she adored gazing at him but there was a certain frisson that came from being unable to see his face while he did the most wonderful things to her with his skilled hands and lips. His mouth was working upon her neck, and she arched her head to allow him better access, little gasps emerging from her when he left kisses that tingled upon the sensitive patches of skin.

His lips left her just long enough to uncover her shoulders, the sweep of his fingertips causing more electricity to travel over her. Anna hummed her appreciation as he trailed his mouth over, his fingers smoothing against one of the straps of her bra. Then his lips were darting all over her skin, leaving a path of kisses that varied in pressure, ensuring that she was always surprised by what came next. He carefully unclasped and unzipped her dress, fingers tender upon the flesh of her waist. She rocked her hips instinctively and pushed her bottom against him, feeling for herself how apparent his desire already was. He let out a sudden moan against her skin at her increasing actions, and she bit down on her bottom lip as his hands moved around to rest decisively just below her stomach.

"Christ, Anna," he breathed against her ear as they both stilled themselves for a moment, overwhelmed by the passion that was overtaking them. "I've married a very naughty girl."

She smirked as the tips of his fingers started to tap lightly against her bare skin.

"I know, I'm terrible for tricking you. What have you got yourself into?"

"Oh, I know exactly," John growled inbetween kissing her neck. "But I'm not even where I want to be, or where you want me to be, yet."

Anna smiled impishly, her head lolling back to meet his lips as they continued their caresses upon her skin. His hands had quested lower, and she began to shudder and shiver with anticipation when his fingers began to toy with the waistband of her knickers. She felt herself begin to pulse with only the thought of him touching her there, recalling all the pleasure he had bestowed upon her so many times before. One hand snaked down to caress her once through the thin piece of fabric and a breathy moan escaped Anna.

John radiated in his wife's cry, discovering unmistakably how ready she already was for him through her layers. His intention was to only heighten things for her, to make this night the most special she had ever experienced. One hand remained rested close to her centre while the other coasted downward to the silk of her thighs. He delighted in the wondrous feel of her soft skin, and then frowned a little in puzzlement when his fingers met with something else. He was soon smiling when he glanced down to see for himself the delicate lace circling the top of her right thigh.

Anna smiled even as she moved herself out of her husband's touch, eager to see his reaction to the garter she had bought especially.

"I had to keep to some kind of tradition," she uttered delightedly, her hand running against the edge of the ivory lace with blue silken bows resting upon her thigh.

John gulped, feeling flushed with heat and very glad that certain traditions were still observed. His hand joined with hers, and Anna sighed softly when his fingers trailed over and around the garment, she holding onto him and his strength. He was about to hook a couple of fingers in to guide it down over her leg, but a smirk crested his lips as he thought otherwise.

"Keep it on," he whispered to her, and Anna's smile graced her face beautifully, her lidded eyes burning into his. The thought that soon enough it would be the only stitch remaining on her flawless body made his blood heat intensely. She was wearing a baby blue bra and knicker set that had matched her dress, and he admired how gorgeous she looked in it before it the sensations building within him became too much to bear.

John wreathed kisses at her collarbone before his hands moved to draw down the straps of her bra. Anna allowed one to fall from her shoulder and then drew back, smiling up at her adorably confused looking husband.

"You're wearing far too many clothes for my liking, Mr Bates," she purred as his expression returned to a smile, he already working to undo the buttons of his waistcoat. "I think we should get this on a more equal footing."

"I did promise that."

He paused to look at her after he shrugged off the waistcoat, and Anna's heart jolted as she was struck by the momentous vows they had made to one another. Before she let him go on she kissed him soundly and softly, her arms draping around his neck. She loved him so much, and though they had all night to prove it, she needed this one moment to affirm it especially.

His eyes were warm upon her, smiling in the aftermath of the kiss she had fixed him with. A few moments of stillness and then he resumed, unbuttoning his trousers while Anna helped to take care of his shirt, raking her fingers through his chest hair. His hands brushed over her breasts, cupping them delicately in his palms. They were almost completely unclothed as they landed together on the bed, claiming each other's mouths once more while their hands wandered. Anna moaned against John's lips as he began to caress her breasts more fully, rolling the peaked nipples between finger and thumb. She arched her hips from the bed in response, pulling his lips closer down to hers before the need for breath became apparent. His ever-considerate gaze was searching hers, his hands lower now. Anna nodded, a smile drifting upon her lips while her eyes remained locked with his.

The last barriers that separated them were removed, John settling above her, a lock of hair falling over his forehead. He felt suspended in time as he looked at her, her loosened hair fanned out upon the pillow, deep blue irises sparkling, a pink blush upon her chest and the lobes of her ears. Bared before him, she looked incredibly beautiful. Gazing at her adoringly, he brought his hands up to cradle her head, one of hers meeting his fingers as they swept to the curve of her neck.

"I love you. God, I love you so much."

Anna smiled up at him, her fingertips stroking at the nape of his neck.

"I love you," she responded in a breath that was soon snatched away when his lips lowered to her again, kissing every inch of her skin that was available within reach.

Her cries shortened in distance, her body keening as it met his. The press of skin against skin would always send a charge through her, thrilling and beautiful in itself. She shifted herself naturally, only needing to reach a little bit further. Before she thought she would dissolve, her husband guided himself inside her, she welcoming him completely and blissfully. Anna couldn't hold back her moans at his considered motions that set her whole body and soul alight, drawing out slowly and then sliding deeper. His hands were tender against her, his lips soft upon hers. She couldn't believe how wonderful it felt. Every time was like the first, but so different and special each time.

John concentrated on lavishing his perfect wife's body in kisses, deliberate in his slow and steady rhythm. He fought the tingles as they began to rise and charge through him, needing and striving to make everything utterly sensual for her. She felt better than she ever had before as he enveloped himself deep in her warmth; she looked absolutely incredible to him with her face framed in ecstacy. Their hands also joined together in a perfect union, he dipped his head to brush kisses over her breasts. Through her sighs that filled his ears, he was aware that Anna had raised her leg, and as he continued to make love to her he felt the lace of the garter she still wore graze his thigh repeatedly. The sensation was dizzying, she began to tip her head back and cry his name louder, and he loved her. He loved her so very much. She clung onto him as she journeyed towards the end, her voice trailing away. He held her up while her body became limp with the pleasure she had experienced, allowing her the time to recover, kissing her face which scorched with heat.

Anna's breathing evened out as she still reclined on the amazing high her husband had sent her on. She placed one hand on his shoulder, feeling his muscles contract beneath her fingers, and sent her other lower to where they were still joined. With tender strokes, she felt the jolt of John's ecstasy rifle through her too, his deep groans sounding wonderful to her. This was what it was like to be united, by such powerful bonds of love and pleasure. She whispered to him, fingertips still dancing upon him, and it was enough to send him spiralling off the edge. Regarding him carefully, Anna felt just as much pleasure, stroking his hair softly between her fingers while he rested her head against her.

They couldn't bear to be separated, shifting just slightly to kiss each other slowly and deeply, arms circled in one another's embrace.

Once again in her life but somehow for the first time, she felt complete.

* * *

Anna descended on John's lips hungrily, having just about dragged him into their room and pushing the door closed with a firm tap of her foot. She broke away from his mouth just long enough to check that it was securely shut, sliding the lock in place, and then she clambered onto him again, arms thrown around his broad shoulders, her lips pressed to his leaving them both frantic and breathless. John's head was swimming with it all, not entirely sure in which direction he was being pulled but his body told him happily, responding with a certainty to his wife's insatiable actions.

As they stumbled across the room, lips still connected, he held out a hand to the dressing table that was handily in reach to steady himself.

"Bloody hell," he sputtered out, a smirk marking his reddened lips, "what's this in aid of? Not that I'm complaining."

Anna raised her eyebrows, clearly not impressed with his act of apparent innocence but unable to restrain the pure lust within her eyes.

"Oh, don't you play naïve with me, John Bates. You know very well." Her voice was heavy and rasping, and he found it incredibly sexy, almost unable to contain himself. "Quite frankly, I should be congratulated for making it through the whole evening without losing all self-control. How do you expect a woman to react when you wear something like…," her words were strangled as she tried to catch her breath, teething her lip, "…that?"

He followed her gaze down, smiling at his legs poking out beneath the blue and green tartan kilt. He recalled with a mischievous sense of achievement the way she had reacted when he had sauntered out of the bathroom earlier in the evening wearing it, having changed as they were about to go down for dinner. Her rosebud lips puckering, her breath shallow, a gorgeous flush overtaking her whole being. It had been about time she had a taste of her own medicine, the countless times she had emerged dressed in something that absolutely floored him and left him desperately willing time away. All night he had noticed that she had been fighting to keep herself composed, staring sometimes a little too long at the lower half of his body and playing footsie with him under the table as they dined. Make no mistake, it had been a feat of endurance for him too, keeping himself strong enough to resist those sultry, 'take me to bed now' eyes that were directed straight towards him for the entirety of the evening.

"This old thing?" He ran a hand at the waistband, his smile fighting against him to grow wider when he saw Anna licking her lips. "I didn't think it'd affect you in the slightest. We're in Scotland after all, it's hardly out of the ordinary. Didn't you see those other blokes in reception before? All perfectly normal, I'd say even boring, attire."

Anna was too aroused to roll her eyes and chide him, peeling the tights from her shapely legs. "They're not as downright sexy as you, though."

"Why, thank you…"

Before he could finish what he was saying, he was stopped short once more by Anna's lips crashing upon his, her hands roaming his back before grabbing at his rear decisively. She was being very racy indeed, and he couldn't stop himself smirking against her lips. Her slender body pushed up against his and a muffled moan of desire fell from him between their melded mouths.

"Take me," she breathed, a passion flashing in her eyes that he was astounded and thrilled to see. "I want you, now."

John looked at his new wife, skin flustered and hair tumbled, but full of determination. They shared a few more hungry and yearning kisses, her lips slipping from his mouth a few times, buttons almost being ripped from his shirt. With a swift motion he gripped his hands around her middle and hiked her up onto the dresser. Within his own quickly escalating desire he clung onto his strong sense of decency, asking her if she was alright. She breathed out a sharp 'yes', though her body affirmed it more firmly, her legs widening and bracing around him where he stood. Her passion had dictated that there was simply no time for her to cast off her clothes aside from her neat french knickers, which had been left on the floor. She had bunched up her dress past her thighs, and John almost couldn't believe the scene before him, only knowing that it was utterly beautiful. He slipped one strap down over her shoulder, leaning his weight against the dresser to leave warm kisses beneath her collarbone. Her hands hadn't ceased their exploration of him and were delving ever lower, fingers slightly clumsy in their impatience.

Casting a glance up into her eyes, he decided that the kilt had served its purpose. Standing out of it and kicking it to the side, he sighed as the cold air hit him, a relief to be free while she had been working him up. He could feel Anna's eyes upon him, her gaze hot on what she craved.

"My, Mr Bates, you are a true Scotsman," she rasped, and he flushed slightly, hardly believing he had spent the night like that but immensely glad he had now they were in this position.

"Very naughty of me," he said lowly, scorched by the burning look in her eyes.

"I like it, rather a lot."

The seductive tone of her voice was driving him wild, as was the silky smoothness of her legs either side of him. One of her feet ran up and down his calf, and John gasped sharply when Anna's fingers suddenly closed around his rigid length. Her hand was working skilfully, sliding up and down and squeezing gently. He had to jerk away, knowing he wouldn't be able to give her her own gratification if she continued in such a fashion. He gently ran two fingers over her soft and slick folds, amazed and intoxicated by her warmth, before pushing his hips forward. Husband and wife groaned out at the most intimate joining of their bodies, the angle they were at meaning he filled her completely and immediately. The pace was instant, Anna eagerly grinding her hips and causing him to follow with the movement of his own.

This encounter was spurred on by a primal kind of desire, completely different from how the rest of their honeymoon had been. The multiple times they had met on their wedding night had been slow and sensual, characterised by a need to know and appreciate each other completely. Every other time, even when they'd fallen somewhat unexpected into it, had their finesse too, leaving them joyful and astounded with the depth and patience of their love, always accompanied with its wonderful reward.

But this discovery had its delights too, most definitely so. John's brow scrunched as he worked with effort, thrusting again and again into Anna's velvet warmth, feeling her deliciously all around him. One hand braced upon the dresser, the other tracing the back of her thigh, grunts escaped him as he went harder and faster, encouraged by his wife's writhing. Anna was crying out, higher in pitch, gasping his name through her euphoria, nails digging into his back and her heels against his calves as her forehead rested against his shoulder. He was rather thankful that the room was situated far from the others with the way she was moaning with abandon, though he'd never heard a sweeter sound in his life. He was relieved to feel her tightening and as his fingers reached down to seek out the source of her complete undoing, rubbing furiously when he located the sweetness, she let out a screeching cry, allowing him to let go with a couple of powerful thrusts within her. That they'd reached their climax together for the first time since they were married was exhilarating and as his eyes connected with hers again, his hands running weakly over her sides still covered by her dress, he delighted in seeing in the beautiful sated smile on her face.

John craned further forward to brush her lips with quick kisses, the hair that had fallen ruffled over his head with the frantic pace they had gone at tickling her. He adored her quiet little giggles, his body flooded with love for the perfect woman he had married.

"Well," he uttered when he had regained the strength to speak again, his hand cradling the back of her head, "if I would have known I'd get that reaction, I would have worn it much sooner."

The laughter that escaped them both filled the room before it was silenced by the joining of their lips, John loving the way Anna's arms scooped around his shoulders, knowing he belonged to her always.

Married life certainly had a lot to offer.


	33. Chapter 33

"Anna May Smith, do you mean to tell me that you got married in the middle of nowhere, with nobody around to see it?"

Anna winced as her mother bellowed down the phone at her, feeling very much like she was 14 years old again and being told off for sneaking out of the house later than she should have done. Yet she could tell this would have more far reaching repercussions. There had been a prolonged silence of shock when she had first relayed the news down the line, and she wondered briefly whether her mother hadn't fainted from the trauma of missing her first daughter's wedding. She had moved quickly past that initial stage and was now on to being completely aghast and partly in denial. Anna was not so eagerly awaiting the violently weeping  _"but how could you do this to me?"_  stage, feeling it was nearer round the corner than she realised.

Gathering some courage and sighing inwardly, she braced herself to speak.

"Mum, Scotland  _isn't_  the middle of nowhere. And Mr Carson was there, you've said yourself that he's as good as family."

There came a quiet 'humph' from the other end of the line in reply.

Anna bit some skin from her bottom lip, catching the sunlight glinting from the rings on her finger. A sense of peace pervaded her and she felt reassured, the frantic sound of her mother's voice a million miles away for a few moments.

Coming out of her reverie, her voice was low as she continued.

"I think you might be exaggerating  _just a tiny bit_."

Almost as soon as she said it she regretted doing so, scrunching her eyes shut as a tirade flowed, resting her hand against her forehead. She waited patiently for her mother to calm down and catch a breath, and even after that she didn't dare speak again until it was absolutely necessary.

"…so no, Anna, I don't think I am exaggerating. I just, well, I just can't believe…"

She could hear the distinct sound of sniffling, and went cold. Her mother was trying valiantly to stifle her sobs, exhaling a long steadying breath which echoed down the phone.

"I can't believe you would do this," Susan gathered herself, her tone flat. "I'd expect it from Beth, but not from you. Never from you."

The guilt was being laid on extra thick now.

"We were so excited. We had plans…"

Anna was slightly confused and amused at her mother's use of 'we' as she spoke. "I know you were, Mum. And honestly, it wasn't meant to hurt or spite you. I just decided things were getting a bit overwhelming, and it didn't seem right to feel that way beforehand."

Susan sounded suspicious before she even resumed speaking. "So this was  _your_ idea? I know John doesn't like fuss…"

"Mum!" Anna couldn't help feeling offended at her mother's insinuations, pursing her lips to stop anything regretful from spilling out. "We decided between us, but yes, if you must know, I was the one who put it forward, and John went along with it. For my sake."

She recalled when she was up for her birthday, and their heart-to-heart sitting in the kitchen. Surely she didn't need to reaffirm the words she'd said then to her mother again now.  _He'd do anything to make me happy, and he makes me very happy indeed._

"So if you want to blame anyone, then blame me."

Susan sighed, a little whimper punctuating the end of it.

"Of course I don't  _blame_  you," she was relenting, very slowly, Anna could tell. "But I can't deny that I'm disappointed. Is your family that bad that you wanted none of us to share in your day with you?"

Clearly, she'd thought too soon as the guilt struck her firm again.

"Oh, Mum…"

Anna let her mum spill out her frustrations without interruption, feeling that it was the very least she could do in the circumstances. The emotions spiralled as if on a rollercoaster, and Susan was in the flow of another charged rant when John came through from the kitchen with a mug of tea, steam wisping from the top. Anna smiled gratefully up at her husband as she sat cross-legged on the sofa, butterflies whirling in her stomach looking at him dressed casually with his hair hanging over his forehead and a bit of slightly scruffy stubble lining his jaw. Now that he had placed the mug down onto the coffee table he was miming speaking and making a series of gestures, and Anna shook her head, having to stop herself from bursting out laughing at John's actions. She clamped her other hand to her mouth when the giggles threatened to emerge, muffling sounds of agreement to her mother. All the while she glared at John, telling him off silently while he sat opposite, grinning at her before sipping from his own tea.

"Okay, Mum. Yes, yes I will. We're both really busy with work, so you know…okay, speak soon. I promise. Bye, love you, bye."

The phone bleeped and Anna cradled it briefly in her hands before dropping her head into them instead, weaving her fingers tightly into her hair, a long sigh escaping her.

"Come on, a bit of tea will solve that. It'll go cold before long."

She glanced up to see John standing again before her, a smile pulling her lips upwards as he put the still warm mug into her hands, crouching down to her level. A simple look and smile from him had the amazing ability to turn her world right around.

"She's upset, then?" he enquired gently, rubbing his fingers over her knuckles.

"That's something of an understatement," Anna said, rolling her eyes. "I think that conversation contained every possible shade of human emotion. I suppose we should be grateful she's out of Hulk mode."

John's soft expression turned to a grimace. "Let's not put that image into our heads." He soon smiled again, smoothing his palms repeatedly and soothingly over her thighs. Certain sensations started to rise in Anna as he did so; she'd never properly fathom the wonder of his touch and how wonderful it always made her feel. "Still, at least it's over and done with now. Time to cool off, a big bunch of flowers and box of chocolates through the post, all will be well."

The look in Anna's eyes told that perhaps that wouldn't be the case, and she continued to teethe her lip, which was now sore with the way she'd been worrying away at it over the phone conversation.

"Out with it, gorgeous wife."

She nearly melted with the way he had said that, he could never fail to make her troubled thoughts fade away.

"Well, Mum has an idea of her own of how we can make it up to her."

Anna was sheepish as she relayed her mother's quite in-depth suggestion to John, not quite sure of how he'd take it, whether he'd be alarmed or unbelieving or simply resigned to his fate. He listened patiently as she went on, only the slightest hint of visible emotion breaking through to crack his otherwise unreadable expression.

"So," she paused to take a breath, eyeing John carefully from beneath her eyelashes, "what do you think to it?" She smiled a little as she was reminded of something he'd said weeks ago, before they were married. "I suppose you'll be getting what you wished for after all."

The silence lingered between them for a few moments, and briefly she had the idea that perhaps he'd been having her on with all that. That was until she could see the smile gradually creep up onto his face, shining through his eyes first of all.

"Well, it'll be a bit of a stretch," the words rolled from his tongue slowly. "Waiting at the bottom of the aisle, seeing you look absolutely stunning once again." A smile that made everything much more than just okay. "But I think I can survive."

Anna was flooded with relief, and thankful that she'd married such a patient man who wasn't just willing to do what it took to make her happy, but would follow the rules set out by her family too. She took him by surprise a little; he choked out laughter as she threw her arms around his neck, hugging herself to him as she leant over the edge of the sofa. Breathing in his scent deeply, she brushed her lips against his cheek, his rough stubble grazing her.

"You needn't do it just to please her," she looked into his eyes which were unwavering despite all she was saying. "I'd understand, and Mum would too, eventually."

He took her face in his hands, making her smile with his tender touch and laugh as she balanced precariously on the edge of her seat, though she was completely supported by him.

"Anna, I could not think of a better day, and I'm not saying that to get on your mum's good side." The backs of his fingers glided over her cheek, arriving to cup her chin, making her gaze into his eyes that were so warm. "I would marry you a million times over, of course doing it once more doesn't bother me. It thrills me."

She was ecstatic at hearing that, even if she knew it was true deep down. And even with all the fuss that was bound to occur, she was thrilled to know she could get to do it again too.

* * *

The church blessing in Yorkshire went smoothly, with surprisingly little interference from Anna's mother about how to go about things. They went up a couple of days early to enable Anna to find a dress and get fitted, and there had been tears all round when she emerged from the dressing room, not least from herself too. It may not have been her actual wedding dress but it still made her feel immensely special, and there was something about the situation and tradition of it that caught her. John had been similarly struck when he saw her for the first time that day in the church; Anna would always remember the way he looked at her, following her path once more, dabbing at his eyes as he beamed a smile through his emotion. Aside from Beth complaining that she resembled a Quality Street sweet in her flowing dark purple maid of honour dress, the day went without any hitches, another special memory to treasure. Her mother was never far from sight throughout, her proud smiles making all the difference. When she took both of their hands in hers after the ceremony, Anna couldn't stop smiling as Susan welcomed John properly into the family, knowing how much it meant for all of them.

Sitting across from each other in the restaurant, they were finishing up on relaying the day to Mary and Matthew, the long overdue celebration they'd promised to have with them to celebrate their engagement months back finally coming to pass. While Mary was pushing the remainder of her food round and round her plate, the screech of cutlery on the china plate setting Anna's teeth on edge, Matthew was smiling brightly, taking in everything they'd said enthusiastically and with genuine interest.

"That all sounds fantastic, you must have had such a great day. Both days," he pointed out cheerily, gaining smiles from Anna and John in turn. "Yorkshire, sounds like a lovely place to get married." As he spoke, Anna could see that Matthew was trying to meet his fiancée's eyes, which were still staring down at the table. He took a quick gulp of wine when he couldn't attract her attention. "I've actually got family in Manchester, and I went to university there as well. I wouldn't mind going back sooner rather than later." Matthew lifted the glass to his lips again, clinking it back down on the table awkwardly once he'd finished. "Mary, what would you say to a wedding up North?"

The look that was shot across the table was enough to kill everyone there stone dead without any words. Matthew even reeled back a little in his chair on being on the receiving end.

"I was joking, of course," he coughed out abruptly, fiddling with the tablecloth and nearly bringing the candle that was sitting atop crashing down.

Anna and John exchanged a glance with one another, Anna pursing her lips as John raised his eyebrows, concealing the smirk threatening to rise on his face. It soon vanished when he turned to Matthew, whose dejected expression was enough to extinguish any amusement.

"Time for another bottle, if the ladies want one," John broke the uncomfortable silence that had descended, emptying the remaining droplets between the three glasses, leaving his own out. "And for you as well, Matthew."

"I'll get it." Matthew was on his feet immediately, seemingly desperate to get away from the table and a heavily sulking Mary, already fishing his wallet from the back pocket of his trousers.

John stood too, holding his hand out. "This one's on me. But you'll have to come up and say the name," he nodded at Matthew before turning to wink at Anna, "I missed out on all my French pronunciation in school."

The pair of them walked off towards the bar, leaving Anna and Mary sitting side by side at the table. Looking at her friend cautiously, seeing her mouth turned down in a fixed pout and her gaze settled elsewhere, Anna had an inkling that whatever was the matter was more than just a lovers' tiff.

"Is everything okay?" she ventured with soft words, reaching out to place a hand on Mary's arm and then putting it on the table-top between them when Mary twitched away, seeming to anticipate the action.

"Fine," Mary replied shortly, twiddling the pendant of her necklace between her fingers, allowing a somewhat bitter smile to emerge. "Positively splendid."

"Well, you could tell it to your face," Anna chuckled, earning her a glare that was almost on par with the one Mary had aimed at Matthew minutes before. At least Mary was looking at her now; that was some kind of progress. "I'm sorry, that was a bit uncalled for. But you've been off all night, and I don't like seeing it."

It hadn't just been this evening if she was being truly honest; something had been strange for days now, weeks even. Chalking up the time, it didn't seem coincidental. Surely Mary couldn't have been jealous that she had beaten her to getting married, especially considering their respective plans.

"This is your celebration night, after all," Anna added as a final reassurance, holding both hands up by her sides. "I've no intention of stealing your thunder."

Mary let out a sharp laugh before her mood turned quite suddenly, and she seemed to look even sorrowful.

"Did you really think I was worried about that?" she replied, her voice softer than usual, her brown eyes imploring as she shook her head and then sighed heavily.

"Well, I don't know," Anna countered. "You've not exactly been very forthcoming, and I didn't want to think I was making you uncomfortable." She gazed into her lap, wringing her hands and unconsciously hiding her rings from view. She stilled them at once, placing her left hand carefully on top of her right. She had made her decision – the  _right_  decision – and Mary would just have to learn to live with it. "I'm sorry if you thought it was rash, but you know that it wasn't in the slightest. As much as I love you, we're very different people and it's going to follow that we're not going to want to do everything the same way. It was my wedding, and I did it how I wanted. I know it didn't please everyone, but there you go."

She sighed out any slight regret she held quickly and then brightened with a smile as she looked to Mary once more.

"It doesn't mean I can't still squeal over things with you," she offered, catching sight of a very brief and very small smirk from Mary.

As quick as it was there, it disappeared again, and Anna wasn't sure what else she could do.

"It's not that," Mary finally gave way, letting her icy exterior crack. "It's your life, Anna, of course you can do whatever you want. I'm not in a position to rule you. It's just…I thought you might have thought differently. Been a bit more considerate."

She felt a bit of a sting at Mary's words, her usual preservation having melted away. They hadn't been so unreasonable, and the first thing they did when they had gotten back was to share the news, which had been received well. The last thing they'd intended was to be inconsiderate of anyone's feelings.

"John is Papa's best friend. He'd never say it, and he wouldn't be best pleased if he knew I was saying it, but it upset him to know that he wasn't there. Really, he's like family to us." She paused for a moment, her eyes clearing as she turned in towards Anna. "And, the same goes…well, I've never had a friend like you before in my life. You are my best friend."

Mary had reached forward across the table, and she had taken hold of Anna's hand. A few tears were springing at Anna's eyes, and though she tried her utmost to hold them back, they appeared for Mary too.

She quickly let go of Anna's fingers, looking to the side and shrugging. Mary was not one for exaggerated displays of affection, but the moment had been enough to reflect her feelings and it had made an impact with Anna.

"Mary, I'm sorry. I didn't really think…that is, I didn't expect you'd feel like this."

"It's nothing," Mary shrugged once more, her façade building back up again although she didn't seem quite so annoyed at everything now. "It  _did_  all sound lovely, and I'm so happy that everything went so well." She smiled sincerely. "I just would have liked to have been there to celebrate with you, that's all."

Anna nodded and smiled back, patting her hand against Mary's arm. Though she wouldn't have swapped their day for the world, perhaps she hadn't realised that they had been a touch selfish. Mary's friendship was important to her, of course it was, and the Crawleys had made such a difference to her life, and John's too – he would be the first to admit that.

"Aside from more wine, is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

Mary propped her chin onto her upturned palm, deep in thought. After some moments, she cast a sideways glance at Anna.

"I don't suppose you could acquire Ryan Gosling for one of the upcoming events?"

Anna bit back a laugh. "And what would Matthew have to say about that?"

"It's alright, he knows about my list." Mary gave a nonchalant toss of her head, and both women dissolved into raucous giggles, still helpless with laughter when their men arrived back.

Hopping to her feet, Mary scooted around the table, unhanding the bottle of wine from Matthew and placing a sound kiss on his cheek. Though perplexed, Matthew decided not to question the sudden change in Mary, rolling with it and welcoming her as she snuggled against his shoulder, in happy view of the rest of the diners.

John smiled over at Anna, finding his own opportunity to go around and steal a kiss of his own, which was happily given.

"Everything sorted?" he whispered into his wife's ear.

"For now," Anna gave in reply, running her fingers over his cheek before leaving a kiss there.

* * *

"I thought Gwen was going to keep me on the phone all night," Anna exclaimed, putting away her clothes in the wardrobe as she got ready for bed. "She's absolutely full of ideas for the 'hen night', including a bar crawl around all the haunts we used to visit at uni." She tutted, standing still at the foot of the bed for a few moments, stealing a glance of herself in her strappy-top pyjamas in the mirror. "I've no doubt she'd be able to do it, but I just can't keep up anymore. Not that I was ever much of a drinker to begin with. I'm dreading what she'll say if I suggest something quieter."

She waited to get a response from John, who was already underneath the covers. The only thing she detected was a faint hum of agreement, some minutes after she had paused. Turning around, Anna was aghast at the sight she discovered.

"John! I thought I said, no work in bed." She cringed at the sound of herself; they'd been married just over a month and the last thing she wanted to turn into was a nagging wife. But it was the only rule that she had decided to impose and wanted to stick to, for his sake more than anything. She raised her eyebrows as he looked up pleadingly at her, fixing him with a pointed look. "That's how it all starts, the slippery slope downhill."

He had noticed the teasing in her voice, casting his eyes back down to the manuscript he was holding.

"Just one more page, I promise."

Anna rolled her eyes at him as she padded over to the bedside, intrigued to see what had him so engrossed. She also had to confess to loving watching him reading, it was quite a show to witness. The way his face would focus in rapt concentration, the excitement and passion that overtook him when he found something especially gripping absolutely endearing to her. Not to mention that she found him incredibly attractive – even more so than usual – when he was wearing his black-rimmed reading glasses. At the moment they were slipping gradually down his nose, tantalising to track. Before she could reach out to push them up, he did the job for her.

"It's quite good, actually," he announced, eyes scanning the last few sentences he'd put aside to read. "Could do with a few changes and tweaks here and there, but the premise is interesting. It's about an undercover female assassin, who has a completely different life when she's away from the city. Ridding the world of injustice."

Anna craned over where she was sitting on the edge of the bed beside him. "Hmmm, very girl power. Maybe I'll have a look when you're finished."

"Not in bed, though," he shot back, placing the manuscript out of her reach. Anna tilted her head to the side in mock-disapproval before letting out a giggle which made John's eyes light up. "I think that's what's got me so involved, she sounds like a fantastic woman."

"Oh, really?" Anna replied, the merest hint of disguised jealousy in her voice.

"Yep. Smart, resourceful, sassy…" he reeled off the list of qualities in a dreamy tone, staring off into space before he turned his intoxicating gaze towards her again. "…blonde."

She smiled as he furrowed his brow at her, a delicious smirk gracing his lips.

"Well, she sounds perfect."

"Almost," he replied. "She is six foot, though. I can see where that would be an advantage, but I prefer a more petite lady."

Anna scrunched up her nose. "Can't be towering over you when she's in heels."

"Certainly not," he followed without missing a beat. "I'd say around…5'2''? Now that would be perfect."

"You charmer." Anna laughed underneath his appreciative gaze, feeling herself still burn with the purpose of his words. Her hand reached down to link with his where it lay just above the duvet cover, and she sat staring at how they were entwined for some moments, lost in her thoughts; something which was always too easy to do when they were alone.

The silence between them was comfortable; they both still revelled in these times, the novelty exciting but the prospect of knowing they'd spend the rest of their nights in much the same way making them happier above all. After the trials and tribulations they'd both faced, apart and together, the reward seemed more than deserved. Whatever was to come, and they didn't fool themselves that it would all be so perfect, they'd face it knowing that at the end of it all they'd have this safety and love to return to, always.

What was troubling them right now was far less of a concern, but it still mattered to John, his heart physically aching to think that Anna was being put out in any way. After some discussion, and receiving more than a fair bit of persuasion from all sides, they'd agreed that they would have a belated reception to celebrate their union with their closest friends. It wouldn't be anything too extravagant, and in truth they were both looking forward to it, having enjoyed their private and quiet wedding. That day had been solely for them, free from anyone else's expectations and to share in the love they had for one another, just the two of them together. They were blessed to have friends who understood their need to do that and were eager to mark the special time in retrospect. Yet Anna's wellbeing was placed above all else for him, and she would not get herself stressed out about the proceedings if he could help it, and he would.

"Gwen's your friend, if you tell her you don't want a mad one then she'll understand." He rubbed his fingers over her hand in slow, comforting motions, coaxing a smile from her that lifted his heart. "This might be for everyone else to enjoy with us, but it's on our terms. That goes for the day itself too."

Anna nodded down at where his hand was covering hers, a smile curving the corners of her lips upwards. She had every intention of sticking to her guns, but a word of reassurance from her husband always helped. Lifting her eyes to find his gaze soft upon her, she felt herself begin to melt, the weight and worry of the world that was lifted from her shoulders making her feel so light that she nearly slumped down upon his chest.

"And we'll always have Scotland," he reminded her at just the right time, eyes twinkling as his hand stroked down her arm.

Tingles rose within her recalling what had been the most perfect few days of her life.

"What I'd give to be back right now," she sighed, her happiness sounding through most of all. "Walking through the glens, looking up at the sky…staring at the ceiling afterwards," she chuckled impishly, watching the smirk cover John's face too.

"I know, my love. Memories I won't forget in a hurry." His voice was soft and sentimental, his smile enchanting as it held her where she sat. "You wore me out that much, it's no wonder that I'm always in bed early now. It takes me a little longer to recover these days, you should know."

"I didn't hear you complaining at the time," she retorted happily, still basking in the glow of all she had accomplished.

"And I never would. The only cause I'd have to complain is if you don't join me in the next few minutes."

John adjusted the covers to reveal Anna's side of the bed, and she smiled as she made to lift to her feet, looking across to her bedside cabinet. She frowned when she discovered that the pot of moisturiser was missing, but she didn't have to look very far to locate where it had got to. Unscrewing the lid, her suspicions were confirmed when she noticed that a sizeable glob had been scooped out and John's head lowered to the covers as she turned her gaze to him.

"Have you been using this?" she questioned, not really knowing why she was accusing when she already knew the answer. "It's £80 a jar!"

"I'll buy you another," he promised with a smile, lifting a hand to smooth the skin at his jaw. "Besides I'm more in need of it than you are. Look at that – 'anti-ageing'. Got to start now if I'm going to keep up with my beautiful, younger wife."

Anna laughed as she swiped another small blob of the mixture onto the end of his nose, luxuriating in one last look at him spectacle-clad before she lifted them from his face, John happily passive to her actions.

"I happen to think you are thoroughly gorgeous just the way you are, John Bates."

* * *

As John had been dragged out on the town with the boys, Robert arguing the point that he'd never had a 'proper' stag night, the girls had gathered round at the house for Anna's hen party, which involved lots of wine, nibbles and cupcakes that Anna had spent most of the afternoon baking. Mostly they were assortedly sat around chatting about anything and everything, Daisy being perched on the arm of a chair as Edith knelt in front of her, painting her nails a shade of peachy pink. In the middle of the room, Gwen and Sybil had rolled up the rug and moved the coffee table out of the way while they bounced around, laughing wheezily and dancing to the '90's CD they had fished out of Anna's side of the CD collection.

"Oh, turn it up!" Sybil shouted above the music as the first bars of  _C'est La Vie_ by B*Witched played out. "I used to love this song when I was little. I used to try and Irish jig every time I listened to it."

"Which was on repeat, for nearly a month solid," Cora piped up from the corner, wine glass in hand. "I remember having the very real dread that the ceiling was going to come crashing down more than once. Your father had to hide the CD because he was going to start a fight otherwise."

"Do you fight like your da as well?" Gwen yelped as she crashed against Sybil, sending the pair of them into giggles as they started to do their best take on Irish dancing, legs flailing and Gwen's arm lifting as she craned to higher the volume of the stereo.

"Not too loud," Anna strained to make herself heard as she reached forward to dig into the bowl of crisps, "I don't want to startle Mrs Berry next door."

Gwen observed the request, lowering the music before resuming dancing with Sybil, their energy not waning a bit.

"Pass it here," Mary gestured for the CD case that was sitting on top of the table. Edith handed it over, standing and waiting for a 'thanks' which Mary muttered reluctantly when Cora gave her a cautioning look, before she went back to finishing up Daisy's nails.

Anna shuffled closer over to Mary, running her eyes down the tracklist, cringing inwardly at the majority of the cheesy songs that she recalled listening to as a teenager, many that she danced around her bedroom to and could likely still sing the words to off by heart given a single listen. Both let out a little shriek when they came across one band in particular.

"Backstreet Boys," Anna sighed, looking off dreamily for a moment. "They were my absolute favourites. Nobody else came close."

Sybil stopped hopping about long enough to turn and look accusingly at her eldest sister. "Mary had the biggest crush on Nick Carter. She even had a framed picture of him by her bedside, and she used to kiss it every night before she went to sleep." She giggled wildly, causing her ringlets of hair to bounce around her head. "And don't try to deny it, Mary. I saw the lip prints on the glass."

As Mary turned a shade of crimson, Anna reminisced about her days as a fangirl, hardly believing it was that long ago. "Nick is all yours, just so long as you stay away from Kevin," she turned to grin at Mary, taking a sip of wine to stop her cheeks from flushing. "I lay claim to him when I was 16, and he's still mine."

"So you've always been into older men, then?" Gwen remarked cheekily, causing whistles from Sybil and gasps from the rest, while Anna simply held her hands up.

"I admit it without any shame whatsoever," she answered, appearing completely refined as she sat back on the sofa with her glass, crossing one leg over the other at the knee. "And maybe one day I might tell you what you're missing out on."

That caused more whoops of delight to reverberate around the room, Anna smiling rather smugly as Gwen pouted and then laughed along too.

"No, you can keep your boyband members and film stars," Anna said happily and with complete confidence, "because I have the most perfect man in the whole world."

There came a chorus of 'aww''s from the rest of the girls as Anna reclined in her bliss, before counter-arguments started to filter in.

"Well, that's where you're wrong, because my Tom is the most perfect man," Sybil smiled widely.

"No, my Anthony is."

"And my William too."

"Okay, okay, we all have wonderful men in our lives." Having started it all off, Anna sought to bring some peace to the proceedings. "But John is the best," she whispered quietly into her glass, foolishly smiling to herself.

Gwen looked rather sheepish as she clambered across the room to reach her drink. "And I can't even argue the case for the single girl…because I'm not single anymore."

All eyes turned towards her with smiling and slightly shocked faces, except for Sybil who seemed to already be in on the secret.

"And when did this happen?" Anna enquired to her best friend, who was now glowing almost the same colour as her hair under all the heated attention.

"A month or so ago," she replied, relaxing as she took a few sips of wine and leaving them all hanging from the edge of their seats waiting to hear more. "His name's Sidney, and he part-owns a club in Soho. He's friends with my little brother, although he is older than him. I've known him for a while, and things just…happened."

"Will you be bringing him to the reception?" Mary asked.

"Maybe, it's early days, we're just having a bit of a laugh for now." Anna could tell from her friend's expression that she wanted more than that, though she wasn't willing to give more away right now. "We'll see."

"No pressure," Anna smiled reassuringly from where she sat. "I'll look forward to meeting him whenever I do."

Gwen nodded back with a rather shy smile of her own, and Anna was charmed to see it, feeling rather protective of her oldest friend suddenly.

"So we're all coupled up now," Sybil exclaimed cheerily, lifting up her glass in a toast. "That's pretty cool."

"But we still need to fix Evelyn up with someone," Edith chipped in. "Poor thing, I still don't think he's over Mary turning him down when they were at school. Though he had a lucky escape if you ask me."

Before Mary could make a sharp-tongued retort, Cora was up, retrieving the wine bottle as a pretence for standing as referee between her two warring daughters.

"There's no need to worry about him, Edith, he's an intelligent and good-looking man who's perfectly capable of finding his own date," Mary chose to take the more dignified road instead, not taking the bait. "Anyway," she clapped her hands, "the boys are out of sight for tonight. Let's leave them to it and change the subject."

While Gwen and Sybil went over to the stereo to skip through the tracks on the CD and Daisy, Edith and Cora chatted amongst themselves, a brief and rather unexplainable feeling swept over Anna. She managed a smile at Mary before she stood up from the sofa, raising her voice a bit to be heard above the music.

"I'm just going to go and bring the rest of the cakes in from the kitchen."

She leant against the counter, stealing a look at her phone while she got a few moments peace. She wasn't sure why she felt this way; surely she could go one night without being with John, or perhaps the situation had intensified even further now that they were married. She could legitimately worry about him now, being his next of kin. But she wasn't worried, really. She trusted the boys not to go too wild; give it a few hours and he'd be back home, sprawled out on their bed after a little help from her getting upstairs. It wouldn't be that he'd had too much to drink, just that he'd be shattered from being out since half six.

Anna was stifling her giggles at the image, smiling at the thought of snuggling up beside him on top of the bed while he was still fully dressed, when Mary sauntered in through the archway.

"What's so funny?"

"Oh, nothing," Anna replied, composing herself. "Just something that came into my head."

"Okay then," Mary narrowed her eyes at Anna as she took her glass over to the sink. "If married life means that you start to lose your marbles, then I have a lot to look forward to."

"Thanks very much," Anna tutted, causing Mary to start giggling and then doing the same herself. Checking one last time to see if any messages had come through since a minute ago, she placed her phone down on the counter next to her, letting out what she thought was a rather silent sigh, until it was obvious that Mary had noticed, the two women's gazes meeting across the short distance.

"I'm sorry if you feel press-ganged into this whole thing," Mary started, remorse evident in her soft stare. "We shouldn't have made you feel like you needed to do something. At very least,  _I_ shouldn't have gone on about it." She finished polishing her glass clean with the tea towel, twirling the stem in her fingers. "You know me, like a dog with a bone all of the time."

Anna smiled, shaking her head at her friend. "No, it's fine, honestly. I know it's only because you care, and I can't complain that you do." There were shrieks of laughter coming from the sitting room which instantly made her happy; she was utterly thankful for the friendship she had from everyone that was there around her. "It's been a fun night. Very civilised. Much to Gwen's regret."

"I don't know, she seems to be having a pretty good time dancing with my sister. They could give Beyonce a run for her money. Maybe." They both laughed at that; whatever the girls lacked in skill they more than made up for in enthusiasm. "Anyway, we have the right to be civilised now, being in serious relationships."

Anna looked pleased, revelling once more in the changes in her life as she considered them again, while Mary seemed to hesitate for a moment.

"God, don't you find it scary sometimes?" Mary divulged, seemingly out of nowhere. "I mean, this is it. Apart from having kids, there's nothing left to do. We're actually grown-ups."

Her eyes widened within her head as she searched for the bottle opener, scattering on top of the counter for it. Anna passed it into her hands coolly, and Mary let out a laugh, realising she was getting into a bit of a flap. Putting down her glass, she placed her hands on her hips.

"I love Matthew, I really do. But sometimes I find myself thinking at night about how I'll be tied to him for the rest of my life. And it seems too much to comprehend, for a few moments. I hope he thinks the same, otherwise I'm screwed."

They shared another chuckle, before Mary asked the golden question.

"What's it like to be married then? As good as everyone makes it out to be?"

Anna couldn't stop the smile from splitting her face; her ecstatic expression probably said everything for her without her needing to answer.

"I can't speak for everyone, but honestly, it's wonderful."

She was fully aware that she was still considered to be in the honeymoon phase, and eventually this kind of euphoria would pass. But she never imagined that it would between her and John. From waking up next to him to having his face as the last thing she saw before she closed her eyes each night, he made every single second of the day better than she ever imagined it could be. Even when they were apart for the briefest periods, like tonight, she felt her heart beat out of time and though a part of her was missing. She was always able to feel the print of his lips against hers and his arms wrapped around her waist, and to know that he was hers for life gave her more joy than she could ever know.

She shook herself out of the daydream she had slipped into, meeting Mary's anxious gaze with warm and smiling eyes.

"I can't properly explain it," she bit back the grin that had formed with not much success, "I know only that I am now who I was meant to be."

Mary smiled at that, almost as much as Anna did, the realisation apparently just hitting her now and sending sparks fluttering within her chest.

Before they went back into the sitting room, Mary caught hold of Anna's hand and gave it a little squeeze. It seemed that any doubts she had were now allayed and the smile she gave told not just of her own happiness but for true joy for her friend too.

When they got to the door, Sybil barged over to them, phone cradled in her hand. For a split second, anxiety surged up in Anna as she noticed how breathless Sybil was, but the grin she soon wore said there was nothing to be worried about.

"Tom just text me and said where they've all ended up," she babbled excitedly to a confused looking Anna and Mary, who were still standing in the doorway. In the next second, Sybil grabbed onto Anna's hand, starting to lead her back into the hall and towards the stairs. "I've come up with a brilliant idea."

* * *

"Whose idea was this again?" John huffed, casting an accusing glance at a far too enthusiastic looking Tom, who was sitting opposite. "The '90s were bad enough the first time around, as I remember."

"Well, you've always got the other option," Robert leaned in, pulling the plastic bag up from where it lay by his feet. "Lamppost, handcuffs, boxers and the shirt of your choosing."

John had been less than impressed but everyone else had found it absolutely hilarious when at the start of the night Robert had proudly presented him with three football jerseys – one Arsenal, one Liverpool and one Manchester City – with 'Bates 47' emblazoned on the back.

"Not a cat in hell's chance," John replied firmly, jabbing a finger towards Robert who was grinning widely.

He let out a quick sigh and decided to say no more; a '90s karaoke night in a pub was definitely the lesser of two evils, and at least it was rather comfortable. Tom had bagged them a prime spot on one of the long couches, directly facing the stage. At this minute the younger man was intently scanning a list in front of him, not taking notice of Matthew and Evelyn as they tried to engage him in their conversation.

"What do you think, lads," he looked up towards John and Robert in deep contemplation, and the two simultaneously leaned forward to catch what appeared would be a question of much significance. Tom held up the laminated songlist in his hands. "Robbie Williams or Ricky Martin?"

John put his head into his hands while Robert chuckled heartily. After a few moments John couldn't help but join in the hysterical laughter, and Tom looked genuinely perplexed as he couldn't get out a comprehensible answer from either of them, so he moved further along the seats to canvas opinion elsewhere.

Beforehand, John had been full of trepidation about the evening, not knowing quite what Robert had in store. Despite his pleas for something low-key, he was aware that he had already denied his best friend the chance to perform best man duties once before, all those years ago when he had all but severed contact from most people, and so he felt it was only fair that he play along. He found himself a little envious of Anna, getting the chance to enjoy a quiet night-in. Then he worried that perhaps he really  _was_  getting past it; were those nights when he would happily stay up as dawn was close around the corner really all those years ago? Yet to his relief and enjoyment it had been a great night. He should never have doubted him, as aside from the football shirts, Robert had judged everything perfectly. All of the guys had had a laugh with just the right levels of raucousness, and John had to admit that it was fantastic to celebrate the wonderful occasion with the group who had become good friends to him in the past months. For too long he had only been able to count the true mates he had on one hand – well, on one finger alone – and while his family was still relatively distant, it was a blessing to have so many stand-up guys around to depend upon. Looking around, they were all laughing and joking – even Anthony had loosened up after a couple of pints – and the good spirits were still running high, bringing an appreciative smile to his face.

Yet the longer the night went on, John found that he was missing Anna more and more. Now that all of their nights were spent together, whether they were out with others or just by themselves, he found that he was even more intoxicated by her; her sweet smile, her gorgeous laugh, the way she would seek out his hand to hold whenever she could and how she could look at him with those beautiful eyes and make nothing else matter. A few hours without her were like years of separation. What he'd give now to wrap himself around her, take in her warmth and scent that was simply like home to him; he had the luxury of knowing he would go back to her arms for every night of his life, and that was the greatest treasure that could ever be.

He had thought he was being subtle as he stole a look at his watch, but he had obviously failed, given that he knew himself it had been more than just one glance he had took.

"Keeping you from somewhere, are we?" Robert's voice sounded in his ear, and he turned to give a rather sheepish look at his friend. Robert was smiling quickly enough, clapping a hand to John's shoulder. "I remember that time well. Newlyweds…days full of wonder, and nights too." He gave a knowing wink and a nudge of his elbow. "Not a minute goes by when you're not thinking about them, or what you could be doing with them."

"Yes, and I remember that time as well," John retorted, thinking about when he had played third wheel to Robert and Cora throughout more than half their time at university, and for too long afterwards. "At least I can say that I know what it's like now. Better late than never, eh?"

He felt himself smiling foolishly as he said it. He had cursed himself for so long months ago, wishing that the fates could have conspired earlier and he could have met Anna so much earlier, when he might have had more to give. How different the path of his life would have been if she had been there, with all of her love and comfort. He didn't think that way now, knowing for certain that everything had worked out almost completely for the best, in both of their cases.

"And the same goes for tonight," John added, raising his glass towards his best mate, who shook his head and the praise away modestly. "I am sorry that you couldn't have seen it, mate. We both are. But you know…"

"Of course I do," Robert assured before John could even finish. "It was yours and Anna's day, and God only knows you deserved it. If it was half as wonderful as mine and Cora's, then I know it was bloody amazing."

John smiled, already sentimental for the day that had happened not too long ago. Having put his glass back down on the table, he threw his arms around his friend in an enveloping but thoroughly manly hug.

"Blimey, how many have you had?" Robert remarked jokingly, "I should have kept a closer eye on you."

"I don't need it," he briefly recalled a time when such a statement would have been foreign to him, "I've got other things to put me on a high now."

They shared a knowing smile as the others milled around them, past grievances and unspoken words well passed under the bridge. A wave of joy and even deep relief passed over Robert's features at his friend's happy state, so deserved after so many years, before he started to buzz with excitement again.

"I won't want a late night myself," he said, tapping the face of his watch, "I've got to perfect this best man's speech, there's only a week. I want to make sure Cora's awake to listen to the latest draft."

"Wouldn't it put her to sleep," John teased as he raised his eyebrows, "or do you have other things in your repertoire for that?"

"Watch it, Bates," Robert narrowed his eyes conspiratorially, "just remember I know many horrifically embarrassing stories about you. Anna might just change her mind when she hears a few."

John chuckled at that, safe in the knowledge that the opposite was assured. Standing up, he patted his pockets, finding that his phone was still where he expected it to be.

"Just going to get a bit of fresh air, and maybe give the missus a call."

"No, no!" Tom had jumped out of his seat near enough to the ceiling, and John and the rest of the lads were absolutely baffled as they all looked at him. "I mean, you don't want to go and miss anything. There might be a bit of George Michael next."

"Now you're talking," Robert perked up immediately.

John took his seat again on Tom's anxious command, sneaking a brief and longing glimpse at his phone before putting it away again and entering into the familiar banter once more. The songs came and went, with nothing of note except maybe a particularly tuneless and wrongly memorable Liam Gallagher impersonation. John wondered if maybe Tom was up next – he'd gone away from the table for a bit beforehand – and just wanted to make sure nobody was denied his moment in the spotlight.

There was a deafening screech of feedback from the microphone before the voice of the compere came over the system again.

"Now we've got a last-minute addition to tonight's bill, and what a treat it is. I'm sure you'd all agree that no '90s night would be complete with these five girls who took the world by storm. Here to add some spice to your life, it's the Hot and Spicy Girls."

"Is that…?" Evelyn said almost under his breath before the two figures at the front of the stage burst to life, starting up the familiar song.

" _Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want…"_

" _So tell me what you want, what you really really want."_

The spotlights flared up, and sure enough, the suspicions had been confirmed. Sybil and Gwen were firing the lyrics back and forth, hopping around and clad in suitable outfits for their respective personas. Tom's eyes were popping out of his skull to see Sybil in the figure-hugging leopard print crop-top and leggings, and the rest of the assembled stag party were stunned into silence by what was unfolding before them. Three others were standing with their backs to the audience, still in the shadows though their shapes could be made out, and John was transfixed to the one in the middle, shorter than the rest though still wearing a pair of towering sandals. Her hips and bottom were swaying in time to the music and he felt the blood rush to his temples in anticipation, following her hypnotising movements.

The song kicked in fully, the light was thrown onto all five and cheers began to erupt from another group of girls on the other side of the room, who were obviously enjoying the nostalgia.

" _If you want my future, forget my past,"_  Mary sashayed forward to the front of the stage, looking ever the professional. John couldn't help but look past her, though; he hadn't been able to take his eyes from her since the first second he had realised, and now she was coming forward to take her moment.

" _If you wanna get with me, better make it fast."_

The spotlight shone on Anna, her blonde hair loose and brighter under the stage lamps, the lacy pink dress she was wearing accentuating every single one of her curves and displaying her legs to wonderful effect. When he was able to think straight, which took a little while, John could have sworn he had seen it somewhere before. He smirked delightedly as the memory of the old photograph came back to his mind, quickly followed by the remembrance of heated kisses in what had been her room.

People were clapping along, Tom had leapt to his feet and started whooping and punching his fist in the air in time to the beat, Robert was a mixture of mildly horrified and immensely proud to witness his three daughters cavorting on the stage. But nothing and nobody mattered in that moment to John other than Anna. She looked absolutely fantastic; his heart was pounding hard in his chest with how mind-blowingly gorgeous she was. She was having the time of her life up there too, singing and smiling and spinning around with the other girls. Every few moments she made sure that she looked his way, giving an extra wiggle of her hips and blowing a couple of kisses straight towards him, which made him grin unstoppably. He wasn't sure whether this whole show was done with him in mind, though a quick glance at Tom seemed to suggest that it was, but the way Anna was moving was enough to keep him more than happy.

The girls darted about the stage full of energy, Sybil and Gwen trying to outdo each other with jumping as the track came to a lively conclusion. Several people were on their feet and Tom was leading the applause, the girls maintaining their poses before breaking into fits of giggles and acknowledging the reception they were being given. John's surprised gaze was still firmly locked on Anna and she threw him a bright smile back, sharing in another secret moment together while commotion reigned all around.

"Well, young Branson," Robert exclaimed as the cheering died down, still somewhat taken aback by what had just occurred, "I'd like to see you top that."

"I wouldn't even try," John interjected with a grin planted firmly on his face.

* * *

Tom had, after all, took to the stage not long after the girls' performance with a rousing version of  _Let Me Entertain You_  and the night was wrapping up with Sybil and Gwen still hogging the microphone between them, making their way through All Saints' entire back catalogue. At the back of the pub the other couples, Daisy and Evelyn stood around, getting ready to head home.

"You could have been the sixth Spice Girl," Robert said to Cora, rather disappointed that he'd missed out on the chance to ogle her in a skimpy outfit.

Cora rolled her eyes in reply. "I'm more like Old Spice," she exclaimed, to which Robert tutted loudly, kissing her on the cheek. "Fleetwood Mac were more my thing, but the '90s was a bit late for them, I suppose."

"Another time," Anna smiled as she gave Cora a hug before her and Robert headed for the car.

As she turned back, she couldn't escape the satisfied smirk that was all over John's face, and laughed to herself.

"The other lads seemed to like it," he said, putting on a cool façade that amused Anna. Even as he pretended, his full attention was on her and her alone.

"I think Matthew just couldn't believe that Mary was in tracksuit bottoms," she laughed, recalling how Mary had decided to be Sporty Spice by giving the reasoning that she could sing, and Edith couldn't, so she'd be better off being Posh. "I see he's taking pictures for posterity."

They both glanced over to where Matthew was in front of Mary angling with his phone, having to prevent himself from bursting into laughter again while she attempted to hide her face. The sight made them chuckle simultaneously, before they turned and caught each other's gaze at the exact same moment, the sensation making them catch their breath.

Anna smiled as she recovered, getting closer to rub her fingers over the collar of his jacket. She revelled in feeling him shudder beneath her fingertips as they brushed the back of his neck on purpose.

"All I care about is whether you liked it," she intoned in a chime, looking up at him with heavily lidded eyes. "Don't think I didn't remember. This was a treat for you."

He could hardly bite back a mischievous grin at that confession. "Gatecrashing my stag night."

"I didn't see you complaining."

John chuckled throatily as Anna started to run her hands down his chest, having to stifle a groan as he imagined the same scene playing out a little differently when they returned home.

"That's because there's no way on earth that I could. I can't be without you for very long at all." His smile turned softer as he took up one of her hands in its trajectory, linking it with his. "It was only hours, and I missed you every second."

Anna promised herself she wouldn't cry, but it was getting to be a hard promise to keep with the way he was gazing at her. Instead she wore a smile that was sweeter than ever, which made her whole complexion shine.

She held her hands to his sides as he ducked down towards her, positioning her head to allow him access to the best spot to kiss her cheek. She was a little surprised when his lips swerved away, landing just by her ear instead.

"I've got to say, I was rather hoping for a rendition of  _2 Become 1_."

Anna managed to remain calm as John's palms travelled up her body, exhaling a little breath.

"Well, I wasn't going to say anything, but I have still got the dress on. I was thinking that could be something of a private performance instead."

She never got tired of the look that graced his face whenever she said something even slightly risqué, just as much as she never got tired of his lips pressing softly against hers.

"Did you mean what you said?" Anna asked softly, losing herself in his eyes as he smiled down at her, the perfect ending to another perfect kiss. "About missing me?"

The crinkles at the corners of his eyes increased as he beamed more. "Of course I did."

"Good," Anna replied, brushing her lips quickly with his again. "Because I missed you too. So much."

John scooped his arms around her slight frame, almost lifting her from the ground as he met her mouth in a deeper kiss.

"It's a good job you're going home with me tonight, then."


	34. Chapter 34

Disaster had struck.

Just a few hours ago, Anna had received a call from one of their clients, informing her that the event that she had so carefully planned to the last detail even though it was months off in advance needed to be moved so that it was earlier in the year to accommodate the busy schedule of an important guest. Moved so that it just happened to occur on the very same day that hers and John's wedding reception was due to take place.

She desperately tried to remain calm, thinking of ways that she could possibly make it work. If the event was in the morning and perhaps ran a little longer into the afternoon, she was sure it would be okay to cut back the reception by an hour or so. She needn't even have to arrive with John, though really they should make their entrance as the bride and groom. There was no reason why her commitments should impede upon John's enjoyment of the evening, although she knew that he would enjoy it far less the more time that she wasn't able to be there, sharing in every moment with him.

Her mind as well as her heart was racing twenty to the dozen, and somehow she reminded herself to stop and take a breath as Mary's voice travelled down the phone.

"Anna, don't be preposterous. You are not to go anywhere near it."

"But Mary, this is such a big deal," she tried to explain, though her voice was weak and she hardly sounded convincing. "If we lose the Flintshires as clients…and you know how fussy she is. The amount of time I've had to spend making sure everything is just right, and I'm not sure that they'll want anyone else. Or if anyone else will survive five minutes with them."

With every word she uttered, Anna felt like she could burst into tears. There really seemed to be no way around it, other than cancelling their reception completely.

"Well, they'll just have to like it or lump it," Mary returned defiantly, refusing to budge. "Granny always says that you get what you're given in life, and anyone foolish enough to argue about the little things will only get what they deserve when it comes to the bigger prizes. And they certainly don't deserve all the effort that you've put in."

Anna allowed herself a small smirk; they had tested her patience in every single one of their meetings, and at the end of each long and tiring consultation she questioned why she had ever wanted to go into this career. As much as she wanted to throw all cares aside, like Mary could seem to do when it came to other people so easily, the fact was it would only be Downton Associates who would feel the repercussions if the Flintshires ended up unhappy.

"Madeleine can take over," Mary went on calmly, the whole situation skimming like water off a duck's back to her. "She has more than enough experience, and she'll only need a couple of hours prepping on everything. I can't possibly see what they could find to complain about, and if they do find something then they really are being completely unreasonable. And I'd rather that we didn't have them on the books than have to spend time pandering to their every need."

Anna took a sharp breath in, out of courtesy more than anything else as she was in agreement with her partner. Still, Mary would not let her get a word in to either affirm or deny what she had said.

"But one thing is absolutely, positively clear: that you are unavailable to the rest of the world that day. Your role is not as an events coordinator, or PR supremo, but as Mrs Anna Bates."

The delighted grin spread across her face. Somehow it sounded even better when anyone else said it aloud than it did even just to her in her own head.

"And you are not to argue, otherwise I will personally have to come and take you into hiding. Not so much as one look at your iPhone or your planner. Do I have your agreement?"

"Yes, you do," Anna laughed, the smile breaking into her voice.

"Good," Mary replied promptly, sounding exceedingly pleased with herself. "And that's starting from now."

Before she could say goodbye, the line from the other end clicked off. Anna stared at the device in her palm for a moment, slightly bemused, until happier wonderings soon took over and she placed it down on the table, quickly covering it with a bowl and laughing to herself at the action she had taken.

Truth be told, she was very curious about all that was going to happen at this reception, mere days away now, and she was hoping that she may have been able to wrangle some information out of Mary once they had got off the subject of the Flintshires, even it was only hints. It had all been arranged by the Crawleys, with some other bits of input here and there, and they knew nothing about it, aside from the date and the time they were expected to arrive. The idea of not being in control was one that was largely foreign to Anna, and she had to admit that she found it rather strange and only a little bit troubling. The side of her that longed for precision and to be prepared for every eventuality felt desperate for information, and a wave of something – not quite escalated enough to be deemed  _panic_  – flowed towards her, starting to ebb away as quickly as it had descended. She reminded herself of all that had come to be when she had learned to let go, and with a smile that made her feel sure of everything, she decided that it wasn't a bad thing to be more relaxed about these kind of things. Indeed, it had brought only the best.

The sound of a key could be heard turning in the lock, and her steps were ahead of her thoughts as she padded into the hallway, taking in the sight of John laden with grocery bags. It was such simple things that she cherished so much in their life, away from the bluster and parade of times like the one that was just around the corner – as fun as she was assured that would be, too.

"I got your text when I was in work." Having relieved himself of the weight held in one hand, John swept the hair that had fallen over his forehead out of his eyes, his gaze pinned on her all the while. "Is everything okay?"

"It's fine. All taken care of."

She forgot completely about how dramatic she had been, the message she had sent surely sounding quite alarming, and sauntered over to where her husband was standing with an increasingly sultry smile written on her lips. Her fingers brushed purposely against his before she eased the remaining bags from his grasp, planting them down without caring where or how they landed. The feelings he inspired in her with so much as a look were almost unexplainable, and set her on fire instantly. She could see that there was an unspoken question in his eyes and it made her feel quite powerful. Then she wrapped her arms about his middle, keeping just enough distance between their bodies to be maddeningly teasing, and Anna relished the flicker that rose up there instead, unmistakable and aligning with her own intentions perfectly. His hands upon her were all that she needed to care about, and as they started to slide lower, questing fingertips trailing past the small of her back, she fought the urge to surrender then and there.

"But that's not to say that everything has been seen to," she purred, and then squealed as, quite decisively, John swept her from her feet and began to march them both up the stairs.

The two words he whispered in such a manner to her sent shivers spiralling out in every direction.

"Bedroom, now."

Anna giggled, thinking somewhere in her haze of desire that she couldn't possibly argue.

* * *

Robert and Cora had been incredibly hospitable, insisting that after dinner they stay overnight at their house, reasoning that it would make tomorrow run much smoother too. John joked to Anna that it was just a measure to keep tabs on them, ensuring they wouldn't run off and make a repeat performance of their actual wedding day. It seemed like quite an effort, even though they had insisted otherwise, and in the end both Anna and John felt that there was no possible way either of them could refuse. All had been fine and they gave the gesture nothing but the goodwill it warranted, until the time had come to retire upstairs.

Anna had perched herself on the foot of the bed, her legs crossed a little cautiously, the crimson burning of her cheeks just about cooling down now. Her eyes flitted around the room, taking in every aspect as John remained in the bathroom. Smoothing the palms of her hands down her pencil skirt, she tried to think sensibly. It was perfectly reasonable for them to do whatever they wished behind the privacy of a closed door, whatever that might be. She was quite certain that Cora and Robert had no qualms about continuing with their own usual affairs even when guests resided under the roof; they'd been particularly flirty over dinner which had amused her and John as well as giving them some more time to themselves.

But there had been plenty of moments when the longer married pair had taken their opportunity to closely examine the newlywed couple during the evening, keen eyes watching every pondered movement. The image became rather too clear in her head, of Robert and Cora stood crouched with their ears pressed to the plain of the shut door…

Thankfully John emerged before the scenario could become even more terrifying and horribly embarrassing, and Anna occupied herself with raking her eyes up from his impossibly long legs, past chest and broad shoulders to his face which somehow appeared more gorgeous than ever. This night was going to be unbearable, and it was only just beginning.

He simply smirked at her, as if he had discovered exactly what she was thinking. No doubt he had; even now, he could read her like the pages of a favourite book. She glared back at him, trying to play it serious and to tell him without words not to give her such a look, but once more she was rendered helpless.

"This reminds me of being back in halls," he quipped, a deeper smile snaking its way over his lips. "I was just down the hall from Rob as well then. Getting back after a night out," he stopped to pause for a few seconds, the mischief of memories overtaking him as he glanced at her from over his shoulder. "Sneaking a girl each up into our rooms."

This little exercise was obviously designed to make her wildly jealous, but Anna did her best to stay disinterested, finding the pattern of the bedspread fascinating as opposed to indulging John's nostalgia trip. Even so, she felt his gaze heated upon her and it was getting harder to resist being drawn in by the flames.

"And I imagine there must have been quite a few," she responded, still not managing to meet her husband's amazingly deep hazel eyes. "They must have been lining up around the block."

He gave a little chuckle at her insinuations.

"I could never complain, though I wouldn't go quite that far."

The modest tone of his voice coupled with those words, amongst the most candid he had ever been with her about his past, made her smile. She couldn't help but ruminate on the thought of him with other nameless and faceless women, mirages from his past, seeing him covering them with his gaze, touching them, kissing them. A cold shiver made itself apparent between the blades of her shoulders and the cleave of her chest, though she knew that she couldn't do anything about it, and she shouldn't have wanted to. There was a vague hint of sadness as he spoke again.

"You wouldn't have liked me back then."

Having finally seen photographs of him in his younger years, she highly doubted that that would have been the case. Discounting the difference in age between them, she would have been amongst the number that had been enchanted by him. All smouldering eyes and thoughtful expressions, a mane of hair that was untamed and begging to be tugged at. She felt herself blushing with the fantasies that were running through her head, and how they would have proved impossible.

Not too late she realised his true meaning, and her heart sunk in her chest. He never had a particularly high opinion of himself – though she liked to think that was gradually changing now – and she wasn't under any illusion that he had been a saint of any kind. He still wasn't, but she knew that he was a good man. He was the best man for her that she could ever imagine, and whenever he did wrong it was only because he was thinking too much about her and not himself. Whatever he may have done in the past – cheated or done something regretful in a fit of youthful impertinence, drunk too much or made too many unfortunate decisions – they had all been experiences he had learnt from. Most important of all, they were in the past. Without that, she was quite sure that they would not be where they were at this very moment. She could not regret a thing or waste time wondering what might have been if fate would have twisted in a different way.

She had to look up at him then, and her gaze instantly softened observing him. Sometimes she wanted to shake some sense into him, and she wished that he was always able to see himself through her eyes. At what had been then, she could only wonder. But here and now, and she had no problem believing for the rest of time, he was as close to perfect as it was possible to be.

"Silly beggar," she said softly, and was graced with a smile from him at the familiar term of endearment.

"It doesn't matter anyway," he uttered, rocking back on his heels with hands planted in the pockets of his jeans. "Because there's only one girl that has ever mattered. And she just so happens to be here right now."

"Well, I did wonder," Anna replied, a little cheekily as she caught his eye again. "You are a sweet talker."

It was just a shame that talking was all they were going to be doing tonight, she thought for a moment.

"It only matches how sweet you are." He flashed her a grin while she rolled her eyes briefly to the ceiling. His own gaze quickly became imploring. "I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking, bragging like that. What can I do to make it up to you?"

"John, you don't need to do anything," she chided, despite adoring the fact that he was willing to go to such lengths for her. She supposed she could have made it work to her advantage if she had been more cunning, but she was honestly happy enough to watch him as he was before her, clad in jeans and one of his checked shirts that she had a particular liking for.

An idea had seemed to spark in his head, she could tell from the expression on his face. He pointed a finger at her to signal that she should stay exactly where she was, but she couldn't help but be intrigued as he went over to the docking station that sat on top of the cabinet. His attempts to get the music to start playing on the device proved unsuccessful, and after a few jabs at the controls and frustrated huffs he decided to give up, sauntering back over to arrive in front of where she sat once more. Lips pursed, he started to hum a tune, swinging his hips in a seductive fashion while his fingers started to slowly work the buttons on his shirt free one-by-one.

"Oh my god," Anna half-laughed, half hissed with desire as John continued with his impromptu striptease, teasing the shirt over his shoulder blades before flinging it to the floor. She resisted the urge to flop onto her back on the bed with the disbelief of it all, instead propping herself on her elbows and making herself comfortable for the rest of the show.

Running one hand up and down the white t-shirt that still covered his torso, John smirked as he hiked the hem just enough to give a glimpse of his stomach and the start of the trail of dark hair that worked its way downward from his belly button. A noise that she was incapable of stopping left Anna suddenly; she had a weakness for that line of hair, nuzzling her cheek next to it a few times when they had been curled up together. It took far too long for him to slide the top over his head, the fabric almost reluctant to leave off hugging his body.

He afforded her a long ogle of his bare chest, hands dipping to begin their dance at the waistband of his jeans. Undoing the button and fly with ease, they soon fell around his ankles, getting there quicker with a particularly pronounced wiggle of his hips. Anna stifled a giggle as he tripped a little, an inelegant interruption as he got out of them completely. The pink flush of his cheeks was adorable and made her love him even more; it wasn't the most slick or conventionally sexy of displays, but he was still managing to drive her wild. He was left in nothing but his boxer shorts and Anna noticed that they fitted him a little too well, her gaze lingering before it was lifted at the sight of him crawling onto the end of the bed to join her.

"You didn't go the full monty," she pouted a little disappointedly, her face burning up at the feel of him rested inbetween her legs.

"I thought I'd save a little something for you," he replied, flashing her a wicked smile before his hands glided over her blouse. "There may have been others, but they were never treated to that. An exclusive for your eyes only, Mrs Bates."

"I'm honoured."

His touch was already working its magic through her clothes, his mouth teasing at her earlobe.

"May I handle these for you, madam?" he breathed hoarsely.

Anna let out a whimper of approval, goosebumps working their way up her spine as her husband began to rid her of her clothing, dotting soft kisses upon her skin as he uncovered her to the air. As her blouse joined the pile of his garments on the floor, his lips covered the expanse of her neck, tongue darting out at intervals to taste her skin. She grasped her hands to him; as heavenly as it was, she needed to feel his lips upon hers.

Weaving her fingers into his hair, his bare chest rubbed against her as they fell back onto the bed together, their kiss growing in intensity. Anna welcomed the wondrous feel of his hands caressing her sides and making their way down to her skirt as their mouths continued their dance. Just as he was about to pull it off her decisively, a thud from outside reminded them too abruptly of where they were. Not in the comfort of their own home, but someone else's.

Both pairs of eyes flew open and they sighed a little in frustration as they broke apart, sighs soon turning to lalmost uncontrollable aughter. John settled another sweet kiss on Anna's lips as she reclined, his hand gliding back and forth over her stomach, watching as she caught her breath.

"We can keep quiet," she lowered her voice to a reed of a whisper to prove that she was capable of it.

"That's never been the case with you before," John raised his eyebrows as he looked down at her still half-clothed. Anna aimed a small blow at his chest and then yelped in delight as he pulled her to his side, throwing the duvet quickly over both of their heads, soundproofing their giggles and allowing them to carry on where they had left off.

* * *

After a breakfast where both somehow had been able to hide their blushes about the night before, the boys were sent out of the house before the morning was over, with Cora issuing Robert with strict orders to be back by four o'clock on the dot. A swift goodbye kiss passed between John and Anna, the feel of him lingering delightfully upon her lips, and then the serious business of preparation could begin.

Anna was whisked into the sitting room, quite enjoying the fact that she didn't have to do anything other than be pampered and fussed over. Edith and Sybil took care of a hand each for her manicure, while rather surprisingly Mary was the one who volunteered herself to put up Anna's hair. When she confessed to being taken aback, Mary made the fair point that growing up with two little sisters meant that she'd had a lot of time to perfect the art, although both Edith and Sybil agreed that she had done a better job on Anna's hair than they'd ever had. Not long afterwards Gwen arrived, Cora promptly handing her a glass of champagne as soon as she got through the door. All of the girls were in giggles as they talked the time away, Cora reminiscing about her own wedding day and making her daughters coo and cringe in equal measure. Every so often, Anna found herself getting lost, phasing out the laughter that surrounded her. Though they were officially married she still felt the same butterflies swirling around relentlessly in her stomach, and as the day went on they became even more pronounced. She smiled as she supposed that they would never really disappear.

There was only one more thing left to do, and Anna disappeared upstairs with Cora following behind to help with the fastenings of the dress. She reasoned that she might as well get some more use out of the dress that had been purchased for the ceremony back at home; it was too nice to only wear once. She crept into the room with a bit of self-consciousness, which gradually faded when she was met with everyone's gasps and smiles. Anna smiled bashfully, giving a little twirl in the ivory dress that caressed the floor as she turned. One-by-one the girls came up to hug her, being careful not to crumple the dress or mess up her hair.

Gwen had hung back until last, and she stood just staring for what was a bit too long. Anna laughed lightly, wondering whether there was something wrong, and then noticed as her friend brought her hand slowly up to her face.

"Gwen," she enquired gently, "are you crying?"

"No," Gwen shook her head, gulping through her sobs, not taking her eyes from Anna. "Maybe just a little bit," she finally admitted, causing them both to start laughing, Gwen doing so haltingly between breaths.

Anna gathered up her dress as she walked the few steps over to her friend, them having been left alone in the room. Slowly, she took Gwen's hands into her own, causing her to look up and smile through her tears.

"I remember those nights at uni, when we'd get all philosophical and think about the future," Gwen started to say, "When we'd had a few too many. Or  _I'd_ had a few too many."

They both laughed at the memories, clear in both of their minds though the years had long marched on.

"I had all these grand ambitions, that I knew were too crazy to come true."

"Gwen…" Anna began to try and argue, her fingers smoothing against those of her friend's.

"Who knows," she went on, shrugging, "maybe someday, one of them will, at least in some form." She stopped to smile widely, letting go of one of Anna's hands for a moment to wipe at her eyes, exhaling a breath before continuing. "But I knew that you would achieve anything you set your mind to, and get everything you wanted. And this…"

Gwen broke off, her gaze travelling the length of the dress and back up again.

"This was always meant to happen for you, and I'm just so happy that you have it all now. You look absolutely bloody gorgeous."

The tears were stemming at Anna's eyes now, shaking her head at Gwen's lovely words.

"You are my best friend, you've always been there for me, and you deserve the world. And I just know that you'll get it, whatever comes."

"You'll always be my best friend, forever," Anna uttered, intending to keep the promise wherever life took the both of them. "If it wasn't for you, I don't know…"

"You would have found your way, right here," Gwen assured, a bigger smile forming on her face. "If there's one thing we can say it's that I'm always right. And you know that."

Anna laughed, nodding her head fiercely as her eyes watered. "God, what are you like? My mascara will be wrecked."

"Sorry," Gwen said sheepishly before laughing. "I've got some spare in my bag if you need it. That's one thing I'm good for on days like these."

"You're good for much more than that."

Gwen beamed at her friend's sentiments that echoed her own so closely. The past year and so many more speeded through Anna's mind, and she pulled Gwen into a hug, the embrace a silent offering of thanks for everything that she had seen through with her. Even though she had acquired another best friend now, she knew that she was entitled to have more than one and Gwen was one of the very best that could be had.

* * *

They sat in the back of the car, holding hands all the while through the journey, which was taking longer than both of them had expected.

"Mate, is there any chance we might get there before the clock strikes midnight?" John quipped, leaning forward as much as his seatbelt would allow him to.

"No need to fret, it's all fine and dandy," Robert returned, glancing up at the reflection in the rear-view mirror briefly. "Just needed to take a little detour, but we'll be there within ten minutes, scout's honour."

John sat back again and turned to meet his wife's gaze, finding his own curiosity mirrored there. Her palm had drifted upwards and was now rubbing against his arm in its suit jacket, the rhythm of her gentle touch soothing away all the worries he had. He could do nothing but smile down at her, their difference in height still apparent even as they were both sitting. She never failed to take his breath away completely, the beauty, kindness and comfort always held in her eyes putting him at peace even as she set a million different emotions sparking within him. Her light giggle as he brushed his lips over the back of her hand made him feel alive like nothing else, and he marvelled at the softness of her that he registered beneath his mouth. The thought often arrived in his head to amaze him in the midst of the most normal, everyday moments; that she was his, and better still that he was hers, and that was how it would be forever. Though every time he looked upon her he renewed his vow to keep her safe always, he didn't see vulnerability when he gazed into her eyes. She was made of a strength greater than he was ever capable of, solid and shining there through all of her delicate beauty, and he felt honoured and eternally grateful that she was there to make him strong too.

He gave her hand, dwarfed as it was within his own, another tender squeeze. Anna gazed up at him with a look in her eyes that bowled him over and the moment lasted for a little while, wholly appreciated by them both, before it was brought to a halt by Robert opening the door of the car at Anna's side.

"If you don't like it, then it's all Cora and Mary's fault," he announced, standing back to let them out.

John let Anna go first, touching his hand to the small of her back to make sure that she was steady. She waited for him to join her before she allowed herself to look, bringing her hand back safely to the shelter of his.

He could feel how amazed she was simply by the breaths she took, and the way her fingers twitched against his, shivering just slightly against the brisk breeze. He was full of smiles at her reaction, and found that he was rather astounded himself, thinking he couldn't have come up with a better setting if he had tried. Even while the sun had still to set fully, lights were shining bright, bouncing off the lapping of the river. A wide marquee had been constructed, set back against the river's bank, stretching across the whole scene, and that too was draped in twinkling lights from the outside. He wasn't sure how it had all been done, but he did know that Robert had friends in high places who could be called upon to help out with such things. Looking across to one side he saw the little line of boats that bobbed on the water, and smiled as he recalled the night he had climbed into one, eager to do anything he possibly could to make Anna happy.

Now she looked happier than ever, and his heart swelled to behold the joy that composed her completely.

"Robert, this is…" she struggled to get her words out, still too caught up in taking everything in to make complete sense.

"It's perfect," John finished, glancing lovingly at his wife as she nodded her approval at what he had said. "Thanks so much, mate. We really couldn't have asked for more."

"You might not think so when you know what's to come," Robert chortled, looking rather abashed at the grateful eyes that were upon him. "It was our pleasure. There's no one dearer to us all than you two."

John and Anna smiled at him, and then at one another as they became lost in each other and the perfection of everything again, not being able to help it. It wasn't at all lost on them, being back here. A meeting that led later to a kiss, tears of pain and sorrow that were washed away to be replaced by ones of heart-searing joy.

And now, as they went hand-in-hand to greet all who were waiting for them, the circle was complete.

* * *

It looked just as wonderful inside the marquee, soft lighting making the place glow and tables covered with flower petals and confetti, along with little touches that were personal to Anna and John; small diamanté jewels in the colour of her birthstone, quotes from his favourite books. Guests lined up to offer their best wishes, and it was a wonder that they managed to make it to the head table in the time that they did, accepting the many kisses and handshakes gratefully. In any other situation Anna would have dreaded being the focus of all attention, but she only needed to look at the man by her side to feel more than alright about everything. He made everyone else disappear, and made her feel complete.

The meal was sumptuous, Robert having got his best chefs to put together a feast. Everyone was in marvellous spirits, different conversations flowing throughout accompanied with a great deal of laughter. Robert had to clink his glass several times to get half of the guests' attention, and the other half were soundly roused by Tom's deafening shout that reverberated around the room.

"Yes, thank you to my son-in-law there. Never one to be subtle," Robert winced, nodding towards Tom who gave him a wink and a thumbs-up. "I know this is the moment you've all been waiting for. I can announce that the free bar is now officially open."

A cheer went up from the back of the marquee, and John tried his best to shelter his face from the onslaught that was about to come.

"Don't worry," Anna's sweet voice was a balm in his ear. "It'll be brilliant."

"As best man, it's a privilege and an honour to begin the speeches, and on behalf of Anna and John, the bride and groom," Robert paused for a moment as another, louder cheer went around. "I'd like to start by saying thank you to all of you who have gathered here today. Now I think everyone will agree with me when I say it's been quite an emotional day. So emotional, in fact, that even the cake is in tiers."

There were a few groans, some of disbelief that Robert had chosen to kick off with such an old joke.

"But not to fear, I can assure you that it is still edible. I'll let you in on a secret, I've actually prepared two speeches." Robert turned towards John, grinning while he fumbled in his pockets, producing two folded pieces of paper. "This is primarily for my own safety, given that this is the same man who shaved my eyebrows off in an unprovoked attack when I was worse for wear in our student days. I'd rather not risk any further retaliation, and it did take me over a year to grow them back, so I know which side my bread is buttered. If anyone is really desperate to know all of John Bates's most scandalous secrets, then meet me outside in half an hour and we can begin negotiating a price. Anna, don't worry, I've typed you up a copy for free."

Anna laughed in response, nodding her head at Robert's offer as he tucked away the paper in his left hand and began reading from the one in his right.

"The beginning seems like as good a place to start as any," he announced, lifting his eyes to look in the direction of John and Anna. "I've known John for the best part of thirty years, and the worst parts of them too. Looking at the two of us, you might say that we're from different worlds but from the day I met him, acting all cool and mysterious in the student union, I knew that we would get on famously. John is one of those fellows who is lucky enough to be blessed with many talents, which by all rights I should despise him for. Brains, a cracking sense of humour, a good head of hair that is only just starting to go grey, if you look very closely with a magnifying glass – honestly, mate, it's a good look, George Clooney will be cursing you soon enough for taking over all of his advertising deals – but if there was one thing that was missing in his life, it was the love of a good woman."

Robert's jovial tone turned serious suddenly, as a chorus of sympathetic 'aww''s rang out from the females in the room.

"If anyone would have asked me, I would have likely said with a great deal of regret that he might have stayed single until he hadn't just gone completely grey but bald instead."

"Cheers, mate," John's voice rose up from where he sat, cringing.

"Yet, as the saying goes, there was life in the old dog yet," Robert chuckled as he took in the mildly unimpressed expression on John's face. "Along came Anna, and somehow he managed to charm her into not only falling in love with him, but to tying herself to him for life."

"I thought this was supposed to be the better version," John whispered to Anna, who laughed his complaints off, straining to hear the rest of Robert's speech.

"All joking aside, I couldn't have been more thrilled when I knew that John and Anna were to take this momentous step. I know probably better than most of you young whippersnappers here what a special and sacred institution marriage is; there is nothing in this life more worthy of being celebrated than two people who were made for each other pledging their lives to one another for all time, consolidating their love to the rest of the world. And spending time in their company, I can assure you that there are no two people on this earth more in love than Anna and John. Except maybe for me and my lovely wife Cora – again, I'm aiming to save my own skin here."

There was a ripple of laughter as well as a nod from Cora, and John was now wearing a tight smile, starting to feel increasingly nervous as he realised it would be his turn soon enough.

"So for the two people that I am truly blessed to call friends, I wish all the happiness in the world as they can never have enough of it. A toast, to John and to Anna – Mr and Mrs Bates."

"Mr and Mrs Bates," the echo spread around the room as a sea of glasses were lifted into the air.

As the applause died down, John got to his feet, loosening the tie that suddenly felt a little too tight around his neck. His heart was pounding at an alarming rate and he tried to look straight ahead instead of down at Anna, knowing that the stunning way she looked wouldn't help matters. However, he was powerless to resist when she slipped her hand into his for a moment, feeling himself relax the longer her fingers stroked against his skin.

"I'm sure that most of you who know me know that I'm a man of few words, so I'll keep this short and hopefully sweet. To be honest, I thought that I'd escaped this part completely, but alas, Rob won't let me get away that easily."

A few playful jeers and shouts could be heard, and John laughed at them himself.

"What he said was quite right. I was never really one for being lucky in love, and after a while I'd decided to come to terms with my lot." Glancing down briefly, he saw that Anna's face had grown sorrowful, her gaze departing from his own as she looked down into her lap. The mere thought of her being upset sent daggers through his chest, an agony like he'd never experienced before. "But what is it that people say – love turns up when you least expect it."

That brought the smile beaming back to her, like the sunshine emerging from a sky of grey clouds.

"On a Tube train of all places. I think Transport for London should do something special, but I'll settle for a month's worth of free Oyster card travel."

As the rather polite laughter went around, he took in a deep breath, preparing himself for the words he was about to say.

"From the moment I saw the woman who is now my wife, my breath was taken away. She stopped me in my tracks, but at the same time she made my world start to revolve again and made everything make sense to me. I couldn't have ever imagined that she would agree to take a chance on me, but I thank whatever force there is in the universe that she did. Another unfavourable trait of mine that people will be aware of is that I think too much. Every time I think that I have the best day of my life pinned down in my mind, another one comes along to surpass it. I find that every single day that I wake up next to this beautiful woman and watch her as she opens her eyes before me, I know that it's going to be more wonderful than the last."

He broke off to look at her at that point, and the love that he found written upon her was almost too much to bear.

"Anna, to put it simply, you are my greatest love and you are my life. To tell the world that you are my wife makes me prouder than anything else, and I'll spend the rest of my days loving you and looking forward to all the best days that are in store for us."

John was nearly in tears as the room erupted around him. As he sat down, shaking slightly from the force of emotion he had conveyed, Anna's hand reached up to cup his face, the cool metal of her wedding band feeling wonderful against his skin. Her lips brushed quickly against his and he savoured the kiss that was sweeter than any he had known, uncaring that they were in view of everyone.

Robert was about to move proceedings along when Anna rose from her seat.

"If nobody minds, I'd like to say a few words," she said, her voice steady. "I know it's not traditional, but we haven't really observed itraditions too much anyway."

There were a few laughs and sniggers aimed at Robert as he bowed towards her, allowing Anna to say her piece. As he had done beforehand, she looked down at John longingly before she began.

"Like every little girl, I thought and dreamed about the time when I'd get married. When my Barbies had their weddings – to the same five Ken dolls – I'd wonder what it would be like when I was big and grown-up enough to do it."

John had to grin at the image of such innocence, and of how enthusiastic Anna would have been even then.

"It's probably a bit weird, but I didn't think all that much about the dress or the flowers," she admitted without care. "Instead I'd try to imagine what my husband would be like, and all the qualities he would possess. I knew that I wanted him to be kind and to think of others. When I got a bit older, I decided that he would have to be able to make me laugh and be able to put up with all of my complaints, while still not backing down from me. And it was quite important that I'd find him handsome, too."

She blushed a little at that particular confession, looking so adorable to John that he could have swept her into his arms and away from the crowds at that very moment.

"It took me a little while, but I knew from early on that I'd found all that in John. And so much more besides." She stopped to gaze at him again, smiling as he laid a kiss upon her hand. "He's not only my husband or my partner. John, you are my supporter, my confidante, my lover, my best friend, and the better half of me. I love you with all my heart and everything I have, always."

On that note, John was moved to stand again, placing his hands on his wife's tiny waist, bringing her up to his mouth for a deeper kiss. Cheers filled the room around them but all they were aware of was their breaths that were becoming one the longer they mingled.

He brushed his lips at her cheek when he'd been able to tear himself away from capturing her mouth, cradling her close and feeling overwhelmed with love.

" _Your_ better half," he uttered to her alone, "You'll always be the better half of me, no question."

He could feel her twitch, the tell-tale signs of a wide smile; her hands bracing his chest possessively.

"Let's agree that we're that to each other," she said, and as ever, he knew to follow his wife's lead.

* * *

"Now, if the happy couple could take to the floor for the first dance."

Anna smiled as she took John's hand and pulled him up towards the empty dancefloor, waiting to be christened by them. She knew that out of everything he was most self-conscious about this, preferring to dance with her on the odd occasion alone where hundreds of eyes weren't trained upon him, but they'd worked out a compromise which she hoped would make things easier. She gave him a flash of a grin over her shoulder as he followed behind her, sighing quietly and happily when they found their place, his hands settling decisively on her sides. Gazing up at him it was as though they were the only two people in existence.

Cora stood on the stage, her hands braced upon the microphone stand. "This is from the groom, for his beautiful bride. He says that it's all he needs to say."

Anna waited full of expectation as the band started up, eager to know what song John had chosen. They were in each other's arms before Cora even started singing the first note, swaying in perfect time to the music. John took one of her hands up into his, smiling down at her as she rested it upon his shoulder.

" _If you kissed the sun right out of the sky for me, and if you told me all the lies that I deserve, and if you laid all night in the rain for me, well I couldn't love you more, I just couldn't love you more."_

Anna smiled as she let herself be guided by John, her head nuzzled against him as they moved together. One hand was firm upon her waist, the other stroking her cheek gently, and she couldn't think of anything more perfect.

" _And if you loved me 'til my eyes gave no more shade for you, if you walked beside me all the long way home, if you wasted all of your time on me, well I couldn't love you more, I just couldn't love you more."_

By the end of the song they were so close that they could have merged into one, sharing in a tender but searing kiss as the last words were sung. Anna felt as though she was floating above the air; she truly couldn't have asked for anything better. It was only John's hands that remained on her that assured her that she was still on the ground. They remained by themselves on the dancefloor as Mary took to the stage, giving a gorgeous rendition of  _At Last_  that stopped everyone still and brought the tears to Anna's eyes as she considered how true the lyrics were.

After that most of the guests started to pile onto the floor and reluctantly they had to let go of their hold on one another, though they remained close for the rest of the evening through touches or looks across the room.

While she was talking to the girls, she hadn't failed to notice that John had disappeared from sight even through the sea of people. Robert, Tom, Matthew and Evelyn couldn't be found either and she had to wonder for a moment, before reasoning that they'd probably found some hiding place to take a break from the proceedings.

The dance music came to an abrupt stop, and Cora's voice was amplified in the room again.

"Anna, there's a little surprise for you," she announced with a grin playing at her lips before she scurried off the stage.

A puzzled expression flew over Anna's face, not twigging completely even when five spotlights came down onto the stage. It was only when the bars of the song started that she broke into a grin, almost unable to contain her shock and excitement. When she saw her husband standing in the centre of the stage, his eyes planted upon her wearing a delicious little smirk as he was about to do what she would never have thought possible, her legs instantly turned to jelly.

" _You are my fire, the one desire,"_  he surprised her completely; he had said that he could sing but she had no idea he would sound this good, and what he was singing made it all the better as she knew there was real, true meaning there other than it being her favourite song. His gaze was burning upon her, sending her heart racing. " _Believe when I say, I want it that way."_

Applause started and John gave a twinkling smile towards Anna, before Tom slid smoothly across the stage and took over, the studied boyband pose he had taken up making the girls burst into hysterics. Anna held onto Mary to stop herself collapsing from the delight of it all, and as the guys moved around, harmonising and swaying from side to side in a routine they'd obviously spent some time practising, the girls were rapt, cheering and screaming through their giggles.

"Oh my god, Tom's really going for it," Mary exclaimed, watching her brother-in-law grabbing the air in his fists. "I never would have thought."

"Oh yeah," Sybil cooed, "he auditioned for 'the next Westlife' before he left Ireland. Made it to the last ten."

Anna's eyes however were glued to John, growing in confidence as he went to the side of the stage. She felt as pleased as punch that she was able to call such an utterly gorgeous man her husband, her cheeks glowing hot with the thought. As Matthew began to sing the slower break in the song, John was mouthing along the same words he had sung himself before for Anna only to notice. Her heart fluttered as she watched him, committing every word to her own mind.

Everyone was waving their hands in the air and a couple of lighters were held aloft as the performance came to an end. The five went with arms around each other as they took a bow and then bundled off the stage one by one to be met by their partners, more than a few single girls crowded around Evelyn, eager to get his attention.

John smirked as he made his way back to Anna, who stood with her hands on her hips.

"Did that match up to your idols, then?" he asked earnestly, though the hidden glee had crept up upon his face.

"Mr Bates, you have no idea," she said with barely disguised yearning coating her voice. "You are a dark horse."

He chuckled, taking in the enchanting demeanour that had overtaken her. "Well, as long as you enjoyed it, it was all worth it."

"That I did," she purred, reaching her arms out towards him with a look in her eyes that made him go willingly. "Come here."

Now he was the one powerless to resist as she wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into an embrace that was swiftly followed by the urgent press of her lips to his.

When he was met with a reaction such as that, he knew that he had no room to complain. Everything he did was only ever to make her smile.

* * *

Anna sat, watching the lights dance and bounce upon the river, hearing the faint thud of the music still playing inside the marquee from behind her. Taking in a breath of the night air, she let her mind wander as the water rocked the bottom of the boat gently below her feet. The mini-cruiser that Robert had arranged to take them away on once the night was over was vastly different from the rickety paddle boat they had clambered into near enough in the same spot, as the day that held their first date came to a conclusion. She thought the smile on her face had been permanent in the past few weeks, but it transformed a little at this moment in time, when she had considered all that had gone by. How she would have never expected that all of this would happen, but how wonderful it had been, far surpassing her wildest dreams.

The dreams that were for the future were occupying her mind as she felt the boat shift and bob, and she beamed up to see John standing at her back. He threw a blanket around her shoulders before he sat down next to her, Anna snuggling herself into his hands as he adjusted the garment further. She lifted her head slightly and John understood immediately what she meant, kissing her softly. She savoured the feel and taste of his lips, pulling him closer to deepen the kiss, and feeling like she wouldn't care if the world stopped spinning.

"What a day it's been," he uttered, slightly raspy from exhaustion as well as the kiss they had just shared.

"Mmm," she replied lazily, drawing little circles on his upturned palm with her finger, head rested upon his shoulder.

He hadn't failed to notice how comfortable she had made herself. "Tired?"

"A little." Her voice was a whimper against his chest as he brought his arm more securely around her. "But I want to see it through to the end."

Anna felt John's laugh rumble, there were few sensations that she cherished more. "Well, we've got a speed trip over the Thames to come. You can't fall asleep for that."

She made a little giggling sound, a hand snaking underneath his suit jacket. The briskness of the night's breeze was tempered when he kissed her forehead twice, gently moving her hair back from her face.

"The best is yet to come, Mrs Bates."

Anna lifted her head to meet his eyes, which were shining with love against the night. In the distance a familiar song had started up, and she noticed John's expression light up further, the smile that he wore a prize to her.

" _See the stone set in your eyes, see the thorn twist in your side, I wait for you. Sleight of hand and twist of fate, on a bed of nails she makes me wait, and I wait without you, with or without you, with or without you."_

She smiled back at him, the love that she felt for him reflected back and stronger than ever at that moment in time. He had told her so many times that he couldn't live without her, and as she placed her hand over his chest to feel his heart beating, she knew that she would be just as helpless without him.

"I love you," she said for the countless time, the sentiment meaning more to her in each instance.

"I love you," John whispered back as his forehead rested against hers.

Inside, Anna thrilled as much to feel his skin upon hers and those special words fall from his mouth once again. The celebrations that had been prolonged were coming to an end now, but she wasn't sad about it, only excited for the next phase of their life to begin. Their future together was sealed and it was a bond she would cherish forever, never knowing how much she had wanted it until the day John had come into her life.

She was just about to lay her head back down on his shoulder when one of his hands stopped her, sending tingles running through her as he stroked her face gently. Her blue eyes twinkled with delight as she saw the memory sparking to life on his face, the flow of the river carrying it towards them. Leaning further in, her heart was leaping as she could feel his breath falling warm upon her. She was just as breathless as she had been for that first time, when she had been the one taking the lead. Now there were no hesitations, only a simple question as the wedding band on his finger caressed her skin.

"May I kiss you, Mrs Bates?"

She broke her wide smile just long enough to give her reply.

"I thought you'd never ask, Mr Bates."


	35. Chapter 35

Anna sighed with relief as she ended the call and put her phone down, content that everything was alright. She didn't work at weekends if she could help it but she still liked to keep her hand in, especially when big events were coming up. Madeleine was a star and she knew that with her at the helm very little was likely to go wrong.

It was still hard for her to fathom at times how much their humble little business had grown. In the past few years things had expanded quickly, and Downton Associates was now a team of twelve, operating from a new, significantly bigger office in the centre of London. When she had a few moments to herself to sit back and think about it, or as she lay in bed in the quiet of the night, it seemed absolutely amazing. In the beginning it had been just Mary and her, trying to make sense of everything as best they could. Before then, it was a dream that she often found herself wondering about but never really imagining it could ever happen, at least not so soon. Being at the head of her own company; it still seemed crazy. She couldn't stop herself from smiling as she recalled how the idea had been firmly planted in the first place. All it had taken was a few words from John. He had given her the confidence to pursue her dreams, and so much more besides.

She took one of the cookies from the plate laying on the table, devouring it quickly and frowning to realise that her mug of tea had gone cold while she had been talking. It would have been easy enough to make another, but she just didn't enjoy it the same when she made it for herself. Instead she got up, pouring the remnants away down the sink along with the crumbs that trailed on the table top. She snaffled another cookie before she emptied the kettle, opening the window blinds to let more of the light in.

The sun shone through immediately, warming her face even through the glass. It was a beautiful morning for the end of February, hardly a cloud obscuring the azure blue sky. Still, it would most likely be freezing outside, and by the time evening rolled around and the sun had set it definitely would be. She felt excitement bubbling up within her at the mere thought of later, not for the first time being very glad that she didn't have to be called in today.

Doing a little sweep around the kitchen, she found herself occupied with the very important matter of what she would wear that evening. She had a few things in mind that could work, but she hadn't gone shopping properly in so long. It made her sad for just a moment; she would have liked to have been able to get something special just for the occasion, but really she knew that it didn't matter too much. Having come to a standstill in the middle of the room, the dusting cloth held loosely in her hands as she stared into space, she knew it was time for a trip upstairs. To sort out once and for all her outfit was of course her main purpose, but the fact that her husband was currently up there didn't detract from things either. Six years on and she still felt utterly lovesick just with the thought of him. She supposed it was the same for everyone who was lucky enough to be married to their soulmate. Whenever he kissed her, lips dipping from her mouth and trailing down to her neck, he was only too keen to tell her about all the things she did to him. A faint blush covered her cheeks as her head was flooded with their many moments of passion; it had not worn off in all the time they had been married, if anything it had only grown stronger.

She paused on the staircase, nearly tripping over a stray toy that had been left balancing on one of the steps. Tutting to herself, her annoyance very quickly faded as she picked it up, stroking the felt of the stuffed elephant with the red bow tied neatly around its neck. Her smile turned soft and sentimental the longer she looked at it. Their house had never been quite the same since she had arrived, and it was amazing how someone so little could have turned everything upside down in such a short space of time. But it had been much longer than she almost realised now, and there was no doubt that both her and John would have had it any other way.

The sound of two voices met her before she made it all the way to the top, their conversation going back and forth in its rhythm, the difference in the cadence and pitch of their distinctive tones making Anna smile immediately. With the toy held in one hand, she stopped just outside of the door to the pink and lilac covered bedroom, able to steal enough of a glimpse of the scene inside.

"What about this, the stripey top and the denim skirt?" She recognised the vague weariness in John's voice as he attempted to bargain with their daughter, somewhat unsuccessfully it would seem.

"No, Daddy," her little voice was insistent, losing some of its softness. "I told you, I'm going to wear my princess dress."

Anna had to stifle a giggle, thinking that she had definitely inherited her stubbornness from her. From the both of them, she supposed.

No matter what the occasion, Immie always wanted to wear her 'princess dress', and had done for going on a year now. Really, it was a pink shimmery vest top that had been attached onto a tutu skirt, but she had loved it from the moment they had spotted it in the shop. Anna knew only too well the effort that it was to get her out of it and try to persuade her to wear something else, and too often she had given in to Immie's little smiles and glances just for an easy life. John said that she was too soft on her, but he had no room to talk; from the moment she had been born, Immie had him wrapped around her little finger, and he was too enamoured to ever complain about it. He was nothing short of wonderful with her, Anna's heart melting when she considered how close father and daughter were. He was certainly much better at playing her personal dresser, even if he did seem to be having a little more trouble than usual with the task right now. From here, Anna could see the various outfits that had been carefully laid out on the floor, Immie rejecting each one in turn as she spun around in circles. She was almost ashamed to admit it, but her daughter owned a far more extensive wardrobe than she did now.

John huffed a little sigh before he pressed on. "Okay then, mademoiselle, what do you think to this combo? Daisy dress, red tights and this exquisite navy blue cardigan." He paused as Immie was obviously giving it some thought. "All the princesses tell me that it's very chic."

"What's chic?" she replied in a puzzled squeak.

"It means that you look very pretty."

The note in her voice rose, beginning to brighten. "Like Mummy?"

"Exactly like Mummy," he affirmed, and Anna beamed a smile that couldn't be seen as she remained hidden from view. Words couldn't begin to describe the love she felt for the two of them.

There was silence, and then a pair of footsteps could be heard scurrying over the floor, Immie yelping with delight as John scooped her into his arms.

"I want to wear that, then," she said firmly.

"A fine choice, if I may say so. Now come on, sleepyhead, we best get you out of these pyjamas before your Mummy sees. You're getting as lazy as she is."

* * *

They had been married just under a year when they found out that she was pregnant. Anna still remembered the moment she had taken the test, John pacing outside their bathroom as she waited for the display to change to either positive or negative. Of course, they were overwhelmed with happiness. Though they hadn't been able to stay away from each other, Anna still found herself a little surprised. They both agreed that they wanted some time to enjoy one another and settle into married life first; there wasn't any big rush to hurry things along, Anna still being young and healthy. In some way, she wondered whether she was putting the decision off because of what had happened before. It had hardly been her fault when they lost the baby, yet the pain of the memory was still apparent and would never completely fade. They'd already had a child who they loved dearly, they just hadn't been able to meet them. John couldn't have been more supportive, telling her that they would try whenever she was ready. He admitted that he had never considered children being a part of his future before her, but after her there was no other picture that he could imagine. When the time was right, he'd be delighted to start preparing to be a father, and nothing gave him greater joy than the thought of Anna being a mother.

As it turned out, they hadn't planned on it happening so soon. But neither could deny their joy, and they both knew that it felt right. The first three months were full of trepidation as well as excitement, and they kept the news to themselves until Anna had her 12 week scan, having already had one a couple of weeks previous as a precaution. She had clung onto John's hand, locking her eyes with his as the doctor prepared her, offering a silent prayer that everything would be alright. They were both relieved when they were given the news that the baby was developing normally, and so there was no reason why the pregnancy wouldn't continue to go smoothly. As the picture on the screen became clearer, they were able to make out a tiny shape. The sound of the baby's heartbeat was much stronger to discern, and John squeezed Anna's hand in his, tears forming in both their eyes as everything suddenly became so real.

Eventually they could keep the secret no longer, and they began to let people know, their happiness growing as others shared in it. Anna thought that her mother might have broke the sound barrier and been heard in space when she told her that she was to be a grandmother for the first time. Hearing Susan so overjoyed made John mourn the fact that his mother would never know his child, knowing it was something she wished so much to see throughout her life, but Anna soon made him smile again when she said that she was sure that she knew and was watching over them somewhere. Of everyone, it was only Mary who was a little less forthcoming with good wishes; her wedding was coming up in April and with Sybil already the size of a house, she wasn't best pleased at the prospect of having to let go of another bridesmaid. There wasn't a problem as Anna had only just started to show at that point, and when she knew that she would still be able to fit into her dress, Mary joined in with the celebrations. Throughout the day, John's eyes remained on Anna, revelling in how gorgeous she looked and grinning when he saw the tiny bump emerging beneath the peach satin. As they danced at a more sedate pace than the rest, his hand dipped down to cradle her stomach, and the look in Anna's eyes as she gazed up at him left him dumbfounded. She held his palm in place, covering it with her own as they swayed softly to  _With or Without You_.

The months seemed to pass by in a blur, but didn't move so fast that they couldn't appreciate everything that was taking place, although Anna wasn't sure how much she appreciated swollen ankles and feeling almost unbearably hot all the time. Despite John's fretting, she managed to work without any problems up until the seventh month when it had been agreed she would start her maternity leave. Every day when he got home from work, he would come bearing a newly bought babygro or teddy bear until they had amassed quite the collection. Anna smiled at the fact that he never forgot her either, bringing her her favourite double chocolate chip cookies and bath products so she could pamper herself. However, what she loved the most was the sweet kisses that poured from his lips to hers. He would settle on the floor while she laid out on the couch, talking and reading to her bump with the most loving voice, and then later laying his mouth over the swell of her stomach, covering it with kiss after gentle kiss to convey how they were both so adored by him. She was so big when her birthday celebrations that doubled as a baby shower came around, and sighed with relief when the cool nightdress was on her, shuffling across their room to climb into bed. The August night was muggy, but it didn't matter too much to Anna as she didn't get much sleep at this stage anyway, so they spent the hours inbetween drowsy slumber talking.

"You're certain that you don't want to know?" John pondered, his hand idly drifting over her stomach. Only the slightest touch from him would send the baby jumping and wriggling inside her, and she knew that it would be smitten with its dad from the very first moment it came into the world.

"We agreed that we wouldn't find out," Anna turned her head, shooting him a reproving look from the pillow. "John Bates, if I find out you've been sneaking bribes to the doctor…"

He chuckled heartily, kissing her cheek when he had calmed.

"I swear that I haven't. I'm just wondering, that's all. It's all that I can think about. Besides how absolutely beautiful you look."

Anna clicked her tongue against her cheek, feeling that she was anything but, yet she knew that John wasn't telling a lie.

"Me too," she confided, her mind starting to wander. "But we've come this far without knowing. It might as well stay a surprise."

He gave her an eye-crinkling smile, expectant joy spreading over his face. As Anna began to shift to find a more comfortable position, he moved too to accommodate her.

"Whether it's a boy or a girl, I'm sure they'll be into football," Anna reached her hand down to cover his where it lay, feeling the baby thump powerfully. "They just won't stop kicking. Especially when you're around."

"That's my girl," John grinned, before he quickly amended, "Or my boy."

She narrowed her eyes towards him while he remained perfectly innocent. "Are you sure you don't know something?"

"Cross my heart."

Just weeks later while they had been lying in the same way, Anna felt a series of tightening pains stretch around her stomach, and though she'd never experienced them before she knew that her contractions had started. Having borrowed one of Robert's cars over two months ago in case of any eventuality, John made sure everything was packed and ready before they drove off to the hospital at nearing on four in the morning. She was only a couple of days past her due date and everything was going to plan. Thankfully there was no trouble with her labour, only that it was exceptionally long. It went on and on, and poor Anna was entering her twenty second hour of labour when things finally moved along to a greater degree. It pained John to witness his wife in so much agony, scrunching up her face tightly, clutching the bed and letting out blood-curdling howls every few minutes.

"It's alright, my darling," he said soothingly, rubbing the top of her back in circles. "You're doing brilliantly. I'm so proud of you."

"Remember to keep taking little breaths, Anna," the midwife said from the foot of the bed. "We don't want you or the baby to be tired out."

Anna consciously relaxed herself; the idea that the baby might have been getting distressed made her strive to calm down. Her hand hovered in the air, and John took it straight away, offering her all the comfort he could.

"Okay, Anna, I think the time has come to start pushing."

She did as she was told, pushing with all of her might, taking the breaks in between, but it all seemed to no avail. Anna began to whimper and cry in frustration more after each failed effort. She had lost count of how many times the midwife told her it would only take one more push, and now she'd gone past the point of believing.

"John," she uttered in an exhausted rasp, pulling her head up to look at her husband. "I can't do this anymore. I can't do it."

"You can do anything," he whispered to her, pressing a kiss to her temple that was slick with sweat. "I've always believed in you, and I believe in you now more than ever."

She was able to smile at his words through her tiredness and pain.

"Just a bit more, love, I promise."

He laid another kiss on her forehead before she began to push again and it only took minutes for it to be done. She felt her heart soar when she heard the tiny cry filling the room, progressively getting louder. Through her exhaustion, she took in John's voice next to her ear, his hand still holding onto hers.

"She's here, love, it's a little girl." He sounded as though he was barely keeping it together, ready to burst into tears of joy at what he was saying. "We've got a daughter."

Anna felt complete when the baby was placed against her, her warm head with a small amount of fair fuzz nuzzling against her chest. She wasn't able to tear her eyes away from their tiny daughter, her palm held against her back and then moving up to smooth her hair. She was so soft, so real. John's hand came down to gently stroke the baby's face, and she was astounded. It wasn't a dream, they really were parents.

She was given her name not long after she was born. Imogen Kathleen Bates. Anna knew immediately that if their child was a girl she would have John's mother's name as part of her own, as a gift. Imogen was simply a name that they both liked when they were going through long lists, and when she opened her eyes to reveal their hazel colour which only belonged to one other person in the world, it seemed she liked it too.

"God, Anna, she's beautiful," he breathed later as he cradled Imogen in his arms with all the delicacy in the world. Anna felt there was no better sight in the world than seeing John hold their daughter, he looked so natural. "How am I partly responsible for creating someone so perfect?"

The smile wouldn't leave her face; already he was completely besotted.

"It's because you are perfect," she responded, still feeling hazy though she'd managed to have a little sleep. "Both of you are the most perfect things in the world to me, and I love you both so much."

John smiled a wide grin, placing a kiss on Imogen's head as she wriggled a little and then following suit with a light kiss to Anna's lips. "I love you, my darling. Thank you so much for her." His warm gaze flitted between the two of them, hardly believing that it was all real but knowing with the weight resting in his arms that it was, perfectly. "I'd give up my life to protect you both. My two marvellous girls."

Tears filled Anna's eyes at his vow, and as he settled himself at her bedside he kissed the one that streamed down her cheek away.

After a little while, a curious glint came into Anna's eyes as she rested upon the pillows, pondering. John was staring down at Imogen, gasping in a breath as she grabbed onto one of his fingers.

"Are you certain that you didn't know?" she asked, keen to quell her wonderings. "That one night, you said…"

"I know better than to go against you," he let out a rumble of a laugh, careful not to wake Imogen as she had just began to doze again. "I just always wanted a little girl. And then when I thought about a little girl that looked like you, I couldn't imagine anything more wonderful."

Her husband was truly perfect.

"And now," he paused to gaze down at their sleeping daughter before locking eyes with Anna again, "we have her."

When they brought Imogen home, they grew even more enthralled. Anna longed to hold her daughter every moment of the day, to cuddle her close and breathe in that intoxicating baby scent, and they would take it in turns to stand over her crib, keeping a close and careful eye on her while she slept. Often they would do so together, hands entwined and not making so much as a sound as they watched her little chest rise and fall regularly, her tiny fists balling against the blanket that had been especially made by Elsie Hughes, who always kept in touch.

Anna would never forget one night, a few months after Imogen's birth. She had got up to give Imogen her scheduled feed, softly padding into the room so as not to disturb her. Fear rifled through her when she discovered the crib empty, until she realised in the next moment that she herself had woken up alone. Heading downstairs, the smile took over her face as she saw the image that melted her completely, one that she would treasure for the rest of her life. John sat with his head resting on the back of the sofa softly snoring, the near empty bottle perched on the cushion next to him and Imogen laid snuggled on top of his chest being lulled by his breathing, his large hands holding her securely in place. Both were so peaceful and absolutely perfect, the sheer difference in their size taking Anna's breath away. She wanted to stay and watch forever, but the pull was too strong.

Keeping her steps cautious, she went over and dipped to kiss Imogen's soft head, holding her hair back against herself. Her eyes lingered a while on their daughter before they trailed upwards. Running her fingers over his jaw, she watched John stir without waking, remembering every single second of how she had fallen in love with him.

As she lay a kiss against his forehead, she thanked him for making her fall in love all over again.

* * *

The room had stayed quiet for minutes as John got Immie dressed with very minimal fuss, every now and then Anna being able to distinguish quiet little giggles coming from their daughter as John must have been sharing jokes to amuse her.

"There we go, all done," his voice piped up to break the silence. "May I have a twirl?"

Anna saw a blur of a small figure whirling around as she peered at the door.

"Absolutely wonderful. Are you sure you're not a model sent over from the catwalks of Paris?"

"Daddy, you're silly," Immie chided her father in a gleeful voice.

"Not as silly as Mr Tickle Bear. And look, I think he may just have come to visit…"

Immie's laughter grew louder and more uncontrollable, Anna finding it completely infectious as she started to softly laugh at the scene herself. She couldn't be separated from the pair of them any longer, and walked in to find Immie squirming all over the place as she tried to escape her father's tickles. She managed to stop her own giggling long enough to speak.

"I can't leave you two alone for five minutes."

Immie's blonde hair whipped as she turned her head around, running out of John's hands when she heard her mother's voice.

"Mummy!"

She squealed with delight, and Anna braced herself for the assault on her legs, Immie bracing her hands around her mother's jeans.

"Hello, sweetpea," Anna trilled as she lifted her daughter into her arms, always finding it a surprise to discover how heavy she was getting now. Still, she was nearly four and a half, and not a baby any more, as Immie was so often fond of telling her. They were raising a headstrong little girl, but she still had her moments when she would go as shy and quiet as a mouse, often when in the company of others. "Don't you look so pretty?"

"Daddy chose it for me," Immie announced, a hand proudly smoothing the collar of her dress. "And he let me sleep in too."

"Well, aren't you lucky?"

Anna gave John a mildly disapproving look when she saw him slowly getting up from where he had been kneeling heavily on the floor, knowing that his knee wouldn't thank him for it later. In the next moment her look had changed as he flashed a completely disarming smile towards her, the adoration for their daughter written all over him. She felt her heart warm every time.

Immie was getting restless in her grasp, her little hand moving to stroke Anna's hair; she had a mild fascination with it, inherited from her father.

"You'll get to play with Ciara, George and Grace today," Anna commented, thinking of the Crawley brood that was about to get bigger with Sybil's and Mary's second babies imminently due to arrive.

Immie smiled in return, her mother's words seeming to only just remind her of the day that lay ahead.

"Mummy, George is my boyfriend now," she confided in a quiet whisper, which hadn't gone unheard by John.

"Oh, is he now? Well, I might just have to have a word with young Master Crawley."

"John, he's three and a half," Anna remarked, swaying Immie as he continued to look unimpressed. George had taken to following Immie around whenever they were all together, and she had decided to take advantage of it. Already she was giving her father sleepless nights of worry, but Anna did her best to keep them at bay, distracting her husband in other ways that he always gave into.

He broke into a smile the longer her eyes stayed upon him, realising how overprotective he was being. Anna knew how precious Immie was to John, him possessing so much love for the daughter he thought he would never have. She had so many of his traits mixed with her own too, and they would always be head over heels for their little girl. Watching his gaze soften further by the second, his eyes trained upon both of them, Anna could have revelled in kissing the grin clean from his face.

Immie's hand tugging upon the shoulder of her jumper brought Anna out of the reverie she had slipped into.

"Show me the dress, Mummy," the familiar pleas tumbled from their daughter's little rosebud mouth. " _Peas_."

Anna smiled, knowing she'd miss the cute mispronunciations when Immie finally got a full grasp on the English language. Her princess obsession had made her fixated with what she called her mother's 'princess dress' – her actual wedding dress, in its pale turquoise hues with its delicate fabric and frills. Since she had become aware of it, Immie had made Anna parade in it several times, gasping and clapping in delight when she saw it, and Anna was very pleasantly surprised that she had still been able to fit into it, only having to leave the zip down just a tiny bit. On Immie's last princess-themed birthday she'd worn it all day for the party and beyond, catching herself smiling every now and then when she was reminded of the last time she had had it on for so long.

"It's up in the attic, sweetie," Anna's heart cracked a little when she saw Immie's face fall. "But you can see the picture."

Turning to take Immie into their bedroom, she smiled when she found John there, already one step ahead of her and having retrieved the picture in its frame. Their fingers brushed as she took it from his hand, electricity coursing through her veins with his slightest touch.

Immie's amazed gasps emerged as she stared down at the image, Anna laughing softly as she watched their daughter, John stroking back the stray strands of hair that obscured Immie's vision.

"That's the day that I married Mummy," John uttered into Immie's little shell ear while he looked into the reflection of them on that day, the landscape of the Scottish mountains their background, both of them wearing wide and happy smiles, the wind lifting Anna's hair up at its curled ends. "The best day of my life, before you came along."

"You look just like a princess, Mummy," Immie exclaimed, her gap-toothed smile beaming up at Anna. "And Daddy is your prince."

Anna and John shared a smile at their daughter's observation, his slightly more disbelieving which made her shake her head softly.

"Daddy was more like my knight in shining armour," she replied, smiling as she thought back to that day all those years ago, that wonderful twist of fate that had started everything for them.

As she caught John's smile in reply, Immie shot up a puzzled expression.

"What's shining armour?"

"I'll tell you a story about the knight and the most beautiful princess on the way," John interjected, making Anna grin.

"And we'd better do your hair before then," she suddenly remembered herself, glancing at Immie's golden but slightly dishevelled locks. "Plaits or bunches?"

Immie placed a thoughtful finger on her lips before giving her answer. "Plaits, peas."

"Okie dokie," Anna replied, kissing Immie on the cheek and making her giggle.

Before she turned to take Immie downstairs she caught a last look of John, smiling as he mouthed "I love you" towards her.

Her heart sped up as she mouthed the words straight back.

* * *

Smoothing her hands against the black chiffon dress, Anna took a look at herself, tucking a few strands of hair behind her ear before she brought it forward again. All the early mornings, late nights and worries both expected and unexpected that motherhood had brought had been weathered well, and she hadn't really changed that much in the past few years, except that she thought she looked permanently tired. Still, concealer existed for a number of reasons and it had been put to good use. She'd kept her make-up fairly simple, enhancing her eyes and slicking on some lipgloss that just added to the natural colour of her lips. Reaching across to her jewellery box she slid on a bangle that John had bought her after Imogen's birth, and then fixed the white-gold knotted studs to her ears one after the other.

Hearing his footsteps pad into the room, she smiled when she saw him appear in the reflection of the mirror, and made to turn herself around to face him.

"Stay right where you are," he uttered, pointing towards her through the mirror.

In seconds he was behind her, his front pressing snugly to her back, arms wrapped about her waist. Anna began to giggle and then sighed softly as John's lips covered a trail down her neck. One of her hands went to the back of his neck, brushing his hairline, while the other reached to cover his, his wedding band pressing against her palm.

"I don't really know about this dress, but it's the only one that seems to go. And seems to fit," she exhaled, finding it increasingly hard to complain against the movement of his mouth upon her.

John lifted his head, speaking before she could voice her disappointment at the sudden absence of his lips on her skin.

"You look great," he affirmed, deep hazel eyes raking over her. "A million times better than that. You, Mrs Bates, are an absolute knockout. You're so far out of my league it's unbelievable."

She tutted as his hands hugged round her closer, a tender palm cupping her stomach that couldn't really be seen underneath the billowing dress, though they both knew and were unable to stop smiling about the fact.

When Imogen had turned two, Anna decided that it was only right that she should have a sibling. Being so smitten with his daughter, John didn't require much persuading, and both were excited about the prospect of adding to their family. However, things hadn't been that easy. Months passed, and then months turned into years, and there was no sign of a pregnancy despite all of their efforts, sometimes more than once throughout the day. Anna wondered if something had gone wrong, but visits to the doctor and then the hospital showed no signs of concern. Perhaps another child just simply wasn't meant to be for them; their little girl already gave them enough joy that they could never be disheartened. They'd almost given up hope when for more than one day familiar symptoms began to afflict her, and it was just before Christmas when the doctor confirmed it. Anna couldn't have asked for a better present.

They had told Immie that she would have a little brother or sister soon enough, and while at first she was more interested in the doll John had bought to sweeten her in case any tantrums had occurred she had become more aware and excited in the last few weeks, taking great pride in telling anyone and everyone that she was going to be a big sister. But most excited of them all was John, and Anna found it unbearably adorable that a man who usually liked to keep himself to himself could hardly contain his joy at the news he would be a father again. As she had started to show again, he resumed his former habit of cradling his hand with the utmost care and gentleness over her bump, worshipping the place where she was carrying their child, another sign which proved to the world just how much in love they were and remained to be.

He continued to hold his hand there now, a growing grin spreading across his face that Anna found irresistible. She shifted to be enveloped even closer in his embrace and felt that every part of her was utterly loved, regardless of how much more she was going to change in the coming months.

"God, what if it's a boy this time?" It was as though the 50-50 fact had only just occurred to John, and he was shocked to the core by it. "All the experience I have is with girls, I won't have the slightest clue what to do."

"Not the  _slightest_  clue?" Anna replied, quirking her eyebrows and then dissolving into giggles, feeling John shaking against her as he promptly did the same. "You can take him to the football, and the rugby, and do everything a little boy wants his dad to do, naturally. You'll be a perfect role model."

"You have such faith in me," he said, still seeming astounded by it, pressing a light kiss to her cheek.

"It's because I believe in you, and I always have."

She echoed his words from years ago back to him effortlessly, smiling as she earned more kisses from him, turning around in his arms to meet his lips with her own deeply and slowly. Looping her arms around his shoulders, she drank every sensation in, mapping him beneath her fingertips, only opening her eyes long seconds after the kiss had come to an end.

"I hope it is a boy," she breathed, gazing up into his eyes, smoothing back the hair she had just ruffled and almost losing herself. "I want him to be exactly like you. Have your hair, your eyes, every aspect of your personality."

"Poor little thing."

Anna sidestepped his self-deprecation. "I hope he ends up towering over me, and that I'll need to stand on a stepladder to fix his hair. Because I'm definitely going to shrink as I get older."

He smirked before brushing her lips with his lightly again. "Getting a bit ahead of yourself, aren't you?"

She laughed as she slid her hands down his body, meeting them around his middle. It was something that wasn't hard to do given how quickly the last six years had gone by. There had been so many wonderful moments as they lived their lives together, always taking the time to know just how special they were and always knowing that their love would endure. With each other's support and encouragement they had achieved things that they had never thought would be possible. Anna had overcome her fears and started taking driving lessons, with John acting as her instructor for additional sessions, and last year passed her test on the second attempt. With the news of Imogen's birth, John's brothers had been in touch on a more regular basis and the bonds that had once been so strong were built up again. So far they had been for two trips over to Ireland, Imogen meeting all of her cousins and the families finally reconnecting. Anna loved visiting all of the places from John's childhood, and clung onto his hand, holding him and kissing away the tears that flowed when they had made the pilgrimage to his mother's grave. Together they could face anything, and were truly unbreakable.

Anna smiled against John's chest as the memories flowed through her head, remaining as vivid as they had been when they were first made. If someone gave her the choice, she'd do it all again, no questions asked. Sometimes she wished that she could, to experience that rush she first felt laying eyes on John, when he felt so far out of her reach. But then she knew that nothing could be sweeter than all that they shared right now.

"You do think she'll be alright tonight, don't you?" She tried not to sound too anxious, not wanting to be one of those desperately clingy mothers. "I know she can be an independent little thing, but before she told me that we should have a lovely time tonight she said that she'd miss us."

"Bless her heart. She gets that from you." John smiled deep into her eyes, sweeping back some of her hair. His hand then rested upon her shoulder, his touch soothing and aiming to rub the tension away. "She'll be more than fine. She's had all day at Rob and Cora's with the other kids, and that's probably worn her out. And you know that Charles and Elsie will be spoiling her rotten."

Anna had to grin, knowing how excited the older couple were to take the short trip over to London from Scotland. Though Imogen only had one surviving grandparent, she was lucky enough to have three sets of godparents and most certainly was not short of love and affection.

"Besides," he purred the last syllable, his palms on her back bringing her in closer, "a whole night to ourselves. That is a rare and precious commodity these days."

"I'll say," Anna's eyes lit up at the prospect as she ran one hand languidly up and down his chest. "Just so long as it doesn't end up as disastrous as last year."

She could hardly stifle her giggles as John looked momentarily miffed, the memory of their last anniversary celebration coming back to them. Bless him, he had worked so hard on everything only for it to slowly unravel due to factors beyond his control. And yet they'd still managed to enjoy themselves very well indeed.

"I can assure you, Mrs Bates, that I'm keeping things simple this time around." There was an assured glint in his eyes that gave her no reason whatsoever to doubt him. "And if it does go wrong, then we always have the morning too." He could hardly keep the yearning out of his voice, sounding deliciously mischievous. "Charles said they're not bringing Immie back until after midday."

"Mmm, a lie-in," Anna said dreamily, watching John's gaze spark further. "I might just sleep until half eleven or so, catch up on what I've missed."

"That's not exactly what I had in mind," he replied in a seductive tone, trailing his fingertips up her sides and then starting to laugh as Anna did too. They'd always been comfortable around each other, but now were at a whole new level of gently teasing each other, knowing they would always be of the same mind in the end.

"I look forward to finding out whatever it is you're thinking of, Mr Bates."

She smiled up at him after they shared another surprisingly chaste kiss, loving the drift of his fingers against her cheek. Her own hand had dropped down to rest over the fabric that covered her stomach and as she continued to feel, her expression became more thoughtful.

John noticed the change in her before she did and his shoulders tightened, his overprotective instincts kicking in in a split second.

"What is it?"

"Nothing," she replied in an easier tone, smiling again to relieve his worries. "It's just that I've noticed…well, I seem to be a little bit big for four months. Definitely bigger than I was with Immie."

She frowned for a moment, wondering whether it was just a sign of getting older and perhaps not being quite as lithe as she used to be. A thought occurred to her which she hadn't given much credit to until now, and wasn't sure whether she still would.

"There aren't any twins in your family, are there?" she finally gave it voice, considering that it wouldn't be the worst thing.

John was grinning at her through the mirror, her having turned again to examine the shape of her growing bump more closely. "My grandmother on my mother's side was a twin. Didn't I ever tell you that?"

"No, funnily enough you didn't."

She didn't do a very good job of sounding as though she was mad at him, smirking as she started to get rather excited by the idea of two babies instead of one. As she turned to look at John full in the face again, she could see that he was thinking the same.

"I suppose we'll just have to be patient and wait for the 20 week scan," she sighed, rubbing her hand over her stomach, eager to know straight away. There was only five months, not that much time to plan for two new arrivals, if it really was the case.

Reaching out, John took her other hand in his, Anna smiling as he linked their fingers tightly together.

"Let's just think about tonight for the time being," he said, beginning to pull her feet lightly along their bedroom floor.

She took him in from head to toe, appreciating fully how good he looked in his dark grey suit and black shirt, left without a tie. As he turned around for a moment, she sneaked a not so subtle glance at his backside, blushing a little when he caught her eyes again, grinning and seeming to know exactly what she was up to.

"And tonight, my love, is all about you, how absolutely wonderful you are," he brought her hand up to his lips, laying a couple of kisses upon her skin, "and how I love you with all my heart."

Anna couldn't help but smile as warmth went up through her, shivers dancing within her from the imprint of his lips against her. The look in his eyes had her lost, and all she knew was that she was so in love with John Bates, the man she would be eternally lucky to call her husband.

Somehow she tore her eyes away from his, and laughed in delight when she saw that he had scattered a series of red and white petals over the floor leading towards the door. Looking up, she found his smile again, brighter and wider than it had been just moments before.

"Now, just follow the rose petals," he said, "and the night can begin."

* * *

The lights of central London were still shining through the darkness, people flowing in and out of the streets in the regular rhythm of a night spent in the city. Anna and John were caught up in their own world, smiling and laughing as they shared in their conversation, exchanging looks that were just as longing as they'd always been. Walking hand in hand, Anna let out a yelp as John suddenly spun her around, her giggles floating on the air as they began a little dance of their own making. She was amused and perhaps a little taken aback, but she wasn't questioning anything. It thrilled her to see her husband so unreserved and carefree, happier now than she'd probably known him ever to be, and since they'd been together properly that was quite some feat. She too acknowledged that she felt especially wonderful tonight, their love seeming visible in the air and everything around them.

John had stuck to his promise of keeping things simple, but it had all been perfect and Anna wouldn't have changed a thing about it. First they'd stopped off at Anna's favourite bar – the place where they'd ended up meeting for only the second time ever by chance, taking things much easier than they had done back then. Then it was to a swanky but not too extravagant restaurant where they'd enjoyed a lavish meal, John laughing as Anna eyed up the dessert menu moments after they'd sat down and indulging her in more than one pudding, joking that the baby – or  _babies –_ must have a sweet tooth just like their mother.

Feeling a little tired earlier than usual but still full of joy, they were making their way back to the tube station, Anna rather relieved to see the Leicester Square sign glowing almost above her head.

"Well, Mr Bates, you should know that after tonight you have a very happy wife," she said cheerily, leaning herself against the sturdiness of his arm. "Keep this up and I foresee a very good life for you indeed."

"My life is as good as it's ever going to get with you in it," he returned back, smiling down at her as she looked up.

"Such a charmer."

She wrapped her arms around him, not needing to crane herself up too much as he met her halfway for a kiss at the top of the steps. Anna sighed her happiness as their mouths moved together, completely in sync with one another and leaving the world behind them.

John was smiling as he pulled back from her, releasing his grasp of her body and taking small steps backwards back into the night. Anna couldn't hide her confusion as he stayed grinning, getting further away from where she stood.

"John, what are you up to?" she enquired, keenly feeling the draught that had picked up without having him pressed to her side. "You're not as much of a gentleman as I thought you were."

"I did warn you," he let out a chortle as he had almost disappeared completely from view. "Go inside the station. Wait for a little bit. I'll text to let you know."

She remained puzzled for a few moments, catching one last glimpse of his smile before he dashed back into the thick of the city, heading back in the direction they had come from. As she made her way down the steps leading into the station the realisation crept in, and a silly smile spread across her face as it submerged her. Despite the fact her feet were aching, she plodded down the stairs at a faster pace, dodging out of the way of a busker making his way back out for the night, guitar case in hand.

Arriving on the platform, she watched as a train departed, picking up most of the people who had remained. While she waited, more filtered through; tired tourists keen to get back to their hotels for the night, young couples holding hands and staring into each other's eyes. She stole a glance at one not far from her side, smiling to herself as she turned her gaze away again.

" _The next train arriving will be the Northern Line service to Edgware. Please stand back from the platform as the train approaches."_

It didn't take that long for the sound to come thundering down the tunnel. With the rush of air she felt a sensation charge up within her, turning back the years as if they were minutes. Within her clutch bag, she felt her phone buzz but she didn't need to pay attention to it, beaming as the train came to a stop in front of her, the doors opening to reveal him sitting directly opposite. This time it wasn't so busy, there were lots of empty seats in the carriage - indeed, it seemed deserted. Yet all she was able to see was John and the way his eyes had lifted slowly, holding her in place.

He was trying to keep his smile in check as she boarded and walked the short distance, but couldn't avoid grinning as she settled next to him. Their eyes connected as she lifted her head, and Anna bit back her own smile for a few moments.

"You won't believe the night I've had," she said, adjusting her bag on her lap. "My husband's just left me stranded here on the platform."

"That's terrible," he replied, his fingers knotting together as he glanced back at her. "Still, things might get better yet. You know what the Monty Python boys say."

Her response was instantaneous and made her smile as she gave it.

"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully you enjoyed that modern take on how Anna and John might have met and fell in love!
> 
> If you know Sliding Doors you'll know that I altered the plot, slightly...well, two parallel storylines would have been too confusing, haha.


End file.
